FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Possibly a silly question?
Possibly a silly question?
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Thinking of meeting someone that only has one veri. It looks genuine but not a lot in there but verification from what appears a well-established pair of people.
Is it against the rules or wrong to contact them if they could if they wish just share if guy was chatty, too talkative, polite etc
Initially it seem ok but as i went to ask, I though I'd seek advice here. No asking about address/etc/etc just what they sincerely though of the person and i would not share that info with the potential meet.
Does sound silly but I though I'd ask as we are newish to this and anxious re meeting someone but dont want to meet in an open space/hotel etc but at their place.
I will go along with the majority on this one and I know the people I ask may not respond
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You may be best to speak on the phone first, or just arrange to meet for a coffee first. The profile in the verification could be another profile of theirs, some have a second profile and verify themselves. |
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"You may be best to speak on the phone first, or just arrange to meet for a coffee first. The profile in the verification could be another profile of theirs, some have a second profile and verify themselves."
Sound advice |
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The people who have given verification to the person you are considering have already given their ok or shared what they thought was appropriate to share. It is not against the rules to approach them but IMO it's indiscreet and gossipy. I might do it if the verifier was a close friend whose judgement I trusted. I don't think a random stranger's word about someone is worth more than the word of the someone (who you are thinking of having sex with, after all?).
If you have hesitations or concerns, think of why, ask for advice here, or discuss what bothers you with them directly, if they don't have the patience or the ability to make you feel secure they are not suitable for you at this stage. Also as advised above, have a phonecall and a social meet in a public place. Ultimately you have to trust your own judgement and decide on a vetting process that works for you that doesn't rely on the very partial opinion of others. |
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I am not verified here but i am on fabguys where guys have messaged me asking about guys i have verified or them me.
I politely tell them the only info they will get is what i wrote on the verification .
If they tried to push for more info i blocked them.
One guy even went as far as asking me to pass on a message to someone i had verified because they was not answering his message. |
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By *orny-DJMan
over a year ago
Leigh-on-Sea |
"The people who have given verification to the person you are considering have already given their ok or shared what they thought was appropriate to share. It is not against the rules to approach them but IMO it's indiscreet and gossipy. I might do it if the verifier was a close friend whose judgement I trusted. I don't think a random stranger's word about someone is worth more than the word of the someone (who you are thinking of having sex with, after all?).
If you have hesitations or concerns, think of why, ask for advice here, or discuss what bothers you with them directly, if they don't have the patience or the ability to make you feel secure they are not suitable for you at this stage. Also as advised above, have a phonecall and a social meet in a public place. Ultimately you have to trust your own judgement and decide on a vetting process that works for you that doesn't rely on the very partial opinion of others."
My thoughts exactly.
What goes on between people when they meet is private and their business only.
Leaving a verification is for the purpose of confirming that the person in question is real and that they turn up.
It is not supposed to be a review of that person and, quite frankly, many people divulge a little too much information when leaving a veri and, in many cases, cross the line of discretion.
I would suggest that if you feel the need to ask someone else what the person you are interested in is like, then I think it's fair to say that you communication between you and the other person hasn't been particularly great if you haven't been able to get a measure of what they are like.
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ok, many thanks to all - we have asked several to ring us and the majorty rang on the dot. Alnog with other info obtained her and reading verifcation/s, as all have indicated, it's not worth contacting them.
Therefore, thanks and there will be no contact to the verifier of person we may be interested in. Another point we may consider is intially meeting outside in a park, cafe etc but previously againnst this as we wanted to ideally meet at the person place and then move on to the next stage
Cheers all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ok, many thanks to all - we have asked several to ring us and the majorty rang on the dot. Alnog with other info obtained her and reading verifcation/s, as all have indicated, it's not worth contacting them.
Therefore, thanks and there will be no contact to the verifier of person we may be interested in. Another point we may consider is intially meeting outside in a park, cafe etc but previously againnst this as we wanted to ideally meet at the person place and then move on to the next stage
Cheers all."
Keep sharp ... safe and don't let them rush anything your not comfy with ... they have to understand it is not just for their enjoyment but all involved, aslo seeing the effprt and courage your showing going to them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We average about one and a half to two verifications a year. One verification off someone who themselves has a few verifications wouldn't set off any alarm bells for us.
The real test is how comfortable sharing a contact number are they? If folk won't swap numbers we find they like won't swap partners either.
So precious over their phone numbers they are, like they can't be changed. Just don't tie them to your social media or CV and they're as good as throw-away. |
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Thanks again. We have noted quiet a few expect a met on their first message and as many on a few chats. We do ask many questions as we are taking a massive risk, ie sensior guy and Mrs and made it clear of what we are looking for and expect.
Chatted to a few guy's and I think I foolishly gave my number to a couple of guys but they had a mass of feedbacks.
We want the first meet as per our profile but often, those that appear good are too far away, or time slots etc dont match as we are busy looking after family, grandchildren to/from school etc and parents that are 80+
This thread has changed my mind about not wanting to meet anyone for a chat outside their home and are now considering that and possibly chat to them here for a few days and then phone chat.
Going to their place sounds a safer bet but in the back of my mind is are they secretly recording. We were going to try one of the naturist places in Kent, but all need ID and we dont want to do that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks again. We have noted quiet a few expect a met on their first message and as many on a few chats. We do ask many questions as we are taking a massive risk, ie sensior guy and Mrs and made it clear of what we are looking for and expect.
Chatted to a few guy's and I think I foolishly gave my number to a couple of guys but they had a mass of feedbacks.
We want the first meet as per our profile but often, those that appear good are too far away, or time slots etc dont match as we are busy looking after family, grandchildren to/from school etc and parents that are 80+
This thread has changed my mind about not wanting to meet anyone for a chat outside their home and are now considering that and possibly chat to them here for a few days and then phone chat.
Going to their place sounds a safer bet but in the back of my mind is are they secretly recording. We were going to try one of the naturist places in Kent, but all need ID and we dont want to do that."
...maybe not for rhe 1st meet ... i would try to get together somewhere public for safety |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"Thanks again. We have noted quiet a few expect a met on their first message and as many on a few chats. We do ask many questions as we are taking a massive risk, ie sensior guy and Mrs and made it clear of what we are looking for and expect.
Chatted to a few guy's and I think I foolishly gave my number to a couple of guys but they had a mass of feedbacks.
We want the first meet as per our profile but often, those that appear good are too far away, or time slots etc dont match as we are busy looking after family, grandchildren to/from school etc and parents that are 80+
This thread has changed my mind about not wanting to meet anyone for a chat outside their home and are now considering that and possibly chat to them here for a few days and then phone chat.
Going to their place sounds a safer bet but in the back of my mind is are they secretly recording. We were going to try one of the naturist places in Kent, but all need ID and we dont want to do that."
You’re nervous for a reason, IMO. It feels like you have a picture in your head of how you want it to be - but people are messy and complicated. It might be worth relaxing, having a few cups of tea with people, and having a laugh. For most swingers, it’s as much about the social as the sex |
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"ok, many thanks to all - we have asked several to ring us and the majorty rang on the dot. Alnog with other info obtained her and reading verifcation/s, as all have indicated, it's not worth contacting them.
Therefore, thanks and there will be no contact to the verifier of person we may be interested in. Another point we may consider is intially meeting outside in a park, cafe etc but previously againnst this as we wanted to ideally meet at the person place and then move on to the next stage
Cheers all.
Keep sharp ... safe and don't let them rush anything your not comfy with ... they have to understand it is not just for their enjoyment but all involved, aslo seeing the effprt and courage your showing going to them"
Agree with this completely, in our experience we have had couples in particular who have been very very pushy regardless of telling them our situation so don't let that happen, it could ruin your time on fab. |
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"Thinking of meeting someone that only has one veri. It looks genuine but not a lot in there but verification from what appears a well-established pair of people.
Is it against the rules or wrong to contact them if they could if they wish just share if guy was chatty, too talkative, polite etc
Initially it seem ok but as i went to ask, I though I'd seek advice here. No asking about address/etc/etc just what they sincerely though of the person and i would not share that info with the potential meet.
Does sound silly but I though I'd ask as we are newish to this and anxious re meeting someone but dont want to meet in an open space/hotel etc but at their place.
I will go along with the majority on this one and I know the people I ask may not respond
"
With respect, meet verifications are hard to get -I can vouch for that,i have none ,But the bloke you are looking to meet has one ,so give him a chance |
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"Thinking of meeting someone that only has one veri. It looks genuine but not a lot in there but verification from what appears a well-established pair of people.
Is it against the rules or wrong to contact them if they could if they wish just share if guy was chatty, too talkative, polite etc
Initially it seem ok but as i went to ask, I though I'd seek advice here. No asking about address/etc/etc just what they sincerely though of the person and i would not share that info with the potential meet.
Does sound silly but I though I'd ask as we are newish to this and anxious re meeting someone but dont want to meet in an open space/hotel etc but at their place.
I will go along with the majority on this one and I know the people I ask may not respond
"
It’s easy to get verifications. Unless there are many and consistent with profile and pictures. I wouldn’t bother with just one verification. Best way is to speak to him over phone first or meet for social first. |
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Cheers to the new posts since I last posted her
About verification's, I have noted at times the person/s verifiying the person we are interested in has hiden their profile. Therefore, I ignore.
It is easier to read into several verification where they state things like, = arrived on time, polite, clean, followed the rules= etc etc. However, even then, things can turn out differently and I've noted several times people turning not so nice when you tell them you are not ready to meet yet and want to ask more questions
In my judgement, if you are a couple, ie male and female, do ask many questions, push them a bit and if they are as nice they claim to be, you'll find out before the meet
If you are a single male/female on a meet, yes, always meet in public and possibly share with a friend who you are seeing
One thing I have learned is to ask the the guy/s we are interested in, if they wish, post a pic of their face with our user name next to it - at least that tell you, you have evidence who you may see.
We are finding the initial meet very hard as I fear stuff going wrong, shy, anxious etc and had considered Silvverligh etc but they all require ID which we are not prepared to share.
Sincere thanks to all of the helpful postings. |
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"Thanks again. We have noted quiet a few expect a met on their first message and as many on a few chats. We do ask many questions as we are taking a massive risk, ie sensior guy and Mrs and made it clear of what we are looking for and expect.
Chatted to a few guy's and I think I foolishly gave my number to a couple of guys but they had a mass of feedbacks.
We want the first meet as per our profile but often, those that appear good are too far away, or time slots etc dont match as we are busy looking after family, grandchildren to/from school etc and parents that are 80+
This thread has changed my mind about not wanting to meet anyone for a chat outside their home and are now considering that and possibly chat to them here for a few days and then phone chat.
Going to their place sounds a safer bet but in the back of my mind is are they secretly recording. We were going to try one of the naturist places in Kent, but all need ID and we dont want to do that."
Hello you seem to be getting more experience in vetting so there's good. Yes practicalities are often such a deal breaker, but if you find someone that sounds right wait and the opportunity will arise.
I must say though - I detect a hint of paranoia! Better be safe than sorry yes; and very important to feel safe. However, you are NOT "taking a massive risk", and no the person you meet won't be secretly recording. It's not that it never happens, it's that the probabilities are so low you might as well worry that a bird will poo on your head just as you approach their property - it's just a very random thing to worry about. The vast majority of people on here are looking for a good time not for trouble. It is not as seedy as you think. |
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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
The best way to get to know someone is to spend time chatting with them, it feels like you’re overthinking the whole process a bit, maybe try to let things flow and progress naturally rather than putting pressure on yourselves and the situation. When you get to know someone you’ll get to a point when you know you want to meet them and you feels safe meeting them (you’ll never feel 100% safe meeting anyone for the first time but you’ll know when you feel safe enough to meet).
It’s seems pointless to me to ask a stranger what they think of the person because you don’t know anything about the tastes and preferences of that stranger. I like people who are chatty and light hearted so someone who I like could be too chatty or not serious enough for someone else. It’s not like when you ask for an opinion from a friend who you know what their tastes are so you’re able to guauge what they say and compare it to your own taste. I have a friend who loves sci-fi, fantasy, irreverent type films which are the sort of films I hate so I ignore any film recommendations that he gives me but if i didn’t know him and he recommended a film to me I wouldn’t know that his taste is the opposite to mine and I’d end up watching a film I hated if I trusted his advice…. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If concerned I would do a social meet first either coffee or a pint and maybe have a friend go with you or be at the meeting place just to make sure your safe |
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