FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How do you start without sounding like a dick?
How do you start without sounding like a dick?
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"I’m struggling to get new Fab friends.
I think it may be my opening line of
‘Genuine guy, no BS!’
Is it too honest? "
Yep that screams not genuine and full of BS
I tend to go with hey there as the header and usually a comment in regards to their profile description or simply a compliment xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m struggling to get new Fab friends.
I think it may be my opening line of
‘Genuine guy, no BS!’
Is it too honest? "
Got fuck all to do with an opening message….if someone doesn’t like the pics….you’re not getting anything….SIMPLES!! |
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By *IZZ_69Man
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
"Just make sure they are genuine, thought I was meeting a hot fem once, turned up to her house she was lying on her bed playing with her hard cock "
A girl friend wanted a mmf session so she found a guy on here, long story short, the guy how turn up was completely different to the guy on his profile page, even had different colors hair lol, she told him to FO |
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By *TG3Man
over a year ago
Dorchester |
"I’m struggling to get new Fab friends.
I think it may be my opening line of
‘Genuine guy, no BS!’
Is it too honest? "
you don't have a profile hence nothing for women to associate you with  |
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I think most of us ladies use fab now to arrange a good event of club night. There are so many guys but those with veris get much more luck. So best to get yourself into the clubs and get your face known. If you are looking for a quick last minute hook up then I don’t think this site will help x |
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Maybe it takes abit more the a singular line of bio to grab a person's attention. Obviously a shorter sentence in message form won't get you any better results. Women generally will look at a profile before the message only then will they either reply or decline it.
A lacking profile will only lack in responses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe it takes abit more the a singular line of bio to grab a person's attention. Obviously a shorter sentence in message form won't get you any better results. Women generally will look at a profile before the message only then will they either reply or decline it.
A lacking profile will only lack in responses. "
Yes, this! Your profile tells me nothing about you so how would I differentiate between you and all the other men who might message me?
I also second the point about getting known in clubs and building up some veris and friendships that way. It let's women know you're genuine without you just stating that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe it takes abit more the a singular line of bio to grab a person's attention. Obviously a shorter sentence in message form won't get you any better results. Women generally will look at a profile before the message only then will they either reply or decline it.
A lacking profile will only lack in responses. "
Ok you make great points and will change up the profile. ( still won’t make up for me being a ginge though lol) |
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That is very true x
I will always look at a profile before even reading the message. If it has very little info, or just dick pics, then I don’t even read the message. It doesn’t need a face picture on your profile, but imaginative torso or general body pictures are more appealing.
I also look at the background in the pictures and fully read the bio x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe it takes abit more the a singular line of bio to grab a person's attention. Obviously a shorter sentence in message form won't get you any better results. Women generally will look at a profile before the message only then will they either reply or decline it.
A lacking profile will only lack in responses.
Ok you make great points and will change up the profile. ( still won’t make up for me being a ginge though lol)"
I like ginger guys.
I also like to know why a guy has messaged me. If they mention something about my profile that's particularly appealing to them, that's far more likely to get a response than if they come across as 'any hole's a goal' types. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Really helpful thread because I can't get even 1 meet"
You need a profile pic (that isn't a dick pic) to begin with. I never reply to profiles with just a shadow and know I'm not the only one. Your public pics are four pics of your cock and nothing else, and your bio is also only one line so start there.
Look at the profiles of some other guys to get ideas of what a 'good' profile looks like then start to build it up. Good luck. |
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"That is very true x
I will always look at a profile before even reading the message. If it has very little info, or just dick pics, then I don’t even read the message. It doesn’t need a face picture on your profile, but imaginative torso or general body pictures are more appealing.
I also look at the background in the pictures and fully read the bio x"
Also a good point think about the background of your pics that really does matter after all you don't want to be showing a messy bedroom or a dirty loo in the the background I'm one to talk as a few of mine are in my bathroom but I'm trying to correct that by getting a professional photographer to get some nice snaps |
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Agreed - any pics in a bathroom are an instant no from me. It is not somewhere that I associate with attraction and suggests that you are in there because you live with your wife or your parents lol x |
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"Really helpful thread because I can't get even 1 meet
You need a profile pic (that isn't a dick pic) to begin with. I never reply to profiles with just a shadow and know I'm not the only one. Your public pics are four pics of your cock and nothing else, and your bio is also only one line so start there.
Look at the profiles of some other guys to get ideas of what a 'good' profile looks like then start to build it up. Good luck."
I second this. Your profile just comes across as no effort and tbh a not that nice looking set of cock shots what are you actually trying to achieve here.
No effort means no reward I'll go ahead and guess your messages are as bland as your bio. That doesn't work nore is it attractive. I'm a fine one to talk my profile isn't perfect by far but at least I've put genuine thought and effort in it. Want more meets then do the work buddy |
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"Agreed - any pics in a bathroom are an instant no from me. It is not somewhere that I associate with attraction and suggests that you are in there because you live with your wife or your parents lol x"
I'd just like to point out that my profile pics in my bathroom because I had just got out of the tub and thought I looked pretty funny and a tad sexy with the towel like that lol
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"Agreed - any pics in a bathroom are an instant no from me. It is not somewhere that I associate with attraction and suggests that you are in there because you live with your wife or your parents lol x I'd just like to point out that my profile pics in my bathroom because I had just got out of the tub and thought I looked pretty funny and a tad sexy with the towel like that lol "
They are inoffensive bathroom pictures. A sexy towel or bathtub picture (without the dick please) can be quite appealing. It’s the pics sat over a toilet that are just plain wrong x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
 |
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Also, for anyone reading this forum that wants genuine advice on how to make their profile more appealing - go to Spotify (or whatever podcast service you use) and search for a podcast called vanilla to vixen. One of the earlier episodes (around number 3-5) is all about how to upgrade your profile on fab. Well worth a listen x |
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"Also, for anyone reading this forum that wants genuine advice on how to make their profile more appealing - go to Spotify (or whatever podcast service you use) and search for a podcast called vanilla to vixen. One of the earlier episodes (around number 3-5) is all about how to upgrade your profile on fab. Well worth a listen x"
Oh yup I listened to that episode was rather helpful certainly made me see my profile in a whole different way |
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
"
quick compliment belladonna your photos are absolutely beautiful that's all |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
"
Thank you for the feedback.
I think the issue was I should have checked the chat feed first. I saw you had looked at me and ‘presumed’ you had looked at me for me but rather you looked at me to critique me.
My message was genuine about your pictures, they are amazing.
My stating my availability was another message.
This is my exact point about Fab.
There are some on here who have the pick of the bunch and some who hardly get a nibble.
Don’t hat on the small fish for trying. Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
quick compliment belladonna your photos are absolutely beautiful that's all "
Is that a poke at a guy giving a genuine compliment?
Her photos are amazing and really well taken.
Why are you mocking a genuine compliment? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be honest with oneself and all around you. Accept your opportunities and respect those who turn them down. Dont be a dick more than once a week as you might get a reputation and that lingers longer than an sti. Never eat chicken nuggets. Sterilise your loofah in the microwave, but not with your baked beans. Although wipes keep everything sparkling, don't flush them and pop them in the bin. These are the golden rules of fab life.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Be honest with oneself and all around you. Accept your opportunities and respect those who turn them down. Dont be a dick more than once a week as you might get a reputation and that lingers longer than an sti. Never eat chicken nuggets. Sterilise your loofah in the microwave, but not with your baked beans. Although wipes keep everything sparkling, don't flush them and pop them in the bin. These are the golden rules of fab life. "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Be honest with oneself and all around you. Accept your opportunities and respect those who turn them down. Dont be a dick more than once a week as you might get a reputation and that lingers longer than an sti. Never eat chicken nuggets. Sterilise your loofah in the microwave, but not with your baked beans. Although wipes keep everything sparkling, don't flush them and pop them in the bin. These are the golden rules of fab life. "
Best of the night.
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
quick compliment belladonna your photos are absolutely beautiful that's all
Is that a poke at a guy giving a genuine compliment?
Her photos are amazing and really well taken.
Why are you mocking a genuine compliment? "
I think it's just a guy genuinely complimenting a woman he's not mocking anyone |
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"I’m struggling to get new Fab friends.
I think it may be my opening line of
‘Genuine guy, no BS!’
Is it too honest? "
It's more that it's too short. It shows no ability to hold a conversation or that you have any interest in the person you are talking to. That will make most people count you out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
quick compliment belladonna your photos are absolutely beautiful that's all "
Thank you x |
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Write about yourself, your sexuality , your desires. Write loads. Describe your self in detail and honestly like no one of ever going to read it.
Then edit it. Leave it. Come back and edit it again. Edit it within an inch of its life.
What you want is the essence. A picture of you in words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
Thank you for the feedback.
I think the issue was I should have checked the chat feed first. I saw you had looked at me and ‘presumed’ you had looked at me for me but rather you looked at me to critique me.
My message was genuine about your pictures, they are amazing.
My stating my availability was another message.
This is my exact point about Fab.
There are some on here who have the pick of the bunch and some who hardly get a nibble.
Don’t hat on the small fish for trying. Xxx"
I have to disagree with you here.
I had not looked at your profile until I saw your message. I do not have the feature ‘show I have viewed someone’s profile’ on, so I’m certain there’s no way your profile would show I looked at your profile. That’s neither here nor there.
I thanked you for your compliment because I genuinely was thanking you full stop. My response was succinct and gave no indication of any interest. Your response to that was sending me your availability. I cannot see how you assumed a thank you for the compliment was indicative of interest.
To assume that I think I’m better than anyone else is a massive assumption. I don’t think myself any better than anyone else and I certainly don’t treat anyone with any disrespect. You don’t know me, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Not that it matters one way or another, but for you to try to make me out to be someone I’m not when you don’t know me is in poor form.
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This thread and fab in general is the main reason we never arrange any meets of here. We use it purely to arrange club nights and stay in touch with friends. Meeting at a club is much safer for us - that way if there is no interest then you can just walk away and mingle elsewhere. Alternatively you may just find a connection in the most unlikely place. There is nothing too scary about going to a club but it shows you are genuine and gets you known around the genuine people on here x |
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By *avexxMan
over a year ago
cheshire |
"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
Thank you for the feedback.
I think the issue was I should have checked the chat feed first. I saw you had looked at me and ‘presumed’ you had looked at me for me but rather you looked at me to critique me.
My message was genuine about your pictures, they are amazing.
My stating my availability was another message.
This is my exact point about Fab.
There are some on here who have the pick of the bunch and some who hardly get a nibble.
Don’t hat on the small fish for trying. Xxx
I have to disagree with you here.
I had not looked at your profile until I saw your message. I do not have the feature ‘show I have viewed someone’s profile’ on, so I’m certain there’s no way your profile would show I looked at your profile. That’s neither here nor there.
I thanked you for your compliment because I genuinely was thanking you full stop. My response was succinct and gave no indication of any interest. Your response to that was sending me your availability. I cannot see how you assumed a thank you for the compliment was indicative of interest.
To assume that I think I’m better than anyone else is a massive assumption. I don’t think myself any better than anyone else and I certainly don’t treat anyone with any disrespect. You don’t know me, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Not that it matters one way or another, but for you to try to make me out to be someone I’m not when you don’t know me is in poor form.
"
,, crikey,, |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
Thank you for the feedback.
I think the issue was I should have checked the chat feed first. I saw you had looked at me and ‘presumed’ you had looked at me for me but rather you looked at me to critique me.
My message was genuine about your pictures, they are amazing.
My stating my availability was another message.
This is my exact point about Fab.
There are some on here who have the pick of the bunch and some who hardly get a nibble.
Don’t hat on the small fish for trying. Xxx
I have to disagree with you here.
I had not looked at your profile until I saw your message. I do not have the feature ‘show I have viewed someone’s profile’ on, so I’m certain there’s no way your profile would show I looked at your profile. That’s neither here nor there.
I thanked you for your compliment because I genuinely was thanking you full stop. My response was succinct and gave no indication of any interest. Your response to that was sending me your availability. I cannot see how you assumed a thank you for the compliment was indicative of interest.
To assume that I think I’m better than anyone else is a massive assumption. I don’t think myself any better than anyone else and I certainly don’t treat anyone with any disrespect. You don’t know me, but you couldn’t be more wrong. Not that it matters one way or another, but for you to try to make me out to be someone I’m not when you don’t know me is in poor form.
"
Thank you for your honesty’s and your polite response to my private message.
I think this is a ‘common mistake’ single men make on the site and I am glad to highlight it.
From what I can gather one message is ok but two and it’s inappropriate.
So in conclusion if you have a good profile with lots of information is the way forward.
Add in lots of skilfully taken photos, preferably by a professional photographer you will be ok .
There are so manny variables that it can’t be predicted you either click with another Fabber or you don’t.
You are the most important factor and you should be who you want to be.
Happy Fabbing and thanks for all the posts
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"Agreed - any pics in a bathroom are an instant no from me. It is not somewhere that I associate with attraction and suggests that you are in there because you live with your wife or your parents lol x"
...or share a bedroom with a sibling! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It doesn't really matter what is or isn't on your profile in my opinion. Don't lose sleep about it. The guys I know who have lots of meets generally have rubbish or empty profiles but actually get out to events and meet people in person.
We have a great selection of organised pub socials down here in Sussex so, OP, why don't you head to one of those and show everyone how genuine you are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nobody needs a pro photographer on fab. "
Agreed. I do all my pics by myself (except for the FF ones which were taken by male partners). Tripod, good lighting, phone in selfie mode, record a short video in various poses, screenshot the best ones, crop out the unnecessary background and voila! Takes about 5 mins to get several good photos. |
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
quick compliment belladonna your photos are absolutely beautiful that's all
Is that a poke at a guy giving a genuine compliment?
Her photos are amazing and really well taken.
Why are you mocking a genuine compliment? "
I wasn't mocking you at all dude I thought I'd compliment her pics through the thread because I assume she wouldn't want a message just saying her pics are beautiful you presume that I'm mocking you when in fact I was complimenting her for myself not to mock you |
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"Sending a message stating your availability is not the way forward.
You’ve gone from trying to sound genuine and honest to assumptions and over the top. Especially if the woman you’ve messaged has not expressed any interest in you, or more specifically meeting up.
quick compliment belladonna your photos are absolutely beautiful that's all
Is that a poke at a guy giving a genuine compliment?
Her photos are amazing and really well taken.
Why are you mocking a genuine compliment?
I think it's just a guy genuinely complimenting a woman he's not mocking anyone "
indeed I was just complimenting her pics wasn't mocking anyone |
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I always find that people judge you on what they see and hear, but less so on what you tell them. People who are timewasters, non-genuine, etc... like to make it clear that they are not these things. Most "genuine" people, just assume that people will see that without being told.
The best way to come across as being nice, is by being nice. Walk the walk, rather than talk the talk.
Cal |
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Opening messages are nails. First remember (statisticly) you Opening message has a good chance of no reply or a no thanks. Once you accept that then look at how you improve your chances. Firstly a generic message like this doesn't stand out to many. If your going to do this you may as well send a wink. So if your going to send a message best to send something that let's your character shine through and picks up maybe something about them or something you have in common. But something light hearted and easy going. However regardless of how good or not your message is people will check out your profile and if your profile is not for them it won't help anyway. Plus there is the luck of timing. Just getting a message to them at a good time their ready to receive such messages is important.
So basically it's difficult. Any kind of success is normally off the back of hard work. That's the game, up to you if you want to play or not. |
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Genuine people who don't bullshit almost never have to state it for people to know. To the point that the statement sounds like a lie, especially as an opener.
As a general rule, if something is bland and inoffensive enough to be acceptable to everyone, it's also going to be inherently uninteresting.
I would only advise messaging the people you are genuinely interested in as more than a viable orifice, that fit your stated preferences and that you fit the stated preferences of, and with something unique and specific to what they have said on their profile or posts.
Or, keep up the numbers game. Eventually someone will be bored enough to respond  |
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Have you reviewed the posts from single men who are struggling to get their expected success here and seen what's pertinent to you OP? It's wise to invest your energy wisely here, rather than too broad and thinly. |
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By *ubyMoonWoman
over a year ago
Newport, Isle of Wight |
Honestly I think theres no 'right' way to start. Some things that appeal to me i've seen other people say are an instant block, and visa versa. Everyone's different and you won't get lucky 80% of the time. |
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» Add a new message to this topic
Genuine ginger beard tho 