FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Frustration for single males
Frustration for single males
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers |
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the fact is there are dozens of time-wasters, dreamers or ppl not interested right now on the site...keep trying, visit some club where you can meet real swingers, check their friends as they are possibly real too and try contact them, also check the re_iews of ppl you wany to contact. Sometimes you can see circles and groups of users you won't believe they are real.... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers"
no offence... but it is kinda this approach that drives me up the wall... I'll explain...
just because you have "a decent sized cock"... or you think you are good looking and look after yourself... you are not owed...
heck, I am probably the opposite of you... I am of a larger build, I don't think I am the best looking bloke, but I have gone out to try and be the best me I can be and that the way I stand out..
so how have you gone out to distinguish yourself from the thousands of other men out there..... as an example, your profile doesn't
you get out what you put in... so what have you put in??? |
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I think your profile reads well and you certainly are a good looking guy. The only change I would make is to reduce the amount of photos of your cock, I personally think more than one is overkill. Maybe put up some photos that say something about yourself and the things you like. I put a photo of my bf with his motorbike in the pic and we've had lots of nice messages since and a promising meet planned because of it. I think that's because it helps to give people something to start chatting about  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers
no offence... but it is kinda this approach that drives me up the wall... I'll explain...
just because you have "a decent sized cock"... or you think you are good looking and look after yourself... you are not owed...
heck, I am probably the opposite of you... I am of a larger build, I don't think I am the best looking bloke, but I have gone out to try and be the best me I can be and that the way I stand out..
so how have you gone out to distinguish yourself from the thousands of other men out there..... as an example, your profile doesn't
you get out what you put in... so what have you put in??? "
Well said that man!  |
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"Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers
no offence... but it is kinda this approach that drives me up the wall... I'll explain...
just because you have "a decent sized cock"... or you think you are good looking and look after yourself... you are not owed...
heck, I am probably the opposite of you... I am of a larger build, I don't think I am the best looking bloke, but I have gone out to try and be the best me I can be and that the way I stand out..
so how have you gone out to distinguish yourself from the thousands of other men out there..... as an example, your profile doesn't
you get out what you put in... so what have you put in??? "
You've got one of the best profiles I've read |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the problem with your profile is that you have a picture of your cock with a bottle which is all very well but what your missing is ...... The mandatory sky remote pics, without this pic in your collection your effectively Ice skating up hills !!! Apart from that just be patient. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers
no offence... but it is kinda this approach that drives me up the wall... I'll explain...
just because you have "a decent sized cock"... or you think you are good looking and look after yourself... you are not owed...
heck, I am probably the opposite of you... I am of a larger build, I don't think I am the best looking bloke, but I have gone out to try and be the best me I can be and that the way I stand out..
so how have you gone out to distinguish yourself from the thousands of other men out there..... as an example, your profile doesn't
you get out what you put in... so what have you put in??? "
I expected some negative feed back and that's why i was asking for advice. Thanks for the comments all are happily received and notes are being taken.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think the problem with your profile is that you have a picture of your cock with a bottle which is all very well but what your missing is ...... The mandatory sky remote pics, without this pic in your collection your effectively Ice skating up hills !!! Apart from that just be patient. "
I thought it was a bottle of vinegar at first lol.
But apparently OP, a lot of women don't seem to go for those sky remote kinda measurement pics. So you've been offered good advice there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers"
There is nothing wrong with your profile or you. It's simply a matter of numbers. There is a serious lack of women on the site, simple as that. You are fit, good looking and I believe you when you say you have no trouble pulling outside of the site. Lots of women in here would be over the moon if a hottie like you paid them attention in real life, however on here they are all supermodels lol so all single guys become objects of ridicule. Just part of the site mentality. You get used to it!  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
its not negative feedback as such....
the point is you get out what you put in, and the site does give you all the tools to make it work..... it is up to you to decide if you want to take advantage of all of them, some of them.. or none of them...
I'll give you two examples...
1) the forums are a small part of the site.... but before this post how many times have you used it in the last year and a bit that you have been here....
the lovely "green arrow" says 3 times....
now there are people who use this part of the site... i am guessing most of those people would not know you because you are not using it (except to gripe)
oppotunity missed.....
lets take profile as an example....
your profile is your shop window to the world..... use it...
imagine a high street with loads of shops on it.... 99% of them have things in the window that are dull and bland.... and 1% has something that is bright and sparkly.... which is likely to draw your eye???
again... oppotunity missed....
give people a reason to say "oh my god wow I have to meet that person"......
you can rely on your looks, and 6 pack and cock if you want.... but do they really stand out?
I'll just keep making the most of what the site has to offer.. and make myself stand out more and more and more...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers
no offence... but it is kinda this approach that drives me up the wall... I'll explain...
just because you have "a decent sized cock"... or you think you are good looking and look after yourself... you are not owed...
heck, I am probably the opposite of you... I am of a larger build, I don't think I am the best looking bloke, but I have gone out to try and be the best me I can be and that the way I stand out..
so how have you gone out to distinguish yourself from the thousands of other men out there..... as an example, your profile doesn't
you get out what you put in... so what have you put in??? "
Have to agree with this. Plus the way you think the male halves of couples must be saying no. Have you considered that it could be the women simply not finding you attractive. There does seem to be a sense of entitlement.
And how many cock pics do you really need?
On a plus point you can accommodate and this in theory gives you a huge advantage over men on here. And you can clearly string a sentence together, but your profile is very bland and generic, it doesn't make you stand out.
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It's a good profile although the only thing I would say goes against you is the amount of cock shots....imo some are a little scary too so if I think that then maybe others will think that too....you may be lowering your target market then. Just a thought. |
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I see no references to StarWars at all. With that regrettable, nay, reprehensible ommission, I suggest less cock pics, especially lose the vinegar bottle one, and more about you, eg. I see some vaguely fetishy items....what is your USP? Why should a lady choose you? Eh? Answer that, add it to your profile. Look at Han Solo, how he lures Princess Leia into a big snog in the trees. |
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By *exykirstyWoman
over a year ago
North of Manchester |
Why do men, think that by joining a swinging site it is an automatic shag.
I am very choosy who I meet on here, and I think it is because I am sober when chatting, and looking for that connection.
Now if out and in a night club , and had a few drinks, your inhibitions vanish and it's different, and things happen that would never happen if it was the same person on here.
What Fabio wrote is so true, you only get back what you put in.
That is going to socials and clubs.
People are changing their attitude and meeting more in clubs now, as it is a safer environment, but a single guy going to a club again does not guarantee a shag.
Just work hard at it, and keep going, having had 2 meets your doing quite well, some guys have had no meets in a year. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see no references to StarWars at all. With that regrettable, nay, reprehensible ommission, I suggest less cock pics, especially lose the vinegar bottle one, and more about you, eg. I see some vaguely fetishy items....what is your USP? Why should a lady choose you? Eh? Answer that, add it to your profile. Look at Han Solo, how he lures Princess Leia into a big snog in the trees. "
Hey Mister, I used the force & spotted the vinegar first. But you have learnt well my young padawan |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its not negative feedback as such....
the point is you get out what you put in, and the site does give you all the tools to make it work..... it is up to you to decide if you want to take advantage of all of them, some of them.. or none of them...
I'll give you two examples...
1) the forums are a small part of the site.... but before this post how many times have you used it in the last year and a bit that you have been here....
the lovely "green arrow" says 3 times....
now there are people who use this part of the site... i am guessing most of those people would not know you because you are not using it (except to gripe)
oppotunity missed.....
lets take profile as an example....
your profile is your shop window to the world..... use it...
imagine a high street with loads of shops on it.... 99% of them have things in the window that are dull and bland.... and 1% has something that is bright and sparkly.... which is likely to draw your eye???
again... oppotunity missed....
give people a reason to say "oh my god wow I have to meet that person"......
you can rely on your looks, and 6 pack and cock if you want.... but do they really stand out?
I'll just keep making the most of what the site has to offer.. and make myself stand out more and more and more......"
Expect nothing, maintain honesty, integrity and respect for others, don't get tempted to whinge, moan or rant - oh - and use all the tools on site to interact in a positive way !
And a sense of humour in all you do goes a long way!
Good luck ! |
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"or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
"
this is the bit that got me , explain that , is this you thinking the hubby dont want to meet a vwe person. or just looking for another excuse, imo a cpl of meets thats well done , theres a few that aint had a meet yet ,redo your profile take out most cock pics as seems your basing this as your best feature, try to sell yourself not just the cock. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm also not having much luck getting meets via the site, I thought I took a lot of care with writing my profile but I send messages out and hardly ever get a reply back, even if it's a no thank you.
I however have been to clubs as s single guy, not expecting to play but have normally ended up having a good night. Maybe I find it easier to sell myself in person that via a email or a profile?
I do find that it takes a lot of work to stand out of the vast amount of single guys on a swingers site, but how to shine is something that I'm fully confused by. I do think graphicly detailed verifications or cock shots are tacky so I avoid them. I'm not so sure my stocky and somewhat average torso would make for a great photo plus the whole reflection in the mirror shots don't look so good either.
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How about a pic dressed as Harry Potter? It will show you have a sense of humour, a suggestion that you are an expert with a magic wand, and you can make jokes about wanting to explore a ladies Diagon Alley.
If you get a nasty message, like "yuk, you're weasley", you could reply wittily with "yeah, can I get into your Burrow?"
The joke obviously being The Burrow is the name of the Weasley's house. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP: swinging is NOT all about your cock.
Seriously. It's not!
Lose the cock pictures from your profile, and try to give more of a sense of what you are like as a person. Remember, a woman's biggest sex organ is her mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP: swinging is NOT all about your cock.
Seriously. It's not!
Lose the cock pictures from your profile, and try to give more of a sense of what you are like as a person. Remember, a woman's biggest sex organ is her mind."
Would have to agree. Far too many cock photos and not good ones either. I would seriously consider taking some of them out, especially the third one where you have taken the photo from underneath.... Not flattering at all. Variety is key |
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"OP: swinging is NOT all about your cock.
Seriously. It's not!
Lose the cock pictures from your profile, and try to give more of a sense of what you are like as a person. Remember, a woman's biggest sex organ is her mind."
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Have to agree with many of the other ladies. You're a good looking guy with a nice body. I'd like to see more torso and bum pics and (just for my preferences) a back and shoulder pic.
those are the ones that get me going, the ones that I keep clicking on a profile to perv over. One cock shot is sufficient. As for the ones from below: most ladies don't find balls attractive, even the ladies who love to play with them!
Oh, and smile too - you look a little bit solemn!
Good luck. |
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"its not negative feedback as such....
the point is you get out what you put in, and the site does give you all the tools to make it work..... it is up to you to decide if you want to take advantage of all of them, some of them.. or none of them...
I'll give you two examples...
1) the forums are a small part of the site.... but before this post how many times have you used it in the last year and a bit that you have been here....
the lovely "green arrow" says 3 times....
now there are people who use this part of the site... i am guessing most of those people would not know you because you are not using it (except to gripe)
oppotunity missed....."
So, because he hasn't really used the forum before, he shouldn't now? Rubbish. The guy posted asking for advise. I used to use the forum quite a lot but stopped due to the 'Forum Police' always prowling in the background ready to pounce and bring somebody down with there negative remarks!!
I do agree with what Fabio said earlier tho.. You do have to put in to get out. Trying some socials has also been said, if you are here for that side of it too. People like to see folk chatting and having a laugh, it puts some more at ease to see the real person and not just the animal in the bedroom lol. |
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By *evilwolfCouple
over a year ago
Leicestershire |
I agree with the comment that 'you have to put in'. From observation, some have to 'put in' more than others. As for using the forums and oppurtunities missed.. I think we've met one person off the forums and all the rest have been via site messages instead, so I couldn't offer any useful statistics to qualify that.
Regarding your comments OP, all you can do is keep chipping away at it. Spread the net, look at who you're messaging and make yourself (quote) the 'best darned you there is'
Wolf
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its not negative feedback as such....
the point is you get out what you put in, and the site does give you all the tools to make it work..... it is up to you to decide if you want to take advantage of all of them, some of them.. or none of them...
I'll give you two examples...
1) the forums are a small part of the site.... but before this post how many times have you used it in the last year and a bit that you have been here....
the lovely "green arrow" says 3 times....
now there are people who use this part of the site... i am guessing most of those people would not know you because you are not using it (except to gripe)
oppotunity missed.....
lets take profile as an example....
your profile is your shop window to the world..... use it...
imagine a high street with loads of shops on it.... 99% of them have things in the window that are dull and bland.... and 1% has something that is bright and sparkly.... which is likely to draw your eye???
again... oppotunity missed....
give people a reason to say "oh my god wow I have to meet that person"......
you can rely on your looks, and 6 pack and cock if you want.... but do they really stand out?
I'll just keep making the most of what the site has to offer.. and make myself stand out more and more and more......"
As often happens, I find myself in complete agreement with Fabio. All I would add is that the key for me when I started using the internet for swinging/dating was.... take a step outside of yourself and REALLY try to see what OTHERS see. That can very easily be 180 degrees opposite to how you see yourself, or how you 'think' you look to others.
Sometimes it can be a hard lesson in life, but a very necessary one - specially if you want to succeed on here... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
Re: using the forums
It wasn't a case of me saying "you have to use them!"
It was more a case of using or not using all the avenues that are open to you.....
The forums being one.... The chat rooms would be another.... Same as using profiles, same as going to clubs, same as going to socials.....
The more avenues you use, the more opportunities may arise, as some of you said, it may only lead to one or two meets.... But it is one or two meets more than you would have had without it.....
One person before me put it short and sweet... Swinging sometime is more than just a website.... The website is there to open doors...
The main point being again, you can use as many of the avenues open to you... Use all, use some, use none... In the end that choice is yours..... |
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Just to put a bit of perspective on this, at any given time there can be around 10,000 Fabs members online! I dont have the exact split or ratios but the vast majority i suspect are guys looking for action. So you are in very heavy competition to catch the attention of a woman, the single women are few and far between so the message is you have to have a USP..looking at your profile it strikes me that you have far too many cock pics, you look very "serious" in the face pics and you also have included the faces of the woman--that may indeed put women off contacting you.
Suggest you also lighten up with the words--tell more about what you enjoy doing for the ladies--its meant to be about mutual fun!
Good hunting....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been on here for what seems a life time, in this time I've never known frustration like it. I've been told I'm a good looking guy, I look after my body, have a decent sized cock and I'm fit and healthy. I've never had trouble with getting female attention outside of the swinging life style.
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong ! I'm always polite in my messages but for some reason feel like I'm pissing in the wind most of the time.
I get plenty of people looking at my profile & my repeat lookers but hardly ever a message. Is it simpley down to personal preference ? Or is it down to fake profiles, time wasters or the male side of the couples not wanting us to meet?
All theory's welcome, also is there anything I could do to help my profile out ?? Cheers"
I the male read all the messages, if the profile has loads of cock shots then its a no no.
For success with us a photo of you well dressed without sexual poses, perhAps smiling . Why not get a professional photo done, I used to when I was trawling the plenty of fish site. Unless your a couple and you want a social evening and then we will meet just for the crack of it |
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The name may put people off, because you're referring to your cock rather than yourself. It shows a level of expectation and kind of lacks self respect- I hope you don't feel offended by this comment.
Also the clubs and parties are great places to meet people. Never go expecting anything, just meet and connect. The truth is that in life 1/3 of the people will actively like you, 1/3 will think you're OK and 1/3 will actively dislike you- and none of this is personal, it's just life. The same is true of meets on here.
Never take rejection personally, people respect good grace. Also most single women do not read 95% of their mails. Again it's not personal- they are inundated and genuinely don't have time, especially as most their messages are complete rubbish. So, it's a numbers game, if you send enough messages to women, or whoever, having read their profile in detail and demonstrated it in your response, some people will get back to you and many won't- it's nothing personal. And go for like-minded people. It's a lot of work, but over a very long period of time and with much, what you perceive as rejection, you will meet some lovely people. I have engaged with wonderful people who I am also proud to rank among my close friends.
Also read the club re_iews. I really hope this is of help to you. Good luck and Happy Pigeoning. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what the hell is pigeoning ?
"
Similar to sea-gulling but with a smaller deposit!
Btw single guys here moan about not getting meets but as we found out last week faced with actually turning up lots of men bottle it. Many just like the idea of it.... |
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"what the hell is pigeoning ?
Similar to sea-gulling but with a smaller deposit!
Btw single guys here moan about not getting meets but as we found out last week faced with actually turning up lots of men bottle it. Many just like the idea of it.... "
what the hell is sea gulling ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what the hell is pigeoning ?
Similar to sea-gulling but with a smaller deposit!
Btw single guys here moan about not getting meets but as we found out last week faced with actually turning up lots of men bottle it. Many just like the idea of it....
what the hell is sea gulling ?"
Similar to pigeoning but with a larger deposit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But I dont know what either are :
It sounds like you stand above someone and sort of drip cum down on them, but thats just so odd I cant see why someone would build an entire fetish round it.
"
Lol you along the right lines, google it but not at work ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, like you I have no problems when out pulling, but the sex often isn't as good as on here if Im honest. I like to think my body and cock are reasonable and I'm not too bad looking I hope. But while I believe my pics are passable I also like to think I possess a vivid imagination and ability to make utter filth seem like the sweetest indulgence possible....
Guess which of these traits are the most persuasive in convincing ladies that they will be leaving me breathless and smiling from ear to ear?
Then again I have ridiculous working hours knocking flat the chance for many meets that would be delicious beyond words...everyone has something holding them back, but the trick really is to think positive.
Good luck!
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"Why do men, think that by joining a swinging site it is an automatic shag.
I am very choosy who I meet on here, and I think it is because I am sober when chatting, and looking for that connection.
Now if out and in a night club , and had a few drinks, your inhibitions vanish and it's different, and things happen that would never happen if it was the same person on here.
What Fabio wrote is so true, you only get back what you put in.
That is going to socials and clubs.
People are changing their attitude and meeting more in clubs now, as it is a safer environment, but a single guy going to a club again does not guarantee a shag.
Just work hard at it, and keep going, having had 2 meets your doing quite well, some guys have had no meets in a year."
Speaking from the perspective of a man who HAS had admittedly nice experiences with male/female couples both in a swingers' club and at my own place, I have to say I agree with the wisdom that making yourself known at socials and swingers' clubs and NOT just for a shag but also for the social bond, is the way to go.
However, I am inclined to say I politely disagree with the mentality of ignoring somebody solely on the basis of a profile and it does frustrate me as well some times. And my reasoning is, while it's 110% understandable to want to see somebody in the flesh and in the safety of a social or a club so that you can get an idea whether he/she is a weirdo or owt, if you decide to outright ignore someone based on the impression of his/her/their profile, how would you ever give them a chance at a swingers' social or club? Why not just reply, "If you want to meet with me/us, it will only be in a club or a social first and if I/we like you as a person we will consider playing"
Bitter experience has taught me that nice profiles do not always mean nice people x |
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