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1st timer male in a club
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey, I’m contemplating going to a club alone in Essex or Kent.
I’d like to build up some verifications and get into the lifestyle being single male it’s seems quite tricky.
Now I’ve not got a body builder body, but not ashamed of myself, going as a single gent I would dress smartly of course be hygienic.
Im happy and confident chatting to people just not sure how to break the ice so to speak, big step for me just to walk through the door of a club, firstly what can I expect?
I certainly don’t want to be a creeper but realise that being a lone male it may come across like that.
I read and understand the etiquette no mean no and asking to join in the fun if it gets that far are a must, respect people decisions I’m happy with that.
I’ve considered meeting peeps for a coffee outside of the club environment to learn more before taking the plunge but that doesn’t seem like a thing.
Any advice would be welcome from ladies or gents
TIA |
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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
No means no, respecting people’s decisions are rules you should follow in every aspect of life, not just at a club…if they weren’t specified as rules/etiquette of a club wouldn’t you do that anyway, just because it’s the right thing to do? Do you need to be told to only piss in the toilets and not spit in people’s faces when you’re at a club as well?
I’m sure you know the difference between what’s right and wrong, why don’t you just follow the same moral and social rules when you’re at a club that you do every where else? What is it about being at a club that makes you think you’re not going to know how to behave or what’s the right and wrong thing to do?
Maybe you could ask us some questions about certain scenarios and how you think you should behave in those scenarios so that we can gauge whether you need any help with how to behave in social situations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No means no, respecting people’s decisions are rules you should follow in every aspect of life, not just at a club…if they weren’t specified as rules/etiquette of a club wouldn’t you do that anyway, just because it’s the right thing to do? Do you need to be told to only piss in the toilets and not spit in people’s faces when you’re at a club as well?
I’m sure you know the difference between what’s right and wrong, why don’t you just follow the same moral and social rules when you’re at a club that you do every where else? What is it about being at a club that makes you think you’re not going to know how to behave or what’s the right and wrong thing to do?
Maybe you could ask us some questions about certain scenarios and how you think you should behave in those scenarios so that we can gauge whether you need any help with how to behave in social situations. "
Speaking as a guy who hasn't been to a club, I can see the OP's point of view. Fucking in public is pretty far outside most people's idea of what a social norm is. So it makes sense to be nervous about how to behave around that, and how you will be perceived. Totally makes sense to be posting, looking for advice.
I find the post I'm quoting above to be unnecessarily harsh. While for veterans, the social norms of club behaviour may be as familiar as going out to the pub or a restaurant, and while the basic societal rules of "be polite, ask permission" definitely hold in a club as well as elsewhere, it's normal to be concerned with how else one should behave in such a (to him) alien environment.
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Sounds like you have an understanding of the etiquette when in the play rooms. Up until that point just conduct yourself as you would if you were at a party. Try make small talk with people at the bar, then gauge if they want to continue the conversation. Something as simple as 'have you been here before?' is usually a good icebreaker. You'll quickly be able to tell of people want to engage in conversation. If they do, don't out stay your welcome. People may be happy to chat for 10 minutes but don't necessarily want to spend their evening talking to you. If you want to gauge the likelihood of taking your conversation at the bar to fun else where, saying something like 'I'll hope to see you later' or 'I may see you upstairs?' You seem like a socially intelligent guy, I am sure you'll be able to read their language.
If you talk to others single guys make it brief and try avoid hanging around with a group of single guys. Its of putting to single women and couples. If they only want to engage with one person in that group they're hardly likely to single someone one.
Don't forget that it's meant to be fun! Try enjoy the whole experience, and never drink too much  x |
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"No means no, respecting people’s decisions are rules you should follow in every aspect of life, not just at a club…if they weren’t specified as rules/etiquette of a club wouldn’t you do that anyway, just because it’s the right thing to do? Do you need to be told to only piss in the toilets and not spit in people’s faces when you’re at a club as well?
I’m sure you know the difference between what’s right and wrong, why don’t you just follow the same moral and social rules when you’re at a club that you do every where else? What is it about being at a club that makes you think you’re not going to know how to behave or what’s the right and wrong thing to do?
Maybe you could ask us some questions about certain scenarios and how you think you should behave in those scenarios so that we can gauge whether you need any help with how to behave in social situations.
Speaking as a guy who hasn't been to a club, I can see the OP's point of view. Fucking in public is pretty far outside most people's idea of what a social norm is. So it makes sense to be nervous about how to behave around that, and how you will be perceived. Totally makes sense to be posting, looking for advice.
I find the post I'm quoting above to be unnecessarily harsh. While for veterans, the social norms of club behaviour may be as familiar as going out to the pub or a restaurant, and while the basic societal rules of "be polite, ask permission" definitely hold in a club as well as elsewhere, it's normal to be concerned with how else one should behave in such a (to him) alien environment.
"
Yep agreed that was harsh. OP just asking for general advice. I think people who've been regularly underestimate how daunting it feels from the outside (for ladies as well as men). Clubs and parties/events more generally also vary a lot in terms of what is normal in terms of what to wear/getting naked, extent of play in the open, dedicated social areas, mix of people and general vibe. etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No means no, respecting people’s decisions are rules you should follow in every aspect of life, not just at a club…if they weren’t specified as rules/etiquette of a club wouldn’t you do that anyway, just because it’s the right thing to do? Do you need to be told to only piss in the toilets and not spit in people’s faces when you’re at a club as well?
I’m sure you know the difference between what’s right and wrong, why don’t you just follow the same moral and social rules when you’re at a club that you do every where else? What is it about being at a club that makes you think you’re not going to know how to behave or what’s the right and wrong thing to do?
Maybe you could ask us some questions about certain scenarios and how you think you should behave in those scenarios so that we can gauge whether you need any help with how to behave in social situations. "
Thank you for your feedback. I want to reassure you that I hold manners and etiquette in high regard in all my interactions. Just as I take the time to consider your posts, I'm dedicated to being respectful and considerate. Let's continue exchanging ideas constructively |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sounds like you have an understanding of the etiquette when in the play rooms. Up until that point just conduct yourself as you would if you were at a party. Try make small talk with people at the bar, then gauge if they want to continue the conversation. Something as simple as 'have you been here before?' is usually a good icebreaker. You'll quickly be able to tell of people want to engage in conversation. If they do, don't out stay your welcome. People may be happy to chat for 10 minutes but don't necessarily want to spend their evening talking to you. If you want to gauge the likelihood of taking your conversation at the bar to fun else where, saying something like 'I'll hope to see you later' or 'I may see you upstairs?' You seem like a socially intelligent guy, I am sure you'll be able to read their language.
If you talk to others single guys make it brief and try avoid hanging around with a group of single guys. Its of putting to single women and couples. If they only want to engage with one person in that group they're hardly likely to single someone one.
Don't forget that it's meant to be fun! Try enjoy the whole experience, and never drink too much x"
Thank you so much for sharing your insightful advice! Your tips on navigating the social dynamics in play rooms and making genuine connections are truly valuable. It's great to have a clear understanding of how to approach conversations and gauge people's interest. Your icebreaker suggestions and reminders about not overstaying one's welcome are incredibly helpful. Your guidance on interacting with others, especially in terms of avoiding large groups and staying mindful of the overall atmosphere, makes a lot of sense. And of course, your reminder to keep the focus on fun and moderation is a fantastic reminder. Your positivity and wisdom shine through, and I appreciate you taking the time to provide such thoughtful advice! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A big thanks to all the positive posters for your great advice and support. Your insights really make a difference. And a special thank you to those who offered support on the negative post. Your kindness and empathy show the strength of our community. Let's keep up the positive atmosphere as we share our experiences and help each other out. Cheers, everyone!
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By *oxesMan
over a year ago
Southend, Essex |
"Hey, I’m contemplating going to a club alone in Essex or Kent.
I’d like to build up some verifications and get into the lifestyle being single male it’s seems quite tricky.
Now I’ve not got a body builder body, but not ashamed of myself, going as a single gent I would dress smartly of course be hygienic.
Im happy and confident chatting to people just not sure how to break the ice so to speak, big step for me just to walk through the door of a club, firstly what can I expect?
I certainly don’t want to be a creeper but realise that being a lone male it may come across like that.
I read and understand the etiquette no mean no and asking to join in the fun if it gets that far are a must, respect people decisions I’m happy with that.
I’ve considered meeting peeps for a coffee outside of the club environment to learn more before taking the plunge but that doesn’t seem like a thing.
Any advice would be welcome from ladies or gents
TIA"
Go for it mate. Be yourself and enjoy it. As a single male I feel a lot safer going to a sex club alone than I would a night club.
My advice is to socialise and do not go with expectations of garenteed play. Monkey business in Essex is a really good club to go to of you are looking for acalmer more sociable affair. |
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