Sorry think I put the original message in the wrong chatroom so I'll try again.
My wife has ask if we can try a Master Sub dynamic with her being the sub, I'm fully happy to go with it if it's something she would like to experiment with, but I have little to no experience with this sort of thing and don't want dive in with what I think she wants and either be too demanding, putting her off or too weak and she not enjoying it, we have mucked around about but never seriously, we have written a sort of contract stating what is expected of each of us, but could anyone suggest ideas to play, things to ask her to do, commands, punishments (if needed), etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Honestly the answer is no
Each persons dynamic is personal to themselves. It depends on limits, likes and dislikes, chemistry all sorts.
There is no one stop generic set of rules or tasks or kinks that suits everyone.
If you are new to it get yourself to munches, read up on the internet from verified sources, try the other well known site.
There are people who will mentor you, not every Dominant or submissive wants to or suits being a mentor. Be aware of the thirsty and fakes who may offer. Vet them. For me mentoring is not and should never be sexually about you and them
It’s a great journey but personal to yourselves |
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Safe words.
Have a couple of words she can say, that can slow down or stop what you are doing.
I favour the 'traffic light' safe words
Amber means stop doing what you are doing now.
Red means stop everything.
Check in. As the Dom/me is in charge , they are responsible for making sure the sub is enjoying themselves
Aftercare. Reassuring the sub after the playtime. Cuddles and kisses.
But suggestions for things to do.
Have you got a collar? That could be a symbol of when the D/s rules are in place.
Once you put the collar on, she has to call you sir, kneel at your feet, do as she's told etc. (Unless she uses Safe words obviously)
Beyond that...
Impact play? Spanking etc.
Exhibitionism? Flashing, going on webcams
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Get yourselves a couple of non fiction books and read them together. If only one of you reads them you'll be no further forward. I recommend 'Screw the Roses Send Me the Thorns'. Google 'mojo upgrade', it's an on line questionnaire you fill in separately that only shows results of what you're both keen on trying and what each of you day they're happy to consider.
Have fun and as long as you're both happy with what you're doing and nobody is being physically or psychologically harmed don't let anyone tell you you're doing it wrong .
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
Why does she want this? How does she want to feel?
Does M/s get you off? Does the idea of a woman - specifically, your woman - craving your approval appeal? How about physical control?
There’s that moment, where you have to actively choose to take control, and she has to consciously choose to let you. It’s 100% in the head, and nobody else can do it for you. |
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Thank you for your advice, yes we both get off on the idea, we have mutually mucked about at it but it was her idea to do it seriously, I'm not a naturally commanding person so need to work on it and she does understand, |
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Before any of this, you need a fully clothed non-sexy conversation about it all - you need whatever you decide to do to work for both of you.
If a discussion straight off the bat is a bit meh, each of you filling in a BDSM checklist (Google will be your friend here) will give you a good starting point to find the crossover points. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
All D/s relationships including M/s are relationships of total honesty. Therefore you need to know what is on her mind in terms of specifics. What extra is she looking to add to the current relationship
You also have to look at yourself and see what you are willing to do.
You need to consider whether it is to be 24/7 D/s relationship, or just in the bedroom?
Are you looking for an old school D/s relationship where the sub is there to serve, or a modern relationship of agreed power exchange.
These situations are relationships and therefore require commitment and doing the work.
Inevitably there will be people on the thread that will say you have to be naturally dominant. I disagree with this because dominance is about leadership which can be developed, as can impact skills if so desired.
Also be wary of labels at this point use them as a guide but not as defining what you do. If what you end up doing works, it does not need a label, or you can delf-define.
There are a number of good podcasts, youtube channels and books. For YouTube I would recommend XR University and Evie Lupine.
It is also acceptable to say something is not for you.
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Endorse all the excellent advice above!
In addition, it has to be fun for both of you! As has been said, complete honesty is key, and as you will be learning about the Dominant role in particular, do not put unrealistic expectations on yourself as males tend to do. Tell each other you may get things wrong to start with, indeed you may even find yourselves dissolving into fits of laughter at the apparent absurdity of it all, but that is a good thing in the long run. Through this process you will both discover what presses your buttons and what doesn’t.
Also, keep reassuring and complimenting your Wife as that will give her the confidence to experiment and spread her wings.
Good luck with your new adventure x |
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Something we did when we first started out is read online when each of you finds something interesting send it to the other and discuss.
As the Dom ypu then pick what you think is workable, do your research and try things out.
Obviously I'm making some assumptions there like complete open and honest communication. I'd recommend all the non fiction stuff but also some of the fiction gives you ideas to.
Encourage her to be completely honest even when she may think it's 'freaky' you'll be surprised the things you find out about each other
Good luck |
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Another really good thing to do which we found so useful (regardless of this scenario or not) is do a sex menu quiz. If you do a quick search a few will come up. This can be really good for understanding both interests in areas you might not have considered before and as you writing them down can be less awkward and really interesting to talk through after.
If you want the link or the quiz I’ll happily send you a copy. |
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To add to the excellent advice above, look out for local Femdom Munches. There is an excellent one in Reading and London. FemDomme nights are also great fun to go watch, learn and make connections with others to have a support network and often there are other experienced subs (and Dommes for your wife), who mentor. It’s a huge responsibility, and it is good for you both to learn before jumping in, which is very reasonable and pragmatic. Good luck and I hope you have a lot of fun.
Xx
K |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
I've got a few more books for you:
- The Heart of Dominance, Anton Fulmen
- The New Topping Book/ The New Bottoming Book, Dossie Easton & Janet W Hardy
- The loving dominant, Libby & John Warren
They talk about the dynamic of master and sub dynamics, but also cover some great BDSM basics for play and 'funishmemt'.
They can help you navigate the conversations and help her outline what she feels she is wanting (which when you're first exploring this sometimes hard to articulate) |
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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
This sort of dynamic is something that will develop over time, part of the excitement is not knowing exactly where it will lead. Obviously the starting point is to set limits and a safe word and from there you can just experiment within those limits and let your imagination run wild. You’ll find that it’s a very fluid experience as you will be constantly trying new things, some you’ll enjoy and some you might not. Talking afterwards is important too, it’s the best way to find out what each of you enjoyed the most so that you can build on that next time and avoid the things that you didn’t enjoy so much.
You are already considering your subs needs and desires more than your own so you have the potential to be a very good Dom Sir. |
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