FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Crisis of confidence
Crisis of confidence
Jump to: Newest in thread
I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?"
Do something positive for someone else. There's nothing more rewarding or life affirming to make you feel great about yourself.
Take it away from Swinging into real life - that's more important and should come first. The more positivity you put out there the more you'll get back.
Sit on your arse and wait for it to come to you and its a pound to a penny you'll be worse! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?
Do something positive for someone else. There's nothing more rewarding or life affirming to make you feel great about yourself.
Take it away from Swinging into real life - that's more important and should come first. The more positivity you put out there the more you'll get back.
Sit on your arse and wait for it to come to you and it’s a pound to a penny you'll be worse!"
Thank you. I try as I agree entirely. I think it has just crept up without me noticing and has hit harder than I expected.
Absolutely right though, feeling good comes from all different angles |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Everyone around you is getting older with you though... There will always be someone who wants our wrinkled old bums lol.
That is true I suppose."
You look great and you're only 47??
Would you trade places with a short, fat, bald, eighteen year old with physical and mental disabilities?
Just because people are younger doesn't mean their lives are great...
You should be thankful for what you have and the life you have had, and as the other guy said, actually go and help someone else if you can't help yourself... Such an unselfish act WILL help you. It seems you are too focused on the physical which is here today gone tomorrow and has no lasting joy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Everyone around you is getting older with you though... There will always be someone who wants our wrinkled old bums lol.
That is true I suppose.
You look great and you're only 47??
Would you trade places with a short, fat, bald, eighteen year old with physical and mental disabilities?
Just because people are younger doesn't mean their lives are great...
You should be thankful for what you have and the life you have had, and as the other guy said, actually go and help someone else if you can't help yourself... Such an unselfish act WILL help you. It seems you are too focused on the physical which is here today gone tomorrow and has no lasting joy."
Thanks for the compliment. As for helping others. My career is based around that and I completely understand the difficulties with additional needs face. I appreciate the advice of others however in this case the approach of helping others is a constant part of my my life and as such changing my outlook cannot be achieved by doing what I do on a daily basis.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?
Do something positive for someone else. There's nothing more rewarding or life affirming to make you feel great about yourself.
Take it away from Swinging into real life - that's more important and should come first. The more positivity you put out there the more you'll get back.
Sit on your arse and wait for it to come to you and it’s a pound to a penny you'll be worse!
Thank you. I try as I agree entirely. I think it has just crept up without me noticing and has hit harder than I expected.
Absolutely right though, feeling good comes from all different angles"
Keep the faith. These things are cyclic. We all have those phases where we don't feel good - sometimes for no reason. Allow yourself a little reflective time and be kind to yourself, then find new motivation in those thoughts and go again.
Above all else keep sharing your thoughts - either on here, or to those closest to you. It's rarely easy - especially for us guys - but it really is worth being brave and getting it out there.
I have PTS, but normalise it. As a result I feel so much better about it not keeping it in. WSnt the case when I withdrew every time I was struggling. A problem shared and all that.....!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?
Do something positive for someone else. There's nothing more rewarding or life affirming to make you feel great about yourself.
Take it away from Swinging into real life - that's more important and should come first. The more positivity you put out there the more you'll get back.
Sit on your arse and wait for it to come to you and it’s a pound to a penny you'll be worse!
Thank you. I try as I agree entirely. I think it has just crept up without me noticing and has hit harder than I expected.
Absolutely right though, feeling good comes from all different angles
Keep the faith. These things are cyclic. We all have those phases where we don't feel good - sometimes for no reason. Allow yourself a little reflective time and be kind to yourself, then find new motivation in those thoughts and go again.
Above all else keep sharing your thoughts - either on here, or to those closest to you. It's rarely easy - especially for us guys - but it really is worth being brave and getting it out there.
I have PTS, but normalise it. As a result I feel so much better about it not keeping it in. WSnt the case when I withdrew every time I was struggling. A problem shared and all that.....! "
Very sensible. Not always easy to implement. As a previous poster has said I put a stock on my physical self and it can be difficult to accept that Father Time will win |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"OOoof and you too! Damn... What's a stone, you can lose it again xx
Thank you, but in part that is the issue, as you get older accepting that you may not recreate your past can hard to accept"
Sorry - just a thought on that.....
.....would you rather be a 'has-been' or a 'never was'? Reflect on your past wins and find pride and motivation. Who says it has to be the same achievement twice?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We totally understand the confidence issues, take a look at our pics and you'll see we have our own issues. But, we have each other and we have good friends who care about us regardless of our shape or size. Will be sending a PM later as well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Everyone around you is getting older with you though... There will always be someone who wants our wrinkled old bums lol.
That is true I suppose.
You look great and you're only 47??
Would you trade places with a short, fat, bald, eighteen year old with physical and mental disabilities?
Just because people are younger doesn't mean their lives are great...
You should be thankful for what you have and the life you have had, and as the other guy said, actually go and help someone else if you can't help yourself... Such an unselfish act WILL help you. It seems you are too focused on the physical which is here today gone tomorrow and has no lasting joy.
Thanks for the compliment. As for helping others. My career is based around that and I completely understand the difficulties with additional needs face. I appreciate the advice of others however in this case the approach of helping others is a constant part of my my life and as such changing my outlook cannot be achieved by doing what I do on a daily basis.
"
Are you 'really' helping people in your job though?
Jobs are part of an heartless institution.
That could be why you are unsatisfied?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"OOoof and you too! Damn... What's a stone, you can lose it again xx
Thank you, but in part that is the issue, as you get older accepting that you may not recreate your past can hard to accept"
Yep it can but you're currently living the past that I may not recreate . You'll never be younger than you are today and regretting the passage of time is fruitless, I know that from experience. It's true you may not recreate the past but while you're looking back on that you're missing what's in front of you.
I'm not unsympathetic, I'm always looking at the wrinkly skin on my arms and wishing it away but I think I can either try and live my best life wrinkly old arms and all or wear long sleeves and only go out after dark.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise."
True, every part of this, last Friday we were at Dangerous Curves and it was a veritable sea of flesh, the big bed must have had 30+ bodies on it, absolutely no issues with body image from anyone there and if I saw any of you any other time I would be equally drawn x you are sexy |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
True, every part of this, last Friday we were at Dangerous Curves and it was a veritable sea of flesh, the big bed must have had 30+ bodies on it, absolutely no issues with body image from anyone there and if I saw any of you any other time I would be equally drawn x you are sexy "
I concur! DC was fabulous! No sign of anyone being negative about others - exactly how it always is on a DC night!
Remember seeing you both sitting in the corner early on. Hope you had a great night! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise."
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Everyone around you is getting older with you though... There will always be someone who wants our wrinkled old bums lol.
That is true I suppose.
You look great and you're only 47??
Would you trade places with a short, fat, bald, eighteen year old with physical and mental disabilities?
Just because people are younger doesn't mean their lives are great...
You should be thankful for what you have and the life you have had, and as the other guy said, actually go and help someone else if you can't help yourself... Such an unselfish act WILL help you. It seems you are too focused on the physical which is here today gone tomorrow and has no lasting joy.
Thanks for the compliment. As for helping others. My career is based around that and I completely understand the difficulties with additional needs face. I appreciate the advice of others however in this case the approach of helping others is a constant part of my my life and as such changing my outlook cannot be achieved by doing what I do on a daily basis.
Are you 'really' helping people in your job though?
Jobs are part of an heartless institution.
That could be why you are unsatisfied?
"
I absolutely am. It is definitely not why I am in satisfied. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Everyone around you is getting older with you though... There will always be someone who wants our wrinkled old bums lol.
That is true I suppose.
You look great and you're only 47??
Would you trade places with a short, fat, bald, eighteen year old with physical and mental disabilities?
Just because people are younger doesn't mean their lives are great...
You should be thankful for what you have and the life you have had, and as the other guy said, actually go and help someone else if you can't help yourself... Such an unselfish act WILL help you. It seems you are too focused on the physical which is here today gone tomorrow and has no lasting joy.
Thanks for the compliment. As for helping others. My career is based around that and I completely understand the difficulties with additional needs face. I appreciate the advice of others however in this case the approach of helping others is a constant part of my my life and as such changing my outlook cannot be achieved by doing what I do on a daily basis.
Are you 'really' helping people in your job though?
Jobs are part of an heartless institution.
That could be why you are unsatisfied?
I absolutely am. It is definitely not why I am in satisfied."
I completely get where you are coming from. You do all the right stuff and still feel disappointed with yourself  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Everyone around you is getting older with you though... There will always be someone who wants our wrinkled old bums lol.
That is true I suppose.
You look great and you're only 47??
Would you trade places with a short, fat, bald, eighteen year old with physical and mental disabilities?
Just because people are younger doesn't mean their lives are great...
You should be thankful for what you have and the life you have had, and as the other guy said, actually go and help someone else if you can't help yourself... Such an unselfish act WILL help you. It seems you are too focused on the physical which is here today gone tomorrow and has no lasting joy.
Thanks for the compliment. As for helping others. My career is based around that and I completely understand the difficulties with additional needs face. I appreciate the advice of others however in this case the approach of helping others is a constant part of my my life and as such changing my outlook cannot be achieved by doing what I do on a daily basis.
Are you 'really' helping people in your job though?
Jobs are part of an heartless institution.
That could be why you are unsatisfied?
I absolutely am. It is definitely not why I am in satisfied.
I completely get where you are coming from. You do all the right stuff and still feel disappointed with yourself "
Thank you. I think you summed up my dilemma far better than me. No judgement on anyone else. And I understand all shapes and sizes are hugely attractive but just feeling low and wondering how to build that confidence |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's a thing I've set myself this summer to be kinder to myself (apparently it's a thing) and hopefully feel better about myself and in myself.
The real challenge is motivating myself to find out how and then implement it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I totally struggle with this. I get so many messages aweek online telling me how gorgeous I look, if they saw me in person, I doubt I would ever hear any of those words muttered. It happened me on here so I know it is true. I guess it's telling yourself you're beautiful and doing things to maintain the beauty. Lots of self care? Like eating healthy, exercising, beauty routine. But clothes that compliment your figure and personality |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x"
I think people have made the link between you saying you’d gained weight and are now feeling less confident. It seemed like you were saying that was why.
I don’t like what my body looks like. At all. I’m not confident. But I’ve found the ‘fake it till you make it approach’ works ok. My body is my body, it’ll look the same whether I’m miserable about it or not. And being self conscious isn’t sexy. So I go with the flow I trust that if someone says they like it, then they like it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I totally struggle with this. I get so many messages aweek online telling me how gorgeous I look, if they saw me in person, I doubt I would ever hear any of those words muttered. It happened me on here so I know it is true. I guess it's telling yourself you're beautiful and doing things to maintain the beauty. Lots of self care? Like eating healthy, exercising, beauty routine. But clothes that compliment your figure and personality "
(Mr)
I have seen you on the forums for ages and despite my opinions on your physical attraction your personality is what sets you apart. Confidence cannot be given by people giving compliments, it is something you can only give yourself. I have struggled with self image for years, so I empathise. The same goes for the OP, you seem like genuine people that actually care and that is worth more than a soulless supermodel. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?"
Hey you!
Just come across this and wanted to weigh in (fuck - no pun intended I promise).
As someone who met you all too briefly one night MONTHS ago (Oct ‘22?), I have thought often about that night. And it’s not your physical body I am remembering (or looking forward to seeing again soon!).
It’s your warmth, your wit, your charm, your openness. And your general winningness at life. So as long as they all remain intact - you will be good. Be confident in those qualities as you have them in spades.
Looking forward to seeing you on Friday - I promise it will be divine - just like you are.
Mrs Brum xxxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?
Hey you!
Just come across this and wanted to weigh in (fuck - no pun intended I promise).
As someone who met you all too briefly one night MONTHS ago (Oct ‘22?), I have thought often about that night. And it’s not your physical body I am remembering (or looking forward to seeing again soon!).
It’s your warmth, your wit, your charm, your openness. And your general winningness at life. So as long as they all remain intact - you will be good. Be confident in those qualities as you have them in spades.
Looking forward to seeing you on Friday - I promise it will be divine - just like you are.
Mrs Brum xxxx"
Damn you are smooth |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x
I think people have made the link between you saying you’d gained weight and are now feeling less confident. It seemed like you were saying that was why.
I don’t like what my body looks like. At all. I’m not confident. But I’ve found the ‘fake it till you make it approach’ works ok. My body is my body, it’ll look the same whether I’m miserable about it or not. And being self conscious isn’t sexy. So I go with the flow I trust that if someone says they like it, then they like it. "
Good advice. In part I think that the weight gain is part of the feeling less confident but that is based around me not feeling others will like it rather than me having a thing for perfect 10.
And you are right being miserable about it doesn’t change it, hard work might but I like food |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
A stone isn’t much really.
Starting something positive ( training, eating right, more sleep) can seem really hard especially when you feel bad but it always creates its own momentum through positive feelings.
So start - today ! I think you kind of have by posting this  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"A stone isn’t much really.
Starting something positive ( training, eating right, more sleep) can seem really hard especially when you feel bad but it always creates its own momentum through positive feelings.
So start - today ! I think you kind of have by posting this "
I Like your thinking, in the gym today and realising how hard it is after a break |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?
Hey you!
Just come across this and wanted to weigh in (fuck - no pun intended I promise).
As someone who met you all too briefly one night MONTHS ago (Oct ‘22?), I have thought often about that night. And it’s not your physical body I am remembering (or looking forward to seeing again soon!).
It’s your warmth, your wit, your charm, your openness. And your general winningness at life. So as long as they all remain intact - you will be good. Be confident in those qualities as you have them in spades.
Looking forward to seeing you on Friday - I promise it will be divine - just like you are.
Mrs Brum xxxx
Damn you are smooth "
Just speaking my truth |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x
I think people have made the link between you saying you’d gained weight and are now feeling less confident. It seemed like you were saying that was why.
I don’t like what my body looks like. At all. I’m not confident. But I’ve found the ‘fake it till you make it approach’ works ok. My body is my body, it’ll look the same whether I’m miserable about it or not. And being self conscious isn’t sexy. So I go with the flow I trust that if someone says they like it, then they like it.
Good advice. In part I think that the weight gain is part of the feeling less confident but that is based around me not feeling others will like it rather than me having a thing for perfect 10.
And you are right being miserable about it doesn’t change it, hard work might but I like food"
You need to work on the mental rather than the physical. If you know you’re enough no matter what the scale says then you’ll always be ok |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x
I think people have made the link between you saying you’d gained weight and are now feeling less confident. It seemed like you were saying that was why.
I don’t like what my body looks like. At all. I’m not confident. But I’ve found the ‘fake it till you make it approach’ works ok. My body is my body, it’ll look the same whether I’m miserable about it or not. And being self conscious isn’t sexy. So I go with the flow I trust that if someone says they like it, then they like it.
Good advice. In part I think that the weight gain is part of the feeling less confident but that is based around me not feeling others will like it rather than me having a thing for perfect 10.
And you are right being miserable about it doesn’t change it, hard work might but I like food
You need to work on the mental rather than the physical. If you know you’re enough no matter what the scale says then you’ll always be ok"
Fully agree, but how do you work on the mental? That was the essence of the original post. The physical has affected the mental. Bit of a chicken and egg thing. Mmmmm chicken….egg
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x
I think people have made the link between you saying you’d gained weight and are now feeling less confident. It seemed like you were saying that was why.
I don’t like what my body looks like. At all. I’m not confident. But I’ve found the ‘fake it till you make it approach’ works ok. My body is my body, it’ll look the same whether I’m miserable about it or not. And being self conscious isn’t sexy. So I go with the flow I trust that if someone says they like it, then they like it.
Good advice. In part I think that the weight gain is part of the feeling less confident but that is based around me not feeling others will like it rather than me having a thing for perfect 10.
And you are right being miserable about it doesn’t change it, hard work might but I like food
You need to work on the mental rather than the physical. If you know you’re enough no matter what the scale says then you’ll always be ok
Fully agree, but how do you work on the mental? That was the essence of the original post. The physical has affected the mental. Bit of a chicken and egg thing. Mmmmm chicken….egg
"
Well like I said, I have to force myself into just getting on with it. That’s what works for me. You’ve got to try find what works for your brain. Do compliments from your partner not help? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x
I think people have made the link between you saying you’d gained weight and are now feeling less confident. It seemed like you were saying that was why.
I don’t like what my body looks like. At all. I’m not confident. But I’ve found the ‘fake it till you make it approach’ works ok. My body is my body, it’ll look the same whether I’m miserable about it or not. And being self conscious isn’t sexy. So I go with the flow I trust that if someone says they like it, then they like it.
Good advice. In part I think that the weight gain is part of the feeling less confident but that is based around me not feeling others will like it rather than me having a thing for perfect 10.
And you are right being miserable about it doesn’t change it, hard work might but I like food
You need to work on the mental rather than the physical. If you know you’re enough no matter what the scale says then you’ll always be ok
Fully agree, but how do you work on the mental? That was the essence of the original post. The physical has affected the mental. Bit of a chicken and egg thing. Mmmmm chicken….egg
Well like I said, I have to force myself into just getting on with it. That’s what works for me. You’ve got to try find what works for your brain. Do compliments from your partner not help? "
Isn't self confidence about how YOU feel about yourself? YOUR opinion? As others can easily make or break it. You can get all the compliments in the world then have someone close say nasty things like you look better looking if you were a stone lighter to shatter your confidence. OP needs to build her own confidence. Tell herself every day in the mirror her true value, just focus on what she loves about herself. I struggle strongly with this, especially not being European (no big hips, bum or boobs or being tall) I can't have the conventional beauty norm that most men want ruin my self esteem. I just worked hard on how I want to be as a person and my looks come secondary. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My weight has fluctuated by 4 stone since I’ve been on the scene and not once have I been to a club and been unable to pull. Sexy men have found me attractive at every weight. Your body isn’t generally the only thing that makes you sexy or not.
I think it’s an old fashioned and slightly (if you don’t mind me saying) offensive attitude that smaller = better. If you persist with that attitude you’ll likely always struggle to feel good as you get older because inevitably your body will change and it’ll be harder to shift.
Work on loving yourself as you are. Others don’t notice the extra lbs. Promise.
I think that is my original point. How do you work on loving yourself as you are.? I don’t believe smaller is better. I believe I don’t look as attractive as previously and as such this is affecting my confidence.
Having read the responses it appears that my request for suggestions has fallen on deaf ears. As I opened with, this is not about how I look but rather how I feel about how I look and it seems that many cannot overlook the physical side.
Enjoy swinging everyone. Love to all.x
I think people have made the link between you saying you’d gained weight and are now feeling less confident. It seemed like you were saying that was why.
I don’t like what my body looks like. At all. I’m not confident. But I’ve found the ‘fake it till you make it approach’ works ok. My body is my body, it’ll look the same whether I’m miserable about it or not. And being self conscious isn’t sexy. So I go with the flow I trust that if someone says they like it, then they like it.
Good advice. In part I think that the weight gain is part of the feeling less confident but that is based around me not feeling others will like it rather than me having a thing for perfect 10.
And you are right being miserable about it doesn’t change it, hard work might but I like food
You need to work on the mental rather than the physical. If you know you’re enough no matter what the scale says then you’ll always be ok
Fully agree, but how do you work on the mental? That was the essence of the original post. The physical has affected the mental. Bit of a chicken and egg thing. Mmmmm chicken….egg
Well like I said, I have to force myself into just getting on with it. That’s what works for me. You’ve got to try find what works for your brain. Do compliments from your partner not help?
Isn't self confidence about how YOU feel about yourself? YOUR opinion? As others can easily make or break it. You can get all the compliments in the world then have someone close say nasty things like you look better looking if you were a stone lighter to shatter your confidence. OP needs to build her own confidence. Tell herself every day in the mirror her true value, just focus on what she loves about herself. I struggle strongly with this, especially not being European (no big hips, bum or boobs or being tall) I can't have the conventional beauty norm that most men want ruin my self esteem. I just worked hard on how I want to be as a person and my looks come secondary."
OP is male
And I think the things that boost self confidence differ person to person. Sometimes reassurance helps. Feeling unattractive is really hard, sometimes understanding that you’re not can help you put yourself to do the other mental work that it takes to be truly comfortable |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I can't be 100% certain that your sense of crisis is purely about gaining a stone in weight or is about a mesh of related things with a "and to top it all I've put on a stone in weight" as a finale.
I will say this though, *some* men, and not a minority, get to their late 40s and find that they suddenly start to put on weight.
I was a skinny, wiry fellow my whole life and could eat what I wanted non-stop. I'd never put on excess weight. But I hit my late 40s and suddenly there it was.
Ingrained eating habits are hard to change, and my weight can go up, but it's within my power to make it go down again.
It's not that much of a crisis. You don't need to throw money at solutions, you just need to eat a bit less, and skew towards healthier ingredients, and make sure you get a bit of exercise. You'll drop it again in no time.
I made a decision a few years ago that I would get heavier in autumn/winter and lighter in spring/summer.
This year, I haven't managed to get properly back in shape but that's okay because I'm still me, I'm just a bit more.
Anyone who doesn't like it can jog on.
Be comfortable with yourself during the approaching transition into your 50s. Bodies change, and whilst there are plenty of athletic specimens out there to declare it ain't so, the majority of men do experience a variety of changes around the late 40s/early 50s. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?"
Just regular exercise. If you find yourself suddenly putting on a lot of weight though then it's either diet or illness. I assume you've indulged a bit and eaten on the go more lately. Cut back, step back, and then get ready for the motherfucking comeback
That's how winning is done |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Think you are really brave to post this. Feeling bad about yourself is a terrible thing. I have lost a few stone recently and i didnt like the new me very much. Hubbby tells me all the time that i look great but it can fall on deaf ears. I cant tell you how to feel, only you can do that but, i can say, hear the compliments. Stand in front of the mirror and actually look at yourself and all the parts of you that you do like. Give yourself a break now and again and try to take time just to be the you that you like to be. Balance is so difficult to find but if i can do it then i am sure you can too. Hugs and i wish you all the very best. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I (beau) am having a crisis of confidence. Not posting this for a boost or sympathy as the pics posted are not today. In the last 3 months life has become ridiculously busy so we have been swinging but in addition haven’t been living right too. Weighed myself today to find I have put a stone on.
Now I fully understand there is a lot more to swinging but it has really hit me.
What does everyone else do to keep a balance in there self view?"
I can relate a lot to this myself. Earlier this year I booked the services of a personal trainer and signed up for a gym membership again. I'm not doing it for weight loss as such, I just want to be fitter and stronger. However weight loss has been a welcome bonus (a stone in just over 2 months). What I've found is that I actually love going to the gym, I'm meeting different people and I feel much better about myself, too. It's a little bit of time for just 'me'and I'm investing in my physical and mental health - which has become even more important as life is chaotic and challenging just now. So my advice would be to make time for you to do something that sparks a bit of passion in your soul. You won't feel like this forever, it will pass, just always be kind to yourself
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thank you to all.
It’s nice to know I am not alone in feeling this way (although not wishing anyone else Ill will)
Some very sensible and useful advice and things to take away"
A lot of people forget that aside from the naughty hobby, we are still real people with real lives. There are 100 things that can affect your mental health from sick relatives, work pressure, a blown tyre on your car or simply having a mare of a day. People can be incredibly resilient, then fragile, a few seconds apart. It's not just you and it's not something silly, it's all of us and we understand. If it were up to me I would have a dedicated "cuddle" room in a club where you can just hug someone, and know that everything is going to be OK. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
If it were up to me I would have a dedicated "cuddle" room in a club where you can just hug someone, and know that everything is going to be OK.
Funny you should say that…..having both thought at our age, (60 ish!) we wouldn’t meet anyone similar, my fwb and I got together through our mutual love of hugs….. ??
Silent therapy. xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Having suffered all my life with carrying extra !! Even though I’m ex regular and still reserve soldier I can’t shift it even though I eat right and exercise!! So came to the conclusion that I am the way I am because I’m just me !! Perfect in my own mind but far from in reality lol
A stone isn’t a lot but as you said is due to life having a bit of a different turn ? Sometimes this can lead to eating or drinking slightly different to how you did when younger and getting away with it ?
Like most have told you especially guys that know you ! You are a special person who has a great personality!! Relax and I’m sure weight will come of and I’m sure there a friends who will be more than happy to help you with extra exercise? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Your photos look great, we are always our own worst critics, sometimes I do wish I could see myself through the eyes of others.
I don't have any answers for you OP other than you look amazing from what I can see, I'm 2 stone heavier and struggle to feel sexy these days but I'm learning to accept it, I mean my tits are bigger so there's that. 
Mrs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
