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Need some helpful advise
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I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.
That and I am just sick pervert and so on.
Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.
Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.
However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.
We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.
We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum
So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them? |
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I had many reservations. We talked them through together. I suggest you two take time to really talk, ask her what her fears are, really listen and then answer her truthfully. Keep talking and listening.
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I have to ask you this, not in a judgemental way but don't you think that some of her fears are actually based in fact given that you're here alone? Women have an uncanny knack of identifying something isn't quite right even if they can't articulate what it is. |
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A valid point.
I came here in the hope of scratching an itch along time ago when believed that was never likely to happen.
Ended up staying as addicted to the stories and living out my fantasies vicariously. |
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"A valid point.
I came here in the hope of scratching an itch along time ago when believed that was never likely to happen.
Ended up staying as addicted to the stories and living out my fantasies vicariously."
All I can say is communicate. |
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"I have to ask you this, not in a judgemental way but don't you think that some of her fears are actually based in fact given that you're here alone? Women have an uncanny knack of identifying something isn't quite right even if they can't articulate what it is."
Exactly this you've got veris from meets so kind of proving her point |
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Thank you we are which is why we are at the point we are now. I just don't want to go to fast or far and ruin it all.
After admitting feelings I felt like wieght was lifted off me.
I love my wife and think she is wonderful. Really just want the best of experiences for her. Definitely want it to be about her. |
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"Thank you we are which is why we are at the point we are now. I just don't want to go to fast or far and ruin it all.
After admitting feelings I felt like wieght was lifted off me.
I love my wife and think she is wonderful. Really just want the best of experiences for her. Definitely want it to be about her. "
Well good luck to you both.  |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
Obviously you need to discuss this with her, but have you considered attending a club together?
You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but maybe just attending a club and seeing a few naughty things plus maybe just playing with each other would be a good compromise? |
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To be blunt about it I’d say given the fact you’ve been betraying her on here for over a year means your dream fantasy was dead in the water long ago. Maybe rather than continuing to prioritise your sexual desires over her (and push them onto her) you should pursue them as a single man.
 |
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"Have thought about it. But don't you have to be a member etc.
Think might be a sensory overload.for first experience but will see how suggestion goes down "
Some clubs don't need membership, like the Attic |
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"To be blunt about it I’d say given the fact you’ve been betraying her on here for over a year means your dream fantasy was dead in the water long ago. Maybe rather than continuing to prioritise your sexual desires over her (and push them onto her) you should pursue them as a single man.
"
This. Swinging is based on trust, and without it things will all end in tears. |
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By *rpeggioCouple
over a year ago
Baughurst |
"Obviously you need to discuss this with her, but have you considered attending a club together?
You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but maybe just attending a club and seeing a few naughty things plus maybe just playing with each other would be a good compromise?"
 |
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"Obviously you need to discuss this with her, but have you considered attending a club together?
You don’t have to do anything that you aren’t comfortable with, but maybe just attending a club and seeing a few naughty things plus maybe just playing with each other would be a good compromise?"
Good advice |
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My initial thought on this was to suggest a club and go there with solid ground rules. ie play together only but whilst there have a look around and a chat with others if you can bring yourselves to do it.
Second thought is to listen to podcasts - preferably together. Sexless swingers and Bedhoppers are great at dissecting how to approach the whole scene.
As others have said- you need to communicate. Hiding away on here and wishing it might happen is not going to end well. Good Luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201007/why-would-any-man-want-watch-his-wife-another-man
That maybe help give her some more ‘expert’ info behind it. You could then perhaps discuss which is your motivation behind it. |
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"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.
That and I am just sick pervert and so on.
Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.
Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.
However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.
We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.
We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum
So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?"
You're on here to meet people without her knowledge or consent, based on your profile wording.
You want her to do something YOU fantasise about, which she has been clear she doesn't feel comfortable with. You later say you want it to be about her. How exactly do you think that works?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As far as dealing with your wife is concerned, I think we can get lost during sex, and what feels like a hot idea at the time, feels very different in the cold light of day!
I think you may need to let her raise the subject, as frustrating as that is for you! You risk turning her off, and also your marriage by pushing her. |
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She may ultimately have very different needs and fantasies to you OP but I see an insistence towards only 1 goal, which is yours.
It may be that you aren't especially compatible, should you have inflexibility on how your life must progress, where you don't have mutual consent for this. I'm uncertain that your relationship is your priority.
If it is, you probably need to put your actions into alignment with your values, as I'm missing that they are today.
Get that straight and you could both then plan and enjoy the rest of your lives |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.
That and I am just sick pervert and so on.
Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.
Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.
However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.
We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.
We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum
So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?"
Next time you're balls deep in her, tell her all about the men you fucked. And how you discussed her private feelings on a sex site. She'll be hurling herself at cock before you can suck it.  |
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"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.
That and I am just sick pervert and so on.
Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.
Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.
However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.
We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.
We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum
So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?
Next time you're balls deep in her, tell her all about the men you fucked. And how you discussed her private feelings on a sex site. She'll be hurling herself at cock before you can suck it. "
I've just grown a six pack  |
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"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.
That and I am just sick pervert and so on.
Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.
Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.
However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.
We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.
We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum
So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?
Next time you're balls deep in her, tell her all about the men you fucked. And how you discussed her private feelings on a sex site. She'll be hurling herself at cock before you can suck it. "
 the best advice for sure!! |
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"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.
That and I am just sick pervert and so on.
Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.
Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.
However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.
We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.
We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum
So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?"
we are amazed at how many single profile post begin with 'my wife.....' its no wonder why we dont really accommodate the thought of a single, we dont want the mess and hassle that COULD happen if.when people get caught out |
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"I like most on here have fantasised about my wife being shared for years. About 2 years ago I eventually told her about it as just couldn't get it out of my mind. It didn't go well she was discussed and didn't know why I would want it. All the usual thoughts followed like I didn't love her anymore or was just trying to get her to do it so I could then have another woman etc.
That and I am just sick pervert and so on.
Still to this day I think she thinks there is an alternative motivation behind it and she has always said its not something she wants.
Over time we have adapted a little role play and I play whilst she says things about another man etc. But still doesn't want to do it or understand why I would want to.
However the other night she suggested that wanking someone off wouldn't be the same as having sex and should be ok.
We were playing at the time so not sure how serious she was or not.
We have had some mind blow blindfold role play after that. And just playing would be awesome for me. All the naughty without the actual emotional headache. And I am sure most men would except boundaries if they got to cum
So my question is how do I gently encourage this without being pushy. The last thing I want to do is put her off the idea altogether. If it stays roleplay I am fine with this too. But would really like a womans imput here please.did other initially have reservations and how did you over come them?
we are amazed at how many single profile post begin with 'my wife.....' its no wonder why we dont really accommodate the thought of a single, we dont want the mess and hassle that COULD happen if.when people get caught out"
The morality of married men is off subject.
Ss others have said communication. You cannot push, in the end it will have to be her choice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As someone who doesn’t play with men, my choice completely, my advice is don’t! Don’t try to encourage her, don’t mention it. If she’s happy to have role play and speak about it like that, leave it as that.
I have my reasons for not playing with men, and I don’t need to justify them to my husband.
If she doesn’t know you’re on here, id recommend a really open, honest conversation.
Mrs |
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By *ickD80Man
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
So she’s said she doesn’t want to have sex with other men, and from what you’ve said about her reaction when you first mentioned it to her she’s really, really against it and the idea of it makes her think that you don’t really love her and that you’re a pervert….but she role plays with you about it and pretends that she’s had sex with other men and I’m guessing she describes the things she does with these imaginary other men? So she talks to you in a sexual situation about something that she is strongly against and the thought of it makes her think that her husband’s a pervert who doesn’t love her….she role plays a situation with you that gives her really negative thoughts about you….
I don’t know if I’ve been doing it wrong then because I’ve always used role play as a fun way to experience something that turns me on and I would love to do for real but I’m either a bit scared to do or it’s not really possible to do….I’ve never role played a scenario that I’d absolutely hate to do and thinking about it fills my head with negative thoughts about my partner. I’ve also never asked someone to role play a scenario with me that I know the other person is very much against doing for real.
I know there’s a difference between role play and doing it for real but to enjoy role play you’ve got to be turned on by the scenario and have some desires to do it for real. |
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You're pushing her to do something that she doesn't want to do. It's your agenda, not hers. You've got to the role play stage, so stick with that and enjoy.
Swinging is about mutual fun not coercive behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From my own personal perspective, being part of this lifestyle means we have a deep level of trust and open communication that neither of us have previously experienced with anyone else. One of our rules is that a no from either of us is a no for both of us. We spend a lot of time talking openly and asking each other how we feel about certain fantasies and scenarios, and we don't kink shame each other. Unless you and your wife are on the same page, it's not going to work for you. You're already going behind her back from looking at your profile and that's not a good sign. I'd be hurt if Mr was going behind my back as there is zero reason for him to do that - the experience of being with another woman can be shared for both of us, it turns me on the thought of him being with someone else then coming home to me, or me being there watching. As others have said, open communication is key here but you've already broken her trust which is an issue, especially if she finds out about you being on here
Mrs |
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