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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"is there a way of overcoming nerves at a club "
If there's a spa/sauna/steamroom use it and join the conversation. If there's a kitchen/coffee room use it and join the conversation. If there's a dark room use it but there won't be much conversation...  |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"is there a way of overcoming nerves at a club
If there's a spa/sauna/steamroom use it and join the conversation. If there's a kitchen/coffee room use it and join the conversation. If there's a dark room use it but there won't be much conversation... "
lol ok and lol about the dark room |
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"is there a way of overcoming nerves at a club
If there's a spa/sauna/steamroom use it and join the conversation. If there's a kitchen/coffee room use it and join the conversation. If there's a dark room use it but there won't be much conversation... "
I've just got an image of someone prattling away in a dark room!  |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"is there a way of overcoming nerves at a club
If there's a spa/sauna/steamroom use it and join the conversation. If there's a kitchen/coffee room use it and join the conversation. If there's a dark room use it but there won't be much conversation...
I've just got an image of someone prattling away in a dark room! "
lol ?? |
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What exactly are you nervous about? Most of your verifications are from club visits, so you're clearly confident about attending. So is it, talking to people? Getting naked? Joining in? Performance? Understanding etiquette? A collection of different things?
Until you know what makes you nervous, you can't really tackle it...
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
I feel that if you go with the intention that you will have a good time socially and zero expectations of more, you won’t usually be disappointed. You will also be pleasantly surprised sometimes  |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"What exactly are you nervous about? Most of your verifications are from club visits, so you're clearly confident about attending. So is it, talking to people? Getting naked? Joining in? Performance? Understanding etiquette? A collection of different things?
Until you know what makes you nervous, you can't really tackle it...
"
i don’t really know i think it’s just i clam up when i go there as don’t talk to anyone hardly x |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"I feel that if you go with the intention that you will have a good time socially and zero expectations of more, you won’t usually be disappointed. You will also be pleasantly surprised sometimes "
i always go with zero expectations |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"What exactly are you nervous about? Most of your verifications are from club visits, so you're clearly confident about attending. So is it, talking to people? Getting naked? Joining in? Performance? Understanding etiquette? A collection of different things?
Until you know what makes you nervous, you can't really tackle it...
"
feel like i’m not good enough due to my disibilty |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"is there a way of overcoming nerves at a club
Go more often. The more you go the less nervous you should be. "
think i’ve put it down to thinking i’m not good enough due to a disibility even the friends i’ve mace who attended last friday basically told me to shut up and talk lol ?? |
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"What exactly are you nervous about? Most of your verifications are from club visits, so you're clearly confident about attending. So is it, talking to people? Getting naked? Joining in? Performance? Understanding etiquette? A collection of different things?
Until you know what makes you nervous, you can't really tackle it...
feel like i’m not good enough due to my disibilty "
This seems like the old cliche of you letting something own you, rather than you own it.
Don't have an apologetic demeanor as a result of being disabled. It's not your fault, and people will realise that. Make light of it. There is a natural joke there! After all, the word 'limp' does have two meanings. Bring the subject of your limp/disability up early in the conversation. People will likely ask questions. Then switch the subject of conversation to them. Most people like to talk about themselves...
Good luck  |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"What exactly are you nervous about? Most of your verifications are from club visits, so you're clearly confident about attending. So is it, talking to people? Getting naked? Joining in? Performance? Understanding etiquette? A collection of different things?
Until you know what makes you nervous, you can't really tackle it...
feel like i’m not good enough due to my disibilty
This seems like the old cliche of you letting something own you, rather than you own it.
Don't have an apologetic demeanor as a result of being disabled. It's not your fault, and people will realise that. Make light of it. There is a natural joke there! After all, the word 'limp' does have two meanings. Bring the subject of your limp/disability up early in the conversation. People will likely ask questions. Then switch the subject of conversation to them. Most people like to talk about themselves...
Good luck "
ok i’ll give it a go |
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I've been going to clubs as a single and couple for a few years now. The nerves are always there. Especially as someone who is socially awkward around unfamiliar people/environments and struggles with social cues. So I get the nerves thing and I don't think it will ever fully go away. So just because your a club regular and successful doesn't mean you dont have nerves. And as a lone male in clubs it can be really tough. Although naturally I'm more comfortable in clubs I know well with people I know (maybe that's one coping strategies).
Oddly enough I don't have nerves when it come to the sex. This is a domain where I feel confident, assured and totally in control. However the irony is generally you have to crack the social side first. To be fair once I'm at ease with someone and broken the ice things flow nicely too. I think why people find me somewhat of a dark horse once they get into a room with me.
How I deal with it. First is acceptance it's just going to be there and acceptance of making social mistakes. You have to not let yours fears shut you out. Your fears won't necessarily go away so you bring them alone for the ride too. In my experience the more you take the plung engage the easier it becomes down the line (even if it doesn't always work out). I normally have a social plan before engaging with new people. Points of conversation, how will I approach, where will I position myself etc. I find a prior plan helps loads. Although unfortunately humans are unpredictable so be prepared for the plan not to go to plan (which I find difficult). Still I find better to have some sort of plan than no plan. Also if I feel a little overwhelmed or a social melt down coming on I just simply find a queit space to get a breath of fresh air and gather myself again before re-entering the social space.
Or to summarise my strategy is come to terms with the nerves, have a plan, get stuck in and with experience it gets easier. Sorry I haven't got the cure for nerves.
Mr |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"I've been going to clubs as a single and couple for a few years now. The nerves are always there. Especially as someone who is socially awkward around unfamiliar people/environments and struggles with social cues. So I get the nerves thing and I don't think it will ever fully go away. So just because your a club regular and successful doesn't mean you dont have nerves. And as a lone male in clubs it can be really tough. Although naturally I'm more comfortable in clubs I know well with people I know (maybe that's one coping strategies).
Oddly enough I don't have nerves when it come to the sex. This is a domain where I feel confident, assured and totally in control. However the irony is generally you have to crack the social side first. To be fair once I'm at ease with someone and broken the ice things flow nicely too. I think why people find me somewhat of a dark horse once they get into a room with me.
How I deal with it. First is acceptance it's just going to be there and acceptance of making social mistakes. You have to not let yours fears shut you out. Your fears won't necessarily go away so you bring them alone for the ride too. In my experience the more you take the plung engage the easier it becomes down the line (even if it doesn't always work out). I normally have a social plan before engaging with new people. Points of conversation, how will I approach, where will I position myself etc. I find a prior plan helps loads. Although unfortunately humans are unpredictable so be prepared for the plan not to go to plan (which I find difficult). Still I find better to have some sort of plan than no plan. Also if I feel a little overwhelmed or a social melt down coming on I just simply find a queit space to get a breath of fresh air and gather myself again before re-entering the social space.
Or to summarise my strategy is come to terms with the nerves, have a plan, get stuck in and with experience it gets easier. Sorry I haven't got the cure for nerves.
Mr"
think i’m gonna make jokes about my disibility did meet a lovely couple friday had a lovely chat with them was ok but in general i’m terrible when a mate was like smile ffs |
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"I've been going to clubs as a single and couple for a few years now. The nerves are always there. Especially as someone who is socially awkward around unfamiliar people/environments and struggles with social cues. So I get the nerves thing and I don't think it will ever fully go away. So just because your a club regular and successful doesn't mean you dont have nerves. And as a lone male in clubs it can be really tough. Although naturally I'm more comfortable in clubs I know well with people I know (maybe that's one coping strategies).
Oddly enough I don't have nerves when it come to the sex. This is a domain where I feel confident, assured and totally in control. However the irony is generally you have to crack the social side first. To be fair once I'm at ease with someone and broken the ice things flow nicely too. I think why people find me somewhat of a dark horse once they get into a room with me.
How I deal with it. First is acceptance it's just going to be there and acceptance of making social mistakes. You have to not let yours fears shut you out. Your fears won't necessarily go away so you bring them alone for the ride too. In my experience the more you take the plung engage the easier it becomes down the line (even if it doesn't always work out). I normally have a social plan before engaging with new people. Points of conversation, how will I approach, where will I position myself etc. I find a prior plan helps loads. Although unfortunately humans are unpredictable so be prepared for the plan not to go to plan (which I find difficult). Still I find better to have some sort of plan than no plan. Also if I feel a little overwhelmed or a social melt down coming on I just simply find a queit space to get a breath of fresh air and gather myself again before re-entering the social space.
Or to summarise my strategy is come to terms with the nerves, have a plan, get stuck in and with experience it gets easier. Sorry I haven't got the cure for nerves.
Mr
think i’m gonna make jokes about my disibility did meet a lovely couple friday had a lovely chat with them was ok but in general i’m terrible when a mate was like smile ffs "
Smiles are important. However judging by the verifications there's a running theme of what a decent and respectful guy you are. And that is a very good quality to have. Obviously verifications are generally complimentary but when you see a recurring theme you can see that's a top quality that's shining through. Just keep at it, your doing fine. I'm sure as time goes on you'll relax into it more. Like I say to some extent you just have to bring your nerves along for the ride.
Jokes about your disability would always go down well with us. We both have a very dark sense of humour. It's the only way we have delt with a lot of the darkness and tough times in our lives. Its often a good way to tackle an elephant in the room. We can be quite self deprecating in our humour and appreciate it in others. However judge your audience. Not everyone appreciates dark humour or appreciates the nuances in which it is said. We have in past been too much for some. |
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By *agicmarc OP Man
over a year ago
tonyrefail |
"I've been going to clubs as a single and couple for a few years now. The nerves are always there. Especially as someone who is socially awkward around unfamiliar people/environments and struggles with social cues. So I get the nerves thing and I don't think it will ever fully go away. So just because your a club regular and successful doesn't mean you dont have nerves. And as a lone male in clubs it can be really tough. Although naturally I'm more comfortable in clubs I know well with people I know (maybe that's one coping strategies).
Oddly enough I don't have nerves when it come to the sex. This is a domain where I feel confident, assured and totally in control. However the irony is generally you have to crack the social side first. To be fair once I'm at ease with someone and broken the ice things flow nicely too. I think why people find me somewhat of a dark horse once they get into a room with me.
How I deal with it. First is acceptance it's just going to be there and acceptance of making social mistakes. You have to not let yours fears shut you out. Your fears won't necessarily go away so you bring them alone for the ride too. In my experience the more you take the plung engage the easier it becomes down the line (even if it doesn't always work out). I normally have a social plan before engaging with new people. Points of conversation, how will I approach, where will I position myself etc. I find a prior plan helps loads. Although unfortunately humans are unpredictable so be prepared for the plan not to go to plan (which I find difficult). Still I find better to have some sort of plan than no plan. Also if I feel a little overwhelmed or a social melt down coming on I just simply find a queit space to get a breath of fresh air and gather myself again before re-entering the social space.
Or to summarise my strategy is come to terms with the nerves, have a plan, get stuck in and with experience it gets easier. Sorry I haven't got the cure for nerves.
Mr
think i’m gonna make jokes about my disibility did meet a lovely couple friday had a lovely chat with them was ok but in general i’m terrible when a mate was like smile ffs
Smiles are important. However judging by the verifications there's a running theme of what a decent and respectful guy you are. And that is a very good quality to have. Obviously verifications are generally complimentary but when you see a recurring theme you can see that's a top quality that's shining through. Just keep at it, your doing fine. I'm sure as time goes on you'll relax into it more. Like I say to some extent you just have to bring your nerves along for the ride.
Jokes about your disability would always go down well with us. We both have a very dark sense of humour. It's the only way we have delt with a lot of the darkness and tough times in our lives. Its often a good way to tackle an elephant in the room. We can be quite self deprecating in our humour and appreciate it in others. However judge your audience. Not everyone appreciates dark humour or appreciates the nuances in which it is said. We have in past been too much for some."
thanks all i’m gonna try and open up more friday st my next club visit |
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