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Threesome fears
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By *NV14INV OP Couple
over a year ago
Inverness |
We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s.
What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Is this a reaction that’s common?
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
Any advice of experience welcome.
Thanks. |
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We have often discussed this, we both want to try another M joining us but are still yet to. We think the best way and what we agreed is that if either of us are uncomfortable at any point then we or one or the other just stay stop. Respect each other.
Single profile I know (never changed since getting into a relationship) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We had discussed this prior to our first occasion and we also told the guy we chose that it was our first and we may have to stop.
He was fine with that but frankly it wouldn’t have mattered if he wasn’t.
It was going to be our decision based upon our feelings.
It all worked out beautifully because we’d chosen the right guy and we all had a blast. |
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When you try something new as a couple you never really know if it will work as planned till you try.
I think it's a lot about finding the right guy. For us we find finding the right guy for MFM harder than finding couples or single ladies. A lot of it is about the vibe you get from a guy and getting a sense for the kind of gentleman he is. Things work better with someone you feel confident in being completely frank and honest with and likewise back with you.
With regards what happens if it don't workout I think finding someone who is just chilled, fun and open with you is a great start. Someone your confident just simply enjoys your company and seeing where it goes naturally without expectation or obligation.
Also if you get the above right the chances are it will actually turn out to be the hot threesome your looking for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I normally get invited to take photos and end up in a 3 some. I go with no expectations and I’m always happy to leave if they want. But I’m pretty easy going and go with the flow and have the utmost respect for others. |
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s.
What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Is this a reaction that’s common?
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
Any advice of experience welcome.
Thanks. "
Talk to the person you are going to meet about your worries. Explain that if any one if you including them, decides that they don't want things to continue it stops. If they aren't happy with that they needn't meet you.
How someone will react in that situation isn't predictable really, the most reasonable of people can become a little miffed if asked to stop mid flow but I think most will understand even if reluctantly. How do you think you'll react if they ask to stop? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have MMF's frequently and the first time we did it we discussed at length the boundaries.
It will help you communicate better. We can tell if each other is comfortable using body language. We often just use a look to ask if the other one is ok and get an instant response.
At any point, either of you should be allowed to say 'I'm uncomfortable' or 'can we take a break'
I'd say just go for it, we love a threesome! |
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"We had discussed this prior to our first occasion and we also told the guy we chose that it was our first and we may have to stop.
He was fine with that but frankly it wouldn’t have mattered if he wasn’t.
It was going to be our decision based upon our feelings.
It all worked out beautifully because we’d chosen the right guy and we all had a blast. "
Yep. This pretty much sums up our first MFM (and some others since). A few things to remember or consider are;
* You will have communicated with the guy beforehand, and got a vibe from him. If that vibe isn't right, XX don't progress.
* It is far more rare to find an inconsiderate guy, than one who will respect you both. Most guys are considerate, so once the chemistry between you all is correct, there's very little chance he won't respect you if you change your mind.
* Finally, remember it's a nerve wracking event for single guys too. If you feel you need to stop, just say so, but be decent about it. Explain it's not him, but you're simply not as ready as you thought. |
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Does not matter who is meeting who ,couples ,singles etc everyone has the right to say stop at any point and should always be respected.
If any of the people involved are either new to it/nervous/unsure its always best to arrange a social meet first for a coffee and chat at a neutral place,And its clear to everyone involved that it might not lead to play afterwards.
It is best to avoid alcohol at a first meet as you might regret how far things progressed when you sober up. |
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By *s2walesCouple
over a year ago
Gwent... |
Just consider that this can be a big step. If something doesn't feel right honesty with anyone is so important. Get to meet socially first will help and explain to the third how you are feeling. If things work out you will have a great experience. Hope all works out well  |
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Just need to make it clear beforehand what the boundaries are and that if any of you don’t feel comfortable with what’s happening to stop. If it’s not right at the time then it could ruin that and any potential future meets. Find the right guy that understands that and you will be fine, all just need to be on the same page! |
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"The issue is, choosing a third who understands this and knows he’s not promised anything. "
I think the real issue is in all three understanding that they have an equal say in whether things go ahead or not and nobody is promised anything. In my opinion it isn't about a man fitting with what a couple wants that's an unequal set up, it's about respect for all involved.
So many couples assume that it's up to them how far a meet progresses and their boundaries are the most important. The responsibility for protecting their relationship is theirs alone after that they need to respect the third partner as much as the reverse applies.
I read a lot about single men feeling entitled as if it's a bad thing. When it comes to how they're viewed in this type of situation I think they should feel just as entitled to consideration as the couple. |
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By *d_PrestonMan
over a year ago
Preston, Leyland, Chorley & Blackpool areas |
"I think - having been the extra male a few times - it’s normally about good communication beforehand and a definite spark !"
And...
"The issue is, choosing a third who understands this and knows he’s not promised anything. "
Hear hear to both of you. As another bloke who's been the third member of the threesome on numerous occasions it's definitely about communication ahead of getting naked together.
Getting a feel for each other as others have said too, so having an inkling if anyone's not happy. I think most people are nervous before a meet, the guy and the couple, even more so if it's anyone's first time.
Find a good guy, who gives you a good impression well before you meet, respect each other and have lots of fun xx |
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OP I think your fears are common amongst first timers and not unreasonable. The most important thing in any relationship (3some or otherwise) is that if one side is not happy then just stop. That’s fine. I would imagine that if your first time is with an experienced then they would be more than happy with that because they know what you are going through.
Just talk about it up front before you meet and if everyone is happy then just go with the flow. |
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"The issue is, choosing a third who understands this and knows he’s not promised anything.
I think the real issue is in all three understanding that they have an equal say in whether things go ahead or not and nobody is promised anything. In my opinion it isn't about a man fitting with what a couple wants that's an unequal set up, it's about respect for all involved.
So many couples assume that it's up to them how far a meet progresses and their boundaries are the most important. The responsibility for protecting their relationship is theirs alone after that they need to respect the third partner as much as the reverse applies.
I read a lot about single men feeling entitled as if it's a bad thing. When it comes to how they're viewed in this type of situation I think they should feel just as entitled to consideration as the couple. "
I had so much respect and love for this post - thank you! |
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By *ornagainchristianMan
over a year ago
Preston, Glasgow, Cheltenham, Leeds, Birmingham and Leicester (but travel all over the UK |
If you aren’t sure, try building up to it gradually and see how that feels. If you keep up communication and set boundaries, you’ll know if it isn’t going to work without feeling like you’ve crossed a line |
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"We do the above and have a discreet safe word or phrase. If either of use it which we haven't yet we would simply calm thi gs down and just tell the third party it won't happen. "
We agree after a particularly awkward experience to just say
"I'd like a time out".
It hasn't happened since but it does make it clear to all that things need to stop. Whether they continue depends on the reason for the time out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess everyone has that fear the first time but just make sure you stop anything you’re uncomfortable with. You’ll find the vast majority of people on here will respect any boundaries and will be prepared to put a sudden halt on things when it’s your first time |
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s.
What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Is this a reaction that’s common?
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
Any advice of experience welcome.
Thanks. "
Hiya OP, it's complety natural to feel this way, as others have said, communication is key, they way we worked it the last couple of times (had never done anything f like this before) we promised each other that if one wasn't happy then we just say stop, and the 3rd party is kindly asked to leave, our relationship is more important than anything, we discussed this with the men and they were all fine with that, but to be honest it doesn't help when uou ahe a guy who is very underconfident so for this reason we haven't found the right guy for us so I imagine that's big factor to. Talk about what you both want out of this and tell the truth to not just yourself but to each other, discuss what your boundaries/dos and don't first amd make these clear to your chosen 3rd party.good luck and we hope you find the right person for you. |
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We are in a similar position- we have role played it many times and probably would have done mfm by now but for things (life!) Getting on the way! Our view is we think we will love it but we will go for it and then talk about it afterwards. In the event one of us didn't like it then when we would just not do it again. So no big issues either way x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think - having been the extra male a few times - it’s normally about good communication beforehand and a definite spark !"
Absolutely this. Communication & being able to intuite wisely are key |
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By *d_PrestonMan
over a year ago
Preston, Leyland, Chorley & Blackpool areas |
"We are in a similar position- we have role played it many times and probably would have done mfm by now but for things (life!) Getting on the way! Our view is we think we will love it but we will go for it and then talk about it afterwards. In the event one of us didn't like it then when we would just not do it again. So no big issues either way x"
Isn't it frustrating when life stops us all having fun! Grrr. As you say, either don't do it again, or of anyone's that uncomfortable just stop.
If you've found a respectful playmate, which hopefully the vast majority are, they'll understand.
Happy swinging xxx |
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We recently invited a random chap sat in the cinema room to join us in a private room. It wasn't exactly random as we eyed him up in advance, talked amongst ourselves first, decided what we would do and how far we would go and only after we were in full agreement we asked him. We were not disappointed, 6ft 7in, built like a mountain and big dick like a fucking baseball bat. It's possible if we got the fear halfway through we could have backed out, but it was lush. Next 3some needs to be someone average sized so we can have a bit of DP. |
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Communication and bluntness is the key that we found. Our rule is to say EXACTLY what we're thinking and feeling about any situation were in as swingers. We never want one half to say what they think the other wants to hear or to take one for the team. That way, you can take whatever they say or feel at face value and act on it.
We've also agreed that there's never a point of no return for backing out of a situation. Even if it loses us potential friends. Even if it's half way through one of our deepest fantasies. If one of us isn't happy then we say so, take a breather and go from there
No judgement or anger |
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"Communication and bluntness is the key that we found. Our rule is to say EXACTLY what we're thinking and feeling about any situation were in as swingers. We never want one half to say what they think the other wants to hear or to take one for the team. That way, you can take whatever they say or feel at face value and act on it.
We've also agreed that there's never a point of no return for backing out of a situation. Even if it loses us potential friends. Even if it's half way through one of our deepest fantasies. If one of us isn't happy then we say so, take a breather and go from there
No judgement or anger "
Spot on |
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No one should continue anything if they don’t feel comfortable that includes the single person you bring in.
Me and my husband know without saying anything if everything is ok we have little subtle gestures we use.
We always try and make the other person feel as comfortable as possible and let them know if theirs any kind of issues then to let us know . |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
This is one of the reasons I insist on a vanilla social first.
I get it's not for everyone but I want to know that there is a connection or a spark, but also with my background in the BDSM scene, I'd much rather have a relaxed non pressured conversation about boundaries, limits and expectations.
It's also a great time to agree a safeword (or words) for
- this is too much I need a min
- something is wrong and I need this to stop. Full stop. |
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s.
What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Is this a reaction that’s common?
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
Any advice of experience welcome.
Thanks. "
You discuss this possibility with the third party. If indicates that he'd have a problem with it, he's the wrong guy to try it with. If he completely understands, is happy that it might stop part way and result in having a cuppa / he has a tug while watching you finish, he's the guy to trying with! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try a social first. Get flirty test the water see how it makes you both feel. Any genuine third party will be aware of said occurrence and most should respond respectfully even if it is a little dissapointing for them. That’s the chance you take in these scenarios you should always have an open mind when agreeing to be the “third wheel” it’s good that you have concerns that can be addressed before as opposed to then in the moment x
Hope it works out for you as it’s the potential to add such fun and bring you closer if done for the right reasons x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s.
What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Is this a reaction that’s common?
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
Any advice of experience welcome.
Thanks. "
The moment either of you feel uncomfortable or went to stop, communicate it to your partner. If it's your partner that wants to stop then please, please, please stop immediately and let any other parties know.
Seen it on more than one occasion where the partner has not stopped, effectively dismissing their partners feelings just to get themselves off or misjudging how serious it is.
Everyone in the lifestyle that are here for the right reasons will stop and be understanding.
Likewise, even if they don't say it, read body language, no one knows your partner more than you. Check in with them, even if it's a look and a nod or a smile. |
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Any self-respecting third person will happily agree to this before any play begins. also it might be an idea to have a pre-arranged codeword to trigger stopping play with you partner as well - just in case.
I think you'll enjoy it, don't worry about it relax and have fun! |
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By *arkus1812Man
over a year ago
Lifes departure lounge NN9 Northamptonshire East not West MidlandsMidlands |
A number of years ago I entered into a threesome, the first two meets we worked on a soft swap basis to ensure that all three of us were happy, all was well and we went on to have a weekly meet for the following 3 years, we were all in our late 60s and retired so we had time on our hands to have such fun. |
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By *r_PinkMan
over a year ago
london stratford |
"We want to have a MMF threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s.
What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Is this a reaction that’s common?
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
Any advice of experience welcome.
Thanks. "
Honesty is the best policy.
When you you finally meet the 3rd party, tell him in advance that its your 1st time and explain your fears. If he is a decent person, he should and would understand if you get cold feet.
and good luck finding the right person for you guys |
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Totally … if you have the openness to invite someone for a mmf to your home then you need the confidence in your boundaries to say stop!
The person joining shoukd also be told it’s a first for you both so he can (if possible) be aware of any of you both seemingly looking uncomfortable
I’d advise. If there are even 2% of doubt then don’t do it |
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Have your boundaries set beforehand and discuss this with the person your meeting, if one says no you stop and that's that.
It's totally normal to be nervous and think of the what ifs just try relax and enjoy yourselves.
Mrs |
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"Have your boundaries set beforehand and discuss this with the person your meeting, if one says no you stop and that's that.
It's totally normal to be nervous and think of the what ifs just try relax and enjoy yourselves.
Mrs "
When someone says "set boundaries" for some reason I think the garden fence ... |
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Talk and communicate well. Choose someone to be your 3rd with good verifications from couples, as they’ll be used to following or taking the lead and keeping everyone happy. It’s supposed to be exciting and fun and quite naughty and should leave couples involved feeling exhilarated and horny.
Anything else and the brakes should rightly go on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure what to suggest. We only play with couples. Our first swap was fine as we both had things to do or get 'distracted' by while our respective partner was fucking another person. Maybe consider a club meet with a couple if you're not sure. |
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I have found this thread in the forums most informative a lot of good advice and will also take onboard if I ever get my fantasy of watching my wife with another man. We do roleplay about other men fucking her sometimes its a stranger sometimes its one of her ex boyfriends who have fucked her she even calls me by their names when I fuck her, I honestly think she would enjoy another man but she just says it's fantasy and will probably remain that way. |
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"Talk and communicate well. Choose someone to be your 3rd with good verifications from couples, as they’ll be used to following or taking the lead and keeping everyone happy. It’s supposed to be exciting and fun and quite naughty and should leave couples involved feeling exhilarated and horny.
Anything else and the brakes should rightly go on. "
As a single it's just getting that initial meet with a couple |
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"Talk and communicate well. Choose someone to be your 3rd with good verifications from couples, as they’ll be used to following or taking the lead and keeping everyone happy. It’s supposed to be exciting and fun and quite naughty and should leave couples involved feeling exhilarated and horny.
Anything else and the brakes should rightly go on.
As a single it's just getting that initial meet with a couple"
Try a club and chatting to couples, read couple profiles and address what they are looking for in any messages to them and remember it’s more about them and their fantasies than you and your fantasies at least to begin with. |
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"What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue. "
Then you stop.
It might be worth having little phrases/signals that you use as a couple. That way you can check-in and decide to call it quits.
However, over time, you'll probably get to the point where you want to be more open and upfront about it
"Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party? "
No idea. |
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"What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Then you stop.
It might be worth having little phrases/signals that you use as a couple. That way you can check-in and decide to call it quits.
However, over time, you'll probably get to the point where you want to be more open and upfront about it
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
No idea. "
The same rules for 2 singles apply as for a 3some, if anyone including the invitee decide to stop then that's all that needs to be said. Consent is sexy. |
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We have found it is way easier in a Club to invite someone to join you and have some fun. It is probably the environment and the lack of any pressure. However, when we have met in a hotel it gets quite intimate and feels more pressured. It is also more planned and we prefer the spontaneity of a Club. |
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"We have found it is way easier in a Club to invite someone to join you and have some fun. It is probably the environment and the lack of any pressure. However, when we have met in a hotel it gets quite intimate and feels more pressured. It is also more planned and we prefer the spontaneity of a Club. "
This x
Our last club visit, Mr getting a HJ in the cinema surrounded by men, we had chatted to most during the night and when we went to a room we had a quick nod and invited one of them to join. The atmosphere is electric, but if we were not in the mood we wouldn't have wasted anyone's time. Next time, hopefully a bi woman or couple. |
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By *ed wineMan
over a year ago
Where the streets have no name |
From my experience with couples, after a discussion about the type of man she wanted, the lady explored potential "candidates" in Fabs and contacted me. After some chat here and a social meet, we had sex (or not...).
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We always started off with , we will meet at their place, then POSSIBLY a nude massage for the wife and this would be not toucing pussy and as she goets massaged we speake in our mother tongue and Heln used to indicate if she want pussy managed and then fingers and almost always after that full sex, first the stranger then me
just agree to meet, chat no promises, simple as that really |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some couples you meet, its obvious that the husband if pressurising his wife into the meet. The true gent would stop the meet if he thought the wife was not really into it. I myself am ashamed to say, I always fucked the wife anyway, most ended up enjoying themselves (full orgasm) |
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Lots of good advice given already. The need for good communication and understanding of expectations ahead of time is so important, hence why a pre-meet social encounter can be so useful. Also, don't need to feel pressured into an all or nothing situation where things have to proceed to a full swap. Maybe the first timw you play with an additional M it would be easier if you plan for soft play only to check that everyone is comfortable with this? |
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Be very honest. If things are happening and you don't feel comfortable just say. We are all adults and we are allowed to say...sorry, not comfortable.
Its your relationship, you are inviting a stranger in. Have a social meet first, having a laugh and feeling comfortable is priority.
Never take one for the team.
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If you have any doubts, don't go there. You cant undo what happens. Too late for regrets afterwards.
If you are both sure its something you want to try but decide to stop then choose somebody understanding and patient to join you and be sure to explain it might not proceed "all the way" as it were.
Honest open communication is the only way forwards. |
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By *NV14INV OP Couple
over a year ago
Inverness |
CORRECTION TO MFM, sorry for the confusion.
"We want to have a MFM threesome as a happy, satisfied, adventurous middle aged couple. We have discussed most eventualities but still have a couple of what if’s.
What happens if we mutually enter into a threesome and one of us decides, once it gets intimate, we don’t want to continue.
Is this a reaction that’s common?
Is it going to be understood by the 3rd party?
Any advice of experience welcome.
Thanks. "
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As a female who has joined some couples i have found lots of communication before hand helps plus a social I always make sure i let the couple know i am very respectful of their relationship and apart from the lovely interaction with the lady which her partner loved, when he partner paid attention to me i always checked with her that it was ok And only went ahead when she said it was ok So i guess its all about finding the 3rd who is fun but also respectful |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
These things all need discussing with prospects once there’s the chemistry. If you can’t talk openly it’s not the right match
Often what happens first time with 3 and 4, people talk about everything except the one thing you are there to talk about and then someone finally says are we getting naked then and it just happens. |
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This happens a lot and is quiet normal. That's why safe words exist and at any moments all parties can exit.
Years ago I met a nice couple at a party and they were enthusiastic and up for a threesome but quickly realised the lady half was a ball of nerves and literally shaking as I was kissing her all over. Asked her if she wanted me to stop. She nodded and covered her face so I did. A kiss and a cuddle later and we were both completely over it.
Few weeks later I got a simple text from them which basically stated "we really want to see you again if possible". This time at their home and it was a night to remember. |
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I had a mmf for my birthday,for me I had my ex and his best friend.
I trusted both of them,and the sex was out of world,I think I must have worn them both,as I was still horny as fuck.
All I can say is that it's your body and u can do want u want,I would definitely have some ground rules that u both want or need.coz once your in that mmf u can get carry away,and your rules may changed.
For me personally some of my rules got a bit bent,but that was coz I was enjoying it.
Be open to each other what u want and chat before u even have sex with your mmf,that way u can work out what u all want to get from it. |
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As a male that's been the 'extra' a few time, getting the right man is important and I would always suggest an ice breaker meeting first, this could be 'OK we both feel comfortable to take it to the next base straightaway' on the ubnderstanding that a NO can still happen.
Or go away and discuss/arrange another meet if its you are both comfortable.
Its important that you communicate that its your first time with the male and be open about your apprehensions and that when it gets to it, it might be a hard stop
Contrary to popular belief if you select the right guy they will be caring and want you both to have a good time, and fully understand that it might be a quick stop and thanks but no thanks.
Good luck, and goes without saying, only do what you feel comfortable doing and don't be afraid to say no at any point x |
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By *oxy jWoman
over a year ago
somerset |
no can be used anytime dont matter if its your first meet or your 1,000th ... i get it sometimes with a meet where 10 mins in it no longer feels right or good i just turn around and say nope sorry its hote doing it for me ... if the person gets pissy thats his problem not mine thankfully very rare but does happen and its normally when the guys said something not right or tries to do something we did not agree to...
our very first meet was with 2 other couples who invited us to watch we all got naked and we watched and played whiles watching them we knew after that night that its something we deffo wanted and that was 30 years ago ...
but over those years we've met quite a few couples who really should not be swinging those one sided ones they really are the worse |
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Mrs C 
