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what to talk about on approach in clubs
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By *moothies. OP Couple
over a year ago
Woodthorpe |
Hi
We're a new couple to swinging who had difficulty geting conversations going I'm our first club visit. We tried generally chatty and jokey chat but no takers.
Some others put a review saying it was clicky that night and no one spoke to them, so i guess we didn't do sooooo bad.
My question is what do you use as ice breaker/chat subjects.....and (ok questions plural lol) if people don't respond well does it mean they're not interested or just rude?
Cheers Lx (Mrs) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never been to a club partly cost as being single partly exactly for reason you say is approaching folk.
If i were to start to chat would folk think hey up another single perve on the prowl  |
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Hi,
It's often several things, not ever really thought about it. Kate is quite "chatty" anyway;-).... However I'd say 80%+ of our fun in clubs happens with people we've not spoken to before.
For example we'll go off and either start playing on our own in a public room, or pitch up in close proximity to someone we like who's already playing or someone will start playing next to us. Then it just happens. 
If you're having trouble starting chat then the bars are usually the place, and if you want to increase your chances again, let the male put his feet up for a second and send the lady to get the drinks. If we ever do that I end up having to find Kate 20 mins later because she's gassing her head off to several people up the bar 
Ultimately just relax, and be yourself.
Some clubs do have cliquey nights, although sometimes I think this is just a "shy" night. On those nights just do your own thing - we've been suprised how many of the people we thought were keeping themselves to themselves ended up lying next to us in public rooms and joining in!
Remember some nights are better than others. We've seen new couples being shown around and said, poor buggers, if this was our first night here we'd never come back.
Try everything twice.
D&K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The same things you would talk about in everyday life. A person doesn't turn into some sex monster because they are in a swingers club! "
talk for yourself |
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shaz is very chatty, if she likes someone will pay a nice compliment, usually breaks the ice, if they are interested the conversion starts if they arn't you've said something nice smile and carry on.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The same things you would talk about in everyday life. A person doesn't turn into some sex monster because they are in a swingers club! "
This. 
If a stranger started an overly sexual conversation with us in a club then we would lose interest very quickly. To us conversation should be friendly and flirty.
To address the OP's cliquey comment and a subsequent comment about shy nights, some nights we'll talk to anyone and everyone others we very much want to speak to people that we know.
Also personally though I don't smoke I always go to the smoking area with crystal as conversation with stranger tends to flow much more naturally out there than at the bar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For me people speak to me if I am in cuspids as I have a London accent so everyone wants to know why I am there.....
I say I am a Mufc season ticket then normally get some joke abuse.....  "
Mike, not sure how to break this but that abuse ain't a joke mate... |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"For me people speak to me if I am in cuspids as I have a London accent so everyone wants to know why I am there.....
I say I am a Mufc season ticket then normally get some joke abuse.....
Mike, not sure how to break this but that abuse ain't a joke mate..."
Git lol......ahhhh the abuse is because I am ugly lol...lucky I know you wheels |
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By *utzzCouple
over a year ago
wrexham |
"
Also personally though I don't smoke I always go to the smoking area with crystal as conversation with stranger tends to flow much more naturally out there than at the bar."
so true, the one thing I miss about smoking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The same things you would talk about in everyday life. A person doesn't turn into some sex monster because they are in a swingers club!
talk for yourself "
We have heard about you two. Pair of sex crazed deviants. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm reading this with interest, due to visit my first club in couple weeks, nervous as anything, and not a natural chatter .
Got one thing going for me, I smoke, from posts above looks like best place to be to start a convo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm reading this with interest, due to visit my first club in couple weeks, nervous as anything, and not a natural chatter .
Got one thing going for me, I smoke, from posts above looks like best place to be to start a convo"
It is with other smokers. You will find that the smoking area in most clubs is like a ghetto though, one we know makes you go outside and sit in a mini bus. |
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From our experience, you can talk just about anything including mundane things like the weather, sports, etc.
Sense of humour goes a long way.
Alternatively, learn a few party tricks and that will break the ice.
??? |
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By *ayseanMan
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I can remember my 1st visit to a club being pretty nerve racking,but found the majority of people friendly+chatty which relaxed me alot+i ended up having alot of fun that night! Just relax+be yourself |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
I will literaly chat to anyone about anything... especially newbies because you can normally work out who they are.. after all we all use to be new once....
but i just will have a nice general conversation, it doesn't have to be about sex.. if fact i think most people would rather it wasn't.. lol but if you can't have a social chat in a social setting then i am not sure what you expect out of it...
it is one of the things about other single guys who just wander round not saying boo to a goose that i will never understand I suppose... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can remember my 1st visit to a club being pretty nerve racking,but found the majority of people friendly+chatty which relaxed me alot+i ended up having alot of fun that night! Just relax+be yourself "
I'm sure I'll relax once I'm inside lol |
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By *umpkinMan
over a year ago
near the sounds of the wimborne quarter jack! |
"For me people speak to me if I am in cuspids as I have a London accent so everyone wants to know why I am there.....
I say I am a Mufc season ticket then normally get some joke abuse.....
Mike, not sure how to break this but that abuse ain't a joke mate..."
I`ll have to remember this for next time I see you Mike! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm reading this with interest, due to visit my first club in couple weeks, nervous as anything, and not a natural chatter .
Got one thing going for me, I smoke, from posts above looks like best place to be to start a convo"
Same here, first club visit planned soon-ish and I'm a bag of nerves. Eek!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm reading this with interest, due to visit my first club in couple weeks, nervous as anything, and not a natural chatter .
Got one thing going for me, I smoke, from posts above looks like best place to be to start a convo
Same here, first club visit planned soon-ish and I'm a bag of nerves. Eek! "
Me too though I know I'll be fine, going with someone who's promised to look after me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm reading this with interest, due to visit my first club in couple weeks, nervous as anything, and not a natural chatter .
Got one thing going for me, I smoke, from posts above looks like best place to be to start a convo
Same here, first club visit planned soon-ish and I'm a bag of nerves. Eek!
Me too though I know I'll be fine, going with someone who's promised to look after me "
I'm sure he will. I'm going with a male pal too. Pretty sure he'll look after me. We've been in some pretty odd situations and those were fun. |
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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago
Midlothian |
A compliment is allways a nice way to start a chat.Or simply saying that you new and its only your 1st(2nd)time here.If they also new to the club than you have something in common.If they regulars:chat about the best days to come etc or what the themenights are like,if they have any.Should they not be engaging:hey,you tried and no harm done.Not everybody is chatty.
As a confident,friendly couple we find chatting easy,have learned mind that some swingers think:because you chat you want to play 
My non-smoking hubby does agree that the smoking area is in general more chatty.may be us outcast just bond + we are friendly happy bunch 
Just remember that a lot of people are shy and just don't know how to aproach.Like many said here before:just starting your own play has others joining.
We never know where all the swingers all of a sudden come from when we start in an empty room + next thing it fills up!
Enjoy the sexy athmosphere in a club,as more often you go as easier it gets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm reading this with interest, due to visit my first club in couple weeks, nervous as anything, and not a natural chatter .
Got one thing going for me, I smoke, from posts above looks like best place to be to start a convo"
You'll be fine Dirty...you'll take too it like a duck to water! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This has been an interesting read thanks, as a single guy I've been interested in finding a club to go to for a while but always decide against it, walking into a place I don't know on my own and seeing a bunch of people I don't know and not knowing what I'm supposed to do when I get in there just puts me right off, I'd love to try it but I've a feeling it won't happen |
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By *xodussxMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"This has been an interesting read thanks, as a single guy I've been interested in finding a club to go to for a while but always decide against it, walking into a place I don't know on my own and seeing a bunch of people I don't know and not knowing what I'm supposed to do when I get in there just puts me right off, I'd love to try it but I've a feeling it won't happen "
....why not??? I was feeling the same till I visited a club, thanks to a beach party posted here. As someone has mentioned they know straight away if you are new in a club. You will happily be surprised that the men in the club will come to your rescue and give you some advises. I've been lucky to be shadowed by another bloke who knows the place. He told me what happen where and what to avoid. Next thing I know is we were both taking one stunning lady DP in a public room. All my worries just vanished. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"This has been an interesting read thanks, as a single guy I've been interested in finding a club to go to for a while but always decide against it, walking into a place I don't know on my own and seeing a bunch of people I don't know and not knowing what I'm supposed to do when I get in there just puts me right off, I'd love to try it but I've a feeling it won't happen "
so what you would do if it was a social situation rather than a club.... not go???
see.. no offence... but the thing I will never get, is that you are a fully grown adult... looking for an adult meet.. and yet people fear going up to people and just generally chatting...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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so what you would do if it was a social situation rather than a club.... not go???
see.. no offence... but the thing I will never get, is that you are a fully grown adult... looking for an adult meet.. and yet people fear going up to people and just generally chatting......"
Yeah I'm pretty much the same in social situations, you'll usually find me stood at the back lol, when I know a place and the people I'm always having a laugh but its the unknown that gets me, not knowing what to expect and do when you first walk in, I'll have to try and meet someone to go in with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Horris, there's a club quite close to you in Sheffield, and it's just like walking into a pub. The only differences from a pub are: the girls are dressed very sexily and the big screen TVs show porn, not footie.
Seriously, you can go on your own with no worries. Dress smartly, smile at people and make eye contact, treat other members as you would want to be treated. Have some condoms in your locker, in case you get lucky, but go with no expectations. That way, if you are asked to play, it will be a bonus
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks sunny I'll have a look at which one that is in Sheffield, I think I'm just under the impression I'm going to walk in and see loads of single men walking around in a towel and I'm not going to fit in (not exactly got the six pack look lol), not going expecting to get lucky but just broaden my horizons and get to know people would be nice. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Thanks sunny I'll have a look at which one that is in Sheffield, I think I'm just under the impression I'm going to walk in and see loads of single men walking around in a towel and I'm not going to fit in (not exactly got the six pack look lol), not going expecting to get lucky but just broaden my horizons and get to know people would be nice. "
well you can be one of those guys, wander around in a towel like a lost lamb, and not saying boo to a goose if you want to... or you can show you are different and actually just talk to people...
the choice is yours in the end, but I know the approach that tends to have the better success overall in clubs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm reading this with interest, due to visit my first club in couple weeks, nervous as anything, and not a natural chatter .
Got one thing going for me, I smoke, from posts above looks like best place to be to start a convo
You'll be fine Dirty...you'll take too it like a duck to water! "
Hope so |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has been an interesting read thanks, as a single guy I've been interested in finding a club to go to for a while but always decide against it, walking into a place I don't know on my own and seeing a bunch of people I don't know and not knowing what I'm supposed to do when I get in there just puts me right off, I'd love to try it but I've a feeling it won't happen
so what you would do if it was a social situation rather than a club.... not go???
see.. no offence... but the thing I will never get, is that you are a fully grown adult... looking for an adult meet.. and yet people fear going up to people and just generally chatting......"
With all due respects a pub situation is different to a club situation |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
With all due respects a pub situation is different to a club situation"
why is it though... I don't look at it at the beginning as a pub situation or a club situation.. I look at it as a social situation period! after all you may not want to have a chat with the person you are playing with, but i am guessing a lot will...
it doesn't have to be the most in depth conversation, but just something... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
With all due respects a pub situation is different to a club situation
why is it though... I don't look at it at the beginning as a pub situation or a club situation.. I look at it as a social situation period! after all you may not want to have a chat with the person you are playing with, but i am guessing a lot will...
it doesn't have to be the most in depth conversation, but just something..."
Firstly whe I go to a pub, its with friends that I am not looking to play with so the atmosphere and conversation is completely different, to the atmosphere in a club.
Also, how many pubs have you been in where a towel is the dress code?
The two are very different scenarios and situations
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My missus often talks about the outfit the lady has on...generally goes on from there about her boobs lol "
yup same here..
boobs
hair
clothes
then transcends into want a dance and usually more.
Flirty, free chatting, be yourself. If your shy tell them why (it our first time at a club, we're pretty nervous) - otherwise you could come across as rude/obnoxious/arrogant etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My missus often talks about the outfit the lady has on...generally goes on from there about her boobs lol
yup same here..
boobs
hair
clothes
then transcends into want a dance and usually more.
Flirty, free chatting, be yourself. If your shy tell them why (it our first time at a club, we're pretty nervous) - otherwise you could come across as rude/obnoxious/arrogant etc."
I plan to chat, and say its my first visit, just cant comprehend people comparing clubs to a pub situation, as the two are not similar at all |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
Firstly whe I go to a pub, its with friends that I am not looking to play with so the atmosphere and conversation is completely different, to the atmosphere in a club.
Also, how many pubs have you been in where a towel is the dress code?
The two are very different scenarios and situations
"
well maybe that is where your clubs differ from the ones i go to... towels might be the thing in yours, but is isn't in mine, so maybe its fair to say the onus on the social side differs from club to club....
maybe it might be a question to ask the more successful guys if they consider the two to be different.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Firstly whe I go to a pub, its with friends that I am not looking to play with so the atmosphere and conversation is completely different, to the atmosphere in a club.
Also, how many pubs have you been in where a towel is the dress code?
The two are very different scenarios and situations
well maybe that is where your clubs differ from the ones i go to... towels might be the thing in yours, but is isn't in mine, so maybe its fair to say the onus on the social side differs from club to club....
maybe it might be a question to ask the more successful guys if they consider the two to be different.....
"
Maybe so, and maybe now you understand better why people get nervous for first visit, not every club is the same, and a lot clubs by me are towel/underwear dress code, so really cant be compared to a pub |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
Firstly whe I go to a pub, its with friends that I am not looking to play with so the atmosphere and conversation is completely different, to the atmosphere in a club.
Also, how many pubs have you been in where a towel is the dress code?
The two are very different scenarios and situations
well maybe that is where your clubs differ from the ones i go to... towels might be the thing in yours, but is isn't in mine, so maybe its fair to say the onus on the social side differs from club to club....
maybe it might be a question to ask the more successful guys if they consider the two to be different.....
Maybe so, and maybe now you understand better why people get nervous for first visit, not every club is the same, and a lot clubs by me are towel/underwear dress code, so really cant be compared to a pub"
whereas the clubs in the north east don't have that rule... so the understanding thing as you put it is very much a two way street....
i will say that where the final intent may be different, the way(s) of getting there is not that entirely different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Firstly whe I go to a pub, its with friends that I am not looking to play with so the atmosphere and conversation is completely different, to the atmosphere in a club.
Also, how many pubs have you been in where a towel is the dress code?
The two are very different scenarios and situations
well maybe that is where your clubs differ from the ones i go to... towels might be the thing in yours, but is isn't in mine, so maybe its fair to say the onus on the social side differs from club to club....
maybe it might be a question to ask the more successful guys if they consider the two to be different.....
Maybe so, and maybe now you understand better why people get nervous for first visit, not every club is the same, and a lot clubs by me are towel/underwear dress code, so really cant be compared to a pub
whereas the clubs in the north east don't have that rule... so the understanding thing as you put it is very much a two way street....
i will say that where the final intent may be different, the way(s) of getting there is not that entirely different "
This is something we will have to disagree on then, a pub atmosphere, as a rule is an atmosphere with people you already know or are familiar with, thus, have conversations already flowing with ease.
A club, especially first visit, you are walking into, not knowing anyone, with atmosphere that you are in a sex place, and are being @looked at@ for want of a better word as suitable play material or not.
I will never see a pub atmosphere and a club atmosphere as similiar atmospheres.
I intend to speak to people in an everyday manner, but have heard from people locally, that this isnt always expected at clubs, and to expect to see play in areas such as bars/lounges etc, again, something you would not see in a pub lounge. |
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"Hi,
It's often several things, not ever really thought about it. Kate is quite "chatty" anyway;-).... However I'd say 80%+ of our fun in clubs happens with people we've not spoken to before.
For example we'll go off and either start playing on our own in a public room, or pitch up in close proximity to someone we like who's already playing or someone will start playing next to us. Then it just happens.
If you're having trouble starting chat then the bars are usually the place, and if you want to increase your chances again, let the male put his feet up for a second and send the lady to get the drinks. If we ever do that I end up having to find Kate 20 mins later because she's gassing her head off to several people up the bar
Ultimately just relax, and be yourself.
Some clubs do have cliquey nights, although sometimes I think this is just a "shy" night. On those nights just do your own thing - we've been suprised how many of the people we thought were keeping themselves to themselves ended up lying next to us in public rooms and joining in!
Remember some nights are better than others. We've seen new couples being shown around and said, poor buggers, if this was our first night here we'd never come back.
Try everything twice.
D&K"
This is the way we did it the 2 times we have been to a club, just find an empty room start playing and some one will always want to join in.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess if it was just standard dress code until you go into a room to play I'd be much more at ease, but don't fancy propping up the bar in just a towel with belly on show next to a guy looking smug with his six pack and big schlong hanging down to his knees lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess if it was just standard dress code until you go into a room to play I'd be much more at ease, but don't fancy propping up the bar in just a towel with belly on show next to a guy looking smug with his six pack and big schlong hanging down to his knees lol. "
Find out dress code for club you want to goto
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was to offer any advice, I would advise people who are new to swinging, to choose a club which DOESN'T have a 'towel' policy, for their first experience.
I know not all areas are as well-supplied with swingers clubs as the North. But I have to be honest, even after 5 years, I would be reluctant to attend a club who told me to get naked as soon as I arrived.
The person who decides if/when I get naked is ME! That's why I only attend clubs which have bar/lounge areas where the atmosphere is more like a pub. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never been to a club. I imagine it's like a pub but with naked people having sex all over the place. Then when me and my bloke walk in they will all stop and silently glare at us.... Like that scene in American Werefolf in London. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are a out going couple so dont find it hard to chat and like it when others try to get involved what we dont like is men hanging around in a towel staring and not talking then trying to play with you, just talk like any other bar, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The same things you would talk about in everyday life. A person doesn't turn into some sex monster because they are in a swingers club!
talk for yourself "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've just been reading up on la chambre in Sheffield, thought about nipping through tonight for a couple of hours as it might be quieter on a Sunday night, but might have left it a bit late, has anyone else been there on a Sunday, any advise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to say we will talk to anyone but onne thing we do then have a problem with...how do you then ask to play? Often feels awkward. "
True , and sometimes too much chatting leads to no play !
Usually a bit of a chat , eye contact , bit of a flirt and fun time !!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just been reading up on la chambre in Sheffield, thought about nipping through tonight for a couple of hours as it might be quieter on a Sunday night, but might have left it a bit late, has anyone else been there on a Sunday, any advise. "
Ring the club, find out how busy it is or if its even open with the snow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have to say we will talk to anyone but onne thing we do then have a problem with...how do you then ask to play? Often feels awkward.
True , and sometimes too much chatting leads to no play !
Usually a bit of a chat , eye contact , bit of a flirt and fun time !!!
"
Yes you can talk too much and then actually asking to have sex with them feels weird. We really must stop being so talkative! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we chat to anyone about anything. sometimes I (Mrs) stand at the bar for ages chatting I normally start a conversation with "are you having a good night" that seems to normally break the ice then go from there. we try to always talk to new members to make them feel welcome as we know what it's like. with regards to play we normally say something like were going for some fun and your more than welcome to join in. if they do great if not then you will know xx |
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We go to Eureka in Kent. In the summer it's great round the pool. You get chatting to people, they introduce you to more people. Come party time you already know a few people.
In the colder months we try and get there early, maybe use the hot tub again you end up chatting. Then shower and get ready. The ladies always end up chatting as they get ready so that's a few more people you know.
We get on the dance floor and I'll work it so we are dancing next to a person/couple we like the look of. I'll turn Frisky so she is facing them. If they dance with her I back off a little so they can dance, this leads to a chat....
It's fairly easy if you put a little effort into it. We have made a few good friends at the club,and we're not the most outgoing couple. We will talk to anyone, but can see how it can look from the outside if you are going round the room chatting or standing in a group...
I would say it's easier to get chatting in a club than pub.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't go in with your tongue on the floor drooling because that will make people nervous just have the same approach you would have in a pub,strike a conversation about whatever you like and go from there let them become comfortable and relaxed and let them see you are not treating them like a breathing sex toy. |
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"For me people speak to me if I am in cuspids as I have a London accent so everyone wants to know why I am there.....
I say I am a Mufc season ticket then normally get some joke abuse..... "
Another cockney giving us reds a bad name. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't go in with your tongue on the floor drooling because that will make people nervous just have the same approach you would have in a pub,strike a conversation about whatever you like and go from there let them become comfortable and relaxed and let them see you are not treating them like a breathing sex toy."
We like people drooling over us and letting us know. We met a couple on Saturday in a club and we ended up leaving them alone as they were new and we thought they were not interested. Didn't want to seem pushy at the time but the next day they messaged us asking why we didn't play as they thought we were very sexy.
I think a bit of asking directly for what you want is a good idea! |
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My tattoos are generally a good conversation starter. As I tend to frequent towel clubs, they are usually on display. If for some reason you can't see them, then just a hi how are you will usually work. I'm a simple kind of girl!
Avoid work topics, sexual topics, and sounding/looking like a dog on heat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"im attempting to av my first visit to club secrets in sunderland soon, I sat attempting as theres a few issues, other than me being s**t scared haha "
You will have a good night club secrets is a great club. Dont be nervous Enjoy x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi ... this is my opinion and people hate every comment I make and use the 'age' card ... too old, past it etc. (except for Rio of course) so I fully expect to be sin-binned again, but hey ho! Just wait for the responses from the know-it-alls.
We've been to Abfabs a few times. We treat it like a 'pub' where we relax and chat as one would normally do and, depending on the chemistry etc, we may stray onto 'the subject'. It's just part of normal communication. We would expect to agree to meet subsequently if all is going well.
Rio tends to be targeted by men and women who are like coiled springs ready to jump on her which is not a good start.
We met a couple at Pleasures in our earlier days, whom Rio invited to a room (in for a penny ... in for a pound)and they agreed. But, somehow, we ended up talking in the bar until closing time. What a waste of an evening. We ended up wandering around on our own looking for action, but all we could find was 'planted' couples trying to create an atmosphere. This happens at Pleasures and AbFabs ... don't know about other clubs.
Our attitude now is to meet with people that we would like to meet again 'elsewhere' in rather more relaxed surroundings and we do not expect, or particularly want, to have sex within the club's facilities. This just our opinion of course.
I expect I am now about to be sin-binned again for these strong, offensive comments by those who know. |
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