FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Ghosting
Ghosting
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"We were talking to someone, had a social with everything going so well and everyone happy. Tons of compliments & can’t wait to do this etc. As soon as we’re trying to arrange a hotel we’ve been ghosted?! This is our first experience so trying not to be disheartened. Everything was going so well, so confusing "He Chickened out .... no need to overcomplicate it | |||
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"We were talking to someone, had a social with everything going so well and everyone happy. Tons of compliments & can’t wait to do this etc. As soon as we’re trying to arrange a hotel we’ve been ghosted?! This is our first experience so trying not to be disheartened. Everything was going so well, so confusing "OP I wouldn’t sweat it - these things happen. Usually it is because they have gotten scared of it _actually_ happening. That tends to scare off the fantasists. Just do what you want to do and it will work out. | |||
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"I got the feeling he was more into me (female) he definitely gave off that vibe..." This happens a lot with couples whether you're meeting singles or other couples. Obviously if you're looking for straight play then the guy is never going to be interested in the male in a couple so just being attracted to the female is no issue. When couples meet couples or a couple is looking for a single for bi play, whether male or female, then everyone has to be attracted to eachother - any attempt to 'take one for the team' will stick out like a sore thumb and ruin any meet. It's why it's much harder for couples to successfully meet other couples than singles because there needs to be 4 way attraction rather than 3 way, or 2 way. And some people will find it too hard even after a face to face social to say sorry, but they're not into you both. Hence they'll ghost, block and cut all contact. Sad. But true. A | |||
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"I think sometimes guys get the meet they've longed for but then can't go through with it. It might be performance anxiety, massive nerves, or whatever, and instead of communicating they run away." Or they are married and can't cheat on their wives. | |||
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"We were talking to someone, had a social with everything going so well and everyone happy. Tons of compliments & can’t wait to do this etc. As soon as we’re trying to arrange a hotel we’ve been ghosted?! This is our first experience so trying not to be disheartened. Everything was going so well, so confusing "It’s just life and online dating experience (not just fab). I got a great match, few dates and two of which ended with great sex. And silence after. Was really worried if she is alive or tragically died in some accident. Bumped into her in a shopping centre just said hi and I am ok but no response to any messages even after that. Apparently Googled and a bit of research showed it’s a common thing to happen when they can’t say no and not bothered to reply as you mean nothing. Just moved on and can suggest same to you. Even if you know the reason why he doesn’t like you it will change nothing. You don’t want to meet him anymore probably after some ghosting, so why bother . | |||
"We were talking to someone, had a social with everything going so well and everyone happy. Tons of compliments & can’t wait to do this etc. As soon as we’re trying to arrange a hotel we’ve been ghosted?! This is our first experience so trying not to be disheartened. Everything was going so well, so confusing "
We had this happen to us with a female, chatted on here for a couple of weeks, then moved to WhatsAppand spoke there for about a month or so,, was very keen to meet us, and was trying to arrange socials and then one day we msged her to confirm...and then she just stopped chatting, even when we asked her is everything ok, she was reading our msgs and just point blank refused to answer...so we left it there...she then added me (fem) on Snapchat so I said hi, how's things etc...no reply..then she added us on fb...said hi...no reply...she was really strange! And to this day have no idea what she was playing at...and we k ow for a fact she was a real woman and not some guy pretending! | |||
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"Sorry for your experience OP. Unfortunately most people are too weak to embrace honesty, and too selfish to make a polite excuse (e.g if they decided they don't fancy you, just say "I've decided to take a step back". Takes 5 seconds to do and a polie excuse amounts to the same thing bottom line: Not being naked together. It's manners and as some replies to your post show, most people are completely bereft. But if you stay on Fab you will get better at dealing with the lack of manners and respect and you come to spot the signs of one the children-with-adult-bits quite early on. The amount of time wasted getting to know them and the social is time you'll never get back but when you get a good meet and there's a smile on every face afterwards, you'll find walking through fields of shit was worth it to find the rose garden. Just mind where you tread x Mrs D" Agree with this totally !! I do think that Fab needs to find a way to allow a flag somewhere to highlight a ghoster though, making sure it couldnt be abused. Freedom of choice is an absolute given, but lack of courtesy, is not acceptable to us, especially when free time is a rare commodity and you've spent money on hotels and travel etc... We've experienced this a number of times now ( including this weekend), we've had lots of great meets, but these ghosting events do leave a sour taste in the mouth and do blur the good bits | |||
"We had this last week. We were contacted by a couple local to us and meet them that day for a drink. We all got on really well and there was a good connection and vibe. They came back to our house for several hours and we had a great afternoon chatting. We decided to meet again for a play meet. She WhatsApped me the next day to say they had a nice time and I suggested a date. No response. A few days later I couldn't see them on Fab so messaged to ask if they were OK. Read the message and ignored it. People are allowed to change their minds. That's fine. They were just dipping their toe in and maybe decided it wasn't for them. A polite message to say they've decided its not for them isn't hard. Ignoring us is rude. " If we were not outside you age range… just | |||
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"I think sometimes guys get the meet they've longed for but then can't go through with it. It might be performance anxiety, massive nerves, or whatever, and instead of communicating they run away. Or they are married and can't cheat on their wives. " | |||
"Sorry for your experience OP. Unfortunately most people are too weak to embrace honesty, and too selfish to make a polite excuse (e.g if they decided they don't fancy you, just say "I've decided to take a step back". Takes 5 seconds to do and a polie excuse amounts to the same thing bottom line: Not being naked together. It's manners and as some replies to your post show, most people are completely bereft. But if you stay on Fab you will get better at dealing with the lack of manners and respect and you come to spot the signs of one the children-with-adult-bits quite early on. The amount of time wasted getting to know them and the social is time you'll never get back but when you get a good meet and there's a smile on every face afterwards, you'll find walking through fields of shit was worth it to find the rose garden. Just mind where you tread x Mrs D Agree with this totally !! I do think that Fab needs to find a way to allow a flag somewhere to highlight a ghoster though, making sure it couldnt be abused. Freedom of choice is an absolute given, but lack of courtesy, is not acceptable to us, especially when free time is a rare commodity and you've spent money on hotels and travel etc... We've experienced this a number of times now ( including this weekend), we've had lots of great meets, but these ghosting events do leave a sour taste in the mouth and do blur the good bits" Why is Fab responsible for people behaviour though? Just because someone ghosts a single or a couple doesn't in any way mean they'll do it again, or to anyone else. Is it acceptable behaviour? Of course not. But does it impact anyone bar the two parties involved, thus requiring some kind of site intervention? No. Fab is a contact site not a babysitting service. It's shit. When it happens the only thing to do is block and move on. A | |||
"Sorry for your experience OP. Unfortunately most people are too weak to embrace honesty, and too selfish to make a polite excuse (e.g if they decided they don't fancy you, just say "I've decided to take a step back". Takes 5 seconds to do and a polie excuse amounts to the same thing bottom line: Not being naked together. It's manners and as some replies to your post show, most people are completely bereft. But if you stay on Fab you will get better at dealing with the lack of manners and respect and you come to spot the signs of one the children-with-adult-bits quite early on. The amount of time wasted getting to know them and the social is time you'll never get back but when you get a good meet and there's a smile on every face afterwards, you'll find walking through fields of shit was worth it to find the rose garden. Just mind where you tread x Mrs D Agree with this totally !! I do think that Fab needs to find a way to allow a flag somewhere to highlight a ghoster though, making sure it couldnt be abused. Freedom of choice is an absolute given, but lack of courtesy, is not acceptable to us, especially when free time is a rare commodity and you've spent money on hotels and travel etc... We've experienced this a number of times now ( including this weekend), we've had lots of great meets, but these ghosting events do leave a sour taste in the mouth and do blur the good bits Why is Fab responsible for people behaviour though? Just because someone ghosts a single or a couple doesn't in any way mean they'll do it again, or to anyone else. Is it acceptable behaviour? Of course not. But does it impact anyone bar the two parties involved, thus requiring some kind of site intervention? No. Fab is a contact site not a babysitting service. It's shit. When it happens the only thing to do is block and move on. A" So you don't think it's a repeatable behaviour...? | |||
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"Sorry for your experience OP. Unfortunately most people are too weak to embrace honesty, and too selfish to make a polite excuse (e.g if they decided they don't fancy you, just say "I've decided to take a step back". Takes 5 seconds to do and a polie excuse amounts to the same thing bottom line: Not being naked together. It's manners and as some replies to your post show, most people are completely bereft. But if you stay on Fab you will get better at dealing with the lack of manners and respect and you come to spot the signs of one the children-with-adult-bits quite early on. The amount of time wasted getting to know them and the social is time you'll never get back but when you get a good meet and there's a smile on every face afterwards, you'll find walking through fields of shit was worth it to find the rose garden. Just mind where you tread x Mrs D Agree with this totally !! I do think that Fab needs to find a way to allow a flag somewhere to highlight a ghoster though, making sure it couldnt be abused. Freedom of choice is an absolute given, but lack of courtesy, is not acceptable to us, especially when free time is a rare commodity and you've spent money on hotels and travel etc... We've experienced this a number of times now ( including this weekend), we've had lots of great meets, but these ghosting events do leave a sour taste in the mouth and do blur the good bits Why is Fab responsible for people behaviour though? Just because someone ghosts a single or a couple doesn't in any way mean they'll do it again, or to anyone else. Is it acceptable behaviour? Of course not. But does it impact anyone bar the two parties involved, thus requiring some kind of site intervention? No. Fab is a contact site not a babysitting service. It's shit. When it happens the only thing to do is block and move on. A So you don't think it's a repeatable behaviour...?" Of course it is - in theory. But not always. Let me explain. Say a bi guy meets a bi couple for a social after what seems like great chat online and even over the phone. The couples profile is very much centered on the woman visually and prior to the physical meet he has pretty much little idea what the male half looks like. Upon meeting he's very much interested in her, not at all in him. So they part promising to keep in touch in the guy then ghosgs and blocks the couple because he lacks the balls to explain his position. He then goes on to meet many other couples where he gets on with and is attracted to both, and lives happy ever after never ghosting anyone else again. Or example 2. A man and woman arrange a face to face social after chatting online for weeks. He comes across online as charming and she seems bubbly and confident. After spending just minutes in eachothers company she realises he's not charming at all in person and his online persona is all chatter and bravado. He thinks she's cute but dull and hasn't had a meet or sex in ages so is still keen on taking things further, despite feeling her personality online isn't the same in real life either. They part. She cuts him dead online. Goes on to meet many other guys and never blocks another soul in all her Fab life til dying at the age of 89 from exhaustion following a 50 guy gangbang. The variables are endless. But one incidence of ghosting doesn't always represent a consistent patten of behaviour. Maybe after doing it to one person or couple, a previous ghoster develops a conscience and some guts and does the decent thing in future and messages to say 'sorry not for me'. Maybe a previous ghosted will in fact do it repeatedly. Whatever the scenario, its not Fabs job to manage people's interactions. You can report a no show at present. Even that system is open to abuse, so god help people the day they can report someone for what is essentially just cowardly behaviour. A | |||
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"Sorry for your experience OP. Unfortunately most people are too weak to embrace honesty, and too selfish to make a polite excuse (e.g if they decided they don't fancy you, just say "I've decided to take a step back". Takes 5 seconds to do and a polie excuse amounts to the same thing bottom line: Not being naked together. It's manners and as some replies to your post show, most people are completely bereft. But if you stay on Fab you will get better at dealing with the lack of manners and respect and you come to spot the signs of one the children-with-adult-bits quite early on. The amount of time wasted getting to know them and the social is time you'll never get back but when you get a good meet and there's a smile on every face afterwards, you'll find walking through fields of shit was worth it to find the rose garden. Just mind where you tread x Mrs D Agree with this totally !! I do think that Fab needs to find a way to allow a flag somewhere to highlight a ghoster though, making sure it couldnt be abused. Freedom of choice is an absolute given, but lack of courtesy, is not acceptable to us, especially when free time is a rare commodity and you've spent money on hotels and travel etc... We've experienced this a number of times now ( including this weekend), we've had lots of great meets, but these ghosting events do leave a sour taste in the mouth and do blur the good bits Why is Fab responsible for people behaviour though? Just because someone ghosts a single or a couple doesn't in any way mean they'll do it again, or to anyone else. Is it acceptable behaviour? Of course not. But does it impact anyone bar the two parties involved, thus requiring some kind of site intervention? No. Fab is a contact site not a babysitting service. It's shit. When it happens the only thing to do is block and move on. A So you don't think it's a repeatable behaviour...? Of course it is - in theory. But not always. Let me explain. Say a bi guy meets a bi couple for a social after what seems like great chat online and even over the phone. The couples profile is very much centered on the woman visually and prior to the physical meet he has pretty much little idea what the male half looks like. Upon meeting he's very much interested in her, not at all in him. So they part promising to keep in touch in the guy then ghosgs and blocks the couple because he lacks the balls to explain his position. He then goes on to meet many other couples where he gets on with and is attracted to both, and lives happy ever after never ghosting anyone else again. Or example 2. A man and woman arrange a face to face social after chatting online for weeks. He comes across online as charming and she seems bubbly and confident. After spending just minutes in eachothers company she realises he's not charming at all in person and his online persona is all chatter and bravado. He thinks she's cute but dull and hasn't had a meet or sex in ages so is still keen on taking things further, despite feeling her personality online isn't the same in real life either. They part. She cuts him dead online. Goes on to meet many other guys and never blocks another soul in all her Fab life til dying at the age of 89 from exhaustion following a 50 guy gangbang. The variables are endless. But one incidence of ghosting doesn't always represent a consistent patten of behaviour. Maybe after doing it to one person or couple, a previous ghoster develops a conscience and some guts and does the decent thing in future and messages to say 'sorry not for me'. Maybe a previous ghosted will in fact do it repeatedly. Whatever the scenario, its not Fabs job to manage people's interactions. You can report a no show at present. Even that system is open to abuse, so god help people the day they can report someone for what is essentially just cowardly behaviour. A" Not asking fab to manage interactions, just to provide a mechanism on their platform that allows people to manage their interactions. People should be accountable for their behaviour, to just block and accept it as a life lesson just perpetuates the problem. In you’re examples if you’re brave enough to meet then you’re brave enough to say “no thanks”. Cowardice or whatever label you put on it is purely making excuses for dishonest, callous and disrespectful behaviour. I don’t purport to have the answers on how it could be done, I just know that this type of behaviour wastes peoples precious time and money as well as the obvious emotional stress element ( be that anger, self doubt or whatever ), and I’ve spoken to numerous couples and singles who have left due to timewasters, which I’m sure fab don’t want to happen. | |||
"Women defo lead you on here" i dont think its leading you on. its like, she was interested until chad thunder cock was available then she chose that. if she makes rules for you she will break them for someone else. any flaking, ifs buts, maybe. to the bin they all go. your time is just as valuable. | |||
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"... he went all weird, kicked off at me saying he didn't think me of all people would lead him on like this and then he blocked me He even had my number so if he couldn't find me he could of called I'm still shocked by it all to be honest " I've had guys go nasty on me like this and transferring the blame. I have been thinking of why they feel justified to get angry. Is it because their WAG changed her mind, and the WAG Curfew reimposed? So a combination of being sad and (transferred) anger with himself that his life is so controlled? | |||
"We were talking to someone, had a social with everything going so well and everyone happy. Tons of compliments & can’t wait to do this etc. As soon as we’re trying to arrange a hotel we’ve been ghosted?! This is our first experience so trying not to be disheartened. Everything was going so well, so confusing "Unfortunately it happens all the time. You'll get used to it but then find a diamond in the rough | |||
"People won't say sorry your just a shit option for us to your face easier to not answer messages after a social or meet as your now a safe distance away ,some might change their mind after as only one of them was feeling it and other only went along with them to save them face but once home have driven the nail home and partner has had to go with their decision not to continue contact" If you say 'you're just a shit option' to people, you might need to ask yourself a few questions. 'It was lovely to meet you but we're not sure the physical attraction was enough for us to move onto play' might be a tad better. That is what we would say a couple face to face. | |||
"We were talking to someone, had a social with everything going so well and everyone happy. Tons of compliments & can’t wait to do this etc. As soon as we’re trying to arrange a hotel we’ve been ghosted?! This is our first experience so trying not to be disheartened. Everything was going so well, so confusing "Ha.. happens to us frequently, thankfully it's usually before a meet. This is happening much more since covid, there seems to be MANY more timewasters, fantasists and pic collectors on here now !  | |||
"People won't say sorry your just a shit option for us to your face easier to not answer messages after a social or meet as your now a safe distance away ,some might change their mind after as only one of them was feeling it and other only went along with them to save them face but once home have driven the nail home and partner has had to go with their decision not to continue contact If you say 'you're just a shit option' to people, you might need to ask yourself a few questions. 'It was lovely to meet you but we're not sure the physical attraction was enough for us to move onto play' might be a tad better. That is what we would say a couple face to face. " your missing the point,read again | |||
