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Unread
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I've been made aware that women can read your message without opening your message. This means on your sent items it still shows as "unread". Does anyone else think this is counter productive? From a guy point of view if I see my message isn't read especially if said woman has responded to me in prior messages, I might send her a follow up and a follow up after that because I know it's likely my unread message has been snowed under. Thus you have the issue for women recieving 1000 messages daily. Wouldn't it be easier if you read it and it showed as read and you deleted it which shows the sender you've read and deleted and therefore not interested?
Why do people even read messages incognito? What's the reasoning behind it? |
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I can only speak for myself but I leave messages unread if I either A. want to reply properly when I can give it my full attention so I mark it as unread so I don’t look like I’m ignoring them or B. genuinely haven’t gotten around to reading the message yet. Unfortunately you’ll have no way of knowing which it is. However, sending message after message when you have not received a response yet is off putting and by doing so, you are directly contributing to the very issue you mention.
Plus (again, can only speak for myself here) if I got to yours and saw you had sent repeated unanswered follow ups in an attempt to “bump” yourself up, I would lose any possible interest and block you.
There was a message about this in the support and advice section yesterday I believe if you want some other views. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
"
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on. |
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" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on. "
But for the reasons explained above that doesn’t always happen that they read it outside of incognito mode and rather than prioritising your desire to meet you should be respectful and not pushy? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on.
But for the reasons explained above that doesn’t always happen that they read it outside of incognito mode and rather than prioritising your desire to meet you should be respectful and not pushy?"
No but a guy doesn't know if you read it incognito or you genuinely haven't read it. A guy will try pushing his messages to the top of your pile. Then you have women who say in the status "had to mass delete, too many messages" so no the guy sends another message so you can read it and he's ended up sending you probably 4 or 5 messages. It's sort of a vicious cycle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Anyone can read a message and then mark it as unread again OP or if it's short enough you don't need to open it to read it but it isn't just a women thing.
Pxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You don't need to read a message in incognito as you receive a notification with full message  "
No I mean reading the message and then marking it as "unread". That way you'll never know someone read your message and is just not interested |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Anyone can read a message and then mark it as unread again OP or if it's short enough you don't need to open it to read it but it isn't just a women thing.
Pxx"
Yeah I just realised guys can do it too. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on. "
A person is able to move on even if a message has not been read |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Maybe if there was a function where after you sent 1 message you were unable to send another until the other person replied to you. Maybe that would stop women being snowed under with replies. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"You don't need to read a message in incognito as you receive a notification with full message
No I mean reading the message and then marking it as "unread". That way you'll never know someone read your message and is just not interested "
You know they've read it once marked unread I think with a line only the top part but with the new features notification messages you don't need to open a message to read it because you can just scroll down |
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"No but a guy doesn't know if you read it incognito or you genuinely haven't read it. A guy will try pushing his messages to the top of your pile. Then you have women who say in the status "had to mass delete, too many messages" so no the guy sends another message so you can read it and he's ended up sending you probably 4 or 5 messages. It's sort of a vicious cycle"
I know that, that’s why I used myself in the example above and said unfortunately no you will not know if it’s unread purposely or because I genuinely haven’t read it yet. But the issue is why you care so much. Your insistence on wanting to speak to or meet the person seems to justify you behaving in a way that I have explained as a woman comes across as pushy, desperate and off putting and does not help your case.
Either they’ve deliberately read it incognito or they haven’t read it. It’s not that big a deal. If someone really wants to reply to you they will, that’s all you need to know. Sending multiple unanswered messages is just you contributing to the problem you’re describing - which by the way, not every guy does, but most of them do so you are not special and are making yourself look like every other pushy desperado out there. If you want women to stop mass deleting messages then why not start with yourself? 
In all seriousness, looking at your post history you’ve made a number of posts now basically around the topic of women not replying to you and I would gently recommend that you urgently chill out.  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Maybe if there was a function where after you sent 1 message you were unable to send another until the other person replied to you. Maybe that would stop women being snowed under with replies. "
Their is a function it's a prior warning which many ignore |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe if there was a function where after you sent 1 message you were unable to send another until the other person replied to you. Maybe that would stop women being snowed under with replies.
Their is a function it's a prior warning which many ignore "
That doesn't stop anyone though. Women still will get snowed under. Anyway was just a thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
Whether they read it or not, fab does remind you whem you send again without a reply, that further messages are considered rude
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on.
But for the reasons explained above that doesn’t always happen that they read it outside of incognito mode and rather than prioritising your desire to meet you should be respectful and not pushy?
No but a guy doesn't know if you read it incognito or you genuinely haven't read it. A guy will try pushing his messages to the top of your pile. Then you have women who say in the status "had to mass delete, too many messages" so no the guy sends another message so you can read it and he's ended up sending you probably 4 or 5 messages. It's sort of a vicious cycle"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to  "
You're more likely to have your message read if you're above than if they have to scroll 10 pages down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to
You're more likely to have your message read if you're above than if they have to scroll 10 pages down"
And less likely to get it replied to cos its pushy |
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"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to "
Precisely, plus the point I made also is that it’s not like you’ll be the only guy to think of this so it doesn’t even work chances are you’ll still end up halfway down the inbox, only now you’ll look like one of the guys I don’t want to get to know.
In fact maybe I shouldn’t be publicly discouraging these guys… go for it, send as many messages as you want, we won’t mind I swear  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to
You're more likely to have your message read if you're above than if they have to scroll 10 pages down"
Not necessarily sending loads would actually put someone completely off I know id get totally pissed off and block them sending loads also comes under harassment |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to
Precisely, plus the point I made also is that it’s not like you’ll be the only guy to think of this so it doesn’t even work chances are you’ll still end up halfway down the inbox, only now you’ll look like one of the guys I don’t want to get to know.
In fact maybe I shouldn’t be publicly discouraging these guys… go for it, send as many messages as you want, we won’t mind I swear "
It clearly shows who to avoid before any future messages |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe if there was a function where after you sent 1 message you were unable to send another until the other person replied to you. Maybe that would stop women being snowed under with replies. "
You get a yellow banner if you go to send a follow up message after no reply so a warning system is already in place. Also, people could just stop sending follow up messages then no one would get snowed under.
Pxx |
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"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to
Precisely, plus the point I made also is that it’s not like you’ll be the only guy to think of this so it doesn’t even work chances are you’ll still end up halfway down the inbox, only now you’ll look like one of the guys I don’t want to get to know.
In fact maybe I shouldn’t be publicly discouraging these guys… go for it, send as many messages as you want, we won’t mind I swear
It clearly shows who to avoid before any future messages "
I have had this happen many times where I’ve opened a message and seen that the person sent multiple follow ups since their original message which I actually would have been interested in by itself but now am absolutely turned off and instantly blocked. So yeah, OP and anyone else reading should forget what I said and carry on ahead as it makes a fantastic filter for who is likely to be a complete melter down the line |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to
Precisely, plus the point I made also is that it’s not like you’ll be the only guy to think of this so it doesn’t even work chances are you’ll still end up halfway down the inbox, only now you’ll look like one of the guys I don’t want to get to know.
In fact maybe I shouldn’t be publicly discouraging these guys… go for it, send as many messages as you want, we won’t mind I swear
It clearly shows who to avoid before any future messages
I have had this happen many times where I’ve opened a message and seen that the person sent multiple follow ups since their original message which I actually would have been interested in by itself but now am absolutely turned off and instantly blocked. So yeah, OP and anyone else reading should forget what I said and carry on ahead as it makes a fantastic filter for who is likely to be a complete melter down the line "
I could imagine one of those wtf never understand why/how a person would get so strung up over a message that hasn't been read or been read and placed unread it's very clingy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sending loads of messages so yours gets to the top doesn't mean it's going to be read sooner users are able to scroll down and pick who they want to reply to
Precisely, plus the point I made also is that it’s not like you’ll be the only guy to think of this so it doesn’t even work chances are you’ll still end up halfway down the inbox, only now you’ll look like one of the guys I don’t want to get to know.
In fact maybe I shouldn’t be publicly discouraging these guys… go for it, send as many messages as you want, we won’t mind I swear
It clearly shows who to avoid before any future messages
I have had this happen many times where I’ve opened a message and seen that the person sent multiple follow ups since their original message which I actually would have been interested in by itself but now am absolutely turned off and instantly blocked. So yeah, OP and anyone else reading should forget what I said and carry on ahead as it makes a fantastic filter for who is likely to be a complete melter down the line "
Yeah I use the replies I get here to block people. It's a good way for me establish people who I am and who I am not interested in. It's a 2 way street |
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" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on.
But for the reasons explained above that doesn’t always happen that they read it outside of incognito mode and rather than prioritising your desire to meet you should be respectful and not pushy?
No but a guy doesn't know if you read it incognito or you genuinely haven't read it. A guy will try pushing his messages to the top of your pile. Then you have women who say in the status "had to mass delete, too many messages" so no the guy sends another message so you can read it and he's ended up sending you probably 4 or 5 messages. It's sort of a vicious cycle"
Very few, in our experience send multiple messages but when they do we remind them not to be impatient or pushy...if they continue we block. We also can get a lot of messages so answer them in order of earliest first, so bottom first. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Anyway I'm off, these forums are just as bad as they used to be before. Some geniune nice engaging people must most aren't so pleasant. I probably won't be on here again or use this.
You can talk amongst yourselves about this. All the best. Have a nice night |
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"Anyway I'm off, these forums are just as bad as they used to be before. Some geniune nice engaging people must most aren't so pleasant. I probably won't be on here again or use this.
You can talk amongst yourselves about this. All the best. Have a nice night"
Maybe the women read your profile in stealth mode before your message and that puts them off reading your message  |
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"Maybe if there was a function where after you sent 1 message you were unable to send another until the other person replied to you. Maybe that would stop women being snowed under with replies. "
Think about this for a second..there are other reason women/couples get snowed under..because people like yourself message, not once, not twice but maybe three or four times, each message racks up the total...just be respectful and not assume that they have read and marked unread...it comes accross very desperate when they message more than once, it's just such a turn off! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I've been made aware that women can read your message without opening your message. This means on your sent items it still shows as "unread". Does anyone else think this is counter productive? From a guy point of view if I see my message isn't read especially if said woman has responded to me in prior messages, I might send her a follow up and a follow up after that because I know it's likely my unread message has been snowed under. Thus you have the issue for women recieving 1000 messages daily. Wouldn't it be easier if you read it and it showed as read and you deleted it which shows the sender you've read and deleted and therefore not interested?
Why do people even read messages incognito? What's the reasoning behind it?"
Oh dear, I hope you've woken up with a clearer head.
Once you've sent a message it's not up to you what happens to it, there is no reading incognito function but there is a message that I forms you that you sent the person a message before, it doesn't always work though, not sure why.
OP, send a message and forget, if they reply then reply back, when they stop replying then just leave it, it's really that simple. |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
"So I've been made aware that women can read your message without opening your message. This means on your sent items it still shows as "unread". Does anyone else think this is counter productive? From a guy point of view if I see my message isn't read especially if said woman has responded to me in prior messages, I might send her a follow up and a follow up after that because I know it's likely my unread message has been snowed under. Thus you have the issue for women recieving 1000 messages daily. Wouldn't it be easier if you read it and it showed as read and you deleted it which shows the sender you've read and deleted and therefore not interested?
Why do people even read messages incognito? What's the reasoning behind it?"
Because lots of women get banal messages from dullards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No point concerning yourself with your outbox, it's your inbox that matters.
If they choose to not reply, that's that, unfortunately.
Of course, it would be great if everyone could be considerate, politely decline and allow the other to know where they stand, though there's a vicious circle, abusive responses to a polite no thank you, prompts many to retreat and not respond that way, instead avoiding conversation in the hope the hint will be taken.
This leaves those being ignored feeling frustrated and when they do receive a message, assume they've caught a bite and when it's a no thank you, they try to keep a hold by messaging with all the reasons they should change their mind.
And it goes on and around.
Unfortunately, we can't change the way the rest of the site do things here, so we have to accept and adapt our ways.
Be decent, be none assuming, not pushy, sell yourself well, and keep an eye on your inbox for replies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Anyway I'm off, these forums are just as bad as they used to be before. Some geniune nice engaging people must most aren't so pleasant. I probably won't be on here again or use this.
You can talk amongst yourselves about this. All the best. Have a nice night"
Reading through the responses here, people have mostly been very decent, expressing to you their point of view in order for your to understand, nobody has been attacking, although that's often the case, it hasn't been here.
Maybe a little time away from fab, and come back with a new approach when ready, might be of use. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it  "
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft "
So trying to get their own message at the top would still come in the notification it's been one of the best ideas |
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" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on. "
There is no incognito mode for reading messages. They have to be opened to be read, although they can be then marked as unread again after we have seen them.
You will not know which they have done but the basic thing is don't message again if you have had no reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft
So trying to get their own message at the top would still come in the notification it's been one of the best ideas "
The push notifications?
Unfortunately, my browser doesn't support it.
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
" Why do you care if someone read your message?
Follow up, no don't and
follow up again, that's creepy.
Care about the people who DO want to talk to you and forget the rest
Because that's just what happens, especially if someone is eager to chat to you or meet. They may assume you've not seen their message. But if you read it outside of the incognito mode then at least they'll know you read and not interested and move on.
There is no incognito mode for reading messages. They have to be opened to be read, although they can be then marked as unread again after we have seen them.
You will not know which they have done but the basic thing is don't message again if you have had no reply. "
Their is now incognito via the message notification settings you don't even need to be online |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft
So trying to get their own message at the top would still come in the notification it's been one of the best ideas
The push notifications?
Unfortunately, my browser doesn't support it.
"
You sure ? it might be settings but you could always use another browser
I'm using Chrome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft
So trying to get their own message at the top would still come in the notification it's been one of the best ideas
The push notifications?
Unfortunately, my browser doesn't support it.
You sure ? it might be settings but you could always use another browser
I'm using Chrome "
Yeah, might have to consider a different browser, though to be honest, I think the way we currently use it suffices.
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft
So trying to get their own message at the top would still come in the notification it's been one of the best ideas
The push notifications?
Unfortunately, my browser doesn't support it.
You sure ? it might be settings but you could always use another browser
I'm using Chrome
Yeah, might have to consider a different browser, though to be honest, I think the way we currently use it suffices.
"
If you're struggling my inbox is open I've helped few and theirs seems to work with chrome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft
So trying to get their own message at the top would still come in the notification it's been one of the best ideas
The push notifications?
Unfortunately, my browser doesn't support it.
You sure ? it might be settings but you could always use another browser
I'm using Chrome
Yeah, might have to consider a different browser, though to be honest, I think the way we currently use it suffices.
If you're struggling my inbox is open I've helped few and theirs seems to work with chrome "
I'm using Opera mini, because it gets around the restrictions on over 18 material. Fab being one.
I'm trying it out on Chrome now, see how notifications appear, though I'm restricted to using my data only, as WiFi has the over 18 restrictions, and we're happy to keep it that way to help prevent the little ones from seeing things that shouldn't. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"And this is why I like the new message notification settings as you don't need to open the message to read it
Yeah yeah, we take the hint.
You've read our message and ignoring it. Pffft
So trying to get their own message at the top would still come in the notification it's been one of the best ideas
The push notifications?
Unfortunately, my browser doesn't support it.
You sure ? it might be settings but you could always use another browser
I'm using Chrome
Yeah, might have to consider a different browser, though to be honest, I think the way we currently use it suffices.
If you're struggling my inbox is open I've helped few and theirs seems to work with chrome
I'm using Opera mini, because it gets around the restrictions on over 18 material. Fab being one.
I'm trying it out on Chrome now, see how notifications appear, though I'm restricted to using my data only, as WiFi has the over 18 restrictions, and we're happy to keep it that way to help prevent the little ones from seeing things that shouldn't. "
Even by the network settings you can set up parental control so your able to switch between adult content and switch it on/off |
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"You don't need to read a message in incognito as you receive a notification with full message
No I mean reading the message and then marking it as "unread". That way you'll never know someone read your message and is just not interested "
If I get a message and I'm not interested it gets deleted.
Why would I leave it in a clogged in box!?
As for messages because you think I've not read/replied fast enough...
That'd get a sharp replay and block.
We don't live on fab
There's no two second rule.
Why don't you delete all your sent messages then it'll be a happy surprise if you do get a response.
Actions like you like are more likely to get you blocked or ignored |
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