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How to filter couples for full swap in clubs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey all,
Has anyone got any tips on the best way to filter or spot couples that are looking to full swap in clubs? How do you avoid wasting time 'socialising'?
Asking as our last two club visits were a blow out to be honest. Not in the good way either, and as many can appreciate we only have limited opportunities for this.
Anything we can try is appreciated, even if it's just a turn of phrase or buzzword to throw into conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Could you perhaps post a meet to say the date and club you are visiting ?"
Honestly we see little point, we've had nothing but timewasters respond. The sort who won't even send a face pic so we know who to look out for. |
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Often when chatting to other couples in clubs we ask fairly early what their dynamic is together, its usually an interesting conversation! However for us soft swap isn't a deal breaker but we do like to know boundaries x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting post , we are soft swappers based on bi fem fun , we get talking to other couples and as soon as soft swapping gets mentioned it’s over !
But it’s hard to please everyone |
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We like to mention it early(ish) in conversation so that if that's a no-no for the other couple, they've got the opportunity to say something.
One of the best ways around this issue I've seen is what they do for Hedo Swing Breakers (and previously Young Swingers Week) at Hedonism; they give you a necklace with your name on it in beads, and the colour of the necklace indicates if you're soft-swap, full-swap or pretty much DTF. Works very well. |
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"We like to mention it early(ish) in conversation so that if that's a no-no for the other couple, they've got the opportunity to say something.
One of the best ways around this issue I've seen is what they do for Hedo Swing Breakers (and previously Young Swingers Week) at Hedonism; they give you a necklace with your name on it in beads, and the colour of the necklace indicates if you're soft-swap, full-swap or pretty much DTF. Works very well."
Sounds like a good idea; of course, these would be optional but for those that took part I can see it working.
Would be good if clubs gave it a try; even if it was on an occasional night and see how well it is received. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why waste time chatting to the fuck meat. Laminate a card saying FULL SWAP ONLY and couples will immediately be aware.  "
You know something, they have a bracelet system at Liberty similar to that though didn't spot many using it when we went. Regardless, a good point, maybe well get something printed off that says "full swap or fuck off".  |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"We like to mention it early(ish) in conversation so that if that's a no-no for the other couple, they've got the opportunity to say something.
One of the best ways around this issue I've seen is what they do for Hedo Swing Breakers (and previously Young Swingers Week) at Hedonism; they give you a necklace with your name on it in beads, and the colour of the necklace indicates if you're soft-swap, full-swap or pretty much DTF. Works very well.
Sounds like a good idea; of course, these would be optional but for those that took part I can see it working.
Would be good if clubs gave it a try; even if it was on an occasional night and see how well it is received."
Great in theory.....but is it in practice? Sometimes you'll go in with the intention of full swap but not meet anyone that takes your fancy. Or as is often the case, you can't find a couple you're both attracted to but there's plenty where one half catches your eye. Or you meet someone who's your perfect idea of a match but they only soft swap. Or when everyone's naked and play starts, youre just not feeling it.
The point I'm making is that using labels, wristbands, badges or anything that states what you're looking for will be seen in a very 'black and white' way by anyone you come across.
Why not just talk to people? As others have said, a simple question asking what your dynamic is early in a conversation will give you the answer you want.
Labels and indicators can help but you may find them causing others to make assumptions.
A |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why waste time chatting to the fuck meat. Laminate a card saying FULL SWAP ONLY and couples will immediately be aware.
You know something, they have a bracelet system at Liberty similar to that though didn't spot many using it when we went. Regardless, a good point, maybe well get something printed off that says "full swap or fuck off". "
Love it! |
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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
The first thing we’d advise is don’t go to a club with any expectations, by doing so you’ll likely be disappointed.
We go to enjoy the atmosphere time together and chatting with folks in the scene - if anything happens - great, if it doesn’t, we’ve still had an enjoyable night.
Secondly try posting meets for the nights your going, don’t specifically look for meets - we usually just put up a meet and a status saying say “hi” if your going to be there, or look us up.
Gives people the chance to see your profile and interests and then look you up if you have the same interests.
Thirdly, when chatting - get to what your looking for pretty early on - no one will mind and are probably wondering the same thing - if they show disinterest and move on then you’ve saved yourself some time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why waste time chatting to the fuck meat. Laminate a card saying FULL SWAP ONLY and couples will immediately be aware.
I may have to go laminate a No Thanks card for my next club visit."
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"One of the reason that we tend to go to a club with someone
we know or at least have had a social with
Theg at least you all know where your up to
We never have much luck just going to a club
"
The Mrs here. I was just about to write very similar and I see the Mr beat me to it lol
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the input everyone. Don't get us wrong, we DO talk to people, and we can socialise. We do ask if folk are looking to swap early but it seems every person we speak to ends up being a couple who never end up playing with anyone. Hence we thought maybe our approach could do with some work, but we're now beginning to think this is normal at clubs on couples nights. |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
We've been to a few clubs in the evenings and worked out that they're not really our thing. It does seem that they are very "nighclubby" with loud music and no-where to actually talk to people, and the couples do seem to only be there to fuck in front of people and not swap.
We have much, much better times at daytime events where there's no loud music so people can socialise, and where there are single guys as well. But then we're a little unusual in that I (Bry) doesn't play so we're only looking for people for Char.
(Bry) |
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By *ebootCouple
over a year ago
Telford |
"Thanks for the input everyone. Don't get us wrong, we DO talk to people, and we can socialise. We do ask if folk are looking to swap early but it seems every person we speak to ends up being a couple who never end up playing with anyone. Hence we thought maybe our approach could do with some work, but we're now beginning to think this is normal at clubs on couples nights."
It can be quite normal we’ve found.
But then we’re terrible at approaching other people, and we rarely seem to be approached - which is generally why our club nights are uneventful.
But regardless, we have no expectations when we go and have a good night whatever happens |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
"I think if we ever felt someone viewed socialising with us as a waste of time if they didn't get laid, we'd probably duck out at that point."
We were thinking that. Some people get on so well, it may only start with soft swap but the journey is the main thing, meeting great respectful people. You never know where things could lead in the future and have an amazing time on the way. When we played only soft, we had fun with some amazing couples who were only full swap but due to what we just said they came into a room with us to have fun respecting our boundaries. They always left saying they were blown away and we had opened their eyes. So never say never if you meet the people you click with, just go with the flow and enjoy, you just never know  |
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It’s a tough thing as even if we were there for potential full swap, if a couple approached us and asked straight off if we were full swap and we hadn’t consulted if we liked both then it wouldn’t be a favourable response.
We’ve yet to find a couple where we fancy them both in clubs.
We’d much prefer a wristband to say we play by ourselves too
K |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just to update, after some bloody frustrating club visits (as our earlier posts probably reflect) we finally had a good one at the weekend. With two couples too, so we had chance to engage in all sorts of fun.
Managed to avoid some endless chatters as well by coming straight out and asking for swaps. It's no fine art, and it might seem rude, but if it helps identifying people that want to actually play then so be it. |
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By *irldnCouple
over a year ago
Brighton |
"We like to mention it early(ish) in conversation so that if that's a no-no for the other couple, they've got the opportunity to say something.
One of the best ways around this issue I've seen is what they do for Hedo Swing Breakers (and previously Young Swingers Week) at Hedonism; they give you a necklace with your name on it in beads, and the colour of the necklace indicates if you're soft-swap, full-swap or pretty much DTF. Works very well.
Sounds like a good idea; of course, these would be optional but for those that took part I can see it working.
Would be good if clubs gave it a try; even if it was on an occasional night and see how well it is received.
Great in theory.....but is it in practice? Sometimes you'll go in with the intention of full swap but not meet anyone that takes your fancy. Or as is often the case, you can't find a couple you're both attracted to but there's plenty where one half catches your eye. Or you meet someone who's your perfect idea of a match but they only soft swap. Or when everyone's naked and play starts, youre just not feeling it.
The point I'm making is that using labels, wristbands, badges or anything that states what you're looking for will be seen in a very 'black and white' way by anyone you come across.
Why not just talk to people? As others have said, a simple question asking what your dynamic is early in a conversation will give you the answer you want.
Labels and indicators can help but you may find them causing others to make assumptions.
A"
Absolutely this 
We are happy full swappers but soft swap too. We just go with the flow, no expectations, and also keep our own plans fluid as per reasons above.
I think if you go out only wanting one type of fun then you are setting yourselves up for disappointment.
Equally I see where the OP is coming from, in that you don’t want to spend the whole evening just being social. It is like walking a tightrope between getting the action going or being seen as pushy.
If things aren’t obviously going somewhere for us and another couple, our “get out of jail” card was just saying “we are off to explore the playrooms, feel free to join us if you want to” and head off. If they follow then happy days! |
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I love the idea of some sort of indicator of intention at a club, the bead necklaces mentioned are a good way of doing it, or being more direct I actually would quite like for example some little nametag things where you could put your fab details, and your intentions. Might be a little difficult with club outfits though.
I can sympathize with those who don't want to waste their time; and would interpret their suggestion of "wasting their time socialising" more kindly than some have.
Ultimately for us, if we are at a club we are there to fuck. We love having a social element, and often this can go on for hours before and after the playing. But if we had to lose either the socialising or the playing, we would lose the socialising
There is a difference between socialising with someone, finding that you just don't quite gel and not playing, that's one situation; and socialising with someone who (as is their right) had absolutely no intention of playing with anyone that night (or any night).
There is an element of unintentional time wasting, as although we may have enjoyed the time with them ultimately we're there to play and the social side is secondary. And once that amount of time is invested you aren't going to be able to invest it in anyone else who had more bold intentions for the evening.
Difficult to mitigate really, but something like the beads could definitely help |
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"Hey all,
Has anyone got any tips on the best way to filter or spot couples that are looking to full swap in clubs? How do you avoid wasting time 'socialising'?
Asking as our last two club visits were a blow out to be honest. Not in the good way either, and as many can appreciate we only have limited opportunities for this.
Anything we can try is appreciated, even if it's just a turn of phrase or buzzword to throw into conversation. "
Just ask early in the conversation what their dynamic is. “So, are you a full or soft swap couple?” Simple and they won’t be offended by the question.
Out of interest, have you been to Atlantis (being as it’s your local club)? |
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It would be nice to propositioned a bit more but i guess I am pretty direct at these things 