FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > No replies at all
No replies at all
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've been trying on this site for a few months now and have had zero luck. Most don't even bother replying.
I've tried to be as genuine as I can be and only post good photos that represent who I am.
Any advise welcome? Literally feel shit after using the site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have joined the biggest club on fab mate .. ignorance is a 'fab rule' unfortunately. You've really got drop your expectations on here. Play the long game and be patient, use it as a communication tool to go to clubs and actually meet folk, that's about the best you can do. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for the advice.
Think I'm finding it disheartening as me and my ex met a guy off here. He wasn't what he was putting up in his photos (outdated) but yet everyone seemed to be giving him good verifications.
Almost feels like if you are dishonest on here it works? |
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"Thanks for the advice.
Think I'm finding it disheartening as me and my ex met a guy off here. He wasn't what he was putting up in his photos (outdated) but yet everyone seemed to be giving him good verifications.
Almost feels like if you are dishonest on here it works?"
I don't think we're unusual in that it's the male who runs our profile. As a guy, there's not enough in your profile for me to assess whether you're what we would be looking for.
We created a forum post last week, which explains more about what we're looking for. Clearly everyone is different, but the post may give you some ideas about what others look for too, and how to structure your profile accordingly.
Whilst different couples will be looking for different things. The final comment in our post will be true for 99% of couples and females on here.
Click the green arrow and look for the post  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op, you need to invest in your profile, more pics that show variety of pics, bit more of the write up...
My suggestion to you like to many men on here that create a thread about this is, os to check other male users of the forums profile out, there are some fine examples of male profiles. Draw some inspiration and guidance from theirs. But above all else make it subjective to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Op, you need to invest in your profile, more pics that show variety of pics, bit more of the write up...
My suggestion to you like to many men on here that create a thread about this is, os to check other male users of the forums profile out, there are some fine examples of male profiles. Draw some inspiration and guidance from theirs. But above all else make it subjective to you. "
On a side note I'd manage your expectations of fab, if you think that you'll be knee deep in Clunie every weekend, then that's more than likely not going to happen...
Remember your awash in a sea of cock, where your trying to stand out... |
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As a man it’s mainly a social media tool rather than a adult dating site. I’ve been here 6 years as part of a couple and now on my own. So far only 2 meets have come from messaging. I have a lot of verifications due to club nights I’ve been on. If you are genuine and friendly then going to clubs will always be your best option. Organised socials are good networking too and allow you to show your personality much more than a message ever could. Also in here you are just a bunch of numbers and statistics.
Happy fabbing |
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By *olf and RedCouple
over a year ago
Nr Cardiff or at Chams Darlaston |
Like others have said going to a club is a good way to meet others, if you’re West Midlands you have Chams and Xtasia. Also large organised socials are a way of meeting a few people at the same time.
Red |
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to. "
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I've been trying on this site for a few months now and have had zero luck. Most don't even bother replying.
I've tried to be as genuine as I can be and only post good photos that represent who I am.
Any advise welcome? Literally feel shit after using the site"
As a couple that only meets single guys (preferably bi) we'd probably scroll past your profile for a few reasons.
The visuals aren't great. The blurry caving shot is more suitable for standard social media and whilst it may be your hobby its of little relevance to anyone looking to meet for sex (although there is plenty of scope for jokes about getting into holes of course). The only other photo is a generic 'guy in a towel mirror shot' that isn't that inspiring. Photos need to show personality but most importantly give an idea of body shape and size. No need for a public face pic but it's good to know the physical stature of the person you're viewing.
The BDSM test results are something commonly seen but may put off those with zero interest in any aspect of BDSM and might be limiting your market.
And the references to you being here before are pointless. Some people come and go on a regular basis, others leave when in relationships and then come back when they end and that can appear as if the profile owner views Fab as an easy source of 'between relationship sex' - which as most know it really isn't.
Aside from that the best advice is generally to get out to clubs and organised socials. You have plenty of noth in your area so the opportunities are there.
A |
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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"I've been trying on this site for a few months now and have had zero luck. Most don't even bother replying.
I've tried to be as genuine as I can be and only post good photos that represent who I am.
Any advise welcome? Literally feel shit after using the site"
I’d get done better photos and get yourself to clubs and socials |
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There are at least 10 men on this site for every woman (probably twice that ratio if you delete the fake female profiles). Women therefore get swamped with messages. For every 20 messages you send, typically 16 will go unread, and you might get 1 reply, assuming you made an effort to write a well-constructed message. The effort to do so, with such a low response rate, is quite disheartening at times. But its either that, or nothing!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for the advice.
Think I'm finding it disheartening as me and my ex met a guy off here. He wasn't what he was putting up in his photos (outdated) but yet everyone seemed to be giving him good verifications.
Almost feels like if you are dishonest on here it works?"
How very perceptive .. you are not wrong. Unfortunately the ladies don't view 'average' as honest.. they are invariably swayed by the swayzes .. it's like a chocolate box this place .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch."
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch."
Agree with this |
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"I've been trying on this site for a few months now and have had zero luck. Most don't even bother replying.
I've tried to be as genuine as I can be and only post good photos that represent who I am.
Any advice welcome? Literally feel shit after using the site"
Your profile looks fine to me. you can have a most ridiculous profile name or pics but still get lots of meet but adding dick pic might help lol
It’s hard for single guys here, Try socials or nearest swingers clubs. |
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To be fair there is nothing really wrong with your profile, it's better than a lot on here.
The big mistake is thinking that only a profile on here (good or bad) is the golden key to endless meets. It isn't, never has been and never will be.
It's just one tool in the box and if you are serious about this lifestyle then you will have to put in a bit more effort.
Clubs, socials Etc. Really are the way forward. Then you will find that the profile will start to be of some use.
Sitting at home firing off messages in the hope of getting a meet is pretty much futile.
Of course the law of averages says you will occasionally get lucky but those times will be very few and far between.
As for the no reply issue. It's not bad manners at all.
Firstly, as the site points out, no reply means not interested.
In the past we were "polite" and answered pretty much every message. Not any more.
Someone would say "nice pics" we would reply "thanks" then it's message after message trying to get us into some kind of chat. We don't want it.
Someone would ask us for a meet, we would decline. Then it's "why?" or sometimes they are downright insulting. We don't want that either.
We are even getting pissed off with some of the people we do reply to.
Because of our location we get many messages asking for general info. We nearly always reply, sometimes at length, but probably 50% of the time we don't even get a thank you.
So we are cutting back on that as well.
These days the only ones we reply to are from people who have obviously read and understood our profile. Read it and you will know what I mean. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners."
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A |
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By *ornycougaWoman
over a year ago
Wherever I lay my hat |
"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners."
If guys accepted the 'thanks but no thanks' messages and moved on then some of us would be more inclined to send them - tho I'm not sure it adds any more value than a deleted message as that is clearly a no.
When I reply 'thanks but no thanks' it generates responses that I don't want: thanks for the reply/ why?/ can't we just chat or cam/ abuse. See our predicament? |
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A"
I would say if you see a message, if it doesn’t suit you delete it. I try to keep notes on the outcome of my messages as a long time user, if I message someone and they reply or delete or it’s just read then I I make that so I know not to message again futher down the line. |
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A"
Yes. |
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"I've been trying on this site for a few months now and have had zero luck. Most don't even bother replying.
I've tried to be as genuine as I can be and only post good photos that represent who I am.
Any advise welcome? Literally feel shit after using the site"
If using this way of trying to meet people is causing you to feel bad lot might be a good idea to step back from it. It's never good to voluntarily put yourself in a position to feel bad.
Maybe take a rest from trying to meet and just read and join in the forum or have a look at the chat rooms.
Fab can be difficult for single men, that isn't going to change. |
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By *tew2009Man
over a year ago
wakefield |
Years ago (10 years +) when sites like Fab were in their infancy it was easy to get meets. There was a fair spread of couples, men and girls all looking to meet, but as ever, when something good gets out, like the California gold rush, everyone wants a piece and there's not enough to go round. There weren't many false profiles and timewasters around then as there are now so the first hurdle is finding the genuine ones. I find most couples' profiles are driven by the males and it soon becomes obvious that the female either doesn't exist or is blissfully unaware. The single girls enjoy the attention but most don't meet or they're just fake, So, sorry to play the Devil's advocate but if you expect sweet fuck all you won't be disappointed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
A"
Had to quote this part as it's so true.
The sense of entitlement by some is incredible at times.
The entitled people who expect a reply to thier unsolicited message are often the very same entitled people who will then ask why not, ask for specific feedback and potentially become rude or worse abusive if they don't get the reply they want.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Years ago (10 years +) when sites like Fab were in their infancy it was easy to get meets. There was a fair spread of couples, men and girls all looking to meet, but as ever, when something good gets out, like the California gold rush, everyone wants a piece and there's not enough to go round. There weren't many false profiles and timewasters around then as there are now so the first hurdle is finding the genuine ones. I find most couples' profiles are driven by the males and it soon becomes obvious that the female either doesn't exist or is blissfully unaware. The single girls enjoy the attention but most don't meet or they're just fake, So, sorry to play the Devil's advocate but if you expect sweet fuck all you won't be disappointed."
Almost every genuine couple in our swinging friends circle when it comes to the fabmin is done almost exclusively by the male. There's noway K would stick around on here if she had to wade through the countless crude, crass, abusive messages that we have received over the years. Then the majority are fancy a fuck messages consisting of 5 words or less. Maybe 5% of messages have actually shown some effort to engage us both (not just the female) and make some references to our profile. Those messages always receive a reply either way.
Its no wonder most single females leave this site within the 1st week. We had a female friend start a new account with no pictures and she was hounded with hundreds of disgusting messages in the first 24 hours. Like many she ran a mile. Those females who manage to brush it off and stick around deserve medals.
There's a reason many couples are primarily ran by the male. Yes there are fakes or males whose partner has left them still running the couples profile but they are pretty easy to spot.
We always send face pictures very early on and often we do it first. This include pictures of us together as well.
Once it gets to the stage where meet dates are been planned we are happy to verify a quick 2 minute chat with both of us over the telephone. Finally our verifications come from a wide range of established users so speak for themselves.
Golden rule follow the verification trail if it's a close loop of just a few profiles verifying each other that's a red flag.
If the verifications come from other well verified users, mention attending and meeting in clubs, clubs veris etc and those who have left veris have veris from a range of different established people then that's an excellent sign.
KJ |
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners."
But part of the fabs t&c’s is acknowledging that no reply is a polite decline.
We’ve had 60 messages this week. Most of them were crap so why bother replying? |
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Absolutely agree. On couples profile we have we were inundated. It's just too time consuming to read and reply to all the messages, especially on a single female profile. A friend joined the other day and before she could even add any text she had 26 messages  |
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OP, you got some great advice above. I'm just going to state that you have not been here "for months", you've only been here for 6 weeks. Patience is the key, but also "getting yourself out there" is important, too, as long as you can be friendly and chatty in person, able to do a bit of small talk with people.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Absolutely agree. On couples profile we have we were inundated. It's just too time consuming to read and reply to all the messages, especially on a single female profile. A friend joined the other day and before she could even add any text she had 26 messages "
Something needs to give because every new female is jumped upon as fresh meat with guys behaving like a pack of wolves within seconds literally of registration.
It's no wonder most new females and many couples don't last a week thesedays.it just means the M - F M/F ratio imbalance continues widen and the vicious cycle gets even worse.
KJ |
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"OP, you got some great advice above. I'm just going to state that you have not been here "for months", you've only been here for 6 weeks. Patience is the key, but also "getting yourself out there" is important, too, as long as you can be friendly and chatty in person, able to do a bit of small talk with people.
Good luck. "
Only 6 weeks! I'd missed that bit. 
I'll bet there are some on here that haven't had a meet in 6 years. |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
Go to an organised social and meet people , don't waste time messaging.
Any guys struggling in this alternative dimension... Well either adapt or leave ...otherwise it will get to you in a way that is not healthy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to. "
He said expectations, not standards.
You clearly are expecting to get replies or even to get meets.
Nobody owes you a reply. It even says so in the site FAQs - and if you've been on fab before, you'd know this.
Look at it another way.
How many takeaway menus do you get posted through your door?
Did you ask for them?
Are you interested in any of them?
You might even love Pizza, but the menus stuffed through your letterbox aren't quite appealling enough to you.
Do you phone these places up to tell them thanks but no thanks?
No. And why should you?
It's the same on here.
You could have the best profile write up on fab, with a good range of photos and still get no response. Almost everyone you message will look at your profile before even thinking of reading your message. If they don't find you appealing - for any reason - why should they message you to tell you?
Would it really make you feel better having an inbox full of 'No thank you' messages?
Also, single men out number women and couples on fab by over 100 to 1.
Think about how many messages they get in their inboxes.
There's a lady on fab whom I know personally in vanilla life who recently had to empty her inbox of 6,000 unread messages because there was just no way she could get through them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A"
Junk mail .. what an odd irrelevant analogy. We are talking a personal polite hello message directed to a particular person, not generic advertising. It matters not a jot what the site rules are as regards mannerly behaviour. Let's use the often paraded analogy on here of being in the pub or on the street, as a guide to online behaviour.. if someone said hello to you, you'd say hello back as would be expected in the civilised world. Those that then go on to harrang you or reply with anything other that a polite acceptance of your reply you can block. It is the never ending stream of ignorance particularly from more local women that really grinds the experience down for guys. Some (few) women do actually reply and when they do I for one thank them for doing so and that's the end of that (if it's a thanks but no thanks). As usual on here the ladies will be swayed by the pictures then get upset when after they do reply and strike up a conversation he turned out to be an arse .. .. what can one say ..... ???!! |
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One can say that it's a bit of an ask for someone, anyone, to type potentially 100 polite no thank yous a day. It's time consuming just to read all the messages that couples and single ladies receive and we all have lives outside of fab. It's just a sad reality |
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A
Junk mail .. what an odd irrelevant analogy. We are talking a personal polite hello message directed to a particular person, not generic advertising. It matters not a jot what the site rules are as regards mannerly behaviour. Let's use the often paraded analogy on here of being in the pub or on the street, as a guide to online behaviour.. if someone said hello to you, you'd say hello back as would be expected in the civilised world. Those that then go on to harrang you or reply with anything other that a polite acceptance of your reply you can block. It is the never ending stream of ignorance particularly from more local women that really grinds the experience down for guys. Some (few) women do actually reply and when they do I for one thank them for doing so and that's the end of that (if it's a thanks but no thanks). As usual on here the ladies will be swayed by the pictures then get upset when after they do reply and strike up a conversation he turned out to be an arse .. .. what can one say ..... ???!!"
Yes let's use the analogy of a person saying hello on the street or in the pub, if they were saying hello with a pic of their cock attached to them like on fab I wouldn't say hello no, I would run in the opposite direction and maybe call the police |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A
Junk mail .. what an odd irrelevant analogy. We are talking a personal polite hello message directed to a particular person, not generic advertising. It matters not a jot what the site rules are as regards mannerly behaviour. Let's use the often paraded analogy on here of being in the pub or on the street, as a guide to online behaviour.. if someone said hello to you, you'd say hello back as would be expected in the civilised world. Those that then go on to harrang you or reply with anything other that a polite acceptance of your reply you can block. It is the never ending stream of ignorance particularly from more local women that really grinds the experience down for guys. Some (few) women do actually reply and when they do I for one thank them for doing so and that's the end of that (if it's a thanks but no thanks). As usual on here the ladies will be swayed by the pictures then get upset when after they do reply and strike up a conversation he turned out to be an arse .. .. what can one say ..... ???!!"
Not irrelevant at all. Junk mail includes tailored, personal and individual marketing and doesn't have to be generic at all - the advertising world has long moved on from that. It's still not something requested and still junk. And still going to be ignored and binned by the majority.
As for your pub or on the street analogy ? I' have and would be perfectly happy to ignore the approach of a complete random stranger who I hadn't engaged with in any way, shape or form. I've been out for drinks with the wife, chatting at the bar when someone has decided to invite themselves into our personal space and attempt to join the conversation. Why would someone assume that two people in a bar wished to engage with a random, complete stranger?
If you don't like the fact that people won't reply then I'd suggest not sending messages because it's going to happen in the majority of cases.
And by your own use of the words 'never ending stream of ignorance' that display an attitude of entitlement to some sort of contact with others simply by setting up a profile on a website. Most have serious issues with anyone displaying traits such as those. If someone appears unable to deal with not being replied to it's a major red flag for how they might deal with any form of rejection face to face.
Again - nobody owes you anything. Not a reply, not the opportunity to meet and most definitely not any form of physical contact.
A
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A
Junk mail .. what an odd irrelevant analogy. We are talking a personal polite hello message directed to a particular person, not generic advertising. It matters not a jot what the site rules are as regards mannerly behaviour. Let's use the often paraded analogy on here of being in the pub or on the street, as a guide to online behaviour.. if someone said hello to you, you'd say hello back as would be expected in the civilised world. Those that then go on to harrang you or reply with anything other that a polite acceptance of your reply you can block. It is the never ending stream of ignorance particularly from more local women that really grinds the experience down for guys. Some (few) women do actually reply and when they do I for one thank them for doing so and that's the end of that (if it's a thanks but no thanks). As usual on here the ladies will be swayed by the pictures then get upset when after they do reply and strike up a conversation he turned out to be an arse .. .. what can one say ..... ???!!"
My personal oIpinion is that I think the experience of being a single woman both on here and in the outside world rather skews ones view of how to respond to men. One learns quite quickly that responding politely in a pub, on fab, in the street, on public transport can lead to 'giving the wrong impression ' or 'leading men on '. In my opinion it's because a lot of men *expect* women to respond to them positively all the time when they strike up a conversation which they hope will lead to sex and very often respond negatively themselves when that doesn't happen that many women feel it's far easier not to get involved in the conversation at all.
I for one wish that women didn't feel an obligation to be nice to men who approach them and that men didn't feel that they are owed that niceness.
If however a guy is approaching a woman to be friendly with absolutely no other motive and that is clear, answering is the polite thing to do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A
Junk mail .. what an odd irrelevant analogy. We are talking a personal polite hello message directed to a particular person, not generic advertising. It matters not a jot what the site rules are as regards mannerly behaviour. Let's use the often paraded analogy on here of being in the pub or on the street, as a guide to online behaviour.. if someone said hello to you, you'd say hello back as would be expected in the civilised world. Those that then go on to harrang you or reply with anything other that a polite acceptance of your reply you can block. It is the never ending stream of ignorance particularly from more local women that really grinds the experience down for guys. Some (few) women do actually reply and when they do I for one thank them for doing so and that's the end of that (if it's a thanks but no thanks). As usual on here the ladies will be swayed by the pictures then get upset when after they do reply and strike up a conversation he turned out to be an arse .. .. what can one say ..... ???!!
Yes let's use the analogy of a person saying hello on the street or in the pub, if they were saying hello with a pic of their cock attached to them like on fab I wouldn't say hello no, I would run in the opposite direction and maybe call the police"
Lol .. I was waiting for that exact comment...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Changed that. See if anything happens"
Nothing will happen, most people will read your message and look at your bio to make their minds up, if you feel shit that you haven't had a reply or meet in the 6 weeks since joining then you really don't understand swinging.
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to. "
That's not what he means, that would be dropping your standards. What he means is just not expecting anything from fab, as in if I message this person I will get a response because I'm everything they are looking for. Msg with no expectations of getting a reply, if you do then great, if not..forget and move on. |
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I would consider changing your profile pic. There is nothing wrong with it and it gives a good insight into the kind of guy you might be. But, as a 2 inch square thumbnail, that is your first chance to make an impression, it is difficult to see what the photo is actually of. I have to be honest I thought it was a close up of an enema until I opened it up!
I'd suggest putting that one in your gallery and changing the profile pic for something a little easier to decipher and that may make a better first impression.
Good luck |
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"Seriously? I had a feeling it may be because of this but one thing I don't think I could do is drop my expectations and meet somone I'm not attracted to.
Dropping your expectations isn't the same as dropping your standards. They mean drop your expectations by not expecting replies.
You are sending messages to people, why should they reply if you aren't what they are looking for, they never asked you to get in touch.
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners.
Do you reply to all spam/junk email saying no thanks?
And all the junk mail that drops through your letterbox gets a hand written reply saying thanks for the offer but I'm not interested?
I doubt it.
It's courteous in life to have zero expectancy of someone who is a complete stranger and recognise that they owe you absolutely nothing at all. Just because they have a profile it doesn't mean they want everyone on site to contact them. Not replying has nothing to do with a lack of manners. If anything, expecting a response and thinking those that don't are lacking manners is far worse behaviour than not replying. It reeks of entitlement and insinuates you're owed something your not.
Aside from that? The second you reply to someone it makes them immune to any age, gender or other filters you apply to your inbox. And that makes it not worth the hassle.
A
Junk mail .. what an odd irrelevant analogy. We are talking a personal polite hello message directed to a particular person, not generic advertising. It matters not a jot what the site rules are as regards mannerly behaviour. Let's use the often paraded analogy on here of being in the pub or on the street, as a guide to online behaviour.. if someone said hello to you, you'd say hello back as would be expected in the civilised world. Those that then go on to harrang you or reply with anything other that a polite acceptance of your reply you can block. It is the never ending stream of ignorance particularly from more local women that really grinds the experience down for guys. Some (few) women do actually reply and when they do I for one thank them for doing so and that's the end of that (if it's a thanks but no thanks). As usual on here the ladies will be swayed by the pictures then get upset when after they do reply and strike up a conversation he turned out to be an arse .. .. what can one say ..... ???!!"
Completely wrong.
Should we reply to one liners? No we bloody well won't. The sender can't be arsed to put a proper message together so we can't be arsed to reply.
We still get messages for meets in Tenerife when our profile specifically states we never visit the island. Ditto the Algarve for some reason.
So should we reply to those who have either not even bothered to read the profile or chosen to ignore it? No we bloody well won't.
"Do you want to meet for a drink and see what happens?" is a common one. Our profile again specifically states it will never happen. So as above.
Then there are the ones who won't take no for an answer, and there are plenty on here. Or the ones who take any kind of reply to try and drum up a conversation. Our block list is full of them.
So no, we won't reply to every message no matter what sense of entitlement some of the guys on here have.
Our time is much more valuable. |
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"
But it's courteous in life to politely decline .. I often get replies from evidently very attractive and very very popular ladies down south, demonstrating that if they can reply then there's nothing stopping women from elsewhere doing so. It's just manners."
If that’s how they manage their account then that’s entirely down to them.
As a single woman on fab for quite a few years now my main interest is clubs. I don’t meet privately it’s not my cup of tea. But I still get messages on the daily.
I’m not replying to strangers that I have no intention of meeting. For them to then be able to bypass any future filters because I’ve replied no thanks or get arsey replies. I just use the block button as a tool these days.
How I manage my account and my time is my choice. Fab for me is just a social tool for events and clubs, but the amount of guys that expect you to drop your knickers or talk to you in a vulgar way ‘because I’m on fab’ is just horrible but it doesn’t bother me anymore. This is my personal opinion on my experiences on fab. X |
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"I've been trying on this site for a few months now and have had zero luck. Most don't even bother replying.
I've tried to be as genuine as I can be and only post good photos that represent who I am.
Any advise welcome? Literally feel shit after using the site"
Your profile is your shop window
Your photos lack curb appeal
Get to a local social event
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Just as an aside, it took me a good minute to work out what I was looking at in your profile pic. I thought it was a shot of a dark skinned woman's thighs mid-gush 
People will look at your profile before opening your message. If you're one of 20 to message and they don't have a lot of time, a confusing profile pic might be enough to get you binned off unopened. |
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