FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Help needed!!
Help needed!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sooo I’m really struggling to get meets or even messages back at the moment which is quite disheartening.. I’m not sure if it’s my approach or appearance, I’ll put a couple of examples of messages I’ve sent below, I also have changed my hairstyle but have sent recent face pics with all first messages… any help would be massively appreciated. I understand I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea but I think I’m on a 7 message no reply streak. Thank you in advance for reading/ responding!
Example 1 “ Face pic attached… sooo don’t to the important bits I’m a pretty confident easy going guy, I gym and box 5 times a week so fairly fit, oh and also got the best curls you’ve ever seen I tend to be more the dominant in the bedroom but have been known to switch if my counterpart knows what they’re doing. Would love to go try out a club at some point but apart from that I’m just here for fun and new experiences  let me know what you think”
Example 2 “I think I’ve ticked all your boxes here: 6 “1, white, slim to athletic body, can fuck all night and looking for a saucy cougar.. face pic attached, let me know what you think“
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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
Honestly reading your bio and your examples of messages especially the 2nd one it would be a no from me. Your age is against you unf and trying to compete with the thousands of other men out there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ask yourself this question if those messages were the very first thing you said to a lady or couple you just met in a pub how would it go down?
People are firstly human beings not sex toys to be pitched for off the bat. Treating people as people with respect, dignity whilst showing you like what you see goes a long way. (For us at least)
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Ask yourself this question if those messages were the very first thing you said to a lady or couple you just met in a pub how would it go down?
People are firstly human beings not sex toys to be pitched for off the bat. Treating people as people with respect, dignity whilst showing you like what you see goes a long way. (For us at least)
KJ"
^^ OP..this ^^ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Example 1 “ Face pic attached… sooo don’t to the important bits I’m a pretty confident easy going guy, I gym and box 5 times a week so fairly fit, oh and also got the best curls you’ve ever seen I tend to be more the dominant in the bedroom but have been known to switch if my counterpart knows what they’re doing. Would love to go try out a club at some point but apart from that I’m just here for fun and new experiences let me know what you think”
Example 2 “I think I’ve ticked all your boxes here: 6 “1, white, slim to athletic body, can fuck all night and looking for a saucy cougar.. face pic attached, let me know what you think“
"
Just my opinion:
1. Both messages give whim you’re messaging a dilemma. Either to make the effort to try and broaden the reply into a conversation, or basically agree to sex with you. They aren’t generally going to make the effort to change the convo not when the % of men on here is so high.
2. They both read a bit like spam. Get those emails selling you something you not looking for? They read like those. I’ll bet you’re more or less copy/paste these, they read like you do.
3. You’re approaching people who don’t know you talking about yourself. Let your profile do that. How would you respond if someone approached you in a bar and just started talking about themselves? You’d walk away after a few mins of polite listening. Same here.
Hope this helps. I’m in a helpful mood.
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
So many reasons:
Your pics are all 3+ years old.
You've no verifications at all after over a year on the site - surely you can get to an organised social or club and chat to people?
You're one of the largest group (single straight guy) looking for one of the smallest group (FF couples and single women) so numbers are against you.
The first line of your profile text just sets a negative mood. Ever seen an advert that starts with "you'll probably never buy this"?
Telling people to message you for face pics is a non-starter. Why would they do that when there's 200 other guys that have provided them already?
Your emphasis on physical attraction and body type is going to put off a lot of people as they're going to worry about rejection for not being the shape you want.
The two example messages read like copy'n'paste spam - neither show any sign that you've read the person's profile or that you're at all interested in them. Neither asks questions about the other person, so makes it almost impossible to start a conversation.
If we received either message, we'd think "so what?" to it, think you're just another of the 95% of single guys that all merge into one, and delete it.
Sorry.
(Bry) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The bit on your profile about being not sure if you’re wasting your time is a turn off. Nobody’s going to want to give you a pity fuck.
The first message, the idea that you’re “dominant” (how do you mean?) but willing to switch if your partner “knows what they’re doing” is weird. How does she know that YOU “know what you’re doing”? What does that even mean? Also, it seems like you’re assuming women don’t “know what they’re doing” when being dominant, which is incredibly patronising.
The second one, did the person you’re writing to say they’re a cougar? I get told I’m a milf/cougar on here because of my age, but I don’t identify as either and it really annoys me when men just put those labels on me. Are you reflecting back something she’s written on her profile or are you just making an assumption? |
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Our observation is that the messages reek of copy and paste jobs in which aren't particularly liked on here, also the 2nd one lacks maturity.
Also your profile is pretty dull. Just think that men outnumber women by 100-1 on here so you've really got to try and stand out.
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OP, you already got some very good advice, but I'm going to throw my penny in the mix.
First of all, you're still quite young for this site. A lot of people don't start swinging until they're in their late 30-ties/early 40-ties, and a lot of the time prefer to meet people around their age.
Secondly, you're not selling yourself the best either with your pics or your bio- and yes, women do look! They may not appear on your "looked at me" list because a lot of us look in "ninja" mode, but we do check the person's pics and bio before we decide whether we want to interact with them.
Then your messages! Not going to comment on the 2nd one but the first one! If I got a message like that from a guy, first of all I'd think he'd have no time for me as he's too busy keeping fit (on top of work and other activities, I guess). Secondly, I'd question the "dominant" bit - do you mean you're in charge or do you mean proper Dom? If Dom, how much BDSM experience have you got? Have you been to any BDSM event, learned about building trust between Doms and Subs etc, or you just think you're an Alpha male and women are there to serve you.
I think you still have a lot to learn, OP. Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Very bland, generic copy & paste messages. Read profiles/look at pics you like and respond to what stands out to you?... Hi, I'm interested in your profile because of XYZ. I see that you're seeking/interested in ABC, so am I...
Snoozefest repeating your height etc - already on your profile. |
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"Sooo I’m really struggling to get meets or even messages back at the moment which is quite disheartening.. I’m not sure if it’s my approach or appearance, I’ll put a couple of examples of messages I’ve sent below, I also have changed my hairstyle but have sent recent face pics with all first messages… any help would be massively appreciated. I understand I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea but I think I’m on a 7 message no reply streak. Thank you in advance for reading/ responding!
Example 1 “ Face pic attached… sooo don’t to the important bits I’m a pretty confident easy going guy, I gym and box 5 times a week so fairly fit, oh and also got the best curls you’ve ever seen I tend to be more the dominant in the bedroom but have been known to switch if my counterpart knows what they’re doing. Would love to go try out a club at some point but apart from that I’m just here for fun and new experiences let me know what you think”
Example 2 “I think I’ve ticked all your boxes here: 6 “1, white, slim to athletic body, can fuck all night and looking for a saucy cougar.. face pic attached, let me know what you think“
"
well i can see already where you've gone wrong..... How can you chat about sex straight off the bat with someone you've never seen let alone met, you have to chat initially to get to know someone, hopefully you sent a face pic and not a penis shot  |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I look at someone's profile before I even open a new message on here. Yours tells me all I know about you and what you look for off here. Out of date pictures shows a lack of effort.
Your messages are pretty generic and don't really say anything about you. Bar you claim to be a Dom but will switch if women 'know what they are doing '. I'm sure any woman who is dominant will laugh at that line .You're other message would amuse me if I got it. You may think you tick all what they are looking for but that's not always the case.Like others have said they do seem copy and paste.
But if you are happy with what you send and your profile I would suggest not changing a thing.If they are a true representation of you then they are perfect. |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
You come across as a time waster. You want to go to a club? Go to a club, then, you don’t need a partner. You’re dominant except when you sub? Bless your heart. It’s ok to be a switch or vanilla. It all comes across as being a bit insubstantial and willing to say or do anything for a shag.
On the bright side, this is only a seven message streak, so you’re not messaging everyone. I reckon you know exactly what you want, you just don’t want to put people off.
Ask them two questions, and make sure there’s enough in your profile that they can ask you a question if they’re interested. And tell them why you’re messaging THEM in particular. |
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Think of every interaction with others as needing to sell you to them. We aren't compatible with most other people, so you need to keep a positive vibe going for everyone, until those who aren't compatible get filtered out. Strip out what doesn't keep a positive vibe, including anything that may seem demanding.
This includes photos, where others may be left uncertain, including the date of them. Have very well lit pics that give you the best opportunity here, letting us get the best grasp of knowing how you'd be if we met you. Don't do dick pics, as a central rule, a maximum of 1.
Good luck! |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
You have had some great advise here. Regarding wanting to go to a club. There is a newbie night TONIGHT at your local swingers club atlantisEVOLUTION.
Come along, get verified, meet loads of genuine helpful swingers in one evening, chat to people and get some tips in person.
Great opportunity on your doorstep!  |
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Some great advice and believe it or not helpful criticism of your profile and messages. So I won’t go over old ground.
So I’ll go from a different perspective.
You are 28, 6 feet 1, fit and from what I can see on your photos, not a bad dresser and quite handsome. You socially drink and don’t smoke, if you drive a nice car with a decent job, I’d say you’re quite a catch for any woman.
On any dating app or going out to a (normal) club or bar I would assume a few ladies would show some interest in you.
The issue I’d have is why is this guy on here ?
Is he actually wanting to be a part of the swinging scene ?
Or is he just wanting a quick shag and it’s about his pleasure or ego ?
To be fair, this site is for everyone, handsome, not so handsome, tall or short. So my concern isn’t about your looks, it’s more to do with your motivations when you joined.
To be fair, if it is to have a quick shag, then go to a club, plenty of women and couples have the same motivation. A young, tall, well dressed man does get attention (certainly the club nights I’ve been to) if he’s good in the sack as well, bonus !
Basically the scene isn’t this site, take the advice on board, improve your profile and messages, then if it still doesn’t work, go to Atlantis in Stoke as suggested. But if you don’t fancy the clubs then maybe it’s not for you, good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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"personally, from myself as a single woman's point of view, to quote KJ, this is exactly how I prefer to be approached, with a non pushy face pic perhaps and go from there to find out if you're what the person/s has in mind (this is from a personal view obviously)
Ask yourself this question if those messages were the very first thing you said to a lady or couple you just met in a pub how would it go down?
People are firstly human beings not sex toys to be pitched for off the bat. Treating people as people with respect, dignity whilst showing you like what you see goes a long way. (For us at least)
KJ"
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"So many reasons:
Your pics are all 3+ years old.
You've no verifications at all after over a year on the site - surely you can get to an organised social or club and chat to people?
You're one of the largest group (single straight guy) looking for one of the smallest group (FF couples and single women) so numbers are against you.
The first line of your profile text just sets a negative mood. Ever seen an advert that starts with "you'll probably never buy this"?
Telling people to message you for face pics is a non-starter. Why would they do that when there's 200 other guys that have provided them already?
Your emphasis on physical attraction and body type is going to put off a lot of people as they're going to worry about rejection for not being the shape you want.
The two example messages read like copy'n'paste spam - neither show any sign that you've read the person's profile or that you're at all interested in them. Neither asks questions about the other person, so makes it almost impossible to start a conversation.
If we received either message, we'd think "so what?" to it, think you're just another of the 95% of single guys that all merge into one, and delete it.
Sorry.
(Bry)"
This. ^^^^
Winston |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"Go to a club. Pick the right event and your almost nailed on!
X"
That's what I said! The club in the town that he lives in, is having an event for newbies this evening.
It was meant to be  |
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"Sooo I’m really struggling to get meets or even messages back at the moment which is quite disheartening.. I’m not sure if it’s my approach or appearance, I’ll put a couple of examples of messages I’ve sent below, I also have changed my hairstyle but have sent recent face pics with all first messages… any help would be massively appreciated. I understand I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea but I think I’m on a 7 message no reply streak. Thank you in advance for reading/ responding!
Example 1 “ Face pic attached… sooo don’t to the important bits I’m a pretty confident easy going guy, I gym and box 5 times a week so fairly fit, oh and also got the best curls you’ve ever seen I tend to be more the dominant in the bedroom but have been known to switch if my counterpart knows what they’re doing. Would love to go try out a club at some point but apart from that I’m just here for fun and new experiences let me know what you think”
Example 2 “I think I’ve ticked all your boxes here: 6 “1, white, slim to athletic body, can fuck all night and looking for a saucy cougar.. face pic attached, let me know what you think“
"
I honestly think you need to brush up on your skills on how to speak to a woman, your msgs would just be deleted from us. |
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