FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Secret partner wants to get married

Secret partner wants to get married

By *orny Landlord OP Man over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Hi, I have a few questions I would like to ask and get some insight on people's experience and get some advice.

Just to give you a insight on my situation.

I am married however the wife doesn't know that I have a long term discreet partner of 5 years. My partner knows I am married. She has previously been married and has 2 kids but is now divorced. However she has found someone who she wants to get married to but doesn't want our relationship to end. Her husband to be doesn't drink, or party nor does he know she drinks or is with me.

We both drink and we both have been on holidays abroad and have gone away for a night or two. We both are wild and kinky and enjoy our times together.

She now wants to settle down but doesn't want us to end, nor do I want to lose her by not accepting, so I have agreed that she can get married and that our setup(relationship) would not get affected. We both love each other if that makes sense, she also loves her husband to be, and I love my wife and kids too.

I'm a bit unsure how this would plan out and how I should feel about it. It's hard to speak to anyone about this as no one will understand the situation.

I would like to ask a few questions so I can get some clarification on what I should and shouldn't do?

1. Have I made the right choice by agreeing that she can get married?

2. Has either of you ever got jealous that the other person has a partner at home?

3. Do either of you feel in anyway, if one of you went away on holiday with your partner?

4. Knowing that you have a partner at home has that affected your sexlife between you both or the person at home.

5. Do I give her space and let her make her decisions.

6. She wants me to be the witness on their marriage certificate. I don't know if I can or how to feel about that.

5. I know she's been with him and has had a intimate relationship with him over a year I've never made a issue about it as she didn't tell me directly, but today she has mentioned she wants to go away with him for a couple of night and if it's ok with me. I appreciate that she asked me even though I know she's been meeting him.

6. How do I cope with the emotions and do I express them or not.

Hope someone can shine some light.

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By *ornyone30Man over a year ago

ABERDEEN

Hold on, I'm off for popcorn.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But... What... Shall... Does..

WTF?

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By *igNick1381Man over a year ago

BRIDGEND

I love when people deliberately make life difficult for themselves so the can complain about how hard their lives are

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman over a year ago

Wherever

I have questions but might need another glass of wine to process, bear with me.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

have I got this right, you're married and have a relationship of five years that your wife knows nothing about?

In my opinion you have no right to agree or disagree with the person you are having an affair with getting married, going on holiday with their fiancé or having sex with them. You're a secret, she's a secret neither of you have rights.

Don't under any circumstances be a witness at their wedding. That is dreadfully disrespectful to their spouse and your own.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

who do you want to express your emotions to? You are going to have to cope with them by talking to someone that this is not going to hurt, maybe a counsellor

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

also she's asking for your permission to go away with her fiance? I think you both have your priorities seriously wrong

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By *eeliciouschaosWoman over a year ago

Wherever

Ok, here goes question number 1.

Despite all that complicated love triangle (quadruple?!?), here you are still on Fab looking for NSA and friendship with a couple? Why?

Please understand I’m not judging, just trying to understand and give you some context as you asked for advice.

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By *izzy.Woman over a year ago

Stoke area

What a complicated situation. You ask for peoples experiences. I will tell you what it's like to be the wife that's cheated on, but I don't imagine that's what you want to hear.

The fact you are wondering if it was the right thing to allow her to get married and do you feel jealous about them having a "person at home" is mind boggling.

I try not to judge people, but you have messed up your life; your wife's life, your secret partners life and her husband to be. This will not end well whatever you do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She wants to get married and you have agreed to it... like she won't marry without your consent?

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By *ookie an creamCouple over a year ago

Fife

So you want to have your cake and eat it but feel you might be alittle upset if she does the same!! I really hope your wife know what you have been doing and doesn't care due to fact she has someone else now that would be a twist.

Cream

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By *hogun300Man over a year ago

Dundee

"Hi, I have a few questions I would like to ask and get some insight on people's experience and get some advice.

Just to give you a insight on my situation.

We both drink and we both have been on holidays abroad and have gone away for a night or two. We both are wild and kinky and enjoy our times together.

I'm a bit unsure how this would plan out and how I should feel about it. It's hard to speak to anyone about this as no one will understand the situation.

I would like to ask a few questions so I can get some clarification on what I should and shouldn't do?

1. Have I made the right choice by agreeing that she can get married?

2. Has either of you ever got jealous that the other person has a partner at home?

3. Do either of you feel in anyway, if one of you went away on holiday with your partner?

4. Knowing that you have a partner at home has that affected your sexlife between you both or the person at home.

5. Do I give her space and let her make her decisions.

6. She wants me to be the witness on their marriage certificate. I don't know if I can or how to feel about that.

6. How do I cope with the emotions and do I express them or not.

Hope someone can shine some light."

Wow, what a hero!

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By *arpePinguisWoman over a year ago

Norwich

I think you need to end things and speak to someone neutral. You're way too tied up in this relationship to do either of you any good, never mind your respective spouses.

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By *itvclaireTV/TS over a year ago

Birmingham

Think you BOTH need to walk away from your relationship. This is only going to end badly. Feel bad for your wife and her future husband.

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

Oh good lord.

I'll try and answer the questions.

1. Morally and ethically, no.

2. I've never been jealous of my married partner's wife or time they spend together personally, but that relationship exists with her full and enthusiastic consent. I'm genuinely glad that he has someone else and prefer all my partners to have their own (consenting) partners outside of our relationships.

3. If he's on holiday with the missus, I just spend more time with my other partners. If I'm away with one of my other partners, he usually wants all the juicy details when we meet up afterwards.

4. I don't have a nesting partner. I like knowing that he does.

5. Yes.

6. That is so absurdly disrespectful to both of the people you claim to love but lie to and cheat on that it's almost beyond parody.

5? You knew she was seeing someone else but she never bothered to really talk to you about it until she's far enough in to get married? Astounding.

6? Lie to yourself and pretend everything is fine. Seems to be the method employed towards other people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Think you BOTH need to walk away from your relationship. This is only going to end badly. Feel bad for your wife and her future husband.

Exactly this. Why the fuck can’t people leave their relationships if they can’t bring themselves to be faithful anymore?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry, I’m still picking my jaw up off the ground from the phrase ‘allowing her to get married’

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By *ickey73Man over a year ago

cardiff

You should be happy for her that she’s found someone and wants a future, you have yours with your wife and kids. There’s nothing to stop you being friends but if either of you got caught then that’s two people who will get hurt plus your kids. I’ve been in a similar situation but we both ended on good terms and are best friends, we confide in each other but that is all. You have your family life, you can’t prevent her from having hers. If you love her as much as you say then her happiness should come first

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By *onlywishiMan over a year ago

Newcastle

You have started a thread that could cause you so much stress!!

It’s not down to you she has full control because she isn’t in a relationship? You have one ?

Just because you’ve been with her for 5 years you have no claims to her !!

So either leave your wife for her or don’t go back to her and let her have the life she wants?

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By *ickey73Man over a year ago

cardiff

Coping afterwards does become easier over time. Concentrate on someone else, it won’t be the same but it will take your mind off overthinking on your own. Keep in touch but don’t do it daily, once or twice a week but only with calls rather than meets.

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

For someone who doesn't drink will smell it from someone who has had a drink regardless how much chewing gum or anything else is used so I'm guessing he may know a lot and already dug holes

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By *ucka39Man over a year ago

Newcastle

"Think you BOTH need to walk away from your relationship. This is only going to end badly. Feel bad for your wife and her future husband.

Exactly this. Why the fuck can’t people leave their relationships if they can’t bring themselves to be faithful anymore?!"

Exactly and be on here as well it's beyond me like neither kept him happy

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

If you are the witness to the wedding, the bit when they say speak now you have to say no she is in love with me. That will fix it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Was/is your wife an early age arranged/ family pressured marriage? Is divorce an option to you?

I'd either;

1. leave your wife & marry your gf because you love her

2. Love your gf enough to leave her to be happy with her husband & focus on repairing your marriage

3. Leave both & work on yourself to make better choices

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wow

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By *ecret SausageMan over a year ago

DERBY

Im in a simular situation. I met the female version of me. From the start we have connected in a way that i never knew was possible.

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By *iltsTSgirlTV/TS over a year ago

chichester

Wow what a fucked up situation. I would be cutting the cord and getting on with my life

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By *edVelveteenCouple over a year ago

Heaven in the Midlands

"have I got this right, you're married and have a relationship of five years that your wife knows nothing about?

Don't under any circumstances be a witness at their wedding. That is dreadfully disrespectful to their spouse and your own.

This in every way. Vx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You both deserve each other.

No other words.

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By *orny Landlord OP Man over a year ago

Wolverhampton

"You have started a thread that could cause you so much stress!!

It’s not down to you she has full control because she isn’t in a relationship? You have one ?

Just because you’ve been with her for 5 years you have no claims to her !!

So either leave your wife for her or don’t go back to her and let her have the life she wants? "

I was expecting a lot of mixed comments, but everyone has valid points and yes it is causing me more anxiety

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By *ootprints1629Couple over a year ago

somewhere in moray

Oh wow, I'd hate to be you when this all comes out, I don't think it matters what you do, the truth will aways come out...then you loose it all...not just your bit on the side but your wife, kids, life, potentially home...is it really worth all that...I'm sorry but I don't think your going to get the response you hope for with this...not only are you have extra marital affairs, your on fab...Good luck to you!

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By *ootprints1629Couple over a year ago

somewhere in moray

"Sorry, I’m still picking my jaw up off the ground from the phrase ‘allowing her to get married’"

It's compleatly mind boggling, what does he think he is...seriously, what he is doing is the worst kind betrayal, he is lavishing it all up, going on holiday, having.g a very nice fake life while is wife is looking after his kids...nah, I'm afraid he would be having his ass kicked out the door with a big heavy boot and told to come nowhere near me and the kids again..

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By *adMerWoman over a year ago

Sandwich

The complete and utter selfishness of some people still astounds me!

What makes you think that your feelings are more important than the rest of the world? Your own family included?!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why are you pming me & not replying in the forum as you should - your entitlement is astounding.

Yes its possible to love more than 1, but if you love them you put them first - being honest, sacrificing what you want for what's best for them. Love isn't selfish, deceitful or involves betrayal. In this situation, you only love yourself... Think of your kids when this all comes out. I'd seriously stop, stop right now. For your kids if nothing else. Don't contact me out of the forum again.

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By *iss.ddWoman over a year ago

Leeds + Newcastle

Is this real?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is this real?"

My thoughts exactly

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By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

What a car crash.

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

My head hurts, to much drama for this hour.

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By *oan of DArcCouple over a year ago

Glasgow

Eagerly anticipating the lurid Daily Mail headline in the fullness of time.

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By *illygirlWoman over a year ago

Kilmarnock

"Sorry, I’m still picking my jaw up off the ground from the phrase ‘allowing her to get married’"
that stuck out to me too

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By *otwife and MasterCouple over a year ago

Derby

If you love any of these people as you say you do, walk away from them all, let them have happy lives and go work on yourself. Personally I think you have no idea what love is.

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By *sBlueWoman over a year ago

Up North

"Is this real?"

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

I think you and them need to decide if either:

A. You want to be with one person who fulfills your needs.

B. You see that no one person can fulfil your needs but you can get fulfilment from different people.

If A, I'd say your clearly both wrong for each other for this as you clearly don't meet all each others needs. But also clearly wrong for the partners your both with too. Basically if you are A none of this is working for anyone.

If your B: then this isn't working too because there is no fruit in polygamous relationships where some are unknowingly defacto in one without consent and were you can't be open about living that life. So likewise that doesn't work for anyone.

Basically none of this works. My advise is if your A then you need to finish all of this and find the right person. If your B you then clearly you both need to finish with respective partners. As for a relationship with each other that would be dependant on if you both wish to go forward in a poly relationship. However such relationship are very much based in honesty and trust so one could argue your foundations may not be great on this front.

Personally I'd say ideally both of you go your own way with regards everyone and concentrate on yourselves and what you want from life and relationships going forward. Then re-engage in relationships when your both in a better personal space and position to go forward.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Netflix documentary?

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By *ingerie whoreTV/TS over a year ago

kirk hammerton

Seems to me you’re digging a very deep hole and eventually it will collapse ,you will get buried in so much sh1t that you will never get out of it .

It’s not a matter of if but when this goes pair shaped !!. Be honest to yourselves what ever you do people will get hurt

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By *all me FlikWoman over a year ago

Galaxy Far Far Away

In short it's all wrong but I'll address the first of your number 5's. She an adult and can make own decisions without your approval.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you need to walk away

far too complicated think several lines have been crossed

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By *roxhotwifecpl4funCouple over a year ago

goffs oak

Your married and have had a long term mistress and your on FABs, where do you find the time and how do you keep up? No judgement from us as everyone has their reasons but are you being your true self if your not able to be open with everyone in your life?

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By *ikesEmBigMan over a year ago

Amsterdam

"Your married and have had a long term mistress and your on FABs, where do you find the time and how do you keep up? No judgement from us as everyone has their reasons but are you being your true self if your not able to be open with everyone in your life?"

You forgot the holidays

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have questions but might need another glass of wine to process, bear with me."

LMFAO .. love it

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By *quirtyndirty!Couple over a year ago

Nottingham

Go for it mate, what could possibly go wrong....

Sometimes I think life is complex but really it's not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Think you BOTH need to walk away from your relationship. This is only going to end badly. Feel bad for your wife and her future husband.

Don't forget the kids !!

Its not a if he can give em a slice of cake ... the greedy fucker has eat the lot

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By *ightNWet69Woman over a year ago

dark side of the moon

That's some Sunday morning story.

My opinion isn't favourable to the OP, your wife deserves better than what you are giving her. You say you love her yet lie & deceive her

You seem to think you have some control over your mistress by "allowing" her to get married, not that much control as she went & got herself a partner outside of your relationship with her, she doesn't need your permission for anything.

This situation is a mess & although it will hurt the ladies involved it will be you that (maybe rightfully) loses everything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 15/01/23 09:53:22]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What a car crash."

If only he had taken the left turn off the roundabout .. he would have saves him self a lot of heart ache

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By *aunchy RaccoonsCouple over a year ago

Exeter

It sounds like you should all be single and shouldn't be anywhere near a relationships!

What a sorry mess it'll be when the kids find out.

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By *un-n-frolicsMan over a year ago

London

"She wants to get married and you have agreed to it... like she won't marry without your consent? "

Maybe she won't. Interesting dynamic.

"Will you marry me?" they guy asked.

"Err, umm, can I phone a friend?"

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By *I TwoCouple over a year ago

PDI 12-26th Nov 24

Is cheating on your wife classified as "swinging" ?

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By *reyToTheFairiesWoman over a year ago

Carlisle usually

"Is cheating on your wife classified as "swinging" ?"

Only by assholes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Really hope your wife finds out and takes you for everything

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I remember what it was like when my sisters and I discovered my Dad’s affair - we were in our late teens/early twenties. It was bad enough learning about that kind of betrayal then, I don’t even want to think about what it does to young kids.

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By *TG3Man over a year ago

Dorchester

"Hold on, I'm off for popcorn. "
lol

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By *TG3Man over a year ago

Dorchester

"Hi, I have a few questions I would like to ask and get some insight on people's experience and get some advice.

Just to give you a insight on my situation.

We both drink and we both have been on holidays abroad and have gone away for a night or two. We both are wild and kinky and enjoy our times together.

I'm a bit unsure how this would plan out and how I should feel about it. It's hard to speak to anyone about this as no one will understand the situation.

I would like to ask a few questions so I can get some clarification on what I should and shouldn't do?

1. Have I made the right choice by agreeing that she can get married?

2. Has either of you ever got jealous that the other person has a partner at home?

3. Do either of you feel in anyway, if one of you went away on holiday with your partner?

4. Knowing that you have a partner at home has that affected your sexlife between you both or the person at home.

5. Do I give her space and let her make her decisions.

6. She wants me to be the witness on their marriage certificate. I don't know if I can or how to feel about that.

6. How do I cope with the emotions and do I express them or not.

Hope someone can shine some light."
Hey number one you have no right to be jealous, number two she asked your permission out of respect for you but she would have got married irrespective, number 3 what about your poor wife and child, one of my nieces ex husbands (army) had another wife, house and child for 6 years before my niece found out and divorced him

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By *oelDorianMan over a year ago

vanaheim

"Was/is your wife an early age arranged/ family pressured marriage? Is divorce an option to you?

I'd either;

1. leave your wife & marry your gf because you love her

2. Love your gf enough to leave her to be happy with her husband & focus on repairing your marriage

3. Leave both & work on yourself to make better choices "

I would say the the honourable choice is 3 let them both move on and work on yourself as that would be the best choice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best come of fab pal .. your the most hated guy in britain at this present time .. lmfao .. RIP

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By *host63Man over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"Hi, I have a few questions I would like to ask and get some insight on people's experience and get some advice.

Just to give you a insight on my situation.

We both drink and we both have been on holidays abroad and have gone away for a night or two. We both are wild and kinky and enjoy our times together.

I'm a bit unsure how this would plan out and how I should feel about it. It's hard to speak to anyone about this as no one will understand the situation.

I would like to ask a few questions so I can get some clarification on what I should and shouldn't do?

1. Have I made the right choice by agreeing that she can get married?

2. Has either of you ever got jealous that the other person has a partner at home?

3. Do either of you feel in anyway, if one of you went away on holiday with your partner?

4. Knowing that you have a partner at home has that affected your sexlife between you both or the person at home.

5. Do I give her space and let her make her decisions.

6. She wants me to be the witness on their marriage certificate. I don't know if I can or how to feel about that.

6. How do I cope with the emotions and do I express them or not.

Hope someone can shine some light."

Classic case of two selfish people that want their cake and eat it.

Do what you like but, sooner or later this is going to get found out by one ir the others partner and itbwill notbend well for either if you.

For the sake of your wife and kids and your lovers new relationship,.you should both have the courage to end either your relationship with your lover or give up on your marriage and make a new life together if you love each other as much as you claim.

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