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Easing in gently
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Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them? |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them? "
Of course it is.
Many couples do that. We have many a time. You're never obliged to do anything with anyone and there will no doubt be times at clubs when nobody takes your fancy, so there absolutely nothing wrong with just enjoying each other in the same room as others.
Some couples specifically visit clubs to do this as exhibitionist and voyeurs, with no intention of doing anything with anyone else.
Crack on and enjoy! 
A |
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Thanks. Didn’t know if it was frowned upon. Feel it might be the way for us to get into the swing of things. Guessing others will have found those early nerves that went away by starting this way? |
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The secret to clubs is do what you feel happy with. If people are playing in a public space then they will be happy to be watched.
Don’t over think things and just go as far as _you_ want. There is always a next time to do more. |
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If in doubt call the club and tell them you're new and they'll tell you how many rooms they have and explain the bed etiquette etc. When you arrive they'll give you a tour round the club anyway. Have fun and don't be nervous x  |
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"Thanks. Exciting times ahead I hope! Any club recommendations appreciated."
We're lucky living in the North West, good selection of clubs most have different events on different days. Check out their websites for more details |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"Thanks. Exciting times ahead I hope! Any club recommendations appreciated."
I'm hosting a newbie night at AtlantisEVOLUTION in Stoke Jan 20th and 21st. The club opens at 8.30 exclusively for new people. You'll get chance to have a tour, chance to look around properly and ask any questions and raise concerns before others arrive. |
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We have been incredibly nervous each time we went to a club and still are. Unfortunately the clubs haven’t had so many people in them when we went so it has been hard to get started.
I think if we could watch some other people playing while we touch each other, that would be an amazing start to a night. So far we have always just been wandering the club feeling a bit awkward not sure how to approach people.
Luckily, one experienced could we had a short chat with came and danced with us on the dance floor last time we went. |
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"Thanks. Exciting times ahead I hope! Any club recommendations appreciated.
I'm hosting a newbie night at AtlantisEVOLUTION in Stoke Jan 20th and 21st. The club opens at 8.30 exclusively for new people. You'll get chance to have a tour, chance to look around properly and ask any questions and raise concerns before others arrive. "
Hi Lizzy,
We would love to try something like this. |
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"Thanks. Exciting times ahead I hope! Any club recommendations appreciated."
We've not had the opportunity to go ourselves, but we've spent quite a bit of time looking at different clubs up North. There are two near you which we intend to visit in the coming months;
Townhouse in Birkenhead. This was the first club we intended to visit. We drove as far north as Chester before we bottled out and spent the weekend doing vanilla stuff instead.
Cupids in Switdon. This has only recently come on our radar. However, it does seem like the street of place we might enjoy.
As was mentioned above, have a look at the reviews and websites. You'll get a good feel about whether the club is for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s definitely ok with what you are looking to experience! We’re heading to cupids tonight for the newbies night - it’s really chilled and there is never any pressure to play! Feel free to do things at your own pace |
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We recently went to Xtasia for the first time and were nervous as well. We chose to go on a fancy dress night and on a Saturday so there weren't single men (had bad experience with that the first time we tried a club). The fancy dress night meant we had a bit of an opener to chat to people about their costumes. So always worth checking out what sort of nights clubs are offering to pick something that suits you. Also have a look on here and drop the odd message to others who are going. It's nice to have someone you can chat to a bit when you are there and maybe not quite so intimidating as just going up to people once you get there. We also go with no expectations other than having a chat and wondering around and maybe seeing a few things in the more open areas of the club. Anything else that happens after that is a bonus. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them? "
Op this is fine totally. Others have mentioned Cupids and yes this is a good club. In the couples room there are couches you can watch couples playing. You don’t have to join in and there is no pressure |
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"We have been incredibly nervous each time we went to a club and still are. Unfortunately the clubs haven’t had so many people in them when we went so it has been hard to get started.
I think if we could watch some other people playing while we touch each other, that would be an amazing start to a night. So far we have always just been wandering the club feeling a bit awkward not sure how to approach people.
Luckily, one experienced could we had a short chat with came and danced with us on the dance floor last time we went. "
Sounds exactly they kind of thing I was thinking. Thanks for that. Guess we just need to get stuck in! |
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"Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them?
Op this is fine totally. Others have mentioned Cupids and yes this is a good club. In the couples room there are couches you can watch couples playing. You don’t have to join in and there is no pressure "
Sounds perfect. Thanks! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Clubs are great fun, you can just chat to people, be social, play together in a couples room or in a private room or play with others if the vibe is right. Every club has its own atmosphere so try a few out if you're able to, maybe find a newbies night? |
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"Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them? "
Yes thats totally fine. Shows you respect others to by not assuming you get to play with them just because you are sharing the play room. |
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By *eyeYCouple
over a year ago
Nr Leicester |
"Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them? "
Totally understandable question and not stupid in the slightest!! Having been to 3 different club's on 5 occasions, the nervous excitement is always there a couple of times we've not played with anyone else other than a soft style due to mother nature and in some ways they were our most enjoyable.. We love the environment and freedom that comes with a club. Go enjoy regardless whether you touch anyone else you'll love the experience and fuck each other senseless the week after  |
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Think of it like a pub first, you see and chat to all kinds of people. Some of them will be incredibly friendly but not play with anyone, some will not talk at all but ask you to join. There is a whole spectrum of everything in between. Go with no expectations, other than chatting to people and see where it goes, you may even be the people doing the inviting, if you go into an open door room and start playing you may get people watching and if you like the look of someone I'm pretty sure they will jump if you give them the signal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we went to our 1st club. We were a bit nervous initially but nerves went a few minutes into being there. We were eased into it by a friend couple who are into swinging for a long time.
As many suggest. Think of it like a pub but you might see the occasional ass cheek in the social area. 
You don't have to do anything you do not feel like doing. Usually clubs have areas where everyone including single males are welcome and different areas for couples with single ladies allowed.
If you choose to pick a room in a couples area. Lock it up, shut the blind and have all the fun you want.
People usually leave doors or windows open so that's an invitation to watch but not touch. Clear communication is clear so if someone wants to play, they'll let you know and so should you.
We went the mistake of going on a night where single males were allowed so it was a little off putting to the Mrs at one point where a guy stood so close we could almost smell him. Our mistake, played the open area.
Attend a couples night. Have a chat with regulars or even newbies. Had a lot of newbies when we went so had things to relate to.
You have to try it to see if it's for you. Don't pressure yourselves into doing anything just because you are there.
A lot of people attend just for a chat, a peak and a drink. As do we, until we find our match and have fun. |
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"When we went to our 1st club. We were a bit nervous initially but nerves went a few minutes into being there. We were eased into it by a friend couple who are into swinging for a long time.
As many suggest. Think of it like a pub but you might see the occasional ass cheek in the social area.
You don't have to do anything you do not feel like doing. Usually clubs have areas where everyone including single males are welcome and different areas for couples with single ladies allowed.
If you choose to pick a room in a couples area. Lock it up, shut the blind and have all the fun you want.
People usually leave doors or windows open so that's an invitation to watch but not touch. Clear communication is clear so if someone wants to play, they'll let you know and so should you.
We went the mistake of going on a night where single males were allowed so it was a little off putting to the Mrs at one point where a guy stood so close we could almost smell him. Our mistake, played the open area.
Attend a couples night. Have a chat with regulars or even newbies. Had a lot of newbies when we went so had things to relate to.
You have to try it to see if it's for you. Don't pressure yourselves into doing anything just because you are there.
A lot of people attend just for a chat, a peak and a drink. As do we, until we find our match and have fun. "
Thanks - makes us feel a lot more relaxed and def looking to stay away from single men. Sorry guys! |
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"Think of it like a pub first, you see and chat to all kinds of people. Some of them will be incredibly friendly but not play with anyone, some will not talk at all but ask you to join. There is a whole spectrum of everything in between. Go with no expectations, other than chatting to people and see where it goes, you may even be the people doing the inviting, if you go into an open door room and start playing you may get people watching and if you like the look of someone I'm pretty sure they will jump if you give them the signal."
Thanks - love the idea of thinking of it as a pub (even if it’s a lot cheekier!  ) |
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"Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them?
Totally understandable question and not stupid in the slightest!! Having been to 3 different club's on 5 occasions, the nervous excitement is always there a couple of times we've not played with anyone else other than a soft style due to mother nature and in some ways they were our most enjoyable.. We love the environment and freedom that comes with a club. Go enjoy regardless whether you touch anyone else you'll love the experience and fuck each other senseless the week after "
Thanks. Very nervy but excited! |
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"Clubs are great fun, you can just chat to people, be social, play together in a couples room or in a private room or play with others if the vibe is right. Every club has its own atmosphere so try a few out if you're able to, maybe find a newbies night? "
Cheers - newbies night might be a good start for us |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"Thanks. Exciting times ahead I hope! Any club recommendations appreciated.
I'm hosting a newbie night at AtlantisEVOLUTION in Stoke Jan 20th and 21st. The club opens at 8.30 exclusively for new people. You'll get chance to have a tour, chance to look around properly and ask any questions and raise concerns before others arrive.
Hi Lizzy,
We would love to try something like this. "
Sorry I only just saw your comment. It's a shame we don't get notified of comments like this.
I'll send you the information about the event next weekend. If anyone else want more information, feel free to message me or check CLUB EVENTS in the forum . You will be made very welcome |
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Hi, we’ve been on the scene a year now and still haven’t taken the plunge although we happily enjoy each other in these clubs. We both agree there’s no pressure to take the next step and think it should progress naturally, be interesting to see how long other people took to take the next step? |
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"Hi, we’ve been on the scene a year now and still haven’t taken the plunge although we happily enjoy each other in these clubs. We both agree there’s no pressure to take the next step and think it should progress naturally, be interesting to see how long other people took to take the next step? "
Took me a couple of trips to acclimatise with each new club to start with. As a single male it’s quite easy to take my time as I’m not having to fight them off. Even now I only play if there is a strong attraction for me, luckily I like people and am not so hung up on appearance so there are sufficient opportunities. Rather walk away than have a bad experience. |
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"Hi, we’ve been on the scene a year now and still haven’t taken the plunge although we happily enjoy each other in these clubs. We both agree there’s no pressure to take the next step and think it should progress naturally, be interesting to see how long other people took to take the next step? "
Yes, definitely. Always had the idea people dived straight in which feels a bit “intense”! So glad to hear that doesn’t seem to be the case for a lot of people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is what we’re into, we recently visited our first club, we were made to feel welcome by all. I found that there were no expectations of us and everyone respects boundaries. To be fair, I felt safer in that club than I do in any pub!
Unfortunately we didn’t play (women’s problems) but I can’t wait to go back and now don’t feel nervous at all.
Mrs |
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"We're also interested in trying a club but very nervous too!
Is it best to attend couples/single ladies nights for newbies?
Cpls nights are better as you dont get pestered by the single guys. "
Thank you |
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"This is what we’re into, we recently visited our first club, we were made to feel welcome by all. I found that there were no expectations of us and everyone respects boundaries. To be fair, I felt safer in that club than I do in any pub!
Unfortunately we didn’t play (women’s problems) but I can’t wait to go back and now don’t feel nervous at all.
Mrs "
That’s great thanks. Good to know the nerves will ease! |
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"Sorry if this is a stupid question. Totally new to the scene and although we’re really turned on by the idea of attending a club and swinging, the nerves are high and want to tread gently into trying the scene. Is it okay to watch other couples as they play and have a play ourselves in the same rooms but just with each other? Do people feel okay if you’re watching them but not joining in with them? "
Most couples rooms have viewing windows
Some smaller rooms have windows that you can leave open or close
There's no requirement to play with other people if you just want each other
Overthinking will just stop you going
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