FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Jealous??

Jealous??

By *lamwood OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

Hi Guys!

I'm new so please be gentle!!

I have a couples profile on here with my fiance.

We recently had our first meet with another male which went okay other than her worry that I wasn't enjoying it which distracted her a little! We spoke about what we both wanted so decided to arrange another meet!

Our second guy a month later was cool as a cucumber! He really did put us at ease and we all enjoyed the fun!

I recorded a few videos of him fucking her which was amazing! But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!

One of the videos she was bouncing on his cock in a position that she has never done with me and just says she doesn't remember!

We have spoke about this and I have told her how I feel about it but my mind keeps fluctuating between jealousy and aroused!

Am I being stupid?

Or has anyone else been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks in advance!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *a_fun_30_coupleCouple over a year ago

Durham

We haven’t been in that situation ourselves but if it’s something you aren’t comfortable with then maybe you need to talk about it at length and either decide what the boundaries are that you’re both comfortable with and play within those for now or just chalk the whole thing up as an experience and move on. The lifestyle isn’t a great fit for everyone but that’s ok. You sometimes have to try things to know what you don’t like

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 29/12/22 01:21:44]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You're not being stupid but do you want her to relax and be at ease or not?

Before we started swinging we agreed that it was just sex, that's all. We've both watched each other do things we've not done together with other people, we're not enjoying ourselves *more* than we do with each other, we're just enjoying ourselves. It's no threat to our relationship.

I think a lot of men feel as you do though and hopefully someone will be along shortly to tell you how they've dealt with it.

Edited because the original wasn't clear

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *erces LetiferMan over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

Is there any particular reason why you can't have reclaim sex using the same position?

Seems to me that would alleviate the jealousy aspect whilst making use of the arousal aspect, no?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *istinguishedDucksCouple over a year ago

Somerset

It's certainly not an uncommon reaction but it's something that doesn't bother me at all (male half here) and maybe me explaining why will help you.

In fact, in our first meet with another guy when we actually got down to business L was wetter than she'd been in a very long time and I could cause jealously in some people. However, my reaction was first, I was happy she was enjoying herself and second, that it's kind of to be expected. In my view a large part of this whole lifestyle is to experience some of that excitement/passion you get from having sex with new people whilst also having the comfort, trust and security of your relationship. So her getting a bit excited and maybe doing things a bit differently is just part and parcel of the experience. It doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy things with you any less, in fact I bet most on here would agree the sex with a partner you love and trust is almost a completely separate activity to sex with someone else.

So I'd say try and maybe see things from a different perspective but if you're still not completely comfortable the only solution is a frank discussion with your partner as the other responses have already alluded to.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!"

Would you prefer it if she had had a rubbish time?

Or were you hoping that she would say it was no better and no different to when you have sex together? (In which case, what would be the point?)

I'm curious what your(plural) goal was?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *penbicoupleCouple over a year ago

Northampton

"In fact, in our first meet with another guy when we actually got down to business L was wetter than she'd been in a very long time and I could cause jealously in some people. However, my reaction was first, I was happy she was enjoying herself and second, that it's kind of to be expected. In my view a large part of this whole lifestyle is to experience some of that excitement/passion you get from having sex with new people whilst also having the comfort, trust and security of your relationship. So her getting a bit excited and maybe doing things a bit differently is just part and parcel of the experience. It doesn't mean she doesn't enjoy things with you any less, in fact I bet most on here would agree the sex with a partner you love and trust is almost a completely separate activity to sex with someone else."

Spot-on response.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *itty_gizmoCouple over a year ago

Mordor

"Hi Guys!

I'm new so please be gentle!!

I have a couples profile on here with my fiance.

Our second guy a month later was cool as a cucumber! He really did put us at ease and we all enjoyed the fun!

I recorded a few videos of him fucking her which was amazing! But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!

One of the videos she was bouncing on his cock in a position that she has never done with me and just says she doesn't remember!

We have spoke about this and I have told her how I feel about it but my mind keeps fluctuating between jealousy and aroused!

Am I being stupid?

Or has anyone else been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks in advance!"

This is normal as fare as I can tell, your going to be a bit if not allot all over the place with your feelings, this is all new to you and allot to take in at 1st, I never believed that after 13 years with the wife that I would be happy to see her fucking some one else or that I would get injoyment from it but after allot of time and communication I like nothing more to see her enjoyment when she Is with other guys, and the fact that you feel she was in to it more than she made out is a good thing, if she wasn't then there's not much point, put it this way, you might be a water drinker and you love drinking it but every now and then you like to have a glass of milk and you enjoy that as it's diffrent, but you will allways go back to water as water is your preferred drink, you just enjoy a change every now and then

Don't forget communication is key, every day is a school day -G

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lamwood OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

Thanks so much guys!!

We have been together 8 years and this is something we have spoke about for half of that!

We spoke about boundaries and everything we could possibly think of before jumping in, hence why it's taken us 4 years to switch to the dark side! We even spoke about positions but as a three and not two whilst I watch!

I absolutely loved it and hope this jealous feeling does go away very soon! So we can enjoy this scene some more!

I will speak to her some more as I believe communication is absolutely vital in our relationship!

Maybe I'm just riding the emotional roller coaster that I'm sure many people do! The ride must be due to stop soon!

Thanks again guys!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Trust is a huge thing here. She is going to enjoy certain positions more with other men because not all cocks are the same. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you and enjoy sex with you.

There is one guy I meet regularly who makes me gush like a dam has been burst and my hubby hasn’t been able to replicate that no matter what we try!

At the end of the day as long as she always comes home to you then you have nothing to worry about x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *w_cuckCouple over a year ago

Cambridgeshire

"Hi Guys!

I'm new so please be gentle!!

I have a couples profile on here with my fiance.

Our second guy a month later was cool as a cucumber! He really did put us at ease and we all enjoyed the fun!

I recorded a few videos of him fucking her which was amazing! But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!

One of the videos she was bouncing on his cock in a position that she has never done with me and just says she doesn't remember!

We have spoke about this and I have told her how I feel about it but my mind keeps fluctuating between jealousy and aroused!

Am I being stupid?

Or has anyone else been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks in advance!"

My wife has been having sex with other guys for many years and I have been through lots if different emotions as a result. Happy to chat privately if you want to hear my experience on your situation

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *jEuphoriaCouple over a year ago

north kent

"Hi Guys!

I'm new so please be gentle!!

I have a couples profile on here with my fiance.

Our second guy a month later was cool as a cucumber! He really did put us at ease and we all enjoyed the fun!

I recorded a few videos of him fucking her which was amazing! But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!

One of the videos she was bouncing on his cock in a position that she has never done with me and just says she doesn't remember!

We have spoke about this and I have told her how I feel about it but my mind keeps fluctuating between jealousy and aroused!

Am I being stupid?

Or has anyone else been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks in advance!"

STOP, watching it.

Film you and her doing that position. and watch that.

Jealousy can rear it’s head in many ways. Avoid what makes you jealous.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *host63Man over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"Hi Guys!

I'm new so please be gentle!!

I have a couples profile on here with my fiance.

Our second guy a month later was cool as a cucumber! He really did put us at ease and we all enjoyed the fun!

I recorded a few videos of him fucking her which was amazing! But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!

One of the videos she was bouncing on his cock in a position that she has never done with me and just says she doesn't remember!

We have spoke about this and I have told her how I feel about it but my mind keeps fluctuating between jealousy and aroused!

Am I being stupid?

Or has anyone else been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks in advance!"

Maybe you're both not quite ready for this yet?

Unless you are both happy and don't feel jealousy this lifestyle can start to throw up problems that neither of you can move on from.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

After a few first meets with couples you have to remember you are opening up a side of her you have never seen. I have had it where women have wanted to try new things as they feel very open and ready to explore and he has not coped well.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *onnoisseur100Man over a year ago

Woking-ish

"Hi Guys!

I'm new so please be gentle!!

I have a couples profile on here with my fiance.

Our second guy a month later was cool as a cucumber! He really did put us at ease and we all enjoyed the fun!

I recorded a few videos of him fucking her which was amazing! But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!

One of the videos she was bouncing on his cock in a position that she has never done with me and just says she doesn't remember!

We have spoke about this and I have told her how I feel about it but my mind keeps fluctuating between jealousy and aroused!

Am I being stupid?

Or has anyone else been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks in advance!

STOP, watching it.

Film you and her doing that position. and watch that.

Jealousy can rear it’s head in many ways. Avoid what makes you jealous.

Yes this! Either that or making your next meet a couple so you can both play with a new partner and take your mind off over analysing your partners fun

Good luck.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lamwood OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

Thanks so much guys!!

Overwhelmed by the support in the forums!

We had another long chat last night!

I have looked at it from a different perspective and think we should learn from it!

He put her in that position and she just done what felt best! We can take this as a lesson learned and add this to our own fun as we all don't fuck the same!!

Cannot believe I let jealousy get the better of me! I'm sure many of us do at some point!

She didn't want to say she was in to it as much as she was as she thought I would think it was better than our sex!

Don't get me wrong.. adding another is absolutely amazing!! But nothing comes close to the sex between just us two! They are two completely different scenarios which can't be compared together!

Again.. thanks so much guys!

Love how many different angles I received support from which helped so much!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ikesEmBigMan over a year ago

Herts

"Hi Guys!

I'm new so please be gentle!!

I have a couples profile on here with my fiance.

Our second guy a month later was cool as a cucumber! He really did put us at ease and we all enjoyed the fun!

I recorded a few videos of him fucking her which was amazing! But a few days passed and watching the videos back I can't help but think she was a lot more in to it than she had made out!

One of the videos she was bouncing on his cock in a position that she has never done with me and just says she doesn't remember!

We have spoke about this and I have told her how I feel about it but my mind keeps fluctuating between jealousy and aroused!

Am I being stupid?

Or has anyone else been in this situation and have any advise?

Thanks in advance!"

There are a lot of couples on here that aren't a strong as they think. I've often been asked for separate meets without their partners knowing

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/12/22 13:59:38]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thanks so much guys!!

Overwhelmed by the support in the forums!

We had another long chat last night!

I have looked at it from a different perspective and think we should learn from it!

He put her in that position and she just done what felt best! We can take this as a lesson learned and add this to our own fun as we all don't fuck the same!!

Cannot believe I let jealousy get the better of me! I'm sure many of us do at some point!

She didn't want to say she was in to it as much as she was as she thought I would think it was better than our sex!

Don't get me wrong.. adding another is absolutely amazing!! But nothing comes close to the sex between just us two! They are two completely different scenarios which can't be compared together!

Again.. thanks so much guys!

Love how many different angles I received support from which helped so much!!"

Glad you talked and sorted it - you just have to keep being open and honest with each other. If hubby tells me he’s not comfortable with me meeting a man from here then I don’t. Some positions are so much better with other men but it’s just sex. I am in love with hubby and that’s what makes our sex life better than anything I could have with another man.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *isfits behaving badlyCouple over a year ago

Coventry

The feeling of jealousy and arousal is perfectly normal. There's not many couples or individuals (in couples) who don't feel that mix of emotions. To varying extents. And sometimes even when your cool, experienced and no expecting a twang can always come out of the blue. Its why I sceptical of anyone who says they're never and jealousy or a encounter that has never worked due to an element of jealousy or feelng slightly left out. Even in great loving trusting couples because jealousy isn't just about an issue of trust. Sometimes it's more to do with feelings of self inadequacy or sense of neglect or not getting our full personal full filament. And sometimes our partner can see things abouts someone's intent beyond just swinging that we can't (it happened to us and Mrs Misfit's gut instinct proved right).

And remember you need to have faith in the quality and connection you have together. It can be difficult when you see your other half totally engaged and lost in another despite how much you want them to have an awesome mind blowing experience. Me and Mrs Misfit have both experienced that. But you have to remember it's perfectly normal and human to be really excited and be throughly enjoying someone new. And naturally I think we all want our other halves to have a hot time. So you have to remember this is not challenge to you or your relationship. What you have will always be the best, you need to be bold in your security in that and understand our partners will have awesome times with others.

I think you have to measure the impact of your emotions against the value this life brings you as a couple. Remember the key goal is having fun, being yourselves, sharing and growing together. If these emotions are preventing this then it's time to establish if this I for both of you?

Personally we talk openly and honestly with each other. That is our main tool to navigating this world. And sometimes the conversations are hard. Because we do this as we progress on our journey together in this scene we grow better together and find our way better. We discover what works, what doesn't and better ways of working together and supporting each other.

To sum up my most important message in a word it's, talk.

And I agree with others if them videos ain't helping put them to one side right now. It's a learning process. Walk before you run.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eatcrusadersCouple over a year ago

Nottingham

The best advice I ever received is to see the other person as a toy. You wouldn’t get jealous of her purple rabbit, so why would you get jealous of him. I’ve found the jealousy has just made me hornier!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

Would you prefer it if she had had a rubbish time?

I've often wondered that when I've heard people say similar.

One of the joys of swinging is to find new ways of turning each other on!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *itty_gizmoCouple over a year ago

Mordor

"The best advice I ever received is to see the other person as a toy. You wouldn’t get jealous of her purple rabbit, so why would you get jealous of him. I’ve found the jealousy has just made me hornier! "

This is exactly how I started, just a nother toy added to the play, dident take long to change that view in to "let's have some fun"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

OP, this is pretty much the point of swinging and meeting others, though you have to be open enough to explore possibilities or you may as well keep it to the cinema each week.

Sex isn't the same, you don't have sex the same with everyone you meet and I will guarantee you - what turns someone on, will turn someone else off. People shag in very many different ways.

If you are having thoughts that your wife actually enjoyed another cock, what would you have rather happened; that he came, slapped her arse, walked out with a ciao as your Mrs sits there disappointed - as that likely does happen too.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lamwood OP Man over a year ago

Liverpool

Again I couldn't be more grateful for the advise and support I have received from everyone here!

So many different valid points!

I can confirm however I am definitely not feeling any jealousy from it anymore!

I absolutely love that she enjoyed it! Otherwise like mentioned, what would be the point!

We sat down and spoke about everything from the meet and how we both felt about it all!

I think I was just being a bit of a bitch and wanted my belly rubbing and reassuring

We have been together 8 years and each meet I learn more and more about her and myself which brings us even closer!

I thought we already had an extremely unbelievable and frequent sex life but since our meet we have literally not been able to keep our hands off each other!

I believe this is exactly what this lifestyle is about and I can't wait to explore some more!

Thanks again guys!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

Sounds a bit demeaning for the person who you’ve invited to share your bed, doesn’t it? Unless they specifically seek that (and many do), most people would want to feel like you see them as a person.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uitednbooted2Man over a year ago

Berkshire

The attitudes towards single guys on here are a great filter.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *itty_gizmoCouple over a year ago

Mordor

It's just a mind set for the time that play is happening, it's not that that's the only way you think of that person from the time you meet them, the person is still a person and for me would have to be what we where looking for as a person, if we dident still see them as a person then that would mean we just let anyone join just because thay have a cock and that's not the way we play, we have met many many friends that are realy good people-G

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eatcrusadersCouple over a year ago

Nottingham

Maybe it is, but what is going on in your head really isn’t anyone’s business unless you act out something that is ‘demeaning’ to them (like you said some people may enjoy that though). If it helps you focus your feelings, I don’t see any harm in it. The purple rabbit analogy was just a little joke, but I can see how that would make you think I was suggesting to see them as an object. That is not what I meant.

The advice was given from an owner of a club on our first ever visit. We were talking about our concerns over jealousy or the worry that your partner will have feelings for the other person. It was his suggestion about how to view the people you play with, rather than how we as first time swingers are used to - as potential long term lovers/partners.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't do anything like this unless you have a strong, understanding relationship that is able to deal with the feelings raised by inviting others into your sex life.

It's always going to be a risk, as you've found out already, so you really need to be happy that you and your fiancee are right for each other. Otherwise she may not be your fiancee for long.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic