FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Bad experience due to swinging
Bad experience due to swinging
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So tonight I have had the worst experience of my time in the lifestyle, and would appreciate any advice to help me get past it.
Essentially, I had arranged to meet someone on here, in a public place.
Instead of the person in question turning up, I was instead approached by police officers as they had been contacted by someone saying I was “acting suspiciously”… this then involved me explaining why I was there, then getting myself and my car searched to prove that I have no illicit or misappropriated items.
I’m upset, annoyed with myself and feel like a complete idiot, and can’t help but wonder how badly things could have gone.
Maybe it’s time to give up on the lifestyle altogether? |
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Sounds like you were "set up"..though why anyone would do that I don't know as it's horrible.
I don't understand why the Police would search you & your car for no good reason.
After all you were just "meeting " someone.
Did the Police say what you were doing that was suspicious?. |
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"Sounds like you were "set up"..though why anyone would do that I don't know as it's horrible.
I don't understand why the Police would search you & your car for no good reason.
After all you were just "meeting " someone.
Did the Police say what you were doing that was suspicious?."
By the way did your "meet " turn up?. |
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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago
Fabville |
"Sounds like you were "set up"..though why anyone would do that I don't know as it's horrible.
I don't understand why the Police would search you & your car for no good reason.
After all you were just "meeting " someone.
Did the Police say what you were doing that was suspicious?.
By the way did your "meet " turn up?."
..or did they go unlos? |
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By *JstarsoloWoman
over a year ago
Wombwell, Barnsley |
You were there to meet someone you'd been chatting to on line. There's nothing unusual in that in this day and age.
Where were you meeting? Was it a dogging spot? I feel there's more to the story.
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That's bad. I had arranged to meet up with a guy local. Said he'd be in silver Merc in car park. I was 5:mins late en route. He messaged me calling me a c*nt. I messaged him back saying I'd be 1 minute. When I got to car park, there were a couple of cars but no silver Merc. Got message asking if I was there so I said yes. Then white flat back pick up truck pulled in with 4 "travellers" types in. They all got out and walked towards wooded area. May have been a coincidence but glad I gave him wrong vehicle type for me. Just call it a sixth sense precaution. I'm sure I'd been set up for a beating and car jacking. Scared the bejesus out of me |
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By *ewisbi76Man
over a year ago
west edinburgh |
Some scary stories in this thread already. I saw another post yesterday on my update feed by someone local to me who had possessions taken during a meet.
There are definitely more than a few people out there who enjoy watching people turn up for meets where they go quiet at the last minute then you feel they're just sitting and watching you. This has happened to me at least 3 times.
Its frightening to think that could go a step further, but sometimes obviously it does.
I believe the OP, and i think thats a UK "swinging equivalent" to swatting that seems to be popular with internet trolls in the US |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
" I feel there's more to the story.
"
So do I, if this was on a public place and at a reasonable hour then the police need investigating.
If it was less public and judging by the time this was posted in the early hours of the morning, I'm not entirely sure the police did anything wrong.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's bad. I had arranged to meet up with a guy local. Said he'd be in silver Merc in car park. I was 5:mins late en route. He messaged me calling me a c*nt. I messaged him back saying I'd be 1 minute. When I got to car park, there were a couple of cars but no silver Merc. Got message asking if I was there so I said yes. Then white flat back pick up truck pulled in with 4 "travellers" types in. They all got out and walked towards wooded area. May have been a coincidence but glad I gave him wrong vehicle type for me. Just call it a sixth sense precaution. I'm sure I'd been set up for a beating and car jacking. Scared the bejesus out of me"
Omg this made my blood run cold  I think you had a very lucky escape
Mrs C |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It all depends on where the op was the police could deem them “acting suspicious “ as reason to search especially if they were being cagey about why there were there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are going to arrange a meeting make it in a bar / cafe. Get yourself a table order a drink and then if the person doesn't turn up, you don't look like someone out on a limb.
What happened to you was simply bad. The person who did this should be ashamed of themselves, but probably won't be as they most likely get a kick out of mucking folks about. |
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By *glyBettyTV/TS
over a year ago
About 3 feet away from the fence |
"That's bad. I had arranged to meet up with a guy local. Said he'd be in silver Merc in car park. I was 5:mins late en route. He messaged me calling me a c*nt. I messaged him back saying I'd be 1 minute. When I got to car park, there were a couple of cars but no silver Merc. Got message asking if I was there so I said yes. Then white flat back pick up truck pulled in with 4 "travellers" types in. They all got out and walked towards wooded area. May have been a coincidence but glad I gave him wrong vehicle type for me. Just call it a sixth sense precaution. I'm sure I'd been set up for a beating and car jacking. Scared the bejesus out of me
Omg this made my blood run cold I think you had a very lucky escape
Mrs C "
And unfortunately scenarios like that are not unheard of in the dogging/cruising scene. The people who are there to fuck are seen as easy targets by thieves & other delinquents.
Ive personally had to chin at least 2 people who have attempted to try and rob me at various cruising areas over the years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't want to comment one way or the other without more details OP.
What time of day / night was the meet?
What were the details of the meet location?
Those factors are going to be massive in deciding if the police actions were warranted or over the top.
Those details will also help other people falling into a solar trap.
I feel this couldn't have happened if you were meeting someone at a coffee shop and just got a cuppa and table to wait so maybe there's some lessons to learn.
Don't let this experience define swinging for you though OP use it as a step learning curve in terms of protecting yourself in the future.
There's some sick individuals out there and sadly on this site who get thier kicks messing with people.
KJ |
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Did the single or couple show up.
Had you spoken to them on mobile before meet.
Where and what time was the meet.
Did the couple or single show up and see their arranged meet being talked to by local police, think we would have made a quick exit too.
What was the location, a coffee shop or down some closed up industrial estate frequented by less savoury folk.
Loads and loads of gaps in your post.
Sad it went pear shaped but nothing to do with swinging or FAB as far as I can see.
Have you contacted the meet since. |
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I’d just like to clarify that I don’t find the police actions last night to be in any way inappropriate.
The officers in question spoke to me respectfully, explained why they were doing what they were doing and once I’d explained the situation were concerned for my own mental wellbeing as well.
The location was a medium sized car park in the middle of the small town of St Clears, there were other vehicles parked there and it’s near to a residential area. So I see no issue with the police making sure I hadn’t taken anything.
What has shaken me about the incident is that the person I was supposed to be meeting there may well have been the one that called the police as they arrived just as “she” was supposed to.
Yes, I was probably stupid for agreeing to meet there, but I believed it safer as it was well lit and public.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’d just like to clarify that I don’t find the police actions last night to be in any way inappropriate.
The officers in question spoke to me respectfully, explained why they were doing what they were doing and once I’d explained the situation were concerned for my own mental wellbeing as well.
The location was a medium sized car park in the middle of the small town of St Clears, there were other vehicles parked there and it’s near to a residential area. So I see no issue with the police making sure I hadn’t taken anything.
What has shaken me about the incident is that the person I was supposed to be meeting there may well have been the one that called the police as they arrived just as “she” was supposed to.
Yes, I was probably stupid for agreeing to meet there, but I believed it safer as it was well lit and public.
"
Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong so don't feel bad. You were already cautious and so arranged a public meeting place.
Hope you feel better.  |
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"I’d just like to clarify that I don’t find the police actions last night to be in any way inappropriate.
The officers in question spoke to me respectfully, explained why they were doing what they were doing and once I’d explained the situation were concerned for my own mental wellbeing as well.
The location was a medium sized car park in the middle of the small town of St Clears, there were other vehicles parked there and it’s near to a residential area. So I see no issue with the police making sure I hadn’t taken anything.
What has shaken me about the incident is that the person I was supposed to be meeting there may well have been the one that called the police as they arrived just as “she” was supposed to.
Yes, I was probably stupid for agreeing to meet there, but I believed it safer as it was well lit and public.
Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong so don't feel bad. You were already cautious and so arranged a public meeting place.
Hope you feel better. "
Thank you. After some sleep and a bit of introspection I’m feeling a little better and chalking it up as a lesson learned. I will definitely be taking more precautions with who, where and when I will arrange to meet anyone in future.
I do hope I can also serve as a cautionary tale for people.
And I have blocked and reported the profile in question, I shall be more wary of photo verified only profiles in future |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m sure there are fake accounts on here catfishing they prob thought it was a laugh to set you up like that (def not funny!)
You took the precaution of meeting publicly for your safety so you did the right thing just unfortunate that the person you were meeting did this
Rack it up as a bad experience and look forward to the next person you meet I’m sure it’s a one off  |
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"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity "
Chalk it up to experience.
From this, what would you do different next time.
If you really believe they called Police then maybe send a message to admin, don't want anyone else falling foul.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’d just like to clarify that I don’t find the police actions last night to be in any way inappropriate.
The officers in question spoke to me respectfully, explained why they were doing what they were doing and once I’d explained the situation were concerned for my own mental wellbeing as well.
The location was a medium sized car park in the middle of the small town of St Clears, there were other vehicles parked there and it’s near to a residential area. So I see no issue with the police making sure I hadn’t taken anything.
What has shaken me about the incident is that the person I was supposed to be meeting there may well have been the one that called the police as they arrived just as “she” was supposed to.
Yes, I was probably stupid for agreeing to meet there, but I believed it safer as it was well lit and public.
"
Could just have easily been a resident that reported you to police.... You said it was near a residential area. Just a thought. |
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"I’d just like to clarify that I don’t find the police actions last night to be in any way inappropriate.
The officers in question spoke to me respectfully, explained why they were doing what they were doing and once I’d explained the situation were concerned for my own mental wellbeing as well.
The location was a medium sized car park in the middle of the small town of St Clears, there were other vehicles parked there and it’s near to a residential area. So I see no issue with the police making sure I hadn’t taken anything.
What has shaken me about the incident is that the person I was supposed to be meeting there may well have been the one that called the police as they arrived just as “she” was supposed to.
Yes, I was probably stupid for agreeing to meet there, but I believed it safer as it was well lit and public.
Could just have easily been a resident that reported you to police.... You said it was near a residential area. Just a thought. "
That is a possibility, but looking back over the messages there was an awful lot of delaying and “I’ll be there in a minute “… then nothing after the police showed up until just after they left. The timing seems too convenient
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"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity
Chalk it up to experience.
From this, what would you do different next time.
If you really believe they called Police then maybe send a message to admin, don't want anyone else falling foul.
Good luck."
Number 1 will be no more late night meets with profiles with no meet verification. As for other things I will do differently, I’m still trying to clarify that in my mind.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m pretty sure that police can search on grounds of suspicion or person acting in a suspicious manner.
And if you have nothing to hide, let them. Better this than idiots caring knives etc!
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"I'm confused...so did you actually meet the person you were supposed to?
No, I believe it was them that called the police"
And as the police found nothing on you, then is this a case of them wasting police time? |
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By *atKat-xoxWoman
over a year ago
Neath,united kingdom |
Shocked that some people are accusing the OP of missing details out.
I know him very well, and he would never put anyone in danger or have any reason to be searched by the police. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Honestly feel if a woman was posting this some of the comments would be different. |
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"Shocked that some people are accusing the OP of missing details out.
I know him very well, and he would never put anyone in danger or have any reason to be searched by the police. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Honestly feel if a woman was posting this some of the comments would be different."
If it had been a woman making arrangements to meet someone in the wee small hours, I'd have had the same thoughts....I'd think perhaps a bit more due diligence would have been in order |
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"Some scary stories in this thread already. I saw another post yesterday on my update feed by someone local to me who had possessions taken during a meet.
There are definitely more than a few people out there who enjoy watching people turn up for meets where they go quiet at the last minute then you feel they're just sitting and watching you. This has happened to me at least 3 times.
Its frightening to think that could go a step further, but sometimes obviously it does.
I believe the OP, and i think thats a UK "swinging equivalent" to swatting that seems to be popular with internet trolls in the US "
One of the main reasons why I don't like accommodating strangers |
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By *ohn KanakaMan
over a year ago
Not all that North of North London |
"I’m pretty sure that police can search on grounds of suspicion or person acting in a suspicious manner.
They have to have 'reasonable grounds.'"
I think meeting someone in a carpark, not knowing where they live nor having a number for them (assumption there from some of the posts) and it being the early hours of the morning would be reasonable grounds. |
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"You were there to meet someone you'd been chatting to on line. There's nothing unusual in that in this day and age.
Where were you meeting? Was it a dogging spot? I feel there's more to the story.
"
I agree, this seems like its half a story. Who called the police, the person he was meant to meet or a random.. seems a bit odd |
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"You were there to meet someone you'd been chatting to on line. There's nothing unusual in that in this day and age.
Where were you meeting? Was it a dogging spot? I feel there's more to the story.
I agree, this seems like its half a story. Who called the police, the person he was meant to meet or a random.. seems a bit odd"
I’ve mentioned all of the details further in this thread, including who I believe to have called the police |
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As there seems to be a lot of people commenting about missing details etc. I would like to ask that people read the whole thread as it’s pretty much all in there.
As for what happened and it’s effects going forward, obviously I am being far more cautious in future with regards to where, when and most importantly WHO I meet and I believe others can take my experience as a lesson.
I’m not after pity or anything, I mainly want to inform people at this point.
Be careful… there are people out there that are actively seeking to deceive and potentially cause harm for no other reason than because they can |
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"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity
Chalk it up to experience.
From this, what would you do different next time.
If you really believe they called Police then maybe send a message to admin, don't want anyone else falling foul.
Good luck.
Number 1 will be no more late night meets with profiles with no meet verification. As for other things I will do differently, I’m still trying to clarify that in my mind.
"
Don't get too despondent.
Just think at least you have met the nasty wanker and they are out your way, never to cross your path again.
I do really think you should tell admin, no name and shame on here.
Why not look forward to summer and meet us in Barmouth at the nudist beach at Morfa Dyffryn (probably incorrect spelling) and see there are genuine folks out there.
We've had some great weekends in Barmouth and met quite a few from FAB.
Good luck, it's onward and upwards.  |
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"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity "
I would be suspicious that a single woman was happy to meet in a carpark in the middle of the night for "a quick hello" then take a male stranger back to her home |
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"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity
Chalk it up to experience.
From this, what would you do different next time.
If you really believe they called Police then maybe send a message to admin, don't want anyone else falling foul.
Good luck.
Number 1 will be no more late night meets with profiles with no meet verification. As for other things I will do differently, I’m still trying to clarify that in my mind.
Don't get too despondent.
Just think at least you have met the nasty wanker and they are out your way, never to cross your path again.
I do really think you should tell admin, no name and shame on here.
Why not look forward to summer and meet us in Barmouth at the nudist beach at Morfa Dyffryn (probably incorrect spelling) and see there are genuine folks out there.
We've had some great weekends in Barmouth and met quite a few from FAB.
Good luck, it's onward and upwards. "
Admin were informed and it appears that the profile in question may have disappeared.
I do know there are decent genuine folks here too, I’ve met some and am in contact with others.  |
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"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity
I would be suspicious that a single woman was happy to meet in a carpark in the middle of the night for "a quick hello" then take a male stranger back to her home"
I was suspicious, but guessed that it would end up being a no show at most. What actually happened wasn’t something I had considered at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity
Chalk it up to experience.
From this, what would you do different next time.
If you really believe they called Police then maybe send a message to admin, don't want anyone else falling foul.
Good luck.
Number 1 will be no more late night meets with profiles with no meet verification. As for other things I will do differently, I’m still trying to clarify that in my mind.
Don't get too despondent.
Just think at least you have met the nasty wanker and they are out your way, never to cross your path again.
I do really think you should tell admin, no name and shame on here.
Why not look forward to summer and meet us in Barmouth at the nudist beach at Morfa Dyffryn (probably incorrect spelling) and see there are genuine folks out there.
We've had some great weekends in Barmouth and met quite a few from FAB.
Good luck, it's onward and upwards. "
What do you suppose Admin would do?  |
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"I’d just like to clarify that I don’t find the police actions last night to be in any way inappropriate.
The officers in question spoke to me respectfully, explained why they were doing what they were doing and once I’d explained the situation were concerned for my own mental wellbeing as well.
The location was a medium sized car park in the middle of the small town of St Clears, there were other vehicles parked there and it’s near to a residential area. So I see no issue with the police making sure I hadn’t taken anything.
What has shaken me about the incident is that the person I was supposed to be meeting there may well have been the one that called the police as they arrived just as “she” was supposed to.
Yes, I was probably stupid for agreeing to meet there, but I believed it safer as it was well lit and public.
"
Did you actually speak to her on the phone? Or via face time, there are some strange people out there. Also some couples profiles the female doesn’t even exist! Put a list of things that you will need before any future meets, make sure you meet in a cafe, pub where people can see you etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
What do you suppose Admin would do? "
Admin could have received other reports about the profile.
Surely better to let them know rather than doing nothing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
What do you suppose Admin would do?
Admin could have received other reports about the profile.
Surely better to let them know rather than doing nothing?"
True, but what can they do about it? Nothing I suspect.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
What do you suppose Admin would do?
Admin could have received other reports about the profile.
Surely better to let them know rather than doing nothing?
True, but what can they do about it? Nothing I suspect. "
I usually find that if you report a profile then the admin just block you from seeing the profile without actually doing anything else. |
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"
What do you suppose Admin would do?
Admin could have received other reports about the profile.
Surely better to let them know rather than doing nothing?
True, but what can they do about it? Nothing I suspect.
I usually find that if you report a profile then the admin just block you from seeing the profile without actually doing anything else. "
Wish the normal block button do the same but apparently it doesn't. Plus wish we had a block option where any further accounts they create also gets automatically blocked like other social media apps offer. Security definitely needs improving on this site.  |
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"
What do you suppose Admin would do?
Admin could have received other reports about the profile.
Surely better to let them know rather than doing nothing?"
I think all the op could report the profile for is arranging to meet and being a no show |
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"Shocked that some people are accusing the OP of missing details out.
I know him very well, and he would never put anyone in danger or have any reason to be searched by the police. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Honestly feel if a woman was posting this some of the comments would be different."
Agreed.the OP asked for advice, not for judgement. Sorry this happened to you buddy! Some people are just assholes! My advice is just move on quickly from it.
Maybe meet at a coffee shop next time
Or somewhere like a bar or even an amusement park or a shopping centre.
Sounds like you did nothing wrong and the police actually had no right to search you or your car.they will have been polite and Courteous as you were doing the same and you could have stopped the search at any time.
Stay safe out there!!! Report the woman too! |
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"It also was going to be a quick hello and then move on to her place from there, so no public activity
Chalk it up to experience.
From this, what would you do different next time.
If you really believe they called Police then maybe send a message to admin, don't want anyone else falling foul.
Good luck.
Number 1 will be no more late night meets with profiles with no meet verification. As for other things I will do differently, I’m still trying to clarify that in my mind.
Don't get too despondent.
Just think at least you have met the nasty wanker and they are out your way, never to cross your path again.
I do really think you should tell admin, no name and shame on here.
Why not look forward to summer and meet us in Barmouth at the nudist beach at Morfa Dyffryn (probably incorrect spelling) and see there are genuine folks out there.
We've had some great weekends in Barmouth and met quite a few from FAB.
Good luck, it's onward and upwards.
What do you suppose Admin would do? "
I have no idea what admin would do but at least they have been informed of an unsubstantiated, unsavoury incident originating from a FAB contact.
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"Next time arrange to meet in a coffee shop or bar  "
This!!
Then need to value their own personal safety as much as women. If a guy suggested I met him in a car park in the dark I would run a mile.
If they're normal genuine people they will have no problem with meeting you in a bar/cafe/park in the daylight.
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By *yphodMan
over a year ago
London |
Had similar. Arranged to meet at Abbey Road. Got there and could not see the woman from the photos. Texted her she said to raise my hand. Myself and about 4 other guys raised their hands. Then got a text saying we were all the spawn of the devil and we were on one of the most popular web cams in London.
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"Had similar. Arranged to meet at Abbey Road. Got there and could not see the woman from the photos. Texted her she said to raise my hand. Myself and about 4 other guys raised their hands. Then got a text saying we were all the spawn of the devil and we were on one of the most popular web cams in London.
"
And a still photo from the CCTV was used as an album cover ? |
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"Had similar. Arranged to meet at Abbey Road. Got there and could not see the woman from the photos. Texted her she said to raise my hand. Myself and about 4 other guys raised their hands. Then got a text saying we were all the spawn of the devil and we were on one of the most popular web cams in London."
She managed to text 4 guys at the same time to raise their hands at the same time? That's impressive. |
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