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Swinging and Autism, Part 3
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard." Love this!  | |||
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"Cheers for continuing this As per previous thread I continued Part 1 : https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1346028 Part 2: https://fabswingers.com/forum/support/1369444 Original thread credit to : newtothis2001" Thanks for adding that | |||
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"Favourite crap includes: "We're all a little bit autistic / on the spectrum ..." "You don't look autistic ..." "Why do you need a label?" " "Autism is just a trend these days" "So, are you like Rain Man?" "But you're making eye-contact." | |||
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"Plus media stereotypes are another grumble... Starting with Rain Man and going through to Attorney Woo -- nearly every character ever portrayed as on the spectrum has to have a savant-level superpower combined with obviously odd behaviour. The only one I think comes close is the detective from The Bridge (her name will depend on which country's version), and even she is a little off. No wonder so many NDs get challenged about their diagnosis." The imitation Game springs to mind as well, great film. | |||
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"Starting with Rain Man and going through to Attorney Woo -- nearly every character ever portrayed as on the spectrum has to have a savant-level superpower combined with obviously odd behaviour." Soooo true! Many NTs have been really confused when I haven't celebrated their favourite "autistic character." Because, you know, stereotypes and all that. Don't get me started on The Giod Doctor! Someone even said to be, "But representation has to be a good thing!" I replied that Misrepresentation is all I was seeing. | |||
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"Favourite crap includes: "We're all a little bit autistic / on the spectrum ..." "You don't look autistic ..." "Why do you need a label?" " I raise you "Have you tried not thinking about it so much" - my old manager And "Do you have a card to prove it" "I might tell people I'm autistic, seems a great excuse to say you can't do things and get your Mrs to deal instead" Both from a security guard at the passport office when I explained why I was being accompanied to the appointment | |||
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"Good to see this one continue. Has anybody done an online questionnaire lately to self-assess? I did about six of them last week. Ranging from Aspergers to dyscalculia. One question really irked me and that was the one, that asked if I enjoyed cycling and dancing (Dyspraxia I think). That's two question rolled into one with two completely different answers. I don't like dancing, I do like cycling. Dancing requires co-ordination and the ability to relax, balance and rhythm. I don't have these skills. I feel a lot more relaxed, leaning over the handle bars climbing. Questions like this just need removing, as we are trying to remove the confusion not add to it. " How do you find cycling, I've ridden all my life but my handling skills are pretty average. I've also realised that the creasing I like being at the back of a group is because of sensory overload if there's too many conversations goung on (figured that one out quite recently with with group runs!) | |||
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"Sorry I'm not really clued up. But how would it affect one in terms of swinging? " We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward! | |||
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"Favourite crap includes: "We're all a little bit autistic / on the spectrum ..." "You don't look autistic ..." "Why do you need a label?" Your last 2 posts on the other thread were spot on! Twice this week I've had well we all do that! Ffs nope n nope! Not everyone does that and if you're doing to the same extent then maybe you are neurodivergent yourself pfft. " | |||
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"Favourite crap includes: "We're all a little bit autistic / on the spectrum ..." "You don't look autistic ..." "Why do you need a label?" I raise you "Have you tried not thinking about it so much" - my old manager And "Do you have a card to prove it" "I might tell people I'm autistic, seems a great excuse to say you can't do things and get your Mrs to deal instead" Both from a security guard at the passport office when I explained why I was being accompanied to the appointment " You'd have thought they had to go through some sort of customer care training...Who am I kidding? | |||
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"Favourite crap includes: "We're all a little bit autistic / on the spectrum ..." "You don't look autistic ..." "Why do you need a label?" I raise you "Have you tried not thinking about it so much" - my old manager And "Do you have a card to prove it" "I might tell people I'm autistic, seems a great excuse to say you can't do things and get your Mrs to deal instead" Both from a security guard at the passport office when I explained why I was being accompanied to the appointment You'd have thought they had to go through some sort of customer care training...Who am I kidding?" In fairness the colleague who we complained to was mortified and so apologetic but yeah, basic rule of a public facing role, dont belittle the public! That one upset me a lot as it was the first time I'd asked for help anywhere other than my job (who bullied me out) and I was convinced all of ger was doors shutting in my face! | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism?" Never been diagnosed with hyper sexuality , But can be extremely impulsive when I'm in the mood . On a high sex drive day this can be doing something sexual with my partner upto between 5 - 7 times in a day I may only cum 3 times but after that it's about the feelings of pleasure and that desire. | |||
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"Good to see this one continue. Has anybody done an online questionnaire lately to self-assess? I did about six of them last week. Ranging from Aspergers to dyscalculia. One question really irked me and that was the one, that asked if I enjoyed cycling and dancing (Dyspraxia I think). That's two question rolled into one with two completely different answers. I don't like dancing, I do like cycling. Dancing requires co-ordination and the ability to relax, balance and rhythm. I don't have these skills. I feel a lot more relaxed, leaning over the handle bars climbing. Questions like this just need removing, as we are trying to remove the confusion not add to it. How do you find cycling, I've ridden all my life but my handling skills are pretty average. I've also realised that the creasing I like being at the back of a group is because of sensory overload if there's too many conversations goung on (figured that one out quite recently with with group runs!)" I love the hills, I'm a climber and dancing-on-the-pedals is so natural for me. It's the descents that get me. I go from Scrappy Doo, to Scooby Doo, as soon as I crest the hill. As for riding in groups, talking to others is fine: I can only talk when my HR is under 153 bpm. After that dysfunctional breathing kicks in and emulates exercised induced asthma. Talking in loud pubs/cafes and competing against the background noise is harder. I'm too distracted, but what's going on. This is a massive clue. Noise sensitivity. I am the sort of sleeper who needs ear plugs and can't sleep with anyone who snores, my brain won't allow me to switch off. | |||
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"Sorry I'm not really clued up. But how would it affect one in terms of swinging? " Confidence, talking to new people in a noisy bar will over stimulate the senses and cause distress. It might not be visible, but it's happening. Try this analogy: how do you feel when you've got the hangover from hell/morning sickness/man flu etc. The feeling that, normal everyday things are making you frustrated sore eyes, head and stomach and tired very easily. These are not the same symptoms, but the discomfort is the same. Try being sexy when you're close to throwing up. Extreme, but that's how stage fright stifles a potentially great night in a club. If it's sunny I wear sun glasses and I can relax, no eye strain, no problem! That's my way of protecting my eyes from over stimulation. | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism? Never been diagnosed with hyper sexuality , But can be extremely impulsive when I'm in the mood . On a high sex drive day this can be doing something sexual with my partner upto between 5 - 7 times in a day I may only cum 3 times but after that it's about the feelings of pleasure and that desire." Good old adhd for ya! Always chasing that dopamine hit - Sex Smoking Alcohol Illegal drugs Gambling Spending Food Whatever makes the individual feel good and gives them that buzz add it to the list. | |||
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"We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward!" Personally I'm not that awkward in everyday conversation, but I can become awkward in large social groups where I don't know anyone -- although not drinking alcohol doesn't help things. It's not like feeling shy or inadequate though -- it's more like being on the outside and looking in. Like I'm in one world, while everyone else is in another. | |||
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"Good old adhd for ya! Always chasing that dopamine hit - Sex Smoking Alcohol Illegal drugs Gambling Spending Food Whatever makes the individual feel good and gives them that buzz add it to the list. " I actually explained this and will be reconfirming this when I go back for adhd meds again. Need something to hit that dopamine need .. think I could very easily partake in risk because of needing that hit | |||
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"We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward! Personally I'm not that awkward in everyday conversation, but I can become awkward in large social groups where I don't know anyone -- although not drinking alcohol doesn't help things. It's not like feeling shy or inadequate though -- it's more like being on the outside and looking in. Like I'm in one world, while everyone else is in another. " For me the social is very weird I can massively struggle if I have to initiate a conversation and get things flowing however if someone takes the lead of that conversation then I can never shut up and do the usual oversharing XD | |||
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"We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward! Personally I'm not that awkward in everyday conversation, but I can become awkward in large social groups where I don't know anyone -- although not drinking alcohol doesn't help things. It's not like feeling shy or inadequate though -- it's more like being on the outside and looking in. Like I'm in one world, while everyone else is in another. " This really makes answering this question quite difficult: does she-fancy-me-and-wants-to-play? Or is this as far as it goes and she's purely flirting and enjoying the social side of things? This is how I see it from my perspective. | |||
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"I don't really identify with generally accepted symptoms at all. Mainly because they very much describe the male presentation despite it tending to manifest very differently in women, but also because it seems to just be a list of undesirable features as observed by neurotypicals. Example, diagnostic tests use lack of imagination as a criterion yet many young autistic girls have very rich inner worlds. Maybe boys do too, I don't know." Would be very interested to hear your side of the symptoms and what issues cause problems ect , And think we all need to band together as it very much seems that we have undesirable traits to nt's | |||
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"This really makes answering this question quite difficult: does she-fancy-me-and-wants-to-play? Or is this as far as it goes and she's purely flirting and enjoying the social side of things?" I posted this before, but I once literally had a girl sit next to me, tell me she fancied me to my face -- and, in spite of the obviousness, I still failed to get the hint. I've also had similar situations (more than once) when a girl has said "I'm horny", and I've still failed to work out whether she's just speaking her mind, or dropping me a hint. 
That isn't so much awkwardness in me though, it's just my complete failure to read what's going on, even when it's obvious. | |||
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" That isn't so much awkwardness in me though, it's just my complete failure to read what's going on, even when it's obvious. " This perfectly describes how my ND affects me. | |||
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"We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward! Personally I'm not that awkward in everyday conversation, but I can become awkward in large social groups where I don't know anyone -- although not drinking alcohol doesn't help things. It's not like feeling shy or inadequate though -- it's more like being on the outside and looking in. Like I'm in one world, while everyone else is in another. " Oh my. This is why I love it when us wonky brainers get to share our experiences amongst ourselves. I could have written this word for word and that's so powerful when you go through life feeling like a cuckoo in the nest. As you say, it isn't shyness, I imagine shyness feels painful or uncomfortable. I would liken that "outside looking in" feeling almost to an out of body experience or mild dissociation. Not unpleasant. | |||
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"Good to see this one continue. Has anybody done an online questionnaire lately to self-assess? I did about six of them last week. Ranging from Aspergers to dyscalculia. One question really irked me and that was the one, that asked if I enjoyed cycling and dancing (Dyspraxia I think). That's two question rolled into one with two completely different answers. I don't like dancing, I do like cycling. Dancing requires co-ordination and the ability to relax, balance and rhythm. I don't have these skills. I feel a lot more relaxed, leaning over the handle bars climbing. Questions like this just need removing, as we are trying to remove the confusion not add to it. " They are perhaps asking for a specific reason. Both require balance and coordination. Dancing also requires social skills that those with ASD may struggle with. Dyspraxia usually displays as a lack of coordination but Fragile X is a chromosome disorder which also displays similar symptoms. | |||
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"Good old adhd for ya! Always chasing that dopamine hit - Sex Smoking Alcohol Illegal drugs Gambling Spending Food Whatever makes the individual feel good and gives them that buzz add it to the list. I actually explained this and will be reconfirming this when I go back for adhd meds again. Need something to hit that dopamine need .. think I could very easily partake in risk because of needing that hit" I'm assuming the meds didn't help at all? Maybe you need a higher dose or need to switch to different medication. Keep going until you feel happy with your treatment. | |||
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" That isn't so much awkwardness in me though, it's just my complete failure to read what's going on, even when it's obvious. This perfectly describes how my ND affects me." Same here. This is why my gloves work for me, I offer to give her a massage she says yes, then I as "May I?" when I want to play with her feet or boobs, bum etc. "Yes" means go for it. "No" means no. Simples: I like clear answers like that. Smiles, winks and groans are far too vague at the best of times, let alone those of us who struggle to read really subtle body language, often in a low lit and noisy club. This requires a very clear yes or no response, which make it clear to me where the boundaries are and this removes any awkwardness and any doubts. Clarity is key here. I | |||
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"Good old adhd for ya! Always chasing that dopamine hit - Sex Smoking Alcohol Illegal drugs Gambling Spending Food Whatever makes the individual feel good and gives them that buzz add it to the list. I actually explained this and will be reconfirming this when I go back for adhd meds again. Need something to hit that dopamine need .. think I could very easily partake in risk because of needing that hit I'm assuming the meds didn't help at all? Maybe you need a higher dose or need to switch to different medication. Keep going until you feel happy with your treatment. " For me fortunately I have the diagnosis otherwise enjoy the 18 + month waiting list , This is not something also you can go to your gp for , The medication for adhd is basically medicated speed, or in the USA ketamine (think thats the one) as far as I remember it's because your frontal cortex under performs so you give it stimulates So you have to be prescribed by someone who specialises in that area and only they can prescribe & change doseage | |||
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"Good old adhd for ya! Always chasing that dopamine hit - Sex Smoking Alcohol Illegal drugs Gambling Spending Food Whatever makes the individual feel good and gives them that buzz add it to the list. I actually explained this and will be reconfirming this when I go back for adhd meds again. Need something to hit that dopamine need .. think I could very easily partake in risk because of needing that hit I'm assuming the meds didn't help at all? Maybe you need a higher dose or need to switch to different medication. Keep going until you feel happy with your treatment. For me fortunately I have the diagnosis otherwise enjoy the 18 + month waiting list , This is not something also you can go to your gp for , The medication for adhd is basically medicated speed, or in the USA ketamine (think thats the one) as far as I remember it's because your frontal cortex under performs so you give it stimulates So you have to be prescribed by someone who specialises in that area and only they can prescribe & change doseage" Yeah it can be a nightmare if you're discharged from the service then need a meds review but the specialists can titrate medication if it's not working for you. | |||
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"It's like we've been given the wrong script and every else is reading from the correct ones." In our defence I'd say the opposite. I think Hannah Gadsby said it best, when she described it as being the only sober person in a room full of d*unks. | |||
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"I'm curious about other interests you guys may have, we all know we've got one thing in common in some shape or form "My main interests is gaming I do a lot of simulation car racing , Like my music and going to events , went to defqon 1 earlier this year which is a huge rave event in Holland. | |||
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"It's like we've been given the wrong script and every else is reading from the correct ones.In our defence I'd say the opposite. I think Hannah Gadsby said it best, when she described it as being the only sober person in a room full of d*unks. "Exactly! | |||
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"We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward! Personally I'm not that awkward in everyday conversation, but I can become awkward in large social groups where I don't know anyone -- although not drinking alcohol doesn't help things. It's not like feeling shy or inadequate though -- it's more like being on the outside and looking in. Like I'm in one world, while everyone else is in another. Oh my. This is why I love it when us wonky brainers get to share our experiences amongst ourselves. I could have written this word for word and that's so powerful when you go through life feeling like a cuckoo in the nest. As you say, it isn't shyness, I imagine shyness feels painful or uncomfortable. I would liken that "outside looking in" feeling almost to an out of body experience or mild dissociation. Not unpleasant." Being in the outside looking in is lonely if you don't have other places of safety and acceptance. I developed extreme shyness as a teenager due to always getting the social stuff wrong. Shyness is ultimately fear of being judged and when you get told that you're "wrong" enough times you begin to dread any occasion where there's a possibility you might be found lacking. Nell | |||
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"I'm curious about other interests you guys may have, we all know we've got one thing in common in some shape or form "For me (Jack): BDSM Shibari Reading Writing Rubik's Cubes Memory Card games and Alice's bum! ?? | |||
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"I'm curious about other interests you guys may have, we all know we've got one thing in common in some shape or form "I love live music, I don't have to interact with anyone and can be anonymous and invisible. I read an awful lot too! | |||
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"Being in the outside looking in is lonely if you don't have other places of safety and acceptance. I developed extreme shyness as a teenager due to always getting the social stuff wrong. Shyness is ultimately fear of being judged and when you get told that you're "wrong" enough times you begin to dread any occasion where there's a possibility you might be found lacking. Nell" The loneliness is defiantly something that isn't often mentioned or talked about. For myself it's a huge thing , think this is why I have tried to be on here and fill that hole  | |||
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"We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward! Personally I'm not that awkward in everyday conversation, but I can become awkward in large social groups where I don't know anyone -- although not drinking alcohol doesn't help things. It's not like feeling shy or inadequate though -- it's more like being on the outside and looking in. Like I'm in one world, while everyone else is in another. " This sun's it up so well. The second paragraph in particular, the feeling of not belonging and not understanding whst is goung on is so difficult to understand. | |||
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"Nice Dolan. Was it hand built?" No it's a carbon one, I have spoke to them about Terry building me a steel frame but he only builds a handful abd they aren't cheap! | |||
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"I'm curious about other interests you guys may have, we all know we've got one thing in common in some shape or form "I run, I ride bikes, I like being alone and outdoors. But I'm also a recovered alcoholic so I need to train to avoid slipping back to boozing. I used to love live music but I go to less gigs now, I find it overwhelming being in crowds, the gigs are okay it's the pre gig and inbetween bands I struggle with. | |||
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"Being in the outside looking in is lonely if you don't have other places of safety and acceptance. I developed extreme shyness as a teenager due to always getting the social stuff wrong. Shyness is ultimately fear of being judged and when you get told that you're "wrong" enough times you begin to dread any occasion where there's a possibility you might be found lacking. Nell The loneliness is defiantly something that isn't often mentioned or talked about. For myself it's a huge thing , think this is why I have tried to be on here and fill that hole "Yes the loneliness I have felt over the years is huge, I hate it. I'd love to have more friends and understand the dynamics of friendships rather than always been in the periphery. I watch my partner and see how easy she finds it to strike up a conversation and I can't do that and I'll bever be able to do it and I hate that. That said I've made more budding friendships in the last 6 months since my diagnosis and since being so opem about being so ill than I had on the previous 50 years. But I'm not sure the people I chat to intermittently know how much thst contact means to me | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD?" Yes. 1000% yes. | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD?" Yes. However, they can also co-exist. | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD?" There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other " Thanks. It's just I have a friend who's certainly ND but I'm still trying to get a handle on how best to relate to her! I think she'd deny being either though. So I'm not saying a thing! | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other " What can that look like? | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other What can that look like?" Like me XD. | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD?" Personally I find it impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Only a decade or so ago, experts thought you couldn't have both. Now it's recognised they're closely linked and some think possibly even different sides of the same condition. | |||
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"Music seems to be a common theme! I love music too, all kinds of music. We've been talking about maybe going to a festival next year but not sure where to start. " What type of music and what festival would u think ... Would not recommend reading and Leeds looked an absolute shit show this year | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? Personally I find it impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Only a decade or so ago, experts thought you couldn't have both. Now it's recognised they're closely linked and some think possibly even different sides of the same condition." My best friend is ADHD, we jokingly compare symptoms. Its weird because we have so many similarities but also huge differences. I'm glad I don't have to deal with both conditions, I dreadvto think how exhausting thst conflict may be! | |||
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"Sorry I'm not really clued up. But how would it affect one in terms of swinging? We're not great at communicating and don't always understand social cues and norms. In short we're a bit awkward!" Me too  | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other What can that look like?" A minefield! For example needing routine but also wanting to be spontaneous. Struggling to socialise but love being around people. Just a walking contradiction at times. | |||
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard." Thankyou for doing this . If i could be honest i feel a horrible person because i prefer fun more than a relationship , I’m not sure if i’m Scared of commitment or is it because of having Aspergers ? | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other What can that look like?" ASD: I have to follow a clear routine to complete tasks ADHD: I'm too disorganised to construct a routine Reality: I'm going to spend all day inside not achieving a thing because I don't have a fucking clue what I'm meant to be doing or how to do it ASD: I don't know how to read people ADHD: I'm impulsive and full of thoughts Reality: I just monologued at a virtual stranger about a completely obscure subject they have no interest in for 20 minutes without taking a breath | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other What can that look like? A minefield! For example needing routine but also wanting to be spontaneous. Struggling to socialise but love being around people. Just a walking contradiction at times. " This is sounding very familiar! | |||
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"Music seems to be a common theme! I love music too, all kinds of music. We've been talking about maybe going to a festival next year but not sure where to start. What type of music and what festival would u think ... Would not recommend reading and Leeds looked an absolute shit show this year" Oh gosh I don't know we haven't really discussed it properly yet. He suggested reading and Leeds though haha. | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? Personally I find it impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Only a decade or so ago, experts thought you couldn't have both. Now it's recognised they're closely linked and some think possibly even different sides of the same condition. My best friend is ADHD, we jokingly compare symptoms. Its weird because we have so many similarities but also huge differences. I'm glad I don't have to deal with both conditions, I dreadvto think how exhausting thst conflict may be!" Can you explain a bit more? | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? There is defiantly overlap but they have distinct issues too ... problem with adhd + autism is they are co-morbid and often fight each other What can that look like? ASD: I have to follow a clear routine to complete tasks ADHD: I'm too disorganised to construct a routine Reality: I'm going to spend all day inside not achieving a thing because I don't have a fucking clue what I'm meant to be doing or how to do it ASD: I don't know how to read people ADHD: I'm impulsive and full of thoughts Reality: I just monologued at a virtual stranger about a completely obscure subject they have no interest in for 20 minutes without taking a breath " That's helpful thanks. | |||
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"Music seems to be a common theme! I love music too, all kinds of music. We've been talking about maybe going to a festival next year but not sure where to start. What type of music and what festival would u think ... Would not recommend reading and Leeds looked an absolute shit show this year Oh gosh I don't know we haven't really discussed it properly yet. He suggested reading and Leeds though haha." Look up the videos last day peopled tents were getting set alight camp site had a piss bottle throwing war , there was loads of underage got in , was a right mess | |||
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard. Thankyou for doing this . If i could be honest i feel a horrible person because i prefer fun more than a relationship , I’m not sure if i’m Scared of commitment or is it because of having Aspergers ? " Why does that make you a horrible person? As long as you find people who are looking for the same it shouldn't be an issue. It could be due to either but I think only you could answer that question. | |||
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"Music seems to be a common theme! I love music too, all kinds of music. We've been talking about maybe going to a festival next year but not sure where to start. What type of music and what festival would u think ... Would not recommend reading and Leeds looked an absolute shit show this year Oh gosh I don't know we haven't really discussed it properly yet. He suggested reading and Leeds though haha. Look up the videos last day peopled tents were getting set alight camp site had a piss bottle throwing war , there was loads of underage got in , was a right mess" Ew that's grim! Think we'll give that a miss  | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism?" I feel that this is more like a special interest with me, as my interest and pleasure in sex is based on being totally focused and in sync with my partner. It doesn't transfer to any other partners, unless my partner is involved and finds it a turn-on too. For a partner who loves the attention, the intense focus can be awesome. | |||
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard. Thankyou for doing this . If i could be honest i feel a horrible person because i prefer fun more than a relationship , I’m not sure if i’m Scared of commitment or is it because of having Aspergers ? Why does that make you a horrible person? As long as you find people who are looking for the same it shouldn't be an issue. It could be due to either but I think only you could answer that question." I want it all the time & I completely love it , the closeness, cuddles . | |||
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"I'm curious about other interests you guys may have, we all know we've got one thing in common in some shape or form
For me (Jack):
BDSM
Shibari
Reading
Writing
Rubik's Cubes
Memory
Card games
and Alice's bum! ??"Shibari intrigues me! I might have partake some day. Alice does have a lovely bum | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism? I feel that this is more like a special interest with me, as my interest and pleasure in sex is based on being totally focused and in sync with my partner. It doesn't transfer to any other partners, unless my partner is involved and finds it a turn-on too. For a partner who loves the attention, the intense focus can be awesome." Omg yes that intense focus, when I'm with a lady and we are having fun, for me I love to find out what gets them going the most what gives them the best pleasure. I love to Try and make who I'm with multiple orgasm, I completely lose myself in the moment and Lose myself completely in the pleasure of giving them pleasure | |||
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard. Thankyou for doing this . If i could be honest i feel a horrible person because i prefer fun more than a relationship , I’m not sure if i’m Scared of commitment or is it because of having Aspergers ? Why does that make you a horrible person? As long as you find people who are looking for the same it shouldn't be an issue. It could be due to either but I think only you could answer that question. I want it all the time & I completely love it , the closeness, cuddles . " Ahh with the same person? I could see how that could be a problem. | |||
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"Shibari intrigues me! I might have partake some day. Alice does have a lovely bum :p" I'll let her know!
My interest in it started as a restraint thing, then other kink. Now, I sometimes just enjoy it in a completely non-sexual sensory way.
If I've ever got a whole free day to myself, I sometimes sit there just tying knots. It's very satisfying! | |||
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard. Thankyou for doing this . If i could be honest i feel a horrible person because i prefer fun more than a relationship , I’m not sure if i’m Scared of commitment or is it because of having Aspergers ? Why does that make you a horrible person? As long as you find people who are looking for the same it shouldn't be an issue. It could be due to either but I think only you could answer that question. I want it all the time & I completely love it , the closeness, cuddles . " Doesn't make you a bad person at all. Plenty of people on here prefer a FWB situation. Intimacy is important, even for the perpetually single. | |||
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"Having read all these posts I'm now starting to wonder about me, a lot of what's been said rings true with me. I just thought that I'd never learnt the social cues stuff which was why I find large social groups intimidating. So yes to not liking large loud groups due the the noise, (although I can find barking dogs do the same depending on volume and pitch). Inability to read cues (sexual or or not). Feeling that I'm looking in rather than being involved in, an outsider so to speak. Very comfortable with my own company but often feel loneliness intensely. Strangely though most of this seems to have occurred or started post 40's so perhaps it's something else " Not necessarily it depends how well you have been able to cope and mask in the past , mine has been worse last few years after I had a breakup after 6 year relationship and then work issues and such | |||
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"It's like we've been given the wrong script and every else is reading from the correct ones.In our defence I'd say the opposite. I think Hannah Gadsby said it best, when she described it as being the only sober person in a room full of d*unks. "That just about sums up Gregory House MD | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? Yes. However, they can also co-exist." Yes. Just like dust allergy and hay fever. Both can exist during the warm months, but only one disappears when the seasons change. Dysfunctional breathing and exercised induced asthma have been confused with each other. I should know. Only took 30 odd years. If you feel your diagnosis is wrong, keep banging on and say so. It will take years to reset their opinion of your health. I owe a lot to an asthma nurse who listened to me after reading my STRAVA metrics and my peak flow reading were quite good. I never tried to measure my breathing under duress, doh! 650 litres per min at rest and 600 at full speed up hill. For a while I was the 4th fastest overall for that 38 second climb on STRAVA's website. You don't do that without Turns out my abdomen is to blame, so it's going to take years to retrain that one to rise and fall slower BUT deeper. Why am I digressing and going off topic? Because I want to give people the confidence to trust their instinct and tell the experts that they are wrong and never give up trying to get the treatment that works. You deserve the correct diagnosis and don't settle for a brush off. Get external questionnaires printed off, because doctors love papers and other expert's. Patients' views are low down on the value chart. | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? Personally I find it impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Only a decade or so ago, experts thought you couldn't have both. Now it's recognised they're closely linked and some think possibly even different sides of the same condition." Venn diagram or one coin: two sides? Makes a huge difference. | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism? I feel that this is more like a special interest with me, as my interest and pleasure in sex is based on being totally focused and in sync with my partner. It doesn't transfer to any other partners, unless my partner is involved and finds it a turn-on too. For a partner who loves the attention, the intense focus can be awesome. Omg yes that intense focus, when I'm with a lady and we are having fun, for me I love to find out what gets them going the most what gives them the best pleasure. I love to Try and make who I'm with multiple orgasm, I completely lose myself in the moment and Lose myself completely in the pleasure of giving them pleasure " Wonderful. This is swinging; giving pleasure to people and feeling great about it. | |||
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"We've allready hit over half thread capacity in one afternoon FFS XD glad to see the engagement." This needs to grow into it's own section. | |||
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" Wonderful. This is swinging; giving pleasure to people and feeling great about it." I'd love to be able to do this bit have yet to find a valid meet of mutual interest in my area (Yes I have a veri no it's not from a mutual meet see previous threads) | |||
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"What's stopping you from arranging a social? Just keep it to a group of six that should be easier to arrange?" Have put up about trying to have a social even asked for general messages to no replies | |||
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"What's stopping you from arranging a social? Just keep it to a group of six that should be easier to arrange? Have put up about trying to have a social even asked for general messages to no replies " Socials are difficult granted. But the fact that I've been busy on this thread and others too, means you've hit a nerve. So why not start a thread that asks this question Are you neuro-diverse? If yes please: tell us about it if no: sorry, this isn't the thread you're looking for. Get a following and aim for an online audience/clan. | |||
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"What's stopping you from arranging a social? Just keep it to a group of six that should be easier to arrange? Have put up about trying to have a social even asked for general messages to no replies Socials are difficult granted. But the fact that I've been busy on this thread and others too, means you've hit a nerve. So why not start a thread that asks this question Are you neuro-diverse? If yes please: tell us about it if no: sorry, this isn't the thread you're looking for. Get a following and aim for an online audience/clan. " Sorry I'm very confused at this response, I have just changed name from 4everhorny but I started the 2nd thread and have been active commenting in all 3  | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? Personally I find it impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Only a decade or so ago, experts thought you couldn't have both. Now it's recognised they're closely linked and some think possibly even different sides of the same condition. Venn diagram or one coin: two sides? Makes a huge difference." My understanding is most researchers currently support a venn-type crossover. A smaller number argue for a one coin/two sides relationship. At this stage their perspective is more conceptual and doesn't have the most rigorous of empirical support - but - that's standard for any emerging area of knowledge, right? It's definitely interesting how our understanding evolves (but a shame it all seems to fly over most heads in the NHS) | |||
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"What's stopping you from arranging a social? Just keep it to a group of six that should be easier to arrange? Have put up about trying to have a social even asked for general messages to no replies Socials are difficult granted. But the fact that I've been busy on this thread and others too, means you've hit a nerve. So why not start a thread that asks this question Are you neuro-diverse? If yes please: tell us about it if no: sorry, this isn't the thread you're looking for. Get a following and aim for an online audience/clan. Sorry I'm very confused at this response, I have just changed name from 4everhorny but I started the 2nd thread and have been active commenting in all 3 "That's fine, spinning plates is not my forte either. What I want to say is: you've stirred up a hornet's nest of frustration and dialogue. We need a corner where only ND people can comment and add to the collect experience. I don't comment on US based forums, cos I don't live their and have zero to offer on that one. | |||
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"We've allready hit over half thread capacity in one afternoon FFS XD glad to see the engagement. This needs to grow into it's own section." Agreed. Even if it's broadened to ND and not just autism, there's clearly enough of us. | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC." Epilepsy/seizures Sleep disorders/disturbance ADHD Gastrointestinal disorders Feeding/eating challenges Obesity Anxiety Depression Bipolar disorder Apparently are common Sleep problems check Adhd check Stomach issues check Issues with unde/overeating and endulging wrong food and drink check Anxiety check Depression check | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC." I've always thought that co-morbidities is an awful phrase. | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC. I've always thought that co-morbidities is an awful phrase. " Sounds like two deaths doesn't it. Two conditions at once sounds less scary. | |||
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"Good to see this one continue. Has anybody done an online questionnaire lately to self-assess? I did about six of them last week. Ranging from Aspergers to dyscalculia. One question really irked me and that was the one, that asked if I enjoyed cycling and dancing (Dyspraxia I think). That's two question rolled into one with two completely different answers. I don't like dancing, I do like cycling. " None of those questionnaires work on their own -- meaning they are not enough for diagnosis, but can be used as an indicator of potential traits. For example, in the AQ (autism quotient) test, there's a statement like "I often notice small sounds when others do not." That could be noticing noises when other people hear silence -- but it could also mean being bothered by the noise of a coffee machine, while everyone is engaged in a conversation, completely oblivious to it. The answers usually require a bit more thought, which is why they are screening tools rather than diagnostic tools in their own right. | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC." Plus a few that can be comorbidities, but can also be misdiagnosed before autism is picked up on. For example autistic women are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and men with narcissistic personality disorder. (can be vice-versa, but not typically) The problem being that professionals specialising in one set of disorders often have limited knowledge of the other set and simply don't look in the right places. | |||
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"Sounds like two deaths doesn't it." What's wrong with co-occurring, coexisting or co-presenting? Do the powers that be think that just doesn't sound serious enough? And what's wrong with just 'commonly seen together'? | |||
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"Can autism get confused with ADHD? Personally I find it impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Only a decade or so ago, experts thought you couldn't have both. Now it's recognised they're closely linked and some think possibly even different sides of the same condition. Venn diagram or one coin: two sides? Makes a huge difference. My understanding is most researchers currently support a venn-type crossover. A smaller number argue for a one coin/two sides relationship. At this stage their perspective is more conceptual and doesn't have the most rigorous of empirical support - but - that's standard for any emerging area of knowledge, right? It's definitely interesting how our understanding evolves (but a shame it all seems to fly over most heads in the NHS)" The NHS thinks they are the guardians of all medical conditions, when in fact they need to listen to each disease's charity. How may people know that diabetes comes in more than two flavours? The NHS only lists PRE diabetes and types 1 & 2 Diabetes UK lists more than that: Type 1 Type 2 Pregnancy induced MODY Neonatal Wolfram Alstrom LADA (Not the car maker) Type 3c Steroid induced Cystic fibrosis induced So it pays to do your homework and visit a charities's website, to get the bigger picture. | |||
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"Good to see this one continue. Has anybody done an online questionnaire lately to self-assess? I did about six of them last week. Ranging from Aspergers to dyscalculia. One question really irked me and that was the one, that asked if I enjoyed cycling and dancing (Dyspraxia I think). That's two question rolled into one with two completely different answers. I don't like dancing, I do like cycling. None of those questionnaires work on their own -- meaning they are not enough for diagnosis, but can be used as an indicator of potential traits. For example, in the AQ (autism quotient) test, there's a statement like "I often notice small sounds when others do not." That could be noticing noises when other people hear silence -- but it could also mean being bothered by the noise of a coffee machine, while everyone is engaged in a conversation, completely oblivious to it. The answers usually require a bit more thought, which is why they are screening tools rather than diagnostic tools in their own right. " Yes! That's me. I have hearing like RADAR from MASH. Great for plane/helicopter spotting and delivery visits. Crap at getting some sleep: bloody pigeons/ screaming kids/DIY mad neighbours at 7am | |||
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"Sounds like two deaths doesn't it. What's wrong with co-occurring, coexisting or co-presenting? Do the powers that be think that just doesn't sound serious enough? And what's wrong with just 'commonly seen together'?" Exactly. Multiple conditions or compounded complications sounds much more like it. | |||
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"Loving the thread my partner Neil is ND popping this here so he can have a look tomorrow. Be great for him to have other people to relate to, I try to understand and have done so much research but there is only so much I can do xx Hayley " I look forward to 'meeting" him here. - Jack | |||
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"Loving the thread my partner Neil is ND popping this here so he can have a look tomorrow. Be great for him to have other people to relate to, I try to understand and have done so much research but there is only so much I can do xx He is lucky to have such a supportive partner! Hayley " | |||
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"Very kind. I'll send one!" But I'm blocked as a single man! | |||
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"Very kind. I'll send one! But I'm blocked as a single man!" Are you not still able to send a friend request - and you would presumably not be blocked after? (I'm not actually sure.) | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC. Plus a few that can be comorbidities, but can also be misdiagnosed before autism is picked up on. For example autistic women are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and men with narcissistic personality disorder. (can be vice-versa, but not typically) The problem being that professionals specialising in one set of disorders often have limited knowledge of the other set and simply don't look in the right places. " I was diagnosed with borderline age 19 and didn't receive my ASC diagnosis until 36. I don't have borderline at all. My MH key worker was incredibly sceptical about me wanting an assessment, but I was persistent and she put the request in. When I finally received the diagnosis she almost fell off her chair! So many HCP's have very little knowledge of ND conditions, yet their position of authority over us service users creates a huge barrier to getting the care and information we need. The dismissive attitude some of them have is dangerous. | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC. Plus a few that can be comorbidities, but can also be misdiagnosed before autism is picked up on. For example autistic women are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and men with narcissistic personality disorder. (can be vice-versa, but not typically) The problem being that professionals specialising in one set of disorders often have limited knowledge of the other set and simply don't look in the right places. I was diagnosed with borderline age 19 and didn't receive my ASC diagnosis until 36. I don't have borderline at all. My MH key worker was incredibly sceptical about me wanting an assessment, but I was persistent and she put the request in. When I finally received the diagnosis she almost fell off her chair! So many HCP's have very little knowledge of ND conditions, yet their position of authority over us service users creates a huge barrier to getting the care and information we need. The dismissive attitude some of them have is dangerous." This is so spot on. All responses are "go back to your GP That is rubbish advice, as that's a mental assault course. You then have tto get over the moat that is the 30 minutew auto telelphone waiting system, then finally get to fight the dragons (explain to the receptionist whay you need the apt in the first place.). Then you've got the GP/practice nurse to deal with (body armour needed for emotional body blows) only to get fobbed off with a leaflet or two and some horrible tablets on offer... Sometimes it's less painful and traumatic not to ask for help. It's not male pride or stigma...Running up escalators the wrong way is bloody hard work. | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC. Plus a few that can be comorbidities, but can also be misdiagnosed before autism is picked up on. For example autistic women are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and men with narcissistic personality disorder. (can be vice-versa, but not typically) The problem being that professionals specialising in one set of disorders often have limited knowledge of the other set and simply don't look in the right places. I was diagnosed with borderline age 19 and didn't receive my ASC diagnosis until 36. I don't have borderline at all. My MH key worker was incredibly sceptical about me wanting an assessment, but I was persistent and she put the request in. When I finally received the diagnosis she almost fell off her chair! So many HCP's have very little knowledge of ND conditions, yet their position of authority over us service users creates a huge barrier to getting the care and information we need. The dismissive attitude some of them have is dangerous." They are totally dismissive. In ALL areas of healthcare. Digressing slightly here but I'll never forget the midwife who told me I couldn't have pain relief during my three-fucking-day-long back labour because "you aren't in enough pain". Like, why would you think you can read someone else's pain level better than they can? Back on topic I think this is another area ignorance around neurodivergence also kicks in. I think professionals expect people in pain to be screaming and thrashing around but apparently lots of neurotypical people just shut down instead to cope (I do). So because we don't present how they expect they'll underestimate the seriousness of whatever's happening to us and the care we're given suffers accordingly. | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC. Plus a few that can be comorbidities, but can also be misdiagnosed before autism is picked up on. For example autistic women are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and men with narcissistic personality disorder. (can be vice-versa, but not typically) The problem being that professionals specialising in one set of disorders often have limited knowledge of the other set and simply don't look in the right places. I was diagnosed with borderline age 19 and didn't receive my ASC diagnosis until 36. I don't have borderline at all. My MH key worker was incredibly sceptical about me wanting an assessment, but I was persistent and she put the request in. When I finally received the diagnosis she almost fell off her chair! So many HCP's have very little knowledge of ND conditions, yet their position of authority over us service users creates a huge barrier to getting the care and information we need. The dismissive attitude some of them have is dangerous. This is so spot on. All responses are "go back to your GP That is rubbish advice, as that's a mental assault course. You then have tto get over the moat that is the 30 minutew auto telelphone waiting system, then finally get to fight the dragons (explain to the receptionist whay you need the apt in the first place.). Then you've got the GP/practice nurse to deal with (body armour needed for emotional body blows) only to get fobbed off with a leaflet or two and some horrible tablets on offer... Sometimes it's less painful and traumatic not to ask for help. It's not male pride or stigma...Running up escalators the wrong way is bloody hard work." I'm actually quite lucky with my GP as I can easily and get a call back. And I live just a few minutes walk away and the receptionists tend to be helpful. Plus, perk of sucide attempts is that there's an alert on my file to be understanding though it shouldn't take suicide attempts to be treated well. There is a huge irony, that we hate the phone and get exhausted by negotiating queues and receptionists so by the tine a GP calls back we've already lost all our energy for communicating! | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC. Plus a few that can be comorbidities, but can also be misdiagnosed before autism is picked up on. For example autistic women are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and men with narcissistic personality disorder. (can be vice-versa, but not typically) The problem being that professionals specialising in one set of disorders often have limited knowledge of the other set and simply don't look in the right places. I was diagnosed with borderline age 19 and didn't receive my ASC diagnosis until 36. I don't have borderline at all. My MH key worker was incredibly sceptical about me wanting an assessment, but I was persistent and she put the request in. When I finally received the diagnosis she almost fell off her chair! So many HCP's have very little knowledge of ND conditions, yet their position of authority over us service users creates a huge barrier to getting the care and information we need. The dismissive attitude some of them have is dangerous. They are totally dismissive. In ALL areas of healthcare. Digressing slightly here but I'll never forget the midwife who told me I couldn't have pain relief during my three-fucking-day-long back labour because "you aren't in enough pain". Like, why would you think you can read someone else's pain level better than they can? Back on topic I think this is another area ignorance around neurodivergence also kicks in. I think professionals expect people in pain to be screaming and thrashing around but apparently lots of neurotypical people just shut down instead to cope (I do). So because we don't present how they expect they'll underestimate the seriousness of whatever's happening to us and the care we're given suffers accordingly." I'd never even considered this, but it is so true! Sorry you went through thatvwith the midwife | |||
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"I think professionals expect people in pain to be screaming and thrashing around but apparently lots of neurotypical people just shut down instead to cope (I do)." So true - of both physical amd mental pain. Professional: "Well, you seem to be coping okay..." Me: "I've literally been screaming inside my head, rocking back and forth, biting my inner cheek and wanting to blow up my house for the last 19 hours straight." | |||
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"Going back to the sexual side , does anyone else endulge what would be classed risky behaviour because that urge becomes strong or its like ur need for endorphins overrules rational safe behaviour " I don't know if we really do anything risky. I mean, we like sex where there is a risk of getting caught. And Alice meets guys off of Ashley Madison. I guess they both have their own dopamine elements, but I don't know if you mean more than that? And some of our BDSM play certainly has the same effect. | |||
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"Very kind. I'll send one! But I'm blocked as a single man! Are you not still able to send a friend request - and you would presumably not be blocked after? (I'm not actually sure.) " No it tells me I am blocked when I try to send a friend request!! | |||
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"it tells me I am blocked when I try to send a friend request!!" Sorry. Just sent you one. | |||
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"it tells me I am blocked when I try to send a friend request!! Sorry. Just sent you one." Many thanks. You two seem so switched on to neurodiversity and just get it! | |||
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"I think professionals expect people in pain to be screaming and thrashing around but apparently lots of neurotypical people just shut down instead to cope (I do). So true - of both physical amd mental pain. Professional: "Well, you seem to be coping okay..." Me: "I've literally been screaming inside my head, rocking back and forth, biting my inner cheek and wanting to blow up my house for the last 19 hours straight." " Yes, to all of this! As well as issues with my midwife during childbirth for the same reasons, I've had plentiful occasions where treatment has been withheld for my MH because I don't look distressed enough. The NHS treats patients not bases on their suffering, but on how much that suffering impacts on other people. I only got taken seriously for my mental illness when I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). It was autistic burnout and they don't really know what to do with autists. | |||
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"The NHS treats patients not bases on their suffering, but on how much that suffering impacts on other people." Ain't this the truth. Wailing and thrashing around = I need to sort this person out because they're annoying everyone and making it difficult to do my job. Shutdown but dying inside = Ah they're quite and keeping out of everyone's way, might as well leave them to it so I can get on with some real work. | |||
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"The NHS treats patients not bases on their suffering, but on how much that suffering impacts on other people. Ain't this the truth. Wailing and thrashing around = I need to sort this person out because they're annoying everyone and making it difficult to do my job. Shutdown but dying inside = Ah they're quite and keeping out of everyone's way, might as well leave them to it so I can get on with some real work." God, that's so true Wailing=agressive...Guard! Stiff upper lip=under control. If you had a horrific gas on your arm, A&E would say "Let's see how bad it is then, can I have a look?" But if you're having a melt down "I can't help you when you're like this: I'm ending this session now and sending you back to your GP/square 1" Anyone agree with this? | |||
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"I'd start by also getting them to look at the anxiety side aswell , I'm on sertraline which is a ptsd med for anxiety , I had to change onto it as I started having anxiety attacks whilst literally sitting doing nothing" How it works for you, I had a horrible time on it. Have you asked for muscle relaxants as they worked for me, by letting me sleep, with zero side effects. Weighted blankets are a life saver for me, as my sleep is all night long and that's got to be a good thing. | |||
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"I think professionals expect people in pain to be screaming and thrashing around but apparently lots of neurotypical people just shut down instead to cope (I do). So true - of both physical amd mental pain. Professional: "Well, you seem to be coping okay..." Me: "I've literally been screaming inside my head, rocking back and forth, biting my inner cheek and wanting to blow up my house for the last 19 hours straight." Yes, to all of this! As well as issues with my midwife during childbirth for the same reasons, I've had plentiful occasions where treatment has been withheld for my MH because I don't look distressed enough. The NHS treats patients not bases on their suffering, but on how much that suffering impacts on other people. I only got taken seriously for my mental illness when I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). It was autistic burnout and they don't really know what to do with autists. " Bloody hell, you've been through the mill: are you on secondary care radar? | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism?" I would say being hyper sexual and getting into difficult waters has been a personal experience. Not realising when “abusive” behaviour is taking place for instance. So I’ve actually appreciated reading a lot of material on this. It helped me realise certain unhealthy patterns. Helped me draw up lines for myself that I value and stand by now. I have a lot more to say om this but happy to discuss privately x | |||
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"I think professionals expect people in pain to be screaming and thrashing around but apparently lots of neurotypical people just shut down instead to cope (I do). So true - of both physical amd mental pain. Professional: "Well, you seem to be coping okay..." Me: "I've literally been screaming inside my head, rocking back and forth, biting my inner cheek and wanting to blow up my house for the last 19 hours straight." Yes, to all of this! As well as issues with my midwife during childbirth for the same reasons, I've had plentiful occasions where treatment has been withheld for my MH because I don't look distressed enough. The NHS treats patients not bases on their suffering, but on how much that suffering impacts on other people. I only got taken seriously for my mental illness when I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). It was autistic burnout and they don't really know what to do with autists. Bloody hell, you've been through the mill: are you on secondary care radar?" I go through a cycle of burnout, MH Crisis, support put in place via CMHT, become stable, support removed, burnout...... I had a burnout in July after my PIP was revoked in March. My initial MH assessment is Mid-november. I've never had to wait so long for the assessment after initial referral. I have a tribunal hearing for PIP in December. | |||
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"I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). " I presume 'not be alive' is fine. I'm guessing the S word would get picked-up and rejected, but I don't know for sure. Thanks for sharing some of what you've been through. These threads are fantastic. | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism? Never been diagnosed with hyper sexuality , But can be extremely impulsive when I'm in the mood . On a high sex drive day this can be doing something sexual with my partner upto between 5 - 7 times in a day I may only cum 3 times but after that it's about the feelings of pleasure and that desire. Good old adhd for ya! Always chasing that dopamine hit - Sex Smoking Alcohol Illegal drugs Gambling Spending Food Whatever makes the individual feel good and gives them that buzz add it to the list. " I've not been diagnosed with ADHD but a personality disorder that can use any of those above things to avoid any uncomfortable feelings I have. I find other ways to regulate my emotions and tolerate distress now but an effect of that seems to be dropping my libido to little to none. It is making me feel disconnected, sexually, romantically and platonically but I'm working on it slowly. | |||
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"I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). I presume 'not be alive' is fine. I'm guessing the S word would get picked-up and rejected, but I don't know for sure. Thanks for sharing some of what you've been through. These threads are fantastic. " The unalive clause | |||
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"I'm curious about other interests you guys may have, we all know we've got one thing in common in some shape or form "I work a recovery and relapse prevention programme like an addict. 1. Mentalisation Therapy peer group: on the wait list 2. NHS Mental Health peer group twice a week 3. 5 a side women's football 4. cycling 5. swimming 6. Black cultural events 7. Part time Work in a supermarket. I spend half the week alone and half the week with people. That's a good balance for me. Doing everything alone is not good for me and spending all my time with other people burns me out. I'm thinking of adding Emotional Anorexia SLAA group to my roster because I feel myself wanting to disconnect from people in general. | |||
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard. Thankyou for doing this . If i could be honest i feel a horrible person because i prefer fun more than a relationship , I’m not sure if i’m Scared of commitment or is it because of having Aspergers ? " You are not a horrible person. I'm "scared of committment" because everyone I've ever committed to or tried to get close to or wanted approval treated me horribly in the end. A big part of my brain believes I'm better off alone now. For me that's a trauma response. If you don't view committed relationships as fun...you won't want to be in one if you want fun. Regardless of neurotypical or neurodivergent. | |||
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"I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). I presume 'not be alive' is fine. I'm guessing the S word would get picked-up and rejected, but I don't know for sure. Thanks for sharing some of what you've been through. These threads are fantastic. " We can use the s word, I certainly have talked about my own attempts without censorship or rebutal | |||
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"There's a few conditions that are common co-morbidities with ASC. Plus a few that can be comorbidities, but can also be misdiagnosed before autism is picked up on. For example autistic women are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD/EUPD) and men with narcissistic personality disorder. (can be vice-versa, but not typically) The problem being that professionals specialising in one set of disorders often have limited knowledge of the other set and simply don't look in the right places. I was diagnosed with borderline age 19 and didn't receive my ASC diagnosis until 36. I don't have borderline at all. My MH key worker was incredibly sceptical about me wanting an assessment, but I was persistent and she put the request in. When I finally received the diagnosis she almost fell off her chair! So many HCP's have very little knowledge of ND conditions, yet their position of authority over us service users creates a huge barrier to getting the care and information we need. The dismissive attitude some of them have is dangerous." I had to fight for my BPD/EUPD diagnosis and then fight for the therapy for that. It was only once I had the therapy for that, that the therapist made me take am initial diagnostic test for autism spectrum. Now I realize that to get any kind of help I have to out-talk and outsmart the professionals because most of them haven't got a clue. I mask very well until you put me under a lot of stress and then all the masking goes out of the window. People become terrified because it's like a literal switch. I put everything in writing and I rarely call my GP. I send them emails instead. I hate phone calls. | |||
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"I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). I presume 'not be alive' is fine. I'm guessing the S word would get picked-up and rejected, but I don't know for sure. Thanks for sharing some of what you've been through. These threads are fantastic. We can use the s word, I certainly have talked about my own attempts without censorship or rebutal" It's a personal choice. I don't use the s word unless I'm in a dedicated and safe mental health space/forum. That's just my overactive conscience. | |||
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"I think professionals expect people in pain to be screaming and thrashing around but apparently lots of neurotypical people just shut down instead to cope (I do). So true - of both physical amd mental pain. Professional: "Well, you seem to be coping okay..." Me: "I've literally been screaming inside my head, rocking back and forth, biting my inner cheek and wanting to blow up my house for the last 19 hours straight." Yes, to all of this! As well as issues with my midwife during childbirth for the same reasons, I've had plentiful occasions where treatment has been withheld for my MH because I don't look distressed enough. The NHS treats patients not bases on their suffering, but on how much that suffering impacts on other people. I only got taken seriously for my mental illness when I physically tried to not be alive (are we allowed to talk openly about that or do we have to use twee euphemisms to avoid being deleted?). It was autistic burnout and they don't really know what to do with autists. Bloody hell, you've been through the mill: are you on secondary care radar? I go through a cycle of burnout, MH Crisis, support put in place via CMHT, become stable, support removed, burnout...... I had a burnout in July after my PIP was revoked in March. My initial MH assessment is Mid-november. I've never had to wait so long for the assessment after initial referral. I have a tribunal hearing for PIP in December." I'm on Pip too. I had an assessment review last year over the phone due to Covid. It was recorded. Long story short I have a meltdown crying/bawling for 5 minutes and then went a bit catatonic. Couldn't tell you if it was BPD/EUPD or autistic SD induced. Took me a week to recover. I have been to tribunals twice against the DWP over trying to get them to recognize my mental health. | |||
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"Does anyone have any thoughts on autism and hypersexuality? I feel as if though they *can* co-occur and can be a problem, the label is misapplied more often than not. Autistic and a high libido? You must have "hypersexuality!" Not autistic? Oh, that's just a high libido then. Why are we pathologising varieties in levels of libido, based solely on the presence of autism? I would say being hyper sexual and getting into difficult waters has been a personal experience. Not realising when “abusive” behaviour is taking place for instance. So I’ve actually appreciated reading a lot of material on this. It helped me realise certain unhealthy patterns. Helped me draw up lines for myself that I value and stand by now. I have a lot more to say om this but happy to discuss privately x " Yeah, I've had to set a lot of boundaries around my sexuality mainly that I can't use sex as a major coping strategy. Like alcohol or illegal drugs, for me, it has the potential to do more harm than good. It's not even things like rejection, online abuse or body image issues, that I have to deal with. Myself, I can swing extremely from hypersexuality with zero boundaries and put myself in high-risk situations to disconnection, avoiding human contact and severe cognitive dissonance. | |||
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"We can use the s word, I certainly have talked about my own attempts without censorship or rebutal" Thanks for the clarification. | |||
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"This is a space for autistic people and those who love them to share. Any bigots or ignorant NTs who spout crap are likely to be shot-down. Please respect the audience, as we self-advocate hard. Thankyou for doing this . If i could be honest i feel a horrible person because i prefer fun more than a relationship , I’m not sure if i’m Scared of commitment or is it because of having Aspergers ? You are not a horrible person. I'm "scared of committment" because everyone I've ever committed to or tried to get close to or wanted approval treated me horribly in the end. A big part of my brain believes I'm better off alone now. For me that's a trauma response. If you don't view committed relationships as fun...you won't want to be in one if you want fun. Regardless of neurotypical or neurodivergent. " Better off alone? Anyone who has only seen one documentary on the big cats, must have noticed that lions live together and cheetahs don't. Both species have the same needs and are successful in what they do. No one calls lions NT and cheetahs ND, do they? Lions can't really be successful on their own and the inverse is true of cheetahs. They just are team players or soloists. Yet, all this exists with no stigma, from others. We need humans to think like this and accept the human brain comes with differences. | |||
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"I get the impression that, with ASD, NHS professionals look for disability rather than 'neurotype' -- so if you're not staring into space, flapping your arms around and having public meltdowns, then you're basically fine." That's absolute fact. You only get a diagnosis if you are 'failing' at life in some way. After all, you have to prove your "impairments." I think it will take *at least* twenty years to see any change there. | |||
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"even my occupational therapist said "we're all a bit autistic"! "I could cry! 
Btw, I replied to your post above, apparently before you posted it! | |||
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"I’m a bit autistic, not sure what else to say (lol)" No, you're not. No one is 'a bit autistic.' You're either autistic, or you're not. | |||
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"I’m a bit autistic, not sure what else to say (lol) No, you're not. No one is 'a bit autistic.' You're either autistic, or you're not. " Yeah I am | |||
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"I’m a bit autistic, not sure what else to say (lol) No, you're not. No one is 'a bit autistic.' You're either autistic, or you're not. Yeah I am " It's impossible to be a 'bit autistic' and the reason we get defensive when people claim thst is because it is a term used by neurotypicals way too often and while it can be offered as a term of misguided empathy, it's actually deeply offensive. Just because autism is a spectrum and we all present differently non of us is 'a bit' autistic Yes neurotypicals can display some similar characteristics. No thst doesn't make you autistic. If you are reading this thread and relating to a lot of it then maybe you are and maybe you need to explore that and there's a whole heap of people on this thread shstong experiences and supporting each other who'll welcome you in. But the use of "lol" at the end of your original post suggests a complete lack of empathy (though modt of us do all laugh inappropriately at the wrong time!), this isn't funny to us, I mean we can laugh at ourselves in many senses buy it'd not a laughing matter. Again look through the thread and see the shit we've lived through, it's not funny | |||
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"I wanted to quote a few people here, but too many people have had too many bad experiences to quote everyone. I seriously think the NHS look for disability before they look for 'neurotype', and in some cases you pretty much need to be lost to the world, flapping your arms and having public meltdowns, before they consider referring you for an ASD assessment. Some trusts allow self-referral, most do not -- but even with that, you still have a fight with 'experts' who continually get it wrong -- it's like, we all end up with autism as a special interest, and as a result become more expert than anyone with years of training. I mean, my assessment took forever with several different professionals, but even my occupational therapist said "we're all a bit autistic"! "Hate that comment we are all a bit autistic | |||
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"I get the impression that, with ASD, NHS professionals look for disability rather than 'neurotype' -- so if you're not staring into space, flapping your arms around and having public meltdowns, then you're basically fine. That's absolute fact. You only get a diagnosis if you are 'failing' at life in some way. After all, you have to prove your "impairments." I think it will take *at least* twenty years to see any change there." And then there is the debate over whether it is ASD or ASC. I certainly consider myself to have a Condition rather than a Disorder. | |||
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"Having read more of the thread with interest ( read parts 1,2 and 3 last week for the reasons I previously mentioned) a few things strike me. 1. You guys are able to communicate amazingly well about your conditions and their effects on your lives 2. You are so supportive of each other, and no bullying had occured on this thread as so often does on forum threads when differences of opinion occur. 3.You are so aware of your conditions and the limitations it places on you. Your coping mechanisms and ways of dealing with situations I am in awe of. " Thank you, that's such a beautiful comment  | |||
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"Sorry I'm not really clued up. But how would it affect one in terms of swinging? " Mr here. I’m autistic and the problem is it depends on a lot of factors: the person; the environment; the obviousness of social cues; sensory overload; etc. For me I’m pretty crap with social cues. Sometimes it’s painfully obvious to everyone that someone is interested and I’m oblivious. I often joke that a woman could sit on my face and I still wouldn’t get it
Sensory overload is a big one too. Sometimes I can block all the noise, sights, sounds etc out and have a great time. Other times it can prove a bit distracting and make it challenging to just be in the moment. | |||
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"Just discovering this thread for some reason, but I am already following. I have been recently diagnosed with ADHD and I’m waiting to start titration….as a person who’s been struggling to be part of something most of her life without knowing why, I feel weirdly welcomed here. Hope is ok if I have a sit "Pulls out a chair
Welcome to being neurodiverse | |||
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"Should the next thread be "Neurodiversity and Swinging" so as to include ADHD, Tourettes etc?" 100% yes | |||
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