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Swinging and autism Part 2?
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 if anyone feels they need therapy it's definitely worth finding a therapist who is also neurodivergent, obviously that isn't always possible if you need to go through the NHS but it would definitely be more useful. | |||
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"the psych central tests online help do this screenshot results and back to gp my middle son is autistic and functions as well as he can think so many people have the rainman think re autism and thats wrong " I'll be honest, until I met my stepson, Rainman and Mercury Rising were my only references for autism. growing up in the 70s you were just a difficult, fussy child | |||
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"53 and struggling to get a diagnosis. Stepson is autistic and when I first met him 10 years ago I saw a lot of me as a kid in him and it seemed to make me 'self aware' of my struggles all my life.. suffered from anxiety and depression for much of my adult life, and 5yrs ago when approached my GP about possibly being asd/adhd etc, he more or less laughed and said if I was I wouldn'thave managed to come in to speak to him about it! I mean ffs I've had half a century to develop what I now recognise as coping mechanisms to actually live my life.. I just want to know one way or another, but after his reaction I don't know what to do now." Similarly diagnosed only 3 years ago as it just made sense. My trick was to find out who saw NHS referrals locally and see them privately to discuss if pursuing a diagnosis was worth it. Then when we both decided it was, she gave me the paperwork so I could tell the GP how to make an NHS referral (so he couldn't say no!) | |||
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"Great thread OP. It's great to see this topic getting discussed." Original thread credit to newtothis2001 | |||
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"As a mum with a daughter with a Masters degree in Clinical psychology and ABA therapy, Ive read both threads with interest. I am well educated in how difficult it is for a ND adult to successfully find and maintain a ltr, however I'm particularly interested in how autism affects people being able to meet others for casual sex on here. Would anyone be willing to comment here or inbox me please? I'm NT, but display a range of ND 'ways and preferences' with regard to casual sex. " I would but can't dm you due to your filters | |||
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"As a mum with a daughter with a Masters degree in Clinical psychology and ABA therapy, Ive read both threads with interest. I am well educated in how difficult it is for a ND adult to successfully find and maintain a ltr, however I'm particularly interested in how autism affects people being able to meet others for casual sex on here. Would anyone be willing to comment here or inbox me please? I'm NT, but display a range of ND 'ways and preferences' with regard to casual sex. I would but can't dm you due to your filters" I have messaged you. | |||
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"As a mum with a daughter with a Masters degree in Clinical psychology and ABA therapy, Ive read both threads with interest. I am well educated in how difficult it is for a ND adult to successfully find and maintain a ltr, however I'm particularly interested in how autism affects people being able to meet others for casual sex on here. Would anyone be willing to comment here or inbox me please? " I would have, but I'm afraid I don't have it in me to chat with anyone promoting ABA. | |||
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"5yrs ago when approached my GP about possibly being asd/adhd etc, he more or less laughed and said if I was I wouldn'thave managed to come in to speak to him about it!" Change GPs. He lacks compassion and on this subject is just wrong. He clearly needs retraining. | |||
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"As a mum with a daughter with a Masters degree in Clinical psychology and ABA therapy, Ive read both threads with interest. I am well educated in how difficult it is for a ND adult to successfully find and maintain a ltr, however I'm particularly interested in how autism affects people being able to meet others for casual sex on here. Would anyone be willing to comment here or inbox me please? I would have, but I'm afraid I don't have it in me to chat with anyone promoting ABA." Thats fair enough, however I wasn't promoting it, merely explaining why I was interested. | |||
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"I would have, but I'm afraid I don't have it in me to chat with anyone promoting ABA. Thats fair enough, however I wasn't promoting it, merely explaining why I was interested." I would suggest spending some time in autistic spaces to learn how many (now traumatised) autistic adults feel about ABA. | |||
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"I would have, but I'm afraid I don't have it in me to chat with anyone promoting ABA. Thats fair enough, however I wasn't promoting it, merely explaining why I was interested. I would suggest spending some time in autistic spaces to learn how many (now traumatised) autistic adults feel about ABA. " Not sure how that is relevant to the question I asked, however I am very well versed in ABA, its history and its use in present day. | |||
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"Not sure how that is relevant to the question I asked, however I am very well versed in ABA, its history and its use in present day." My apologies, I was trying to explain why I would not want to get deep into a 121 conversation with someone who is into ABA. It literally would not feel safe to me. However, I would repeat my suggestion to spend time in autistic spaces. Always good to learn direct from the experts. Also, there is someone out there called Sarah Martin. She runs the website Dignified Hedonist and the podcast Slutty Activism. She is ND. Can also be followed on facebook. Many poly and ENM groups are FULL of autistic people. Apparently, we are statistically more likely to engage in unconventional relationships, be queer, etc. I don't know if that statistic carries over into casual sex, mind you. | |||
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"I'm a 31 year old guy who's allready going bald , I'm a little overnight dad bod style and I don't have a huge cock." I know this wasn't addressed to me, but I thought it might be helpful to point out that many many MANY women like bald men. And quite a few have a thing for dad bods, much to my surprise. As for cock size, well there are countless forum threads on that topic. I suspect that flirting is something many (most?) of us struggle with. I tend to think someone is flirting when they're not, or think they're not when they are!
There's a really good book on flirting called Flirtology. I learned a lot, but I'm not sure it would ever feel natural. | |||
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"Great post, iam currently trying to get myself diagnosed with whatever has been wrong with me for all of my adult life, but because of where iam from there is next to no information locally on anyone available to help, and the GP's are terrible, they are just puppets for pharma companies." You can legally be asked to be referred to someone else. I think it comes under the 'I want great care' stuff. | |||
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"I'm a 31 year old guy who's allready going bald , I'm a little overnight dad bod style and I don't have a huge cock. I know this wasn't addressed to me, but I thought it might be helpful to point out that many many MANY women like bald men. And quite a few have a thing for dad bods, much to my surprise. As for cock size, well there are countless forum threads on that topic. I suspect that flirting is something many (most?) of us struggle with. I tend to think someone is flirting when they're not, or think they're not when they are!
There's a really good book on flirting called Flirtology. I learned a lot, but I'm not sure it would ever feel natural."Must just be my area then , seem to be consistently shot down or people looking for 7/9" plus And maybe will have a look for an audio book because trying to read anything I lose focus way to quick And the reply wasn't for anyone in particular it was just more of an open response to show my personal struggles | |||
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"Great post, iam currently trying to get myself diagnosed with whatever has been wrong with me for all of my adult life, but because of where iam from there is next to no information locally on anyone available to help, and the GP's are terrible, they are just puppets for pharma companies. ." Think I posted in previous thread but will put it here too , Try taking some of the online tests for autism look up what traits you think you have write them down go to them with evidence. Allthough as someone within the post diagnostic adult care system I find it can generally be lack luster bar work reasonable adjustments and such i often still feel like I just have to deal with me | |||
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"Great post, iam currently trying to get myself diagnosed with whatever has been wrong with me for all of my adult life, but because of where iam from there is next to no information locally on anyone available to help, and the GP's are terrible, they are just puppets for pharma companies. You can legally be asked to be referred to someone else. I think it comes under the 'I want great care' stuff." Oh I know, its just that the great care is not in my area and if you want good care here you have to pay a fortune for it, which people can't afford. It's the worst . | |||
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"Great post, iam currently trying to get myself diagnosed with whatever has been wrong with me for all of my adult life, but because of where iam from there is next to no information locally on anyone available to help, and the GP's are terrible, they are just puppets for pharma companies. . Think I posted in previous thread but will put it here too , Try taking some of the online tests for autism look up what traits you think you have write them down go to them with evidence. Allthough as someone within the post diagnostic adult care system I find it can generally be lack luster bar work reasonable adjustments and such i often still feel like I just have to deal with me " That's kind of basically how I feel, i don't really see what difference it will make finding out if there is something wrong with me, because I've made it this far, I fear finding out might make me worse, then it will be medication which iam afraid off | |||
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"That's kind of basically how I feel, i don't really see what difference it will make finding out if there is something wrong with me, because I've made it this far, I fear finding out might make me worse, then it will be medication which iam afraid off " There won't be any medication, unless it's for co-occuring things like depression. In some areas, it would make very little difference. However, it *can* sometimes help with e.g. PIP (though it shouldn't). And employers need to pay it heed. | |||
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"You can legally be asked to be referred to someone else. I think it comes under the 'I want great care' stuff. Oh I know, its just that the great care is not in my area and if you want good care here you have to pay a fortune for it, which people can't afford. It's the worst ." That sucks! I'm sorry to hear that. | |||
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"Not sure how that is relevant to the question I asked, however I am very well versed in ABA, its history and its use in present day. My apologies, I was trying to explain why I would not want to get deep into a 121 conversation with someone who is into ABA. It literally would not feel safe to me. However, I would repeat my suggestion to spend time in autistic spaces. Always good to learn direct from the experts. Also, there is someone out there called Sarah Martin. She runs the website Dignified Hedonist and the podcast Slutty Activism. She is ND. Can also be followed on facebook. Many poly and ENM groups are FULL of autistic people. Apparently, we are statistically more likely to engage in unconventional relationships, be queer, etc. I don't know if that statistic carries over into casual sex, mind you." Thanks for providing this info. It looks really interesting! | |||
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"You can legally be asked to be referred to someone else. I think it comes under the 'I want great care' stuff. Oh I know, its just that the great care is not in my area and if you want good care here you have to pay a fortune for it, which people can't afford. It's the worst . That sucks! I'm sorry to hear that." Yeah so I've pretty much accepted that iam on my own here, it's just the reality. Its why this area has some of the highest suicide rates in the whole of Ireland and the UK. | |||
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" Many poly and ENM groups are FULL of autistic people. Apparently, we are statistically more likely to engage in unconventional relationships, be queer, etc. I don't know if that statistic carries over into casual sex, mind you." Ooh I'd be interested in looking into some research on this! I read a couple of things that suggest people with adhd are more likely to be promiscuous due to the impulsivity and are 3 times more likely to cheat. I haven't found anything specific to swinging or autism though. | |||
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" Many poly and ENM groups are FULL of autistic people. Apparently, we are statistically more likely to engage in unconventional relationships, be queer, etc. I don't know if that statistic carries over into casual sex, mind you. Ooh I'd be interested in looking into some research on this! I read a couple of things that suggest people with adhd are more likely to be promiscuous due to the impulsivity and are 3 times more likely to cheat. I haven't found anything specific to swinging or autism though. " I can't find the original bits of research I read, or a decent summary. However, the folllowing links might interest you. (I've had to edit the links or they won't post in the forum. I'm sure you can reconstruct them!) 1 - en.wikipedia . org/ wiki/Autism_and_LGBT_identities 2 - akinkyautistic . com /2019/04/20/why-do-i-keep-finding-autistic-people-in-my-kink-communities-for-autismacceptance-month 3 - aspecc. ca/blog/kink-bdsm-and-autism-adhd | |||
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"53 and struggling to get a diagnosis. Stepson is autistic and when I first met him 10 years ago I saw a lot of me as a kid in him and it seemed to make me 'self aware' of my struggles all my life.. suffered from anxiety and depression for much of my adult life, and 5yrs ago when approached my GP about possibly being asd/adhd etc, he more or less laughed and said if I was I wouldn'thave managed to come in to speak to him about it! I mean ffs I've had half a century to develop what I now recognise as coping mechanisms to actually live my life.. I just want to know one way or another, but after his reaction I don't know what to do now." Go back again and next time they offer you what is essentially a negative diagnosis tell them you would like them to put that on your medical record. Insist on it and watch them crumble. GPs cannot diagnose autism and it is not their place to gatekeep assesments. | |||
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"I have been told I am am the spectrum. Is there anyway I can find out more?" It depends how official you want to be. There are certain online tests you can do, though these range from cosmo-like all the way to ones designed by Oxford Uni lecturers and used by psychiatrists. However, if you actually want to look into a diagnosis, your first step would usually be speaking to your GP. | |||
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"Yeeeeeees hello again my beautiful wonky-brained brothers and sisters" I'd rather be wonky-brained than winky-brained! Those folk are weird!  | |||
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"I have been told I am am the spectrum. Is there anyway I can find out more? Thanks for the advice. I think I need to do some research first before I go to the GP It depends how official you want to be. There are certain online tests you can do, though these range from cosmo-like all the way to ones designed by Oxford Uni lecturers and used by psychiatrists. However, if you actually want to look into a diagnosis, your first step would usually be speaking to your GP." | |||
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"There's also the article, 'An Exploration of Why Autistic Adults Are Practicing Consensual Non-Monogamy' at the following link: autismspectrumnews . org /an-exploration-of-why-autistic-adults-are-practicing-consensual-non-monogamy/ It notes, among other things that 'In a recent study of general sexuality, autistic respondents were more likely to report engaging in polyamorous and/or non-monogamous relationships. This is notable given that the existence and complexity of autistic relationships is often still underestimated.'"  brilliant. Thank you | |||
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"There's also the article, 'An Exploration of Why Autistic Adults Are Practicing Consensual Non-Monogamy' at the following link: autismspectrumnews . org /an-exploration-of-why-autistic-adults-are-practicing-consensual-non-monogamy/ It notes, among other things that 'In a recent study of general sexuality, autistic respondents were more likely to report engaging in polyamorous and/or non-monogamous relationships. This is notable given that the existence and complexity of autistic relationships is often still underestimated.'" Ooh thanks I'll check them out | |||
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"I'm a late diagnosed aspie and also have ADHD -- I prefer the term Asperger's as that's what's on my diagnosis -- but each to their own. I believe the reason for my late diagnosis was the ADHD being a more dominant feature in my personality, plus a shitload of life coaching and learned coping strategies. I'm not standard issue, sure, but (as far as I'm aware) I'm not that awkward and introvert (although can be a bit shy), and until recently, I had only a passing idea that I might be on the spectrum. This site is difficult for men regardless -- but outside of this site I've never had any serious issues getting laid. I've clocked up more than my fair share of experiences over the years, and a few long term relationships t'boot. Not good with the club thing though and never really could get on with the social aspect of swinging. " Anecdotally I've heard time and time again that people with both conditions tend to feel ADHD is the "dominant" one, or that it covers up ASD, and only realised ASD was also there after ADHD was treated and controlled. I definitely feel that my ADHD masked the ASD for many many years. I wonder if perhaps the ADHD impulsivity tempers the ASD hyperanalysis. | |||
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"I'm a late diagnosed aspie and also have ADHD -- I prefer the term Asperger's as that's what's on my diagnosis -- but each to their own. I believe the reason for my late diagnosis was the ADHD being a more dominant feature in my personality, plus a shitload of life coaching and learned coping strategies. I'm not standard issue, sure, but (as far as I'm aware) I'm not that awkward and introvert (although can be a bit shy), and until recently, I had only a passing idea that I might be on the spectrum. This site is difficult for men regardless -- but outside of this site I've never had any serious issues getting laid. I've clocked up more than my fair share of experiences over the years, and a few long term relationships t'boot. Not good with the club thing though and never really could get on with the social aspect of swinging. Anecdotally I've heard time and time again that people with both conditions tend to feel ADHD is the "dominant" one, or that it covers up ASD, and only realised ASD was also there after ADHD was treated and controlled. I definitely feel that my ADHD masked the ASD for many many years. I wonder if perhaps the ADHD impulsivity tempers the ASD hyperanalysis." I'm actually diagnosed both. Got my adhd diagnosis before autism . Now looking at going back on adhd meds to try and help with general day to day and hopefully control what is generally a very high level of sex drive which I could potentially be using to help with emotional regulation due to the dopeamean release, which would also explain why my general mental health takes a nose dive when i can't enjoy that aspect | |||
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"Yeeeeeees hello again my beautiful wonky-brained brothers and sisters I'd rather be wonky-brained than winky-brained! Those folk are weird! "Us wonky brained ones are definitely the least weird!
As an aside I refer to my brain as misfiring but think I'm going to start describing it as wonky! | |||
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"Yeeeeeees hello again my beautiful wonky-brained brothers and sisters I'd rather be wonky-brained than winky-brained! Those folk are weird!
Us wonky brained ones are definitely the least weird!
As an aside I refer to my brain as misfiring but think I'm going to start describing it as wonky!"Always with the upmost affection, of course  that and the 27362948 trains of thought are my "monkeys" | |||
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" Anecdotally I've heard time and time again that people with both conditions tend to feel ADHD is the "dominant" one, or that it covers up ASD, and only realised ASD was also there after ADHD was treated and controlled. I definitely feel that my ADHD masked the ASD for many many years. I wonder if perhaps the ADHD impulsivity tempers the ASD hyperanalysis." I started seeking out diagnosis for ASD first because I thought a previous diagnosis was way off (BPD, but I really don't think I am). While I was on the waiting list for the above, I tried to seek out talking therapy, but they told me to wait until I had a diagnosis in place, and referred me to a psychiatrist instead. The shrink picked up ADHD almost immediately; I was then formally assessed and diagnosed -- so they pretty much both landed on me at the same time. Another thing for me is that when I was a teenager I had a bit of a drug problem -- I cleaned up in 12 step programmes, and honestly think they aided with me developing my social skills; some of it masking, but a lot of it because I was forced into social situations as a means of saving my life. | |||
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"Now looking at going back on adhd meds to try and help with general day to day and hopefully control what is generally a very high level of sex drive which I could potentially be using to help with emotional regulation due to the dopeamean release, which would also explain why my general mental health takes a nose dive when i can't enjoy that aspect" I couldn't handle the meds at all -- I either had horrible comedowns or crippling insomnia, so I stopped during the titration phase. TBH they weren't really helping with my focus anyway -- I mean, I could concentrate more, but I just have no interest in doing things that, well things that don't interest me. I just can't be put in a box. | |||
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"Anyone up for meeting ?? " Who are you? | |||
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"I have been told I am am the spectrum. Is there anyway I can find out more?" There is a website called aspietests. org. It has all the clinical screening tools that are used by professionals, plus a few others too. I scored significantly on all of them, even when I tried to play things down. | |||
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"Anyone up for meeting ?? Who are you? " I'm Kris, how's it going? | |||
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"I suspect that flirting is something many (most?) of us struggle with. I tend to think someone is flirting when they're not, or think they're not when they are! "Man, I can be so fucking dense -- I once literally had a girl sitting next to me tell me she fancied me -- and I still didn't get the hint. | |||
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"Anyone up for meeting ?? Who are you? I'm Kris, how's it going? " Begone with you. | |||
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"I'm a late diagnosed aspie and also have ADHD -- I prefer the term Asperger's as that's what's on my diagnosis -- but each to their own. I believe the reason for my late diagnosis was the ADHD being a more dominant feature in my personality, plus a shitload of life coaching and learned coping strategies. I'm not standard issue, sure, but (as far as I'm aware) I'm not that awkward and introvert (although can be a bit shy), and until recently, I had only a passing idea that I might be on the spectrum. This site is difficult for men regardless -- but outside of this site I've never had any serious issues getting laid. I've clocked up more than my fair share of experiences over the years, and a few long term relationships t'boot. Not good with the club thing though and never really could get on with the social aspect of swinging. Anecdotally I've heard time and time again that people with both conditions tend to feel ADHD is the "dominant" one, or that it covers up ASD, and only realised ASD was also there after ADHD was treated and controlled. I definitely feel that my ADHD masked the ASD for many many years. I wonder if perhaps the ADHD impulsivity tempers the ASD hyperanalysis. I'm actually diagnosed both. Got my adhd diagnosis before autism . Now looking at going back on adhd meds to try and help with general day to day and hopefully control what is generally a very high level of sex drive which I could potentially be using to help with emotional regulation due to the dopeamean release, which would also explain why my general mental health takes a nose dive when i can't enjoy that aspect" Hey not sure if you saw my reply. 1.Sertraline goes up to 200mg. 2. I've had to learn some more social skills to initially make a connection with people. Yes, I guess it is a bit of masking but I also have my un-masking spaces and times built into my week. 3. What about joining a 5-a-side football team? I have one and it's social practice and exercise. 4. You can't rely on sex with other people for emotional regulation. Emotional regulation has to come from within you. A therapist can guide and teach you but the average neurotypical cannot and it's also not their responsibility to be available for your self regulation. https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/emotion-regulation/ | |||
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"Anyone up for meeting ?? Who are you? I'm Kris, how's it going? Begone with you."  | |||
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"Yeeeeeees hello again my beautiful wonky-brained brothers and sisters I'd rather be wonky-brained than winky-brained! Those folk are weird!
Us wonky brained ones are definitely the least weird!
As an aside I refer to my brain as misfiring but think I'm going to start describing it as wonky!
Always with the upmost affection, of course that and the 27362948 trains of thought are my "monkeys""Oh 1000% with affection. While I sometimes struggle with being Autistic, I absolutely love my wonky misfiring brain and wouldn't change it! 
That said I've had an amazing couple of weeks being reminded that people can ne kind and supportive and non-judgemental about Autism so I'm feeling quite upbeat about it at the moment, though inevitably some 'you don't look Autistic' knobhead will probably change that before too long! | |||
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"Yeeeeeees hello again my beautiful wonky-brained brothers and sisters I'd rather be wonky-brained than winky-brained! Those folk are weird!
Us wonky brained ones are definitely the least weird!
As an aside I refer to my brain as misfiring but think I'm going to start describing it as wonky!
Always with the upmost affection, of course that and the 27362948 trains of thought are my "monkeys"
Oh 1000% with affection. While I sometimes struggle with being Autistic, I absolutely love my wonky misfiring brain and wouldn't change it!
That said I've had an amazing couple of weeks being reminded that people can ne kind and supportive and non-judgemental about Autism so I'm feeling quite upbeat about it at the moment, though inevitably some 'you don't look Autistic' knobhead will probably change that before too long!""We'Re AlL oN tHe SpeCtRuM sOmEwHeRe" | |||
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"Yeeeeeees hello again my beautiful wonky-brained brothers and sisters I'd rather be wonky-brained than winky-brained! Those folk are weird!
Us wonky brained ones are definitely the least weird!
As an aside I refer to my brain as misfiring but think I'm going to start describing it as wonky!
Always with the upmost affection, of course that and the 27362948 trains of thought are my "monkeys"
Oh 1000% with affection. While I sometimes struggle with being Autistic, I absolutely love my wonky misfiring brain and wouldn't change it!
That said I've had an amazing couple of weeks being reminded that people can ne kind and supportive and non-judgemental about Autism so I'm feeling quite upbeat about it at the moment, though inevitably some 'you don't look Autistic' knobhead will probably change that before too long!
"We'Re AlL oN tHe SpeCtRuM sOmEwHeRe"" | |||
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""We'Re AlL oN tHe SpeCtRuM sOmEwHeRe"" Disagree Autistic traits are human traits, but the way they are balanced within the wiring of the autistic brain is not the same as everyone else. Saying something along the lines of "everyone is a little autistic" is dismissive and disempowering. It's the same as saying "everyone is a little bit black" Unless you were being sarcastic, of course?  | |||
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""We'Re AlL oN tHe SpeCtRuM sOmEwHeRe"Disagree Autistic traits are human traits, but the way they are balanced within the wiring of the autistic brain is not the same as everyone else. Saying something along the lines of "everyone is a little autistic" is dismissive and disempowering. It's the same as saying "everyone is a little bit black" Unless you were being sarcastic, of course? "Hugely sarcastic and also referencing an ignorant sod on the previous thread who tried "mansplaining" autism to us. | |||
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""We'Re AlL oN tHe SpeCtRuM sOmEwHeRe"Disagree Autistic traits are human traits, but the way they are balanced within the wiring of the autistic brain is not the same as everyone else. Saying something along the lines of "everyone is a little autistic" is dismissive and disempowering. It's the same as saying "everyone is a little bit black" Unless you were being sarcastic, of course? "I'm pretty sure it was a joke, based on the post it was replying to. | |||
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"I'm pretty sure it was a joke, based on the post it was replying to. " Ah right -- I'm a little bit autistic so I don't always read people properly. | |||
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"Hugely sarcastic and also referencing an ignorant sod on the previous thread who tried "mansplaining" autism to us." I missed that thread, but yeah -- I guess there's a reason for me not getting it. | |||
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"Hugely sarcastic and also referencing an ignorant sod on the previous thread who tried "mansplaining" autism to us. I missed that thread, but yeah -- I guess there's a reason for me not getting it. " | |||
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"Hugely sarcastic and also referencing an ignorant sod on the previous thread who tried "mansplaining" autism to us. I missed that thread, but yeah -- I guess there's a reason for me not getting it. "Yes very much an in joke fir those of us in the earlier thread. Good of you to call it out on case it was sincere though | |||
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"There are quite a few of us on these threads now, it would be great for us all to meet in person. Is anyone's executive functioning good enough to organise a neurodiverse social event? Mine isn't currently, unfortunately. Maybe it will be next spring
Nell"I'd love this, buy I fear finding a tine when we are all doing well enough could be a long wait! | |||
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"There are quite a few of us on these threads now, it would be great for us all to meet in person. Is anyone's executive functioning good enough to organise a neurodiverse social event? Mine isn't currently, unfortunately. Maybe it will be next spring
Nell"If only we could pre-book half a day's hyperfocus. | |||
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"Autism can actually be an advantage. It all depends on being self aware and applying humour appropriately." I don't think you know what you're talking about -- it isn't about being self aware. If anything, it's about being 'room aware' and if you can't read the room, how do you know whether your humour is appropriate? And even if it isn't appropriate, then who has the right to be the arbiter of anyone else's humour anyway? | |||
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"Autism can actually be an advantage. It all depends on being self aware and applying humour appropriately." Of course it can be an advantage. However, I don't think anyone can speak for other autistic people in terms of what it 'all depends' on. | |||
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"Guuuuuuuuuuys, *another* one has got in. Can somebody put it back outside please?" Lol! I could use this to bamboozle my therapist... Then they will say "oh yeah what is advantageous about an autistic meltdown".....to which I will say I got nothing. Do not play Jedi mind tricks on your therapist...it will end badly.....for you....lol! | |||
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"Autism can actually be an advantage. It all depends on being self aware and applying humour appropriately." Okay I'll bite. That sounds like saying we should mask? And hope that our wonky brains somehow synch with a neurotypical sense of humour? I'm not seeing how that is an advantage in any social setting? | |||
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"There are quite a few of us on these threads now, it would be great for us all to meet in person. Is anyone's executive functioning good enough to organise a neurodiverse social event? Mine isn't currently, unfortunately. Maybe it will be next spring
Nell
I'd love this, buy I fear finding a tine when we are all doing well enough could be a long wait!"That's the issue, isn't it? If only we could all sync up | |||
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"Guuuuuuuuuuys, *another* one has got in. Can somebody put it back outside please? Lol! I could use this to bamboozle my therapist... Then they will say "oh yeah what is advantageous about an autistic meltdown".....to which I will say I got nothing. Do not play Jedi mind tricks on your therapist...it will end badly.....for you....lol!" Maybe they know of a mysterious and obscenely rich benefactor specifically looking for a pet autist? It could be advantageous then. I'm thinking a Magwitch meets Daddy Warbucks kind of figure. | |||
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"Autism can actually be an advantage. It all depends on being self aware and applying humour appropriately." It's certainly not giving me any advantages in life and no amount of self awareness and humour can change that. Being aware of my limitations makes life run more smoothly in that meltdowns are less frequent, but I'm failing to see an advantage in only being capable of working 16 hours a week and relying on benefits | |||
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"Is there any benefit from being diagnosed? " I'm not formally diagnosed, but after conversations with a pyschotherapist and various counsellors and doing a lot of research I'm comfortable in my self-diagnosis and completeky accept it. Self-diagnosis is 100% valid. Thst said, I would like the protection of a formal diagnosis. I'm currently taking my previous employer to tribunal for disability discrimination and I'm guessing having a formal diagnosis might prove beneficial. Equally despite the fact I was pretty much housebound with Autistic Burnout for months this year a doctor apparently can't diagnose that without a formal diagnosis which isn't great. I've thankfully got a great employer now who are incredibly supportive of my Autism so I'm less bothered about a formal diagnosis than I was when I was infirmally diagnosed last year. If we were talking about a child then I would 100% be encouraging diagnosis. | |||
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"Is there any benefit from being diagnosed? I'm not formally diagnosed, but after conversations with a pyschotherapist and various counsellors and doing a lot of research I'm comfortable in my self-diagnosis and completeky accept it. Self-diagnosis is 100% valid. Thst said, I would like the protection of a formal diagnosis. I'm currently taking my previous employer to tribunal for disability discrimination and I'm guessing having a formal diagnosis might prove beneficial. Equally despite the fact I was pretty much housebound with Autistic Burnout for months this year a doctor apparently can't diagnose that without a formal diagnosis which isn't great. I've thankfully got a great employer now who are incredibly supportive of my Autism so I'm less bothered about a formal diagnosis than I was when I was infirmally diagnosed last year. If we were talking about a child then I would 100% be encouraging diagnosis. " yes that makes sense. I would say that sometimes the diagnosis isn't for the person diagnosed but to help neuro typicals understand autism. | |||
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"Is there any benefit from being diagnosed? " For me it was entirely necessary. For a start, I had a good idea about myself, but I could have been wrong -- for example, certain personality disorders manifest similarly to ASD as do other neurodevelopmental issues. So, I needed to have it formalised so I could be sure I was heading in the right direction. As for access to services -- apparently you can get a Care Act Assessment if you have significant needs, and it may protect you in work if you need reasonable adjustments. There's also the possibility of disability benefits, but, like anything else, they assess your needs and not your diagnosis, and as such this is not a guarantee. But, generally speaking, I've found more support and understanding in Facebook groups than I have with statutory services. | |||
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"Is there any benefit from being diagnosed? " For me I need to be diagnosed...otherwise, my brain defaults to trying to live like a neurotypical and always ending up in crisis. It also helps me to look for coping strategies and stop saying yes to everyone and everything. Our current society is built on overworking and giving 110%. That might work for neurotypicals but for me I would end up in hospital. So now I have to work smarter and not harder and say no to my job a lot more. | |||
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"As a mum with a daughter with a Masters degree in Clinical psychology and ABA therapy, Ive read both threads with interest. I am well educated in how difficult it is for a ND adult to successfully find and maintain a ltr, however I'm particularly interested in how autism affects people being able to meet others for casual sex on here. Would anyone be willing to comment here or inbox me please? I'm NT, but display a range of ND 'ways and preferences' with regard to casual sex. " You be yourself and speak as you are. I have to follow what is my wish to say, which is possibly a bit far along the scale, and got responses I did not expect which were affirmative - they wanted what I had just offered. There is likely something self-consistent about how you come across. I cannot banter away building a rapport that way. Hence, stating what I mean and something which is specific to the lady making that plausible is fairly much all I can do. I gather that can be "very direct" to the point of some incredulity that that was a successful approach. You learn that others, even as a heterosexual having to address someone of the opposite gender, are somewhat "in the same boat" regarding opportunities and for everything seeking something consensual there is no rule-book. | |||
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"Is there any benefit from being diagnosed? For me I need to be diagnosed...otherwise, my brain defaults to trying to live like a neurotypical and always ending up in crisis. It also helps me to look for coping strategies and stop saying yes to everyone and everything. Our current society is built on overworking and giving 110%. That might work for neurotypicals but for me I would end up in hospital. So now I have to work smarter and not harder and say no to my job a lot more." Pardon me; I followed to your profile and felt very "touched". Some things you comment set me thinking, given the mind "pattern matches". You remind me quite a lot of a scientist I know. With my best wishes, | |||
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"Our current society is built on overworking and giving 110%. That might work for neurotypicals but for me I would end up in hospital. " For me, I'm capable of giving 200% for a while, so long as it's something I'm interested in. The downside is I've become so engrossed in special interests that I've lost relationships, jobs and more as a result. It's great being an expert, but not so great if you nearly became homeless as a result. | |||
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"Also, a formal diagnosis (mostly) puts an end to the "you don't look/act/seem autistic" comments from people I've known a long time. However, it doesn't stop the comments like "but autism is so overdiagnosed" or "everyone is a bit autistic" or "why do you need a label?" "Big frickin' mood. | |||
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"Is there any benefit from being diagnosed? For me I need to be diagnosed...otherwise, my brain defaults to trying to live like a neurotypical and always ending up in crisis. It also helps me to look for coping strategies and stop saying yes to everyone and everything. Our current society is built on overworking and giving 110%. That might work for neurotypicals but for me I would end up in hospital. So now I have to work smarter and not harder and say no to my job a lot more. Pardon me; I followed to your profile and felt very "touched". Some things you comment set me thinking, given the mind "pattern matches". You remind me quite a lot of a scientist I know. With my best wishes," Thanks and noted. | |||
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 . Bloods have been taken multiple times to back my concerns and to get taken seriously.
The NHS wants us to have safe sex and the correct amount of offspring for our individual needs. But to tell them you need multiple sex partners is still frowned upon. Despite how wonderful it feels.
Celibacy is awful and never taken seriously at all.
Some of us crave and need sex. It's so obvious.
Is swinging the last unprotected sexual identity? | |||
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"The NHS wants us to have safe sex and the correct amount of offspring for our individual needs. But to tell them you need multiple sex partners is still frowned upon. Despite how wonderful it feels." I know a few swingers who go for regular STi checks. They're not frowned on at all. In fact, one told me that the nurse she was talking to was fascinated by it. | |||
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" Celibacy is awful and never taken seriously at all. Some of us crave and need sex. It's so obvious. " This, this is what's it's feeling like for me a lot lately, As much as I want that intimate contact on a regular basis I normally can't obtain it. Blah blah "ur just an incel", I wish I could do the social and have the confidence and skills to be able to navigate a lot of my problems I crave sex on a regular basis to be able to deal with a lot of things and my high sex drive , the paid meet I did ended up being very adverse as it actually caused a huge spike in sexual desire and that relief and dopamine release Due to these I have had am absolute massive crash in mental health where I have allmost complete ceased to function and has made a lot of " thoughts " come baxk | |||
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"The NHS wants us to have safe sex and the correct amount of offspring for our individual needs. But to tell them you need multiple sex partners is still frowned upon. Despite how wonderful it feels. I know a few swingers who go for regular STi checks. They're not frowned on at all. In fact, one told me that the nurse she was talking to was fascinated by it." Depends on who you ask. It's technically viewed as a high risk behaviour by medical staff and if you speak to some health professionals who are aware of your mental health conditions also...they don't think that you are doing it with a stable mind. I've had the clinic speak to my care co-ordinator because they were worried about me meeting these men off the internet. Once the co-ordinator spoke to me they were less scared. You almost have to put across your case. However, if you are not showing signs of mental stability and coherence, they worry that this lifestyle might be too much for you until you stabilize more. Trust me I've seen sex/dating/friendship sites devastate people mentally and it's not good. You need to mentally protect yourself while on these sites just as you would physically protect yourself. For me, it's a balance. I don't rely on the sex but a small amount helps me stay connected to the world. Socialising also helps me learn and practice my social skills so there is that aspect. | |||
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"Been massively struggling with the social aspect. Did a paid meet as it was only way I was going to get company, However the autism & anxiety massively kicked in and have been over communicating after due to this problems have arisen. Had been massively struggling the last week or so anyway and think it has pushed things in a worse direction. Know non of this helps case for meets but I just am not good at this side of fab, like I enjoy the sex and would love to find something regular but think my other issues are just gonna cause issues and push any potential away" You need to find a safe space to talk to people about your mental health and autism. In my head, a sex worker is not qualified in neurodivergent brains. They are qualified in sex. Have you spoken to your GP to see a psychotherapist? What did they say? | |||
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"Sertraline and citralopram caused me more harm thatn good. Even years down the line my body is still showing the side effects. Yes, I've had one symptom confirmed and another one to get chased up Feb 2023 . Bloods have been taken multiple times to back my concerns and to get taken seriously.
The NHS wants us to have safe sex and the correct amount of offspring for our individual needs. But to tell them you need multiple sex partners is still frowned upon. Despite how wonderful it feels.
Celibacy is awful and never taken seriously at all.
Some of us crave and need sex. It's so obvious.
Is swinging the last unprotected sexual identity?"Who did you tell that you needed multiple sexual partners? I'm assuming the Sexual Health Clinic. Not really something I would discuss with my GP. I've had several therapists and they never batted an eyelid...probably because I'm stable and not spiraling downwards. Medical staff's preference is to keep infections and diseases down but they view multiple partners as well....an overflow of patients...Their nightmare situation is someone spreading things around at a club. (Covid, STIs, Babies, STDs, Monkey pox?! Measles? Lol!) | |||
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" Celibacy is awful and never taken seriously at all. Some of us crave and need sex. It's so obvious. This, this is what's it's feeling like for me a lot lately, As much as I want that intimate contact on a regular basis I normally can't obtain it. Blah blah "ur just an incel", I wish I could do the social and have the confidence and skills to be able to navigate a lot of my problems I crave sex on a regular basis to be able to deal with a lot of things and my high sex drive , the paid meet I did ended up being very adverse as it actually caused a huge spike in sexual desire and that relief and dopamine release Due to these I have had am absolute massive crash in mental health where I have allmost complete ceased to function and has made a lot of " thoughts " come baxk" Who called you an incel? That's just rude. You have to learn and practice social skills. that's the only way I cope. it's not easy and I'm still not great at it but a hell of a lot better than 20 years ago!! | |||
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"Depends on who you ask. It's technically viewed as a high risk behaviour by medical staff and if you speak to some health professionals who are aware of your mental health conditions also...they don't think that you are doing it with a stable mind." To be fair, some staff would have the same reaction if someone said that have gay or bi-sexual encounters. They are still considered higher risk. However, the people I was speaking of are all NT and come across as "stable." I think we may just have an excellent Sexual Health Service round here. Or they've just all been lucky! | |||
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" Who called you an incel? That's just rude. You have to learn and practice social skills. that's the only way I cope. it's not easy and I'm still not great at it but a hell of a lot better than 20 years ago!!" Think it was in another thread that mods deleted that I got called it. Very much feels like it though, like as much as I want that company no matter what I seem to try asking for scoails, chats , asking for meets , trying to tailor responses. It's often that I don't get responses And I'm not wanting to use sex workers as therapy. Thata not what they are for i get that but when that desire for affection and intemcy is very high its extremely difficult. | |||
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"Who did you tell that you needed multiple sexual partners? I'm assuming the Sexual Health Clinic. Not really something I would discuss with my GP." I would second this. | |||
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" Who called you an incel? That's just rude. You have to learn and practice social skills. that's the only way I cope. it's not easy and I'm still not great at it but a hell of a lot better than 20 years ago!! Think it was in another thread that mods deleted that I got called it. Very much feels like it though, like as much as I want that company no matter what I seem to try asking for scoails, chats , asking for meets , trying to tailor responses. It's often that I don't get responses And I'm not wanting to use sex workers as therapy. Thata not what they are for i get that but when that desire for affection and intemcy is very high its extremely difficult." Sex workers are probably not the best people to overshare to. They are there for sex and their money....most are not interested in your mental health. If you are going to use sex workers you are going to have to look at it as just a business transaction....which can be hard to do if you are a highly emotional person and if you use sex to regulate your emotions. They are not your friends and they are not your partner and they are not your lovers. if if you overstep that client/worker boundary they have no problems cutting you off. There are a few sex workers who are a bit more sensitive to clients but I suspect that they are few and far between... | |||
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"The NHS wants us to have safe sex and the correct amount of offspring for our individual needs. But to tell them you need multiple sex partners is still frowned upon. Despite how wonderful it feels. I know a few swingers who go for regular STi checks. They're not frowned on at all. In fact, one told me that the nurse she was talking to was fascinated by it." That's sooooo refreshing. I described mine as a new hobby, and the female nurse, must have had her reasons (answers on a postcard to whoever the current PM is...)gave me one of those "that's nowt to brg about" looks. | |||
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"Also haven't spoke to gp about physcotherapist. I don't want to have to fight with myself for everything feeling and thought that I posses , " Do you think that a psychotherapist would make you fight yourself, your feelings and your thoughts? I've had many therapists and none of them made me fight myself so that's an interesting concept. I think you need someone to talk to because you said yourself that you over-communicated, to the sex worker I presume? I don't fight myself. I might battle my illness but I treat myself with self-care. I still stand on speaking to your GP about a psychotherapist but you have to really want it and be open to it and tell them the truth...otherwise....it won't help. Like I told one of my last therapists that I didn't trust them or the group but I trusted the process. Now I'm out the other side and not having unaliving thoughts. | |||
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"I don't particularly want to use them, it feels like more of a forced decision I'm not exactly made of money. But just been missing / craving / desiring that contact and intemcy " Well it's a temporary solution until you find another one. I tried to deal with my brain on my own for many years and it turns out that I can't. That's why I have a support group. That's why I socialize face-to-face. That's why I go to see the GP or the psychotherapist. Autistic kids get way more support than autistic adults. | |||
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"The NHS wants us to have safe sex and the correct amount of offspring for our individual needs. But to tell them you need multiple sex partners is still frowned upon. Despite how wonderful it feels. I know a few swingers who go for regular STi checks. They're not frowned on at all. In fact, one told me that the nurse she was talking to was fascinated by it. That's sooooo refreshing. I described mine as a new hobby, and the female nurse, must have had her reasons (answers on a postcard to whoever the current PM is...)gave me one of those "that's nowt to brg about" looks." Lol! I wouldn't describe it as a hobby. I have to put it in psychological terms and then they get it. Tell them next time you want a gay male nurse. | |||
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"I don't particularly want to use them, it feels like more of a forced decision I'm not exactly made of money. But just been missing / craving / desiring that contact and intemcy Well it's a temporary solution until you find another one. I tried to deal with my brain on my own for many years and it turns out that I can't. That's why I have a support group. That's why I socialize face-to-face. That's why I go to see the GP or the psychotherapist. Autistic kids get way more support than autistic adults." Think women have the power to be able to do this, think its much easier for a female to go out and get attention and get that attention that boost there confidence can get those social interactions much easier , | |||
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"I don't particularly want to use them, it feels like more of a forced decision I'm not exactly made of money. But just been missing / craving / desiring that contact and intemcy " Since my meeting my partner, who later on made me some spikey gloves, my mental health has shot up. Why, because they send her into full on bliss out mode, when I use them on her. Karma's great here. They really have a magnetic effect on passers by in the clubs as "ooh , what's that?" And before you know it, I'm giving free demonstrations to willing victims. Last week was a prime example and I had a great time making new friends and had some play wias a 4some with my partner. Yes, this does sound like an Amazon review. So what, if it does? It works for me and I honestly feel lost without them. This is my physical prop and calling card. I just leave them on the table and curiosity does the work for me. Having something extra or unique will help you stand out and shine. You need to find something similar. "If shyness is an issue, then it's good to let your fingers do the talking." Check out my/our veris to see for yourself. | |||
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"The NHS wants us to have safe sex and the correct amount of offspring for our individual needs. But to tell them you need multiple sex partners is still frowned upon. Despite how wonderful it feels. I know a few swingers who go for regular STi checks. They're not frowned on at all. In fact, one told me that the nurse she was talking to was fascinated by it. That's sooooo refreshing. I described mine as a new hobby, and the female nurse, must have had her reasons (answers on a postcard to whoever the current PM is...)gave me one of those "that's nowt to brg about" looks. Lol! I wouldn't describe it as a hobby. I have to put it in psychological terms and then they get it. Tell them next time you want a gay male nurse. "Noooo. I wa wa want Nnn nnurse Gladys! | |||
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"I don't particularly want to use them, it feels like more of a forced decision I'm not exactly made of money. But just been missing / craving / desiring that contact and intemcy Since my meeting my partner, who later on made me some spikey gloves, my mental health has shot up. Why, because they send her into full on bliss out mode, when I use them on her. Karma's great here. They really have a magnetic effect on passers by in the clubs as "ooh , what's that?" And before you know it, I'm giving free demonstrations to willing victims. Last week was a prime example and I had a great time making new friends and had some play wias a 4some with my partner. Yes, this does sound like an Amazon review. So what, if it does? It works for me and I honestly feel lost without them. This is my physical prop and calling card. I just leave them on the table and curiosity does the work for me. Having something extra or unique will help you stand out and shine. You need to find something similar. "If shyness is an issue, then it's good to let your fingers do the talking." Check out my/our veris to see for yourself. " As much as I would love this to be a case I have tried to make connections with people in my area and have no intrest from people , I would love for someone to just be accepting of who / what I am. But the longer things go on the longer this seems to be a feat that is not ment for me | |||
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"I don't particularly want to use them, it feels like more of a forced decision I'm not exactly made of money. But just been missing / craving / desiring that contact and intemcy Well it's a temporary solution until you find another one. I tried to deal with my brain on my own for many years and it turns out that I can't. That's why I have a support group. That's why I socialize face-to-face. That's why I go to see the GP or the psychotherapist. Autistic kids get way more support than autistic adults. Think women have the power to be able to do this, think its much easier for a female to go out and get attention and get that attention that boost there confidence can get those social interactions much easier , " This is completely wrong. Often that attention isn't confidence-boosting, it's terrifying. So many men see us as objects (if not targets) and are only nice as long as they think they're in with a chance. Then they realise they aren't and the abuse starts. Verbal if we're "lucky", sexual or physical if we aren't. We live with that risk every single day. Every time we leave the house. For many, it's inside the home too. And autistic women are even more vulnerable to being manipulated. You might see a woman giggling at being catcalled and think she's enjoying the attention - but in all likelihood she's just doing her best not to provoke some creep's anger to avoid being hurt or killed. | |||
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" Who called you an incel? That's just rude. You have to learn and practice social skills. that's the only way I cope. it's not easy and I'm still not great at it but a hell of a lot better than 20 years ago!! Think it was in another thread that mods deleted that I got called it. Very much feels like it though, like as much as I want that company no matter what I seem to try asking for scoails, chats , asking for meets , trying to tailor responses. It's often that I don't get responses And I'm not wanting to use sex workers as therapy. Thata not what they are for i get that but when that desire for affection and intemcy is very high its extremely difficult. Sex workers are probably not the best people to overshare to. They are there for sex and their money....most are not interested in your mental health. If you are going to use sex workers you are going to have to look at it as just a business transaction....which can be hard to do if you are a highly emotional person and if you use sex to regulate your emotions. They are not your friends and they are not your partner and they are not your lovers. if if you overstep that client/worker boundary they have no problems cutting you off. There are a few sex workers who are a bit more sensitive to clients but I suspect that they are few and far between..." The sad reality is the majority of them are probably there because they've been trafficked or pimped and can't refuse without being seriously hurt. | |||
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"I don't particularly want to use them, it feels like more of a forced decision I'm not exactly made of money. But just been missing / craving / desiring that contact and intemcy Since my meeting my partner, who later on made me some spikey gloves, my mental health has shot up. Why, because they send her into full on bliss out mode, when I use them on her. Karma's great here. They really have a magnetic effect on passers by in the clubs as "ooh , what's that?" And before you know it, I'm giving free demonstrations to willing victims. Last week was a prime example and I had a great time making new friends and had some play wias a 4some with my partner. Yes, this does sound like an Amazon review. So what, if it does? It works for me and I honestly feel lost without them. This is my physical prop and calling card. I just leave them on the table and curiosity does the work for me. Having something extra or unique will help you stand out and shine. You need to find something similar. "If shyness is an issue, then it's good to let your fingers do the talking." Check out my/our veris to see for yourself. As much as I would love this to be a case I have tried to make connections with people in my area and have no intrest from people , I would love for someone to just be accepting of who / what I am. But the longer things go on the longer this seems to be a feat that is not ment for me" It does sound like you may need a break from here, the majority of single guys struggle to get meets but it feels like you're getting frustrated and taking it personally. | |||
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" It does sound like you may need a break from here, the majority of single guys struggle to get meets but it feels like you're getting frustrated and taking it personally. " It's frustration with myself , I want to be able to engage with people and enjoy meny aspects of things. And suppose the frustration is not just from here but accross a few places, | |||
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"Why can't people just be given a break?" Shouldn't expect people to give me a break for anything it's a set of very complex issues, | |||
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" Who called you an incel? That's just rude. You have to learn and practice social skills. that's the only way I cope. it's not easy and I'm still not great at it but a hell of a lot better than 20 years ago!! Think it was in another thread that mods deleted that I got called it. Very much feels like it though, like as much as I want that company no matter what I seem to try asking for scoails, chats , asking for meets , trying to tailor responses. It's often that I don't get responses And I'm not wanting to use sex workers as therapy. Thata not what they are for i get that but when that desire for affection and intemcy is very high its extremely difficult. Sex workers are probably not the best people to overshare to. They are there for sex and their money....most are not interested in your mental health. If you are going to use sex workers you are going to have to look at it as just a business transaction....which can be hard to do if you are a highly emotional person and if you use sex to regulate your emotions. They are not your friends and they are not your partner and they are not your lovers. if if you overstep that client/worker boundary they have no problems cutting you off. There are a few sex workers who are a bit more sensitive to clients but I suspect that they are few and far between... The sad reality is the majority of them are probably there because they've been trafficked or pimped and can't refuse without being seriously hurt." Highly likely. I have met sex workers who did/do it because they want to...but there was a drug element so not sure if that was the cause or the effect. Met them in treatment and women's spaces. I haven't met any male sex workers but I did know gay guys and lesbians who struggled as well with sex and relationships. | |||
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"Why can't people just be given a break? Shouldn't expect people to give me a break for anything it's a set of very complex issues," Why not? We step out of the way when we see someone seeing impaired with a cane or a dog. we get up for pregnant women. We help the elderly. Because it's our brains no one should give us a break because they can't see it? Because we "look normal". "Complex needs" as my psychiatric hospital like to call it aren't just going to magically disappear especially without treatment. In my case, it got worse before it got better when I was 31. | |||
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"Why can't people just be given a break?" Because most people do not understand what it's like and they also haven't got the capacity to learn, understand and adapt to what it's like. My managers can run a whole team of 40 people but ask them for reasonable adjustments for my mental health? they are clueless. | |||
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"Why can't people just be given a break? Because most people do not understand what it's like and they also haven't got the capacity to learn, understand and adapt to what it's like. My managers can run a whole team of 40 people but ask them for reasonable adjustments for my mental health? they are clueless." do they have neurodiversity posters anywhere in the building? | |||
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"Shouldn't expect people to give me a break for anything it's a set of very complex issues, Why not? We step out of the way when we see someone seeing impaired with a cane or a dog..." Not to mention all of the reasonable adjustments we make for neurotypicals. *We* make accommodations for *them* ALL the time. | |||
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"Why can't people just be given a break? Because most people do not understand what it's like and they also haven't got the capacity to learn, understand and adapt to what it's like. My managers can run a whole team of 40 people but ask them for reasonable adjustments for my mental health? they are clueless. do they have neurodiversity posters anywhere in the building?" Nope. They can barely deal with diversity. Neuro might be a step too far at the moment. | |||
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"Shouldn't expect people to give me a break for anything it's a set of very complex issues, Why not? We step out of the way when we see someone seeing impaired with a cane or a dog... Not to mention all of the reasonable adjustments we make for neurotypicals. *We* make accommodations for *them* ALL the time." They just wouldn't understand. (IBS sufferers can use disabled toilets, cause making them wait benefits no one. Hence me having a RADAR key). Trust me this is one condition you don't want to become visible. We walked out of a social because it was far too loud, considering I've worked in night clubs, bars and pubs, I knew it was pointless trying to speak. She has poor hearing on one side. I can go from "I vant to be aloone" to "This cabin fever's killing me" and back again. | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here" I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here" That's great that old fart recovered to that level. As you can see for many of us we lost that level of functionality or never had it. I can't work full time... so I'm classed as a benefit scrounger to some people. And every year I have to prove to the DWP how ill I actually am. Every two years I get a new manager who tried to fire me from my 16 hours a week. I can't ride a motorbike and I avoid driving because I have to take sedatives which my GP/psychotherapists are reluctant to take me off of. Another thing I have to prove. As for my libido: low to none And I have been single for the last nearly 9 years because I find it impossible to find a suitable partner. I don't feel very equal at all. that's my reality....I don't think OP feels very equal either. | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. " it's that toxic positivity of invalidation. Great for old fart but it's not my reality. OP wants out because he can fuck a partner every night but can't find one. As for working full time and being self-employed... Well John you know what a battle that is. | |||
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"Loving this post! I enjoy the club thing but just cannot initiate a conversation (although I can happily carry one on if someone else starts it) Not into labels, but if I was to seek a diagnosis I know what it would be. Really interesting OP.... well done!" I know exactly where you are coming from and as someone who is relatively shy at first and most of my life. I was given a job in a big chain sore and I was the Xmas meeter and greeter, I couldn't say boo to a goose for the first hour, but once the penny dropped. That felt better. A switch wass flicked inside my head and I was suddenly given permission to speak to these people and I was doing them a favour. "Permission to speak freely Sir" said the soldier to the officer..."Yes, Corporal, what is it?" It's that black and white for me, I just need permission to speak to you, once granted, you'll never shut me up. Anyone else feel like this? | |||
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"Can we make this thread keycard access only or something. They keep getting in and making a big old mess everywhere." Seems soo and think part of the problem is even though I have seen autism campaigns they still focus heavily on the sensory and physical implications of autism . Ps: your photos are amazing! | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. " I'm not dismissing it. You really have obviously missed my point entirely. What matters is that we treat each other with respect and decency regardless of what health issues we have. Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. So before you sprout on about neurodiversity and whatever other shit you want to come out with you should research the effects of a serious head injury that affects the Temporal Lobe (part of the brain if you don't know). I live every day with someone who was given 3 days to live but miraculously pulled through somehow and is who is on the autistic spectrum due to the injury he received so how dare you tell me that I'm wrong. I live with it, and it's effects. DO YOU ? | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. I'm not dismissing it. You really have obviously missed my point entirely. What matters is that we treat each other with respect and decency regardless of what health issues we have. Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. So before you sprout on about neurodiversity and whatever other shit you want to come out with you should research the effects of a serious head injury that affects the Temporal Lobe (part of the brain if you don't know). I live every day with someone who was given 3 days to live but miraculously pulled through somehow and is who is on the autistic spectrum due to the injury he received so how dare you tell me that I'm wrong. I live with it, and it's effects. DO YOU ? " I would say most people on this thread live with the effects or being neurodivergent whether that be autism adhd both or other nuro disorders. | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. I'm not dismissing it. You really have obviously missed my point entirely. What matters is that we treat each other with respect and decency regardless of what health issues we have. Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. So before you sprout on about neurodiversity and whatever other shit you want to come out with you should research the effects of a serious head injury that affects the Temporal Lobe (part of the brain if you don't know). I live every day with someone who was given 3 days to live but miraculously pulled through somehow and is who is on the autistic spectrum due to the injury he received so how dare you tell me that I'm wrong. I live with it, and it's effects. DO YOU ? " So go and start your own thread about TBIs instead of coming on this one and trying to tell all the silly little autists how you know more about autism because you live with someone who doesn't have autism. | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here That's great that old fart recovered to that level. As you can see for many of us we lost that level of functionality or never had it. I can't work full time... so I'm classed as a benefit scrounger to some people. And every year I have to prove to the DWP how ill I actually am. Every two years I get a new manager who tried to fire me from my 16 hours a week. I can't ride a motorbike and I avoid driving because I have to take sedatives which my GP/psychotherapists are reluctant to take me off of. Another thing I have to prove. As for my libido: low to none And I have been single for the last nearly 9 years because I find it impossible to find a suitable partner. I don't feel very equal at all. that's my reality....I don't think OP feels very equal either." Huge hugs Hun xx your brilliant and never forget it xx I put Old Farts recovery down to him being a stubborn shit (bloody arsehole at times though cos he drives me batty sometimes cos he won't let me help him when hes struggling) but he's my old fart and that's what matters. He's an ex paratrooper and I think it's that mindset that he has that has kept him going. He just keeps pushing his boundaries and won't stop. I do worry but I can't stop him, he needs to be him and its who he is. After the head injury, he learned to walk, talk, eat, shit, basically everything unaided within 18 months. He's unstoppable and I won't try to stop him doing anything. One day another Old fart will walk into your life when you least expect it (I sure as hell wasn't looking when he appeared) and he will turn your life upside down just as mine was. I was the committed single mum until he wandered into my heart. I did struggle with his behaviour at times at the start (and sometimes still do) but I had a nephew who had had a head injury so that has helped me to understand him and realise that he wasn't a weirdo but someone who I could love and care for. He maybe on the autistic spectrum but he's brilliant and he's mine for life | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. I'm not dismissing it. You really have obviously missed my point entirely. What matters is that we treat each other with respect and decency regardless of what health issues we have. Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. So before you sprout on about neurodiversity and whatever other shit you want to come out with you should research the effects of a serious head injury that affects the Temporal Lobe (part of the brain if you don't know). I live every day with someone who was given 3 days to live but miraculously pulled through somehow and is who is on the autistic spectrum due to the injury he received so how dare you tell me that I'm wrong. I live with it, and it's effects. DO YOU ? " Firstly, I can't imagine what it is like to suffer a traumatic brain injury, I have seen the impact it has and genuinely sympathise and am glad that he survived and made a recovery. But traumatic brain injuries do not cause autism. And while some of the symptoms are similar to typical symptoms of autism, it's still not Autism. That is am indisputable medical fact. We were born autistic, well die autistic, it's a genetic thing that can't be changed. In March this year I tried to kill myself. And then I tried again in May. The result of being bullied out of a job by am employer that wouldn't support my diagnosis nor make any adjustments but expected me to cure my Autism to continue my employment. I have a limited social circle, I don't have kids, I've never been married, I was an alcoholic and addict, I'm emotionally naive and childlike and often gravitate towards younger people because I have achieved non of the social norms most people of my age have and find it impossible to relate. All of this is connected to trying to fit in to a neurotypical world while not knowing i was autistic. And then there's the typical ASD crap, I can't communicate well, hate the phone, hate change, struggle with new environments, all of that crap, all day every day. So yes i live with it, it's effects and it's impacts every single day. As do all the other regular contributors to this thread. And I get a bit defensive, on my behalf and on the part of all my wonky brained friends and allies when people try and undermine or invalidate our Autism. We aren't 'sprouting on' or 'talking shit', we are sharing our experiences and in our clumsy wonky brained way trying to support each other and empathise with our lived experiences. I agree respect and kindness and understanding trump everything. But read this thread, read the preceeding thread, read other Autism threads, you'll see plenty of evidence that we don't always receive respect or kindness from society as a whole. Autism is a spectrum, we all relate to each other but we all know our experiences while similar will effect us in different ways. But the one thing we all seem to struggle with is people trying to dismiss Autism as not mattering, because it does. Massively. | |||
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"Can we make this thread keycard access only or something. They keep getting in and making a big old mess everywhere." It's just fucking rude, if nothing else! | |||
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"He maybe on the autistic spectrum but he's brilliant" It just keeps on getting worse! If you had autism, you would know how redundant and offensive a sentence like that is. As you don't, maybe leave the thread for those of us who do. This is not your space. | |||
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"Can we make this thread keycard access only or something. They keep getting in and making a big old mess everywhere. It's just fucking rude, if nothing else! " Neurotypicals painting US as the rude, tactless, socially unaware ones is an Enron-level scam | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. I'm not dismissing it. You really have obviously missed my point entirely. What matters is that we treat each other with respect and decency regardless of what health issues we have. Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. So before you sprout on about neurodiversity and whatever other shit you want to come out with you should research the effects of a serious head injury that affects the Temporal Lobe (part of the brain if you don't know). I live every day with someone who was given 3 days to live but miraculously pulled through somehow and is who is on the autistic spectrum due to the injury he received so how dare you tell me that I'm wrong. I live with it, and it's effects. DO YOU ? So go and start your own thread about TBIs instead of coming on this one and trying to tell all the silly little autists how you know more about autism because you live with someone who doesn't have autism." I suggest you learn to read. He IS on the autistic spectrum and as his partner I support him and support anyone who is on the spectrum. If you have trouble understanding that then you need to read slowly | |||
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"I suggest you learn to read. He IS on the autistic spectrum and as his partner I support him and support anyone who is on the spectrum. If you have trouble understanding that then you need to read slowly " The levels of insult you are directing towards autistic people suggests that maybe you do not 'support anyone who is on the spectrum' as much as you think you do. I would suggest it is you who needs to read *the room.* Your posts in this thread are invalidating and unwelcome. | |||
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"It doesn't matter if someone is on the autistic spectrum or not. We are all equal, whether we have or do have not have any health issues. We are all equal. Being autistic is no more and no less a disability than many other unseen / hidden disabilities and anyone who is on the spectrum deserves respect and support as well as understanding. What does matter is that we treat each other with respect and decency. Old fart had a serious brain injury but that doesn't make him any less a person than anyone else. He works full time as a plumber, rides a motorbike and would fuck me bandy every chance he could get. Prejudice has no place on here I'm sorry, but yiu are wrong. I'm not arguing the reasons again but coming on to a thread where people with autism are discussing the impact of being neurodiverse and dismissing it as not mattering really isn't kind or helpful. I'm not dismissing it. You really have obviously missed my point entirely. What matters is that we treat each other with respect and decency regardless of what health issues we have. Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. So before you sprout on about neurodiversity and whatever other shit you want to come out with you should research the effects of a serious head injury that affects the Temporal Lobe (part of the brain if you don't know). I live every day with someone who was given 3 days to live but miraculously pulled through somehow and is who is on the autistic spectrum due to the injury he received so how dare you tell me that I'm wrong. I live with it, and it's effects. DO YOU ? So go and start your own thread about TBIs instead of coming on this one and trying to tell all the silly little autists how you know more about autism because you live with someone who doesn't have autism. I suggest you learn to read. He IS on the autistic spectrum and as his partner I support him and support anyone who is on the spectrum. If you have trouble understanding that then you need to read slowly " Can you support us by going and being patronising somewhere else please? | |||
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"Can we make this thread keycard access only or something. They keep getting in and making a big old mess everywhere. Seems soo and think part of the problem is even though I have seen autism campaigns they still focus heavily on the sensory and physical implications of autism . Ps: your photos are amazing! " They never concentrate on the mini panic attacks or those who are only scoring 14 out of 56 points. He's right about the pics. | |||
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"I suggest you learn to read. He IS on the autistic spectrum and as his partner I support him and support anyone who is on the spectrum. If you have trouble understanding that then you need to read slowly The levels of insult you are directing towards autistic people suggests that maybe you do not 'support anyone who is on the spectrum' as much as you think you do. I would suggest it is you who needs to read *the room.* Your posts in this thread are invalidating and unwelcome." It's ironic given the comment about us all deserving respect and decency. However we'll intentioned the comments weren't appreciated and I really don't understand why, and not for the first time on these threads, people double down on it when a a group of people with ASD (is their a plural fir us? Stealing Darkandlovely's wonky term, are we a bunch of wonkers?) are clearly upset and offended by what is being said. It feels like ableism and it feels like neurotypicals trying to tell us we are wrong rather than listening to us | |||
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"Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. " "He IS on the autistic spectrum and as his partner I support him and support anyone who is on the spectrum. " Head injuries do not put someone on the spectrum. Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder (some say condition) that needs to start in the developmental phase of life. Nobody is 100% sure of the cause, but it isn't head injury. If it does not start in childhood, then it is something else. It might be significant, and it may cause difficulties but it is still something else. | |||
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"Due to the head injuries he received, Old Fart is on the spectrum. He IS on the autistic spectrum and as his partner I support him and support anyone who is on the spectrum. Head injuries do not put someone on the spectrum. Autism Spectrum Disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder (some say condition) that needs to start in the developmental phase of life. Nobody is 100% sure of the cause, but it isn't head injury. If it does not start in childhood, then it is something else. It might be significant, and it may cause difficulties but it is still something else." My pen is anxiously hovering over the "we're all on the spectrum somewhere" box on my Neurotypical Bullshit Bingo card. It's coming, it's coming... | |||
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"My pen is anxiously hovering over the "we're all on the spectrum somewhere" box on my Neurotypical Bullshit Bingo card. It's coming, it's coming..." On a positive note, nobody's blamed vaccines yet. | |||
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"My pen is anxiously hovering over the "we're all on the spectrum somewhere" box on my Neurotypical Bullshit Bingo card. It's coming, it's coming...On a positive note, nobody's blamed vaccines yet. "
That's only because Big Pharma has brainwashed us all to think otherwise. | |||
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"Well, the conversation last night took a disappointing turn. This doesn't feel like a particularly safe space for our discussions when there are NT's interjecting with well-meaning but ultimately insulting and dismissive words. I get enough of that in real life "I think its a good opportunity for nts to understand that meaning we'll can still insult a nd many don't realise this | |||
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" However we'll intentioned the comments weren't appreciated and I really don't understand why, and not for the first time on these threads, people double down on it when a a group of people with ASD (is their a plural fir us? Stealing Darkandlovely's wonky term, are we a bunch of wonkers?) are clearly upset and offended by what is being said. It feels like ableism and it feels like neurotypicals trying to tell us we are wrong rather than listening to us" Bunch of wonkers haha | |||
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"Well, the conversation last night took a disappointing turn. This doesn't feel like a particularly safe space for our discussions when there are NT's interjecting with well-meaning but ultimately insulting and dismissive words. I get enough of that in real life "It is disappointing to see but I hope it doesn't put anyone off supporting others in the thread or gaining support for themselves. | |||
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"Well, the conversation last night took a disappointing turn. This doesn't feel like a particularly safe space for our discussions when there are NT's interjecting with well-meaning but ultimately insulting and dismissive words. I get enough of that in real life "While you are not wrong, there's a lot of positives to be taken, when this thread is faced with those comments there is a united front of support that is quite special | |||
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"Well, the conversation last night took a disappointing turn. This doesn't feel like a particularly safe space for our discussions when there are NT's interjecting with well-meaning but ultimately insulting and dismissive words. I get enough of that in real life
While you are not wrong, there's a lot of positives to be taken, when this thread is faced with those comments there is a united front of support that is quite special "This is true, I appreciate the solidarity amongst us when faced with those challenges. | |||
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"Well, the conversation last night took a disappointing turn. This doesn't feel like a particularly safe space for our discussions when there are NT's interjecting with well-meaning but ultimately insulting and dismissive words. I get enough of that in real life
While you are not wrong, there's a lot of positives to be taken, when this thread is faced with those comments there is a united front of support that is quite special
This is true, I appreciate the solidarity amongst us when faced with those challenges. "Yeah, it was good to see the spirit of self-advocacy alive and well. | |||
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"What a great thread, I've always been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. However, my friend was diagnosed with ADHD 3 years ago and we have exactly the same symptoms so could my anxiety and depression actually just be part of the ADHD. I've been functioning pretty well for years (my whole life) so I'm not sure if being formally diagnosed would benefit me. " ADHD has very similar traits to ASD -- but there are sometimes different reasons for those traits (too much to go into here). However, it's more complex than that, and you can have both, but ADHD-only people usually have more social abilities than those with ASD comorbidity. When it's combined, the ADHD often covers up the symptoms of ASD because the ADHD brain is working things out and adapting at a much faster rate. If you just have ASD alone, then higher intelligence can make you much better at masking through observation of others, thus making the traits almost undetectable. Basically, if you look up the symptoms (and you can find the ICD 11 online) and those symptoms started before adolescence, then you may be on the right track. | |||
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