FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > New to the scene, what are clubs/events like?
New to the scene, what are clubs/events like?
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"I think it's important to realise the club/party scene is varied. There are factors such as: Dress format Price Vibe Numbers/ratios How the club treats single men Facilities These factors effect the experience and its important to get an idea of what you want from a club experience. Which is guess is difficult when you dont really know the club scene or what is on offer. I'd say for me personally the vibe and the people that attend is the most critical aspect. Of course many of these practicalities maybe trumped by your ability to get to clubs or travel. For many a location is the most important factor. So things to think about: How important is the friendliness/sociability of a club to you? How do you feel about dress. Do you prefer a club that is dress to impress, flexible on dress or dress down (everyone in the club is either towel, underwear or naked in all areas)? Are you bothered by clubs that have inferior facilities for single guys or there is a sense that single guys are lesser? Do like a sophisticated lounge, nightclub or spa type of feel to a club? Are you willing to spend the earth on membership and entry. Or do you like something a bit more down to earth for us guys? What sort of facilities are important to you. A nice social area, spa facilities, a dance floor, well equipped kink area, private rooms, open spaces? My point is there are lots of general tips and etiquette to know (I'm sure will be explained on here) but your choice of club and night has a big bearing on your enjoyment. Obviously it's subjective so that's where you have to work out what you want first." Yeah true enough, as you two have said it seems to just be a case of looking into a club and their rules first. For the most part I'm not sure what I'm looking for to be honest! Obviously somewhere that instantly isnt hostile for me just for existing as a solo guy. I'm up for trying anything, I guess I should clarify I know not to be a dick and force myself on other people and being invited is a privilege! For the most part im just be happy to meet some nice people in the scene! I guess my question is more about what the atmosphere is like gnerally? I know that's vague as it's different everywhere. Oh and to tack on, what would you have liked to have known before getting into it? Breaking out the job interview level questions, you know it's serious! | |||
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"Both Ab Fabs & Hellfires are within striking distance, and great clubs for newbies. AbFabs is BIG, with a downstairs pool,Jacuzzis, steam room, sauna etc, and upstairs bar, cinema, dark room, etc. You have to become a member, but it's not expensive. Single guys allowed most nights except Saturday. Sunday afternoon is a lovely relaxed vibe. Hellfires is smaller and more intimate, with a superb dungeon. Single guys allowed most nights except a couple of times a month. Also, look out for local social events." Ah, thank you that's actually really helpful as my next thread was going to be about club recommendations! Abfabs looks quite fun, i might check it out at some point! bit of a trip for me, but it sound well run and worth it! I'll take everyones advice and attend some socials first i think, see what the vibe is like. | |||
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"OP: the thing we'd say is that us couples there are generally just as nervous and shy as the single guys. We normally go to Vanilla Alternative on a Wednesday afternoon. Plenty of single guys and we like it because almost all of them dress down .... Char really doesn't like it when she ends up with an audience of fully dressed guys which has happened at some evening events. The bar may be a good place to start a chat, but we much prefer hanging out in the hottub and if a guy takes Char's fancy then she'll take him off to a play area. It's really a case of trying different things until you find what works for you, so don't give up after your first visit. (Bry)" Yeah i don't blame her for that one! sounds like you're peforming instead of enjoying yourselves at that point I'll try both out, i'd prefer to be similar to you guys and relax for a bit, see if my dashing good looks lures anyone in! but i'm a bit worried about being ostrisized for being single. I'll definetly try it all, thanks for taking your time out to respond! | |||
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"I think Abfabs have introduced a trial membership if that helps, I know the hefty price up front can be off-putting. " That's weirdly convenient! have you both been before? if so what was the experience like for you? | |||
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"Hey guys n' girls, sorry if this is the incorrect forum! but i figured i'd be nosey. So as the title says i've been debating going to a club or an event, but i've never actually been to one so i dunno what the eqituette is, what the experience is like etc? I'm very new to the scene and to 'casual' sex in general to be honest so i'd love to hear what it's like from other people, what your first times were like, and how i'd be treated as a single dude. cheers! " I’ve been to several clubs as a single guy, and they pretty much all followed the same format; they take your money at the door, will give you a tour if you say it’s your first time there, and then that’s it, you’re on your own! Out of a total of 17 club visits, spread over 7 clubs, I can honestly say, that on only one occasion, did a host come to check on me, see how I was getting etc, after I had left the reception area. Every other time, I was instantly forgotten. The focus of attention is always on the couples and single ladies (if there are any). The first club I visited was No.3 in Chorley, and was a huge anti-climax. I was as nervous as anything as I knocked on the front door, but once inside, it felt like a Sunday afternoon in a working men’s club, to what I had imagined (from reading all the tales in here) a Friday night in a swingers club might be. How do you get treated as a single guy in clubs? Hmmm……well, black guys are the most popular, and even have events put on especially for people to meet them. Bi guys are next, and events are also staged for bi people, and even male-only events are available. The rest of us take our chances during the times we are ‘allowed’ in (do check any club you’re looking at when single guys can gain admission), but in general; single guys in clubs are a ‘nice to have’, not a necessity….. I find using Fab far easier to meet likeminded people than visiting clubs, but you may have better experiences. Good luck   | |||
"I’ve been to several clubs as a single guy, and they pretty much all followed the same format...." You sound quite butter and seem to be under the impression that club staff are going to hold your hand and introduce you to people. As a couple, we've been shown around three of the five clubs we've visited, and not once have we been later checked on by staff or hosts. Single guys at clubs ARE necessary for some - we almost exclusively play with single guys at clubs so if they weren't there then we'd not be going. (Bry) | |||
"Hey guys n' girls, sorry if this is the incorrect forum! but i figured i'd be nosey. So as the title says i've been debating going to a club or an event, but i've never actually been to one so i dunno what the eqituette is, what the experience is like etc? I'm very new to the scene and to 'casual' sex in general to be honest so i'd love to hear what it's like from other people, what your first times were like, and how i'd be treated as a single dude. cheers! I’ve been to several clubs as a single guy, and they pretty much all followed the same format; they take your money at the door, will give you a tour if you say it’s your first time there, and then that’s it, you’re on your own! Out of a total of 17 club visits, spread over 7 clubs, I can honestly say, that on only one occasion, did a host come to check on me, see how I was getting etc, after I had left the reception area. Every other time, I was instantly forgotten. The focus of attention is always on the couples and single ladies (if there are any). The first club I visited was No.3 in Chorley, and was a huge anti-climax. I was as nervous as anything as I knocked on the front door, but once inside, it felt like a Sunday afternoon in a working men’s club, to what I had imagined (from reading all the tales in here) a Friday night in a swingers club might be. How do you get treated as a single guy in clubs? Hmmm……well, black guys are the most popular, and even have events put on especially for people to meet them. Bi guys are next, and events are also staged for bi people, and even male-only events are available. The rest of us take our chances during the times we are ‘allowed’ in (do check any club you’re looking at when single guys can gain admission), but in general; single guys in clubs are a ‘nice to have’, not a necessity….. I find using Fab far easier to meet likeminded people than visiting clubs, but you may have better experiences. Good luck "I don't agree with that fully that. Although I do get the sentiment and have shared that experience in some clubs. And its never nice to be treated like a second class citizen, feel exploited or some undervalued side show. But some clubs don't treat guys as second class citizens. Some clubs guys are valued as an important part of the club by the staff/management and the other patrons. Although I would add the caveat that the respect paid to guys in good clubs needs to be matched with respect paid to the club and others by said guys. I have gone to clubs where you are valued as a lone male and oddly enough that's why I keep returning. And I'm not sure if it's linked or just local demographic but clubs that look after single guys tend to have a good selection of single ladies attending too in my experience (another reason to go to these clubs). And when I say look after guys I mean treat with respect and value. Which is different IMO to desperately pandering to guys base desires, packing them in as much as possible and not giving a dam about them once in. That sort of club is never a good environment for all IMO. Also I disagree on clubs vs fab (horses for courses). I find clubs work far better to meet people. I go at my own convenience (life is busy) and get to simple meet people in the flesh (sometimes quite literally). When you just meet someone in the real world you can establish pretty quickly if there is chemistry or not. If there is your all in location and free to act on it. Fab on the otherhand is time consuming and full of potential frustration and disappointment. Even if things seem OK online you can't always full tell the chemistry is right till you take the time to meet in the real world. | |||
"Hey guys n' girls, sorry if this is the incorrect forum! but i figured i'd be nosey. So as the title says i've been debating going to a club or an event, but i've never actually been to one so i dunno what the eqituette is, what the experience is like etc? I'm very new to the scene and to 'casual' sex in general to be honest so i'd love to hear what it's like from other people, what your first times were like, and how i'd be treated as a single dude. cheers! I’ve been to several clubs as a single guy, and they pretty much all followed the same format; they take your money at the door, will give you a tour if you say it’s your first time there, and then that’s it, you’re on your own! Out of a total of 17 club visits, spread over 7 clubs, I can honestly say, that on only one occasion, did a host come to check on me, see how I was getting etc, after I had left the reception area. Every other time, I was instantly forgotten. The focus of attention is always on the couples and single ladies (if there are any). The first club I visited was No.3 in Chorley, and was a huge anti-climax. I was as nervous as anything as I knocked on the front door, but once inside, it felt like a Sunday afternoon in a working men’s club, to what I had imagined (from reading all the tales in here) a Friday night in a swingers club might be. How do you get treated as a single guy in clubs? Hmmm……well, black guys are the most popular, and even have events put on especially for people to meet them. Bi guys are next, and events are also staged for bi people, and even male-only events are available. The rest of us take our chances during the times we are ‘allowed’ in (do check any club you’re looking at when single guys can gain admission), but in general; single guys in clubs are a ‘nice to have’, not a necessity….. I find using Fab far easier to meet likeminded people than visiting clubs, but you may have better experiences. Good luck
I don't agree with that fully that. Although I do get the sentiment and have shared that experience in some clubs. And its never nice to be treated like a second class citizen, feel exploited or some undervalued side show. But some clubs don't treat guys as second class citizens. Some clubs guys are valued as an important part of the club by the staff/management and the other patrons. Although I would add the caveat that the respect paid to guys in good clubs needs to be matched with respect paid to the club and others by said guys. I have gone to clubs where you are valued as a lone male and oddly enough that's why I keep returning. And I'm not sure if it's linked or just local demographic but clubs that look after single guys tend to have a good selection of single ladies attending too in my experience (another reason to go to these clubs). And when I say look after guys I mean treat with respect and value. Which is different IMO to desperately pandering to guys base desires, packing them in as much as possible and not giving a dam about them once in. That sort of club is never a good environment for all IMO.
Also I disagree on clubs vs fab (horses for courses). I find clubs work far better to meet people. I go at my own convenience (life is busy) and get to simple meet people in the flesh (sometimes quite literally). When you just meet someone in the real world you can establish pretty quickly if there is chemistry or not. If there is your all in location and free to act on it. Fab on the otherhand is time consuming and full of potential frustration and disappointment. Even if things seem OK online you can't always full tell the chemistry is right till you take the time to meet in the real world."I believe, because we don’t have any clubs on our doorstep locally, people put more effort in to using Fab, and that’s why I tend to have more success meeting likeminded people through Fab. Yes, there’s messaging ‘ping pong’, and pic swaps etc, but a social meet in a coffee house or pub bar is much easier, and far less effort and expense than travelling the best part of 2 hours, to meet on a night single guys are ‘allowed’ in, with the additional expense of membership and entry fees……but like you said; horses for courses
I can also say, that I’ve never seen more than two or three single ladies in any of the clubs I’ve been to, so going by what you said above, about the clubs you visit who actually appreciate single guys, I have clearly been going to the wrong clubs….. 
I’m glad the scene has worked for you though | |||
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