FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > All goes quiet
All goes quiet
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Hi all,
We are a genuine couple and dont think we look or sound too bad but we are struggling to meet anyone and are wondering if its us or just growing number of fakes.
we have been on here a while and had a couple of meets but find we tend to make contact with a couple or girl, but after 3 or 4 messages, things cool off. We get that people have preferences but it starts all good and then suddenly quiet with no warning. It gets a bit disheartening.
We arent into the club scene as Mrs isn't confident to do that yet but may with friends, so we want to make friends we can swing with or have a good social with. Are we just unlucky or anything wrong with our profile. Or do we just keep going. Any advice would be great. X |
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Nothing wrong with your profile at all! Great mixture of photos, decent info on your bio.
We would definitely like to meet you guys 
What we have found is that if you set plans too far off then things naturally taper off as there’s only so many naughty texts you can send - building excitement is key for us.
We don’t try to plan anything more than 3 weeks away. |
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"Hi all,
We are a genuine couple and dont think we look or sound too bad but we are struggling to meet anyone and are wondering if its us or just growing number of fakes.
we have been on here a while and had a couple of meets but find we tend to make contact with a couple or girl, but after 3 or 4 messages, things cool off. We get that people have preferences but it starts all good and then suddenly quiet with no warning. It gets a bit disheartening.
We arent into the club scene as Mrs isn't confident to do that yet but may with friends, so we want to make friends we can swing with or have a good social with. Are we just unlucky or anything wrong with our profile. Or do we just keep going. Any advice would be great. X"
Can remember when we were newbies.
We found the 121 route a nightmare, the first few meets almost put us off taking our swinging journey any further.
We did venture into a club, terrified us but the excitment level went off the scale.
We then noticed a social meet on a swingers site and popped along.
The rest, as they say, is history.
If we did it all again would probably go to a non dress down club first or a house party where you can stay dressed and just soak up the atmosphere.
Enjoy the ride.  |
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"Hi all,
We are a genuine couple and dont think we look or sound too bad but we are struggling to meet anyone and are wondering if its us or just growing number of fakes.
we have been on here a while and had a couple of meets but find we tend to make contact with a couple or girl, but after 3 or 4 messages, things cool off. We get that people have preferences but it starts all good and then suddenly quiet with no warning. It gets a bit disheartening.
We arent into the club scene as Mrs isn't confident to do that yet but may with friends, so we want to make friends we can swing with or have a good social with. Are we just unlucky or anything wrong with our profile. Or do we just keep going. Any advice would be great. X"
We have found this more and more recently (and we've been here years and met a lot of people). It's not that people are fake or not nterested as such but think lots of people struggle to commit to meeting and they are here for the chat in large part and meet occasionally. We have had so many conversations with ladies and couples in the last few months where all going well until we start to raise dates or ask them to and then things go quiet..... |
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Thanks all for the quick replies, kind words and info. Maybe it is the planning to far off bit as sometimes we have had to do that as cant meet at short notice. At least we are not alone in it, which will give us motivation to continue. Big hugs and thanks x |
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I think you also have to take into account a massive percentage of folks on here have not intention of meeting, so we circumnavigate this by going places that swingers attend.
During or just after Covid it was a bit difficult to judge but now we use our rule of...been on FAB over 6 months, no actual face to face meets, probably not going to happen.
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"I think you also have to take into account a massive percentage of folks on here have not intention of meeting, so we circumnavigate this by going places that swingers attend.
During or just after Covid it was a bit difficult to judge but now we use our rule of...been on FAB over 6 months, no actual face to face meets, probably not going to happen.
"
100% this. We’ve had great convos with people, face pics shared, everything is going on great, so dates are arranged (we have to move heaven and earth for childcare), everyone is up for it…and then, nothing. It’s a real PITA.
Agree with Holy Fuck Sticks, too. Try and arrange something at reasonably short notice, else some of the spark does fizzle out. |
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I believe there is a lot of fake profiles. I also believe a lot of people looking for that real diamond. It's like winning the lottery almost the odds are so against finding a genuine profiles you actually do intend on meeting up or at least talking on the phone to distinguish if they are actually genuine or not. |
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Most people are not mut mutually compatible with most other people and it takes a few messages to ascertain this, to a finer level than just initial physical attraction.
We should thus expect many contacts to wither away. The compatibilities will include preferences, availability as well as personal circumstances. It's not all bad, as you're narrowing down the group, to a better matched selection of potential friends.
Not going to clubs, even for social purposes, will restrict you and limit the field. It's realistic to just visit for nothing other than to get to know people. If there are socials in your area, it would be good to go, to get to know others.
Unfortunately, there is effort involved in finding others who are right for us. Often, quite a lot. |
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The frustrating part is you read people's status they complain about what they are not getting. Or you read status looking for certain things etc. When you reply to them offering what they was complaining about still don't get a positive response so it's all very weird and contradictory sometimes |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
OP....if you weren't so far away, we'd meet you 
We find similar with conversations drying up. We have diary issues and have to work around Char's health so we have to book ahead but I also only know my work shifts three weeks in advance. It gives us a constantly shifting few week window to get things in.
Think the biggest issue is with couples where we start off talking to the guy and it then dries up when either (a) he gets his partner to look and she doesn't fancy us, or realises that we don't full swap or (b) he never had a partner and has found someone else to feed the wank bank.
(Bry) |
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Socials for us have been rather hit or miss, and our time is so limited that clubs work best for us. We’ve taken the decision that spontaneous play in clubs is where it’s at. Of course, sometimes we’ll make lasting connections, other times we won’t, but the sex will be fun regardless! 
That doesn’t rule out meeting couples on here - we’re chatting to a few lovelies at the moment - but we’re more aware now than ever that the likelihood of a meet varies enormously.
Keep trying OP - you’ll get there. Just a crying shame we’re so far away from you! X |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"The frustrating part is you read people's status they complain about what they are not getting. Or you read status looking for certain things etc. When you reply to them offering what they was complaining about still don't get a positive response so it's all very weird and contradictory sometimes "
We get this all the time - if we ever mention about being stood up, a flood of messages from guys that say they'd have turned up. If we'd fancied them then we might have invited them!
(Bry) |
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"Hi all,
We are a genuine couple and dont think we look or sound too bad but we are struggling to meet anyone and are wondering if its us or just growing number of fakes.
we have been on here a while and had a couple of meets but find we tend to make contact with a couple or girl, but after 3 or 4 messages, things cool off. We get that people have preferences but it starts all good and then suddenly quiet with no warning. It gets a bit disheartening.
We arent into the club scene as Mrs isn't confident to do that yet but may with friends, so we want to make friends we can swing with or have a good social with. Are we just unlucky or anything wrong with our profile. Or do we just keep going. Any advice would be great. X"
Could be a bit of both, as previous posters have mentioned.
We tend to find most genuine people don’t initiate any sex chat during messages and we reserve this for socials. This seems to wheedle out any fakes, or dreamers.
We’re also struggle finding the time to organise meets. So now we advertise an initial social meet with the view of playing, if all are happy. This has worked much better, than spending time organising a social and then having to organise another date for play. 
J |
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"The frustrating part is you read people's status they complain about what they are not getting. Or you read status looking for certain things etc. When you reply to them offering what they was complaining about still don't get a positive response so it's all very weird and contradictory sometimes
We get this all the time - if we ever mention about being stood up, a flood of messages from guys that say they'd have turned up. If we'd fancied them then we might have invited them!
(Bry)"
I just find it very weird behaviour. I'm not a very outgoing person and shy in public so I don't visit clubs and events. I would be to nervous shy and even if I did pluck up courage to go I probably wouldn't do anything because again I would feel shy. I can't even piss in a urinal with someone in close proximity I get nervous. |
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I’m just gonna put it out there.. I love meeting couples and unicorns (at clubs).. but after a bad meet a few years ago with a couple (she was full on loopy  has sorta scared me into meeting couples and unicorns again. Not saying I don’t want to cos it would be amazing (when I got the chance). But some may be a little insecure to meet couples and unicorns due to ‘fab life’ x -s (fem) |
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"The frustrating part is you read people's status they complain about what they are not getting. Or you read status looking for certain things etc. When you reply to them offering what they was complaining about still don't get a positive response so it's all very weird and contradictory sometimes
We get this all the time - if we ever mention about being stood up, a flood of messages from guys that say they'd have turned up. If we'd fancied them then we might have invited them!
(Bry)
I just find it very weird behaviour. I'm not a very outgoing person and shy in public so I don't visit clubs and events. I would be to nervous shy and even if I did pluck up courage to go I probably wouldn't do anything because again I would feel shy. I can't even piss in a urinal with someone in close proximity I get nervous. "
Maybe, at this point in your life, the swinging scene is not for you.
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OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not. |
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"OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not."
But you see a lot of profiles saying they can't meet straight away and need time to arrange etc. |
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"OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not.
But you see a lot of profiles saying they can't meet straight away and need time to arrange etc."
You can pretty much guarantee those profiles will not meet or will take a very long time to arrange something. |
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"OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not."
Tbf - quite a wide reaching generalisation, we get 1 possibly 2 nights in the whole month to find people to play with due to commitments in the real world.
As our time is incredibly valuable we do feel the need to get to know someone a little before arranging anything.
In our younger child free days it would never have been an issue, but such is life. |
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"Nothing wrong with your profile at all! Great mixture of photos, decent info on your bio.
We would definitely like to meet you guys
What we have found is that if you set plans too far off then things naturally taper off as there’s only so many naughty texts you can send - building excitement is key for us.
We don’t try to plan anything more than 3 weeks away. "
I think this nails it pretty well. We don't meet all that often but love to chat online with new people. I think that sort of friendzones us as the sexy chat dies down fairly quick and we end up chatting about mortgages  
Some clubs have social-oriented events that may be a good half way for you. Townhouse has a pub quiz night that's really popular. The play areas are available but it's social focused. Maybe look for an event like that or a local organised social and pop along. It's much easier to make connections face to face |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We tend to set aside a date in the diary for a play date and then start messaging and arrange a couple of socials for a few days before.
We have some people that we touch base with from time to time but planning anything weeks in advance doesn’t really work we’ve found.
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"OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not.
Tbf - quite a wide reaching generalisation, we get 1 possibly 2 nights in the whole month to find people to play with due to commitments in the real world.
As our time is incredibly valuable we do feel the need to get to know someone a little before arranging anything.
In our younger child free days it would never have been an issue, but such is life. "
You have basically made my point - life gets in the way and unless you know you can meet you probably won’t be able to.
My observations are not a criticism of anyone - just a reflection that people who can meet will and those who can’t (for whatever reason) won’t. |
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"OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not."
I found this…
The more we chat, the more people we lose..
If I said I wanted a meet that night or the next day then we definitely had one |
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The whole Internet thing is fully of frustration. That why I favour clubs as an individual and as a couple. I/we have busy lives and not really the inclination to spend time and energy running through loops that may result in dead end. So I/we prefer to do all our hooking up in clubs. That way you just turn at your leisure and find who you like on day. Because we find you only really get a good vibe for people in real life. So it prevents so must frustration and wasted efforts. And I/we have made some great freinds in the club scene.
It's also worth noting we've met people on the club scene who we've really enjoyed but we wouldn't have based on their profiles. Likewise people who's profiles are really good but in real life not for us. |
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"OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not.
Tbf - quite a wide reaching generalisation, we get 1 possibly 2 nights in the whole month to find people to play with due to commitments in the real world.
As our time is incredibly valuable we do feel the need to get to know someone a little before arranging anything.
In our younger child free days it would never have been an issue, but such is life.
You have basically made my point - life gets in the way and unless you know you can meet you probably won’t be able to.
My observations are not a criticism of anyone - just a reflection that people who can meet will and those who can’t (for whatever reason) won’t."
But people that like to chat first do meet… I don’t understand what you’re getting at?
Just because a lot of couples don’t message & meet on the same day (a lot do) doesn’t mean that they automatically waste people’s time if we initiate a conversation first, with a view for 7,10,14 days time.
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"
But people that like to chat first do meet… I don’t understand what you’re getting at?
Just because a lot of couples don’t message & meet on the same day (a lot do) doesn’t mean that they automatically waste people’s time if we initiate a conversation first, with a view for 7,10,14 days time.
"
I am not saying people who chat don’t meet at all. Just that _my_ experience is that _I_ am much more likely to have a meet if it is arranged quickly.
I have had meets that have happened that night and meets that have happened several weeks in the future - the commonality is usually that the meet time was arranged without prolonged messaging.
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"
But people that like to chat first do meet… I don’t understand what you’re getting at?
Just because a lot of couples don’t message & meet on the same day (a lot do) doesn’t mean that they automatically waste people’s time if we initiate a conversation first, with a view for 7,10,14 days time.
I am not saying people who chat don’t meet at all. Just that _my_ experience is that _I_ am much more likely to have a meet if it is arranged quickly.
I have had meets that have happened that night and meets that have happened several weeks in the future - the commonality is usually that the meet time was arranged without prolonged messaging.
"
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
Nothing wrong with your profile and you're not unlucky,you're just after the same as most other couples here a bi fem .There's so much competition for it so women can be picky.
If you can get the courage up clubs would be best .It may limit you that the lady doesn't swap partners too ,but some couples enjoy this type of play.
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I’ve recently had 2 females wink me first, message me first, then have loads of communication, talking about meeting up, photos swapped etc. All good, then, as soon as I start mentioning times when I’m free to meet and asking when they are, they either go quiet or just act as if I’ve never asked. They go offline then come back on and ignore the question.
After a week or two of this I just delete and block as I get the feeling that, because there’s an abundance of males on fab, some females think it’s ok that they can just string males along in case they get a better offer.
Only an opinion so go easy |
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"OP - one of the things I have found is that meets that tend to happen will happen quickly. The site has changed over the past few years with more people wanting to chat or “get to know you”. Those people, in my experience, rarely meet.
Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not.
I found this…
The more we chat, the more people we lose..
If I said I wanted a meet that night or the next day then we definitely had one "
In our experience, the more chat and email exchange the less likely a meet will take place.
Outside of parties, clubs and swingers holidays we only meet initially for a drink and chat, can't be bothered with any back pedalling if we don't gel.
This site, like some others has become a mainstream social media platform with a dose of titillation, bit like a Facebook group but the ability to show your tits. |
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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield |
I'm not your target audience so my opinion might not matter. I won't repeat the good advice above, but there's one thing I'd add that I didn't see as I skimmed through the replies. That nonsense text about legal ramifications at the end of your profile. It's meaningless and doesn't actually even make sense if anyone bothers to read it. I've seen/heard it said many times before that some people use its presence as a filter... |
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"
In our experience, the more chat and email exchange the less likely a meet will take place.
"
We've found this as well. Also the more chat there is about "what's going to happen" the more likely it is that nothing will. |
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"From your profile it seems you are looking for soft swap or an ffm. Probably the hardest and second hardest things to find on here for a couple.
It's just the way it is.
*hides in soft swap*  "
Found attending clubs and parties we tend to find what we are looking for and happy to full swap if we gel.
FFM again tends to be with couples we have met previously and rearrange to meet with me (Liz) as one of the FFM and then return the meet with the other guy's wife/partner joining Paul and I.
It's almost impossible to arrange from a site, much easier from a previous meet.
As long as everyone is open and honest and not afraid to ask, it can only be a yes or no. |
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"
In our experience, the more chat and email exchange the less likely a meet will take place.
We've found this as well. Also the more chat there is about "what's going to happen" the more likely it is that nothing will."
This ^ |
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By *emptd2Man
over a year ago
Burgess Hill & Birmingham |
You've got a profile. Your bio is a bit too wordy for me but I understand why couples have specifics on there to whittle down the guys who don't fit their criteria.
Keep going you'll find someone eventually. |
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By *N4funCouple
over a year ago
Manchester |
We've been on for a couple of months and found it very hard, people seem to skip past. Through talking with others we thinks it's because there isn't a Bi female to play with for couples.
We do the social a couple of times a month and play with a couple of single men and couples occasionally, no clubs up to now. The organised socials seems to work best for us and its no pressure.
Just take it at your own pace, hubby still struggles with other women for anything more than soft swing. |
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"OP....if you weren't so far away, we'd meet you
We find similar with conversations drying up. We have diary issues and have to work around Char's health so we have to book ahead but I also only know my work shifts three weeks in advance. It gives us a constantly shifting few week window to get things in.
Think the biggest issue is with couples where we start off talking to the guy and it then dries up when either (a) he gets his partner to look and she doesn't fancy us, or realises that we don't full swap or (b) he never had a partner and has found someone else to feed the wank bank.
(Bry)"
I think A is a really good point. I respond to all first messages on here and most of the time the Mrs is doesn't fancy one or both of them. |
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We’ve expericed this too and my personal opinion is there’s 2 reasons
1 - there’s lots of couples profiles on here where they are just fantasists who like the naughty texts and once they have had their thrill then they move on
2 - the couples who do genuinely want to meet like to ‘juggle’ a number of options (due to point 1 maybe) and then when it comes to the crunch they pick their preferred number 1 option and then drop like a stone the others they are chatting to
All in all the odds aren’t good
Oh and we would meet u in a heartbeat. Great profile and very sexy couple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi all,
We are a genuine couple and dont think we look or sound too bad but we are struggling to meet anyone and are wondering if its us or just growing number of fakes.
we have been on here a while and had a couple of meets but find we tend to make contact with a couple or girl, but after 3 or 4 messages, things cool off. We get that people have preferences but it starts all good and then suddenly quiet with no warning. It gets a bit disheartening.
We arent into the club scene as Mrs isn't confident to do that yet but may with friends, so we want to make friends we can swing with or have a good social with. Are we just unlucky or anything wrong with our profile. Or do we just keep going. Any advice would be great. X"
Sometimes it is harder for couples than singles.
2 singles have to fancy each other.
With 2 couples the man may fancy the other woman but his wife/partner may not fancy the other man and vice versa. |
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Loads of good advice in this thread, and lots of hot couples too so our hot list has grown  . We've only recently returned to the scene post COVID and now find that clubs are the best for us and our r cent trips have been wonderful adventures. Preferably arranging meets with other couples from here, and if they no show or we don't click then it's no bother, we're in an environment we love, where we feel free and can relax together away from the real world pressures, whether we play or not with anyone we meet at the club is no biggie. If you go with no expectations then you won't be disappointed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're not the only ones, we've had a a small number of meets in a year. Our last club trip didn't result in any play with anyone else, not for want of trying. Very much trial and error, but don't take any lack of result to heart.
People can be fickle about the strangest things. Connection and what-not doesn't really matter when the heart's pumping and you're splicing sex organs with the other person's partner. |
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"Are you actively looking to meet or are you in a “chatting” mode? The first mode will get meets. The second will probably not."
This ^^^
"We tend to set aside a date in the diary for a play date and then start messaging and arrange a couple of socials for a few days before. We have some people that we touch base with from time to time but planning anything weeks in advance doesn’t really work we’ve found."
And this!
OP, you have a heavy schedule because of family obligations, so you need to be the ones choosing the date/time for meets. Leaf through your diary and see which dates, weekends, whatever, could work for you to be free for even a social. Contact the people you like that you're in communication suggesting these dates. You may be pleasantly surprised at people actually wanting to meet with you. Putting a date in the diary is something people can aim for, it gives focus to the chats (we've mostly done long turnarounds and it works ok, needs must).
Personally we have enjoyed having a long & lovely conversation with you But I'm gonna give you the same advice I gave you the previous time you posted this question in the forums - be truthful&realistic about how available you really are for meeting up; and be more proactive about arranging the meet you want. Good luck!
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