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Advice from couples with dominant men
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Being a submissive male to my partner I need some advice on how couples with two dominant males and two submissive females work when chatting in a club.
Would it be expected that the two dominant males generally agreed they were going to play and the females go along with it (presuming they were looking for full swap etc), or would it be more mutual with the females deciding too?
Or say in the bar, for example would one male say to the other "do you mind if I touch her breasts?" or would it be expected that the male addressed the female?
I experienced something recently which has bothered me a lot more than I think it should, and before I cast judgment on the (otherwise very respectful) individual, I really want to understand if my issue is because I don't understand the male dominant mindset, and norms which come with that.
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There isn't any hard and fast rule. Personally speaking as a woman I would expect our dynamic to be agreed first, I am not happy to be spoken about in the third person and will always want to be asked. Others might be different. The key as is communication. Also never feel that you are in the wrong if someone has done something that you didn't like but always speak up if you feel you can |
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Thanks.
How would you feel if the male of another couple asked your male if he was allowed to touch you?
Basically a guy asked me if he could play with my partners breasts and it really annoyed me that he thought I had the right to dictate what another man could do to her.
I then found out he was very dominant in his relationship and it made me wonder if he actually was trying to be very respectful by seeking (presumably in his eyes) the dominant's approval.
I just told him to ask her permission.
But it's opened up a whole world of thoughts and questions in my head about this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks.
How would you feel if the male of another couple asked your male if he was allowed to touch you?
Basically a guy asked me if he could play with my partners breasts and it really annoyed me that he thought I had the right to dictate what another man could do to her.
I then found out he was very dominant in his relationship and it made me wonder if he actually was trying to be very respectful by seeking (presumably in his eyes) the dominant's approval.
I just told him to ask her permission.
But it's opened up a whole world of thoughts and questions in my head about this. "
I think if I was in that situation the right thing to have done personally for me would have been to ask both myself and my husbands permission. That way everyone’s on the same page. I know if another guy had asked my husband that question and he was happy for the other guy to do so he’d have told him to ask me if it was okay before touching me at all. |
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That makes sense. His was slightly different maybe because we weren't in conversation. The two females were kissing and he then asked me while they were kissing if he could touch.
One the one hand, great he didn't just touch her, but on the other, I don't have that right to give another man consent over her.
Possibly over thinking this, but it just irked me, maybe unreasonably so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Possibly could be thinking too much into it and he was trying to be respectful since your other half couldn’t answer at that point in time. Your feelings are valid though and it’s nice to see you seem to have a lot of respect for your other half! |
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"Possibly could be thinking too much into it and he was trying to be respectful since your other half couldn’t answer at that point in time. Your feelings are valid though and it’s nice to see you seem to have a lot of respect for your other half!"
Thank you. I think this is what I wanted to hear, he was clearly very dominant and I suspect that he probably behaved how he'd want to be treated. If they have such a relationship that he does or can make those decisions then his behaviour is perfectly reasonable.
Thanks. |
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"Thanks.
How would you feel if the male of another couple asked your male if he was allowed to touch you?
Basically a guy asked me if he could play with my partners breasts and it really annoyed me that he thought I had the right to dictate what another man could do to her.
I then found out he was very dominant in his relationship and it made me wonder if he actually was trying to be very respectful by seeking (presumably in his eyes) the dominant's approval.
I just told him to ask her permission.
But it's opened up a whole world of thoughts and questions in my head about this. "
He assumed your dynamic was the same as theirs. Rookie error |
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"
He assumed your dynamic was the same as theirs. Rookie error"
Yes most likely, and if in that dynamic, that approach is reasonable and accepted then I have no concerns over what happened.
Thanks  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm the Sub in our relationship but Eros would never dream of speaking for me or giving consent to my body on my behalf. He would tell the person to ask me themselves.
Pxx |
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"I'm the Sub in our relationship but Eros would never dream of speaking for me or giving consent to my body on my behalf. He would tell the person to ask me themselves.
Pxx "
So you would someone asking him, rather than you, make you "judge" that person? Ie make you think its someone who would not play with.
For what it's worth, she didn't play with him, partly because of that attitude. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm the Sub in our relationship but Eros would never dream of speaking for me or giving consent to my body on my behalf. He would tell the person to ask me themselves.
Pxx
So you would someone asking him, rather than you, make you "judge" that person? Ie make you think its someone who would not play with.
For what it's worth, she didn't play with him, partly because of that attitude. "
Definitely! I wouldn't go near anyone that thought they could talk over me like that or that anyone else could speak for me.
Pxx |
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We have this happen a lot, they ask Mr if they can touch or kiss me. He has always told the people that they need to ask me.
I can understand it on the occasions that I have been wearing a collar though.
That happening on its own wouldn't put us off playing with people. But if their approach and attitude didn't gel with ours then we wouldn't play. I think you just get a feel for people and on this occasion it didn't feel right for you.
Ms x |
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Even though we are a dom/sub cpl tht does not allow other males to think they can treat joanne like a sub. if we met another dom/sub cpl and we were all on the same page as in the other lady wanted me to dom her and her mr dom joanne then thats all good. the woman should have ultimate say in any play sinarios ect.well thats our take on it anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Consent and communication are key. The rules of engagement should be decided beforehand.
Personally I DON'T want to be asked. It turns me on to be spoken about like an object and completely objectified, offered for groping, ordered to perform. For example my Dom talking about me with a bloke "yeah she's been on hormones. Yeah mate go ahead have a fondle" and this total stranger starts squeezing my tits and Arse, "slip a finger up her And feel it" spoken about like a piece of meat. And ordered "on your knees, that's a good girl now suck and show the man what you can do"
But this is ALWAYS after a discussion about it and he knows what I am happy and not happy to do and always have a safe word. It turns me on to be offered up to strangers. But if you don't like that or want input just say it. Being a sub doesn't mean you accept everything. You have to discuss boundaries. |
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"Consent and communication are key. The rules of engagement should be decided beforehand.
Personally I DON'T want to be asked. It turns me on to be spoken about like an object and completely objectified, offered for groping, ordered to perform. For example my Dom talking about me with a bloke "yeah she's been on hormones. Yeah mate go ahead have a fondle" and this total stranger starts squeezing my tits and Arse, "slip a finger up her And feel it" spoken about like a piece of meat. And ordered "on your knees, that's a good girl now suck and show the man what you can do"
But this is ALWAYS after a discussion about it and he knows what I am happy and not happy to do and always have a safe word. It turns me on to be offered up to strangers. But if you don't like that or want input just say it. Being a sub doesn't mean you accept everything. You have to discuss boundaries. "
I totally understand that, and our relationship is similar. My Mrs owns me and if she wanted me to suck someone's dick, it would definitely not be a question, and she's more than welcome to discuss things with other guys without my involvement.
That however isn't the scenario here.
This is another dominant expecting to talk to the male by default.
I should be clear, my Mrs is dominant, we'd already told this couple that I was sub, yet he still asked me. |
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"We may have slightly different slant on this. If Debs is wearing her padlock* then it's up to me.
* See https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/stories/1047020"
That's very hot. However in my situation there was no sign she was submissive, in fact we'd about 10 seconds earlier been saying how I (male) was submissive to her and that she decides what happens. |
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"I should be clear, my Mrs is dominant, we'd already told this couple that I was sub, yet he still asked me. "
He should have known better. By default you should generally address the dominant partner. |
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