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Clubs and single men.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just had our first dip into the lifestyle at a club in the south east region. My wife wants to go back when single guys are allowed in. But she’s a little apprehensive because of stories of couples and wives being pestered and followed around. Do the clubs enforce their strict zero tolerance strategy on single men harassing couples and wives. Is a polite but firm No Thank-you enough? Thoughts? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We regularly attend several clubs, including a couple in the South East when single guys are allowed in because they’re our favourite nights.
The vast majority of the guys are respectful and appreciative.
Some are more blessed with social skills than others though.
A polite “don’t touch” works 90% of the time and a more firm “F*** off” from Diego has so far always been adequate for the more persistent.
Had a couple of “grabs” here and there but nothing to ever worry us.
Staff are usually very good but remember it can take them a few minutes to realise there’s a problem and react so always be prepared to look after yourself! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That’s reassuring to know. As newbies want to do as much homework as possible before we take the next step. Want to avoid any negative stuff as much as we can but I know it will happen at some point. Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"From our experience if you go to a club where memberships are required for single guys the vast majority tend to behave.
We've been to none members nights and we've witnessed very problems."
Hi the place we tried was strictly members only |
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Funny was also initially apprehensive about single men being full on and stalker ish when at a club, but her mind was put to ease very quickly.
We found a firm no, works well. We did have a one guy who tried to get handsy without invitation he was told to fuck off, and the hostess of the club gave him a bollocking as well. |
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Mostly yes but as in any bar or club in the country you'll occasionally get an idiot trying to push their luck
I've personally worse experiences with couples in clubs than I ever have with single guys, but as above its very occasional and even then it's never been anything other than having to raise my voice to say no when the original polite no hadn't worked, I've never felt unsafe |
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A discussion we had the other night was, it can be hard for others to detect following as they genuinely could just be walking in the same direction, but if you raise concerns with staff you think someone is following then it should be dealt with.
People getting touchy again if its mentioned then that should fall under zero tolerance and that person removed from the club.
Its these kind of people who do not understand the scene/lifestyle and believe they are in a club and going to get sex no matter what they have been told. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for your advice and for sharing your own experiences. It’s reassuring to know there’s support should it be needed. It’s also good to know we can have the confidence to tell any unwanted people to stay clear if necessary. |
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We've been many many times to the Attic which allows single guys, has no membership and we've never once had a problem being followed or any other issue. A single guy came into the couples room once, he got told it's couples only, no problem. We generally stick together and even wait outside the toilet for each other. We find most are just too shy to say anything and just walk around and look about, and they get bad press unfortunately. Some are brave enough to say hello, they're the more successful ones. If you see a guy giving the eye, you can always give the eye back as they may be too shy to make the first move. |
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"We've been many many times to the Attic which allows single guys, has no membership and we've never once had a problem being followed or any other issue. A single guy came into the couples room once, he got told it's couples only, no problem. We generally stick together and even wait outside the toilet for each other. We find most are just too shy to say anything and just walk around and look about, and they get bad press unfortunately. Some are brave enough to say hello, they're the more successful ones. If you see a guy giving the eye, you can always give the eye back as they may be too shy to make the first move."
Ive been to jaydees a couple times and I have that same problem as a single man, I'd happily say hello but haven't got much confidence to walk up to someone I like the look of and start a convo. Just don't know how to approach someone without making myself look like a creepy weirdo lol |
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We avoid the nights when they are allowed unless we are meeting some friends. Far too many pests and chancers, leave the door open for some air and before you know someone is in without invitation. Be prepared to say no early on and never leave the female half alone and be extra vigilant if you are drinking. And be very clear if you are just socialising, some take being polite and friendly as an invitation to have sex. Same applies to couples but so far in our experience we haven't found couples to be pushy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've been many many times to the Attic which allows single guys, has no membership and we've never once had a problem being followed or any other issue. A single guy came into the couples room once, he got told it's couples only, no problem. We generally stick together and even wait outside the toilet for each other. We find most are just too shy to say anything and just walk around and look about, and they get bad press unfortunately. Some are brave enough to say hello, they're the more successful ones. If you see a guy giving the eye, you can always give the eye back as they may be too shy to make the first move.
Ive been to jaydees a couple times and I have that same problem as a single man, I'd happily say hello but haven't got much confidence to walk up to someone I like the look of and start a convo. Just don't know how to approach someone without making myself look like a creepy weirdo lol "
Imagine you were going on a date with someone.
Pre- prepare a little list of light conversational topics beyond “come here often?”
If you take the potential for sex out of your mind for a bit and concentrate on your basic social skills then you should have more success.
The actual chat is just a way for us all to size each other up a bit and get a feel for who you are and that you’re not likely to be a psycho. |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"Just had our first dip into the lifestyle at a club in the south east region. My wife wants to go back when single guys are allowed in. But she’s a little apprehensive because of stories of couples and wives being pestered and followed around. Do the clubs enforce their strict zero tolerance strategy on single men harassing couples and wives. Is a polite but firm No Thank-you enough? Thoughts? "
Can't speak for all clubs but of the most of the ones I've visited do if you let them know your being pestered. A no thank you should be enough in the cast majority of the cases. Us single guys aren't as bad as some people makes us out to be  |
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By *llaandGCouple
over a year ago
London |
" Us single guys aren't as bad as some people makes us out to be "
Couldn’t agree more. If I don’t like something, I’m not afraid to say. That goes for anything or anyone. Tiring to keep hearing that all single men are behaving poorly- it’s just not true.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Us single guys aren't as bad as some people makes us out to be
Couldn’t agree more. If I don’t like something, I’m not afraid to say. That goes for anything or anyone. Tiring to keep hearing that all single men are behaving poorly- it’s just not true.
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Also agree.
The majority are either quietly appreciative or polite and chatty.
Few bad apples and all that. |
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By *he SmithsCouple
over a year ago
East Devon & London |
Even though we I’ve in Devon we’ve settled on Le Boudoir in London as being the best club for single guys for us, guys behave there.
Other clubs we’ve been to seem to tolerate the ‘Silent Pied Piper Conga’ which isn’t for us. Being followed all the time by guys that can’t make conversation is a real turn off.
Not only is it selective entry at LB but dress code and environment means guys make an effort too so the eye candy works both ways.
Plus the owners run a very tight ship, any nonsense isn’t tolerated and therefore Mrs Smith is much more relaxed and open to attention.
It’s usually a lot of fun, works for us. |
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We've generally not been adversely affected by the single guys and actually prefer those nights to couples only nights. We like to be seen when we play so we expect guys might follow if we move from a purely social area to a play area. If the guys are being a pain or you don't want them to watch/follow usually a disapproving look or a simple "not now" usually suffices.
Just going to cut the single guys a bit of slack; it might not always be obvious; are you a couple that want to be watched or are you a couple that want to be left alone.
As with a lot of things in the swinging world it's all about communication. |
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We’ve never had a problem with single guys that a polite “no” hasn’t resolved. We also prefer nights where they are allowed in, mainly because we love being watched. You get the odd follower but a stern look in the eye usually communicates “we have noticed you are following us and stop it you creepy stalker!” |
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By *llaandGCouple
over a year ago
London |
"Reading the replies it seems single guys are not liked very much "
People that are unlikeable aren't liked very much. And the relative number of single men implies that there are more unlikeable single men on here. My advice as a previous single man on here?
Be likeable
G |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
I go to clubs by myself and prefer events a single man are welcomed. Most of the single men I see at clubs have good social skills and and know how to engage and behave appropriately.
If I was to read everything on this site and take my view from that I think I would be concerned but from what I see in clubs, I feel they are very safe places to meet people in the lifestyle. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"Whats all this social skills about surley a man is a man no matter what social circles he is from or what job he has same for women sounds abit stuck up "
Nothing whatsoever to do with social circles, I was talking about social skills, being able to behave appropriately in social situations.
Not at all to do with his job or social circle. |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"Whats all this social skills about surley a man is a man no matter what social circles he is from or what job he has same for women sounds abit stuck up
Nothing whatsoever to do with social circles, I was talking about social skills, being able to behave appropriately in social situations.
Not at all to do with his job or social circle."
So if your an Eton and Oxbridge alumni, you can't stand in the corner wanking away while staring you down ?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single attendee at a se club I was a little creeped out by the amount of guys following me and a ladie around as we was just chatting and she was just showing me around I think 5 guys was constantly following us |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
As a percentage, single guys are more sociable and have better social skills than anyone ...it's just the number of them and the situation (where they invariably have to initiate the conversation?
that results in the perception of awkward single guys ...also no definitely means no for them ...
I have seen some male halves of couples behave in a way that no single guy would even entertain , Just because he thinks he somehow can because he's part of a couple ...most decent clubs have a great mix of single guys and on those nights it's a great vibe and atmosphere ...less couples sitting by themselves looking at each other ....
Go for it you will enjoy it ... particularly if you make a little effort in initiating a hello ...
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"Reading the replies it seems single guys are not liked very much "
You must be reading a different thread.
We posted we like, in fact preferred, the single men's nights as did at least 4 or 5 other posts saying they like when the single men were allowed.
Of course no one, in the swing world or otherwise, wants to be pestered or have to deal with someone being a nuisance.
But so long as they can 'read a room' and act accordingly ie, is this person/couple interested or not then all is well with the world. |
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