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Swinging and Autism?
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck? Feels very tough to get to know people and meet when you struggle with conversation and social ques lol, thinking of just being straight up about it in the bio which might blow most chances but at least people that understand it may still be interested." Adding something on your profile about your autism will help not only inform people that you struggle with social situations but likely be a big green flag for the ladies on here with autism and other neurodivergence's. | |||
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck? Feels very tough to get to know people and meet when you struggle with conversation and social ques lol, thinking of just being straight up about it in the bio which might blow most chances but at least people that understand it may still be interested. Adding something on your profile about your autism will help not only inform people that you struggle with social situations but likely be a big green flag for the ladies on here with autism and other neurodivergence's. " Exactly this. 
Swinging is definitely not a lost cause just because you are ND. | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look"." Please can I join you in your neurodiverse naughty commune?? | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look"." This post sums us up perfectly. We totally feel this way | |||
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"As an austistic man I'm still coming to terms this do you guys think it's best to tell people on this site who you are getting to know and chatting Just that last thing I want is to scare people off" Scaring people off is my fear lol.. Hard enough finding a meet | |||
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck? Feels very tough to get to know people and meet when you struggle with conversation and social ques lol, thinking of just being straight up about it in the bio which might blow most chances but at least people that understand it may still be interested. Adding something on your profile about your autism will help not only inform people that you struggle with social situations but likely be a big green flag for the ladies on here with autism and other neurodivergence's. " Absolutely this. I’ve got AutDHD (autism+ADHD) and seeing this as part of an interesting profile would make it much easier for me to message first. | |||
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck? Feels very tough to get to know people and meet when you struggle with conversation and social ques lol, thinking of just being straight up about it in the bio which might blow most chances but at least people that understand it may still be interested." Swinging is generally inclusive and I believe it takes peoples of all shapes sizes etc. Most swinging in my opinion is networking so therefore it is best communicate trendy you do are autistic. | |||
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"As an austistic man I'm still coming to terms this do you guys think it's best to tell people on this site who you are getting to know and chatting Just that last thing I want is to scare people off Scaring people off is my fear lol.. Hard enough finding a meet" The sort of person 'scared off' because you have disclosed you are autistic isn't goung to be the sort of person thst you are ever goung to meet anyway... | |||
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck? Feels very tough to get to know people and meet when you struggle with conversation and social ques lol, thinking of just being straight up about it in the bio which might blow most chances but at least people that understand it may still be interested. Adding something on your profile about your autism will help not only inform people that you struggle with social situations but likely be a big green flag for the ladies on here with autism and other neurodivergence's. Absolutely this. I’ve got AutDHD (autism+ADHD) and seeing this as part of an interesting profile would make it much easier for me to message first." If only there were more women like you!! | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look"." This has made me smile and sounds like an very happy place indeed. | |||
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck?" I'm autistic and do okay, but I limit meets as life is too busy. You might find that you get on better with other autistics. (Have you heard of the Double Empathy problem?) Alice isn't autistic, but she is also neurodivergent, so that helps (and also doesn't! lol). | |||
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck? Feels very tough to get to know people and meet when you struggle with conversation and social ques lol, thinking of just being straight up about it in the bio which might blow most chances but at least people that understand it may still be interested." Mr here. I’m autistic - I have Aspergers. (Or whatever the fuck it’s called this week  ) I’m upfront about it, because I’m useless with faces and names. I basically say “You could sit on my face, and I’d still not get the hint!”
It’s never been a problem | |||
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"It would be good to see a ND section added to the forums. This topic seems to come up a fair amount. I'm currently writing a book on autism, but I don't think there'll be a chapter on swinging! "But could there not be a section on sexual desire? | |||
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"It would be good to see a ND section added to the forums. This topic seems to come up a fair amount. I'm currently writing a book on autism, but I don't think there'll be a chapter on swinging!
But could there not be a section on sexual desire? "I agree I think this should be highlighted. | |||
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"It would be good to see a ND section added to the forums. This topic seems to come up a fair amount. I'm currently writing a book on autism, but I don't think there'll be a chapter on swinging!
But could there not be a section on sexual desire? "There's a chapter on relationships. | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look"." This... let's do it | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look". This... let's do it" Please can I join you there?? | |||
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"It would be good to see a ND section added to the forums. This topic seems to come up a fair amount. I'm currently writing a book on autism, but I don't think there'll be a chapter on swinging! "We are in a telegram group chat with a lot of swingers (it's an alum group for a local social) and we discovered an unusually high percentage of us were ND in some way or another (mostly ASD & ADHD). It was suggested that maybe because our brains aren't wired the same way as most of the gen pop we have an easier time accepting and thriving in less conventional relationships. I think seeing someone is ND would make us more open to meeting, and we could just discuss potential difficulties beforehand. For example, we suck at reading subtle signs. You either need to flirt outrageously or tell us straight out that you are up for moving things along, otherwise we will probably just talk your ear off all night  | |||
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"I was diagnosed a few months, well... about 6 months ago as having aspergers. I don't tend to mention it. Not out of any kind of shame... I'm just not sure how big a difference it makes. I understand it affects us all differently though " Didn't think there had been a diagnosis for Asperger's since 2013, as it's all ASD and different parts of the spectrum now, correct me if I'm wrong though. | |||
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"I was diagnosed a few months, well... about 6 months ago as having aspergers. I don't tend to mention it. Not out of any kind of shame... I'm just not sure how big a difference it makes. I understand it affects us all differently though Didn't think there had been a diagnosis for Asperger's since 2013, as it's all ASD and different parts of the spectrum now, correct me if I'm wrong though." That was certainly true for the kids assessments, not sure about adult diagnosis. The doctors did say things like this would have been a text book Asperger's diagnosis a few years back though. | |||
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"I was diagnosed a few months, well... about 6 months ago as having aspergers. I don't tend to mention it. Not out of any kind of shame... I'm just not sure how big a difference it makes. I understand it affects us all differently though Didn't think there had been a diagnosis for Asperger's since 2013, as it's all ASD and different parts of the spectrum now, correct me if I'm wrong though. That was certainly true for the kids assessments, not sure about adult diagnosis. The doctors did say things like this would have been a text book Asperger's diagnosis a few years back though. " The aspergers diagnosis hasn't been used for several years now I'm bot sure whether it's this thread or elsewhere there's a brief discussion but the Dr who coinedvthe phrase was heavily involved in the Nazi regime in WW2 We're all high functioning ASD now I think | |||
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"I'm bot sure whether it's this thread or elsewhere there's a brief discussion but the Dr who coinedvthe phrase was heavily involved in the Nazi regime in WW2 We're all high functioning ASD now I think " Hans Asperger was the doctor. However, we are most certainly *not* high functioning ASD. Functional labels should not form part of any medical diagnosis, as they are inaccurate and unhelpful. We're all autistic these days, though the DSM does distinguish between support levels. | |||
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"Wow ..great to see this brought up ..but I've been saying for a long time I think most swingers or those attracted to swinging are on the spectrum ..." I've often wondered about the high incidence of autistic people in the swinging world. I guess we are drawn to unconventional relationships and don't feel as bound by silly social rules. | |||
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Being autistic I find myself unknowingly gravitating towards ND men, mostly through the forum. Over the years I've met several ND men who haven't had any trouble getting meets, at least no more trouble than any other man on here. | |||
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"I do alright mate and I’m Autistic with some other NLDs chucked in for good measure. Fab and Tinder helped me polish some skills I was lacking like flirting and just general small talk. Still not nailed the eye contact yet "Look at the tip of the nose. People think you're making eye contact but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much. | |||
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"Look at the tip of the nose. People think you're making eye contact but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much. " I used to look at the bridge of someone's nose. However, I no longer do. If I find something uncomfortable or painful, I'm not going to do it. It's the neurotypical assumptions around eye contact that needs to change, not us. | |||
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"Does anyone struggle with communication on here? Txting too much or too little? Aaking too many many questions? " Completely, but I love it when yiu find someone else with the same energy around messages | |||
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"Look at the tip of the nose. People think you're making eye contact but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much. I used to look at the bridge of someone's nose. However, I no longer do. If I find something uncomfortable or painful, I'm not going to do it. It's the neurotypical assumptions around eye contact that needs to change, not us. "
I've spent a lifetime masking to meet neurotypical expectations and the best thing about my diagnosis was the realisation I'm done with that whenever and where ever possible | |||
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"Does anyone struggle with communication on here? Txting too much or too little? Aaking too many many questions? " Yes! Far too much and many many questions when I have a shiny new friend. My ND friends get it, but I do worry about pissing off the neurotypicals. | |||
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"Does anyone struggle with communication on here? Txting too much or too little? Aaking too many many questions? Yes! Far too much and many many questions when I have a shiny new friend. My ND friends get it, but I do worry about pissing off the neurotypicals." The fact that my ND friends will plainly say "dude, you're being a bit intense. I like you but I need some quiet time" means I always know where I stand. The NTs don't do that, they're too polite. Then they eventually ghost me, or rather I ghost them first because I'm worrying about pissing them off. It's a conundrum. | |||
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"Does anyone struggle with communication on here? Txting too much or too little? Aaking too many many questions? This is Exactly how I am and I then get awful anxiety as I don't know if I'm being too much and scared of scary people off Yes! Far too much and many many questions when I have a shiny new friend. My ND friends get it, but I do worry about pissing off the neurotypicals. The fact that my ND friends will plainly say "dude, you're being a bit intense. I like you but I need some quiet time" means I always know where I stand. The NTs don't do that, they're too polite. Then they eventually ghost me, or rather I ghost them first because I'm worrying about pissing them off. It's a conundrum. "  | |||
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"Look at the tip of the nose. People think you're making eye contact but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much. I used to look at the bridge of someone's nose. However, I no longer do. If I find something uncomfortable or painful, I'm not going to do it. It's the neurotypical assumptions around eye contact that needs to change, not us.
I've spent a lifetime masking to meet neurotypical expectations and the best thing about my diagnosis was the realisation I'm done with that whenever and where ever possible "I don't disagree with all that. I was just giving my advice for those rare occasions where you need to 'pass'. Thankfully my work are awesome, my friends are all ND, as are my friends on the swinging/BDSM scene. Masking is something I very rarely do now if ever. It's been so much better for my mental health | |||
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"Wow ..great to see this brought up ..but I've been saying for a long time I think most swingers or those attracted to swinging are on the spectrum ... I've often wondered about the high incidence of autistic people in the swinging world. I guess we are drawn to unconventional relationships and don't feel as bound by silly social rules." Totally agree with this! | |||
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"Look at the tip of the nose. People think you're making eye contact but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much. I used to look at the bridge of someone's nose. However, I no longer do. If I find something uncomfortable or painful, I'm not going to do it. It's the neurotypical assumptions around eye contact that needs to change, not us.
I've spent a lifetime masking to meet neurotypical expectations and the best thing about my diagnosis was the realisation I'm done with that whenever and where ever possible
I don't disagree with all that. I was just giving my advice for those rare occasions where you need to 'pass'.
Thankfully my work are awesome, my friends are all ND, as are my friends on the swinging/BDSM scene.
Masking is something I very rarely do now if ever. It's been so much better for my mental health"I do get that. Stopping making and just showing myself to be different after diagnosis has so helped my mental health too! | |||
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"Look at the tip of the nose. People think you're making eye contact but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much. I used to look at the bridge of someone's nose. However, I no longer do. If I find something uncomfortable or painful, I'm not going to do it. It's the neurotypical assumptions around eye contact that needs to change, not us.
I've spent a lifetime masking to meet neurotypical expectations and the best thing about my diagnosis was the realisation I'm done with that whenever and where ever possible
I don't disagree with all that. I was just giving my advice for those rare occasions where you need to 'pass'."Sorry, I didn't mean anything I said as a criticism of you. Not at all. We are all very much on our own journeys, for our own reasons, etc. And, sometimes, heartbreakingly, some people may need to pass to feel safe. I was simply expressing that from my perspective I do not think we should settle on that as a permanent solution. I changed my mind when someone described masking as 'make it till you break it.' And I'm not willing to be broken for NTs again. | |||
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"To be honest I think men out number girls on sites like this " Vastly. Possibly 10 to 1. Its hard for all men. | |||
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"How do you cope with disappointment! I suffer with RSD so any cancelled meet is really difficult to deal with." I think rejection can be difficult for anyone. I don't know how I'd cope if I had Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Maybe you can give advice to the rest of us? Did you get any help, suggestions or techniques after you received your diagnosis? Speaking for myself, I *have* to not take swinging very seriously, whether it's the good or the bad. It's like losing a kick-around with some mates. But I have to regularly remind myself of that and it can be easier said than done. | |||
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"How do you cope with disappointment! I suffer with RSD so any cancelled meet is really difficult to deal with. The fact that it's been easy chatting to them is big as it doesn't happen often..... then organising a meet of where over days / weeks to be then told it's not going to happen because of all sorts of reasonable reasons is so ridiculously hard for me. I've put so much effort into arranging a meet and sorting out an outfit and all sorts of other things that they won't be aware of as it's just what I do is such a disappointment. I try to rationalise it but still end up really upset "It's so hard, isn't it. Emotion regulation was never my strong point, but after have DBT and learning self-soothing techniques I'm a bit better at staying grounded and resisting the compulsion to crawl in a hole to die. Just sitting with the emotion, accepting your experience of it, is important as it'll teach you it isn't as awful and scary as you fear and it'll fade away after a while. When your brain begins to play it's tricks by telling you you're not good enough and that you've been rejected, try to take a step back and observe the thoughts. Recognise it for what it is, just a negative thought, not a fact or someone else's opinion. I named that negative voice in my head to create distance between myself and it. It takes the sting out of the thoughts that come from that voice as you can think of them as coming from a separate entity. My negative voice is called Carol. | |||
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"I prefer to say ‘ASC’ as in ‘autistic spectrum condition’ rather than describing it as a disorder as in ASD. " | |||
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"I prefer to say ‘ASC’ as in ‘autistic spectrum condition’ rather than describing it as a disorder as in ASD. " Absolutely. Even some professionals say that these days, which is really saying something! Though personally, I just say "autism" nowadays. | |||
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"I prefer to say ‘ASC’ as in ‘autistic spectrum condition’ rather than describing it as a disorder as in ASD. Absolutely. Even some professionals say that these days, which is really saying something! Though personally, I just say "autism" nowadays. " This | |||
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"I am neuro divergent - autism - asperges & going to get re-evaluated for adhd I would love to say that I've had luck on here but unfortunately not." 8 weeks is not a long time on here. | |||
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"I am neuro divergent - autism - asperges & going to get re-evaluated for adhd I would love to say that I've had luck on here but unfortunately not. 8 weeks is not a long time on here." So I lost the details to my old account so also lost the verification from the club which sucked , So before my previous relationship (a short few month 1 earlier this year) I was on and off here for 3 years. Again with no meets, | |||
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"So I lost the details to my old account so also lost the verification from the club which sucked , So before my previous relationship (a short few month 1 earlier this year) I was on and off here for 3 years. Again with no meets, " Are there any other solutions that could work for you? What about seeing if you could find someone - preferably also ND - to go to a club with you? Or ask in the forums for feedback on your profile? (I'd maybe mention that you were autistic; hopefully people would be kinder then.) | |||
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"So I lost the details to my old account so also lost the verification from the club which sucked , So before my previous relationship (a short few month 1 earlier this year) I was on and off here for 3 years. Again with no meets, Are there any other solutions that could work for you? What about seeing if you could find someone - preferably also ND - to go to a club with you? Or ask in the forums for feedback on your profile? (I'd maybe mention that you were autistic; hopefully people would be kinder then.) " Have In my profile neuro divergent wasn't sure to put autism,as didn't want to come across negative and push potential meets away. Haven't exactly got friends that would go (or really friends as a mater) | |||
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"In recent times I've come to realise that I'm ND. It does have an impact on relationships for sure as I have a different outlook on some things than a lot of people do. You just have to make it work." Completely, things would be soo much more simple if things could just be straight to the point. I want to meet others because I enjoy sex and love to please , I have tried to approach as social side as that seems to be what people want ... | |||
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Me too, asd and adhd diagnosed at 39 (now 44) having masked all my life its normal now-
But am considering putting on profile. Great post to (OP) thank you | |||
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"Anyone have issues with over sharing? Talking too much when nervous? "Hell yes! But that's true in most situations and I tend to find people who are similar and not scared off! | |||
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"Anyone have issues with over sharing? Talking too much when nervous? "Yes, I either do that or struggle to find anything to say! Then overanalyze later! | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. " Finding another neurodivergent "in the field" and having one of those beautiful conversations that zaps from A to B to F to D to G and flows and evolves like water and fire all at the same time and even though you can't keep track you also intuitively know exactly where it's going...oh, it's a thing of beauty. | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. " "My people" totally sums it up when I meet another neurodeviant. It's like a safe place, or finding someone else who speaks your language in a foreign land. | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. Finding another neurodivergent "in the field" and having one of those beautiful conversations that zaps from A to B to F to D to G and flows and evolves like water and fire all at the same time and even though you can't keep track you also intuitively know exactly where it's going...oh, it's a thing of beauty. " Yes, so much this. Its fucking brilliant isn't it? People that get my tangents and randomness and how any conversation with me jumps all over the place without looking at me like I'm a freak, finding those people is the best | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. "My people" totally sums it up when I meet another neurodeviant. It's like a safe place, or finding someone else who speaks your language in a foreign land." When I found out I was autistic, and it all went to shit and I was trying to kill myself inbetween hiding from the entire world and trying to accept I no longer had a job, a friend said to me I'd find "my people" and it would all come good and they were so right. | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look"." Please take me with you, finding it all very difficult rn | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look". Please take me with you, finding it all very difficult rn "Please feel free to PM us. Alice and I are both neurodivergent. The loneliness of not feeling like we're on the right planet is no joke. We've also both been through bouts of depression, anxiety and what have you. Anyway, if you are struggling, please know that although it feels like it - you are not alone. - Jack. | |||
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"Im ND, i have had to make my profile as direct as possible because i find social situations and telephone conversatons impossible so i aways ask guys who message me have you read my profile. Most dislike my bluntness. Im not overly bothered because i cant be someone i am not. Its exhausting trying to mask so i dont bother now." As ND too I love the direct approach! What a pity I'm not nearer! | |||
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"Sounds like a Neurodivergent Social is in order? Might be chaotic, might be hilarious, but would be good for people to have a social where they can just be themselves
"Yeah, sounds great! | |||
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"Sounds like a Neurodivergent Social is in order? Might be chaotic, might be hilarious, but would be good for people to have a social where they can just be themselves
"Oh pleaseeee | |||
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"Sounds like a Neurodivergent Social is in order? Might be chaotic, might be hilarious, but would be good for people to have a social where they can just be themselves
"Or where people don't think we're weird for being ourselves! I think it might be hilariously chaotic but utterly brilliant! | |||
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"Sounds like a Neurodivergent Social is in order? Might be chaotic, might be hilarious, but would be good for people to have a social where they can just be themselves
"Sign me up! | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. Finding another neurodivergent "in the field" and having one of those beautiful conversations that zaps from A to B to F to D to G and flows and evolves like water and fire all at the same time and even though you can't keep track you also intuitively know exactly where it's going...oh, it's a thing of beauty. " Love this | |||
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"I had a friend that suffered with autism she was on here and not saying everyone is like it but the abuse she got because of it made her leave this site and that was not just the men women aswell " Sounds like she didn't "suffer with autism." Seems more like she suffered with neurotypical arseholes! | |||
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"I had a friend that suffered with autism she was on here and not saying everyone is like it but the abuse she got because of it made her leave this site and that was not just the men women aswell Sounds like she didn't "suffer with autism." Seems more like she suffered with neurotypical arseholes! " Think that pretty much sums up the ND experience tbf. | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts." Really? That's not my experience. I don't believe everyone is on the spectrum either but I guess that's the beauty of life, we all have different views and experiences. | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts." Not everyone is on the spectrum as it's purely a spectrum of Autism, not a spectrum of all human neurological states. | |||
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"It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts." No, that's a misunderstanding of what the word 'spectrum' means in this context. | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts." I'm sure you meant well, but as the parent of an autistic kid you really should be aware enough to know that's total rubbish. The spectrum refers to the multidimensional spectrum of behaviours in each autistic individual, not a universal linear spectrum everybody sits on somewhere. It's like saying we're all a bit diabetic when our blood sugar rises, or we've all got a bit of cancer because we have a level of abnormal cells. | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts. I'm sure you meant well, but as the parent of an autistic kid you really should be aware enough to know that's total rubbish. The spectrum refers to the multidimensional spectrum of behaviours in each autistic individual, not a universal linear spectrum everybody sits on somewhere. It's like saying we're all a bit diabetic when our blood sugar rises, or we've all got a bit of cancer because we have a level of abnormal cells." I said I can see the same traits, I can see how it may have been badly received but the intention was good. Autism is not a bad or good thing, it's just different and we all have our own foibles that someone else can think are odd. But, it's just people. Having a diagnosis helps in some areas, but even without one, you should just be kind to people. | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts." You are not all on it. And it really frustrates me when neurotypicals dismiss ASD and ADHD in such a way. For the sake of your kid, please, please get a better understanding. I have spent my entire life wondering why basic things stressed me out or I couldn't do them when so many people found it easy, I've spent the last 10 months at last understanding why it is but still am frustrated that my mind works in a very different way. Please don't say we're all a little bit Autistic, it's incredibly fuckubg hurtful and frustrating | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts. I'm sure you meant well, but as the parent of an autistic kid you really should be aware enough to know that's total rubbish. The spectrum refers to the multidimensional spectrum of behaviours in each autistic individual, not a universal linear spectrum everybody sits on somewhere. It's like saying we're all a bit diabetic when our blood sugar rises, or we've all got a bit of cancer because we have a level of abnormal cells. I said I can see the same traits, I can see how it may have been badly received but the intention was good. Autism is not a bad or good thing, it's just different and we all have our own foibles that someone else can think are odd. But, it's just people. Having a diagnosis helps in some areas, but even without one, you should just be kind to people." I'm sure the comment was well meaning but doubling down on it when multiple people are clearly frustrated by it doesn't really feel like you are being kind? | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts. I'm sure you meant well, but as the parent of an autistic kid you really should be aware enough to know that's total rubbish. The spectrum refers to the multidimensional spectrum of behaviours in each autistic individual, not a universal linear spectrum everybody sits on somewhere. It's like saying we're all a bit diabetic when our blood sugar rises, or we've all got a bit of cancer because we have a level of abnormal cells. I said I can see the same traits, I can see how it may have been badly received but the intention was good. Autism is not a bad or good thing, it's just different and we all have our own foibles that someone else can think are odd. But, it's just people. Having a diagnosis helps in some areas, but even without one, you should just be kind to people. I'm sure the comment was well meaning but doubling down on it when multiple people are clearly frustrated by it doesn't really feel like you are being kind?" No, it feels like a dog pile right now | |||
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"As a father of an autistic kid, watching him grow up and spot the cues, I see similar traits in pretty much the entire human race. It's a spectrum and we are all on it, just not on the same parts. I'm sure you meant well, but as the parent of an autistic kid you really should be aware enough to know that's total rubbish. The spectrum refers to the multidimensional spectrum of behaviours in each autistic individual, not a universal linear spectrum everybody sits on somewhere. It's like saying we're all a bit diabetic when our blood sugar rises, or we've all got a bit of cancer because we have a level of abnormal cells. I said I can see the same traits, I can see how it may have been badly received but the intention was good. Autism is not a bad or good thing, it's just different and we all have our own foibles that someone else can think are odd. But, it's just people. Having a diagnosis helps in some areas, but even without one, you should just be kind to people. I'm sure the comment was well meaning but doubling down on it when multiple people are clearly frustrated by it doesn't really feel like you are being kind? No, it feels like a dog pile right now" Stop deflecting. People were very measured in how they corrected you. Own your mistake and learn from it instead of playing the victim with that inane "bekind" rubbish. | |||
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"Well, as someone on the spectrum, I can say I have yet to meet anyone. I've been using the site for months, I've been open and honest after rewrite after rewrite of my profile, and I've only ever had one person/couple who actively engages in conversation with me, everyone else has read my messages and either deleted it right off the bat or never responded. It gets very deflating after a few weeks of no engagement, even a simple "no thank you" would be better than just being ignored. " That probably has nothing to do with being on the spectrum but everything to being male. If your only way of approach is by being part of a flood of emails in a mail box, your less likely to get a response. If face to face interactions are a problem, make use of the chat rooms first. Watch the group conversations and then contribute when you feel confident. As that confidence and familiarity grows you can try to have private chat. Who knows, you may get meets in that way. Don't give up and don't expect to be everyone's cup of tea. | |||
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"No, it feels like a dog pile right now" You alluded to an expression that many autistic people find offensive and which is objectively incorrect ('we're all on the spectrum'). So, when you see people responding to that and pointing out why it's wrong, maybe listen to them and learn. And maybe then it would not feel like such a 'dogpile.' | |||
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" My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol" Interesting! If you don't mind me asking... Do you think it's an accurate diagnosis? I've seen a pattern emerging where people feel they have been misdiagnosed with a BPD, when they are actually autistic or AuADHD. | |||
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" My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol Interesting! If you don't mind me asking... Do you think it's an accurate diagnosis? I've seen a pattern emerging where people feel they have been misdiagnosed with a BPD, when they are actually autistic or AuADHD. " Interestingly a friend of mine has just been diagnosed ADHD at 40 and is really struggling with the fact they have been told that their longstanding diagnosis of Bipolar is probably incorrect. I didn't know it was a common theme | |||
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"Actually I am trying to get seen for Adhd as I have a lot of the associated trates. The EUPD I would say is acurate to some degree but trying to actualy get some one to look properly is a nightmare. At one point a doctor thought I was bipolar but as soon as I had the asd diagnosis it was a case of no no no it's all that. Frustrates the hell out of me because the diagnosis don't fix things but allows me to know what's there and then I can teach my self how to cope. " It seems to be the same old story! People get diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun before they eventually get to the bottom of things and realise they are actually dealing with a neurodivergent person who has masked their entire lives. In the meantime months and years go by and lives are ruined. They seem to rule it out if it wasn't diagnosed as child, I'm not sure who they expect to pick it up! Family!? Who are likely to have it themselves and not realise, Teachers!? Who never spend one to one time with children due to the class sizes, god knows who! I don't know how much you know about ADHD but it's definitely worth digging further and getting yourself on a waiting list for assessment if you think that diagnosis fits better. Once you get to the bottom of things it will hopefully help you to get to know yourself a little better and give you opportunity to get the right support to put those coping mechanisms in place. Good luck! | |||
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"Actually I am trying to get seen for Adhd as I have a lot of the associated trates. The EUPD I would say is acurate to some degree but trying to actualy get some one to look properly is a nightmare. At one point a doctor thought I was bipolar but as soon as I had the asd diagnosis it was a case of no no no it's all that. Frustrates the hell out of me because the diagnosis don't fix things but allows me to know what's there and then I can teach my self how to cope. It seems to be the same old story! People get diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun before they eventually get to the bottom of things and realise they are actually dealing with a neurodivergent person who has masked their entire lives. In the meantime months and years go by and lives are ruined. They seem to rule it out if it wasn't diagnosed as child, I'm not sure who they expect to pick it up! Family!? Who are likely to have it themselves and not realise, Teachers!? Who never spend one to one time with children due to the class sizes, god knows who! I don't know how much you know about ADHD but it's definitely worth digging further and getting yourself on a waiting list for assessment if you think that diagnosis fits better. Once you get to the bottom of things it will hopefully help you to get to know yourself a little better and give you opportunity to get the right support to put those coping mechanisms in place. Good luck! " This is so true. And I can vouch that an adult diagnostis really helps with mental health in allowing understanding of one's self and reducing the stress of trying to mask | |||
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" My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol Interesting! If you don't mind me asking... Do you think it's an accurate diagnosis? I've seen a pattern emerging where people feel they have been misdiagnosed with a BPD, when they are actually autistic or AuADHD. Interestingly a friend of mine has just been diagnosed ADHD at 40 and is really struggling with the fact they have been told that their longstanding diagnosis of Bipolar is probably incorrect. I didn't know it was a common theme" It definitely is! Someone I was close to had a bipolar diagnosis but I actually think it was AuADHD due to the fact multiple members were neurodivergent. The bipolar diagnosis just never seemed to fit right. She's was heavily medicated and eventually died because her mental health impacted on her physical health. It's absolutely shocking! I'm on a one woman mission to help as many neurodivergent people as possible | |||
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"Actually I am trying to get seen for Adhd as I have a lot of the associated trates. The EUPD I would say is acurate to some degree but trying to actualy get some one to look properly is a nightmare. At one point a doctor thought I was bipolar but as soon as I had the asd diagnosis it was a case of no no no it's all that. Frustrates the hell out of me because the diagnosis don't fix things but allows me to know what's there and then I can teach my self how to cope. It seems to be the same old story! People get diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun before they eventually get to the bottom of things and realise they are actually dealing with a neurodivergent person who has masked their entire lives. In the meantime months and years go by and lives are ruined. They seem to rule it out if it wasn't diagnosed as child, I'm not sure who they expect to pick it up! Family!? Who are likely to have it themselves and not realise, Teachers!? Who never spend one to one time with children due to the class sizes, god knows who! I don't know how much you know about ADHD but it's definitely worth digging further and getting yourself on a waiting list for assessment if you think that diagnosis fits better. Once you get to the bottom of things it will hopefully help you to get to know yourself a little better and give you opportunity to get the right support to put those coping mechanisms in place. Good luck! " I'm trying but it just seems like I'm crashing in to walls that's say no money available. I'm not giving up that's for sure but my god it's a fight. | |||
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"I was diagnosed with EUPD as a teenager when it was still called borderline. I knew it didn't fit because I didn't have the overwhelming fear of abandonment that is a core feature of the condition, nor any fear of abandonment at all. In 2016 My MH keyworker totally dismissed my belief that I was on the spectrum because I wasn't male and made good eye contact *hard eyeroll*. It was very satisfying to hand over my diagnosis paperwork 2 years later "I have BPD/EUPD. I don't c3T so I think people used that as an excuse to not diagnose me. But the old criteria meant that you only had to fit 5 of the 9 major traits. Problem is that majority of the mental health staff never look closely at how the traits manifest. I put BPD and autistic traits on my profile so that neurotypicals don't freak out and expect neurotypical behaviour from me. I'm a very complex person and I realise now that not everyone can get their head around who and what I am. | |||
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"It seems to be the same old story! People get diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun before they eventually get to the bottom of things" It seems to vary from area to area. At the moment, the go-to diagnosis in this Country is borderline personality. That does neurodivergent people a disservice. However, it's also massively unfair for those who genuinely have borderline personality, as there's a risk their diagnosis will be dismissed as "trendy." | |||
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"It would be good to see a ND section added to the forums. This topic seems to come up a fair amount. I'm currently writing a book on autism, but I don't think there'll be a chapter on swinging!
We are in a telegram group chat with a lot of swingers (it's an alum group for a local social) and we discovered an unusually high percentage of us were ND in some way or another (mostly ASD & ADHD).
It was suggested that maybe because our brains aren't wired the same way as most of the gen pop we have an easier time accepting and thriving in less conventional relationships.
I think seeing someone is ND would make us more open to meeting, and we could just discuss potential difficulties beforehand. For example, we suck at reading subtle signs. You either need to flirt outrageously or tell us straight out that you are up for moving things along, otherwise we will probably just talk your ear off all night "I definitely talk too much. lol! | |||
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"Wow ..great to see this brought up ..but I've been saying for a long time I think most swingers or those attracted to swinging are on the spectrum ... I've often wondered about the high incidence of autistic people in the swinging world. I guess we are drawn to unconventional relationships and don't feel as bound by silly social rules." my brain: what social rules? I'd actually have to know they exist to call them silly. Lol! | |||
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"Does anyone struggle with communication on here? Txting too much or too little? Aaking too many many questions? " Yes and yes and yes. | |||
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"Anyone have issues with over sharing? Talking too much when nervous? "Yes. I actually word-counted my profile so I didn't go to TLDR. | |||
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"How do you cope with disappointment! I suffer with RSD so any cancelled meet is really difficult to deal with. The fact that it's been easy chatting to them is big as it doesn't happen often..... then organising a meet of where over days / weeks to be then told it's not going to happen because of all sorts of reasonable reasons is so ridiculously hard for me. I've put so much effort into arranging a meet and sorting out an outfit and all sorts of other things that they won't be aware of as it's just what I do is such a disappointment. I try to rationalise it but still end up really upset
It's so hard, isn't it. Emotion regulation was never my strong point, but after have DBT and learning self-soothing techniques I'm a bit better at staying grounded and resisting the compulsion to crawl in a hole to die. Just sitting with the emotion, accepting your experience of it, is important as it'll teach you it isn't as awful and scary as you fear and it'll fade away after a while. When your brain begins to play it's tricks by telling you you're not good enough and that you've been rejected, try to take a step back and observe the thoughts. Recognise it for what it is, just a negative thought, not a fact or someone else's opinion. I named that negative voice in my head to create distance between myself and it. It takes the sting out of the thoughts that come from that voice as you can think of them as coming from a separate entity. My negative voice is called Carol."I did DBT and MBT for BPD. It was the MBT that mentioned autism. | |||
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"Anyone have issues with over sharing? Talking too much when nervous?
Yes, I either do that or struggle to find anything to say!
Then overanalyze later!"Fellow overthinker-analyzer-psycho-analyzer here.  | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. Finding another neurodivergent "in the field" and having one of those beautiful conversations that zaps from A to B to F to D to G and flows and evolves like water and fire all at the same time and even though you can't keep track you also intuitively know exactly where it's going...oh, it's a thing of beauty. " It is and neurotypicals are like "what are you on about?" Lol! | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. Finding another neurodivergent "in the field" and having one of those beautiful conversations that zaps from A to B to F to D to G and flows and evolves like water and fire all at the same time and even though you can't keep track you also intuitively know exactly where it's going...oh, it's a thing of beauty. Yes, so much this. Its fucking brilliant isn't it? People that get my tangents and randomness and how any conversation with me jumps all over the place without looking at me like I'm a freak, finding those people is the best" Yes. | |||
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"I love it when people are open about neurodivergence. I am autistic and have some ADHD going on too - and really like finding ‘my people’ and also being understood. "My people" totally sums it up when I meet another neurodeviant. It's like a safe place, or finding someone else who speaks your language in a foreign land. When I found out I was autistic, and it all went to shit and I was trying to kill myself inbetween hiding from the entire world and trying to accept I no longer had a job, a friend said to me I'd find "my people" and it would all come good and they were so right. " Hugs. I've been thinking about unaliving since I was 8 years old. therapist made me do an inital ASD test and I got 9 out of 10 traits.....It's been under a year and I'm still trying to process it and drag my feet to go and get the full assessment. realising that I spent my whole life masking at 41...not cool at all. I don't have a tribe.....I'm too unique and complex! Lol! It puts people off. | |||
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"I'm neurodivergent and this would be a big plus for me. I often wish we could leave the neurotypical world and set up our own colony where everything is beautifully designed but only half finished and we can talk freely about our obsessions without worrying about getting "the look". Please take me with you, finding it all very difficult rn "Hugs. | |||
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"Sounds like a Neurodivergent Social is in order? Might be chaotic, might be hilarious, but would be good for people to have a social where they can just be themselves
"I would go...if it's in London. I'm finding travel more and more exhausting the older I get. | |||
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"Sounds like a Neurodivergent Social is in order? Might be chaotic, might be hilarious, but would be good for people to have a social where they can just be themselves
Or where people don't think we're weird for being ourselves!
I think it might be hilariously chaotic but utterly brilliant!"I wouldn't be chaotic neutral if I wasn't a maverick. | |||
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"I'm actually dubious of the idea of a social although well up for it as an experiment. I know because we all recognise and relate that could be an advantage. But in experience when I meet people like myself it can be a little difficult and awkward. Especially if we are passionate about totally different things. And sometimes social anxiety + social anxiety = fuck loads of social anxiety. Although that can be fun because sometimes when I'm completely out of my depths it can trigger a melt down and totally bizarre and random behaviour. Not much fun for me but maybe fun for the outside observer. It would be nice not to be the only one melting down and trying to mask/suppress my discomfort. Anyways there's only one way to find out "Hugs....I think I mask my social anxiety....by asking lots of questions and talking too much. lol! and then staring off in the distance at some random thing that has caught my eye. | |||
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"I had a friend that suffered with autism she was on here and not saying everyone is like it but the abuse she got because of it made her leave this site and that was not just the men women aswell " I'm so sorry that your friend got too much abuse. I've had to learn to try to protect myself in this neurotypical world. People used to tell me I'm too honest. Withholding the truth cost me so much mental energy that it's disabling so I avoid people with whom and places where I can't say the truth. | |||
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"I was diagnosed with ASD this year aged 54. It was a relief! I can now accept all my quirks as normal for me and sod everyone else lol!" I'm part relieved and part pissed off that my life could have been so much better and easier if I had been diagnosed earlier. And now there is no help and little support from the professionals for autistic adults. I actually count myself lucky that I was diagnosed with BPD/EUPD first because at least I had an advocate that helped me campaign for my own psychotherapy treatment from the NHS. | |||
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"I'm ND my self and was diagnosed around the 2015 mark, I've found relationships are always very very difficult because if I'm my self I get shouted at or in some way berated for it. Masked basically all my life and its done more damage than save me from any. I've mentioned it on dating apps before and for some it doesn't matter which is nice but the majority seem to treat me like a lepper. I've thought about mentioning it on my profile on here but from experience not felt confident to do so. I have found that ND people do tend to flock (yes I said flock not the other haha) together and it's like there is some sort of gravity that brings us together. I will agree that with some of us you need to be right up front about intentions and with flirting, I say this because my self I can be oblivious and won't even spot boobs or ass even if its waved in my face lol. It's very interesting to see the variety of ND people here and some of the other asosiated stuff. My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol" Wouldn't spot ass or boobs....same I'm like oh look another dick pic...hmmmm it looks like every other dick pic I've seen. Lol! Meh, nothing stirring in the loins. Lol! Men say to me I'm going to do this to you and that to you. My brain goes...hmm that's nice but I have zero reference point for what you can and cannot do to me. Lol! Yup I'm the one masturbating to exes because I know what they can do to me! No surprise that the whole autism thing popped up when I realised my libido has got up and gone. | |||
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"Actually I am trying to get seen for Adhd as I have a lot of the associated trates. The EUPD I would say is acurate to some degree but trying to actualy get some one to look properly is a nightmare. At one point a doctor thought I was bipolar but as soon as I had the asd diagnosis it was a case of no no no it's all that. Frustrates the hell out of me because the diagnosis don't fix things but allows me to know what's there and then I can teach my self how to cope. " Same. I battled for years for diagnosis and treatment. Pretty much ruined my life but hey ho I'm still alive. | |||
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" My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol Interesting! If you don't mind me asking... Do you think it's an accurate diagnosis? I've seen a pattern emerging where people feel they have been misdiagnosed with a BPD, when they are actually autistic or AuADHD. Interestingly a friend of mine has just been diagnosed ADHD at 40 and is really struggling with the fact they have been told that their longstanding diagnosis of Bipolar is probably incorrect. I didn't know it was a common theme It definitely is! Someone I was close to had a bipolar diagnosis but I actually think it was AuADHD due to the fact multiple members were neurodivergent. The bipolar diagnosis just never seemed to fit right. She's was heavily medicated and eventually died because her mental health impacted on her physical health. It's absolutely shocking! I'm on a one woman mission to help as many neurodivergent people as possible "About to start a battle with my GP about coming off meds. My IQ won't allow me to just swallow whatever Kool-Aid doctors throw at me and I know they hate being challenged by patients. | |||
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"It seems to be the same old story! People get diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun before they eventually get to the bottom of things It seems to vary from area to area. At the moment, the go-to diagnosis in this Country is borderline personality. That does neurodivergent people a disservice. However, it's also massively unfair for those who genuinely have borderline personality, as there's a risk their diagnosis will be dismissed as "trendy." " Yeah I agree. I was listening to Joe tracini's audio book 10 things I hate about me and I couldn't help but notice what appeared to be references to neurodivergence, I wonder if he's another one with a misdiagnosis  | |||
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" My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol Interesting! If you don't mind me asking... Do you think it's an accurate diagnosis? I've seen a pattern emerging where people feel they have been misdiagnosed with a BPD, when they are actually autistic or AuADHD. Interestingly a friend of mine has just been diagnosed ADHD at 40 and is really struggling with the fact they have been told that their longstanding diagnosis of Bipolar is probably incorrect. I didn't know it was a common theme It definitely is! Someone I was close to had a bipolar diagnosis but I actually think it was AuADHD due to the fact multiple members were neurodivergent. The bipolar diagnosis just never seemed to fit right. She's was heavily medicated and eventually died because her mental health impacted on her physical health. It's absolutely shocking! I'm on a one woman mission to help as many neurodivergent people as possible
About to start a battle with my GP about coming off meds. My IQ won't allow me to just swallow whatever Kool-Aid doctors throw at me and I know they hate being challenged by patients."Good luck with that! I know too well what it's like fighting with GPS | |||
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"As an austistic man I'm still coming to terms this do you guys think it's best to tell people on this site who you are getting to know and chatting Just that last thing I want is to scare people off" Tell them as soon as possible, this will stop any confusion and heartache. | |||
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" My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol Interesting! If you don't mind me asking... Do you think it's an accurate diagnosis? I've seen a pattern emerging where people feel they have been misdiagnosed with a BPD, when they are actually autistic or AuADHD. Interestingly a friend of mine has just been diagnosed ADHD at 40 and is really struggling with the fact they have been told that their longstanding diagnosis of Bipolar is probably incorrect. I didn't know it was a common theme It definitely is! Someone I was close to had a bipolar diagnosis but I actually think it was AuADHD due to the fact multiple members were neurodivergent. The bipolar diagnosis just never seemed to fit right. She's was heavily medicated and eventually died because her mental health impacted on her physical health. It's absolutely shocking! I'm on a one woman mission to help as many neurodivergent people as possible
About to start a battle with my GP about coming off meds. My IQ won't allow me to just swallow whatever Kool-Aid doctors throw at me and I know they hate being challenged by patients.
Good luck with that! I know too well what it's like fighting with GPS
"Thanks I will need it. And of course, my brain read that as fighting with the Global Positioning System (GPS). I use one for my bike and it likes sending me in circles. Lol! half the time I ignore it and just follow the bus route and stay 6 feet away from buses. lol! | |||
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"I'm trying but it just seems like I'm crashing in to walls that's say no money available. I'm not giving up that's for sure but my god it's a fight. I spent 10 years in the East Midlands being pushed from one 6-12 week CBT to another. After a blowout at work in Nottingham, where I was accused of being abusive, I got married and moved to London within 6 months. My former husband made me go to Harley street to see a psychiatrist that specialises in mood disorders. He wrote a report letter and recommended a mood stabliser and intense psychotherapy. The NHS refused to follow his treatment programme in 2012. At least they stopped putting me on the ridiculous 6-12 week CBT due to that report letter. Instead they gave me 12 month CBT which resulted in me attempting to unalive and ending up in high dependency unit and the psychiatric hospital. Then they decided to diagnose me with BPD/EUPD. Previously the psychiatrist in charge of my care said something ridiculous along the line of "you can't have BPD/EUPD because you went to university." After that diagnosis, I had to fight another battle to be put on a mood stabiliser and actually be given intensive psychotherapy. If you have BPD/EUPD, the psychotherapy is DBT, MBT or STEPPS. However, if you have any sensory or autistic traits, these types of therapy can feel like torture. You are sitting still for over an hour in a group trying to think straight. For myself, I had to do it on Zoom. I found looking at the screen distracting so I would look away which in turn made the neurotypical people in my therapy group think that I was being rude. then you have to spend the rest of your day/week processing what happened during the therapy and working out your feelings thoughts and behaviour. Mid way through therapy, 12 months in, I still felt lost so I gave up and went against my therapist and bought the clinical training manual for MBT. Then I understood more. All the subtleties and nuances in the therapy for the first 12 months went over my head. I now know that was the autistic traits preventing that processing. I did DBT before I did MBT and that stopped me from getting overwhelmed in the MBT treatment but I saw many people get overwhelmed by the treatment and had to stop. Some psychologists won't take people into DBT or MBT because they believe that they will be to volatile and disengage. So it's almost like you have to prove to them that you won't meltdown and you won't disengage. How an adult with strong autistic traits avoids an autistic meltdown in a therapy meant to make you meltdown is beyond me?" Wow sounds like you've had a rough time. I hope things improve for you, life is difficult enough without coming up against those type of barriers. Surely forcing melt downs would cause more anxiety and depression | |||
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"It seems to be the same old story! People get diagnosed with every mental illness under the sun before they eventually get to the bottom of things It seems to vary from area to area. At the moment, the go-to diagnosis in this Country is borderline personality. That does neurodivergent people a disservice. However, it's also massively unfair for those who genuinely have borderline personality, as there's a risk their diagnosis will be dismissed as "trendy." " I had to fight for my diagnosis but in doing so I delved into all the clinical books and psychiatrist and psychologist opinions. I ticked all the criteria from the diagnostic manual DSM-4/5 ( which is not defunct)and I had re-occurring (from ages 6-18) childhood trauma and a High ACE (Adverse Childhood Expreriences) score. I knew I wasn't bipolar because I never got the full mania. I have very intense emotions which are disabling and they can sometimes come out of nowhere. Some people say they want to rename BPD/EUPD to Emotional Intensity Disorder. I'm a lot better with medication and therapy now but I still have my off days so I let people know it's a disability. And on the plus side, sex and love are so intense for me generally it feels like an out-of-body tantric experience. | |||
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It's been tough but I know now I can survive just about anything. For example, I came out of COVID relatively unscathed and I actually managed to save £10,000. Spent it all now cause I don't know how long I've got left on this earth so I'm not saving for anything! Lol!
The therapy is hard to explain. Psychotherapy isn't meant to force you to do anything. However, it's mean to challenge your thoughts and behaviour and in doing so it triggers you. You have to be able to withstand the triggers. I know how to handle my emotional triggers through DBT distress tolerance skills and techniques. However, how autistic and sensory triggers are dealt with, I think are different techniques. And if you are an adult it's even harder to re-wire your brain, if you've been masking all your life and challenge the fears/thoughts that make you mask in the first place.
Make no mistake intensive therapy is a mind fuck. You've got to be prepared or you will crash out. You've got to train yourself to sit in the discomfort and unpleasantness. I even told my therapy group, "look I don't trust you guys but I trust the process so I'm going to stick around but don't expect me to act as if I trust you." Believe it or not I wasn't crucified when I said this. lol!
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" My self I also have something called EUPD which is another monster all together lol Interesting! If you don't mind me asking... Do you think it's an accurate diagnosis? I've seen a pattern emerging where people feel they have been misdiagnosed with a BPD, when they are actually autistic or AuADHD. Interestingly a friend of mine has just been diagnosed ADHD at 40 and is really struggling with the fact they have been told that their longstanding diagnosis of Bipolar is probably incorrect. I didn't know it was a common theme It definitely is! Someone I was close to had a bipolar diagnosis but I actually think it was AuADHD due to the fact multiple members were neurodivergent. The bipolar diagnosis just never seemed to fit right. She's was heavily medicated and eventually died because her mental health impacted on her physical health. It's absolutely shocking! I'm on a one woman mission to help as many neurodivergent people as possible
About to start a battle with my GP about coming off meds. My IQ won't allow me to just swallow whatever Kool-Aid doctors throw at me and I know they hate being challenged by patients."Oh god don't get me started with meds lol, I've basically had very bad thoughts since I was 3 but I wasn't abused or hurt or anything had loving supporting parents. This seems to confuse the specialists I've seen because I don't give the easy answers. They just shrug and go we don't know and throw more meds. | |||
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"I'm trying but it just seems like I'm crashing in to walls that's say no money available. I'm not giving up that's for sure but my god it's a fight. I spent 10 years in the East Midlands being pushed from one 6-12 week CBT to another. After a blowout at work in Nottingham, where I was accused of being abusive, I got married and moved to London within 6 months. My former husband made me go to Harley street to see a psychiatrist that specialises in mood disorders. He wrote a report letter and recommended a mood stabliser and intense psychotherapy. The NHS refused to follow his treatment programme in 2012. At least they stopped putting me on the ridiculous 6-12 week CBT due to that report letter. Instead they gave me 12 month CBT which resulted in me attempting to unalive and ending up in high dependency unit and the psychiatric hospital. Then they decided to diagnose me with BPD/EUPD. Previously the psychiatrist in charge of my care said something ridiculous along the line of "you can't have BPD/EUPD because you went to university." After that diagnosis, I had to fight another battle to be put on a mood stabiliser and actually be given intensive psychotherapy. If you have BPD/EUPD, the psychotherapy is DBT, MBT or STEPPS. However, if you have any sensory or autistic traits, these types of therapy can feel like torture. You are sitting still for over an hour in a group trying to think straight. For myself, I had to do it on Zoom. I found looking at the screen distracting so I would look away which in turn made the neurotypical people in my therapy group think that I was being rude. then you have to spend the rest of your day/week processing what happened during the therapy and working out your feelings thoughts and behaviour. Mid way through therapy, 12 months in, I still felt lost so I gave up and went against my therapist and bought the clinical training manual for MBT. Then I understood more. All the subtleties and nuances in the therapy for the first 12 months went over my head. I now know that was the autistic traits preventing that processing. I did DBT before I did MBT and that stopped me from getting overwhelmed in the MBT treatment but I saw many people get overwhelmed by the treatment and had to stop. Some psychologists won't take people into DBT or MBT because they believe that they will be to volatile and disengage. So it's almost like you have to prove to them that you won't meltdown and you won't disengage. How an adult with strong autistic traits avoids an autistic meltdown in a therapy meant to make you meltdown is beyond me?" I have wanted to unalive since I was 3, no reason for it in regards to abuse or anything. Loving parents who faught for so long to be seen for diagnosis of dyslexia which came way to late. My ex wife then faught with me to get the asd diagnosis and I've been fighting ever since. It's horrid and to feel like that from a very young age and to try and do drastic things many times it does take something from you. When I got the ASD diagnosis and also the EUPD it did give me a sence of relief because I could then teach my self how to cope but there are still things that just don't fit and make me feel just out of place. Even here I feel out of place but in some respects I am coming to terms with the fact that if people don't like it that's their issue not mine. I just go about being a decent person and care for the people that matter and try and swing freely lol. | |||
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"Any advice or is it a lost cause? Any men with autism had much luck? Feels very tough to get to know people and meet when you struggle with conversation and social ques lol, thinking of just being straight up about it in the bio which might blow most chances but at least people that understand it may still be interested. Adding something on your profile about your autism will help not only inform people that you struggle with social situations but likely be a big green flag for the ladies on here with autism and other neurodivergence's. " Start a thread and ask "Who's autistic?"mor something similar, this is what forums are for....talking. | |||
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"Start a thread and ask "Who's autistic?"mor something similar, this is what forums are for....talking." There's been a few threads on the topic: https://m.fabswingers.com/forum-search/Autism | |||
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"Glad to see this thread is still going on and relevant, I'm having such a hard time currently seem to have had some one potentially not being real or at least having something happen in their life that coincidentally happened on the day we were due to meet, Then had someone on a different site pretending to be someone off a onlyfans thing (thanks reverse image search) But as someone that has soo much to give in terms of massively enjoying anything sexual and having a huge thing for pleasing who I'm with. I seem to be hitting wall after wall and it's quite soul destroying to point of I'm potential looking to have to pay for anything as a actual genuine meet seems non existing. This doesn't help when I've just been stung for 350 quid for mot + repairs I'm just getting extremely fed up and frustrated with people not being personable anymore and trying with other people like there feelings mean nothing. I had a full on crying breakdown a week or so ago because of everything getting to me. I have allways used sex and intemcy as a emotional regulator it just unclouds my mind and I can just focus and be completely in that moment... Sorry rambling on..." Hey Man. Compared to what I wrote, you are not rambling. You can't rely solely on sex and intimacy for emotional regulation. Only a lucky few people with neurodivergent brains have neurotypical romantic partners that stick with them through thick and thin. A lot of us are alone and that's not necessarily a bad thing. First step see your GP. The second step find a therapist that you can talk to...preferably male because as a woman I had no idea what it's like for men to go through life. It's competitive and brutal and there doesn't seem to be any brotherhood in the same way a woman would lend another woman a tampon in the bathroom. I received Dialectical behavioural Therapy and Mentalisation based Therapy in order to hack my brain and get it to function the way I need it too. Here is a link to other emotional regulation techniques that you can use: https://dbtselfhelp.com/dbt-skills-list/emotion-regulation/ Believe me talking helps...A bit like what my Dad would say about farts...better out than in. People lie all the time on the internet unfortunately and it's only by meeting people in person that I've learnt to sus out who is for me and who isn't. I'm not going to like everyone and everyone isn't going to like me and that's ok as long as I like me. Dude I don't even have a car! You could drive so many places! That's a positive. I know people who want a car so bad so that they could drive the fuck out of London and go to the seaside. | |||
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