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Introducing new partner to swinging
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I have recently been meeting with a lovely woman, not through fab, we get a long so well, the sexual chemistry is mind blowing, my predicament is the fact I still love to swing and have adventures, how do I addres this with my new partner without her running a mile and more importantly how do I ask her to come and explore with me? |
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Sooner rather than later have a good chat with her about how you'd like to move forward. There is no way we can predict her reaction and as we don't know her we can't suggest the best way to approach her. There isn't a magic combination of words that will assure a positive outcome.
Talk to her, be honest about what you want from a relationship and don't try and change her or yourself. If you two don't want what the other wants you're not compatible unless you're both willing to compromise. |
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There is no advice anyone can give you. You need to talk to her and be honest.
She's either interested or she isn't. Tell what you enjoy and the realtionship either continues or it does not. It really is that simple. |
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If you’re exclusive with her, and you are still swinging, then your cheating and should be ashamed of yourself.
However - assuming you’ve put swinging on hold while your relationship with her develops, then be honest with her ASAP. We were having the ‘sex conversation’ early in our relationship and discussed the kinkiest thing we’d done. Swinging was discussed and we got into it as a couple.
At the end of the day, she’ll either be interested or horrified. So just ask her and find out  |
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"Why are people automatically assuming the OP has deceived his new partner?
Might be nice to give someone the benefit of the doubt before jumping down their throat!"
Because he says "my predicament is the fact I still love to swing and have adventures, how do I addres this with my new partner without her running a mile"  |
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"Why are people automatically assuming the OP has deceived his new partner?
Might be nice to give someone the benefit of the doubt before jumping down their throat!"
No one is automatically assuming it. He has told us by saying he still loves to swing. If he still loves it, he is still doing it no? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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its your relatiuonship its for you to grow some balls and be honest about what you want from life rather than string her along .... and good luck
think how many women in life are into swinging single or in couples then think how many women are not and would not % wise id guess about 5% of women swing maybe less thats anount is your chance or your new girlfriend wanting in to a swinging relatioship so thats 95% of women who will tell you to do one and on yer bike ...thats why openminded people are normally openminded right from the start to attract those ''other'' openminded people |
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By *ovikCouple
over a year ago
walsall |
Cook her a nice meal and pour her a mega-pint of wine then start an honest and frank conversation about how you have swung in the past and wondered if it would something she may want to talk further about. 100% understand how it’s not something you would talk about on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date…then the longer it takes to raise the harder is it to talk about. Definitely think you should discuss as soon as you can. Fingers crossed for you…good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think more women would be open to it if;
- it was brought up early & before we have sex
- explained that happy to wait x no of weeks/month(s) to build up a foundation with each other before delving into swinging, (no cheating) but clear that there's unlikely to be a future without it
- start with where the woman is curious, what would she feel most comfortable with; being watched, mmf, mff, mfmf, soft swing, club or private meet, etc.
Good luck  |
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"So I have recently been meeting with a lovely woman, not through fab, we get a long so well, the sexual chemistry is mind blowing, my predicament is the fact I still love to swing and have adventures, how do I addres this with my new partner without her running a mile and more importantly how do I ask her to come and explore with me?"
You have started a new sexual relationship and the first thing you think of is how can I get her to swing? |
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"If swinging isn't something you are prepared to give up then I'd just be totally honest with her about it and let her decide whether she is still interested in seeing you. "
Basically this, not much more to say.
Also I'm not sure exactly what the nature of the relationship/arrangement between you is but if there is any expectation/understanding of exclusivity you need to be fair and point out your not intending to be exclusive to them (if not already discussed). And remember for most people exclusivity is expected by default so just saying we never talked about it doesn't mean its ok to be with others without talking about it. Not everyone see things like we do.
Just do you and live your best life ethically. If sexual non-monogamy is a part of you and they can't accept that (which is perfectly reasonable) its not ment to be. Life is to short to be in relationships where you can't be yourself. |
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"I think more women would be open to it if;
- it was brought up early & before we have sex
- explained that happy to wait x no of weeks/month(s) to build up a foundation with each other before delving into swinging, (no cheating) but clear that there's unlikely to be a future without it
- start with where the woman is curious, what would she feel most comfortable with; being watched, mmf, mff, mfmf, soft swing, club or private meet, etc.
Good luck "
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The best approach is to bring up the subject of swinging casually and obliquely in a conversation with your new partner. While in bed together chatting you should be using the opportunity to find out what her sexual likes & dislikes are and that advise applies regardless of whether you are a swinger or not as it will improve the quality of your sex together. During one of those conversations you can ask about any swinging experiences she might have had and what her attitude to it is. At this stage you don’t need to disclose the extent of your experience of the swinging scene because if her reaction to swinging is very negative then you will need to protect the new relationship. |
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A friend of ours was sat down by a new partner and told it was time they had an open discussion as it looked like their relationship had potential to get serious. He asked for her views on swinging. In the spirit of being open and honest she told him that she loved it and prior to meeting him had had loads of fun with couples and singles.
She never saw him again. |
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"Why are people automatically assuming the OP has deceived his new partner?
Might be nice to give someone the benefit of the doubt before jumping down their throat!
No one is automatically assuming it. He has told us by saying he still loves to swing. If he still loves it, he is still doing it no?"
Not necessarily.
Lots of people on diets still love chocolate cake.
Does that mean they are still having the odd nibble, absolutely not....or, yes in my case. |
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By *onx22Man
over a year ago
nottingham |
"A friend of ours was sat down by a new partner and told it was time they had an open discussion as it looked like their relationship had potential to get serious. He asked for her views on swinging. In the spirit of being open and honest she told him that she loved it and prior to meeting him had had loads of fun with couples and singles.
She never saw him again."
Can you ask her to contact me please |
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"A friend of ours was sat down by a new partner and told it was time they had an open discussion as it looked like their relationship had potential to get serious. He asked for her views on swinging. In the spirit of being open and honest she told him that she loved it and prior to meeting him had had loads of fun with couples and singles.
She never saw him again."
By whose choice? |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"Why are people automatically assuming the OP has deceived his new partner?
Might be nice to give someone the benefit of the doubt before jumping down their throat!
No one is automatically assuming it. He has told us by saying he still loves to swing. If he still loves it, he is still doing it no?"
No - it can also mean he still wants to do it, but is not doing it because he has a new partner. Which is why he wants to bring up the subject.
The OP hasn’t yet confirmed whether it’s one or the other. |
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"Without siunding rude i think the OP didnt have the balls to be honest before any sex incase he didnt get his leg over. Its the only reason. Sorry"
You aren't being rude, just being incredibly presumptuous without any justification. To also believe your explanation is the only one possible adds to the degree of delusion you have about your analytical skills. |
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"A friend of ours was sat down by a new partner and told it was time they had an open discussion as it looked like their relationship had potential to get serious. He asked for her views on swinging. In the spirit of being open and honest she told him that she loved it and prior to meeting him had had loads of fun with couples and singles.
She never saw him again.
By whose choice? "
He ran away, but she saw the funny side. Said his face was a picture |
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"A friend of ours was sat down by a new partner and told it was time they had an open discussion as it looked like their relationship had potential to get serious. He asked for her views on swinging. In the spirit of being open and honest she told him that she loved it and prior to meeting him had had loads of fun with couples and singles.
She never saw him again.
By whose choice?
He ran away, but she saw the funny side. Said his face was a picture "
oh!  . It was ok for him but not her |
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It was me, the woman, that brought it up in my scenario.
Luckily I was going to the Leeds social so had an opening to bring the swinging up when he txt to ask where I was going that night.
The next time I saw him a few days later I told him that I had been in the lifestyle a lot of years and it wasn’t really the sec, but the social side that kept me and I wasn’t prepared to give it up and I was glad we were talking about it as we had got to the ‘what are we’ stage. He was then invited to the next event and it was his decision if he wanted to go or not (or carry on seeing me) with this knowledge in mind.
He came along. Loved it and is still here and joining in 5 years later.
Bite the bullet. It could be the best move you’ll ever make. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The OP states he has recently met someone so it’s relatively new.
I can’t say I’d be rushing to announce to a new partner that I liked swinging unless I thought it could go the distance. Its not the kind of information you want to risk being made public knowledge.
Now that he thinks it could go further he is looking for advice as to how he can tell her and possibly involve her.
It was part of his lifestyle before he met her, not after so how is he being dishonest or deceptive?
Hope you find a solution OP and it all works out.
Viv
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"Why are people automatically assuming the OP has deceived his new partner?
Might be nice to give someone the benefit of the doubt before jumping down their throat!
No one is automatically assuming it. He has told us by saying he still loves to swing. If he still loves it, he is still doing it no?
No - it can also mean he still wants to do it, but is not doing it because he has a new partner. Which is why he wants to bring up the subject.
The OP hasn’t yet confirmed whether it’s one or the other."
If you still love to do something asnd have adventures suggests they do. Otherwise they would love to keep doing it and carry on. |
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