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Loneliness
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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After a recent death of a friend, I have been thinking about loneliness. Medical professionals now say feelings of loneliness on your health is the equivelant of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. They also think one of the reasons Japanese people have long lives is due to how sociable they are.
I have been thinking more about the types of loneliness. We can sometimes have many family and friends in our lives but still feel lonely. I think sometimes we are lonely for the special somebody in our life to have fun with, to romance, to make laugh, to have sex with, to share the good and bad times, etc.
Do you ever get lonely? I do. I miss having somebody special in my life. |
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We need to go for a beer sometime mate, I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently.
I worry about the future. I love this life so much that a struggle to hold down relationships. I meet someone, away from the scene so step away but after a while I miss it too much so relationship ends and I come back.
I can’t do this forever, what am I going to do when I’m 70 with no partner or kids ect. So yer, been thinking about it a lot
As I say, we should go for a beer, this is pretty deep stuff lol |
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I don't get lonely now. I did when our children were babies, Mr N was working long hours and I didn't know anyone as we'd just moved to a new area. It's awful.
I've been thinking about loneliness recently. My mum died in March, her and my dad had been together for 70 years. He is finding the loneliness very hard to deal with. He says that no amount of visitors helps. He also said that at 95 all his friends are dead too. It's brought home to me the need to ensure you have connections |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
This is a controversial point of view: I believe that you can choose to feel lonely and train yourself not to feel lonely, especially with information technology so ubiquitous.
Since my relationship I ended, I now live on my own, but I am never experience loneliness.
My daily contact with people has simply changed from an intensive one on one daily relationship to contact with dozens, albeit briefly, every day.
People fascinate me, I am prodigiously knowledgeable and interact harmoniously almost incessantly.
People who articulate feelings of loneliness are actually expressing frustration with their isolation, that engenders feelings of depression.
The key is to get out and about: we humans are intrinsically cooperative social beings; we are hard wired to interact daily within our species. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When my wife passed away during the lockdown period i felt very lonely and isolated, most people stuck to the rules and I had very limited interaction with the outside world other than phone calls which most of the time i didnt want to take.
I feel that having limited social contact lengthen the grieving process, so believe social interaction is important at times of grief.. thankfully i have come through without to much harm but as you can imagine still grieve as i miss her terrible. Getting back to work and socalising was key to getting back to some normality.
So the moral of the story is not to let people feel lonely, it is easy to see why it can push people over the edge |
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"After a recent death of a friend, I have been thinking about loneliness. Medical professionals now say feelings of loneliness on your health is the equivelant of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. They also think one of the reasons Japanese people have long lives is due to how sociable they are.
I have been thinking more about the types of loneliness. We can sometimes have many family and friends in our lives but still feel lonely. I think sometimes we are lonely for the special somebody in our life to have fun with, to romance, to make laugh, to have sex with, to share the good and bad times, etc.
Do you ever get lonely? I do. I miss having somebody special in my life. "
i constantly feel lonely,, i go dancing and still feel lonely in a room with plenty of people in it,, the worse night i ever had was 1 new years eve on my own in a full bar and no one to talk too never felt more suicidal,, had to get out as quick as possible before i broke down completely,,,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say being on here would exacerbate any feelings of loneliness or mental health issues? People aren't exactly supportive or caring on here. Hope you're alright look after yourself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can have people around you and still feel lonely. sometimes even family,new partner or a friend but its not always having human interaction that helps loneliness, sometimes all you want is that one,certain person and that's not always possible. so I think that loneliness is a form of grieving for what's missing.
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
"I totally understand the feeling of loneliness - list my mum 5 years ago abd still miss her terribly
Not to mention I’ve also found you can still feel lonely in a room full of people "
This articulates two distinct issues: dealing with the understandable feelings of grief for your mother's death. Find a grief counsellor and address the five stage process we all have to progress through.
The second is the room problem: you feel lonely in the room because you are not healthily interacting with the others there. Find a counsellor who deals with social anxiety or GAD, generalised anxiety.
Isolation is literally a killer; we all need to interact. It is our raison d'etre, our reason for being (human).
Make some tentative enquiries about each of these issues. Ideally, one counsellor could deal with both! |
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"This is a controversial point of view: I believe that you can choose to feel lonely and train yourself not to feel lonely, especially with information technology so ubiquitous.
Since my relationship I ended, I now live on my own, but I am never experience loneliness.
My daily contact with people has simply changed from an intensive one on one daily relationship to contact with dozens, albeit briefly, every day.
People fascinate me, I am prodigiously knowledgeable and interact harmoniously almost incessantly.
People who articulate feelings of loneliness are actually expressing frustration with their isolation, that engenders feelings of depression.
The key is to get out and about: we humans are intrinsically cooperative social beings; we are hard wired to interact daily within our species."
I feel that your opinion is very dismissive of people like my father whose experience I have described above. He is most certainly not choosing to feel lonely and would probably give his eye eeth not to feel that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a controversial point of view: I believe that you can choose to feel lonely and train yourself not to feel lonely, especially with information technology so ubiquitous.
Since my relationship I ended, I now live on my own, but I am never experience loneliness.
My daily contact with people has simply changed from an intensive one on one daily relationship to contact with dozens, albeit briefly, every day.
People fascinate me, I am prodigiously knowledgeable and interact harmoniously almost incessantly.
People who articulate feelings of loneliness are actually expressing frustration with their isolation, that engenders feelings of depression.
The key is to get out and about: we humans are intrinsically cooperative social beings; we are hard wired to interact daily within our species.
I feel that your opinion is very dismissive of people like my father whose experience I have described above. He is most certainly not choosing to feel lonely and would probably give his eye eeth not to feel that way. "
Agree completely! There are a myriad of reasons why people experience loneliness. I have ADHD and am borderline autistic so forming and maintaining friendships can be particularly difficult. I don’t choose to be lonely and try the force myself to be social but I end up feeling worse and like a failure. |
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"I totally understand the feeling of loneliness - list my mum 5 years ago abd still miss her terribly
Not to mention I’ve also found you can still feel lonely in a room full of people
This articulates two distinct issues: dealing with the understandable feelings of grief for your mother's death. Find a grief counsellor and address the five stage process we all have to progress through.
The second is the room problem: you feel lonely in the room because you are not healthily interacting with the others there. Find a counsellor who deals with social anxiety or GAD, generalised anxiety.
Isolation is literally a killer; we all need to interact. It is our raison d'etre, our reason for being (human).
Make some tentative enquiries about each of these issues. Ideally, one counsellor could deal with both!"
Thanks for your viewpoint , though ti be fair I don’t have anxiety and am not particularly socially awkward - my whole day is spent interacting with others lol
As fir the grief counselling thst doesn’t work fir everyone . Kind of a agree with you on the five stages of grief thing though it takes quite a lot of time to move through |
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We have 8 children between us, 4 of which arw still at home. Others grown up and flown, I feel have a large family and also have hubby to who is incredible. I have alot of health issues amd can be very isolated as I'm not able to work at the moment which is pretty alien to me having worked since I was 16 and the loneliness I feel is immense, I don't have any real friends to speak of..mostly just social media pals, I totally understand this..hubby works full time and iv got to the point that when I am in other adults company I forget the art of conversation, its horrible but the worst thing is I feel terrible feeling this way because I know that there are people much worse off in the world of loneliness than me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have spent significant periods of my life on solitary adventures and explorations and I have never once felt lonely.
In fact I often find myself craving solitude and quiet.
In response to that nonsense about cigarettes I feel that being around people causes me more stress and possibly affects my well being and health. |
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"After a recent death of a friend, I have been thinking about loneliness. Medical professionals now say feelings of loneliness on your health is the equivelant of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. They also think one of the reasons Japanese people have long lives is due to how sociable they are.
I have been thinking more about the types of loneliness. We can sometimes have many family and friends in our lives but still feel lonely. I think sometimes we are lonely for the special somebody in our life to have fun with, to romance, to make laugh, to have sex with, to share the good and bad times, etc.
Do you ever get lonely? I do. I miss having somebody special in my life. "
Yes oh course, especially when you lost a romantic partner. It's a big hole in your heart. I have everything else in my life that makes me very happy except romance |
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One thing I have come to realise as I have got older is that everyone has their problems and it is easy for us to believe that other people are more confident and happier and having a better time than us. I went back to uni to retrain just over a decade ago. The people on my course got together just before the end and we had a great time. We all agreed we should have got together a lot more but it transpired that we all felt everyone else was already in friendship groups and going out all the time and felt to shy to ask if anyone fancied a drink. A year of wasted opportunities to socialise caused by otherwise bright, intelligent and confident people being too shy to reach out to people they saw every day and had lots on common with. Sometimes we have to risk rejection and reach out. Both me and my partner have experienced loneliness. Her in a bad marriage and me living a hedonistic lifestyle. We are now blissfully happy and count ourselves very lucky but before meeting, both of us did things to offset the loneliness. Displacement activities I guess, goals, plans etc. Ultimately she quit the toxic relationship. The two other things that always made me feel better were exercise and lots of human contact (though I get that some people don’t like lots of company and that’s fine too). Also to stop looking for meaning in life, there isn’t any bar the effect we have on those around us. |
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I think the key is to keep yourself busy so you don't have time to feel
Lonely I m not saying its the right thing to do but it works
Maybe join some groups an meet new like minded people
I never had loads of friends but gradually the handful that I have are moving an I see less an less of them |
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"I think the key is to keep yourself busy so you don't have time to feel
Lonely I m not saying its the right thing to do but it works
Maybe join some groups an meet new like minded people
I never had loads of friends but gradually the handful that I have are moving an I see less an less of them "
I keep myself super busy, surrounded by lots of lovely people in my life, but I can still go to bed feeling lonely and unloved. Then having Dreams of anxiety and loniness. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well from another angle
I married kid job and still get lonely
Hobbies do help you need to keep a busy.
Meeting on fab can make some great mates especially as you can chat naughty.
Try and start chatting more when your out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Been single all my life and now live very rural .
Yes I get lonely try and fill my time with hobbies
Had an illness several years ago now that medically retired me so do miss company |
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"This is a controversial point of view: I believe that you can choose to feel lonely and train yourself not to feel lonely, especially with information technology so ubiquitous.
Since my relationship I ended, I now live on my own, but I am never experience loneliness.
My daily contact with people has simply changed from an intensive one on one daily relationship to contact with dozens, albeit briefly, every day.
People fascinate me, I am prodigiously knowledgeable and interact harmoniously almost incessantly.
People who articulate feelings of loneliness are actually expressing frustration with their isolation, that engenders feelings of depression.
The key is to get out and about: we humans are intrinsically cooperative social beings; we are hard wired to interact daily within our species."
Interesting take on it.
I walk to the local/ish shops everyday - even if just to look around. Means I get out, get exercise, and interact with people. I also go to the gym and listen to talk radio a lot. |
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"This is a controversial point of view: I believe that you can choose to feel lonely and train yourself not to feel lonely, especially with information technology so ubiquitous.
Since my relationship I ended, I now live on my own, but I am never experience loneliness.
My daily contact with people has simply changed from an intensive one on one daily relationship to contact with dozens, albeit briefly, every day.
People fascinate me, I am prodigiously knowledgeable and interact harmoniously almost incessantly.
People who articulate feelings of loneliness are actually expressing frustration with their isolation, that engenders feelings of depression.
The key is to get out and about: we humans are intrinsically cooperative social beings; we are hard wired to interact daily within our species."
With all due respect, I don't think you know what you are talking about. Your observations are all correct & true but the self-congratulatory tone of your message alone speaks volumes about you not having grappled with this issue for real.
Please do consider the possibility that other people may have deeper, stronger, and more intricate thoughts and feelings surrounding their place in the world and the way they relate to others than you ever will. |
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By *assy MissWoman
over a year ago
Sent to Coventry |
By Sassy MissFind posts by Sassy Miss Woman
just this minute!
Sent to Coventry
I’ve been single for many years and go through periods of feeling lonely. I’ve started volunteering for a mental health charity and completed a mental health first aid course. This helped me to help myself and others. For me it’s a win win but I realise it’s not the solution for everyone. Triggers for Loneliness are personal, how it feels is shared xx |
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By *eagleMan
over a year ago
Holywood |
I'm a 78 year old single man.I've come to believe that being totally honest with some one is a step in the right direction to combat loneliness. But how does one find someone that one can trust? That one can be totally honest with regarding everything?
My sexual foibles are something I would love to share but feel that I cannot.
I would dearly love to confide in some one - and them in me... I don't think we would be lonely then.
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When I (Mr) became single I threw myself into house renovation. Then loneliness set in as my friendship group while with my ex evaporated.
Started to go to Meetup (google it) events and have now built up a solid friendship framework.
That helped massively and that app has so many interest groups that you can go to so many different evenings / days out |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
Yeah, loneliness is a big issue for me at times.
Recently moved to a new town, and it's difficult sometimes to know what to do with my time (when it's not school holidays anyway!).
Saw a thread the other day that was saying that anyone who wants just a social meet (strictly coffee shop type) to put their town on the thread and see if anyone contacts them. I thought this was a great idea, low pressure
It's not easy for some to be able to reach out to folks, I quite like the non-directing chatrooms here for just talking |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
"
By Sassy MissFind posts by Sassy Miss Woman
just this minute!
Sent to Coventry
I’ve been single for many years and go through periods of feeling lonely. I’ve started volunteering for a mental health charity and completed a mental health first aid course. This helped me to help myself and others. For me it’s a win win but I realise it’s not the solution for everyone. Triggers for Loneliness are personal, how it feels is shared xx"
That's awesome - good for you |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
"I would say being on here would exacerbate any feelings of loneliness or mental health issues? People aren't exactly supportive or caring on here. Hope you're alright look after yourself "
That can be true, for sure, but I've had some lovely chats in the rooms here and some people do really open up (which is easier to do behind a keyboard) |
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I was very lonely within a bad marraige for many years, it felt awful. Nowdays, I don't get lonely very often. I live with my lively cocker spaniel, have a few good friends, study and work part-time, feel lucky to no longer feel lonely. We are a fwb couple. Ms |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I deal with loneliness a lot! I’m introverted by nature which makes meeting people harder! "
I can relate to this... I can be in a group of people and often feel like I'm on the outside looking in... |
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"If people have the time to feel lonely they have too much time on their hands use the time actively involving something that might be enjoyed or try something new "
Doesn’t work that way mate. I play football and cricket, I go to social events that go with that and I also go kayaking with a small group of people and a gym 4 or 5 times a week, I still feel lonely at times. Don’t confuse loneliness with boredom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If people have the time to feel lonely they have too much time on their hands use the time actively involving something that might be enjoyed or try something new "
This isn’t helpful. Loneliness just doesn’t fade like that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have moved away for my day to day life to look after my dad how is terminally ill.
I feel increasingly lonely at times. Especially at night when he is in bed and I have nothing to do.
In fact I only created a new fab account when I started to feel this way to hopefully find some nice local people and fill my time being social and fun and not feeling like I do.
I have met some lovely folk up here and it does take my mind of it. But as soon as I'm back it just starts again.
I cannot seem to shift this feeling of isolation. |
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As for lonely, I never feel that way, I love my own time and like being alone. Yes maybe sometimes I miss the closeness of a deep relationship but that's about it. I have a busy life filled with doing things I enjoy. I can understand why some are different and struggle with it, but there are those that embrace it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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actually, I am just trying to work out how loneliness can fill your lungs with tar, create an addiction and give you cancer which is what smoking can do  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say being on here would exacerbate any feelings of loneliness or mental health issues? People aren't exactly supportive or caring on here. Hope you're alright look after yourself
That can be true, for sure, but I've had some lovely chats in the rooms here and some people do really open up (which is easier to do behind a keyboard) "
It's very valid point that everyone should be extremely cautious on here. When positive conversations make someone feel good, that's great. However,people can suddenly change & the interaction becomes upsetting. Self preservation is the key |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
"This is a controversial point of view: I believe that you can choose to feel lonely and train yourself not to feel lonely, especially with information technology so ubiquitous.
Since my relationship I ended, I now live on my own, but I am never experience loneliness.
My daily contact with people has simply changed from an intensive one on one daily relationship to contact with dozens, albeit briefly, every day.
People fascinate me, I am prodigiously knowledgeable and interact harmoniously almost incessantly.
People who articulate feelings of loneliness are actually expressing frustration with their isolation, that engenders feelings of depression.
The key is to get out and about: we humans are intrinsically cooperative social beings; we are hard wired to interact daily within our species.
With all due respect, I don't think you know what you are talking about. Your observations are all correct & true but the self-congratulatory tone of your message alone speaks volumes about you not having grappled with this issue for real.
Please do consider the possibility that other people may have deeper, stronger, and more intricate thoughts and feelings surrounding their place in the world and the way they relate to others than you ever will. "
I thoroughly respect your opinions about this very serious issue and your observations of my self congratulatory tone; for a very long time I was devastatingly lonely because of relationship issues caused a very dysfunctional upbringing.
I found a way to resolve those issues, and became much more at peace with myself: happy in my own skin, understanding who I am, and aware that you cannot get along with everyone. Dumping toxic so called friends was a big part of the solutions.
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Since losing my wife of 47yrs of bliss 4yr ago .i found that no one can honestly fill the hole she left but life go's on .so to cope with the loveliness I joined fabswingers and meet some nice people that filled it in a bit but there is a gap still that will never be filled . |
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By *loth280Man
over a year ago
Caversham |
I had lived with my elderly uncle for the last 12 years and with a partner for 8 of those years but in the space of a couple of months the relationship emded and my uncle passed away......
I never thought i would feel lonely as i have friends and family around me....but the lonliness has been crushing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Keep your head together pal. Don't go looking for company at the bottom of a glass. The social scene in the U.K. evolves around bars and booze, don't fall into that trap. Chin up mate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Adrian and I are separated and living in separate rooms despite the couple profile...it's just easier. But i definitely miss the affection and companionship. My kids are great, but it's not the same |
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https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness/transcript?language=en
A question with many answers. Some fit and some don’t. This is one answer. I hope it helps you somehow, in your search for the opposite of loneliness.
A great big hug to you.  |
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By *ammo89Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen |
"After a recent death of a friend, I have been thinking about loneliness. Medical professionals now say feelings of loneliness on your health is the equivelant of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. They also think one of the reasons Japanese people have long lives is due to how sociable they are.
I have been thinking more about the types of loneliness. We can sometimes have many family and friends in our lives but still feel lonely. I think sometimes we are lonely for the special somebody in our life to have fun with, to romance, to make laugh, to have sex with, to share the good and bad times, etc.
Do you ever get lonely? I do. I miss having somebody special in my life. "
My family lost a lifelong friend in 2021, and found out another was terminal with cancer in early 2022. It's been tough, and since then I've felt much more lonely while coming to terms with this.
Unfortunately, saying this will make me seem like I'm whining, and therefore less attractive, but sometimes guys have to get things off their chest as well |
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By *0IAN00Man
over a year ago
Dumfries & Galloway |
Loneliness is something that people don't like to admit too and for anyone on here to say they are lonely is a very brave thing to do. I admit it because it makes me feel better being able to recognise it and be self aware |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've lived alone for best part of 30 years following divorce and breakdown of subsequent relationship but I've never actually felt "lonely". I turned to swinging rather than seek other romantic relationships and living alone means I am able to indulge whenever I want. (which is often). Pre covid I travelled alone internationally for business and went on holidays alone and again it didn't bother me as it was possible to indulge in clandestine sex fun when opportunities arise... And I did seek them out. I enjoy living alone.. No arguments about what TV to watch or not watch. I cook and eat what I like when I like. And if I want to trawl the Internet for porn and have a wank.. I can anytime. I dont really have any "mates" either to go for a pint with regularly. And I dont have family nearby. But I'm happy to go out for a pint or meal in my own and read a book. I feel I don't need anyone else to validate my existance. My only concern is the highly likely possibility of me dying alone and not being found for days because no one expects to see me. But hey... That can only happen once can't it! |
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By *loth280Man
over a year ago
Caversham |
The most toxic thing any of us can do is keep feelings bottled up inside! I have watched my dad struggle the last couple of months but keep a smile on his face so everyone thinks hes ok.....when the bottle inevitably breaks it will be far worse than if he just let it out at the time |
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Yes it can be so hard very hard with loneness, remember to talk to someone it is good to take it out. Do not let the walls close in on you.
I'm always her to talk if anyone needs to.
Stay Safe , Stay Strong |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
Some really good posts here.
I used to feel crushing loneliness when single... Then I came across this Radio 4 programme which is fascinating. It curates research on loneliness and describes it as a state of mind.
In early English language, apparently we didn't have the word "lonely", but "Oneness" which some of you describe you enjoy - treasuring and indulging your own time.
I still replay this podcasts when feeling lonely and it puts me in a better frame of mind. Kind of like a CBT exercise.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000fvzf?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile |
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"I've lived alone for best part of 30 years following divorce and breakdown of subsequent relationship but I've never actually felt "lonely". I turned to swinging rather than seek other romantic relationships and living alone means I am able to indulge whenever I want. (which is often). Pre covid I travelled alone internationally for business and went on holidays alone and again it didn't bother me as it was possible to indulge in clandestine sex fun when opportunities arise... And I did seek them out. I enjoy living alone.. No arguments about what TV to watch or not watch. I cook and eat what I like when I like. And if I want to trawl the Internet for porn and have a wank.. I can anytime. I dont really have any "mates" either to go for a pint with regularly. And I dont have family nearby. But I'm happy to go out for a pint or meal in my own and read a book. I feel I don't need anyone else to validate my existance. My only concern is the highly likely possibility of me dying alone and not being found for days because no one expects to see me. But hey... That can only happen once can't it! "
I am sort of in the same place - I am actually very comfortable on my own and find that having _consistent_ expectations to do social things with people is quite stressful. I like being able to dip in and out of things so swinging is perfect.
Your concern is also my concern  |
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