FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Catch 22 for the single male
Catch 22 for the single male
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"It's not catch 22. Anyone can get a meet veri easily. What you will find is that it won't make a lot of difference. The fact you haven't got a veri is just a handy reason for people to give. There is also the fact that if people can't be bothered to go to a social and get verified are they likely to turn up to a meet?" This 
There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene.
At the end of the day it might make a little difference but not much. Fab is just 1 small tools in the active siwingers toolbox if your a single male and plan to rely on Fab exclusively then you need to stand out among the other 100 single guys for every single female or couple on here.
KJ | |||
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"Hi. As for meeting very easily it is clear from some other posters here that they share the same experience. "Cant be bothered to go to a social". That is an interesting comment. No idea where the "can't be bothered" came from. We are all different and group socials suit some but not others. There are a whole range of alternatives so I do not see that not exploring that single avenue should be an impediment but maybe I am mistaken. " Good luck on your journey then. What I will say is not having a single public picture and especially a blank avatar picture will be a far greater impediment to you. 99.9% won't even open a message from a profile will the blank black silhouette. It doesn't need to be a face picture. A topless torso pictures can work wonders, letting potential meets know your body type whilst still fully protecting your identity. The 2nd big barrier is your a single male who can't accommodate rightly or wrongly many couples will read that (especially given your age) and your on Here trying to cheat o a partner at home. If your are here without your partners knowledge then be up fnt on your profile about it so people can make an informed choice. If it's for another genuine reason such as children still living then say so in your profile. These 2 steps alone will certainly improve your chances. KJ | |||
" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. " there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . same go's for social most limit guys then factor in that the same guys keep going to every meet along with the same couples and women its pretty bleak for guys there too i do agree tho that clubs and socials are the best way to gain meets over the last 28 years most of our meet that are regular have come from clubs meets first but its in no way easy for a guy ...they get treated awful if they dont fit | |||
" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . same go's for social most limit guys then factor in that the same guys keep going to every meet along with the same couples and women its pretty bleak for guys there too i do agree tho that clubs and socials are the best way to gain meets over the last 28 years most of our meet that are regular have come from clubs meets first but its in no way easy for a guy ...they get treated awful if they dont fit " We live close to the OP (less than 10miles) and there are socials organised often Iin both his home town of Darlington and also in stockton / Middlesbrough teesside. He then has the socials In leeds, Durham and Newcastle within an hour drive. In terms of clubs he has Clubf Stanley Durham, shhh Newcastle both about a 40 minute drive for him and Leeds an hour away gives him both pandoras and quest. All 4 of those clubs welcome new single male members. So compared to many parts of the UK the OP is actually spoilt for choice. 
KJ | |||
"Hi. As for meeting very easily it is clear from some other posters here that they share the same experience. "Cant be bothered to go to a social". That is an interesting comment. No idea where the "can't be bothered" came from. We are all different and group socials suit some but not others. " If people can't meet others in a pub for a drink are they likely to meet others and get naked? Swinging is a social activity, it's not really for shrinking violets. | |||
" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . same go's for social most limit guys then factor in that the same guys keep going to every meet along with the same couples and women its pretty bleak for guys there too i do agree tho that clubs and socials are the best way to gain meets over the last 28 years most of our meet that are regular have come from clubs meets first but its in no way easy for a guy ...they get treated awful if they dont fit " I couldn't agree more with your last statement, and would never recommend the club scene to a mate, based on my experience of visiting several clubs, all of who sell themselves as "everyone is friendly, we'll make you feel welcome". The reality is usually quite depressing..... To the OP; the irony of Fab is today you are concerned no veris is preventing you getting meets, but can you imagine having plenty of veris, and people not wanting to meet you because "you are too active for me"? 
I think a rewording of your profile would help (just delete the last two lines completely), and a couple of public pics of you fully dressed (but face hidden for privacy) will improve your responses I'm sure.
Good luck! | |||
" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . same go's for social most limit guys then factor in that the same guys keep going to every meet along with the same couples and women its pretty bleak for guys there too i do agree tho that clubs and socials are the best way to gain meets over the last 28 years most of our meet that are regular have come from clubs meets first but its in no way easy for a guy ...they get treated awful if they dont fit We live close to the OP (less than 10miles) and there are socials organised often Iin both his home town of Darlington and also in stockton / Middlesbrough teesside. He then has the socials In leeds, Durham and Newcastle within an hour drive. In terms of clubs he has Clubf Stanley Durham, shhh Newcastle both about a 40 minute drive for him and Leeds an hour away gives him both pandoras and quest. All 4 of those clubs welcome new single male members. So compared to many parts of the UK the OP is actually spoilt for choice.
KJ"im not doubting there no choice what i am saying is if every guy took that advice then 99.9% would get no where due to clubs limits on guys ... since covid there been and increase in guys ... wont belong before guy wont be able to go to a club .... some of the clubs down here are 5 to 10 guy max i know thats the same in a lot of places unless it a big club but even then theres a limit | |||
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" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . " I our experience 90% of te singles males sign up thinking is an easy route to sex ofen because they struggle to find it in real life. Once they realise to break into the swinging scene it takes even more effort, respect, desire to learn, network, attend events and have the social graces and a decent, positive personality (they type that draws people in) they soon fall by the wayside along with the fantasist, dreamers and incels. This leave about 10% who have a chance at successfully breaking into the swinging scene. Once you have decent veris and a good reputation then the opportunities really open up such as private house /estate parties etc. It's the genuine angle mae siwingers who love and embrace the scene who interest us and Weare happy to know afewvery succesfulsinglemales we consider friends. Just our insight take it or leave it OP. KJ | |||
" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . I our experience 90% of te singles males sign up thinking is an easy route to sex ofen because they struggle to find it in real life. Once they realise to break into the swinging scene it takes even more effort, respect, desire to learn, network, attend events and have the social graces and a decent, positive personality (they type that draws people in) they soon fall by the wayside along with the fantasist, dreamers and incels. This leave about 10% who have a chance at successfully breaking into the swinging scene. Once you have decent veris and a good reputation then the opportunities really open up such as private house /estate parties etc. It's the genuine angle mae siwingers who love and embrace the scene who interest us and Weare happy to know afewvery succesfulsinglemales we consider friends. Just our insight take it or leave it OP. KJ" now that i do agree with 90% of men think its a sex on a plate site | |||
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" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . I our experience 90% of te singles males sign up thinking is an easy route to sex ofen because they struggle to find it in real life. Once they realise to break into the swinging scene it takes even more effort, respect, desire to learn, network, attend events and have the social graces and a decent, positive personality (they type that draws people in) they soon fall by the wayside along with the fantasist, dreamers and incels. This leave about 10% who have a chance at successfully breaking into the swinging scene. Once you have decent veris and a good reputation then the opportunities really open up such as private house /estate parties etc. It's the genuine angle mae siwingers who love and embrace the scene who interest us and Weare happy to know afewvery succesfulsinglemales we consider friends. Just our insight take it or leave it OP. KJ" Thankyou. This puts it so well. | |||
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" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . I our experience 90% of te singles males sign up thinking is an easy route to sex ofen because they struggle to find it in real life. Once they realise to break into the swinging scene it takes even more effort, respect, desire to learn, network, attend events and have the social graces and a decent, positive personality (they type that draws people in) they soon fall by the wayside along with the fantasist, dreamers and incels. This leave about 10% who have a chance at successfully breaking into the swinging scene. Once you have decent veris and a good reputation then the opportunities really open up such as private house /estate parties etc. It's the genuine angle mae siwingers who love and embrace the scene who interest us and Weare happy to know afewvery succesfulsinglemales we consider friends. Just our insight take it or leave it OP. KJ Thankyou. This puts it so well. " Thank you x Also apologies for all the typos, my new mobile isn't keen on my fat fingers  | |||
" I know you have someone upthread who apparently has never enjoyed a night in a club ever. I met my fella at one of the local clubs, and I’ve had similar conversations with a lot of the other single men - swinging is what you make of it. If you go in with the intention of spending time talking to some fun people and play is an unexpected bonus, you’ll do fine. Same with organised socials. This isn’t the obvious site for single people to try for hookups, though, given that swinging is about friendship as well as sex." I'll assume this is aimed at me, but take no offence
I've visited 7 different clubs as a single guy, and can confirm they're all basically the same, in as much as once you've paid you're entry fee, you're instantly forgotten.If you're lucky, you will find someone approachable enough to want to chat with you, otherwise most will stick within their established groups of friends. I went to Club f 5 times as a single guy, had 2 nights where not a soul spoke with me, one night which was great as a purely social night, and two nights had the best club experiences ever. I've also been to Club f as a couple, had a great night with my play partner, but experienced the flip side of the coin, with a single guy who crossed the line. I've also coupled up with lady friends to visit other clubs, and can confirm, the reception I received as part of a couple, is far beyond 'the usual' when I've been by myself, hence; I would never recommend the club scene to a mate.
To the OP; try a club. Expect nothing, literally, and you won't be disappointed! It's just a pub, with spa facilities (often), and the potential for some sexy fun. Give it an hour; you'll know how the night is likely to go after that, and if you're not feeling comfortable, or welcome, just leave. It's fine, you gave it a go, and the worst that happened is you have an interesting tale to tell your mates down the pub | |||
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"It's not catch 22. Anyone can get a meet veri easily. What you will find is that it won't make a lot of difference. The fact you haven't got a veri is just a handy reason for people to give. There is also the fact that if people can't be bothered to go to a social and get verified are they likely to turn up to a meet?" Exactly this! I’m a single male and I have been on Fab maybe 2 months…. Look out for locals social events(think of it as networking), and go, on your own, to a local club. People are very friendly! I know what the site appears to be for, but don’t expect anything just go to meet new people and enjoy yourself….anything else that happens is just a bonus. Have fun | |||
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" There are enough clubs and socials up and down the country so the ability to gain a meet veri is there for anyone who is genuinely serious about exploring the swinging scene. there are not not for men to enter anyway as most clubs limit if every swinger decided to go to a club on the same weekend in this country 99.9% would not get in due to being full .... clubs are still a very small part of the scene . I our experience 90% of te singles males sign up thinking is an easy route to sex ofen because they struggle to find it in real life. Once they realise to break into the swinging scene it takes even more effort, respect, desire to learn, network, attend events and have the social graces and a decent, positive personality (they type that draws people in) they soon fall by the wayside along with the fantasist, dreamers and incels. This leave about 10% who have a chance at successfully breaking into the swinging scene. Once you have decent veris and a good reputation then the opportunities really open up such as private house /estate parties etc. It's the genuine angle mae siwingers who love and embrace the scene who interest us and Weare happy to know afewvery succesfulsinglemales we consider friends. Just our insight take it or leave it OP. KJ" This is the way  | |||
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" I know you have someone upthread who apparently has never enjoyed a night in a club ever. I met my fella at one of the local clubs, and I’ve had similar conversations with a lot of the other single men - swinging is what you make of it. If you go in with the intention of spending time talking to some fun people and play is an unexpected bonus, you’ll do fine. Same with organised socials. This isn’t the obvious site for single people to try for hookups, though, given that swinging is about friendship as well as sex. I'll assume this is aimed at me, but take no offence
I've visited 7 different clubs as a single guy, and can confirm they're all basically the same, in as much as once you've paid you're entry fee, you're instantly forgotten.If you're lucky, you will find someone approachable enough to want to chat with you, otherwise most will stick within their established groups of friends. I went to Club f 5 times as a single guy, had 2 nights where not a soul spoke with me, one night which was great as a purely social night, and two nights had the best club experiences ever. I've also been to Club f as a couple, had a great night with my play partner, but experienced the flip side of the coin, with a single guy who crossed the line. I've also coupled up with lady friends to visit other clubs, and can confirm, the reception I received as part of a couple, is far beyond 'the usual' when I've been by myself, hence; I would never recommend the club scene to a mate.
To the OP; try a club. Expect nothing, literally, and you won't be disappointed! It's just a pub, with spa facilities (often), and the potential for some sexy fun. Give it an hour; you'll know how the night is likely to go after that, and if you're not feeling comfortable, or welcome, just leave. It's fine, you gave it a go, and the worst that happened is you have an interesting tale to tell your mates down the pub "We are a couple who also go to clubf and have pretty much the same experience as you I. E some nights not a soul speaks to us, some nights there a little social banter but not much else and occasionally we have a great night involve play in fact 2 great nights out of 7 trips is about right in our experience. KJ | |||
"Hi there world! A question to single ladies and couples. I am experiencing a problem here that I think a lot of the single males on Fab share. Replies are few and far between and when they do come invariable my lack of verification is prominently mentioned. Clearly people want to meet verified people but we cannot get verified without meeting....and no one wants to meet an unverified person..Catch 22. Like a lot of people I want to meet like minded people but at the same time I am cautious about the fact anyone can look at profile fotos on Fab for all and sundry to see. I make it clear I am very happy to share on request from serious people but .....Suggestions/ pointers gratefully received. Happy Fabbing! J.x" Socials………….. Clubs……….. Starting points!!! Gets your foot in the door… and you have already separated yourself from others because you will have shown people what you are like in polite human company…. You know… that whole “personality “ thing  | |||
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"Hi. As for meeting very easily it is clear from some other posters here that they share the same experience. "Cant be bothered to go to a social". That is an interesting comment. No idea where the "can't be bothered" came from. We are all different and group socials suit some but not others. There are a whole range of alternatives so I do not see that not exploring that single avenue should be an impediment but maybe I am mistaken. Good luck on your journey then. What I will say is not having a single public picture and especially a blank avatar picture will be a far greater impediment to you. 99.9% won't even open a message from a profile will the blank black silhouette. It doesn't need to be a face picture. A topless torso pictures can work wonders, letting potential meets know your body type whilst still fully protecting your identity. The 2nd big barrier is your a single male who can't accommodate rightly or wrongly many couples will read that (especially given your age) and your on Here trying to cheat o a partner at home. If your are here without your partners knowledge then be up fnt on your profile about it so people can make an informed choice. If it's for another genuine reason such as children still living then say so in your profile. These 2 steps alone will certainly improve your chances. KJ " We agree with this totally. | |||
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"Hi there world! A question to single ladies and couples. I am experiencing a problem here that I think a lot of the single males on Fab share. Replies are few and far between and when they do come invariable my lack of verification is prominently mentioned. Clearly people want to meet verified people but we cannot get verified without meeting....and no one wants to meet an unverified person..Catch 22. Like a lot of people I want to meet like minded people but at the same time I am cautious about the fact anyone can look at profile fotos on Fab for all and sundry to see. I make it clear I am very happy to share on request from serious people but .....Suggestions/ pointers gratefully received. Happy Fabbing! J.x" 
Photos are important. You can have lots of photos without being recognised by your neighbours. Telling people to ask for them is missing the point. The profile pic is your "shop window". Most will just pass by and not even bother to read your profile if there's no photo to catch the eye. You are in competition with hundreds of other single guys. So add more photos so people can see your body shape and how you dress and naked ones too. You can always have face pics hidden. | |||
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"Also,women may not like what you look like. I always put my photo with a message. Most are ignored,and the ones that are read are also(mostly)ignored,so I guess the girls don't like me. You could be in the same situation,sod all you can do about your looks." A lot of people use the sillohette profile pic as a filter, so your message could contain 20 photos but will automatically get deleted as no profile pic is the easiest way to cut your inbox down by at least 50% As I said earlier in this thread a profile pic doesn't have to be identifying so there's no reason not to have one | |||
"There is no catch 22. Everyone, every single person on Fab, whether single or couple starts out unverified. All of them. Yet so many seem to manage to get that first one and go on to get more. Why is that? Because effort in = output. It's generally not rhe lack of a veri that stops a meet. It'll be something else. A lack of photos, or the content of the photos on display. The text (or lack of) that someone has written to describe themselves. The content of messages sent. Forum Post comments and opinions. It's very rarely just the lack of a green tick. A" I agree; every profile in Fab starts out unverified. But having a pussy (whether as a single female or one half of a couple), makes Fab life, and the club scene, much easier | |||
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