FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Disappointed
Disappointed
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"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? " A firm no as soon as they got closer than what was comfortable would have done it in most cases. Be absolutely clear and rude if you have when someone encroaches your space and don't be afraid to kick up a fuss and let club staff know. Too many decent folks suffer in silence which only encourages these idiots. | |||
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"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? A firm no as soon as they got closer than what was comfortable would have done it in most cases. Be absolutely clear and rude if you have when someone encroaches your space and don't be afraid to kick up a fuss and let club staff know. Too many decent folks suffer in silence which only encourages these idiots." This, very much so! At first, I was like you, OP, too timid to say anything. But once I started to visit clubs regularly, I found my voice and can firmly say "no". Another way of avoiding "chancers", apart from using private rooms only, is stopping what you were doing and moving elsewhere (pain in the arse though). | |||
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"We are going to try a couples night and see if that’s any better. This man must have been 30 years older than me and I found him quite rude. He must be a regular because everyone knew him. We heard him being transphobic and kept referring to a member as he and refused to use the correct pronouns. Was quite homophobic too and said he only likes normal people. He made me so angry! I hope that lovely lady I saw in there didn’t hear him calling her names. " I'd be reporting him to management. That's really not the attitude to have! This is supposed to be an inclusive community. | |||
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"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? " Grim | |||
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"We are going to try a couples night and see if that’s any better. This man must have been 30 years older than me and I found him quite rude. He must be a regular because everyone knew him. We heard him being transphobic and kept referring to a member as he and refused to use the correct pronouns. Was quite homophobic too and said he only likes normal people. He made me so angry! I hope that lovely lady I saw in there didn’t hear him calling her names. " How wile and disgusting, hard to believe that someone like that is allowed through the door! I have no tolerance whatsoever for entitled creeps and do not appreciate the assumption that it is my job to "say a firm no". I'm sorry, what? If it is not an enthusiastic yes then it is an automatic no, end of discussion. If I have to stop in the middle of play to eject someone then they have already crossed the line, simple as that. It is not your job to police people's behaviour but their job to behave like human beings and not animals. If they can't then they should be attending such events. The club should be active in making sure that all attendees are behaving in a respectful and fully consensual manner - if it wants to ensure this, it can. I have literally been on a team of a club who did this and my favourite clubs are doing it very successfully. It is not rocket science. | |||
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"We are going to try a couples night and see if that’s any better. This man must have been 30 years older than me and I found him quite rude. He must be a regular because everyone knew him. We heard him being transphobic and kept referring to a member as he and refused to use the correct pronouns. Was quite homophobic too and said he only likes normal people. He made me so angry! I hope that lovely lady I saw in there didn’t hear him calling her names. " Why not try to arrange to meet a couple off here? At least you'd have had a chat first? | |||
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"We are going to try a couples night and see if that’s any better. This man must have been 30 years older than me and I found him quite rude. He must be a regular because everyone knew him. We heard him being transphobic and kept referring to a member as he and refused to use the correct pronouns. Was quite homophobic too and said he only likes normal people. He made me so angry! I hope that lovely lady I saw in there didn’t hear him calling her names. I'd be reporting him to management. That's really not the attitude to have! This is supposed to be an inclusive community." I agree with you. I'm looking forward to my first visit to one. However, on my first visit, I can honestly say I would just observe.Unless I'm really invited to watch or join in, I wouldn't. I also wouldn't like it if someone just grabbed me. I'm not shy but not experienced in mixed sauna/ club venues. | |||
"We are going to try a couples night and see if that’s any better. This man must have been 30 years older than me and I found him quite rude. He must be a regular because everyone knew him. We heard him being transphobic and kept referring to a member as he and refused to use the correct pronouns. Was quite homophobic too and said he only likes normal people. He made me so angry! I hope that lovely lady I saw in there didn’t hear him calling her names. Why not try to arrange to meet a couple off here? At least you'd have had a chat first?" I tried that but it wasn't really working for me - a huge amount of messing around and sudden excuses when I tried to arrange a social, very rarely did the couple of been chatting to actually turn up. The advice I was given was try a club but like the OP the experience wasn't for me. Thankfully I have found a great couple elsewhere that I meet up with when I can, so all ended well for me, but I can sympathise with anyone getting frustrated in that situation. | |||
" I tried that but it wasn't really working for me - a huge amount of messing around and sudden excuses when I tried to arrange a social, very rarely did the couple of been chatting to actually turn up. The advice I was given was try a club but like the OP the experience wasn't for me. Thankfully I have found a great couple elsewhere that I meet up with when I can, so all ended well for me, but I can sympathise with anyone getting frustrated in that situation." Know exactly where you are coming from. Seems like after the last couple of years it is tricky to meet people out of the club, party or social event scene for us? Can't recall the last time we managed to meet anyone who we didn't already know outside an event, in fact it's pretty hard to network here and rarely get any messages/response. People are increasingly hard to get to commit to meeting for pre drinks we find putting it out there via the meet section doesn't seem to fruit much of a response for us (don't find the appeal in insta fuck scenarios unless it's someone who we know and trust already) A social event might work for you? We have run/hosted a few group socials that have been incredibly popular so the people are out there but will say people on here nowadays can be demanding and it makes it a lot of work organising one. | |||
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"Sorry to hear about this. As a few others have said, I'd report that to the club management, as that's not acceptable. Also might be worth reporting them to Fab admin if they have a profile?" Can admin can only take action on things that happen on fab. | |||
" I tried that but it wasn't really working for me - a huge amount of messing around and sudden excuses when I tried to arrange a social, very rarely did the couple of been chatting to actually turn up. The advice I was given was try a club but like the OP the experience wasn't for me. Thankfully I have found a great couple elsewhere that I meet up with when I can, so all ended well for me, but I can sympathise with anyone getting frustrated in that situation. Know exactly where you are coming from. Seems like after the last couple of years it is tricky to meet people out of the club, party or social event scene for us? Can't recall the last time we managed to meet anyone who we didn't already know outside an event, in fact it's pretty hard to network here and rarely get any messages/response. People are increasingly hard to get to commit to meeting for pre drinks we find putting it out there via the meet section doesn't seem to fruit much of a response for us (don't find the appeal in insta fuck scenarios unless it's someone who we know and trust already) A social event might work for you? We have run/hosted a few group socials that have been incredibly popular so the people are out there but will say people on here nowadays can be demanding and it makes it a lot of work organising one. " I do love smaller group socials (anything over 80ish people feels overwhelming to me) and I'm trying to get to more this year and look at ones slightly further afield (I'm happy to travel a fair way so distance isn't a huge issue). They're usually great fun! | |||
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"We are going to try a couples night and see if that’s any better. This man must have been 30 years older than me and I found him quite rude. He must be a regular because everyone knew him. We heard him being transphobic and kept referring to a member as he and refused to use the correct pronouns. Was quite homophobic too and said he only likes normal people. He made me so angry! I hope that lovely lady I saw in there didn’t hear him calling her names. How wile and disgusting, hard to believe that someone like that is allowed through the door! I have no tolerance whatsoever for entitled creeps and do not appreciate the assumption that it is my job to "say a firm no". I'm sorry, what? If it is not an enthusiastic yes then it is an automatic no, end of discussion. If I have to stop in the middle of play to eject someone then they have already crossed the line, simple as that. It is not your job to police people's behaviour but their job to behave like human beings and not animals. If they can't then they should be attending such events. The club should be active in making sure that all attendees are behaving in a respectful and fully consensual manner - if it wants to ensure this, it can. I have literally been on a team of a club who did this and my favourite clubs are doing it very successfully. It is not rocket science. " Thank you for this perspective. I'm sure most of us would benefit from communicating desires and boundaries more clearly but having to guard against assault is slightly different - is a club a place to relax or a danger zone? Can't be both, as others have said, firm NOs and avoiding persistent unwanted advances doesn't make for chill sexytime. I do think there is a generational element in this behaviour unfortunately. Curious to see if things will eventually move with the times. | |||
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"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? " Really sorry you had to experience this. This type of behaviour just make the life of single men in the scene harder. Unfortunately, some men think they are entitled to sex once they go to a club. Since the re-opening of clubs I personally noticed this type of behaviour becoming more common. Men opening closed doors, shoving their genitals into couples faces, not understanding the meanning of no. The reason they behave on this way is because in general they ended up succeding. The club I go regularly there is a young guy who never chats to anyone but when on open play areas force himself into couples bed, open doors in the private areas, touches people without consent in the jacuzzi and shockingly gets what he wants. I reported him a couple of times to staff but no changes. If club staff does not ban this type of individual sadly these types will never get the message. | |||
"We are going to try a couples night and see if that’s any better. This man must have been 30 years older than me and I found him quite rude. He must be a regular because everyone knew him. We heard him being transphobic and kept referring to a member as he and refused to use the correct pronouns. Was quite homophobic too and said he only likes normal people. He made me so angry! I hope that lovely lady I saw in there didn’t hear him calling her names. How wile and disgusting, hard to believe that someone like that is allowed through the door! I have no tolerance whatsoever for entitled creeps and do not appreciate the assumption that it is my job to "say a firm no". I'm sorry, what? If it is not an enthusiastic yes then it is an automatic no, end of discussion. If I have to stop in the middle of play to eject someone then they have already crossed the line, simple as that. It is not your job to police people's behaviour but their job to behave like human beings and not animals. If they can't then they should be attending such events. The club should be active in making sure that all attendees are behaving in a respectful and fully consensual manner - if it wants to ensure this, it can. I have literally been on a team of a club who did this and my favourite clubs are doing it very successfully. It is not rocket science. Thank you for this perspective. I'm sure most of us would benefit from communicating desires and boundaries more clearly but having to guard against assault is slightly different - is a club a place to relax or a danger zone? Can't be both, as others have said, firm NOs and avoiding persistent unwanted advances doesn't make for chill sexytime. I do think there is a generational element in this behaviour unfortunately. Curious to see if things will eventually move with the times." Yes, I wonder how much of it is related to entrenched attitudes . I have encountered plenty of people who say words that they do not understand the meaning of, or do not wish to understand them. And yes, you hit the nail on the head - how can a person feel relaxed if they have to be on guard at all times? That's an oxymoron. Personally, I have only been to very few swingers events and they did not go well. My kinky friends warned me about them, that the concept of consent is all wrong in most of them but I have been determined to make up my own mind. They were right and I did not return, not after realising that there is no chance for me to relax at places where I am not treated as a person. It is very disappointing that swingers events have such a bad reputation. Not only regarding consent but general atmosphere which I found to be cold and almost hostile. Huge contrast to the kink clubs I attend and mixed kink and swing events where I know I can relax and remain relaxed, where I can expect a genuine and friendly welcome. Perhaps things might change with time, who knows. There is a cultural shift at the moment and it is becoming less and less acceptable to treat women as if they are less than human beings. And there are many organisers, right now, that are actively ensuring an inclusive, free and relaxed atmosphere at their events. By the way, if you wanted to know about any that I know personally, please feel free to send me a private message if you like. Correction - in my earlier comment there is a typo, it was supposed to be "should not" | |||
"Clubs should be safe places for all who choose to go there. However, staff can only do as much, we can all help one another have a pleasurable, relaxed sexy time. I am aware that, when people are shown around the club for the first time, staff make sure they explain the rules but how many of us actually listened and took in everything that was being said then? Maybe, when people join the club for the first time, they should be given a "contract" to sign and keep a copy of, where the rules, and consequences of breaking them, are clearly stated? Also, if you add alcohol or else to the mix, the inhibitions get lowered and people may do things they wouldn't normally do. Therefore, alcohol should be limited, but it's our own responsibility to know our limits. " I have to say that I disagree that staff can only do so much - based on the evidents of past and current successful events which ensure that the rules are adhered to the reality is that they can a lot. It all depends on priorities of the organiser. If the main priority is making money then the current format of overpriced tickets for single men, vetting only by looks, having no DMs, repeating the tired "no means no" a few times - it continues ad nauseum. Nothing changes, many people are not happy with such a set-up but enough people go who pay the high fees and this rot continues. While if the motivation includes genuine enjoyment for all guests then everything can be done to reduce unacceptable behaviour to a minimum, from email communication, to reinforcement of rules, to staff training, to proper DMs being present, to running social events and even workshops, to having volunteers on social duty who become extra pairs of eyes, to setting up the playrooms in such a way that wanking zombies literally have nowhere to park themselves . Etc. If there is a will, there is a way. Of course there will still be people who will offend but it's amazing how quickly they are dealt with when proper monitoring and rules are in place. It does take considerable effort and I am so grateful for the organisers who truly care - if not for them, I would not have clubs to go to and I am very glad to say that I have a plentiful choice of events to go to. | |||
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"What you lot have to realise is, that being a swinger/swinging clubs/swinging events etc are the perfect cover for deviants and perverts, whether they are male, female or a couple. They can bang on about how genuine they are, but you will never know what their ulterior motive is until it's too late. Still, I suppose swingers clubs, events keep them off the streets "That true! | |||
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"If it is not an enthusiastic yes then it is an automatic no, end of discussion." | |||
"Clubs should be safe places for all who choose to go there. However, staff can only do as much, we can all help one another have a pleasurable, relaxed sexy time. " A good club IS a safe place. Our nearest club is completely no nonsense. You break the rules, you are kicked out not to be let back in. At least tjat has been the case upon our visits. Every first timer is given a tour and told the rules. No means no and if you have to be told more than once, you are gone. Only happened once (not to us) so far on our visits but if you complain, the staff will do something. Ultimetly I have to disagree there is only so much the staff can do because they are the only ones who can eject people causing problems. Yes, they cant screen every first timer but they can make sure they only break club rules once. | |||
"We are not all like that at all! Check its ok to approach,never ever touched without asking. On the other hand ive had ladies grab me without asking, now they get really offended when you ask them to stop! To the OP its fine to be firm and direct if they dont get the hint! " I wouldn't mind ladies grabbing me without asking,lol | |||
"I wouldn't mind ladies grabbing me without asking,lol" That's nice of you. It's also irrelevant. And, of course, just because you wouldn't mind being sexually assaulted, that doesn't mean others wouldn't. | |||
"Ultimetly I have to disagree there is only so much the staff can do because they are the only ones who can eject people causing problems. Yes, they cant screen every first timer but they can make sure they only break club rules once. " I disagree that they are the only ones who can eject people. If someone touched Alice uninvited, they would be thrown out with a broken wrist *and* I would then call the Police. | |||
"I wouldn't mind ladies grabbing me without asking,lol That's nice of you. It's also irrelevant. And, of course, just because you wouldn't mind being sexually assaulted, that doesn't mean others wouldn't." Hardly sexual assault, would be good fun as far as I'm concerned. | |||
"I wouldn't mind ladies grabbing me without asking,lol That's nice of you. It's also irrelevant. And, of course, just because you wouldn't mind being sexually assaulted, that doesn't mean others wouldn't.Hardly sexual assault, would be good fun as far as I'm concerned." It is sexual assault. I have refused advances by females and they have got a right strop on. It works both ways. You may not have any standards, but some of us are fussy! | |||
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"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? " It is very difficult to judge from what you have written; you were in a public room which means other people can watch and come close to you. On the other hand, no always means no and he should have respected that. Apart from these two men did the other club members treat you in the way you expected? A club is like any other place where people meet you get all sorts, some you will like others you will not, I would suggest you give it another try, possibly on a different day. I say that because some clubs have a Greedy Girl Day or evening where it is more acceptable for men to approach ladies who are already playing with another partner and indeed may want multiple partners at the same time, we were not there so cannot give specific advice. We have visited many clubs and have only very seldomly had any problems most members are there for fun and obey the rules, please do not let the few bad apples spoil your fun | |||
"I wouldn't mind ladies grabbing me without asking,lol That's nice of you. It's also irrelevant. And, of course, just because you wouldn't mind being sexually assaulted, that doesn't mean others wouldn't.Hardly sexual assault, would be good fun as far as I'm concerned. It is sexual assault. I have refused advances by females and they have got a right strop on. It works both ways. You may not have any standards, but some of us are fussy!" well I'm not,lol | |||
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"Thank you everyone for your replies and messages. Trying the club again tonight for couples night. Hopefully have some fun! ??" I hope you have a much better experience tonight. One more thing that I missed before: I don't think you're a prude. There's no big book of rules describing the One True Way to do swinging. If you enjoy what you do, that's all that matters. | |||
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"Sounds to me as though you are going to the wrong club! Chameleons (Darlaston) would have sorted this out. Bad behavour by singles is not tolerated! " The club staff were lovely and I think if I’d spoken to them they would have done something. With it being our first time I just assumed I was the one in the wrong. I know now that I can ask people to move away if they are too close. | |||
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"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? " First vist behind you....put it down to learning from first visit.your confidence will grow they should of backed off when you said no.... | |||
"I don't think you're a prude. There's no big book of rules describing the One True Way to do swinging. If you enjoy what you do, that's all that matters." | |||
"It’s not the clubs, it’s the clientele. We are regulars to clubs and find most people very respectful and ask and take no for an answer, so please don’t be put off. ***Unfortunately some people will just play with anyone, even if they haven’t asked and if that’s the guys only experience then he’ll think everyone is the same.*** Stick to your own rules, and if they don’t like it then that’s there problem not yours."
Especially *** | |||
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"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? " That’s awful  I’ve never been to a club before and would like to go, but reading things like this really puts me off. I would be horrified if someone I wasn’t interested in wouldn’t back off and was getting too close. As another poster has said… unless it’s an enthusiastic yes, it means no.
This might sound like a stupid suggestion (like I said, I’m new to all this) but are there any clubs that have colour coded wristbands or something to show what your interest is eg red = look but don’t touch green = fill your boots etc  | |||
"I’ve never been to a club before and would like to go, but reading things like this really puts me off." Disclaimer: I'm a man, so I don't see everything that women experience at a club. But the impression that I've got is that the good experiences greatly outweigh the bad. Clubs generally have a mixture of rooms. At my regular, the ground floor is a 'safe' play-free social area. Upstairs there are open play rooms where people can come in and watch. Downstairs there are lockable private rooms. You don't have to worry about anyone in them. It's worth coming along and seeing the place to yourself. Ten minutes chatting with other women in the smoking area will give you plenty of helpful guidance. I'm sceptical about the wristband idea. "Look but don't touch (unless invited)" is a fairly universal rule. Sadly, the minority who ignore it would probably ignore wristbands too. But maybe it would work. If there is a club that does this, I'd be interested in hearing people's experience with it too. | |||
" But the impression that I've got is that the good experiences greatly outweigh the bad. I'm sceptical about the wristband idea. "Look but don't touch (unless invited)" is a fairly universal rule. Sadly, the minority who ignore it would probably ignore wristbands too. But maybe it would work. If there is a club that does this, I'd be interested in hearing people's experience with it too." I would really hope so. It’s a shame if a few creeps spoil the experience for others by not respecting boundaries. The wristband thing was just a suggestion, but it would be interesting to see if anything like that exists. I feel like it could be one way of setting expectations and could enhance the experience if there was more of an ‘at a glance’ way to see what people were into. Obviously verbal encouragement is really important, but for 1st timers or maybes people a little more shy, it could be one way to guage things a bit better… | |||
"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? That’s awful I’ve never been to a club before and would like to go, but reading things like this really puts me off. I would be horrified if someone I wasn’t interested in wouldn’t back off and was getting too close. As another poster has said… unless it’s an enthusiastic yes, it means no.
This might sound like a stupid suggestion (like I said, I’m new to all this) but are there any clubs that have colour coded wristbands or something to show what your interest is eg red = look but don’t touch green = fill your boots etc "Our visit on Saturday night was much better. Everyone there was very friendly and respectful, met some lovely people and we are excited to go back. X | |||
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"Our visit on Saturday night was much better. Everyone there was very friendly and respectful, met some lovely people and we are excited to go back. X" Ah, that’s great to hear! I’m glad you had a much better experience x | |||
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"I don't understand why people treat clubs differently to anywhere else. You wouldn't stand in a pub and let a man invade your personal space so why there. If you don't know how to respect yourself, dont go to a club "You might not, but I used to. It took swinging - in clubs - to teach me that I don’t have to put up with unwanted touch or be afraid of making a fuss. | |||
"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? That’s awful I’ve never been to a club before and would like to go, but reading things like this really puts me off. I would be horrified if someone I wasn’t interested in wouldn’t back off and was getting too close. As another poster has said… unless it’s an enthusiastic yes, it means no.
This might sound like a stupid suggestion (like I said, I’m new to all this) but are there any clubs that have colour coded wristbands or something to show what your interest is eg red = look but don’t touch green = fill your boots etc
Our visit on Saturday night was much better. Everyone there was very friendly and respectful, met some lovely people and we are excited to go back. X"Thankyou for updating I’ve been stalking this thread wondering how you got on. | |||
"I don't understand why people treat clubs differently to anywhere else. You wouldn't stand in a pub and let a man invade your personal space so why there. If you don't know how to respect yourself, dont go to a club "It does occasionally happen though. And it is understandable. Clubs are very different environments from the ones that most people are used to. Newcomers won't know what behaviour is acceptable and what is expected. It's easy to think "this is just how things are done in clubs" and conclude that clubs are not for you. If you're scared off by that first bad experience, you'll never get the chance to discover that this is the exception, and not considered acceptable | |||
"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? That’s awful I’ve never been to a club before and would like to go, but reading things like this really puts me off. I would be horrified if someone I wasn’t interested in wouldn’t back off and was getting too close. As another poster has said… unless it’s an enthusiastic yes, it means no.
This might sound like a stupid suggestion (like I said, I’m new to all this) but are there any clubs that have colour coded wristbands or something to show what your interest is eg red = look but don’t touch green = fill your boots etc
Our visit on Saturday night was much better. Everyone there was very friendly and respectful, met some lovely people and we are excited to go back. X
Thankyou for updating I’ve been stalking this thread wondering how you got on. "Looking forward to the beach party on the 23rd! X | |||
"I don't understand why people treat clubs differently to anywhere else. You wouldn't stand in a pub and let a man invade your personal space so why there. If you don't know how to respect yourself, dont go to a club "Of course it’s important to be able to look after yourself and protect your boundaries, but I think the mentality should be “if you don’t know how to respect other people, don’t go to a club”  | |||
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"This is why we only go to couples evenings. Too many males think they have entitlement in clubs, not all but far to many. " My experience is actually the opposite - couples seem to be the entitled ones (especially the male half) whereas younger single guys are normally quite polite. Just a viewpoint from a singleton. YMMV. | |||
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"I don't understand why people treat clubs differently to anywhere else. You wouldn't stand in a pub and let a man invade your personal space so why there. If you don't know how to respect yourself, dont go to a club
Of course it’s important to be able to look after yourself and protect your boundaries, but I think the mentality should be “if you don’t know how to respect other people, don’t go to a club” "Samantha_Jade - 100% this and my major issue with traditional/usual swingers club. "No means no" is not good enough. The only thing acceptable is enthusiastic consent, "only Yes means Yes". If I have to say no in the middle of a play scene, then it is already too late! If a person cannot behave with respect to others in a club then that person should not be there. It is not my job to police behaviour of others, it is their job to behave well and the management's job to ensure everyone adheres to the rules and etiquette. | |||
"It’s OK for you to be a prude. My local club has the motto Ladies Are In Charge. Nobody touches you without your consent. You do not suck any cocks you don’t want to. You do not fuck anyone you do not want to. EVERYTHING should be on your terms. That dickhead gets to leave and never see you again. You have to feel good about the interaction. Public play is an invitation to watch, not to join. Please consider that just because people know this chap doesn’t mean he’s popular. He might be known for the wrong reasons. Please mention it to staff regardless - most clubs want a picture of what’s going on even if they choose not to take action this time. Any club that doesn’t listen to you is not a club to give your money to. " THIS! 100%! | |||
"Samantha_Jade - 100% this and my major issue with traditional/usual swingers club. "No means no" is not good enough. The only thing acceptable is enthusiastic consent, "only Yes means Yes". If I have to say no in the middle of a play scene, then it is already too late! If a person cannot behave with respect to others in a club then that person should not be there. It is not my job to police behaviour of others, it is their job to behave well and the management's job to ensure everyone adheres to the rules and etiquette. " Completely agree! If I had to tell someone to stop waving their dick in my face, the moment would already be gone. Everyone should be there to enjoy the experience whilst respecting the experience of others. They shouldn’t be using it as an opportunity to try their chances with someone who wouldn’t give them the time of day in a ‘normal’ bar/ club/ social setting. Just because it’s a swingers club, it doesn’t mean that consent, preferences and standards no longer exist. In my opinion, unless it’s an enthusiastic yes, then it’s a hard no | |||
"We had our first club visit and I’m feeling really disappointed. There wasn’t anyone there we liked so we kept to ourselves but when we were in a public room 2 really elderly men came in and started to watch but they got very close to me and it made me uncomfortable, one was that close he kept putting his cock in my face. After moving away and saying no a couple of times he got the message and left. The other guy left too so I was relieved. He then reappeared and wasn’t happy that we had stopped because he had gone to get a condom! We never asked him to join us and he didn’t ask permission. I’m not sure how clubs work but I thought if people were watching they would keep their distance unless invited to come closer? I’m actually scared to go back. Was it just a bad experience or am I being a prude? " And this WAS the Darlington OAP Lunch Club? I would complain. | |||
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"Sadly that's our experience with single guys allowed into clubs for the most part too. We've had older guys trying to get Lady C to stroke their cocks, groping, banging on doors when we've gone to a private room, the wanking dead and corner watchers. Now we generally stick to couples only nights now and really enjoy those a lot more. " Snap. We’ve tried a few and they seem to be all the same. Not pleasant | |||
Don’t give up on clubs because of a couple of disrespectful morons x | |||
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