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Social Anxiety
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I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations? |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
Anxiety is a bitch, and she lies. If you listen to her lies, she will lie about more things, until eventually you can’t recognise yourself because you’re scared of everything. It stinks.
Please refer yourself for counselling. It really does make a difference, especially for things like this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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anxiety is not a good thing for a scene that rely's on social contacts and meets ... hope you find a way op ... when it comes to clubs just remember we are all there for the same thing ... no different to going to a night club for a dance |
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"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?"
I know exactly what you mean. Iv don't think there is a time in my life since a young age that I have enjoyed being in groups of people. It's the worst feeling to feel that inferior that you have to leave..I'd love to know what causes this part of anxiety |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's very common to feel like that and your fear feeds the anxiety.
It could be genetics, brain chemistry or environmental stress. I would say that latter, as you are OK one on one. It is not something to shy away from but to understand and find a way of breaking it down into manageable goals.
Is it just talking to people in groups, or just being in groups or crowds? Do you get anxious on a busy high street? |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
If you don’t enjoy group socials then don’t force yourself to go.
But if you do want to go and want help with it then maybe speak to someone about it. It might help if you take someone you know along to hand hold or mention to event organiser how you feel so maybe they (or someone else) can help with initially breaking the ice.
Maybe break the group down into a smaller group and just mingle with a small handful to start, and then slowly add in more people you introduce yourself too? Maybe Google some conversation starters if you’re unsure how to get chatting?
And remember, you won’t be the only one nervous, lots will and they will just be putting on a brace face about it.
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"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?"
In all areas of life, be the best ‘you’, and do what works best for you 
Clubs and socials are for couples, but you know that already. All the best fella |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?
In all areas of life, be the best ‘you’, and do what works best for you
Clubs and socials are for couples, but you know that already. All the best fella "
Please stop trying to scare single men away from the club scene, it’s always nice to see fresh faces. |
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"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?"
I am the same. I've not got involved in couple swapping, group play or even played in the public areas as I would just feel completely inferior to the gorgeous, slim women around me who don't have a floppy belly and whos bodies don't wobble like jelly. I'm extremely self conscious about my size so tend to go to bbw events only where I'm more relaxed, but even then I still think every woman in the place looks better than I do. Anxiety and self consciousness is just really hard to overcome sometimes but I'm sure it can be done? Or I hope so, as my anxiety about my looks limits the things I do and the places I go. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?
In all areas of life, be the best ‘you’, and do what works best for you
Clubs and socials are for couples, but you know that already. All the best fella "
Just because clubs don't suit you and you didn't do well in them, doesn't mean it won't be a great experience for others.
For someone with social anxiety they can be very daunting. I'd contact the club, explain your concerns and maybe find a night were there isn't a special event on and it may be less busy. When you are given a tour of the venue, ask if you can be introduced to a couple of regulars and initially chat to them. Another option is to look at club reviews and if someone attends regularly, message them prior to your visit .
If there is a room full of people, don't focus on the amount of folk about, just concentrate on the one or two people smiling and making eye contact. Chat with them and forget others are there. It's just a one to one with them, but in a busier, but very friendly environment .
Tell yourself you'll stay for an hour , and I you are still tense , go home. If you are doing OK, stay longer. Giving yourself permission to do a runner, makes it less scary. |
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By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
I still find large noisy groups very uncomfortable. On a busy night at the club it can be an effort to get to the bar for a drink.
But there are other places and other groups. I keep saying "hot tub and smoking area", because they're the places that I am comfortable socialising. It's quieter and with fewer people.
That's what works for me. Something else might work for you, so experiment. Clubs have different areas with different characters, and each night will be different too.
I get the "people judging me" thing too. Lots of therapy helped. But in the end, it's reminding myself that my fears are not rational, that people can like me, and forcing myself into a situation where they have the chance to show it.
Going to a club has done more for my confidence than anything else. Which is why I keep going on about how great they are, and encourage everyone to go. |
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By *weetCruellaWoman
over a year ago
somewhere sweet and sour |
"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?
I am the same. I've not got involved in couple swapping, group play or even played in the public areas as I would just feel completely inferior to the gorgeous, slim women around me who don't have a floppy belly and whos bodies don't wobble like jelly. I'm extremely self conscious about my size so tend to go to bbw events only where I'm more relaxed, but even then I still think every woman in the place looks better than I do. Anxiety and self consciousness is just really hard to overcome sometimes but I'm sure it can be done? Or I hope so, as my anxiety about my looks limits the things I do and the places I go. "
I just seen your profile and think you look amazing! Dont worry I know you're not bi but just paying a compliment... where do you get your lingerie... i need some decent stuff lol |
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"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?
I am the same. I've not got involved in couple swapping, group play or even played in the public areas as I would just feel completely inferior to the gorgeous, slim women around me who don't have a floppy belly and whos bodies don't wobble like jelly. I'm extremely self conscious about my size so tend to go to bbw events only where I'm more relaxed, but even then I still think every woman in the place looks better than I do. Anxiety and self consciousness is just really hard to overcome sometimes but I'm sure it can be done? Or I hope so, as my anxiety about my looks limits the things I do and the places I go.
I just seen your profile and think you look amazing! Dont worry I know you're not bi but just paying a compliment... where do you get your lingerie... i need some decent stuff lol"
Thank you. Most of it is love honey, think I own most of what they sell, and then mix and match. Also some great stuff on shein, but I buy stuff at saintburys even if it looks nice. Have to buy specialist stockings for the extra length which are expensive but other than that it's lovehoney, amazon, shein etc. |
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By *weetCruellaWoman
over a year ago
somewhere sweet and sour |
"I'm totally cool, confident and myself with one to one meets but find myself crippled by anxiety in group situations.
I've had enough ladies and couples tell me that I'm a 'nice guy' to actually half believe it. But in social groups of lots of people I feel totally self-conscious, unprepared and inferior that I end up having to 'bail'.
I've always found group social situations traumatic as opposed to pleasurable. Maybe I just need to play to my strengths and stick to non-group situations?
I am the same. I've not got involved in couple swapping, group play or even played in the public areas as I would just feel completely inferior to the gorgeous, slim women around me who don't have a floppy belly and whos bodies don't wobble like jelly. I'm extremely self conscious about my size so tend to go to bbw events only where I'm more relaxed, but even then I still think every woman in the place looks better than I do. Anxiety and self consciousness is just really hard to overcome sometimes but I'm sure it can be done? Or I hope so, as my anxiety about my looks limits the things I do and the places I go.
I just seen your profile and think you look amazing! Dont worry I know you're not bi but just paying a compliment... where do you get your lingerie... i need some decent stuff lol
Thank you. Most of it is love honey, think I own most of what they sell, and then mix and match. Also some great stuff on shein, but I buy stuff at saintburys even if it looks nice. Have to buy specialist stockings for the extra length which are expensive but other than that it's lovehoney, amazon, shein etc. "
Thanks hun x |
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