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Best mate's daughter's pics
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I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I say this, because, you don’t want to be accused at some point down the line of a situation in which you could be condoning it, and accused of gro*ming. I am not for one second suggesting you are
But. Better safe than sorry
If you can, I’d also keep a screenshot of this thread, or a file on your computer of what’s happened, for contemporaneous notes that you have tried to address the issue. |
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Tell her she's sent you some pictures that were meant for someone else, you've deleted them and warn her in an authoritative way to be more careful when she sends stuff like that. If she sent them deliberately you warning her will get the message that you're not interested across. If she sent them accidentally it will hopefully reassure her.
Once I can believe but twice? Tread very carefully. |
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"I say this, because, you don’t want to be accused at some point down the line of a situation in which you could be condoning it, and accused of gro*ming. I am not for one second suggesting you are
But. Better safe than sorry
If you can, I’d also keep a screenshot of this thread, or a file on your computer of what’s happened, for contemporaneous notes that you have tried to address the issue. "
Hmmmm.... I will do. But I don't make it known I'm Fab to all my friends though. I'd only use that as a last resort.
She is genuinely 18 so no 'grooming' as such. She is an adult. |
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Message her and say
‘I know you are probably just as embarrassed by this as I am but you have accidentally sent me some pics of yourself I’m sure for your bf or something. As you are my best mates daughter and see you like family I’ve deleted them so we will say no more. You might want to change my name on your phone to one that you won’t confuse with anyone else you might actually want to sent them to’ .
Screenshot the message and if she replies to cover yourself. Don’t lose your mate over something that can be avoided  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely. I’m sure a lot of us don’t talk fab outside in our normal lives
Appreciate the age, but, if an accusation ever gets made, it’s very hard for you to tell the story. Having the backup that you’ve acted to stop it in its tracks could be fundamentally useful
I guess, because I work in education, I’m just very sensitive to the safeguarding agenda, and how badly it can go wrong….
You’re doing the right thing. |
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"Tell her she's sent you some pictures that were meant for someone else, you've deleted them and warn her in an authoritative way to be more careful when she sends stuff like that. If she sent them deliberately you warning her will get the message that you're not interested across. If she sent them accidentally it will hopefully reassure her.
Once I can believe but twice? Tread very carefully."
That's the bit that's caused me to come on here with this. the fact I got two sets of pics.
Having said that her and her best mate do have a reputation of sending the wrong things to wrong recipients. Giggly teenagers multi-tasking and not fully concentrating and all that. Both me nad her dad have had wrong messages before so I'm putting it down to that.
It could be a dare. Or a friend nicked her phone and sent them for a giggle. Who knows? Teenagers eh? |
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"I agree with everyone above - give her a way out that doesn’t embarrass anyone and then delete pic whilst making sure you have recorded the response."
Its the 'avoiding embarrassment' bit that I'm struggling with! But I think you're right |
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"Tell her she's sent you some pictures that were meant for someone else, you've deleted them and warn her in an authoritative way to be more careful when she sends stuff like that. If she sent them deliberately you warning her will get the message that you're not interested across. If she sent them accidentally it will hopefully reassure her.
Once I can believe but twice? Tread very carefully.
That's the bit that's caused me to come on here with this. the fact I got two sets of pics.
Having said that her and her best mate do have a reputation of sending the wrong things to wrong recipients. Giggly teenagers multi-tasking and not fully concentrating and all that. Both me nad her dad have had wrong messages before so I'm putting it down to that.
It could be a dare. Or a friend nicked her phone and sent them for a giggle. Who knows? Teenagers eh? "
Yeah but you need to nip this in the bud especially if you're going to continue with the guitar lessons. |
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"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated! "
Tell her. And as it's your best mates daughter also tell her that anything she sends is out there forever. I'd also tell your best mate. Imagine if he found out you had naked pics of his pride and joy and you hadn't told him. |
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"Tell her she's sent you some pictures that were meant for someone else, you've deleted them and warn her in an authoritative way to be more careful when she sends stuff like that. If she sent them deliberately you warning her will get the message that you're not interested across. If she sent them accidentally it will hopefully reassure her.
Once I can believe but twice? Tread very carefully.
That's the bit that's caused me to come on here with this. the fact I got two sets of pics.
Having said that her and her best mate do have a reputation of sending the wrong things to wrong recipients. Giggly teenagers multi-tasking and not fully concentrating and all that. Both me nad her dad have had wrong messages before so I'm putting it down to that.
It could be a dare. Or a friend nicked her phone and sent them for a giggle. Who knows? Teenagers eh?
Yeah but you need to nip this in the bud especially if you're going to continue with the guitar lessons. "
Of course! hence this post! |
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"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated!
Tell her. And as it's your best mates daughter also tell her that anything she sends is out there forever. I'd also tell your best mate. Imagine if he found out you had naked pics of his pride and joy and you hadn't told him. "
Me and my really are just that. i could go to him with this and it'd be fine between. I'm just trying to spare everyone's blushes.... if possible! |
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She's not as worldly wise as those of us who are older.
Inform her that you had received messages somehow incorrectly and that you have of course deleted them. Give her some guidance on being very careful about the type of pics she sends/shares with anyone in future, as you don't want her to have anything inappropriate happening to her. It's OK to appear older and sensible. She may not have sent them in error but your approach can make it clear that you're not interested.
Potentially adjust how you communicate with her for a while, so that it's not potentially easy to misread your support for her being anything but that. |
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"She's not as worldly wise as those of us who are older.
Inform her that you had received messages somehow incorrectly and that you have of course deleted them. Give her some guidance on being very careful about the type of pics she sends/shares with anyone in future, as you don't want her to have anything inappropriate happening to her. It's OK to appear older and sensible. She may not have sent them in error but your approach can make it clear that you're not interested.
Potentially adjust how you communicate with her for a while, so that it's not potentially easy to misread your support for her being anything but that. "
Yep this.. I'd tell your mate too. Its his daughter that may need to learn something. |
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"She's not as worldly wise as those of us who are older.
Inform her that you had received messages somehow incorrectly and that you have of course deleted them. Give her some guidance on being very careful about the type of pics she sends/shares with anyone in future, as you don't want her to have anything inappropriate happening to her. It's OK to appear older and sensible. She may not have sent them in error but your approach can make it clear that you're not interested.
Potentially adjust how you communicate with her for a while, so that it's not potentially easy to misread your support for her being anything but that. "
I think you're right on going down the more generic dangers of posting things route and offering friendly advice that way.
No one's going to accuse me of anything but you're right she might not have sent them in error or - like I pondered in another reply - it might be a dare or someone 'borrowing' her phone for a giggle.
But I do like the guidance stance you suggest. I think that is the way forward.
Thanks! |
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Try not to worry about embarrassment. Human's all do embarrassing things now and them, it's part of life. But part of trust and respect is being open and not hiding things. Its better to know than not to know. Personally I'd hate the thought of not knowing. Also if for some reason she found out what she did reviewing her digital activity and you didn't tell her that may look creepy that you kept it to yourself. So just call the elephant in the room as it is. No drama, is what it is and done.
So another vote for simply saying you think she sent you photos that weren't for you. You've deleted them and she needs to be more careful in future. |
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"Try not to worry about embarrassment. Human's all do embarrassing things now and them, it's part of life. But part of trust and respect is being open and not hiding things. Its better to know than not to know. Personally I'd hate the thought of not knowing. Also if for some reason she found out what she did reviewing her digital activity and you didn't tell her that may look creepy that you kept it to yourself. So just call the elephant in the room as it is. No drama, is what it is and done.
So another vote for simply saying you think she sent you photos that weren't for you. You've deleted them and she needs to be more careful in future."
Yeah, that seems to be the vote winning option.
Cheers! |
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I agree with the advice to tell her. After all, if you don't, she might send more.
However, I'd be interested in what others think re telling her in such a way that (if it was intentional) she doesn't feel crap.
Maybe I am over thinking it, but I know how rejection can hit teenagers hard and wonder if there's a way to limit that? |
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Once is likely a mistake but twice I'm not sure about. I think she has a massive crush on you or perhaps have heard you're packing a biggun and was hoping for pics in return.
Hope you get this sorted OP as you don't want to lose a best mate over something you've not caused or started. |
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"I agree with the advice to tell her. After all, if you don't, she might send more.
However, I'd be interested in what others think re telling her in such a way that (if it was intentional) she doesn't feel crap.
Maybe I am over thinking it, but I know how rejection can hit teenagers hard and wonder if there's a way to limit that?"
Well that's it I don't want to 'ruin' our friendship. She is like a niece to me having known her all her life and while I'm 100% comfortable with her growing into a sexually active adult (as its completely normal to do that of course) I want to avoid any awkwardness.
I think the more generic just be careful what you send at all times approach is best rather than going into specifics.
I don't think she sent them to me deliberately. Her response to me has not changed one bit, she'd surely act a bit differently if deliberate. So yeah I just need to warn her of the dangers of sending stuff... in a 'best mate' way... |
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"Once is likely a mistake but twice I'm not sure about. I think she has a massive crush on you or perhaps have heard you're packing a biggun and was hoping for pics in return.
Hope you get this sorted OP as you don't want to lose a best mate over something you've not caused or started. "
She's not acted any different with me. And often we'll be alone in a room playing guitars and its always been juts that. No hint even of anything else.
The twice thing does make me think it could be one of her mates 'borrowing; her phone and sending things. They have been known to prank one another.
I won't lose my best mate. We been through 'tougher' things than this together. We're fine. |
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"There’s some sound advice above.
Safeguard yourself & respect your friendship with her dad
Just make sure it’s only the guitar your plucking.
"
Yes. I appreciate all the very sound and measured advice been given so far. Been really good. Thanks to all who have contributed.
Oh yes. We will just play guitars... nothing else! Can assure you of that! |
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All sound advice.
OP perhaps she's not as intelligent as you thought. This is either sloppy pic sending or trying to entice you personally.
Either way it's really not a good thing for her to be doing. I'd even block her number so you can never be accused of 'carrying on the conversation'. That is how the police would view it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sending pics twice is no mistake. You say you have no interest in her so I’d be replying saying you can’t sending pics like this, they’ll come back to haunt you and explain the dangers as you are her dads best pal.
Forget future guitar lessons |
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"Either way it's really not a good thing for her to be doing. I'd even block her number so you can never be accused of 'carrying on the conversation'. That is how the police would view it."
She's 18. Why would the Police be involved? |
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"Either way it's really not a good thing for her to be doing. I'd even block her number so you can never be accused of 'carrying on the conversation'. That is how the police would view it.
She's 18. Why would the Police be involved? "
IF something went wrong down the line and they did end up being involved, they would treat him as accountable because he kept the conversation going.
You don't have to believe me of course  |
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"All sound advice.
OP perhaps she's not as intelligent as you thought. This is either sloppy pic sending or trying to entice you personally.
Either way it's really not a good thing for her to be doing. I'd even block her number so you can never be accused of 'carrying on the conversation'. That is how the police would view it."
Why would the police be involved??? No crime has been committed. Also with regard to blocking number I have had messages since just regarding guitars etc...
But I do still wonder if someone else has sent them from her phone. Her and her mates do borrow each others bank cards and phones and they do prank each other same as we all did when we were teenagers.
No I'm not thinking anything 'legal' will come of this. Nothing to. But I do want to nip it in the bud but with the least awkwardness that's all.
I think the sloppy pic sending theory has some merit too, so you could be right on that one |
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"Either way it's really not a good thing for her to be doing. I'd even block her number so you can never be accused of 'carrying on the conversation'. That is how the police would view it.
She's 18. Why would the Police be involved?
IF something went wrong down the line and they did end up being involved, they would treat him as accountable because he kept the conversation going.
You don't have to believe me of course "
Oops! We're going off at a tangent here. I can assure you there is NO chance we'll end up in any legal or police investigation.
All I was asking is do I gently warn her I got these pics that I deleted immediately OR do I just let it slide??? Nothing more. |
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"Either way it's really not a good thing for her to be doing. I'd even block her number so you can never be accused of 'carrying on the conversation'. That is how the police would view it.
She's 18. Why would the Police be involved?
IF something went wrong down the line and they did end up being involved, they would treat him as accountable because he kept the conversation going.
You don't have to believe me of course
Oops! We're going off at a tangent here. I can assure you there is NO chance we'll end up in any legal or police investigation.
All I was asking is do I gently warn her I got these pics that I deleted immediately OR do I just let it slide??? Nothing more. "
Deff tell her or she may send more |
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"No I'm not thinking anything 'legal' will come of this."
I don't doubt that.
But what if her Dad found out and she pretended it was your idea?
There are lots of other scenarios where this could go horribly wrong. Just saying be so careful nothing can ever come back to bite you that's all. |
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"If you've decided on your course of action I suggest you take it sooner rather than later, before you get any more photos "
Yes, definitely. I have a plan now so can get it done tomorrow and all should be ok. I'm really just wanting to avoid any awkwardness that's. The reality is everyone just laughs about it (cos we all known each other so long and are close) so that's that. But I was interested in people's opinions and they've been very helpful. |
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"Teenage girls that send their Dad's best friend naked pics can end up being dangerous.
Just be prepared for any eventuality is all I'm saying."
It is something that I'm aware of. Hence me seeking advice. But thanks, I agree. |
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"I say this, because, you don’t want to be accused at some point down the line of a situation in which you could be condoning it, and accused of gro*ming. I am not for one second suggesting you are
But. Better safe than sorry
If you can, I’d also keep a screenshot of this thread, or a file on your computer of what’s happened, for contemporaneous notes that you have tried to address the issue.
Hmmmm.... I will do. But I don't make it known I'm Fab to all my friends though. I'd only use that as a last resort.
She is genuinely 18 so no 'grooming' as such. She is an adult. "
But she's still a teenager, and you obviously knew her before she was 18. Just because she's legally an adult doesn't make it ok in any way, shape or form.
You're old enough to be her dad, so act like it and tell her. |
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"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated! "
I would definalty tell her because if she notices that they have sent to you and you haven't said anything she is going to find that a bit creepy, and could potentially tell her dad about this mistake and that you never told her so she could be sure not to do it again...this could you very wrong for you if you keep quiet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a bunch of prudes. At 18 she's an adult and clearly interested in you so get stuck in. The guitar lessons are a great reason to be together and excellent opportunity for fun. Shes clearly looking for lessons on the old pink oboe so be a gentleman and oblige. Personally I'd love an 18yo to want the benefit of my experience. |
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"What a bunch of prudes. At 18 she's an adult and clearly interested in you so get stuck in. The guitar lessons are a great reason to be together and excellent opportunity for fun. Shes clearly looking for lessons on the old pink oboe so be a gentleman and oblige. Personally I'd love an 18yo to want the benefit of my experience. "
No wonder you don’t meet anyone with that attitude! |
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Ok, big thanks to everyone who offered very sound and measured advice. Much appreciated!
I took some of this spot on advice and basically gently warned my friend’s daughter I’d had some ‘unexpected’ messages from her. She was instantly perplexed and upon checking her phone was slightly embarrassed but more annoyed that private pictures she had taken for just herself had been sent elsewhere. Her reaction was instant and without any hesitation. I fully believe she was not aware the pics had been sent until that very second. Also they’d gone to another person as well as me.
Anyway, she has a ‘prime suspect’ as to who the sender really is so I shall leave all that with her. But everything between myself and her is all in the clear and we shall just carry on as before.
Thanks once again! |
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"But what if her Dad found out and she pretended it was your idea?
The Police still wouldn't be involved. She's 18."
A woman of any age can go to the police and make allegations about any man they like. And ruin his life.
It happens sadly  |
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"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated! "
Tell her, delete them. |
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"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated!
Tell her, delete them. "
Already done! See my post just above ! |
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"What a bunch of prudes. At 18 she's an adult and clearly interested in you so get stuck in. The guitar lessons are a great reason to be together and excellent opportunity for fun. Shes clearly looking for lessons on the old pink oboe so be a gentleman and oblige. Personally I'd love an 18yo to want the benefit of my experience. "
Prudes? It's his best mates daughter ffs. Morals. You either have them or ya don't and I can see what side of the fence you sit.
And 18, only really an "adult" as far as paying taxes goes. I'm sure you can remember thinking you were all grown up at 18, and realise many years later you didn't have a fucking clue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Well she is either doing it on purpose in which case she is looking for a response and you can ask but the only response you will get will be outrageous else a lie to give her cover. If it is by accident then it would be decent of you to let her know.
First of all delete the messages and then send an SMS saying that she has sent you these pictures and you wish her to not do so in the future please. That's it, that is all you need to write. If she sends anything like that again, delete it and block her. Cancel the lessons unless you can garuntee another is present and do not let her make those arrangements. If your friend finds out you've stopped the tuition or blocked her you can tell him it is a personal matter which you would rather not tell him but you will f he wishes to know.
A clear conscience is the only thing to focus on in this predicament. The right outcome will follow naturally. If you keep the pics or start talking BS then you are hiding something which you should not hide.
HTH |
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"Well she is either doing it on purpose in which case she is looking for a response and you can ask but the only response you will get will be outrageous else a lie to give her cover. If it is by accident then it would be decent of you to let her know.
First of all delete the messages and then send an SMS saying that she has sent you these pictures and you wish her to not do so in the future please. That's it, that is all you need to write. If she sends anything like that again, delete it and block her. Cancel the lessons unless you can garuntee another is present and do not let her make those arrangements. If your friend finds out you've stopped the tuition or blocked her you can tell him it is a personal matter which you would rather not tell him but you will f he wishes to know.
A clear conscience is the only thing to focus on in this predicament. The right outcome will follow naturally. If you keep the pics or start talking BS then you are hiding something which you should not hide.
HTH"
Thanks but its already sorted - see my update above.
Sorry I don't know how to 'pin' my update for all to see!
But if people still want to comment they can of course! |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"Ok, big thanks to everyone who offered very sound and measured advice. Much appreciated!
I took some of this spot on advice and basically gently warned my friend’s daughter I’d had some ‘unexpected’ messages from her. She was instantly perplexed and upon checking her phone was slightly embarrassed but more annoyed that private pictures she had taken for just herself had been sent elsewhere. Her reaction was instant and without any hesitation. I fully believe she was not aware the pics had been sent until that very second. Also they’d gone to another person as well as me.
Anyway, she has a ‘prime suspect’ as to who the sender really is so I shall leave all that with her. But everything between myself and her is all in the clear and we shall just carry on as before.
Thanks once again! "
I'm glad it was easily sorted |
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"If it is a sister, the thread gets removed but not in the case of a daughter.
I'm incensed!it's his best friend's daughter not his  "
It wasn't the poster's own sister in the recent thread to which I refer.
However, as the thread was taken down, there is no no way of checking the exact detail.
I'm still incensed! |
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"If it is a sister, the thread gets removed but not in the case of a daughter.
I'm incensed!it's his best friend's daughter not his
It wasn't the poster's own sister in the recent thread to which I refer.
However, as the thread was taken down, there is no no way of checking the exact detail.
I'm still incensed!"
The thread might have been removed for several reasons. A contributor could have broken the rules in some way or the op might have asked for it to be taken down |
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One cannot rule out the possibility that she has formed a bit of a 'crush' on you. Not unknown!
If that is even remotely the case then she needs to be treated gently. A harsh brush off would be emotionally damaging to her and leave her feeling foolish at an age when self confidence is fragile.
For you, getting that balance right is difficult but does need dealing with carefully. |
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"
The thread might have been removed for several reasons. A contributor could have broken the rules in some way or the op might have asked for it to be taken down "
Fair comment.
We shall never know. However,I can't imagine anyone would post suggesting intimacy with a direct relative but the concept of also fancying a close relative (usually sister) of a casual partner is far from unheard of in swinging circles.
In fact, it probably figures highly on most promiscuous men's fantasy agendas.
Daughter fancying could be a bit more dodgy! |
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"
The thread might have been removed for several reasons. A contributor could have broken the rules in some way or the op might have asked for it to be taken down
Fair comment.
We shall never know. However,I can't imagine anyone would post suggesting intimacy with a direct relative but the concept of also fancying a close relative (usually sister) of a casual partner is far from unheard of in swinging circles.
In fact, it probably figures highly on most promiscuous men's fantasy agendas.
Daughter fancying could be a bit more dodgy!"
There does seem to be more sensitivity around the legally aged women relatives of men than the other way round. |
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"
The thread might have been removed for several reasons. A contributor could have broken the rules in some way or the op might have asked for it to be taken down
Fair comment.
We shall never know. However,I can't imagine anyone would post suggesting intimacy with a direct relative but the concept of also fancying a close relative (usually sister) of a casual partner is far from unheard of in swinging circles.
In fact, it probably figures highly on most promiscuous men's fantasy agendas.
Daughter fancying could be a bit more dodgy!"
Its all been sorted already so no need to be incensed!
Basically, as I'd pondered, its giddy little teens pranking each other by 'borrowing' each other's phones. So all sorted. I did a full explanation higher in the thread.
However, there was never anyone's sister involved though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Teenage girls that send their Dad's best friend naked pics can end up being dangerous.
Just be prepared for any eventuality is all I'm saying."
Prevention is better than cure.
I would take in my mind the very worst and bad it could turn out.strange things do happen even though we feel iam OK I mean we'll I can be trusted.
Sexual pics from a young lady whom is being taught from her dad's best mate in a position of mature experience and authority is very d Dangerous in this very day and age.
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By *l1pp3ryCouple
over a year ago
Bradford |
The additional pics were sent a few days later so I would imagine they are meant for u. If they were meant for someone else she would surely have realised her mistake after getting no response from the intended recipient. If I send a text (a normal text, to family or whoever) to someone and they don't reply as quickly as I would expect based on their usual speed of reply I will check my texts to ensure I sent them to correct person. With that said, I think you have already received good advice to let her know sternly that she may have sent some pics to u in error to give her a backhanded warning not to do it again |
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"The additional pics were sent a few days later so I would imagine they are meant for u. If they were meant for someone else she would surely have realised her mistake after getting no response from the intended recipient. If I send a text (a normal text, to family or whoever) to someone and they don't reply as quickly as I would expect based on their usual speed of reply I will check my texts to ensure I sent them to correct person. With that said, I think you have already received good advice to let her know sternly that she may have sent some pics to u in error to give her a backhanded warning not to do it again"
Thanks for the advice and concern but its already sorted. I did post an update higher up the thread which basically reads...
Ok, big thanks to everyone who offered very sound and measured advice. Much appreciated!
I took some of this spot on advice and basically gently warned my friend’s daughter I’d had some ‘unexpected’ messages from her. She was instantly perplexed and upon checking her phone was slightly embarrassed but more annoyed that private pictures she had taken for just herself had been sent elsewhere. Her reaction was instant and without any hesitation. I fully believe she was not aware the pics had been sent until that very second. Also they’d gone to another person as well as me.
Anyway, she has a ‘prime suspect’ as to who the sender really is so I shall leave all that with her. But everything between myself and her is all in the clear and we shall just carry on as before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok, big thanks to everyone who offered very sound and measured advice. Much appreciated!
I took some of this spot on advice and basically gently warned my friend’s daughter I’d had some ‘unexpected’ messages from her. She was instantly perplexed and upon checking her phone was slightly embarrassed but more annoyed that private pictures she had taken for just herself had been sent elsewhere. Her reaction was instant and without any hesitation. I fully believe she was not aware the pics had been sent until that very second. Also they’d gone to another person as well as me.
Anyway, she has a ‘prime suspect’ as to who the sender really is so I shall leave all that with her. But everything between myself and her is all in the clear and we shall just carry on as before.
Thanks once again! "
Gosh you sound like a really great guy, well done for tackling this like a mature, thoughtful adult
Midnight |
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"The additional pics were sent a few days later so I would imagine they are meant for u. If they were meant for someone else she would surely have realised her mistake after getting no response from the intended recipient. If I send a text (a normal text, to family or whoever) to someone and they don't reply as quickly as I would expect based on their usual speed of reply I will check my texts to ensure I sent them to correct person. With that said, I think you have already received good advice to let her know sternly that she may have sent some pics to u in error to give her a backhanded warning not to do it again
Thanks for the advice and concern but its already sorted. I did post an update higher up the thread which basically reads...
Ok, big thanks to everyone who offered very sound and measured advice. Much appreciated!
I took some of this spot on advice and basically gently warned my friend’s daughter I’d had some ‘unexpected’ messages from her. She was instantly perplexed and upon checking her phone was slightly embarrassed but more annoyed that private pictures she had taken for just herself had been sent elsewhere. Her reaction was instant and without any hesitation. I fully believe she was not aware the pics had been sent until that very second. Also they’d gone to another person as well as me.
Anyway, she has a ‘prime suspect’ as to who the sender really is so I shall leave all that with her. But everything between myself and her is all in the clear and we shall just carry on as before."
Well done thats the way to handle that situation obviously was an embarrassing mistake on her part one disadvantage of the mobile and social media generation. Plus plenty do take pics of themselves Purely for self confidence even guys do it. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
Well done OP in dealing with this issue sensitively. The poor girl must have been horrified finding out they'd been sent to you.
A chat about how to store private photos and information securely on her phone would be prudent now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Shame you’ve deleted them. Would have loved seeing them! ??"
It’s not the age that’s the issue it’s the fact that she admitted she didn’t intend them to be sent to anyone. So she certainly wouldn’t want her pictures over the internet. If I found my nudes on a random website I’d be mortified and at 18 probably traumatised. Not a joke. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Message her and say
‘I know you are probably just as embarrassed by this as I am but you have accidentally sent me some pics of yourself I’m sure for your bf or something. As you are my best mates daughter and see you like family I’ve deleted them so we will say no more. You might want to change my name on your phone to one that you won’t confuse with anyone else you might actually want to sent them to’ .
Screenshot the message and if she replies to cover yourself. Don’t lose your mate over something that can be avoided "
This. Screenshot your message to her to protect yourself in future.
Also, I'd be tempted to tell your mate (or her mum) that she sent something inappropriate which you deleted. I'm not sure how best to say it, but feel it better you bringing it to her parents attention right away, rather than it accidentally coming out later or in a different way from her & looking very bad on you. In your shoes, I'd even question continuing any 121 time/lessons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Realise that might be OTT and opening worms but worry about things coming out later/differently and getting very ugly fast. Maybe I'd not tell them but keep the screenshot & avoid any futher alone time lessons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What a bunch of prudes. At 18 she's an adult and clearly interested in you so get stuck in. The guitar lessons are a great reason to be together and excellent opportunity for fun. Shes clearly looking for lessons on the old pink oboe so be a gentleman and oblige. Personally I'd love an 18yo to want the benefit of my experience. "
What an absolutely vile thing for a 60 year old man to say about a teenager |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But what if her Dad found out and she pretended it was your idea?
The Police still wouldn't be involved. She's 18.
A woman of any age can go to the police and make allegations about any man they like. And ruin his life.
It happens sadly "
That's some strong internalised misogyny you've got going on there  |
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Personally I’d send her a message saying that she’s obviously sent you these pics by mistake, that it’s made you very uncomfortable, you’ve deleted them, and to prevent it happening again you’re going to block her number. Make sure she can message you through F. B to talk strictly about the guitar. If it happens again then you’re going to have to have a word with her Dad. Being honest though, surely you’re savvy enough to work this out for yourself ??? |
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"That's some strong internalised misogyny you've got going on there "
If by "internalised misogyny" you mean I have a friend, and know of two other men, that this has happened to then yes I do
That's some strong uneducated judgement you've got going on there |
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"
The Police still wouldn't be involved. She's 18.
I think the fact he is her guitar teacher would make a difference"
No it wouldn’t especially as it sounds like a causal arrangement the law around this defines certain people as being in a position of trust or responsibility and roles like a school teacher is included but swimming coach and the likes are not |
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"What a bunch of prudes. At 18 she's an adult and clearly interested in you so get stuck in. The guitar lessons are a great reason to be together and excellent opportunity for fun. Shes clearly looking for lessons on the old pink oboe so be a gentleman and oblige. Personally I'd love an 18yo to want the benefit of my experience. "
She may be over the age of concent yes, but it's his best mates daughter, the is not just legality of it but morals aswell. Iv no idea if you jave children but I'm guessing if you had an 18 year old daughter amd found out your best mate was holding her legs up in the air giving her a good pounding you would be totally fine with this would you? |
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"Message her and say
‘I know you are probably just as embarrassed by this as I am but you have accidentally sent me some pics of yourself I’m sure for your bf or something. As you are my best mates daughter and see you like family I’ve deleted them so we will say no more. You might want to change my name on your phone to one that you won’t confuse with anyone else you might actually want to sent them to’ .
Screenshot the message and if she replies to cover yourself. Don’t lose your mate over something that can be avoided "
|
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"Would anyone feel any differnt about this if she was 21? Or is it the morality of friendship that is the big factor ?"
I was thinking along similar lines. I can't see why anybody is concerned about this woman's father being involved. She's 18, the guy concerned has asked for advice on how to handle the situation sensitively and on the face of it the matter is closed. He's older and her father's friend but the person who initiated the whole situation is her, albeit accidentally. What is worrying people? The age difference, the fact that he knows her father, her youth?
Our son is dating one of his friends daughters, admittedly his friend is a lot older than him so our son and his girlfriend are a similar age but nobody is getting in a twist about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated! "
Your best mates daughter !! Dont ruin your friend ship for a quickie .. one you'll probally fuck his head up n ruin ya friendship n secondly she'll fuck ya a few times n fuck off wi a younger guy sooner or later . Text her n tell her she sent the picture n tell her you'll delete it .. leave it there then.. at least you can show the text if her dad ever says anything . |
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I don’t know why, I just struggle to see the big deal in this. It’s not like it’s his wife, and surely peoples sex lives are private. It’s not like she would ever want her dad knowing who she’s having sex with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I say this, because, you don’t want to be accused at some point down the line of a situation in which you could be condoning it, and accused of gro*ming. I am not for one second suggesting you are
But. Better safe than sorry
If you can, I’d also keep a screenshot of this thread, or a file on your computer of what’s happened, for contemporaneous notes that you have tried to address the issue.
Hmmmm.... I will do. But I don't make it known I'm Fab to all my friends though. I'd only use that as a last resort.
She is genuinely 18 so no 'grooming' as such. She is an adult.
But she's still a teenager, and you obviously knew her before she was 18. Just because she's legally an adult doesn't make it ok in any way, shape or form.
You're old enough to be her dad, so act like it and tell her."
The fact you've known her a long time, before she turned 18 would be used against you if it goes public.
And while you know your mate, dads can react differently than expected |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
Like everyone is saying, tell her she's mistakingly set you pictures.
Should it turn out that it was deliberate, then, given how you see her as a "nieces" and your relationship with her dad, you can explain that you have no interest in her.
If she has fallen for you, it's worth remembering that this sort of thing isn't that unusual, after all Emmanuel Macron married his music teacher.
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"Like everyone is saying, tell her she's mistakingly set you pictures.
Should it turn out that it was deliberate, then, given how you see her as a "nieces" and your relationship with her dad, you can explain that you have no interest in her.
If she has fallen for you, it's worth remembering that this sort of thing isn't that unusual, after all Emmanuel Macron married his music teacher.
"
It’s already been sorted if you read up  |
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"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated!
Your best mates daughter !! Dont ruin your friend ship for a quickie .. one you'll probally fuck his head up n ruin ya friendship n secondly she'll fuck ya a few times n fuck off wi a younger guy sooner or later . Text her n tell her she sent the picture n tell her you'll delete it .. leave it there then.. at least you can show the text if her dad ever says anything . "
Exactly what he did and it’s all sorted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Wouldn’t mention about changing your name on phone - sounds dodgy af
But the rest is ok
"Message her and say
‘I know you are probably just as embarrassed by this as I am but you have accidentally sent me some pics of yourself I’m sure for your bf or something. As you are my best mates daughter and see you like family I’ve deleted them so we will say no more. You might want to change my name on your phone to one that you won’t confuse with anyone else you might actually want to sent them to’ .
Screenshot the message and if she replies to cover yourself. Don’t lose your mate over something that can be avoided "
|
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"Tell her she's sent you some pictures that were meant for someone else, you've deleted them and warn her in an authoritative way to be more careful when she sends stuff like that. If she sent them deliberately you warning her will get the message that you're not interested across. If she sent them accidentally it will hopefully reassure her.
Once I can believe but twice? Tread very carefully.
That's the bit that's caused me to come on here with this. the fact I got two sets of pics.
Having said that her and her best mate do have a reputation of sending the wrong things to wrong recipients. Giggly teenagers multi-tasking and not fully concentrating and all that. Both me nad her dad have had wrong messages before so I'm putting it down to that.
It could be a dare. Or a friend nicked her phone and sent them for a giggle. Who knows? Teenagers eh? "
I reckon she has the hot's for you and she's letting you know she's available, or playing games...DON'T even go there...you've deleted her pics already which is good, send her a message letting her know that you received them and although your not sure if it was by accident or not she hasn't to send them again and also that your not interested...You should make that clear to her I think. If she then keeps sending them maybe time for a change of number or tell your mate..Good luck |
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!!! UPDATE !!! UPDATE !!! UPDATE !!!
Hi everyone
thanks for replying to my post. I git way more response than I ever thought. So thanks.
However, it is all resolved now. Please feel free to read the following update...
"I took some of this spot on advice and basically gently warned my friend’s daughter I’d had some ‘unexpected’ messages from her. She was instantly perplexed and upon checking her phone was slightly embarrassed but more annoyed that private pictures she had taken for just herself had been sent elsewhere. Her reaction was instant and without any hesitation. I fully believe she was not aware the pics had been sent until that very second. Also they’d gone to another person as well as me.
Anyway, she has a ‘prime suspect’ as to who the sender really is so I shall leave all that with her. But everything between myself and her is all in the clear and we shall just carry on as before."
.
So all sorted. Phew! |
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As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
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"If you've decided on your course of action I suggest you take it sooner rather than later, before you get any more photos
Yes, definitely. I have a plan now so can get it done tomorrow and all should be ok. I'm really just wanting to avoid any awkwardness that's. The reality is everyone just laughs about it (cos we all known each other so long and are close) so that's that. But I was interested in people's opinions and they've been very helpful. "
I’m glad you have so much confidence in your friendship.... As a mother of a daughter, I wouldn’t care how long we’d known each other, heck I wouldn’t even care if we were related.... I would rip your head off first and ask questions later. Don’t ever underestimate how protective people can be of their children, regardless of age. |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
"
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child. |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child. "
18 of course is technically an adult and 16 is the age on consent in the UK if there are no other mitigating factors such as responsibility I.e. teacher etc.. or mental impairment |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child.
18 of course is technically an adult and 16 is the age on consent in the UK if there are no other mitigating factors such as responsibility I.e. teacher etc.. or mental impairment "
But the issue here seems to be age ? Or that it’s a friend of the family? |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child.
18 of course is technically an adult and 16 is the age on consent in the UK if there are no other mitigating factors such as responsibility I.e. teacher etc.. or mental impairment "
There’s no technically about it. 18 is an adult. |
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By *utspanCouple
over a year ago
Bournemouth |
"Tell her she's sent you some pictures that were meant for someone else, you've deleted them and warn her in an authoritative way to be more careful when she sends stuff like that. If she sent them deliberately you warning her will get the message that you're not interested across. If she sent them accidentally it will hopefully reassure her.
Once I can believe but twice? Tread very carefully."
Totally agree with you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child.
18 of course is technically an adult and 16 is the age on consent in the UK if there are no other mitigating factors such as responsibility I.e. teacher etc.. or mental impairment
There’s no technically about it. 18 is an adult. "
18 and leg and legal still doesn't make it rite does it !! Some 18 year old look a lot younger .. to me it's twisted why some guy wants to fuck a 18 year old . |
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By *rufflesCouple
over a year ago
manchester |
"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated! "
Uhhm...how did she managecto take a naked selfie pic, with bot arms covering her naughty bits??? |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child.
18 of course is technically an adult and 16 is the age on consent in the UK if there are no other mitigating factors such as responsibility I.e. teacher etc.. or mental impairment
There’s no technically about it. 18 is an adult.
18 and leg and legal still doesn't make it rite does it !! Some 18 year old look a lot younger .. to me it's twisted why some guy wants to fuck a 18 year old . "
I’ve been this girl, and by the time I was 18 I was definitely mature enough to know who I wanted to fuck. I just don’t see why it’s so wrong for her to want that. |
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By *abluesbabyMan
over a year ago
Gibraltar/Cheshire/London |
"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated!
Uhhm...how did she managecto take a naked selfie pic, with bot arms covering her naughty bits??? "
Phones can heave these sucker like attachments to stick to bathroom mirrors and the like to make selfies easier. Its how all these girls on Only Fans and the like manage it etc... |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child.
18 of course is technically an adult and 16 is the age on consent in the UK if there are no other mitigating factors such as responsibility I.e. teacher etc.. or mental impairment
There’s no technically about it. 18 is an adult.
18 and leg and legal still doesn't make it rite does it !! Some 18 year old look a lot younger .. to me it's twisted why some guy wants to fuck a 18 year old . "
Don’t believe the op ever said he wanted to fuck but your stance is very judgemental, 2 consenting adults can do what ever they want |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child.
18 of course is technically an adult and 16 is the age on consent in the UK if there are no other mitigating factors such as responsibility I.e. teacher etc.. or mental impairment
There’s no technically about it. 18 is an adult.
18 and leg and legal still doesn't make it rite does it !! Some 18 year old look a lot younger .. to me it's twisted why some guy wants to fuck a 18 year old .
Don’t believe the op ever said he wanted to fuck but your stance is very judgemental, 2 consenting adults can do what ever they want "
The OP certainly didn't want to. Ever. In fact he clarified it quite clearly in his original post as...
"For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that."
And its quite astounding just how many people have either not grasped both what the OP was telling them AND what advice the OP was actually seeking. Many of them veering off on completely irrelevant tangents, especially ones about adults with minors and all the legal and ramification possibilities... especially when its clearly noted that all the people involved in the OP's post are all actually adults! Baffles me!!!
This thread had been a very 'interesting' read and shows people see what they want to see as opposed to what is really there.
Glad the OP did get some sound advice at least though and now has closure. |
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"As a once young girl (granted it was a long time ago), girls never send something like this “accidentally” nor would I believe it was someone else that sent them to you. In my opinion, the more likely reality is she sent them, but when you didn’t react in the way she had hoped she played the victim. Young girls/ladies are far more worldly wise than I was at that age.... If she has a crush on you she will interpret any interaction in a way that fits her “dreams” or fantasies. Even confronting her about the pics could be turned into - oh he does care about me he wouldn’t have gone out of his way to contact me if he didn’t. I am not in any way saying that she isn’t a lovely young girl, but she is still a child, albeit not legally. I would advise you to be EXTREMELY careful and avoid being alone with her if at all possible. I would also definitely inform her parents, regardless of what steps you have taken, if you don’t tell them and this comes out, you will not be seen as the innocent party.
I agree with this, but I am curious, by what age would she considered not a child. "
I guess it varies, but old enough to not be sending pics by “accident”. |
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"I appreciate mine isn't a 'swinging' question par se but wasn't sure where else to post so hope it ok here!
My dilemma is as follows...
My best friend's daughter is 18 years old. She's in her final year of Sixth Form and certainly university bound so she's pretty intelligent. She's also learning the guitar and, as I've played for many years, I've been giving her some lessons and this often involves us swapping messages with me offering tips and advice to help her playing.
The other day though I got a message from her that was just a selfie she took of herself naked. Her arms were covering the rude bits as it were so it wasn't too 'explicit' but still not the kind of pic I'd normally get from her. To put it mildly!
A few days later I got some more but these were a bit more revealing.
For clarity I am NOT interested in her 'that way'. She's very good looking as 18 year old girls tend to be but she's more of a 'niece' to me and as I've said her dad is my #1 best mate. So - nope - that's that.
So what I'm coming to ask is:
Do I tell her she's sent the pics (again I assume by mistake) so that she doesn't do it again??? Again I assume they're for a boyfriend or someone she'd like as her boyfriend.
Or do I simply keep completely schtum (as I have been doing) and not say a word???
Obviously its easier to simply do the latter and carry on as if nothing happened but, never having been in any situation like this, I'm not 100% sure that's the best stance. I am minded just to do that though.
Any input gratefully appreciated! "
Don't mention it and hope for more pics, or do mention it and ask for more. Win win situation,lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell her she's sent you some pictures that were meant for someone else, you've deleted them and warn her in an authoritative way to be more careful when she sends stuff like that. If she sent them deliberately you warning her will get the message that you're not interested across. If she sent them accidentally it will hopefully reassure her.
Once I can believe but twice? Tread very carefully."
This |
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!!! UPDATE !!! UPDATE !!! UPDATE !!! UPDATE !!!
Hi everyone
Many thanks for all your replies and for the good advice - much appreciated and my jaw is dropped at how popular this discussion has become.
However, I thought it would be prudent to update everyone with the facts and conclusion this situation created.
Inspired in the main by Tik Tok, these kids had a 'culture' going on where they would borrow each other's phones and basically play tricks on each other. They're 17/18 year old kids. They have fun.
In my situation my mate's daughter had her phone borrowed by one of her mates who found the pics she'd taken purely for herself as she'd no intention of actually sending them. However, her friend saw fit to send them for a giggle. Namely to one of their classmates who is called Tom - but - because my number was saved 1st in her phone he was listed in the phone under his surname. Her friend isn't really that aware of me and did not know I'm also Tom... and... well... you can see where this is going and what's happened!
of course when classmate Tom didn't react the phone was 'borrowed' again and more pics sent to me.
There are other factors involved too but it'd take me more words than War & Peace to write it all. But the pictures and why they ended up with me are just as described.
There you go! Many thanks once again! |
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Does the friend who played this prank have any idea of the possible consequences or the law surrounding sharing pictures like this without permission?
I don't find this even remotely amusing I hope the 'friend' if you can call them that, has been told in no uncertain terms not to do it again
I honestly can't understand that at that age and with the access they have to information this was an innocent joke |
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By *jfrenchMan
over a year ago
Stockport |
"Does the friend who played this prank have any idea of the possible consequences or the law surrounding sharing pictures like this without permission?
I don't find this even remotely amusing I hope the 'friend' if you can call them that, has been told in no uncertain terms not to do it again
I honestly can't understand that at that age and with the access they have to information this was an innocent joke "
Its not 'innocent'. Its from Tik Tok. Loads of kids that age have been doing it and one of my friend's kids had same thing happen. They borrow each others debit cards to buy things too. But the game for want of better expression is to do just as the author described. Just sounds like the other friend got names mixed up with it not being her phone.
Its very worrying all these Tik Tok challenges. A colleague told me a friend of their family lost a 13 year old son as the Tik Tok challenge he was doing was to hang himself. And he sadly succeeded.
It needs looking at this. Its literally killing our kids and causing issues and problems for all kinds of people. As this post's author has endured. |
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"Does the friend who played this prank have any idea of the possible consequences or the law surrounding sharing pictures like this without permission?
I don't find this even remotely amusing I hope the 'friend' if you can call them that, has been told in no uncertain terms not to do it again
I honestly can't understand that at that age and with the access they have to information this was an innocent joke
Its not 'innocent'. Its from Tik Tok. Loads of kids that age have been doing it and one of my friend's kids had same thing happen. They borrow each others debit cards to buy things too. But the game for want of better expression is to do just as the author described. Just sounds like the other friend got names mixed up with it not being her phone.
Its very worrying all these Tik Tok challenges. A colleague told me a friend of their family lost a 13 year old son as the Tik Tok challenge he was doing was to hang himself. And he sadly succeeded.
It needs looking at this. Its literally killing our kids and causing issues and problems for all kinds of people. As this post's author has endured. "
I wasn't aware of this. The worst we did was send 'anonymous' notes pretending to be the recipients crush but we'd grown out of it by the time we were 14. |
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Having read a few of the reply’s you’ve had
Well done to all with the positive feedback
Personally if as you say you have a solid relationship with her dad why haven’t you took this to him
Regarding it being a legal matter she is still at school regardless of her age
I’d tell her dad and stop guitar lessons straight away |
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"Inspired in the main by Tik Tok, these kids had a 'culture' going on where they would borrow each other's phones and basically play tricks on each other.
How did you find this out? "
By watching the inbetweeners |
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"Inspired in the main by Tik Tok, these kids had a 'culture' going on where they would borrow each other's phones and basically play tricks on each other.
How did you find this out?
By watching the inbetweeners "
Briefcase wanker |
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