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advice for kinks
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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me and my partner have been talking about a lot of things recently and she has admited to me that she likes humiliation/cuckoldery, wanting me to be in the room while she enjoys another man more than me.
This isn't something i am into or willing to try but was wondering if there was anything less full on i could do for her from time to time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How about watching cuckold porn with her now and again or talking about it to her while you're having sex?"
this!  
the talking about it during sex thing is a brilliant idea if you feel able to  Px |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you willing to invite another man at all? You could have a threesome without the cuckold aspect or start as a threesome and slowly take a step back if you’re comfortable doing so. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As another has suggested....
Talk about it during sex. Ask her to detail what she would like and you could suggest things. See if it pushes buttons.
Watch porn together
Does she play solo? Or different room swap? Have her tell you about those experiences... start slowly... have her detail how he felt and how it made her feel.
But also remember..... if it isn't for you then it just isn't and it's ok to say that it's a limit/boundary for you
K |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you to everyone for the advice on this one, it's helped her a lot hearing from others. This will be something that's kept for dirty talk or watching porn together, I had sugested the closest thing I would consider was separate room swap but we both ageed on, a no for that. Also feel a bit stupid for not thinking of this myself, seems kinda obvious in hind sight. |
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Either you'll enjoy it or you won't. The question you have to ask yourself is are you prepared to try it or not. If its not then say so, if its a maybe then talk it through with her, but don't over think it because that can screw it up before you even get off the ground, agree what level you are prepared to do and stick to it. As someone else said, the hot wife scenario offers the same thing but in a very different context and context really matters.. Good luck and remember to stay eyes wide open. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy. |
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"Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy. "
You do realise that compromise is a two way street! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy.
You do realise that compromise is a two way street!"
Do you mean that you don’t agree that compromise means sometimes doing something we don’t want to but our partner does because we want to make our partner happy and don’t want them to miss out on doing something they really want to?
It can be a 2 way street in that your partner then returns your kindness by doing something they don’t want to or that you meet in the middle and find a solution that suits both. But say if I was in a relationship with someone who absolutely hated going on a beach holiday but loved going to cities and I hate going to cities but love beach holidays a compromise would be to go on a beach holiday one year and a city holiday the next year and keep alternating. |
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"Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy.
You do realise that compromise is a two way street!
Do you mean that you don’t agree that compromise means sometimes doing something we don’t want to but our partner does because we want to make our partner happy and don’t want them to miss out on doing something they really want to?
It can be a 2 way street in that your partner then returns your kindness by doing something they don’t want to or that you meet in the middle and find a solution that suits both. But say if I was in a relationship with someone who absolutely hated going on a beach holiday but loved going to cities and I hate going to cities but love beach holidays a compromise would be to go on a beach holiday one year and a city holiday the next year and keep alternating. "
No body should have to do something they don't want to do and no one should be forced in to doing something in order to keep someone else happy either. Neither of these are compromise. Compromise is about taking an idea and moulding it in to something that all the concerned parties are both comfortable and happy with. Anything other than that is abuse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy.
You do realise that compromise is a two way street!
Do you mean that you don’t agree that compromise means sometimes doing something we don’t want to but our partner does because we want to make our partner happy and don’t want them to miss out on doing something they really want to?
It can be a 2 way street in that your partner then returns your kindness by doing something they don’t want to or that you meet in the middle and find a solution that suits both. But say if I was in a relationship with someone who absolutely hated going on a beach holiday but loved going to cities and I hate going to cities but love beach holidays a compromise would be to go on a beach holiday one year and a city holiday the next year and keep alternating.
No body should have to do something they don't want to do and no one should be forced in to doing something in order to keep someone else happy either. Neither of these are compromise. Compromise is about taking an idea and moulding it in to something that all the concerned parties are both comfortable and happy with. Anything other than that is abuse. "
So are you saying my beach and city holiday scenario isn’t an example of compromise? And having to go on a beach holiday every other year when you don’t like beach holidays is abuse? |
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"Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy.
You do realise that compromise is a two way street!
Do you mean that you don’t agree that compromise means sometimes doing something we don’t want to but our partner does because we want to make our partner happy and don’t want them to miss out on doing something they really want to?
It can be a 2 way street in that your partner then returns your kindness by doing something they don’t want to or that you meet in the middle and find a solution that suits both. But say if I was in a relationship with someone who absolutely hated going on a beach holiday but loved going to cities and I hate going to cities but love beach holidays a compromise would be to go on a beach holiday one year and a city holiday the next year and keep alternating.
No body should have to do something they don't want to do and no one should be forced in to doing something in order to keep someone else happy either. Neither of these are compromise. Compromise is about taking an idea and moulding it in to something that all the concerned parties are both comfortable and happy with. Anything other than that is abuse.
So are you saying my beach and city holiday scenario isn’t an example of compromise? And having to go on a beach holiday every other year when you don’t like beach holidays is abuse?"
Seriously... this isn't about a holiday this is about a relationship. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"So are you saying my beach and city holiday scenario isn’t an example of compromise? And having to go on a beach holiday every other year when you don’t like beach holidays is abuse?"
To some it may be a compromise, but for others a better compromise is to find a holiday they both enjoy.
If I care for someone, why would I make them do something they don’t enjoy, conversely why would I be happy they are wanting me to do something I son’t enjoy?
Relationships are not give and take.
If you are not getting out of a relationship what you need, then you need to address the relationship which is easier said than done. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy.
You do realise that compromise is a two way street!
Do you mean that you don’t agree that compromise means sometimes doing something we don’t want to but our partner does because we want to make our partner happy and don’t want them to miss out on doing something they really want to?
It can be a 2 way street in that your partner then returns your kindness by doing something they don’t want to or that you meet in the middle and find a solution that suits both. But say if I was in a relationship with someone who absolutely hated going on a beach holiday but loved going to cities and I hate going to cities but love beach holidays a compromise would be to go on a beach holiday one year and a city holiday the next year and keep alternating.
No body should have to do something they don't want to do and no one should be forced in to doing something in order to keep someone else happy either. Neither of these are compromise. Compromise is about taking an idea and moulding it in to something that all the concerned parties are both comfortable and happy with. Anything other than that is abuse.
So are you saying my beach and city holiday scenario isn’t an example of compromise? And having to go on a beach holiday every other year when you don’t like beach holidays is abuse?
Seriously... this isn't about a holiday this is about a relationship. "
It’s about compromise within a relationship and you said that no one should have to do something they don’t want to but when you’re in a relationship you do have to do things you don’t want to. If you go through life only doing exactly what you want to do then you’re a pretty selfish person. I do things for my parents that I don’t want to do but I do them to help them out, the same goes with my friends, and I know they’ll do things for me when I need help. If a mate needs a lift somewhere and I don’t want to give him one because it means driving in the traffic when I could be relaxing at home I don’t say I’ll compromise and give you a lift half way I just give him a lift because he’s a mate.
Have you never done something you didn’t want to do just to help someone out or because you knew it would make them happy? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So are you saying my beach and city holiday scenario isn’t an example of compromise? And having to go on a beach holiday every other year when you don’t like beach holidays is abuse?
To some it may be a compromise, but for others a better compromise is to find a holiday they both enjoy.
If I care for someone, why would I make them do something they don’t enjoy, conversely why would I be happy they are wanting me to do something I son’t enjoy?
Relationships are not give and take.
If you are not getting out of a relationship what you need, then you need to address the relationship which is easier said than done."
But if you care for someone don’t you want them to be able to do the things they love even if you don’t like them? If my partner loved city holidays and I hated them why would I want to get in the way of her doing something she loves by refusing to go with her. |
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"Maybe you and her aren’t that sexually compatible if her biggest fantasy is something that you really don’t want to do, will she ever feel completely satisfied with you if she isn’t able to fulfil her fantasy? It’s not a great sign when you have to ask other people for advice on how to improve your sex life. You should watch loads of porn together and see if there’s anything you watch that you both like and are willing to do together.
Personally I think you should try it as you don’t know for sure that you don’t like it until you try it and she’s probably a bit annoyed with you for not even being prepared to try it for her. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take so sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to in order to make our partners happy.
You do realise that compromise is a two way street!
Do you mean that you don’t agree that compromise means sometimes doing something we don’t want to but our partner does because we want to make our partner happy and don’t want them to miss out on doing something they really want to?
It can be a 2 way street in that your partner then returns your kindness by doing something they don’t want to or that you meet in the middle and find a solution that suits both. But say if I was in a relationship with someone who absolutely hated going on a beach holiday but loved going to cities and I hate going to cities but love beach holidays a compromise would be to go on a beach holiday one year and a city holiday the next year and keep alternating.
No body should have to do something they don't want to do and no one should be forced in to doing something in order to keep someone else happy either. Neither of these are compromise. Compromise is about taking an idea and moulding it in to something that all the concerned parties are both comfortable and happy with. Anything other than that is abuse.
So are you saying my beach and city holiday scenario isn’t an example of compromise? And having to go on a beach holiday every other year when you don’t like beach holidays is abuse?
Seriously... this isn't about a holiday this is about a relationship.
It’s about compromise within a relationship and you said that no one should have to do something they don’t want to but when you’re in a relationship you do have to do things you don’t want to. If you go through life only doing exactly what you want to do then you’re a pretty selfish person. I do things for my parents that I don’t want to do but I do them to help them out, the same goes with my friends, and I know they’ll do things for me when I need help. If a mate needs a lift somewhere and I don’t want to give him one because it means driving in the traffic when I could be relaxing at home I don’t say I’ll compromise and give you a lift half way I just give him a lift because he’s a mate.
Have you never done something you didn’t want to do just to help someone out or because you knew it would make them happy?"
I think you need to go back to the start of this thread and understand what this is about. You can't compare holidays or doing things for your parents that you don't want to go on or don't want to do with being a cuck for your wife! Seriously you need to try and understand context. I once went to a Robbie Williams concert, wasn't my thing at all and I didn'twant to go, for my partner because she really wanted to go but she wouldn't expect me to be her cuck just because she wanted it. |
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We have a very kinky lifestyle but realise that tolerance for activity beyond traditional so called norms is very much on a sliding scale. The central question seems to be whether you are comfortable with your wife being with another man in the first place, and if so, in the same room? If you are, then it is about finding that balance that satisfies both of you (without straying into the somewhat confused debate in earlier over posts about the concept of compromise). As others have said, the Hotwife scenario might be one avenue as it does not involve any element of humiliation. We love this sort of play, and if anything, Hubby feels proud about the interest I attract. Also, I am dressing and acting in a way which most men dream of and, as Hubby says, he loves the fact his Wife is also his porn. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you to everyone for the advice on this one, it's helped her a lot hearing from others. This will be something that's kept for dirty talk or watching porn together, I had sugested the closest thing I would consider was separate room swap but we both ageed on, a no for that. Also feel a bit stupid for not thinking of this myself, seems kinda obvious in hind sight. "
Why don't you try same room swap and take more of a back seat and watch.. see how it goes.. |
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"me and my partner have been talking about a lot of things recently and she has admited to me that she likes humiliation/cuckoldery, wanting me to be in the room while she enjoys another man more than me.
This isn't something i am into or willing to try but was wondering if there was anything less full on i could do for her from time to time. "
Role play, you both pretend that your the other man and imagine you sitting in the corner watching. |
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"me and my partner have been talking about a lot of things recently and she has admited to me that she likes humiliation/cuckoldery, wanting me to be in the room while she enjoys another man more than me.
This isn't something i am into or willing to try but was wondering if there was anything less full on i could do for her from time to time. "
I’m in the same situation as your partner. I don’t think there is any real way to get the same feeling …it’s just fantasy |
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