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Club conversation starters
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So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop" |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop""
I'd start with something like :
Hi, I'm Jim. Mind if I chat to you for a few minutes?
Puts people at ease as they know they aren't going to be lumbered with you for hours and what your intentions are.
Then ask if they are regulars, what other clubs have they been, what are they drinking, discuss the music, talk about parking, compliment them on what they are wearing. Just whatever comes into your head. Smile. Listen to their replies.
Then thank them for the chat and say you might see them later in the evening.
Boom ! That's the magic formula.. don't tell anyone else.  |
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I won't quote because it takes up half a page but I secondly what Lizzy said. 
Keep it light hearted and make it known that your intention is only to speak for a few minutes.
I personally try and avoid personal questions like, where do live/work etc.
Finish the conversation on a positive note. Tell then that you have enjoyed speaking to them, and you hope to see them later in the evening.
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Just say hello, introduce yourself and tell them it's your first time and are nervous, make sure you speak to both parties.
Don't ask where they live, just have you travelled far and don't ask what they do for a living.
Don't be a limpet, have a quick chat and move on, you can always chat again later.
Don't touch the lady.
Remember, they may be just as nervous as you.
For us, we always welcome a chat with singles and couples alike, would never be rude or impolite.
Have fun, if you feel a cold shoulder, say nice to speak to you and move on.
Although there is a lot of lovely people in this scene there is also a fair amount of rude, socialy inept, conceited people too.
Just move on, they are not worth the oxygen you use trying to be pleasant. |
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By *nSeeNMan
over a year ago
Z'ha'dum |
"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop""
I don't think there's an ABC guide to starting conversations in clubs. It's no different from starting a conversation anywhere else. I'd suggest you practice starting conversations in your normal day to day without a prop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop""
Out of interest what is your prop of choice  |
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"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop"
I'd start with something like :
Hi, I'm Jim. Mind if I chat to you for a few minutes?
Puts people at ease as they know they aren't going to be lumbered with you for hours and what your intentions are.
Then ask if they are regulars, what other clubs have they been, what are they drinking, discuss the music, talk about parking, compliment them on what they are wearing. Just whatever comes into your head. Smile. Listen to their replies.
Then thank them for the chat and say you might see them later in the evening.
Boom ! That's the magic formula.. don't tell anyone else. "
Bloody hell this is mind blowingly simple yet appears like it would be so effective. I will attempt to try this  |
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"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop"
Out of interest what is your prop of choice "
My props are usually something I can make an initial connection with, for example at a party I would use the fact that me and the other person know the host and work from there. Usually when I am in a group situation everyone is new and I can use that as a launch point since we are on an even playing field. |
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"
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop"
I don't think there's an ABC guide to starting conversations in clubs. It's no different from starting a conversation anywhere else. I'd suggest you practice starting conversations in your normal day to day without a prop. "
I most certainly agree. I find I can for the most part keep a cobversation going, BUT only once it has been started.
I feel like I am being rude just walking up to people and saying hello  |
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"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop"
I'd start with something like :
Hi, I'm Jim. Mind if I chat to you for a few minutes?
Puts people at ease as they know they aren't going to be lumbered with you for hours and what your intentions are.
Then ask if they are regulars, what other clubs have they been, what are they drinking, discuss the music, talk about parking, compliment them on what they are wearing. Just whatever comes into your head. Smile. Listen to their replies.
Then thank them for the chat and say you might see them later in the evening.
Boom ! That's the magic formula.. don't tell anyone else. "
I'm blueprinting this.....
Winston |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop""
All good and bad conversations start with the same word……… hello! |
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"
I'd start with something like :
Hi, I'm Jim. Mind if I chat to you for a few minutes?
"
To which, hopefully, they will reply:
"Never mind exchanging names and wasting time on small talk. We just want some of that massive cock"! |
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I think there is a risk when you slide into a mundane what job do you do? The price of energy? Etc, etc. Can get you booted straight into freinds zone or boring guy territory. Not that you should go straight in sexy or pervy stuff. Break the ice with something more light hearted that shows of the lighter side of your personality (granted if you don't have this your kind of screwed). And remember to be warm with your approach and don't forget to smile and show that spark.
Plus don't be afraid of rejection. That fear will hold you back. Rejection is ok and normal. And if your respectful and nice, people will be accordingly back (even when saying no thanks). |
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"So last night I went to my first club (Abfab) and was nervous. Mostly because im not sure how one would break the ice within that setting. I think asking what someone does for a living, etc, etc is not the best way to start a conversation.
So what advice would you give to start conversations in clubs?
Also I am awkward at starting conversations without a "prop"
I'd start with something like :
Hi, I'm Jim. Mind if I chat to you for a few minutes?
Puts people at ease as they know they aren't going to be lumbered with you for hours and what your intentions are.
Then ask if they are regulars, what other clubs have they been, what are they drinking, discuss the music, talk about parking, compliment them on what they are wearing. Just whatever comes into your head. Smile. Listen to their replies.
Then thank them for the chat and say you might see them later in the evening.
Boom ! That's the magic formula.. don't tell anyone else. "
We will definitely try this next time , we also struggle with what to say and initially break the ice. |
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We tend to lean on the fact that making first contact is usually awkward and you're trying to be cool or subtle. We usually try and make a joke about striking up smalltalk whilst we're all in our pants with porn playing in the background.
Acknowledging the absurdity of the situation, either to yourself or put loud, can help ease the tention. Keep a smile on your face make eye contact, laugh when they laugh. Interested is interesting so try and have follow up questions ready to show you're engaging with them. Ask about clubs they've been to, how they got into swinging (everyone loves an origin story).
A good tip is to break things off after ten mins or so. Give the other party a chance to have a think or a chat about you. Excuse yourself but make it clear you'd be interested in bumping into them again later.
We tend to go with 'we're heading to the hot tub / playrooms / bar for a bit. You're welcome to join us or we'll see you again in a bit'. If they come with you - game on! If not, they might seek you out later or take the opportunity to avoid you. Either way, it makes for a no-pressure environment all round |
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Try this guaranteed to work..
Hi
I'm Jim, and you are...
Take it you've been in this game for years, you're not exactly spring chickens.
Honestly...38, fuck me, have you been in a coma for 20 years.
Nah, not too fussed what you do for a living, not important. Obviously it's nothing too highbrow as you seem to struggle stringing a sentence together.
Where did you meet your husband...oh right..bit short of eye candy that night.
Yes, love your dress...size 12..fuck off...maybe in Nigeria..
Anyway, off for a mingle with the muggles, see you later. |
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"Hit the hot tub if they have one. Usually a good place to get a convo going. We've ended up going to private rooms directly from them."
in hot tubs if no one is talking I'll ask what do you call a round bit of bread... roll, cob , bap etc... trust me the conversation flows then...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just say hello, introduce yourself and tell them it's your first time and are nervous, make sure you speak to both parties.
Don't ask where they live, just have you travelled far and don't ask what they do for a living.
Don't be a limpet, have a quick chat and move on, you can always chat again later.
Don't touch the lady.
Remember, they may be just as nervous as you.
For us, we always welcome a chat with singles and couples alike, would never be rude or impolite.
Have fun, if you feel a cold shoulder, say nice to speak to you and move on.
Although there is a lot of lovely people in this scene there is also a fair amount of rude, socialy inept, conceited people too.
Just move on, they are not worth the oxygen you use trying to be pleasant. "
Agree 100% |
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"How did you get on OP? Were you made to feel welcome?"
I havent been back to the club yet due to work. I am hoping to carve out sometime on Wednesday and will update then. I have been reading through everyones advice to try and memories Thank you all for it. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
"UPDATE: went again today and chatted to a few people. I used the pool table to strike up a conversation, didnt feel comfortable walking up to groups of people to say hello"
Not many people would feel comfortable interacting with a group of people they don't know. Sounds like you did OK around the pool table. To some extent its a case of practising a new skill, starting a conversation takes bottle. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
If you can return a few times to the same club, you'll be recognised by regulars and it'll get far easier as they won't be new people anymore. |
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