FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Would a social be better for us?
Would a social be better for us?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi everyone hope this is in the right place but will also post in the advice forum.
Whilst we have been on this site since 2020 due to how the world has been and personal reasons we still haven’t really kicked on. G is talking to a couple of people and they seem to be getting on well.
Despite this we are still unsure of what we are actually capable of and where the boundaries lie for us. The obvious next step would be G meeting these people but we are both unsure over a one to one at the moment due the the nature of it and perhaps the “expectation” it creates. Ofcourse we could be overthinking everything and making it up in our own heads.
One option we have considered is a social but we dont really know much about them. As far as we can make out its where people meet at a venue have some chats get to know each other without the ability/ possibility to take things further unless it was arranged for after the social. We think maybe this may suit us as we would feel stronger and more in control of the situation together aswell as easier and quicker to communicate how we are finding the whole experience and feelings. G has described wanting to find a nightclub kind of setting where you could have a drink and a dance. Is this possible?
All advice and opinions welcome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A social venue could be ideal. There are plenty going on and they are a great way to meet other swingers and remember that it is only your own expectations that you need to consider until you are comfortable in the lifestyle.
We advise going to such and planning to spend the night alone without play with others or any commitments to meet. Discuss the event the next day after you've had a night to let it all sink in.
Building yourselves up will only give you anxieties and tension so just go and see how you feel after.
You could always meet face-to-face in a coffee shop, bar or similar. The downside to this is that people who know you will come up and say hello and expect introductions and ask questions like how you met. It's a pain in the bum but we just skirt such questions until they go away and if they try to impose we say we all need to get going and leave them behind and go elsewhere.
Be safe and comfortable and remember to take time to consider your feelings and sicuss them then make decisions together. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Xtasia and other clubs are great for that. No need to play with anyone and can just chat and get to know people. "
Thanks we wanted to try and avoid a club this time to be honest |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A social venue could be ideal. There are plenty going on and they are a great way to meet other swingers and remember that it is only your own expectations that you need to consider until you are comfortable in the lifestyle.
We advise going to such and planning to spend the night alone without play with others or any commitments to meet. Discuss the event the next day after you've had a night to let it all sink in.
Building yourselves up will only give you anxieties and tension so just go and see how you feel after.
You could always meet face-to-face in a coffee shop, bar or similar. The downside to this is that people who know you will come up and say hello and expect introductions and ask questions like how you met. It's a pain in the bum but we just skirt such questions until they go away and if they try to impose we say we all need to get going and leave them behind and go elsewhere.
Be safe and comfortable and remember to take time to consider your feelings and sicuss them then make decisions together."
Thanks for the advice a tick in the yes column. Is it as simple as replying to a thread in the meets part of the forum? |
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We always have socials first. I actually enjoy them now. Getting to know people a bit is important to us and it adds to the build up. I prefer meeting in bars, somewhere quiet so you can talk without being overheard and maybe have a bit of a flirt but with no expectation to take things any further at that time. We have done coffee shop meets but for me I do prefer somewhere you can create a bit of a sexual atmosphere if u want.
Kx
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"A social venue could be ideal. There are plenty going on and they are a great way to meet other swingers and remember that it is only your own expectations that you need to consider until you are comfortable in the lifestyle.
We advise going to such and planning to spend the night alone without play with others or any commitments to meet. Discuss the event the next day after you've had a night to let it all sink in.
Building yourselves up will only give you anxieties and tension so just go and see how you feel after.
You could always meet face-to-face in a coffee shop, bar or similar. The downside to this is that people who know you will come up and say hello and expect introductions and ask questions like how you met. It's a pain in the bum but we just skirt such questions until they go away and if they try to impose we say we all need to get going and leave them behind and go elsewhere.
Be safe and comfortable and remember to take time to consider your feelings and sicuss them then make decisions together.
Thanks for the advice a tick in the yes column. Is it as simple as replying to a thread in the meets part of the forum?"
Yes  there's no harm in giving it a go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Good evening guys , Lilly here , my advice would be to always meet in a busy public place , only meet if you are both comfortable in doing so . Being wary and careful is good , and be choosy as you have every right to be . Stay safe |
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"Should stress incase any confusion when we say social we mean a group social"
Most areas around the country hold socials, organised by someone who deserves far more credit than they get. Keep an eye out in the meets section of forums, put your name down and if you want, book a nearby hotel. If you meet someone and feel ready to take it a step further then you have that ability. If not, you and your partner have a lovely hotel room to play in all to yourselves |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Hi everyone hope this is in the right place but will also post in the advice forum.
Whilst we have been on this site since 2020 due to how the world has been and personal reasons we still haven’t really kicked on. G is talking to a couple of people and they seem to be getting on well.
Despite this we are still unsure of what we are actually capable of and where the boundaries lie for us. The obvious next step would be G meeting these people but we are both unsure over a one to one at the moment due the the nature of it and perhaps the “expectation” it creates. Ofcourse we could be overthinking everything and making it up in our own heads.
One option we have considered is a social but we dont really know much about them. As far as we can make out its where people meet at a venue have some chats get to know each other without the ability/ possibility to take things further unless it was arranged for after the social. We think maybe this may suit us as we would feel stronger and more in control of the situation together aswell as easier and quicker to communicate how we are finding the whole experience and feelings. G has described wanting to find a nightclub kind of setting where you could have a drink and a dance. Is this possible?
All advice and opinions welcome"
You can…. Most socials are very much “no play” affairs… just think of them as a night out where you can let your hair down without the pressure of “after”…
Plus you actually get to see what people are like “out in the wild”….
The temptation is to stay in a small group… but force yourself to just go round and say hi to as many people as you can… the brilliant chats you have will allay your fears  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Should stress incase any confusion when we say social we mean a group social"
A group social may be intimidating for your first go, unless its a smaller one with a good friendly crowd.
I would just ask what is it you think you are going to get out of it?
What are you looking for, on fab, from swinging etc.?
Are you both on the same page regarding limits and boundaries etc.? |
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"Should stress incase any confusion when we say social we mean a group social"
Group social in your area in a couple of weeks. Full of fun and friendly people
https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/meets/1281664 |
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By *isa2018Couple
over a year ago
East Northamptonshire |
We generally prefer socials first, just literally meeting for a drink and a chat to determine attraction, with no plan to play at that point.
If we get along and the attraction is there then we will arrange a proper play meet at another time.
The only time we don't do that is if it is one of the occasions where S just ends up blindfolded and leaves me to invite someone appropriate. I might then choose from guys we have met before, for play or just social, or go for it on someone new just based on availability and photos they provide.
It sounds like you are still in the nervous stage, so may even make sense to meet another couple just as a social, so you can talk a little more freely than you would around vanilla friends, and start to feel more normal. One of the main things is the general pressure of feeling taboo and starting to realise that many more people indulge than the general population would like to believe. Also that even more fantasis about a lot of the things we all actually do, without the courage to do so or discuss with their partners. On the contrary, it is often seen that we are all the ones with relationship problems but we were the ones that are open and honest with our partners to a degree many could only ever hope for. |
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An alternative way of viewing swinging might be to consider it a bit like dating as I think all the mechanics are the same. Literally the only difference is that there are two of you occupying the single person seat.
Once you have that point of view some of the other questions are easier to answer...
Not sure about how/where/if to meet a couple? Just go wherever you would feel comfortable on a normal date. Not sure if it should just be drinks or maybe more? Again play it like you would a date, maybe you have a no sex on first date rule, maybe you bend it for the right person, maybe you always sleep with them. What do you say, how does it 'work' etc?... Just like on a single person date, but with a few more whispered conversations, nudges and confused signals!
As for organised socials... In this single person dating context they work a bit like a mashup of either a single persons dating meet and greet, some sort of corporate business networking event, or the most outrageous office party ever. Which of those it is will depend on the organiser. The reason I picked these examples is because socials usually have a wide mix of people with different appearances and interests, some know each other and some are strangers, so they feel more like some business event or speed dating than they do a party round a friend's house (unless it is a party around your friend's house).... Even so, whatever the party is, just be what you were like as a single person, introvert or extravert, prude or sex fiend, networker or salesman just be yourselves and set expectations accordingly. |
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