FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Am I the a hole
Am I the a hole
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right so I will get in to it so me and the mrs have been on here for about two years and have spoke to some lovely people but recently I have been questioning this life still for this reason we have only ever had one meet with one guy who has become a recurring visitor for fun now I don’t mind that as we all enjoy ourselves but when I bring up the conversation of exploring with other people ie couples the mrs point blank refuses and does not join in on any mailing and says she is happy with the recurring male so this brings me to my original question am I the ass hole for after two years of it just being the recurring male wanting to explore with a couple or female (I am straight) as that is how I feel |
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If you are not happy OP then I think you need to consider whether this is right for you. I can understand your position and that you want to explore what is out there and I can imagine why your wife might not want to. I would suggest that an open conversation about whether it is the right place for you both is needed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The thing is before we started this we had a convo about what we both wanted from this then when she met the regular that all went out the window it may not be right for us and may never have been and I also see your point |
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The thing about sex is that it isn't some sort of reciprocal arrangement in the sense that if person a likes something person b is then entitled to ask them to do something else. It sounds to me as if your partner has changed her mind and what you have to do is either accept that and continue, ask her again to reconsider or stop altogether.
I hope whatever you decide works well for you both |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ditch the labelling first of all.
It might be worth having a chat about what you each want from swinging. From what you've written it sounds like "she" is happy with a 2 men and her set up and likes the other guy enough for it to not be an issue and she wants for nothing more. How does she feel about inviting in another female for you to have fun while she is getting it on with the other or even when she isn't. Is she happy to let you fulfill your desires?
If not then perhaps you should both take a step back and think about things and talk.
HTH |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If she is no longer wanting to explore with other people you have to accept that but at the same time if you’re not comfortable with your current arrangement she should accept that.
We do this together. If one wants to stop we both stop and if one wants more we will discuss it and make a decision from there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From the female perspective, she's having her cake and eating it! You both need to be able to be open about what other meets you'd both like and feel fulfilled by. A frank convo is needed, OP. Mrs x |
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If one of you isn’t comfortable or happy with the situation then you have to have a sit down conversation about it .Most people’s likes and dislikes change overtime but you have to discuss it with your wife so your both happy and on the same page. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Frankly it sounds like she's taking the piss. If you both agreed beforehand to partner swap but now she just wants two guys to herself it's not fair.
Wouldn't blame you for ditching her as relationships are about honesty and give and take. She can change her mind in fairness but you need to make a decision as to.if you put up or leave it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To clear this up we have had a convo about what we both want and how I would like to start exploring with couples I have no problem with her and the regular guy still doing stuff when I start talking to a female/couple and they want to talk to mrs (to make sure we are a couple as I realise sometimes it may just be a single bloke or a bloke playing away and not wanting anyone to know) she point blank refuses and then the people I am talking to understandably don’t want to continue as cannot confirm that we are a couple so those convos have been had but to no avail |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The convo has been had but what upsets me more is regular guy has brought his male friends round and she has happily slept with them but does not want to entertain what my wants are from the site and I total understand that this is a lifestyle and not a hook up site but it’s has been two years of me trying to introduce couples and there seems to be no interest from her |
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I am part of a couple abs for us honesty is the key. Abs being respected as a couple and each other.
I think I would be telling her that you have feelings this is about you as a couple and not one sided. You agreed this as a couple and exploring other things as a couple she might realise she has been missing out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have said that about what we have discussed and I do respect that it is what she wants to do and the way she feels that being said it goes against what we discussed and agreed upon when we first discussed this lifestyle |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP I think you need to reign this in you have been way to lenient with your wife & now she’s just walking all over you tell her how you really feel about this & how it’s effecting you or this will continue best of luck though x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have had a convo about this with her many times she says she is not stopping me “finding” a female but we are on a couples profile and many people want to speak to both sides when I bring this up she said she is scared to explore with other people when I try to tell her how I feel she says I am bullying her into it I totally agree I have let this go on for to long |
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"I have said that about what we have discussed and I do respect that it is what she wants to do and the way she feels that being said it goes against what we discussed and agreed upon when we first discussed this lifestyle "
We all have needs and wants you are a couple you agreed this together as a couple. She needs to realise this is not one sided and she has to respect you as well and your needs and wants. She really is walking all over you. You need to put a stop to it and explore other things or tell her you can’t go on like this anymore |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The convo has been had but what upsets me more is regular guy has brought his male friends round and she has happily slept with them but does not want to entertain what my wants are from the site and I total understand that this is a lifestyle and not a hook up site but it’s has been two years of me trying to introduce couples and there seems to be no interest from her "
Do you meet the regular guy (and his mates) together for MFM etc or is she going off meeting them alone?
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It used to be together as we have discussed she has now started to be with regular guy more and more on her own when I am in the house I feel like I have to let her as don’t want her to fly off on one while he is here |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It used to be together as we have discussed she has now started to be with regular guy more and more on her own when I am in the house I feel like I have to let her as don’t want her to fly off on one while he is here "
If that’s the way you feel about it then you either need to seriously talk about it or end the relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It used to be together as we have discussed she has now started to be with regular guy more and more on her own when I am in the house I feel like I have to let her as don’t want her to fly off on one while he is here "
Wow that's crazy buddy. Its like she's making you a cuckold when that wasn't what you came into this life style for.
KJ |
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"It used to be together as we have discussed she has now started to be with regular guy more and more on her own when I am in the house I feel like I have to let her as don’t want her to fly off on one while he is here "
Broach the subject when he's not there. People fly off the handle to stop you from questioning them. If it's really causing you a problem say he's not coming round again until the problem is resolved |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It used to be together as we have discussed she has now started to be with regular guy more and more on her own when I am in the house I feel like I have to let her as don’t want her to fly off on one while he is here
Wow that's crazy buddy. Its like she's making you a cuckold when that wasn't what you came into this life style for.
KJ"
Just to add if you have to let her fuck him alone in your house just to stop her kicking off (which is seriously messed up) then I recommend telling her youneed end all the arrangements at least for a while to get back to just you 2. Her response to that will show you exactly what you mean to her.
Swinging is a fun extra activity but it should be irrelevant to your central relationship. You both should come first. Especially important when you have children.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have tried saying to her I think we should stop she then said she is not stopping sleeping with the regular guy even if we did stop swinging part of me just thinks she is scared of me sleeping with another woman while also thinking it’s ok to sleep with five other guys in two years cause he wanted her to / it’s what she wanted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have tried saying to her I think we should stop she then said she is not stopping sleeping with the regular guy even if we did stop swinging part of me just thinks she is scared of me sleeping with another woman while also thinking it’s ok to sleep with five other guys in two years cause he wanted her to / it’s what she wanted "
So she would give up her regular when you have asked her to??
She isn't swinging anymore then she's cheating on you plain and simple buddy.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have tried saying to her I think we should stop she then said she is not stopping sleeping with the regular guy even if we did stop swinging part of me just thinks she is scared of me sleeping with another woman while also thinking it’s ok to sleep with five other guys in two years cause he wanted her to / it’s what she wanted "
If you’ve asked her to stop and she won’t she is cheating on you. It’s up to you what you do with that but I would give her an ultimatum. If she picks the other man then you’ve had a lucky escape. |
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"I have tried saying to her I think we should stop she then said she is not stopping sleeping with the regular guy even if we did stop swinging part of me just thinks she is scared of me sleeping with another woman while also thinking it’s ok to sleep with five other guys in two years cause he wanted her to / it’s what she wanted
So she would give up her regular when you have asked her to??
She isn't swinging anymore then she's cheating on you plain and simple buddy.
KJ"
I have to agree with this as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Has this effected you sex with her?
Is she getting something from the regular uy that she's not getting from you?
It's very extreme for her to say even if you give up swinging (which you haven't really been able to do yet as she's locked it moving forward with couples etc) that she ill not give this regular guy up.
I really feel you need to put a line in the sand and says it's me or him.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It is getting annoying cause we have couples asking if we want to meet but I can’t say anything cause she don’t want to I have no idea what she has against couples but that’s what it is I know she is wrong for what she is doing and have tried ultimatums but it’s like throwing an egg against a wall and expecting it not to brake |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Our sex life is on her say so and that’s fine it is her body but I have a high sex drive and low self confidence so that could be an attributing factor to all this as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is getting annoying cause we have couples asking if we want to meet but I can’t say anything cause she don’t want to I have no idea what she has against couples but that’s what it is I know she is wrong for what she is doing and have tried ultimatums but it’s like throwing an egg against a wall and expecting it not to brake "
Forget playing with couples buddy. It wouldnt be fair to the other couple given the level of imbalance and potential for kick offs between you 2.
Swinging works when a couple has total trust and support. If one person. Is feeling it for whatevef reason then it doesn't happen.
She's heating not swinging and has told you she's not prepared to stop the cheating. Even worse she does it with you sat in the house and if you say anything then she kicks off.
That's mental buddy.
Honest question if you told her it's you or him what do you think she would do?
KJ |
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Just out of curiosity does she know she has her photos and videos put on here recently ? You say she’s not interested in the site and meeting others so just wondered why all the new additions are of her.
It misleads people looking at your profile that may want to meet up with you both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Good thing we are not married
"
You have a child together though (based on your profile info)
Have you given her an ultimatum i.e. its either you, your family together or her regular??
With ultimatuns you need to follow through if needed buddy.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thing is she wants them put up so I have no idea what she wants might just get rid of everything on here and start a fresh "
Get rid of her while you're at it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It used to be together as we have discussed she has now started to be with regular guy more and more on her own when I am in the house I feel like I have to let her as don’t want her to fly off on one while he is here "
She's having an affair right in front of you.
Have a proper think about if there's anything good in the relationship.
Good luck.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh I can tell that tbh "
So do you think she will pick you or her regular if you force her to make a choice between the 2?
Have you considered asking her to read this thread? Maybe her reading this thread will give her some additional view points (other than yours) to consider?
Does Mr Regular know she's cheating on you with him now?
Really hope you find the strength to deal with this OP
KJ |
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"I have said that about what we have discussed and I do respect that it is what she wants to do and the way she feels that being said it goes against what we discussed and agreed upon when we first discussed this lifestyle
We all have needs and wants you are a couple you agreed this together as a couple. She needs to realise this is not one sided and she has to respect you as well and your needs and wants. She really is walking all over you. You need to put a stop to it and explore other things or tell her you can’t go on like this anymore "
Is she ? Or has she changed her mind ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Discussed everything with mrs we have come to the agreement that we need to go to clubs and try it that way if that still doesn’t work then a re evaluation of the situation will be taking place on all aspects including regular guy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You just had that entire conversation since your last post, like 20 minutes ago?? You are tripping yourself up all over the place here. You were asked why her pics are being added very recently if she isn't interested in meeting, you said because she wants them added. Then you said she doesn't cone on the profile anymore, so how would she know they were added? As others have said, you should definitely stop trying to arrange meets with couples just now, I would be wary if you even going to a club together. It's just not fair to out others potentially in the line of fire...
You said you are low in confidence, that's probably why you have let this go on on. Plus of course your hope that you will get what you want. Even though you know the situation is all wrong.
Your partner is being fairly demonised on this thread but seems to me she is low in confidence too, hence the reason she enjoys the attention from this guy so much, to the point she doesn't think she could give it up. And low confidence will also stop her wanting to involve other females. In case you want them more. It's a shit-show. Seems like swinging is the last thing you should be thinking of right now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You just had that entire conversation since your last post, like 20 minutes ago?? You are tripping yourself up all over the place here. You were asked why her pics are being added very recently if she isn't interested in meeting, you said because she wants them added. Then you said she doesn't cone on the profile anymore, so how would she know they were added? As others have said, you should definitely stop trying to arrange meets with couples just now, I would be wary if you even going to a club together. It's just not fair to out others potentially in the line of fire...
You said you are low in confidence, that's probably why you have let this go on on. Plus of course your hope that you will get what you want. Even though you know the situation is all wrong.
Your partner is being fairly demonised on this thread but seems to me she is low in confidence too, hence the reason she enjoys the attention from this guy so much, to the point she doesn't think she could give it up. And low confidence will also stop her wanting to involve other females. In case you want them more. It's a shit-show. Seems like swinging is the last thing you should be thinking of right now. "
I really hope OP reads this post and takes it all in.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Right so I will get in to it so me and the mrs have been on here for about two years and have spoke to some lovely people but recently I have been questioning this life still for this reason we have only ever had one meet with one guy who has become a recurring visitor for fun now I don’t mind that as we all enjoy ourselves but when I bring up the conversation of exploring with other people ie couples the mrs point blank refuses and does not join in on any mailing and says she is happy with the recurring male so this brings me to my original question am I the ass hole for after two years of it just being the recurring male wanting to explore with a couple or female (I am straight) as that is how I feel "
You're not being unreasonable. If you previously agreed on something and for whatever reason that isn't happening, it's perfectly valid for you to be disappointed or have negative feelings about the situation. I think a frank and honest discussion with your partner is is order, else you'll just end up resenting the situation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"she says I am bullying her into it"
But she is allowed to sleep with this other guy and his mates?
Sounds like bad news and you would be better off without her.
Ditch her, you can do better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with all the points in this post a more in depth convo about it is needed I also thank every one who has posted on here for the advice "
You need to click reply qoute so we know which post your replying to. Others wise we don't know.
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I agree with all the points in this post a more in depth convo about it is needed I also thank every one who has posted on here for the advice
You need to click reply qoute so we know which post your replying to. Others wise we don't know.
KJ"
that would make it a hell of a lot easier lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You just had that entire conversation since your last post, like 20 minutes ago?? You are tripping yourself up all over the place here. You were asked why her pics are being added very recently if she isn't interested in meeting, you said because she wants them added. Then you said she doesn't cone on the profile anymore, so how would she know they were added? As others have said, you should definitely stop trying to arrange meets with couples just now, I would be wary if you even going to a club together. It's just not fair to out others potentially in the line of fire...
You said you are low in confidence, that's probably why you have let this go on on. Plus of course your hope that you will get what you want. Even though you know the situation is all wrong.
Your partner is being fairly demonised on this thread but seems to me she is low in confidence too, hence the reason she enjoys the attention from this guy so much, to the point she doesn't think she could give it up. And low confidence will also stop her wanting to involve other females. In case you want them more. It's a shit-show. Seems like swinging is the last thing you should be thinking of right now. "
I agree with what you are saying and a more in depth convo is needed was just a quick one earlier as our daughter was awake but would like to thank all for the advice they have given today |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
"It used to be together as we have discussed she has now started to be with regular guy more and more on her own when I am in the house I feel like I have to let her as don’t want her to fly off on one while he is here "
Ok, this? This is ringing my alarm bells. It sounds like you’re scared of upsetting her, and you have a youngish child.
Relate are awesome. Please get outside help with your relationship? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This sounds like a classic cuckold situation. Is this thread part of the humiliation aspect?"
I think you right, sadly she is cuckolding the OP but it's not an agreed kink which he wanted or what they had agreed and discussed when starting out.
I also think this thread is a genuine shout out for support and advice and not a cuckold humiliation kink.
KJ |
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Sounds like she has feelings for him,which why she likes him.most women need to have some sort of connection to really let yourself go.
Most men don't need a connection.
I would talk about how she feels about him and what has changed. |
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