FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Compromise, or disaster waiting to happen
Compromise, or disaster waiting to happen
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"There are other ways to spice your sex life up than clubs. Do you and your wife discuss mutual fantasies? You talk about compromise but it is not compromise when only one of you is making all the concessions. You talk in terms of having wasted years of your life but say you love your wife. I think you underestimate the blow to a person's self worth when someone they love tells them they only want to have sex with them under certain circumstances or by involving other people. I have no idea what your wife is thinking but if I was her I'd be deeply hurt to have been issued with an ultimatum and I can understand why she lied to you. She did what she needed to do save her marriage much in the same way you are. All I can suggest is couples counselling for both of you to help direct you towards true compromise. I hope the situation resolves in the best possible way for you both."  | |||
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"Hi To cut a very long story short..... About 6yrs ago, our relation was very poor, on verge of seperating, a lot down to not the lack of sex life per se, but the monotony of it. I brought it to a head and we both agreed we couldnt go on, but didnt want to split so decided to try things. We tried dogging, being naughty in public, her flashing truckers, guys in hotels etc... but we were always worried of being complained about. I suggested a club in 2018, and we went to one, i honestly thought we both liked it, but the club music wasnt our taste, so tried another. We went, and to my knowledge and memory, had a wonderful time, we didnt play, just took in the sexy atmosphere, danced, chatted with others, and she actually told me she loved it. We planned to go back quickly, but then Covid hit 2 wks later. One of the things that got me through the chains and prison walls of covid was the thought of going back to the club. Restrictions lifted and I suggested going again. So was gobsmacked when she said she never liked it, and was never going back. That leaves us squarly at the start again. Sex is boring, unfulfilling and the whole situation has made me very miserable - I feel (a) she has either forgotten how this saved ourcrelationship and gave us 3 wonderful years, or (b) she was putting it on to 'save our marriage' and i now feel cheated out of 6yrs of my life. If she didnt like it, then she should have told me, and we could have decided if it was the end ir not - but i never got that chance. So....... Up to present day. I have told her how i feel, and told her to think about it for a few days before giving reply (tbh, hoping she would start clubbing again - I was more than happy doing as before, enjoying the atmosphere, watching others, turning each other on, then, after hows of us simmering, going back to hotel to rip each others clothes off). She has told me, she is definately NOT going back. BUT Has stated I DO have her permission to visit on my own to ' get what I need '. She says, she 100% wants to stay together, could not deal with an affair, but the club is sexual oy, and not emotional, so can handle that. Personally, I think it is a wonderful gesture, but (a) as before, thinks she is just saying it to save our marriage, and , (b) is a disaster waiting to happen. If she felt 'like she had a kbot in her stomach' all the build up to us going, how the hell will she feel when I am going alone ??. Can I have your thoughts please. She is ill at the moment, but did ask me 'I thought you were going the club this week' , I told her, I dont want to go without her,and we will talk about it when she is feeling better. However, I must stress, I 100% dont want to go without her, but, to me, it saved our marriage as it was , to me, the conpromise that kept us both happy in both a sexual and emotional way, so, without it, I really can't see how we can go on. I feel teapped, because I love her so much. Over to you." She's comprising and giving you what she thinks you want to save from splitting up. It won't work. You either need to work on the relationship together to fix it or split. Disaster waiting to happen in my view | |||
"Does she know you meet men for sex on here?" Do you actively look for these types of threads to post that question? | |||
"Does she know you meet men for sex on here? Do you actively look for these types of threads to post that question?" Guilty conscience? | |||
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"Disaster, many moons ago i came out as bi to my ex wife, we stuck together for the sake of the kids as you do, we tried clubs bi meets etc but I always felt whilst she enjoyed it, we were only doing it to satisfy my bi side. Long story short we split and all this was confirmed. I was angry with her and myself that she had done this to try and make me happy and keep our relationship together. The grass isnt greener, my advice is go to relate talk about your issues, once you cross the line of going to clubs with out her, the damage is done. It may be that after relate you find that you have nothing that keeps you together anymore, or you find that spark that allows you to carry on. If one person isnt happy in a relationship weather that be you or her, it will only end up in heart ache. " Hence my question.
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"What I would do and what others would do is completely different to what you want to do and will do. You can read all the advise in the world and ask all the right questions to the right people, but it’s the your partners voice and opinion that is vital to the outcome of this. My advice for what it’s worth, is talk to her, and you’ll find out where you are. " | |||
"What I would do and what others would do is completely different to what you want to do and will do. You can read all the advise in the world and ask all the right questions to the right people, but it’s the your partners voice and opinion that is vital to the outcome of this. My advice for what it’s worth, is talk to her, and you’ll find out where you are. "Yep totaly agree, every person is different, you know your partner. We can only offer advice on past experiences and what we would like. Just out of interest how would you feel if you had lost interest in sex and she wanted to go to a club? Not judging just asking. | |||
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"What I would do and what others would do is completely different to what you want to do and will do. You can read all the advise in the world and ask all the right questions to the right people, but it’s the your partners voice and opinion that is vital to the outcome of this. My advice for what it’s worth, is talk to her, and you’ll find out where you are.
Yep totaly agree, every person is different, you know your partner. We can only offer advice on past experiences and what we would like.
Just out of interest how would you feel if you had lost interest in sex and she wanted to go to a club?
Not judging just asking."Me? Are you asking me? | |||
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"This part of what you've written bothers me she was putting it on to 'save our marriage' and i now feel cheated out of 6yrs of my life. If she didnt like it, then she should have told me, and we could have decided if it was the end ir not - but i never got that chance. So....... Up to present day. I have told her how i feel, and told her to think about it for a few days before giving reply (tbh, hoping she would start clubbing again I know we only have your side of the story, I know you've said your honest with her but dies she feel she can be honest with you or does she feel she has to put up or lose you You've mentioned she's ill at the moment, I don't know the illness but I know Womens age hormones can play havoc with our sex drive sometimes insatiable sometimes non existent Id suggest giving her time while she's poorly but then try and gave a proper chat ie did she go along with things just to keep you sweet as you don't want her to do that etc Have you been honest with her about you're bi side, maybe she's aware or suspects but is afraid to ask, if she's not aware then you definitely need to tell her etc Honesty from both sides is key in any marriage especially when involving swinging so I think you need to dig a bit deeper with your wife, maybe she's a little cuck and happy to let you play alone (go to clubs alone) and tell her about it later etc " Maybe she knows there are more secrets.
Maybe she feels useless as he says 6 years spent with her would be wasted if she wasn't up for fucking around. | |||
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"Does she know you meet men for sex on here? Do you actively look for these types of threads to post that question? Guilty conscience? " I'll take that as a yes | |||
"Hi To cut a very long story short..... About 6yrs ago, our relation was very poor, on verge of seperating, a lot down to not the lack of sex life per se, but the monotony of it. I brought it to a head and we both agreed we couldnt go on, but didnt want to split so decided to try things. We tried dogging, being naughty in public, her flashing truckers, guys in hotels etc... but we were always worried of being complained about. I suggested a club in 2018, and we went to one, i honestly thought we both liked it, but the club music wasnt our taste, so tried another. We went, and to my knowledge and memory, had a wonderful time, we didnt play, just took in the sexy atmosphere, danced, chatted with others, and she actually told me she loved it. We planned to go back quickly, but then Covid hit 2 wks later. One of the things that got me through the chains and prison walls of covid was the thought of going back to the club. Restrictions lifted and I suggested going again. So was gobsmacked when she said she never liked it, and was never going back. That leaves us squarly at the start again. Sex is boring, unfulfilling and the whole situation has made me very miserable - I feel (a) she has either forgotten how this saved ourcrelationship and gave us 3 wonderful years, or (b) she was putting it on to 'save our marriage' and i now feel cheated out of 6yrs of my life. If she didnt like it, then she should have told me, and we could have decided if it was the end ir not - but i never got that chance. So....... Up to present day. I have told her how i feel, and told her to think about it for a few days before giving reply (tbh, hoping she would start clubbing again - I was more than happy doing as before, enjoying the atmosphere, watching others, turning each other on, then, after hows of us simmering, going back to hotel to rip each others clothes off). She has told me, she is definately NOT going back. BUT Has stated I DO have her permission to visit on my own to ' get what I need '. She says, she 100% wants to stay together, could not deal with an affair, but the club is sexual oy, and not emotional, so can handle that. Personally, I think it is a wonderful gesture, but (a) as before, thinks she is just saying it to save our marriage, and , (b) is a disaster waiting to happen. If she felt 'like she had a kbot in her stomach' all the build up to us going, how the hell will she feel when I am going alone ??. Can I have your thoughts please. She is ill at the moment, but did ask me 'I thought you were going the club this week' , I told her, I dont want to go without her,and we will talk about it when she is feeling better. However, I must stress, I 100% dont want to go without her, but, to me, it saved our marriage as it was , to me, the conpromise that kept us both happy in both a sexual and emotional way, so, without it, I really can't see how we can go on. I feel teapped, because I love her so much. Over to you." .................................. Have you asked her what she derives from being married to you? | |||
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" Cheers to those who judge, you can really see, I am just a shallow, horrible person who has no respect for my wife, cant you ! I thank everyone for their kind replies, but to those (or should I say to the one) who judges, on this day especially, I will just say "the one who has never sinned can cast the first stone. " ................................ To be fair to the rest of us you were inviting feedback in your OP and it's unlikely to be completely supportive given the subject matter and how you presented it, but good luck to you (and your wife), it can't be easy but the only people who can contribute meaningfully to the conversation are you and her | |||
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"Well, I was the one who raised it, but when I did she agreed." Sex is all about repetition.. how often are/were you having sex with her? | |||
"Hi To cut a very long story short..... About 6yrs ago, our relation was very poor, on verge of seperating, a lot down to not the lack of sex life per se, but the monotony of it. I brought it to a head and we both agreed we couldnt go on, but didnt want to split so decided to try things. We tried dogging, being naughty in public, her flashing truckers, guys in hotels etc... but we were always worried of being complained about. I suggested a club in 2018, and we went to one, i honestly thought we both liked it, but the club music wasnt our taste, so tried another. We went, and to my knowledge and memory, had a wonderful time, we didnt play, just took in the sexy atmosphere, danced, chatted with others, and she actually told me she loved it. We planned to go back quickly, but then Covid hit 2 wks later. One of the things that got me through the chains and prison walls of covid was the thought of going back to the club. Restrictions lifted and I suggested going again. So was gobsmacked when she said she never liked it, and was never going back. That leaves us squarly at the start again. Sex is boring, unfulfilling and the whole situation has made me very miserable - I feel (a) she has either forgotten how this saved ourcrelationship and gave us 3 wonderful years, or (b) she was putting it on to 'save our marriage' and i now feel cheated out of 6yrs of my life. If she didnt like it, then she should have told me, and we could have decided if it was the end ir not - but i never got that chance. So....... Up to present day. I have told her how i feel, and told her to think about it for a few days before giving reply (tbh, hoping she would start clubbing again - I was more than happy doing as before, enjoying the atmosphere, watching others, turning each other on, then, after hows of us simmering, going back to hotel to rip each others clothes off). She has told me, she is definately NOT going back. BUT Has stated I DO have her permission to visit on my own to ' get what I need '. She says, she 100% wants to stay together, could not deal with an affair, but the club is sexual oy, and not emotional, so can handle that. Personally, I think it is a wonderful gesture, but (a) as before, thinks she is just saying it to save our marriage, and , (b) is a disaster waiting to happen. If she felt 'like she had a kbot in her stomach' all the build up to us going, how the hell will she feel when I am going alone ??. Can I have your thoughts please. She is ill at the moment, but did ask me 'I thought you were going the club this week' , I told her, I dont want to go without her,and we will talk about it when she is feeling better. However, I must stress, I 100% dont want to go without her, but, to me, it saved our marriage as it was , to me, the conpromise that kept us both happy in both a sexual and emotional way, so, without it, I really can't see how we can go on. I feel teapped, because I love her so much. Over to you." How did flashing truckers improve your relationship?  | |||
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"I will try and explain this anothercway...... What I said was, at first, we tried everything we had 'fantasised about', some my suggestion, some hers (hers - sex in a swimming pool, in a sauna - we tried them in hotel breaks, but I was worried we would have the police called on us so I didnt like those and couldnt enjoy them. We tried dogging at my suggestion, she found it sleazy and disgusting so stopped, on route to a hotel, we got playing on motorway, as lorries past, I loved it, she was very uncomfortable (esp as there was a thing on the news about police being in cabs at the time). We tried making vids and photos - we both found that 'alright', we tried the 'opening the door to room service skimpily (as talked about on another thread, at my suggestion - she was like me and the pool, worried we would get chucked out, we tried sexy card games, ny suggestion, didnt do anyyjing for either of us, tried truth or dare, my suggestion - I was game, I was prepared to heR anything, she hated it, we bought toys, they were used two or three times, then drawed, bought loads and I mean loads of lingerie - at first , i used to come home from work at 2am, to find her in them in bed asleep but waiting, last time that happened was 2017, tried having long relaxing soaking baths together , same, happened regularly at beginning, drifted around 2018, then happened only if I suggested it, now, not at all, tried watching porn, she gets so turned on watching porn - esp Lesbian, but she never initiates anything, that is once every 3 months or so, and only if I basically insist - so......... As you can see, in 2018 , all that had been tried ,I thought 'i have tried everything to satisfy us both, it hasnt worked, lets just call this quits. She begged me to keep trying. It was then I learnt about the club scene. I suggested it, initially she said no, but then agreed after discussion around the fact we had tried everything and nothing worked, it was the last chance. We went, it was OK for both of us, nothing special but nothing bad - the issue was mainly down to the music as, even though the majority of people there were 40 +, caucasion and from the midlands, the owner seemed to think we were in Comoton or the Bronx and 22. We agreed it was worth pursuing, but we would try a different club. We found one, we went and we BOTH had a fantastic night. She looked so hot, I scrubbed up well, we laughed, we chatted, we watched porn in the cinema abd really got into it *she even unzipped me, without asking, and gave me a bj in public). We heard others - didnt see, but could hear, it turned us BOTH on, she wasnt ready to go further there, so we got in car, came home, talked about it on way home, she said she loved it and would love to go back, we went home and had amazing sex !!!. The next morning I emailed the club, read it to her, she agreed with all the words, I sent it. She, yes, SHE, said lets plan ti go again, we planned the 16th March 19 (3 weeks away) we were counting down the days, then , wham - covid !!!. Then, fast forward two years, Xmas, I suggest going back, she told me she hated it, I was floored, she didnt, I just dont understand, I am flummoxed. I have explained everything, like here, that, we are where we were in 2018 only its even worse now, we have tried everything and 90% didnt work. I cannot live my life regretting just stsying together as its the easiest thing, even if I am unfulfilled I thought we had found the thing that lit that spark, in fact, I am 99.9% sure we did, for BOTH of us, but she now says she hated it and is never going back, but I can. I dont want to without her, I want to, like most couples on here, enhance OUR sexlife However, if she downright refuses, I have 3 options. 1. Take her up on the offer to go alone - thus the thread. Are there any other couples where one plays with others consent and it works, or does it end in disaster. 2. Call it a day. 3. Stay together, but seek to play behind her back. I want option 4. We go ghe club together, with rules and boundaries - but it aint gonna happen, so it HAS to be 1-3, coz nothing is not an option. For those who judge, all ghe 'does she know' , 'how would you feel' etc... I wouldn't judhe if I was you, the large chance us, it WILL be you at some point. The stats say it, the only question is, can you get through it or not. At this time, I am thinking we can't ciz I am out of ideas, but I am desperate to find an answer, coz, apart from the sexual side, I love her so much" 3 is a no go Why do stuff behind her back when she's given permission for you ti go to clubs Doing stuff behind your partners back is only gonna make her feel worse about sex which she enivitably will at some point | |||
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"Thanks for the advice. Do you want tge honest, not exactly romantic answr. Its cheaper !!. Petrol to a club and back £40, entrance £30, drinks £20. Bloody exlensive night out that takes 8 hours plus, when you 'could' get it for free in an hour or so. But PLEASE do not take it the wrong way - thats not what I want, but in these economic times - it crosses the mind" ................................. I'm afraid this post is guaranteed to be taken the 'wrong' way!   | |||
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"As said, that isnt the situation (at the moment) but, come on, be realistic, if everyone us on a swingers site, tgey are looking for sex." ................................ I think that isn't totally correct, people are here for lots of reasons, sex may be the ultimate objective but the journey getting there is just as rewarding and can be hard work. I know you havent expressed your position explicitly in these terms but I don't think anyone would like to be regarded as an unpaid prostitute! | |||
"As saud, what I am looking for is not judgement. What I AM looking for is couples who are in a similar position, either way. To see if it can work, or does it end in resentment. Lets turn the tables, ciz it clearly happens. If a married couple in their 30s , and the guy cant get an erection, or maybe just loses interest completely (as happens with certain treatment) is the wife ecpected to go the next 50 yrs without having sex ?." That's for them to discuss, which you have with your partner and she's given you the green light to attend clubs alone but you still don't seem happy, maybe you feel she's only said go ahead to keep you happy, we have no way of knowing, it seems you want her to attend club with you and that alone will make you happy but she's said she doesn't want to, only you can decide where you go from there Unfortunately I don't think you'll find many if any couples on here in a similar position You may find one of them but I doubt the other will want to know what their partner is getting up to with their permission One side may think it's working the other may be broken behind the scenes, you'll never know unless someone steps forward which like I said unfortunately can't see happening I understand your in a difficult situation but if you want to stay together going behind the agreed parameters isn't the answer Have you considered counselling, might not help but at least you've then tried everything | |||
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"We have duscussed the menopause, and yes, she is going through it. Of course, if it was that, I would of course wait, enjoy the memory, wait, support, and hope theblibido comes back. However, it is HER that states it is not the menopause - she never liked it, she never will, she will never go back. As for the 'house stuff' like lingerie, baths, etc..., of course I am understanding that it could, and probably will take a back seat - but for how long am I supposed to just accept it. Its already been 5yrs 2017 since that all slowed, 3 yrs dince everything stopped. Do i wait 5, 10, 20 yrs before I ssy 'bugger, I am niw 75, its too late' " You seem angry. Perhaps she's aware of that. You have your answer. Either cheat and make sure she doesn't find out, or split up. Why wait until it's too late? | |||
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basically, if you cant get back to sex clubs, you've wasted 6 years of your life staying with her?!
I have my thoughts, as other contributors have theirs but the person who really matters is your wife. In X amount of years when your sick of clubs and they don't have the same excitement (and believe me, it will fade) you'll wish you put your wife about your urge to get there come hell or high water  | |||
"She started the menopause and sex fell off a cliff. In a moment of frustration I suggested she found me a fuck buddy ... " Jesus Fucking Christ | |||
"She started the menopause and sex fell off a cliff. In a moment of frustration I suggested she found me a fuck buddy ... Jesus Fucking Christ" this! God forbid a man goes without sex for too long! Talk about not appreciating the partner and what she may be going through. | |||
"Hi To cut a very long story short..... About 6yrs ago, our relation was very poor, on verge of seperating, a lot down to not the lack of sex life per se, but the monotony of it. I brought it to a head and we both agreed we couldnt go on, but didnt want to split so decided to try things. We tried dogging, being naughty in public, her flashing truckers, guys in hotels etc... but we were always worried of being complained about. I suggested a club in 2018, and we went to one, i honestly thought we both liked it, but the club music wasnt our taste, so tried another. We went, and to my knowledge and memory, had a wonderful time, we didnt play, just took in the sexy atmosphere, danced, chatted with others, and she actually told me she loved it. We planned to go back quickly, but then Covid hit 2 wks later. One of the things that got me through the chains and prison walls of covid was the thought of going back to the club. Restrictions lifted and I suggested going again. So was gobsmacked when she said she never liked it, and was never going back. That leaves us squarly at the start again. Sex is boring, unfulfilling and the whole situation has made me very miserable - I feel (a) she has either forgotten how this saved ourcrelationship and gave us 3 wonderful years, or (b) she was putting it on to 'save our marriage' and i now feel cheated out of 6yrs of my life. If she didnt like it, then she should have told me, and we could have decided if it was the end ir not - but i never got that chance. So....... Up to present day. I have told her how i feel, and told her to think about it for a few days before giving reply (tbh, hoping she would start clubbing again - I was more than happy doing as before, enjoying the atmosphere, watching others, turning each other on, then, after hows of us simmering, going back to hotel to rip each others clothes off). She has told me, she is definately NOT going back. BUT Has stated I DO have her permission to visit on my own to ' get what I need '. She says, she 100% wants to stay together, could not deal with an affair, but the club is sexual oy, and not emotional, so can handle that. Personally, I think it is a wonderful gesture, but (a) as before, thinks she is just saying it to save our marriage, and , (b) is a disaster waiting to happen. If she felt 'like she had a kbot in her stomach' all the build up to us going, how the hell will she feel when I am going alone ??. Can I have your thoughts please. She is ill at the moment, but did ask me 'I thought you were going the club this week' , I told her, I dont want to go without her,and we will talk about it when she is feeling better. However, I must stress, I 100% dont want to go without her, but, to me, it saved our marriage as it was , to me, the conpromise that kept us both happy in both a sexual and emotional way, so, without it, I really can't see how we can go on. I feel teapped, because I love her so much. Over to you." I can't seem to understand why you would consider throwing a whole marriage away because the sex is boring...it almost sounds like your blaming her for that...there 8s alot more to marriage than sex...have you sat her down and asked her what she wants from sex? Because it sounds very much one sided from you. ..forget the clubs/fab..and work on your relationship, you might find that you actually put 100% effort into her than to this fantasy | |||
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"Marriage vows are in sickness and health, better or worse. And right now, you seem to be basing your marriage all about sex which comes across as very selfish. You say you love your wife, then maybe you should remember exactly what it is you love about her and forget about sex for a while. I suspect, unknowingly, the menopause is having a big impact on her. Lockdown was hard for everyone as well, do you think she could be suffering slightly with lack of confidence as well? These are all factors that could have contributed to her change of mind. And maybe the pressure of trying to please you is too much for her. Personally; I would suggest taking a back step and re-evaluating your whole relationship. Go have a wank and take the emphasis off sex for a while. Have intimate moments without anything sexual. Don’t plan anything and cease spontaneous opportunities if they arise. " This | |||
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"Thats rich Red Lipstick. I have just read your profile. You are happily married, he knows you are on here, your sex drives are just different, it works for you. But you tell me in sickness and in health n go and have a wank and forget sex...... How about if he is only saying you can do it to save your marriage, how about if he feels low self esteem, and pressure to do what you want etc..etc.. So, seems one rule when its a woman, another if its a bloke" Do you not understand what consent is? Also she didn't ask you to bitch about her profile. | |||
"Thats rich Red Lipstick. I have just read your profile. You are happily married, he knows you are on here, your sex drives are just different, it works for you. But you tell me in sickness and in health n go and have a wank and forget sex...... How about if he is only saying you can do it to save your marriage, how about if he feels low self esteem, and pressure to do what you want etc..etc.. So, seems one rule when its a woman, another if its a bloke" There's 2 words there that make it different to what you've put... she's "happily married." You don't sound like you are. | |||
"She started the menopause and sex fell off a cliff. In a moment of frustration I suggested she found me a fuck buddy ... Jesus Fucking Christ this! God forbid a man goes without sex for too long! Talk about not appreciating the partner and what she may be going through. "How do you know how much I've appreciated my partner, you have absolutely no idea of my marriage and my private life! Get off the moral high ground. If you read the comment it was 'a MOMENT of FRUSTRATION'. Men are allowed to be upset when their partner of many years no longer wants any more intimacy with them, it's how we deal with it that important. Maybe I should have done what many other men on here have done, lied to her and started meeting people from here behind her back. I haven't because I believe honesty in a relationship is key. Why don't you stop commenting on situations that you have no knowledge of. Enjoy looking around at all those 'single' men on here.... Jesus Fucking Christ! | |||
"She started the menopause and sex fell off a cliff. In a moment of frustration I suggested she found me a fuck buddy ... Jesus Fucking Christ this! God forbid a man goes without sex for too long! Talk about not appreciating the partner and what she may be going through.
How do you know how much I've appreciated my partner, you have absolutely no idea of my marriage and my private life! Get off the moral high ground. If you read the comment it was 'a MOMENT of FRUSTRATION'. Men are allowed to be upset when their partner of many years no longer wants any more intimacy with them, it's how we deal with it that important. Maybe I should have done what many other men on here have done, lied to her and started meeting people from here behind her back. I haven't because I believe honesty in a relationship is key. Why don't you stop commenting on situations that you have no knowledge of. Enjoy looking around at all those 'single' men on here....
Jesus
Fucking
Christ! "................................. In your frustration you asked her to find you a fuck buddy?! | |||
"She started the menopause and sex fell off a cliff. In a moment of frustration I suggested she found me a fuck buddy ... Jesus Fucking Christ this! God forbid a man goes without sex for too long! Talk about not appreciating the partner and what she may be going through.
How do you know how much I've appreciated my partner, you have absolutely no idea of my marriage and my private life! Get off the moral high ground. If you read the comment it was 'a MOMENT of FRUSTRATION'. Men are allowed to be upset when their partner of many years no longer wants any more intimacy with them, it's how we deal with it that important. Maybe I should have done what many other men on here have done, lied to her and started meeting people from here behind her back. I haven't because I believe honesty in a relationship is key. Why don't you stop commenting on situations that you have no knowledge of. Enjoy looking around at all those 'single' men on here....
Jesus
Fucking
Christ! "You're absolutely right, I don't know your background. Perhaps you should have worded your sentance a bit better. I see what I see. What would you have done if she hasn't agreed to you getting a FB ?? How would you have got around that? The OP asked a forum for advice, which I'm not even sure he is taking onboard. Oh, and I'm not looking for men. | |||
"She started the menopause and sex fell off a cliff. In a moment of frustration I suggested she found me a fuck buddy ... Jesus Fucking Christ this! God forbid a man goes without sex for too long! Talk about not appreciating the partner and what she may be going through.
How do you know how much I've appreciated my partner, you have absolutely no idea of my marriage and my private life! Get off the moral high ground. If you read the comment it was 'a MOMENT of FRUSTRATION'. Men are allowed to be upset when their partner of many years no longer wants any more intimacy with them, it's how we deal with it that important. Maybe I should have done what many other men on here have done, lied to her and started meeting people from here behind her back. I haven't because I believe honesty in a relationship is key. Why don't you stop commenting on situations that you have no knowledge of. Enjoy looking around at all those 'single' men on here....
Jesus
Fucking
Christ!
You're absolutely right, I don't know your background. Perhaps you should have worded your sentance a bit better. I see what I see.
What would you have done if she hasn't agreed to you getting a FB ?? How would you have got around that?
The OP asked a forum for advice, which I'm not even sure he is taking onboard.
Oh, and I'm not looking for men. "If my wife didn't want me to have a FB then I wouldn't be on here. Simple. However frustrating a lack of a sex life is my marriage and my family come first, always. I couldn't be a liar do do something behind her back. In the unlikely event I was offered a meet I'd actually be in two minds about it because I'd always hoped that any such thing would involve us both and me going by myself wouldn't feel right. However should I refuse if my wife really isn't that bothered about me having sex with other people. It's a problem I doubt I'll have to face! Good luck with your search, if it's women I suspect you'll find many of those are men, although you probably know that! | |||
" If my wife didn't want me to have a FB then I wouldn't be on here. Simple. However frustrating a lack of a sex life is my marriage and my family come first, always. I couldn't be a liar do do something behind her back. In the unlikely event I was offered a meet I'd actually be in two minds about it because I'd always hoped that any such thing would involve us both and me going by myself wouldn't feel right. However should I refuse if my wife really isn't that bothered about me having sex with other people. It's a problem I doubt I'll have to face! Good luck with your search, if it's women I suspect you'll find many of those are men, although you probably know that!" Ok so you're on here now and you've said you haven't had any meets as of yet, how is that helping your frustration? If your wife isn't being intimate? A genuine question. | |||
Also, compromising is about you giving some things up for what she want too.
Good luck.
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"Thats rich Red Lipstick. I have just read your profile. You are happily married, he knows you are on here, your sex drives are just different, it works for you. But you tell me in sickness and in health n go and have a wank and forget sex...... How about if he is only saying you can do it to save your marriage, how about if he feels low self esteem, and pressure to do what you want etc..etc.. So, seems one rule when its a woman, another if its a bloke" Deep breathe in. I'm not the one asking for advice. I'm happily married and have been meeting on here for over 6 yrs. I've not had sex of any kind with my husband for 11 yrs. I've never lied, tried to coerce him into anything, or hurt his feelings at all. This really (obviously) works for us, or we wouldn't be still together! My husband is contentedly married and loves me very much. I know this because we genuinely talk about each others feelings. I've also never done anything without his knowledge and approval.... I reiterate that we're happily married! All the best OP and in future if you can't take advice/criticism then don't ask for help in the forums  | |||
"I will try and explain this anothercway...... What I said was, at first, we tried everything we had 'fantasised about', some my suggestion, some hers (hers - sex in a swimming pool, in a sauna - we tried them in hotel breaks, but I was worried we would have the police called on us so I didnt like those and couldnt enjoy them. We tried dogging at my suggestion, she found it sleazy and disgusting so stopped, on route to a hotel, we got playing on motorway, as lorries past, I loved it, she was very uncomfortable (esp as there was a thing on the news about police being in cabs at the time). We tried making vids and photos - we both found that 'alright', we tried the 'opening the door to room service skimpily (as talked about on another thread, at my suggestion - she was like me and the pool, worried we would get chucked out, we tried sexy card games, ny suggestion, didnt do anyyjing for either of us, tried truth or dare, my suggestion - I was game, I was prepared to heR anything, she hated it, we bought toys, they were used two or three times, then drawed, bought loads and I mean loads of lingerie - at first , i used to come home from work at 2am, to find her in them in bed asleep but waiting, last time that happened was 2017, tried having long relaxing soaking baths together , same, happened regularly at beginning, drifted around 2018, then happened only if I suggested it, now, not at all, tried watching porn, she gets so turned on watching porn - esp Lesbian, but she never initiates anything, that is once every 3 months or so, and only if I basically insist - so......... As you can see, in 2018 , all that had been tried ,I thought 'i have tried everything to satisfy us both, it hasnt worked, lets just call this quits. She begged me to keep trying. It was then I learnt about the club scene. I suggested it, initially she said no, but then agreed after discussion around the fact we had tried everything and nothing worked, it was the last chance. We went, it was OK for both of us, nothing special but nothing bad - the issue was mainly down to the music as, even though the majority of people there were 40 +, caucasion and from the midlands, the owner seemed to think we were in Comoton or the Bronx and 22. We agreed it was worth pursuing, but we would try a different club. We found one, we went and we BOTH had a fantastic night. She looked so hot, I scrubbed up well, we laughed, we chatted, we watched porn in the cinema abd really got into it *she even unzipped me, without asking, and gave me a bj in public). We heard others - didnt see, but could hear, it turned us BOTH on, she wasnt ready to go further there, so we got in car, came home, talked about it on way home, she said she loved it and would love to go back, we went home and had amazing sex !!!. The next morning I emailed the club, read it to her, she agreed with all the words, I sent it. She, yes, SHE, said lets plan ti go again, we planned the 16th March 19 (3 weeks away) we were counting down the days, then , wham - covid !!!. Then, fast forward two years, Xmas, I suggest going back, she told me she hated it, I was floored, she didnt, I just dont understand, I am flummoxed. I have explained everything, like here, that, we are where we were in 2018 only its even worse now, we have tried everything and 90% didnt work. I cannot live my life regretting just stsying together as its the easiest thing, even if I am unfulfilled I thought we had found the thing that lit that spark, in fact, I am 99.9% sure we did, for BOTH of us, but she now says she hated it and is never going back, but I can. I dont want to without her, I want to, like most couples on here, enhance OUR sexlife However, if she downright refuses, I have 3 options. 1. Take her up on the offer to go alone - thus the thread. Are there any other couples where one plays with others consent and it works, or does it end in disaster. 2. Call it a day. 3. Stay together, but seek to play behind her back. I want option 4. We go ghe club together, with rules and boundaries - but it aint gonna happen, so it HAS to be 1-3, coz nothing is not an option. For those who judge, all ghe 'does she know' , 'how would you feel' etc... I wouldn't judhe if I was you, the large chance us, it WILL be you at some point. The stats say it, the only question is, can you get through it or not. At this time, I am thinking we can't ciz I am out of ideas, but I am desperate to find an answer, coz, apart from the sexual side, I love her so much" All I hear is me me me | |||
" If my wife didn't want me to have a FB then I wouldn't be on here. Simple. However frustrating a lack of a sex life is my marriage and my family come first, always. I couldn't be a liar do do something behind her back. In the unlikely event I was offered a meet I'd actually be in two minds about it because I'd always hoped that any such thing would involve us both and me going by myself wouldn't feel right. However should I refuse if my wife really isn't that bothered about me having sex with other people. It's a problem I doubt I'll have to face! Good luck with your search, if it's women I suspect you'll find many of those are men, although you probably know that! Ok so you're on here now and you've said you haven't had any meets as of yet, how is that helping your frustration? If your wife isn't being intimate? A genuine question. " It's a good question. I'm fairly sure of the sort of thing I'm looking for, one or two reasonably local couples for regular playmates, they'll be friends and my wife will know where I am. Being 62 and married doesn't make me a great catch so I have to be realistic. It is frustrating but I've chatted to a few nice people, written some dirty stories for people that I've published on the forums and generally try and be optimistic that I might make friends with a nice couple and take it from there. Hopefully my sex life at home is improving a bit, we recently had a session where I told her a made up story about me playing with a couple whilst she sat and wattme, that proved VERY popular! Who knows, we might be back as a couple! If all else fails there's always Xhamster and my trusty right hand. Getting a meet off here isn't the be all and end all of my life. | |||
