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Couples at clubs
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So it’s a little new territory for me, I normally attend clubs on my own. However, on occasions I do also attend with a female friend. on my own, it’s a little easier to gauge if a couple / singleton are interested in having fun, but with another it seems to be more difficult.
I’m trying to gauge if there is mutual attraction / interest by both, for each of us, rather than just myself.
I did come straight out with it the other night and offered to meet up in a couples room, but they didn’t appear, so I guessed I’m Not for them and our chats were just that. I’m all good with just chatting, as I do not attend with presumptive ideas, I attend for the atmosphere, to relax etc and If anything happens and I have mutual attraction with another/s then great.
But how would you normally approach the subject as a couple?
One couple passed the lady onto my lap, sort of told me they were interested (lucky me as she is gorgeous) other couples have asked if I wish to play? Again straight to the point.
But I don’t want to come across fake, as I do genuinely like to chat to couples/people and then IF that leads to play then fine. But don’t want them thinking that’s all I ever intended!
Answered on a postcard please…
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We have attended the same club and we like men or couples to start a conversation with us.
We do think it is more difficult with another couple as there needs to be a 4 way attraction for things to go further but when we partake in mfm it is just the female half and prospective male that need the attraction.
We are quite shy and still nervous in our approaches which may not be helping us! |
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I agree it's harder with couples, there needs to be a 4 way attraction, you need to have time to talk to your partner and guard their feelings about the couple, so many times we've had couples put us on the spot or be quite pushy, ie 'you don't mind if we join you & just start touching' I'm more than happy to say no but my husband doesn't like to offend & thinks I can come off as rude (I probably am to be fair if they are already touching me)
It's something we've definitely not mastered so we tend to stick to singles |
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"I agree it's harder with couples, there needs to be a 4 way attraction, you need to have time to talk to your partner and guard their feelings about the couple, so many times we've had couples put us on the spot or be quite pushy, ie 'you don't mind if we join you & just start touching' I'm more than happy to say no but my husband doesn't like to offend & thinks I can come off as rude (I probably am to be fair if they are already touching me)
It's something we've definitely not mastered so we tend to stick to singles "
Sounds like they are the rude ones not you!
Ms x |
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By *l1pp3ryCouple
over a year ago
Bradford |
"
We do think it is more difficult with another couple as there needs to be a 4 way attraction for things to go further but when we partake in mfm it is just the female half and prospective male that need the attraction.
We are quite shy and still nervous in our approaches which may not be helping us!"
I am quoting this, not in relation to club visits as we don't do clubs but just our experience on fab generally |
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We really struggle with this and have been left really confused and frustrated at clubs when we’ve been given positive vibes that don’t lead to anything. It’s put us off a fair bit.
We’d really appreciate clarity and a brazen approach (I’m just going to start making my position abundantly clear now I’ve got comfortable in clubs!) but most other women I’ve seen probably wouldn’t welcome that so much…maybe a more tactful enquiry is better? |
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"We really struggle with this and have been left really confused and frustrated at clubs when we’ve been given positive vibes that don’t lead to anything. It’s put us off a fair bit.
We’d really appreciate clarity and a brazen approach (I’m just going to start making my position abundantly clear now I’ve got comfortable in clubs!) but most other women I’ve seen probably wouldn’t welcome that so much…maybe a more tactful enquiry is better?"
Often clubs do have an air of awkward school disco about them. Lots of slightly shy people who have a shared interest in something kicking off but no one will make the first move. Clubs need more people willing to be more direct with their intent.
Totally get the good vibes and then nothing disappoint thing. It's all part of the game. But this can happen when you have a first meet outside of a club. Except you've invested all your time and efforts on one person/couple. At a club when it goes nowhere you have the opportunity to simply move onto the next in the same night. And to be fair we've found some people are just slow burners and you bump into them a few times before it goes anywhere.
What I've found about the daytime club scene/parties is that there is a more direct attitude. Less standing on ceremony, more getting down to it. Not sure if its to do with the limited time frame or the nature of the daytime club crowd or a mixture off both.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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One thing had crossed my mind, but I really didn’t think to much on it. Is that this particular couple may have simply wanted a male, and not a couple to join them? Even now writing it, sounds arrogant of me to suggest. However a few of the comments also say that they wanted a male and maybe not a couple?
I really thought that other couples were more open to a full swap, and maybe this was a preference. I totally get the mutual attraction, between all and that this is going to be difficult to achieve. I haven’t got the dynamic of gauging what the female friend likes / dislikes as we are not a couple per say, in the fullness of the meaning. And maybe a safe phrase would also be a good idea? “ I fancy a drink” of which could avoid ether entering into a situation that they don’t really feel comfortable with.
I’d hate my friend to “take one for the team” as I’v heard it called. Maybe unrealistic, but I would rather everyone is comfortable, or I’d rather not play at all.
It’s quite intreating the dynamics of it all, as I have seen it from a single and now a couples perspective.
Funny that even the FAB world is as difficult to navigate as the real one!
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
During the conversation, you could just ask them what their favourite kind of clubs scenarios are and what they are looking for from the lifestyle.
That might give you an idea of if you are at least looking for the same situations, and a chance for them to hint that it might be both of you.
I have a friend who clubs with her fiance, but their situation is that he likes to watch her being pleasured.
There are other friends who are looking for soft play or same room swap only. There all kinds of things people are looking for and as well as finding a mutual attraction, it's difficult to try and find if you are looking for the same scenarios in the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"During the conversation, you could just ask them what their favourite kind of clubs scenarios are and what they are looking for from the lifestyle.
That might give you an idea of if you are at least looking for the same situations, and a chance for them to hint that it might be both of you.
I have a friend who clubs with her fiance, but their situation is that he likes to watch her being pleasured.
There are other friends who are looking for soft play or same room swap only. There all kinds of things people are looking for and as well as finding a mutual attraction, it's difficult to try and find if you are looking for the same scenarios in the first place."
If only everyone was as open as your are hun, you have a very clear indication to what you wanted and quite clear as to who and when! Lol I really didn’t think it was a popular scenario where the male watches the female being pleasured, and thought a full couple swap was the main wish. Seems I have been mistaken? Note to self, ask!!!
Happy Easter hun xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you find it easier on your own why are you complicating matters by going with your FB ? "
Firstly, I only see her on rare occasions and I support her 100% if she also saw someone she felt an attraction / connection with yo have fun. I’m more a FB / support mechanism. But also really enjoy her company on the rare occasions.
So majorly of the time I attend in my own. (She’s 3hr drive away) 
Hope this answered the question
X |
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By *as1373Couple
over a year ago
Taupo, New Zealand & Persian Gulf |
"We have a good understanding to a point that we can both tell if we like both halves of a couple. We did talk about secret signals we could use but so far we haven’t needed them."
We heard a good idea, where couples have safe word to stop, equally have a word that means, I’m enjoying this or let’s go further. Useful where a couple have pre agreed boundaries but then equally are happy to push them in the moment. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"During the conversation, you could just ask them what their favourite kind of clubs scenarios are and what they are looking for from the lifestyle.
That might give you an idea of if you are at least looking for the same situations, and a chance for them to hint that it might be both of you.
I have a friend who clubs with her fiance, but their situation is that he likes to watch her being pleasured.
There are other friends who are looking for soft play or same room swap only. There all kinds of things people are looking for and as well as finding a mutual attraction, it's difficult to try and find if you are looking for the same scenarios in the first place.
If only everyone was as open as your are hun, you have a very clear indication to what you wanted and quite clear as to who and when! Lol I really didn’t think it was a popular scenario where the male watches the female being pleasured, and thought a full couple swap was the main wish. Seems I have been mistaken? Note to self, ask!!!
Happy Easter hun xx"
Happy Easter to you as well and see you soon x |
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We stop going to one club as was told we had to play with men we told them we play with people we like. And was told to get out of the club and not come back. The club shut. But as not reopen ..ask and will Tell you the name |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We stop going to one club as was told we had to play with men we told them we play with people we like. And was told to get out of the club and not come back. The club shut. But as not reopen ..ask and will Tell you the name "
Omg that’s terrible! as a male I don’t expect ANYONE to play, if they click with me and I click with them, great. IF not, it’s no issue! I have gone to clubs and not played, but still enjoyed the time spent there.
I’d love to know, so I can let on the ‘give it a kiss’ list!
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By *rixieMeWoman
over a year ago
Farfarfar away |
"We really struggle with this and have been left really confused and frustrated at clubs when we’ve been given positive vibes that don’t lead to anything. It’s put us off a fair bit.
We’d really appreciate clarity and a brazen approach (I’m just going to start making my position abundantly clear now I’ve got comfortable in clubs!) but most other women I’ve seen probably wouldn’t welcome that so much…maybe a more tactful enquiry is better?
Often clubs do have an air of awkward school disco about them. Lots of slightly shy people who have a shared interest in something kicking off but no one will make the first move. Clubs need more people willing to be more direct with their intent.
Totally get the good vibes and then nothing disappoint thing. It's all part of the game. But this can happen when you have a first meet outside of a club. Except you've invested all your time and efforts on one person/couple. At a club when it goes nowhere you have the opportunity to simply move onto the next in the same night. And to be fair we've found some people are just slow burners and you bump into them a few times before it goes anywhere.
What I've found about the daytime club scene/parties is that there is a more direct attitude. Less standing on ceremony, more getting down to it. Not sure if its to do with the limited time frame or the nature of the daytime club crowd or a mixture off both.
"
Totally this, night time clubs have such an air of school disco, watching waiting to see who going to cop of with who. Plus everyone’s dressed up. I find day clubs with spa’s so much easier. You’re already naked barriers are down everyone’s in the same position. As a single female you get your pick, but as couple it’s always so much harder. He thinks she’s hot and she’s going no way. With my partner we’ve tended to build up relationships then when we see them again at a club there’s a higher potential for play. I know I can come of as aloof or even hostile. My partner is the chatty one and is like a kid in a sweetie shop when we go to clubs and I often feel that I hinder him, but if I don’t want to I’m not going to. 4-way can be awesome but is fraught with pitfalls. 4 different characters with 4 different ideas of what they want  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Back in my couples days; we were very up front (perhaps as we weren’t a ‘real couple’ just FWB) my partner just used to say ‘Right, we’re interested. If you are, we’re through there! If not, no worries.’ |
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