FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > ignorant question
ignorant question
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know of a sub collared by someone other than than her husband, her submission and ownership by her dom doesn't interfere with her life as a wife
so no reason the opposite situation can't also be true - being owned as a sub doesn't mean you aren't single
Although for someone to handle and understand that dynamic might be hard it is totally understandable. |
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"I know of a sub collared by someone other than than her husband, her submission and ownership by her dom doesn't interfere with her life as a wife
so no reason the opposite situation can't also be true - being owned as a sub doesn't mean you aren't single
Although for someone to handle and understand that dynamic might be hard it is totally understandable."
Does she wear the collar all the time? And how does she explain that away? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know of a sub collared by someone other than than her husband, her submission and ownership by her dom doesn't interfere with her life as a wife
so no reason the opposite situation can't also be true - being owned as a sub doesn't mean you aren't single
Although for someone to handle and understand that dynamic might be hard it is totally understandable.
Does she wear the collar all the time? And how does she explain that away?"
Her husband is fully aware of the situation, as for the collar - when she visits her dom she is collared, collaring and sub 'ownership' can a complicated situation - I dont claim to know all aspects but when she isn't with her dom the collar is is implied |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am single and my dom insists I wear a pearl necklace in my every day life to remind me of my submission to him. The pearl necklace to me is very important, if I don't wear it I don't feel comfortable anymore. Even on meets and in clubs I wear it, the only time I take it off is in the shower or in bed... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of collars are not big leather things with studs.
Most D/s couples that I know have used jewellery of some kind that no-one else would ever question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My collar is on my photos. I have worn it all the time.
Recently due to my breakup I had removed it but find myself needing to still wear it. As its part of me.
A collar isn't always as it sounds my friends is a chain with a jigsaw piece on. As her submission is the missing part of her.
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Most D/s couples that I know have used jewellery of some kind that no-one else would ever question."
But also D/S can occur in a nsa situation too, it doesn't have to be in a relationship, as in my situation. It makes me no less single being sub to my dom. In fact it gives me more confidence in my vanilla life for some reason. I still enjoy swinging; I still go to clubs on my own, I still go to clubs on meets and I still have meets. I am sub as well. |
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Easily. Submission does not have to be about sex, does not have to be with a persons spouse.
A collar can be anything as long as both parties are aware of its significance it's a collar.
My wife wears an anklet with a padlock style heart and my initials on it as her collar as my submissive. Being descreet it has advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes you don't want loads of questions about it when in the vanilla world othertimes it's easier if other Dominants see the collar and know that as a submissive she is collared.
Her wedding ring is the symbol of our marriage and neither is more important than the other for either of us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Most D/s couples that I know have used jewellery of some kind that no-one else would ever question.
But also D/S can occur in a nsa situation too, it doesn't have to be in a relationship, as in my situation. It makes me no less single being sub to my dom. In fact it gives me more confidence in my vanilla life for some reason. I still enjoy swinging; I still go to clubs on my own, I still go to clubs on meets and I still have meets. I am sub as well. "
 The confidence thing is amazing.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow this is a fascinating subject. Does the relationship between a sub and dom EVER break down, for example if the dom's trust is broken? Is there an unwritten contract that both must adhere to or is the dom free to do whatever they please?
Sorry for so many questions but the psychological elements of this relationship is hard for me to relate to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow this is a fascinating subject. Does the relationship between a sub and dom EVER break down, for example if the dom's trust is broken? Is there an unwritten contract that both must adhere to or is the dom free to do whatever they please?
Sorry for so many questions but the psychological elements of this relationship is hard for me to relate to."
Trust is key - if the trust is broken it would be very hard for a proper d/s relationship (be that NSA or Long Term) to survive.
As for what must be adhered to that is completely dependent on the d/s dynamic.
not all couples with a DS element to their lives will be swingers - it will be something just for them, some doms may want to humiliate a sub by fucking multiple partners, some will have multiple subs
the permutations of a d/s relationship are as varied as the dom and sub wish to make them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow this is a fascinating subject. Does the relationship between a sub and dom EVER break down, for example if the dom's trust is broken? Is there an unwritten contract that both must adhere to or is the dom free to do whatever they please?
Sorry for so many questions but the psychological elements of this relationship is hard for me to relate to."
D/s relationships mean different things to different people. It all depends on the individuals involved.
D/s relationships can breakdown like any other relationship, for a multitude of reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I meant after the ground rules are set by both d / s. Can the sub turn round to the dom and say I don't want to play this role any more? Isn't that completely alien to openly disobey an order from the dom? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thanks for all the responses - it is fascinating. I am very keen to learn more."
And don't think of it as ignorant at all, Asking questions is the intelligent thing to do, assuming you know it all (and you can NEVER know it all) is ignorant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I meant after the ground rules are set by both d / s. Can the sub turn round to the dom and say I don't want to play this role any more? Isn't that completely alien to openly disobey an order from the dom?"
it would depend on how/why the defiance came about.
it is perfectly possible to have a bratty defiant sub. if the defiance comes from within the d/s roles the dom would have ways of dealing with that via punishment etc..
if the defiance came from out side of their d/s roles i.e. the dom had pushed the sub too far maybe then the communication and the relationship that dom and sub have/had was maybe not cut out for the type of play they were embarking on....it is a very complicated set of rules/relationships/dynamics that i dont think its easy to understand
from my experience you just make it your own - make sure that what you are doing suits both the dom and the sub and that you dont worry to much about how it SHOULD play out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks Chunky Man for shedding light on it. The psychological element is as fascinating as the sexual side."
Shedding a little light is all I can manage. I am far from an expert but I have learnt a lot and still am learning - I am very happy to share my experiences and advice if it helps other people get into it and enjoy themselves as I have/am doing.
I think at first it can seem intimidating - there are websites that will tell you HOW TO BE A DOM or HOW TO BE A SUB when the truth is its all bollocks - you make of it what you want - and you make sure its SSC , Safe, Sane and Consensual |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes they can. As not every slave is in a relationship with their master in the way most understand relationship to mean.
Cali"
The op said sub , you refer to slave , both very different |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks Chunky Man for shedding light on it. The psychological element is as fascinating as the sexual side.
Shedding a little light is all I can manage. I am far from an expert but I have learnt a lot and still am learning - I am very happy to share my experiences and advice if it helps other people get into it and enjoy themselves as I have/am doing.
I think at first it can seem intimidating - there are websites that will tell you HOW TO BE A DOM or HOW TO BE A SUB when the truth is its all bollocks - you make of it what you want - and you make sure its SSC , Safe, Sane and Consensual "
SSC very old hat we play RACK |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
SSC very old hat we play RACK "
I perfect example of how differnt people view and play when it comes to D/s
I wouldn't say SCC is old hat at all - if you are new to it then SCC is a good starting place as it isn't extreme as play covered by a RACK mentality (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) |
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The D/s relationship is one built on trust and for whatever the reason, whether it is within the confines of the D/s or outwith, the trust is broken it often spells the end of the relationship.
Without trust there can be no D/s relationship... |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
Being sub/dom? There are so many levels, I am sub in the bedroom only, and to me a Dom is someone who know's me, know's my limits, but will however, push them each time we meet (and yes I have even surprised myself at times)
It can be a mixture, between mental control (which is one of the things I meant by surprised me), to actual orders/demands on a variety of things from what to wear, or where to be sitting waiting, remember this is just my take on it all and how I enjoy it, but again there are so many sub levels, from the master/slave full time (not for me)to the bedroom only, but the one thing that is always needed in my opinion is 100% trust, and yes rules/instructions can be agreed upon, and a surprise now and again never hurts anyone - Oops that was a lie, it can, but in a very nice way   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
SSC very old hat we play RACK
I perfect example of how differnt people view and play when it comes to D/s
I wouldn't say SCC is old hat at all - if you are new to it then SCC is a good starting place as it isn't extreme as play covered by a RACK mentality (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) "
it's SSC just saying , RACK isn't about extreme , it's about about identifying risk, and playing with contingencies ! Basic 101 risk assessment ! Where I can agree with you is , most starting off adopt SSC because they have not fully identified , or adopted any form of stratigy to cope with the Risks involved ! |
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By *anSusieCouple
over a year ago
Midlothian |
It realy comes down to commonsense:Have scissors if you play with rope + boltcutters if you play with chains 
W/we not 24/7 but our Master/slave relationship is a big part of our life.Every powerexchange relationship is different + have their own rules.(W/we do like the etiquette @ BDSM events + sharing of ideas + hearing of others rules)
Communication is key like in all relationships to work well.
i love wearing my collars + go instantly in role (i miss beeing slave when we had to much vanilla time)
kinky fun everyone
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes they can. As not every slave is in a relationship with their master in the way most understand relationship to mean.
Cali"
so does that mean when the sub isnt with their master their life becomes their own and they can do what they like, then they go back into sub mode when they are together again?
sorry im rather ignorant to this subject |
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"Yes they can. As not every slave is in a relationship with their master in the way most understand relationship to mean.
Cali
so does that mean when the sub isnt with their master their life becomes their own and they can do what they like, then they go back into sub mode when they are together again?
sorry im rather ignorant to this subject "
That would depend entirely on what is agreed between the people involved.
Each Dom/Sub relationship is tailor made for the individuals involved.
It is usual for the Dom to ask the sub to fill out a checklist of interests or not so you would have for expample:
Anal play, Yes, Soft Limit (Maybe but very cautiously), Hard Limit (Absolute No don't go there) or Not sure.
Typically that will be for a whole host of activities which can also include times and other forms of service. For example some may want a dynamic to include non sexual related things.
Some submissive like to know today x,y & z need doing because they don't want to think about it, they simply want to know if they do x,y & z to the best of their ability their Dom will be happy so all is right in their world.
Some don't want that atall and are only interested in the sexual side of play.
It really is whatever you decide it is.
SSC, RACK whatever as long as no one is getting harmed and everyone concent's does it matter? Again, whatever works. The trick is like anything else research beforehand and play sensibly. Speak to others and go slow.
We have learnt so much about each other it has amazed us. When a submisive gives up all pretences and is able to let go and be completely open and honest, not only with their Dom but with theirselves it opens a lot of things up.
Think of this:
All swingers have weak marriages and need other people to fuck so they can get by, no way can they love each other or be faithful
All D/s couples have a Dom/Domme that likes someone to wait on them hand and foot because their lazy and can't be arsed, they also like to abuse their partner.
Oh and if you are sub you must be weak. 
Those statements are similar in one respect only. Their all bollox. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
so does that mean when the sub isnt with their master their life becomes their own and they can do what they like, then they go back into sub mode when they are together again?
sorry im rather ignorant to this subject "
In my situation, nsa d/s play with a dom from fab, when I am not with him I do what I want, I wear a pearl necklace as a reminder to me that I am his sub and without it on I have to say I don't feel like me. When we are together I am not in sub mode as such as I'm always submissive to him, but I am physically his.
Apart I'm single, have my fun, do who and what I want but I'm still his sub. Does that make sense? |
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Dominant/sub and ownership is completly different to a 'normal' relationship, however it's more common for a male Dom to have a sub and be in a more traditional relationship with her as well. Most female Dommes, especially Pro Dommes have several subs for dominating and keeps it seperate to her sex life and relationships x |
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