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Dominant Males Wanted
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After plenty of playing between us (and when we’ve been lucky the odd extra guy) in this field, we are now on the hunt for a somewhat experienced dom male, to use Soph including ropes, blindfolding, slapping, all within agreed boundaries of course, but we we’re wanting to push these boundaries. Hopefully this might pique some interest, reply in forum or DM… |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Odd dynamic, different people have different expectations.
There are a number of different values and beliefs in play around power exchanges.
Explore the potential with what will become more than a future friend.
Don’t compromise your values and beliefs and make sure boundaries are set and only shift with mutual consent.
Oh, don’t forget to have absolutely stunning fun.
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"After plenty of playing between us (and when we’ve been lucky the odd extra guy) in this field, we are now on the hunt for a somewhat experienced dom male, to use Soph including ropes, blindfolding, slapping, all within agreed boundaries of course, but we we’re wanting to push these boundaries. Hopefully this might pique some interest, reply in forum or DM…"
Best advice I could give here is to join a certain fetish site and look for local munches and kink events and get a feel for the people in the lifestyle. But mostly do your research (verifications, social meets etc) into potential play partners as there are plenty of chances around. Also just because someone is a dom it doesn't necessarily mean they are the right dom for you.
Mr Hayes.
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"After plenty of playing between us (and when we’ve been lucky the odd extra guy) in this field, we are now on the hunt for a somewhat experienced dom male, to use Soph including ropes, blindfolding, slapping, all within agreed boundaries of course, but we we’re wanting to push these boundaries. Hopefully this might pique some interest, reply in forum or DM…"
Watching this with interest!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many guys on here don’t know the difference between being a dominant and just being dominant! "
So very true. Goes for the kink sites too. The 25yo masters make me giggle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many guys on here don’t know the difference between being a dominant and just being dominant!
So very true. Goes for the kink sites too. The 25yo masters make me giggle. "
I just can’t take them seriously! I can tell in about two messages who’s a dom and who’s a fake! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many guys on here don’t know the difference between being a dominant and just being dominant!
So very true. Goes for the kink sites too. The 25yo masters make me giggle.
I just can’t take them seriously! I can tell in about two messages who’s a dom and who’s a fake! "
I bet they don't take kindly to being called fakes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many guys on here don’t know the difference between being a dominant and just being dominant!
So very true. Goes for the kink sites too. The 25yo masters make me giggle.
I just can’t take them seriously! I can tell in about two messages who’s a dom and who’s a fake!
I bet they don't take kindly to being called fakes "
I’m slightly more tactful usually  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So many guys on here don’t know the difference between being a dominant and just being dominant!
So very true. Goes for the kink sites too. The 25yo masters make me giggle.
I just can’t take them seriously! I can tell in about two messages who’s a dom and who’s a fake!
I bet they don't take kindly to being called fakes
I’m slightly more tactful usually "
Oh. Well erm yes. Course. Me too!  |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
A few thought on my part.
It seems to me that this is a topping situation and not a D/S situation. Therefore a suitably skilled person is required and not necessarily a dominant.
It is an often repeated statement that domination does not necessarily mean being skilled in the sensory arts.
I would not suggest the other site as you will have the same problem in assessing anyone who applies. You have a far larger pool of people, but a larger amount of people who will be wrong. Whereas, assessing anyone on Fab you can use the verification system and reach out to anyone put forward as a reference.
In terms of the criticism of "wannabe Dom's", the same applies to "wannabe subs" that see dominantion as a vending machine of delights, rather than a relationship of mutual respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few thought on my part.
It seems to me that this is a topping situation and not a D/S situation. Therefore a suitably skilled person is required and not necessarily a dominant.
It is an often repeated statement that domination does not necessarily mean being skilled in the sensory arts.
I would not suggest the other site as you will have the same problem in assessing anyone who applies. You have a far larger pool of people, but a larger amount of people who will be wrong. Whereas, assessing anyone on Fab you can use the verification system and reach out to anyone put forward as a reference.
In terms of the criticism of "wannabe Dom's", the same applies to "wannabe subs" that see dominantion as a vending machine of delights, rather than a relationship of mutual respect."
I agree with you about subs. I've done a bit of mentoring (not that I am an expert) and that attitude is equally as pervasive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A few thought on my part.
It seems to me that this is a topping situation and not a D/S situation. Therefore a suitably skilled person is required and not necessarily a dominant.
It is an often repeated statement that domination does not necessarily mean being skilled in the sensory arts.
I would not suggest the other site as you will have the same problem in assessing anyone who applies. You have a far larger pool of people, but a larger amount of people who will be wrong. Whereas, assessing anyone on Fab you can use the verification system and reach out to anyone put forward as a reference.
In terms of the criticism of "wannabe Dom's", the same applies to "wannabe subs" that see dominantion as a vending machine of delights, rather than a relationship of mutual respect.
I agree with you about subs. I've done a bit of mentoring (not that I am an expert) and that attitude is equally as pervasive. "
A good collection of points, I think the confidence to recognise where / who is exploring or having high communication about all sorts helps so much more than just saying ‘I am XYZ’ etc, particularly for a specific kink / scene / fantasy. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"A few thought on my part.
It seems to me that this is a topping situation and not a D/S situation. Therefore a suitably skilled person is required and not necessarily a dominant.
It is an often repeated statement that domination does not necessarily mean being skilled in the sensory arts.
I would not suggest the other site as you will have the same problem in assessing anyone who applies. You have a far larger pool of people, but a larger amount of people who will be wrong. Whereas, assessing anyone on Fab you can use the verification system and reach out to anyone put forward as a reference.
In terms of the criticism of "wannabe Dom's", the same applies to "wannabe subs" that see dominantion as a vending machine of delights, rather than a relationship of mutual respect.
I agree with you about subs. I've done a bit of mentoring (not that I am an expert) and that attitude is equally as pervasive.
A good collection of points, I think the confidence to recognise where / who is exploring or having high communication about all sorts helps so much more than just saying ‘I am XYZ’ etc, particularly for a specific kink / scene / fantasy. "
I agree. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"A few thought on my part.
It seems to me that this is a topping situation and not a D/S situation. Therefore a suitably skilled person is required and not necessarily a dominant.
It is an often repeated statement that domination does not necessarily mean being skilled in the sensory arts.
I would not suggest the other site as you will have the same problem in assessing anyone who applies. You have a far larger pool of people, but a larger amount of people who will be wrong. Whereas, assessing anyone on Fab you can use the verification system and reach out to anyone put forward as a reference.
In terms of the criticism of "wannabe Dom's", the same applies to "wannabe subs" that see dominantion as a vending machine of delights, rather than a relationship of mutual respect.
I agree with you about subs. I've done a bit of mentoring (not that I am an expert) and that attitude is equally as pervasive. "
It is similar to the attitude of some male subs that watch porn and think all Dommes are about pegging, or sexual play.
The growing concept in rope at the moment is "active bottoming" this means the rope bottom/model/ bunny educate themselves about rope skills to know whether the rope top is doing the right thing. It is not about becoming a rigger (although some rope bottoms are brilliant riggers) but it is educating themselves about what they want from a rope experience.This also involves understanding their bodies and how they process feelings and sensation when in rope So the play becomes a shared experience. |
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My partner is a Dom and I have two male Dom friends.The other fetish page as some suggest would be of use on this and has pages within for this.
I’m lucky mine is a roper and a bdsm Dom but I’m sure you will find similar near you
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I can only echo what others have already said about Fet. That's more of a social network than a hook up site, although it is possible to meet people on there, especially if you go to a munch.
The key is to understand that there are so many levels to D/S play - what do you actually want? Impact play? What kind? Rope play? Again, what kind? Do you want to be humiliated or degraded? Do you want to be a sl*ve, owned by a Master? Do you want a power exchange? Or do you just want your ass spanked?
Only you can answer those questions and probably only by trying a few things out and testing your boundaries.
If you have a local club which has BDSM or fetish nights, that could be another way to do some research. You don't have to play, you can just watch and talk to some of the real Doms there.
But remember, above all else, it's about you and what you want. You give your consent to a Dom on the unspoken understanding that he will facilitate you in meeting your needs. He is an enabler, it's not about him, and you can withdraw your consent at any time. That's why the Sub has the real power in the relationship.
PM me if you want to chat more. I'm too far away to help you personally but I'm happy to offer guidance.
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"I can only echo what others have already said about Fet. That's more of a social network than a hook up site, although it is possible to meet people on there, especially if you go to a munch.
The key is to understand that there are so many levels to D/S play - what do you actually want? Impact play? What kind? Rope play? Again, what kind? Do you want to be humiliated or degraded? Do you want to be a sl*ve, owned by a Master? Do you want a power exchange? Or do you just want your ass spanked?
Only you can answer those questions and probably only by trying a few things out and testing your boundaries.
If you have a local club which has BDSM or fetish nights, that could be another way to do some research. You don't have to play, you can just watch and talk to some of the real Doms there.
But remember, above all else, it's about you and what you want. You give your consent to a Dom on the unspoken understanding that he will facilitate you in meeting your needs. He is an enabler, it's not about him, and you can withdraw your consent at any time. That's why the Sub has the real power in the relationship.
PM me if you want to chat more. I'm too far away to help you personally but I'm happy to offer guidance.
"
Couldn't put it better myself 
The sub is and always be in charge as they allow the dom to do what they want to them. A very good Dom will push the boundaries to its limits without ever going over them (those limits might change over time).
It is very hard a find and it is also a lot about trust so not something you acheive on a first meet. it needs time to mature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmm. I'm going against the grain here. I don't think the sub holds all the power. It's a two way relationship. We negotiate what my limits are, but the dominant also specifies what he's comfortable with. Either can stop play. |
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"Hmm. I'm going against the grain here. I don't think the sub holds all the power. It's a two way relationship. We negotiate what my limits are, but the dominant also specifies what he's comfortable with. Either can stop play. "
Agree with this entirely - hence the underlying notion of power *exchange*. |
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"Hmm. I'm going against the grain here. I don't think the sub holds all the power. It's a two way relationship. We negotiate what my limits are, but the dominant also specifies what he's comfortable with. Either can stop play. "
Totally agree, if as a sub I have all the power if something goes wrong is it all my fault? No it is not. It should be a mutual agreement between two consenting adults.
Plus Tops/Dom's need aftercare and can suffer drops as much as a sub. Submissive doesn't mean door mat neither does it mean do what I want with no thought or care for their Dom.
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Hmm. I'm going against the grain here. I don't think the sub holds all the power. It's a two way relationship. We negotiate what my limits are, but the dominant also specifies what he's comfortable with. Either can stop play. "
I agree with much of sterob's comments but I agree with you on this point.
People confuse the right to control what happens to one's body with control of the relationship. D/S is about power exchange it is an agreed and consensual power exchange which both the Dom and Sub get what they need out of the power exchange.
So I do what I do because it pleases me, and if I have negotiated correctly and chosen the right submissive/bottom it will please them. I don't do it to please the sub, that is service topping or being topped from the bottom.
I do think the "sub is in control" principle is meant to as a positive statement from the historic treatment of submissives. However modern thinking accepts that most submissives need a relationship with a dominant/top to be able to express their submission. Being in control of the relationship is not (what I would suggest) submission is about, whereas control of their own body and what is allowed to be done to them is part of submissive's control.
As you point out, as dominant I can end the relationship, scene or transaction at any point as well. So it should be a relationship of mutual benefit.
I would add that is my view and people are entitled to their own views.
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We are a Dom/sub couple who are 24/7 D/s, it's a shame that we are outside your age range as S is a very experienced dominant, we love playing with D/s couples and single submissive females. We wish you well in your search.
k |
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