FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > If you have Incecurities can it even work?
If you have Incecurities can it even work?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think everyone has insecurities. I think if you find the right person or couple and you share thenm, maybe have a laugh anout them they can be put to rest. Failing that a bottle of champagne and a straw  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if people firstly understand their insecurities or what drives them, and can then talk about them comfortably, that’s the baseline. If they don’t recognise negative behaviours stemming from insecurities on a regular basis, I’d consider if you should be meeting them generally speaking unless it’s a long term partner or friend etc. depends on the relationship - always good to talk openly and be upfront I think  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think everyone has insecurities. I think if you find the right person or couple and you share thenm, maybe have a laugh anout them they can be put to rest. Failing that a bottle of champagne and a straw "
Loads of women in clubs are falling down d*unk. The men are quite happy to fuck women who aren't properly aware of what they are doing. Great fun.  |
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"I think everyone has insecurities. I think if you find the right person or couple and you share thenm, maybe have a laugh anout them they can be put to rest. Failing that a bottle of champagne and a straw "
Champagne and a straw hahahaha!!! |
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It depends on the insecurity
If a couple are insecure about their relationship then swinging isnt the right thing to to.
If it's body insecurity then that can be worked on I think. However sometimes rejections etc aren't great for low self esteem here. |
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OK so more specifically
How do women deal with men choosing women that either look better than them or have better bodies. And we can all be honest about if someone is better looking than someone else!!!
And also how do men deal with that scenario? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK so more specifically
How do women deal with men choosing women that either look better than them or have better bodies. And we can all be honest about if someone is better looking than someone else!!!
And also how do men deal with that scenario?"
Just fuck really ugly people who are crap shags. The partner shouldn't be enjoying the sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OK so more specifically
How do women deal with men choosing women that either look better than them or have better bodies. And we can all be honest about if someone is better looking than someone else!!!
And also how do men deal with that scenario?"
The point is, they shagged that hot person and had fun... but they are coming home to *you*.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jealous arguments from irate insecure people are also good fun at meets. "
I had a husband go all jealous when i was seeing to his wife on a couples meet. Went into a rage..that was great fu  |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"OK so more specifically
How do women deal with men choosing women that either look better than them or have better bodies. And we can all be honest about if someone is better looking than someone else!!!
And also how do men deal with that scenario?"
It would be irrelevant when you're love for each other is unconditional |
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"OK so more specifically
How do women deal with men choosing women that either look better than them or have better bodies. And we can all be honest about if someone is better looking than someone else!!!
And also how do men deal with that scenario?"
Do you mean the male in a couple choosing a woman you believe is better looking?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jealous arguments from irate insecure people are also good fun at meets.
I had a husband go all jealous when i was seeing to his wife on a couples meet. Went into a rage..that was great fu "
 |
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"OK so more specifically
How do women deal with men choosing women that either look better than them or have better bodies. And we can all be honest about if someone is better looking than someone else!!!
And also how do men deal with that scenario?
Do you mean the male in a couple choosing a woman you believe is better looking?
"
Yeah this!!!!!!! |
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There is not many people in this world who don't have any. And sometimes it's only in certain situations or because of certain triggers. If people didn't swing with some insecurities clubs would be pretty empty. It's not so much about having no insecurities it's more about how you handle them, work through them and hopefully get over them. |
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Yes.
It's rare in life and, particularly in relationships, not to have some uncertainty and insecurities. Wether these are more generalised, or very specific, can influence how we evaluate our choices and our subsequent decisions and behaviour.
If, fundamentally within a relationship, there are potential conflicting issues that mean that it's wiser to address those, so that the relationship has the greatest potential for building success, then most people would put aside swinging, whilst they address those.
But most of us get to the grave, with some imperfections, things we never managed to fully solve etc. Sometimes we take life as work in progress. We prefer to face some challenges as we go. We take some calculated risks.
It's never worth jeopardising a relationship, just to ensure that you can experience swinging though.
There are typically lots of ways that we can address many things. Communication improvess within a relationship is always a more sound and appropriate focus that we can build trust and understanding together.
Ultimately, our paths will be driven by our motivations and objectives. Swinging isn't the way, if we aren't each right for it. Sometimes it's also about things being at the right time for us. |
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I think it depends on what those insecurities are and how well you both communicate
For example if you were insecure about seeing him with another woman I think it would be extreme not unfair on another woman to invite them into a situation where you may decide half way through you can't handle things
If your insecure about wether your relationship can withstand swinging, don't rush things, my husband and I spoke about things for 3yrs before anything happened as we had slight concerns etc
I think as long as you continually talk to your partner you'll be fine but as I said I wouldn't invite anyone new into your bed until your both ready, it's not fair for them to be part of your experiments |
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"There is not many people in this world who don't have any. And sometimes it's only in certain situations or because of certain triggers. If people didn't swing with some insecurities clubs would be pretty empty. It's not so much about having no insecurities it's more about how you handle them, work through them and hopefully get over them. "
Thats lovely |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Opinions vary on who is more attractive surely. Someone insecure when compared with another will assume that the other is more attractive though the other may not see it. For us we've had 2 threesomes and intend to have more though we adore each other and the third in each situation, neither would say is more attractive than each other yet the attraction is partly because they are someone new changing the dynamic of our relationship for a little time.
r cannot see and so has no means to consider if another is more attractive than him and it doesn't seem to effect him. Expect it comes down to the fact that we have faith in our relationship and if we didn't then we wouldn't invite anyone to join us. HTH |
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"There is not many people in this world who don't have any. And sometimes it's only in certain situations or because of certain triggers. If people didn't swing with some insecurities clubs would be pretty empty. It's not so much about having no insecurities it's more about how you handle them, work through them and hopefully get over them. "
This is so true! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In all honesty, I had quite a few insecurities before joining the fab world and dipping our toes in.. what i will say now... 3 years on...is I now, don't have many. If anything, I have became so much more comfortable in my body and mind. I have learned to love myself more than I ever thought I could and I have so much more confidence now!
Everyones body is different, what some people love, others dislike. That's OK. I have learned that having small boobs, isn't as big a turn off as I thought.. infact, there's a lot of men and women love them... that was a big insecurity,now I embrace my lil boobies!
We all have insecurities, it's learning how to deal with them. Once you have... the only way is up!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll also add... the thought of my hubby with another woman horrified me this time 3 years ago.... now I have seen it... I love it!! When we get alone time...the sex is so intense and super hot after a meet!
I had insecurities then, now that I have addressed and accepted them, I am having the best experiences!! |
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By *ubal1Man
over a year ago
Newry Down |
Before a couple begin to swing they need to have communicated honestly and openly what they expect from their experiences and what the limitations are; for example: always with a condom; whether DP or DVP is acceptable; an agreed exit code if the meet isn't successful, etc.
They need to be secure both interpersonally and intrapersonally; secure within themselves and between them as a couple who have a mutual interest in NSA sex with another like-minded couple, or a group event.
Everyone has some little aspect of their anatomy or personality that they are not completely comfortable with, but communication is the key.
It is also desirable that couples play, at the very outset, with people of a similar level of experience, and progress from there.
Fundamental differences in expectations or a failing relationship is not a situation in which to be considering swinging. |
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My husband and I have been doing this for many years now, we dip in and out of it. The vast majority of the time we both love it, and enjoy it together but there has been once or twice where he has showed me a profile he thought looks interesting and the jealous red mist has come over me, I recognise now that it’s only at times where I have stuff going on with me, maybe I’m going through a bad time or unhappy with my weight, we take time out, and come back when I’m feeling myself again x |
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Communication, communication, communication, I think others have already put it clearer than I can but in my own personal experience the best think you can do is to talk about it, run through senarios with each other about what emotions may come up, before, during and after.
Don't rush into it, when finding a 3rd person make sure they are aware you are new to it, that you may have some hesitations and that there may be a few "false starts" go for a social or two or three with the same person and wait until it feels right. Talk to each other after every meet openly and honestly.
There's no point in risking what you already have only to find out that it won't work for you.
But, it can also add another whole new dimension to your relationship and also bring you alot closer together too!!
Have a Google of "Compersion" if you've not heard of it before too
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"Can people swing or even just have a 3some if they have some insecurities?
Is it just something they shouldn't do or should they have some rules or what"
Understanding each others insecurities as a couple and talking about them is so important when it comes to swinging....example with us.
I (fem) have a mum bod after having 5 children, and just want to put it out there before any horrible comments come..its not a bucket! Lol...anyway iv never been a size 8 or even a 12..I hate by tummy area so much! That means we wouldn't play with a lady of small proportions and pert tips and thats something we are both OK with.
My hubby isn't happy about the size of his cock and his dad bod...I'm more than happy with them but that's his insecuritys and I respect that so we wouldn't play with a perfect body and huge cocknand again we are both OK with that.
It's about making sure that you are both happy and understand how the other feels. Communication and honesty is key. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on the person
I'm insecure but once I start getting into it and comfortable my insecurities seem to fade away
Being insecure about my weight or body has never stopped me from doing anything sexually |
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"It depends on the insecurity
If a couple are insecure about their relationship then swinging isnt the right thing to to.
If it's body insecurity then that can be worked on I think. However sometimes rejections etc aren't great for low self esteem here. "
Agree with this definitely. If the insecurity is about the relationship then it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on what their insecure about, I have no insecurities about my relationship, however my own body I do, this doesn't prevent me meeting or have any affect on our lifestyle, if anything it helps and has built my confidence if only slightly.
Mrs |
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"Can people swing or even just have a 3some if they have some insecurities?
Is it just something they shouldn't do or should they have some rules or what"
Almost everyone has some kind of insecurity.
if the insecurity is, my oartner will prefer the additional person) maybe try having a 3sum a little further afield and see how it settles with you both. |
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"OK so more specifically
How do women deal with men choosing women that either look better than them or have better bodies. And we can all be honest about if someone is better looking than someone else!!!
And also how do men deal with that scenario?
The point is, they shagged that hot person and had fun... but they are coming home to *you*. "
....and that's swinging |
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"Can people swing or even just have a 3some if they have some insecurities?
Is it just something they shouldn't do or should they have some rules or what
Understanding each others insecurities as a couple and talking about them is so important when it comes to swinging....example with us.
I (fem) have a mum bod after having 5 children, and just want to put it out there before any horrible comments come..its not a bucket! Lol...anyway iv never been a size 8 or even a 12..I hate by tummy area so much! That means we wouldn't play with a lady of small proportions and pert tips and thats something we are both OK with.
My hubby isn't happy about the size of his cock and his dad bod...I'm more than happy with them but that's his insecuritys and I respect that so we wouldn't play with a perfect body and huge cocknand again we are both OK with that.
It's about making sure that you are both happy and understand how the other feels. Communication and honesty is key. "
I really appreciate this response, it's something I was thinking and wondering if I was being outrageous or something having these let's say rules on who you chose, but if it works for you then thats amazing and I love that |
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"In all honesty, I had quite a few insecurities before joining the fab world and dipping our toes in.. what i will say now... 3 years on...is I now, don't have many. If anything, I have became so much more comfortable in my body and mind. I have learned to love myself more than I ever thought I could and I have so much more confidence now!
Everyones body is different, what some people love, others dislike. That's OK. I have learned that having small boobs, isn't as big a turn off as I thought.. infact, there's a lot of men and women love them... that was a big insecurity,now I embrace my lil boobies!
We all have insecurities, it's learning how to deal with them. Once you have... the only way is up!! "
Awwe lovely! |
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"Can people swing or even just have a 3some if they have some insecurities?
Is it just something they shouldn't do or should they have some rules or what
Understanding each others insecurities as a couple and talking about them is so important when it comes to swinging....example with us.
I (fem) have a mum bod after having 5 children, and just want to put it out there before any horrible comments come..its not a bucket! Lol...anyway iv never been a size 8 or even a 12..I hate by tummy area so much! That means we wouldn't play with a lady of small proportions and pert tips and thats something we are both OK with.
My hubby isn't happy about the size of his cock and his dad bod...I'm more than happy with them but that's his insecuritys and I respect that so we wouldn't play with a perfect body and huge cocknand again we are both OK with that.
It's about making sure that you are both happy and understand how the other feels. Communication and honesty is key.
I really appreciate this response, it's something I was thinking and wondering if I was being outrageous or something having these let's say rules on who you chose, but if it works for you then thats amazing and I love that "
We are a couple who are mad about each other and always making sure that the other is happy and comfortable in any situation not just swinging, we decide on everything together and the same goes for swinging. It's so important that you have rules between the both of you and that they are talked about with whoever is invited to play and if the rules are broken by the 3rd party then the play stops..its simple, alot of people don't see the dynamics of a couple when it comes to sex and they are invited..some forget that we are very much in love and will look after each other during play...and that even comes down to messages that we recieve..if they are down right vile and just to much graphic detail about what he wants to do with me (fem) they are told to back off by hubby...and thats something again that we talked about..thats not the kind of msges we want but as for body insecurities it will only work if your totally open and honest about who you both would play with based on how you both feel..and remember it's your relationship so rules are a must from msging to meeting and even afterwords. |
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"Can people swing or even just have a 3some if they have some insecurities?
Is it just something they shouldn't do or should they have some rules or what
Understanding each others insecurities as a couple and talking about them is so important when it comes to swinging....example with us.
I (fem) have a mum bod after having 5 children, and just want to put it out there before any horrible comments come..its not a bucket! Lol...anyway iv never been a size 8 or even a 12..I hate by tummy area so much! That means we wouldn't play with a lady of small proportions and pert tips and thats something we are both OK with.
My hubby isn't happy about the size of his cock and his dad bod...I'm more than happy with them but that's his insecuritys and I respect that so we wouldn't play with a perfect body and huge cocknand again we are both OK with that.
It's about making sure that you are both happy and understand how the other feels. Communication and honesty is key.
I really appreciate this response, it's something I was thinking and wondering if I was being outrageous or something having these let's say rules on who you chose, but if it works for you then thats amazing and I love that
We are a couple who are mad about each other and always making sure that the other is happy and comfortable in any situation not just swinging, we decide on everything together and the same goes for swinging. It's so important that you have rules between the both of you and that they are talked about with whoever is invited to play and if the rules are broken by the 3rd party then the play stops..its simple, alot of people don't see the dynamics of a couple when it comes to sex and they are invited..some forget that we are very much in love and will look after each other during play...and that even comes down to messages that we recieve..if they are down right vile and just to much graphic detail about what he wants to do with me (fem) they are told to back off by hubby...and thats something again that we talked about..thats not the kind of msges we want but as for body insecurities it will only work if your totally open and honest about who you both would play with based on how you both feel..and remember it's your relationship so rules are a must from msging to meeting and even afterwords."
Thank you!!! Appreciate you taking the time out xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In all honesty, I had quite a few insecurities before joining the fab world and dipping our toes in.. what i will say now... 3 years on...is I now, don't have many. If anything, I have became so much more comfortable in my body and mind. I have learned to love myself more than I ever thought I could and I have so much more confidence now!
Everyones body is different, what some people love, others dislike. That's OK. I have learned that having small boobs, isn't as big a turn off as I thought.. infact, there's a lot of men and women love them... that was a big insecurity,now I embrace my lil boobies!
We all have insecurities, it's learning how to deal with them. Once you have... the only way is up!! "
This! I've become more confident and comfortable too |
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