FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Fabs is hardwork!
Fabs is hardwork!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sadly, after months of sending endless messages and getting very few responses and no meetings, I’m struggling to get anything from the site.
I don’t think my approach is bad and I know I’m too forward or disrespectful with messages on here but something must not be right as I’m yet to get any lasting conversations when I do get the odd response so it seems being offered a meeting must be as rare as having your numbers come up on the lottery.
’m slowly running out of people local to me to message but why is it so hard to find a connection with someone for some mutual fun? |
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I can't answer your question but I do know you're not alone, a lot of men say the same  .
Would it help if you took a break from looking for meets and just generally chatted on the forum or in the chat rooms? |
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OP, you have a veri from attending a swingers club. And from that veri, it sounds as if it wasn't your first time. I'd suggest putting more effort at making connections at the club, letting your personality shine through.
Post on forum threads for the events, see who else is going, try making connections that way? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have a lot of fun with clubs in the past but I did grow disappointed with them. It would seem that it’s easy to be more anonymous guy that talks with a few people at a club than to become one of the regular faces although I am confident around groups of people.
My profile does need work if it’s being read in a negative manner although how I’m not sure?
I always send clear face and clothed full body photos but my replies normally consist of quick judgments… could it be that because I won’t send risqué messages or flash my body parts that these snap decisions are made?
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"I have a lot of fun with clubs in the past but I did grow disappointed with them. It would seem that it’s easy to be more anonymous guy that talks with a few people at a club than to become one of the regular faces although I am confident around groups of people.
My profile does need work if it’s being read in a negative manner although how I’m not sure?
I always send clear face and clothed full body photos but my replies normally consist of quick judgments… could it be that because I won’t send risqué messages or flash my body parts that these snap decisions are made?
"
Have you been going to the right clubs and often enough? Yes, we get it, club memberships and/or entry prices can be a lot. But don't expect to become a regular if you only go to a club once in a while. It takes some footwork, but also getting to know the right people and a little bit of luck (we are talking from our own experience).
Have you tried organised socials?
Fab can be a lot of hit and miss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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op people will tell you this n that but there is only one problem for you and that is competition and thats your only problem for every woman and couple there are 100 to 200 men ...and those simple maths will tell you only a few per 100/200 will get meets unless your bi/gay then sausage fest awaits you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have been off the club scene for a few years due to being in a vanilla relationship.
I used to love the clubs but grew tired of never having much in the way of repeat meetings. Too many times I’ve come back from a club with the feeling that I was just used were I dearly want to find someone to team up with and explore our sexuality together.
The vanilla relationships are great with the normal dating but I feel the years of going to clubs might have tailored me into having trouble with the more tame aspects of vanilla life.
I guess once you’ve indulged that you’ll crave that swinger lifestyle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been off the club scene for a few years due to being in a vanilla relationship.
I used to love the clubs but grew tired of never having much in the way of repeat meetings. Too many times I’ve come back from a club with the feeling that I was just used were I dearly want to find someone to team up with and explore our sexuality together.
The vanilla relationships are great with the normal dating but I feel the years of going to clubs might have tailored me into having trouble with the more tame aspects of vanilla life.
I guess once you’ve indulged that you’ll crave that swinger lifestyle."
then what your looking for is even harder with so few women looking for the same ... i guess all toy can do is plug away ...but at a guess clubs will still be your best bet ....all the guys we meet regular have come from the club scene ober the last 28 years and thats 5 guys who we consider good friends with benifits ...
if your looking for a relationship that will include swinging then again it has to be clubs as its a more face to face enviroment ..even thou im not a beliver of these types of relationships as i feel you have to be in love first before the swing side but saying that some do susceed but for everyone that susceeds there are many many more that dont work |
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For what it's worth OP, I think your profile looks ok and just work on your opening message. It just needs to stand out from the rest of the one liners/dross/obscene messages the fill the ladies inboxes.
So read her profile, check you are what she's after and then make sure your message shows you have read it. Make it light hearted, humorous and a bit random with some appropriate compliments. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For what it's worth OP, I think your profile looks ok and just work on your opening message. It just needs to stand out from the rest of the one liners/dross/obscene messages the fill the ladies inboxes.
So read her profile, check you are what she's after and then make sure your message shows you have read it. Make it light hearted, humorous and a bit random with some appropriate compliments."
The thing is that I always do read all profiles and the verifications so that I can build an impression of what that person is like before I message.
I try to always tailor any messages paying attention to using the silly instruction words that people ask to be used as a header but alas I’m
just not photogenic and women would much rather chat to someone who’s profile is full of spunky cocks next to deodorant cans! 
I think some people are under the impression that by being on here it’s going to be like being a kid in a sweet shop but really, the reality is that it’s more like trying to bash your head against a wall. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your profile picture looks ok and interesting but then you only have one rather poor quality public picture.
A lot of attraction is with the eye so upload some decent pictures.
You state that you’re looking for regular.
That would put us off but not everyone of course. |
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"
I try to always tailor any messages paying attention to using the silly instruction words that people ask to be used as a header but alas I’m
just not photogenic and women would much rather chat to someone who’s profile is full of spunky cocks next to deodorant cans!
"
Hard disagree on this. I often don’t even ask for pics because attitude and personality are generally what makes meets great.
Also I’m pretty sure I can say on behalf of most women, we do not want to see any cock compared to a deodorant can or tv remote or can… or anything else for that matter! lol |
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OP, you seem to be quite negative in all your responses to people trying to help you. Sounds like you're fed up with Fab and can only see the bad things.
How about taking a break from it? You don't have to delete your profile, but you can hide it? |
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By *sBlueWoman
over a year ago
Up North |
"For what it's worth OP, I think your profile looks ok and just work on your opening message. It just needs to stand out from the rest of the one liners/dross/obscene messages the fill the ladies inboxes.
So read her profile, check you are what she's after and then make sure your message shows you have read it. Make it light hearted, humorous and a bit random with some appropriate compliments.
The thing is that I always do read all profiles and the verifications so that I can build an impression of what that person is like before I message.
I try to always tailor any messages paying attention to using the silly instruction words that people ask to be used as a header but alas I’m
just not photogenic and women would much rather chat to someone who’s profile is full of spunky cocks next to deodorant cans!
I think some people are under the impression that by being on here it’s going to be like being a kid in a sweet shop but really, the reality is that it’s more like trying to bash your head against a wall."
I you though women would be gagging for it your mistaken. Maybe fab not for you. |
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"op people will tell you this n that but there is only one problem for you and that is competition and thats your only problem for every woman and couple there are 100 to 200 men ...and those simple maths will tell you only a few per 100/200 will get meets unless your bi/gay then sausage fest awaits you"
Sausage fest  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Your profile picture looks ok and interesting but then you only have one rather poor quality public picture.
A lot of attraction is with the eye so upload some decent pictures. "
That poor quality public photo has got some “fabs” although mostly from guys that are hoping to find some “straight” cock….. but I’d much rather be using Fabs to meet women.
I have always thought that the best approach with photos is to send clear face and a well dressed full body photo with a message that’s respectable and straightforward.
I certainly don’t have many decent naked or topless shots nor would I send any unasked for dick pics.
I’m just wondering what I can do to tailor my messages and profile as to get some interest from the site and but I guess I’m always going to be let down by my choice of photos.
The close up
Don’t want to be one of them pushy guys but I really have tried to put lots of effort in over the years but I’m just getting nothing back. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ll upload some more photos as it seems that my current ones are rubbish and not selling me that well.
I’ve always struggled online as the art of the good selfie is something I’ve never been good at so I really try to make an effort with messages but it seems that for most people, it’s the visual that they first look for, even if their profile states they prefer to chat to people & actually get to know them.  |
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By *jonesMan
over a year ago
Plymouth |
"Get yourself to socials or a club, meet people face to face, your swinging world will change.
absolutely and get some spikey gloves as well."
Go to socials
Go to socials
Meet lots of people .,, simples |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have a quick look online at how to take a selfie or another method is to take a video and then screen shot a snap where you think your look ok.
A polite message though with a face picture and something to show your body type would usually get a response from us. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"Have a quick look online at how to take a selfie or another method is to take a video and then screen shot a snap where you think your look ok.
A polite message though with a face picture and something to show your body type would usually get a response from us. "
Yes to the above. even a close up of your eyes and smile work. |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
Nothing worth having should be easy...
My experience of Fab was that I had to put a lot of effort into staying in touch with people, get to as many socials as possible, and that did lead to success.
Dipping in occasionally, as I do these days, doesn't work because I don't stand out enough from the background throng of single men. I accept this, my life is different now.
OP, my suggestion is to commit to it with as much positivity as you can muster. It will be hard....but eventually it will be wet as well!
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
As others have said, socials (pure socials instead of attending clubs) might be a good thing for you, especially when your profile reads like you're looking for a relationship asich a swinging situation.
If you are looking for more than a swinging hook up, personally I'd suggest adding more to your profile about who you are as a person not just from a sex/swinging/kink point of view.
I'd personally drop the 3rd paragraph, you don't need to say something that you can show purely from behaviour.
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
Yes it is hard work….
Yes people don’t just drop their underwear for you…
Yes you have to invest time, have patience, have some social skills….
Yes you have to work out ways to sell yourself better and give people a reason as to why they should meet you over a.n.other
The site gives you the tools to make it work.. and gives you the avenues to explore
Everything else is on you……. |
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"It's not the site that makes it hard work. Fab doesn't suit everyone. Try something else. "
Yes, it's just another way to get to know people and have a bit of a chat/message so it's not really that hard. It's like going to the pub and having a chat (though there are more naked pics and less beer on here compared to the pub...) |
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If most women are similar to me, I'm very particular who i want to meet and get put off easily by certain things in profiles so I wouldn't take it too personally if people don't want to talk back.women can get way more messages than men, sometimes in their 100s |
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"For what it's worth OP, I think your profile looks ok and just work on your opening message. It just needs to stand out from the rest of the one liners/dross/obscene messages the fill the ladies inboxes.
So read her profile, check you are what she's after and then make sure your message shows you have read it. Make it light hearted, humorous and a bit random with some appropriate compliments."
Love this well said |
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By *akie32Man
over a year ago
winchester |
alot of people mself included use fab as a way of keeping in touch with people, i dont think of it as a way of meeting people, thats what clubs and socials are for, so maybe try that, or start another i cant get a meet thread like everyone else eho wont put the effort in, your choice op, anyway best of luck
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By *jb773Man
over a year ago
Bishops Stortford |
"Sadly, after months of sending endless messages and getting very few responses and no meetings, I’m struggling to get anything from the site.
I don’t think my approach is bad and I know I’m too forward or disrespectful with messages on here but something must not be right as I’m yet to get any lasting conversations when I do get the odd response so it seems being offered a meeting must be as rare as having your numbers come up on the lottery.
’m slowly running out of people local to me to message but why is it so hard to find a connection with someone for some mutual fun?"
I'm in the same boat, I've been on fab for a couple of years now and have had zero luck meeting women.
My profile has been rewritten multiple times and i have put most of my non face pics to friends only. Most of my messages are either deleted, just read or completely ignored (though i know why that often happens). |
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By *jb773Man
over a year ago
Bishops Stortford |
"If most women are similar to me, I'm very particular who i want to meet and get put off easily by certain things in profiles so I wouldn't take it too personally if people don't want to talk back.women can get way more messages than men, sometimes in their 100s "
What puts you off certain profiles, i would like to know |
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Most people are not compatible with most other people, so it's realistic to have to assess, communicate with and reject very many more people than you ever decide to meet. Even if meeting, some of those won't be a match.
Your expectations have to assume this, or else they are not realistic. |
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You have to accept the chances of you getting a meet are almost impossible, no matter how good your profile is, though there's always that slim chance, so you just have to keep plugging away. I've had one meet in the last 12 years, so it can be done. You just have to be patient. I'll probably never get another, but I keep trying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly, after months of sending endless messages and getting very few responses and no meetings, I’m struggling to get anything from the site.
I don’t think my approach is bad and I know I’m too forward or disrespectful with messages on here but something must not be right as I’m yet to get any lasting conversations when I do get the odd response so it seems being offered a meeting must be as rare as having your numbers come up on the lottery.
’m slowly running out of people local to me to message but why is it so hard to find a connection with someone for some mutual fun?"
I'm feeling exactly the same! Probably for slightly different reasons but I find it so incredibly frustrating having to filter through all the messages and potentially genuine ones getting lost in my inbox. I do feel like persistence works. I certainly haven't got the hang of keeping up with things yet or how to work out quickly who's genuine. I think I just need to be more cautious with who I respond to rather than wasting time on people who are hear for the fantasy/wank material. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just be yourself OP. I met quite a few ladies and couples under my old profile just by chatting and joking in the forums. I went to one social and met a lady who's become a best friend. I think it's been harder because of COVID as people haven't been wanting to meet. But things will change. Just be patient, look to make friendships and don't expect more. If more happens then great. |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
OP. Don't forget that the country is emerging from a Pandemic, which has caused some people to throw up their own defences to ward off anyone approaching them.
Before Covid, it could take a Single Male at least a year to get noticed, given the high numbers of Single Guys on FAB. NOW, it's far longer to achieve any success.
In my part of the UK, I've estimated that 80% of messages aren't even read let alone profiles being viewed.
Your best choice is to get to clubs or Socials in your area or if you can travel to these two elements, it will help.
Good luck. |
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"Sadly, after months of sending endless messages and getting very few responses and no meetings, I’m struggling to get anything from the site.
I don’t think my approach is bad and I know I’m too forward or disrespectful with messages on here but something must not be right as I’m yet to get any lasting conversations when I do get the odd response so it seems being offered a meeting must be as rare as having your numbers come up on the lottery.
’m slowly running out of people local to me to message but why is it so hard to find a connection with someone for some mutual fun?
I'm in the same boat, I've been on fab for a couple of years now and have had zero luck meeting women.
My profile has been rewritten multiple times and i have put most of my non face pics to friends only. Most of my messages are either deleted, just read or completely ignored (though i know why that often happens)."
Maybe that’s because your veri’s are from men and TVs which is at odds with you “not looking for single guys” Women can be judgemental about stuff like that. Not all women though, some will love it as those meets fulfil a fantasy of watching guys together.
As others have said, OP and anyone else struggling should go to organised socials, visit the same club regularly and chat to women and couples there. Chances are you will get veri’s and expand your circle of swinging buddies. That’s what I did and that worked for me.
Good luck chaps |
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"
I try to always tailor any messages paying attention to using the silly instruction words that people ask to be used as a header but alas I’m
just not photogenic and women would much rather chat to someone who’s profile is full of spunky cocks next to deodorant cans!
Hard disagree on this. I often don’t even ask for pics because attitude and personality are generally what makes meets great.
Also I’m pretty sure I can say on behalf of most women, we do not want to see any cock compared to a deodorant can or tv remote or can… or anything else for that matter! lol "
I agree with this. I hate unsolicited pics being sent and will often delete a message (if it's the first) or disengage from conversation for pictures sent without asking if they are wanted/pics being demanded.
There are as many approaches and right answers as there are women on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Same I’m struggling with this aswell ladies just give me a chance, I don’t think I have a bad approach when it comes to speaking but I need some help "
. What specifically about your profile do you think would make the ladies give you a chance over the many other men that might message them? Ultimately people are looking for what you have to offer. If all you have to offer is a bundle of dirty clothes on the floor, you might not get many takers.
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You are a solo guy on here, there are lots of us and couples and especially solo women get bombarded by messages. Most are I suspect just deleted.
Don't give up, when women or couples want company they will seek you out.
A few full body pics might help them choose as well..... |
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"You are a solo guy on here, there are lots of us and couples and especially solo women get bombarded by messages. Most are I suspect just deleted.
Don't give up, when women or couples want company they will seek you out.
A few full body pics might help them choose as well....."
I delete messages when men send creepy,not remotely in my area, I didn't like their profile or what they written to me. Everyone is entitled not to reply. |
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Im also having this dilemma,
Only difference is i was messaging (recently) this attractive lass my age saying she's "intrested" yet kept deleting my messages, confusing
Alot if woman bios do mention add face pic which i do (and state in my msg titles) but that still gets unread  |
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"Sadly, after months of sending endless messages and getting very few responses and no meetings, I’m struggling to get anything from the site.
I don’t think my approach is bad and I know I’m too forward or disrespectful with messages on here but something must not be right as I’m yet to get any lasting conversations when I do get the odd response so it seems being offered a meeting must be as rare as having your numbers come up on the lottery.
’m slowly running out of people local to me to message but why is it so hard to find a connection with someone for some mutual fun?
I'm in the same boat, I've been on fab for a couple of years now and have had zero luck meeting women.
My profile has been rewritten multiple times and i have put most of my non face pics to friends only. Most of my messages are either deleted, just read or completely ignored (though i know why that often happens)."
You can never have enough Snake handling photos |
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"You are a solo guy on here, there are lots of us and couples and especially solo women get bombarded by messages. Most are I suspect just deleted.
Don't give up, when women or couples want company they will seek you out.
A few full body pics might help them choose as well....."
Also to add to this; don’t overlook the effect the pandemic has had on people wanting to actually meet strangers. Most have been sticking with their ‘bubble buddies’ for months now, but things are starting to open up again |
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"Your profile comes across as quite negative and isn't very enticing.
You clearly do OK at clubs, so maybe stick with that.
Nita"
Going by the tone of the initial message you sent me on this profile, in relation to a different thread, I think that your attitude and approach to Fab could be part of the problem.
Nita |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly, after months of sending endless messages and getting very few responses and no meetings, I’m struggling to get anything from the site.
I don’t think my approach is bad and I know I’m too forward or disrespectful with messages on here but something must not be right as I’m yet to get any lasting conversations when I do get the odd response so it seems being offered a meeting must be as rare as having your numbers come up on the lottery.
’m slowly running out of people local to me to message but why is it so hard to find a connection with someone for some mutual fun?"
Your profile is just like most other single guys profiles on here. It’s all about what you want, not what you can give.
Makes you look a little selfish IMO.
Also your photos could be improved. Trying to understand what you’re actually doing in your profile pic. Plus the other public photo looks like a completely different person.
Hope you find what you’re looking for. Happy fabbing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stick at it. It’s not so much about putting the effort in, if people don’t like any aspect of your profile then they move on to the next. There are thousands of men on the site compared to ratio of women or couples.
With such a drastic ratio difference people can have multiple profiles that tick their boxes. No doubt they can then choose the best or most suited from the bunch.
Good luck.
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"Stick at it. It’s not so much about putting the effort in, if people don’t like any aspect of your profile then they move on to the next. There are thousands of men on the site compared to ratio of women or couples.
With such a drastic ratio difference people can have multiple profiles that tick their boxes. No doubt they can then choose the best or most suited from the bunch.
Good luck.
"
Female friends of mine in here tell me they get overwhelmed with messages, that they can’t read them all, and it’s mostly just a random thing that catches their eye whether they read a message or not.
Always remember, in Fab, it is a bit of a lottery, but it’s not personal until you’ve been blocked  |
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Couples and ladies get inundated with messages. My better half does. Not so much our couples one as we don't meet single men.
I have 17 veris by meet. But this is over about 8 years. My personal advice would be to send polite messages, don't jump in to sex chat straight away and include something they have in their profile so they know you have read it and a compliment is always nice. And only message those you would genuinely like to meet. Not just sending messages to everybody in your area. Just treat this as a bit of fun and not the be all and end all. Good luck. |
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"Couples and ladies get inundated with messages. My better half does. Not so much our couples one as we don't meet single men.
I have 17 veris by meet. But this is over about 8 years. My personal advice would be to send polite messages, don't jump in to sex chat straight away and include something they have in their profile so they know you have read it and a compliment is always nice. And only message those you would genuinely like to meet. Not just sending messages to everybody in your area. Just treat this as a bit of fun and not the be all and end all. Good luck."
totally agree, look at other mens profiles for ideas, if they have decent veries they doing something right. Also i prefer any dick picks should only be in friends only or even better if requested at later stage |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi guys, Loving this thread….. Finding this hard work myself. Don’t Judge, but personally feel I would have more luck and interest seeking women in bars and clubs as I don’t count myself as bad looking and am a chatty and intelligent guy. Like the guy that started this thread. Don’t think my chat has been bad. Been pitching for socials I.e. coffee etc. Starting to disbelieve what potential the platform may actually offer……. Happy to receive constructive criticism of profile
In order to progress. Although, pls remember, like a lot of people, I wish to be discreet….  |
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"I can't answer your question but I do know you're not alone, a lot of men say the same .
Would it help if you took a break from looking for meets and just generally chatted on the forum or in the chat rooms?"
That’s a good shout it can be a hard slog at times but being chilled about it is the best approach for your sanity lol  |
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"I’ll upload some more photos as it seems that my current ones are rubbish and not selling me that well.
I’ve always struggled online as the art of the good selfie is something I’ve never been good at so I really try to make an effort with messages but it seems that for most people, it’s the visual that they first look for, even if their profile states they prefer to chat to people & actually get to know them. "
No new public pics op  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For what it's worth OP, I think your profile looks ok and just work on your opening message. It just needs to stand out from the rest of the one liners/dross/obscene messages the fill the ladies inboxes.
So read her profile, check you are what she's after and then make sure your message shows you have read it. Make it light hearted, humorous and a bit random with some appropriate compliments."
In theory, this sounds like great advice and should help; however, I do this all the time and it gets me nowhere. Nothing gets me anywhere. But, it's a competitive and harsh world, and even for those getting lots of fun, it comes with it's own set of challenges |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ll upload some more photos as it seems that my current ones are rubbish and not selling me that well.
I’ve always struggled online as the art of the good selfie is something I’ve never been good at so I really try to make an effort with messages but it seems that for most people, it’s the visual that they first look for, even if their profile states they prefer to chat to people & actually get to know them.
No new public pics op "
This kind of behaviour is disappointing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're just here now for the banter given up on meeting folk as nothing happens, so we mostly lurk,have a perv and that's about it, is what it is I guess"
Best way! |
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"For what it's worth OP, I think your profile looks ok and just work on your opening message. It just needs to stand out from the rest of the one liners/dross/obscene messages the fill the ladies inboxes.
So read her profile, check you are what she's after and then make sure your message shows you have read it. Make it light hearted, humorous and a bit random with some appropriate compliments.
In theory, this sounds like great advice and should help; however, I do this all the time and it gets me nowhere. Nothing gets me anywhere. But, it's a competitive and harsh world, and even for those getting lots of fun, it comes with it's own set of challenges "
Your profile is your best friend or your worst enemy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
In theory, this sounds like great advice and should help; however, I do this all the time and it gets me nowhere. Nothing gets me anywhere. But, it's a competitive and harsh world, and even for those getting lots of fun, it comes with it's own set of challenges "
You started a thread but didn’t go back and acknowledge one reply on there
Effort in reward out. |
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It can be hard work OP but time and effort put in = rewards out. Build an interesting and engaging profile and be active by chatting on forums, making new friends and contacts and building your social network. Took me two years to get traction on here |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
When Fab starts to deliver results, the hardwork really begins...more driving than usual, later nights and loads of push ups/more orgasms than normal. Shopping for club gear/fancy dress outfits is hardwork! LOL
Club entry memberships and drinks too all put a strain on the ol' finances.
I'm speaking from experience and have never had so much fun!
Fab! it's MEH when it doesn't work and WAHEY! When it finally does. |
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By *orny PTMan
over a year ago
Peterborough |
"It can be hard work OP but time and effort put in = rewards out. Build an interesting and engaging profile and be active by chatting on forums, making new friends and contacts and building your social network. Took me two years to get traction on here "
That is pretty close to my experience. |
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