FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Avoiding burn out
Avoiding burn out
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi guys, after advice really…
So I’m newly single and new to this world having spent 99.9% of my adult life in monogamous, vanilla relationships. I’m also somewhat of an all in kinda guy…
Having joined the site a few weeks ago it’s been pretty intense. The positives are I’ve met some incredibly beautiful people already, had some really rewarding conversations (not all dirty by any means in fact that’s scarcely a part) and given my confidence a boost and got to experience things I never thought I would.
The downside if there is one is I can feel a bit of risk of burn out. What do people here do to keep things in moderation? It sounds a bit arbitrary but should I consider putting a limit on number of meets or even interactions.
Anyone with experience or perspective on this particularly as a single man or woman please do let me know. Thanks and PS don’t think for a moment I am ungrateful or this is a humble brag, I’m truly grateful for what I’ve experienced and have met some wonderful, wonderful people. |
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"Don't let it take over and take time out.
Mrs x"
So true, fantasy and real life are so different. Everything needs to be put in to perspective..You while your life away in this world when there’s so much more to achieve..Nice articulate post btw OP..that’s always attractive too  |
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Off topic but... I read your thread and thought "strange, a new single guy having lots of success?" Then I clicked your profile, looked at your pics and it quickly became apparent  that's an impressive package haha.
D |
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I find it a bit overwhelming on here sometimes. My advice would be to only speak to one or two people at a time and not have a string of potential meets in a queue.
I've also been going to clubs in recent months and enjoyed it for the social side of things, as well as the fun. The same people often go to the same clubs regularly so it's nice to make some like minded friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hide your profile as and when you just want a break. Alter your message filters, depending on your wants at the time. This is meant to be fun. Do what’s right for you, always x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks so much for comments and interactions so far. A lot of what I’m reading is common sense but it’s helpful reinforcement of what I probably know inside and also useful to know these feelings aren’t unique to me.
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I don't think your going to get many guys relating to this to be honest.
Most guys will tell you they struggle to get 1 meet a year, 4 in 3 weeks will leave them all extremely jealous but it's understandable why you're getting the attention you are
This place is definitely addictive & only you will know how much is to much, what can you fit in which won't impact your previous commitments (I know you said your circumstances had recently changed etc) but you don't want to forgo nights out with existing long term friends for FAB encounters
Maybe say to yourself 1 a week or 2/3 a month that way there's still room to squeeze in more if you feel you want to
Enjoy it, I think you're gonna be very popular
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"Hi guys, after advice really…
So I’m newly single and new to this world having spent 99.9% of my adult life in monogamous, vanilla relationships. I’m also somewhat of an all in kinda guy…
Having joined the site a few weeks ago it’s been pretty intense. The positives are I’ve met some incredibly beautiful people already, had some really rewarding conversations (not all dirty by any means in fact that’s scarcely a part) and given my confidence a boost and got to experience things I never thought I would.
The downside if there is one is I can feel a bit of risk of burn out. What do people here do to keep things in moderation? It sounds a bit arbitrary but should I consider putting a limit on number of meets or even interactions.
Anyone with experience or perspective on this particularly as a single man or woman please do let me know. Thanks and PS don’t think for a moment I am ungrateful or this is a humble brag, I’m truly grateful for what I’ve experienced and have met some wonderful, wonderful people."
Just a word of advice that there are people on here that don't like a man to have to many verifications, some do..but there is that percentage that see it as a huge turn off...I'm not sure if that would make a diffrence in how many meets you get and can cope with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi guys, after advice really…
So I’m newly single and new to this world having spent 99.9% of my adult life in monogamous, vanilla relationships. I’m also somewhat of an all in kinda guy…
Having joined the site a few weeks ago it’s been pretty intense. The positives are I’ve met some incredibly beautiful people already, had some really rewarding conversations (not all dirty by any means in fact that’s scarcely a part) and given my confidence a boost and got to experience things I never thought I would.
The downside if there is one is I can feel a bit of risk of burn out. What do people here do to keep things in moderation? It sounds a bit arbitrary but should I consider putting a limit on number of meets or even interactions.
Anyone with experience or perspective on this particularly as a single man or woman please do let me know. Thanks and PS don’t think for a moment I am ungrateful or this is a humble brag, I’m truly grateful for what I’ve experienced and have met some wonderful, wonderful people.
Just a word of advice that there are people on here that don't like a man to have to many verifications, some do..but there is that percentage that see it as a huge turn off...I'm not sure if that would make a diffrence in how many meets you get and can cope with."
Nopes that’s totally understandable and I have no desire to ‘collect’ people here. My OP was as much about the whole chatting and engaging thing as the physical activity of meeting. Fair reminder all the same though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Another vote for taking time out every so often. On my last profile I probably met 20 or so when it was all new, then burnt out and didn't meet for ages, then went back and met probably another 5-10, the had a break again, and basically repeated that pattern for a couple of years. Then left completely for a while and came back. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Another vote for taking time out every so often. On my last profile I probably met 20 or so when it was all new, then burnt out and didn't meet for ages, then went back and met probably another 5-10, the had a break again, and basically repeated that pattern for a couple of years. Then left completely for a while and came back. Xx"
I can imagine a time will come when I do this. Even if I continue to meet with some of the brilliant people I’ve met so far. I’m less keen on one offs in any case! Thank you for the advice x |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Hi guys, after advice really…
So I’m newly single and new to this world having spent 99.9% of my adult life in monogamous, vanilla relationships. I’m also somewhat of an all in kinda guy…
Having joined the site a few weeks ago it’s been pretty intense. The positives are I’ve met some incredibly beautiful people already, had some really rewarding conversations (not all dirty by any means in fact that’s scarcely a part) and given my confidence a boost and got to experience things I never thought I would.
The downside if there is one is I can feel a bit of risk of burn out. What do people here do to keep things in moderation? It sounds a bit arbitrary but should I consider putting a limit on number of meets or even interactions.
Anyone with experience or perspective on this particularly as a single man or woman please do let me know. Thanks and PS don’t think for a moment I am ungrateful or this is a humble brag, I’m truly grateful for what I’ve experienced and have met some wonderful, wonderful people."
Great question OP. I think it’s like the honeymoon phase, newly free and single, lots of opportunities not just here but you probably have many many women available to.
My advice is focus on yourself first , what do you really want out of all this? Then go slowly, and treat people with respect , sex and dates comes very easily , too easily sometimes, and people will get hurt.
Limit the number of messages you send, you can’t talk to more than a handful of people properly, focus on 1-2 people at a time and build good friendships and then poly relationships |
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Fab life does have a tendency to "take over". My advice is to take things slow. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by socialising as well on as playing. Like someone said previously there are people who won't meet others with stacks of verifications but if they took the time to read them they'd notice that they aren't all play meets.
You will eventually find your niche.
Happy fabbing op x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fab life does have a tendency to "take over". My advice is to take things slow. It sounds like you're doing the right thing by socialising as well on as playing. Like someone said previously there are people who won't meet others with stacks of verifications but if they took the time to read them they'd notice that they aren't all play meets.
You will eventually find your niche.
Happy fabbing op x "
Thank you, I was going to make a bad joke about finding my groove or slot but no 
Seriously though this is all brilliant advice. I’m far from a ONS guy and my verifications will bear that out.. sex is fine as a one off but with deeper connections (again no innuendo intended) it can mean far more, even here… |
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Every One has provided great advice OP.
You've got alot going for you so you are going to get alot of attention, especially as you sound like a decent guy.
That makes a huge difference in making connections.
You currently have candyshop syndrome.
You will find flavours you like more than others and you will begin to narrow your search criteria to match.
This should mean you will slow down naturally.
If course you could just become a sex s.l.a.v.e for all the woman...
My vote is for sex s.l.a.v.e!! 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Every One has provided great advice OP.
You've got alot going for you so you are going to get alot of attention, especially as you sound like a decent guy.
That makes a huge difference in making connections.
You currently have candyshop syndrome.
You will find flavours you like more than others and you will begin to narrow your search criteria to match.
This should mean you will slow down naturally.
If course you could just become a sex s.l.a.v.e for all the woman...
My vote is for sex s.l.a.v.e!!
"
Ha I’m not sure I can fit in being one of those around job, family and exercise commitments. All joking aside you’re right though, I am most certainly taking a breath!! |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
From experience it’ll calm down and you may meet some people more often. I’ve had some Fab friends for 10 years and we’ve become good friends.
Enjoy the new experiences and explore what interests you. I’ve found being on Fab a great way to find out what I want and explore new things. People tend to be more open about what they want and it’s quite refreshing.
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You have to find your own pace and to be self-aware. Having a balanced life is important, so don't put other needs aside.
Consider setting aside a fixed amount of time each month, to pursue this lifestyle and assessing as you go.
As others say, take time out if you see any signs of burnout potentially creeping closer.
Make some friends who you won't be sexually intimate with, so you have broader support too.
It's OK to go slowly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We took our profile down whilst on holiday to avoid spending time looking at pictures and answering messages! Was lovely to have a break.  It can be very full on and intense.  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
I deleted my posts previous but it essentially said that unless you are shagging 7 days a week for months and months on end, morn, afternoon and evening then you've nothing to worry about.
There's people on here (and have been), that have met hundreds within very short time frames and likely thousands over years to no ill effects.
If you're worried, obviously take a break, rest, put your phone down etc |
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