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Preagreed nonverbal signals
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By *thfloor OP Couple
over a year ago
Hove |
ISTR in old threads couples discussing about signs or touches they'd have between them to communicate with each other some things without having to speak it out, to avoid awkwardness or potentially causing offence. Things ranging from "yes/no" to escalating a social, or needing action to stop, something wrong, need your partner's attention, time out, need to speak privately, etc.
If any of you use anything like that, can you share/advise? (Feel free to PM if you don't wanna blow your cover :D ) Or do you simply say everything out loud? |
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We don't have any looks etc between the two of us during meets ..however if one of us isn't happy we just say stop...explain to the 3rd party or whoever why we aren't happy and end the play...safest way I think because you can't misunderstand that word. |
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We agreed to ask for a private chat at any point if we didn't want to speak in front of the other person/people. Signs, looks, touched etc can be missed, ignored or misinterpreted. If either of us wanted things to stop we agreed that we'd just say "stop" or "no" and the other would stop what they were doing. |
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"In some scenarios, as in BDSM, a safe word is used, which means stop and everyone involved knows what it means and respect it.
Of course “stop” is pretty clear.  "
if you're gaggged having a ball to hold and drop or a squeaky toy to indicate that you want things to stop |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"In some scenarios, as in BDSM, a safe word is used, which means stop and everyone involved knows what it means and respect it.
Of course “stop” is pretty clear. "
Not to digress too far but Stop and No make terrible safewords. During some activities people may say stop or no as part of their response or reaction to some activities, but they don’t actually want you to stop.
Any signal or sign, verbal or non verbal needs to be clearly understood by the parties, and it helps if its something a little bit out of the ordinary. |
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By *dd_soxMan
over a year ago
Suffolk |
Please .... don't ... stop
No ... no... don't ... stop
Are they stop signals or not?
I prefer to use a word which would be out of context and unmistakeable. For example - banana (other fruit are available).
I also agree a physical sign (in case the other person can't speak for whatever reason). Fie exsmple, showing a hand with fingers wide stretched. Again, has to be unmistakeable.
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the thing is if you want things to stop its going to get awkward, there is no way to stop proceedings that isn't slightly awkward. Secret signs or special looks just make it even more awkward because they really aren't secret, we've been at socials where the other couple have used their secret sign and its blatantly obvious. Also if one person indicates secretly to the other that they want things to stop how on earth is this communicated to the other people? |
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By *dd_soxMan
over a year ago
Suffolk |
"the thing is if you want things to stop its going to get awkward, there is no way to stop proceedings that isn't slightly awkward. Secret signs or special looks just make it even more awkward because they really aren't secret, we've been at socials where the other couple have used their secret sign and its blatantly obvious. Also if one person indicates secretly to the other that they want things to stop how on earth is this communicated to the other people?"
Surely, you agree safety words/signs beforehand? |
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"the thing is if you want things to stop its going to get awkward, there is no way to stop proceedings that isn't slightly awkward. Secret signs or special looks just make it even more awkward because they really aren't secret, we've been at socials where the other couple have used their secret sign and its blatantly obvious. Also if one person indicates secretly to the other that they want things to stop how on earth is this communicated to the other people?
Surely, you agree safety words/signs beforehand?"
if you're at a social with another couple or a single you can have an agreed word or signal for sure but you still have to communicate to that other person/people if you do or don't want to take things further. If you're actually in the middle of playing there's only one way to bring things to a stop and that is to verbally communicate it unless you're in a situation where you can't talk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...to avoid awkwardness or potentially causing offence."
In my opinion if things need to stop then this shouldn't even enter your thoughts. Put your own well-being above someone else's embarrassment.
"Stop" and "No" have been known to be confusing, but if they're said with enough conviction it's pretty obvious what is meant. Other pre-defined words can be used (Pineapple. Jellyfish. Red, as examples), and I've also seen "yellow card" (a warning) and "red card" (complete stop) used.
As with anything, communication BEFORE play begins is paramount. |
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I think the op is about signs between couples rather than the people they're meeting. The impression I get is that people would rather discreetly communicate to their partner that they do or don't want things to go further than actually say so. I can understand not wanting to say outright to someone that you aren't interested but how can that be communicated otherwise?
We always make it clear before socials that we discuss things when we get home. That way nobody has to have potentially awkward conversations.
During a meet we learned the hard way to ensure one of us doesn't drink at all, to always keep an eye on each other and have agreed to just stay "stop" or "no" very loudly and ask for private time out if need be (we've not had to do it so far).
As far as we're concerned a moment or two of awkwardness is better than a long time of regret |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We agreed that one hard hand squeeze = all fine, 2 hard squeezes = I'm not happy. Once either of us is unhappy it's time to stop and go. That said, we are both nymphomaniacs so not much apart from hygiene stops us mid play. |
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When in clubs and just chatting to others a previous partner and I used to hold hands and then squeeze the little finger to indicate that we needed to talk privately. Worked for us.
Once again @niceouple561 has nailed this. One of us always remained sober when in clubs and that person had the last say on anything. Agreeing what you want to experience (and what you don't!) ahead of a club visit or meet etc is key.
I also agree with @_reenleaves, if you know each other well enough then a signal should not really be necessary. If it is necessary then make it as simple and unambiguous as possible.
I have had to say a firm "No" to another male in a club that was interacting with my 'partner'. Yes, you're both there to have fun; but not at the expense of your partners welfare or wellbeing.
Best wishes OP |
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If we are in a club, party or a private home and we decide something is just not feeling right, a squeeze of a big toe means, get up, get dressed and maybe let's leave.
Only did it once and our gut feeling was correct.
This way you always live to fight another day. |
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"I think the op is about signs between couples rather than the people they're meeting. The impression I get is that people would rather discreetly communicate to their partner that they do or don't want things to go further than actually say so. I can understand not wanting to say outright to someone that you aren't interested but how can that be communicated otherwise?
We always make it clear before socials that we discuss things when we get home. That way nobody has to have potentially awkward conversations.
During a meet we learned the hard way to ensure one of us doesn't drink at all, to always keep an eye on each other and have agreed to just stay "stop" or "no" very loudly and ask for private time out if need be (we've not had to do it so far).
As far as we're concerned a moment or two of awkwardness is better than a long time of regret "
Agree with your comments. A social is just that. I dont think we would want to play after the social with anyone unless we have talked together away from the other cpl so we both know how we feel. Also the other cpl might well want to do the exact same thing. No good rushing and regretting it. |
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"If we are in a club, party or a private home and we decide something is just not feeling right, a squeeze of a big toe means, get up, get dressed and maybe let's leave.
Only did it once and our gut feeling was correct.
This way you always live to fight another day. "
What was wrong that you changed your mind and left? |
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I met a couple with my old FWBs a while ago. Our signs were this.
Us touching hands under the table. A nip from each other is no.
A swirling thumb on palm is a yes.
A bit like Rock Paper Scissors.
Has to be two yes’ to continue.
And we did back at their apartment. Lol. |
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