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why do men waste so many peoples time
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why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before . |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
It’s not just men I’m afraid. I’ve had similar situations when planning on meeting single women or couples.
Can’t say it’s something that I have ever done.
That said life does sometimes through a spanner in the works no matter how genuine somebody is.
I do feel your frustration though.
It’s guys like you refer to give the genuine ones like myself a bad name.
Try not to tar everybody with the same brush, though
C x |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before .
It’s not just men I’m afraid. I’ve had similar situations when planning on meeting single women or couples.
Can’t say it’s something that I have ever done.
That said life does sometimes through a spanner in the works no matter how genuine somebody is.
I do feel your frustration though.
It’s guys like you refer to give the genuine ones like myself a bad name.
Try not to tar everybody with the same brush, though
C x"
bang on mate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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maybe poorly worded as neither are we just trying to figure out who is genuine and who isn't, via messages is difficult just think/hope it comes with time. |
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"maybe poorly worded as neither are we just trying to figure out who is genuine and who isn't, via messages is difficult just think/hope it comes with time."
we have been here for years and since lockdown started theres more cheaters liars and fakes on here than ever before . no wonder so many genuine folk we know from the scene have left and we are not suprised in the slightest |
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I’ve also been ghosted by women and couples after arranging meets etc so it’s not just guys that do this.
Sadly, as said previously, people tend to tar us all with the same brush when I wouldn’t dream of messing people around.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely happens on both sides, but I'd rather folk were upfront about only wanting to chat rather than pretending they want to meet till they find someone better.. |
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
It's not just men unfortunately. I've had women and couples do the same.
Funny thing us that they were so keen and made it seem like I was being difficult.
Then they let me down. I wasn't too surprised by it. I've found that most serious people on here do not message you for weeks before arranging a social/meet.
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2 years ago a let down was unusual. Now it's every other meet. I was wondering if it was personal to me. Even guys I've met previously make plans then cancel last minute, so I can't say it's the newbies and wannabes to blame.
You're not alone, a lot of people are saying the same. |
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Same with couples. We have noticed a decline over the last year or so (since Covid) of couples who seem to be here just to chat and with little intention to meet. Even since the easing of restrictions and “better” patches when the virus isn’t quite as prevalent. Trying to keep the faith but yep - a lot of time wasters. |
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"2 years ago a let down was unusual. Now it's every other meet. I was wondering if it was personal to me. Even guys I've met previously make plans then cancel last minute, so I can't say it's the newbies and wannabes to blame.
You're not alone, a lot of people are saying the same."
Helps to know we are not alone , starting to wonder if it’s us and go down that rabbit hole |
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ive figured folk perhaps arrange a meet when feeling horny and or typsy....then on the day of the meet there not feeling it hence make un true excuses cancel or just totally let people down
i personally text a meet when i'm leaving home ,when halfway there and again when close by.
or i book and pay a nice hotel with a bar so at least they know i'll be there...if they dont show i just enjoy my evening in hotel bar or pub crawl  |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
If its happening a lot the common denominator is you.. change your selection process, put in checks balances, look out for red flags.  |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
Unfortunately a very large proportion of the men on this site are fantasists… it’s the chase and talking about meeting that gets them going, and as a lot aren’t actually single it means they mess people about for their kicks without ever actually being able to meet |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before .
If its happening a lot the common denominator is you.. change your selection process, put in checks balances, look out for red flags. "
If we did anymore checks we would need a crb , we are not here to fuck anybody and everybody so are picky plus time isn’t always avalable with work ect so that’s why we get so annoyed when this happens . Sadly it’s happening more often than not now |
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"2 years ago a let down was unusual. Now it's every other meet. I was wondering if it was personal to me. Even guys I've met previously make plans then cancel last minute, so I can't say it's the newbies and wannabes to blame.
You're not alone, a lot of people are saying the same.
Helps to know we are not alone , starting to wonder if it’s us and go down that rabbit hole"
I know one woman who met all the time got really fed up with all the let downs. She's left the site and I assume that's why.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before .
Unfortunately a very large proportion of the men on this site are fantasists… it’s the chase and talking about meeting that gets them going, and as a lot aren’t actually single it means they mess people about for their kicks without ever actually being able to meet"
 |
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By *orl1971Couple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
We’ve been let down twice by guys but never by a couple.
One guy apparently got told by a fwb she was pregnant so had to cancel at one hours notice to be with her. The other guy forgot he was going on holiday and got shitty when we asked how you forget you’re going on holiday two days before you’re leaving.
We no longer meet single guys as it’s not worth the hassle for the reasons above and a number of other reasons. For us couples are more reliable. |
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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago
CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. Staffs. BARMOUTH. The Lakes (Monthly) |
We just think Fab in general has declined massively over the last couple of years. We are so fed up with here now that we just meet in clubs. In fact even the forums are full of ignorant people. The guys using the forums are on our hotlist of guys not to meet due to the sheer ignorance...not our loss though as clubs still Rock  |
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"We’ve been let down twice by guys but never by a couple.
One guy apparently got told by a fwb she was pregnant so had to cancel at one hours notice to be with her. The other guy forgot he was going on holiday and got shitty when we asked how you forget you’re going on holiday two days before you’re leaving.
We no longer meet single guys as it’s not worth the hassle for the reasons above and a number of other reasons. For us couples are more reliable. "
And this is why I hate the majority of men on here.. the poor attitude of most is literally driving couples away from meeting those of us that are genuine |
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It happens in all groups I suspect, I've certainly had it with a couple, they went completely silent for 4 days then the bloke went crazy saying we'd blocked him (this was on my couples profile) we hadn't, but did within a few minutes if receiving those messages |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
Probably because whilst the lad wants the woman he doesnt want the other guy around and bottles it when it is apparent the woman isnt gonna play alone. Shitty but very common. I wouldnt meet a couple because i have no interest in another bloke being there - just my personal preference. Id meet the female half of a cpuple one on one or both at a social leading to time with the woman as a possibility |
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"It’s not a choice or an option for everyone. But this is why I prefer clubs. No time wasted, no expectations, a night out etc, meet others. Win win x"
Yep could not agree more,clubs are fantastic for meeting people even if you don't play you can still have a laugh,and at least everyone at a club is after the same thing |
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"We’ve been let down twice by guys but never by a couple.
One guy apparently got told by a fwb she was pregnant so had to cancel at one hours notice to be with her. The other guy forgot he was going on holiday and got shitty when we asked how you forget you’re going on holiday two days before you’re leaving.
We no longer meet single guys as it’s not worth the hassle for the reasons above and a number of other reasons. For us couples are more reliable.
And this is why I hate the majority of men on here.. the poor attitude of most is literally driving couples away from meeting those of us that are genuine "
This^^^^. I certainly wouldn't arrange to meet unless I was 100% certain I could from my end. Maybe it's just better to make friends with single men so you can make a better judge of character. All depends what you are looking for. |
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"It’s not a choice or an option for everyone. But this is why I prefer clubs. No time wasted, no expectations, a night out etc, meet others. Win win x
Yep could not agree more,clubs are fantastic for meeting people even if you don't play you can still have a laugh,and at least everyone at a club is after the same thing "
Completely agree with you on this, unfortunately my nearest is over a 2 hour drive each way… still worth it when I’ve visited though |
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By *good-being-badMan
over a year ago
mis-types and auto corrects leads cock leeds |
"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before .
If its happening a lot the common denominator is you.. change your selection process, put in checks balances, look out for red flags.
If we did anymore checks we would need a crb , we are not here to fuck anybody and everybody so are picky plus time isn’t always avalable with work ect so that’s why we get so annoyed when this happens . Sadly it’s happening more often than not now "
Complain as you will the chances are the guys you reference won't read it or change.
The common denominator is you your process isn't working,you can change it or chances are you'll get the same result(s). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"easier said than done when the last 4 meets we have planned have all been put to a sharp stop with shitty excuses
"
Sounds like you need to rethink how you go about things |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We’ve been let down twice by guys but never by a couple.
One guy apparently got told by a fwb she was pregnant so had to cancel at one hours notice to be with her. The other guy forgot he was going on holiday and got shitty when we asked how you forget you’re going on holiday two days before you’re leaving.
We no longer meet single guys as it’s not worth the hassle for the reasons above and a number of other reasons. For us couples are more reliable.
And this is why I hate the majority of men on here.. the poor attitude of most is literally driving couples away from meeting those of us that are genuine "
Don't blame other men for your lack of meeting folks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep so many men message all the time Wade through the idiots to refine things down to another that disappears at last minute or comes out with piss poor excises when they appear after lol makes the genuine ones look bad too lol |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"easier said than done when the last 4 meets we have planned have all been put to a sharp stop with shitty excuses
"
A) it’s not just a single man problem.. it’s an all people problem, and sometimes an arse is an arse and it doesn’t matter if they happen to be male, female or part of a couple
B) at some point if the same thing keeps happening then there is one common denominator… and that would be you! … not blaming you but that’s then screams process! How are you picking people? How are you vetting them? Ect ect ect
At some point something needs changing, be that who, where, when….. |
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I've found that every once in a while you get quite a few that are let downs or time wasters... But then get a run of really good people and great meets... it is a bit disheartening but I suppose we have to just deal with it our own way and move on..
Good luck for future meets OP and don't get the let do |
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Beats me, maybe people get intimidated at the last moment if they haven't already met the other people involved and developed a rapport? Even men worry about their personal safety sometimes, I'd certainly be a little apprehensive going to a couple's house if we hadn't have met somewhere public beforehand or at very least, interacted on webcam. |
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Heaven forbid people should have a life and all that entails. If you're informed that they aren't meeting for whatever the excuse/reason then accept it. Believe it or not there are more important things than 'you' (non specific you, not aimed at anyone in particular). |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
We've found that under 35 with no verifications are the ones that don't turn up and just ignore us. Don't have the decency to even message to say they aren't coming, even after confirming the day before.
Over 35 and verified....we don't get any trouble with those.
(Bry) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not bein funny -you’d do well to lose the 7th down pic (razor rash) it’s the kind of image that might well give a guy second thoughts…. ?
just sayin -best wishes-I’d meet you like a flash …!!
X |
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"It’s not a choice or an option for everyone. But this is why I prefer clubs. No time wasted, no expectations, a night out etc, meet others. Win win x"
This is the same for us...always a good day/night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm new to the scene and have been to one club and had one meet with someone I (luckily) already knew. Both times I was super nervous but managed to push past the nerves and have a fantastic time.
So _ased on how I felt, I'm sure some people must just bottle it, even with good intentions. Then there are others that are just lonely/bored/horny and like someone else said, the thrill of it's what they want.
I don't think this is specific to fab, the same happens on other dating apps too. People are people after all. |
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Things have changed somewhat, so it means that we have to stay 1 step ahead of those who are reducing the potential for positive meets. New strategies, including filtering, advance social interaction and meets.
If we don't change, it's likely to continue to deteriorate for us. |
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I think despite easing of restrictions regarding COVID people are still nervous about meeting for sex. Then you get the deliberate timewasters who on the whole give themselves away and you know it's one hand typing lol then there are the ones that ghost you. Some genuinely chicken out but I'd prefer them to say so. |
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"It’s not a choice or an option for everyone. But this is why I prefer clubs. No time wasted, no expectations, a night out etc, meet others. Win win x"
We prefer to meet at clubs too as we can go without expectations, meet new interesting people & just enjoy the evening. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've found that under 35 with no verifications are the ones that don't turn up and just ignore us. Don't have the decency to even message to say they aren't coming, even after confirming the day before.
Over 35 and verified....we don't get any trouble with those.
(Bry)"
Most of my interactions have been with couples + women over 35. Either didn't read my profile properly, or just ended up flaking on me. The two meets I have had are both with people under the age of 30. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was talking about this with a friend during the week. I’m wondering, is it a generational thing? Do a lot of younger folk seeing everything as a bit disposable/temporary, and therefore more likely to not consider the feelings of the other party in the situation? |
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"easier said than done when the last 4 meets we have planned have all been put to a sharp stop with shitty excuses
"
From.my experience and that of close friends swinging as a MF couple, solo guys are in too many cases let their 'categoty' down.
Friends who organise child care, ttavel to a hotel room, get ready both physically and psychologically and......
.....another 'no show'.
Is it any wider that they are wary,many are wary. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"easier said than done when the last 4 meets we have planned have all been put to a sharp stop with shitty excuses
"
It sounds like they have let you know they wouldn't be coming, does it really matter why? Men are as entitled to change their mind as women are surely, it would be worse if they just didn't turn up. |
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"Same with couples. We have noticed a decline over the last year or so (since Covid) of couples who seem to be here just to chat and with little intention to meet. Even since the easing of restrictions and “better” patches when the virus isn’t quite as prevalent. Trying to keep the faith but yep - a lot of time wasters. "
I think that are a lot more “wannabes” on here than say a few years ago.
People that get their titillation from just being on a swinging site, post a few pictures and possibly chat.
It takes a massive amount of my time and effort to, first get to chat to someone then get to the stage of arranging a meet. So, if I do get to arrange one then I’m not going to screw all that hard work up by not turning up.
Plus, I genuinely want to meet people.
The Wannabes don’t care because they are getting what they want out of it by just being on here.
I think Fab needs to come up with a better system than the current one to out the “Wannabes”
I think the thing to remember is to not take it personally…. It’s them with the issue not you
X |
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By *harAndBryCouple
over a year ago
Peterborough / Stamford |
"Most of my interactions have been with couples + women over 35. Either didn't read my profile properly, or just ended up flaking on me. The two meets I have had are both with people under the age of 30. "
We've not had much success with couples, and none at all with at all with single women so can't say. But couples are the worst at not bothering to read profiles.
(Bry) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happens with couples and women too.
People like the idea of it, enjoy the chase , the flirting etc, but are too scared (for many reasons) to go through with it. They think it’s harmless, never thinking how annoying it is for the other party. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most of my interactions have been with couples + women over 35. Either didn't read my profile properly, or just ended up flaking on me. The two meets I have had are both with people under the age of 30.
We've not had much success with couples, and none at all with at all with single women so can't say. But couples are the worst at not bothering to read profiles.
(Bry)"
Yeah. A vast majority of couples that have messaged me expect me to be bi even though I'm listed as straight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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More than likely married or in a relationship. We've had it chatting then suddenly silent and you know the wife's walked in the room! Probably the same with meeting. They talk the talk, but can't walk the walk |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we know of 3 couples who have left fab just in dec 2021 alone these couples have been swinging for years got fed up with the lack of real swingers so now only do clubs as and when they want ... not good to lose couples or women when so many men are joining its just making men out numbered even more ..
just look at how many new men are joining just over xmas its mad i fear the site will eat itself .. i now put all new comers local to me on the block list so to keep the messages down |
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By *orl1971Couple
over a year ago
Glasgow |
To be fair single men to couples would appear to be the most common meet scenario so is bound to be the most cancelled scenario too you’d imagine.
The big issue with men versus couples is that you are always on alert that they are cheating on their partner. Yes there are cheating FWB couples and yes there are cheating women but the numbers are small compared to men. So if we have a suspicion about a guy and they then cancel at short notice with a “I forgot I was going on holiday” then we assume they are attached and have cancelled due to their wife possibly changing plans.
We’ve never had a couple cancel except for illness and it’s rare. They’re just a bit more reliable.
With single men there’s a big pool of other guys so it’s easy to move onto someone else. |
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"we know of 3 couples who have left fab just in dec 2021 alone these couples have been swinging for years got fed up with the lack of real swingers so now only do clubs as and when they want ... not good to lose couples or women when so many men are joining its just making men out numbered even more ..
just look at how many new men are joining just over xmas its mad i fear the site will eat itself .. i now put all new comers local to me on the block list so to keep the messages down"
I think it happens on both sides but agree clubs are a much safer bet- no expectations and very relaxed. I have been on and off this site for several years. I have only had a few meets but they all have been last minute. If I have planned time free my preference would be a club although a simple social is also easy to arrange too. I do feel sympathy for you though- we all live busy lives and when you are let down then it’s nots nice. Maybe arranging a social might help to sift out the charlatans? |
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"To be fair single men to couples would appear to be the most common meet scenario so is bound to be the most cancelled scenario too you’d imagine.
The big issue with men versus couples is that you are always on alert that they are cheating on their partner. Yes there are cheating FWB couples and yes there are cheating women but the numbers are small compared to men. So if we have a suspicion about a guy and they then cancel at short notice with a “I forgot I was going on holiday” then we assume they are attached and have cancelled due to their wife possibly changing plans.
We’ve never had a couple cancel except for illness and it’s rare. They’re just a bit more reliable.
With single men there’s a big pool of other guys so it’s easy to move onto someone else. "
Well put. As others have said going to a club will increase your chances significantly and at least you haven't wasted your night even if you don't play.
It may also be worthwhile checking peoples veris. Just my 2p worth. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
As many others have said in the thread, for me the only way now is just go along to a club with no expectations.
I chat to everyone and anyone, have a great social night and if there happens to be chemistry with someone, we don't have to think about checking calendars, looking for accommodation or that they won't look exactly like their profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Has happened to me many a time previously as a couple and now as a single male.
Is very annoying after you have made the effort to arrange something / travel only to be let down.
 |
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"NB: Below suggestion is a joke
Why not double triple book like hotels do lol"
Some years ago now a female friend of mine had a 4 guy meet set up.
Only one guy showed. They've been together since and left the site |
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"We’ve been let down twice by guys but never by a couple.
One guy apparently got told by a fwb she was pregnant so had to cancel at one hours notice to be with her. The other guy forgot he was going on holiday and got shitty when we asked how you forget you’re going on holiday two days before you’re leaving.
We no longer meet single guys as it’s not worth the hassle for the reasons above and a number of other reasons. For us couples are more reliable. "
pretty much exactly the same for us. |
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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
I've witnessed the problem from all sides.
There's been a surge of male keyboard warriors during the past 2 years of lockdowns, who are OK at building the chase and "talking the talk" but when it gets to the point when reality kicks in and someone wishes to meet, they lose their bottle and cannot "walk the walk!".
Equally, there are females and couples, though not as large a percentage, who are just as bad in letting others down. I've been let down a few times, often as late as getting to the front door after a 90 minute drive, and being told then, "we have changed our minds! Bye bye!"
All the checking, seeing Verifications, and trusting your own gut feelings won't ever get rid of this long running issue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've witnessed the problem from all sides.
There's been a surge of male keyboard warriors during the past 2 years of lockdowns, who are OK at building the chase and "talking the talk" but when it gets to the point when reality kicks in and someone wishes to meet, they lose their bottle and cannot "walk the walk!".
Equally, there are females and couples, though not as large a percentage, who are just as bad in letting others down. I've been let down a few times, often as late as getting to the front door after a 90 minute drive, and being told then, "we have changed our minds! Bye bye!"
All the checking, seeing Verifications, and trusting your own gut feelings won't ever get rid of this long running issue."
Yeah verifications aren't everything, a good chunk of my letdowns have been from well verified people. |
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for those that so far have suggested check verifications and photos and do checks ect ect (all of the above we do anyways) we get where you are coming from but yet again have been let down once again tonight after arranging to meet and sorting things out we get told they are going to a party they have "just" been invited to instead , we get couples and singles do it also but from our experience its men mainly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's crap OP. Do you speak to them on the phone or just on fab? Just wondering if that would help?
If not rant away..I think 4 meets in a row is taking the piss! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
I know some couples that will be talking to multiple people when looking. They’ll be free on a particular night, and tell all these people, and then it’s a case of first come first served and so the excuses come out for the others to keep them sweet for next time that they’re available.
Their justification is that if they concentrated on just one person when arranging a meet and it falls through; then that would be a waste of a night. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When theres too much talking on here before the planned 'meet' i get suspicious.
Most meets Ive had are arranged in minutes and 2 or 3 measages. Some people want the full DBS check then bail at the end. |
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"OP all I can say is for some reason you are making poor choices or not qualifying people well enough! Plenty great reliable men on here you just have to get better at finding them "
how else can you qualify people other than chatting on fab then kik and making sure they are who they say they are ect checking veris and the likes . just dont see why people get such a kick out of wasting peoples time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP all I can say is for some reason you are making poor choices or not qualifying people well enough! Plenty great reliable men on here you just have to get better at finding them
how else can you qualify people other than chatting on fab then kik and making sure they are who they say they are ect checking veris and the likes . just dont see why people get such a kick out of wasting peoples time "
A quick phone call normally verifies very quickly. Im not setting off fir a meet without a ogone nunber and house number and ideally a quick 5 sec chat, saying Im on my way.... |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before .
Unfortunately a very large proportion of the men on this site are fantasists… it’s the chase and talking about meeting that gets them going, and as a lot aren’t actually single it means they mess people about for their kicks without ever actually being able to meet"
^^^^^^^^ this ^^^^
Plus, I've lately learned to take everything people say with a pinch (or bucket) of salt. If I speak to somebody online and I gauge that they're talking too much about "what would we do and what would you do to me" etc, I've learned to recognise it as a sign of a cyberwanker who is about to blow a load and will never show up as promised. Of course that's only a tiny example out of different types of timewasters. |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
Hi OP. Just a question so I can understand without making assumptions: did all your no-show disappointments have to do with men you were about to meet for a 1st time, for sex, or was it also no-shows for a purely social 1st meet? |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
The same has happened to us with single guys on so many occasions. Within an hour of the planned meet it all goes quiet or we get some shitty excuse like "stuck working late in London". FFS. There are so many nice single guys out there, but just as many dreamers. Have only ever had a similar situation happen once with a couple.
Clubs are ok, but it's less intimate and doesn't feel like there's much of a build up.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even the genuine guys (some) get the thrill of the chase, then when they get a catch the thrill goes and cancel. I have done it like once.
Goes both ways. Yep plenty of fakes, goes with the territory. |
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Both as we always treat every meet as social to begin to make sure that the attraction and good vibes are there and to get to know the person or persons in question a little better , we are not on here to make our way through the entire site but more to meet select few that we can enjoy our time with |
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
"Both as we always treat every meet as social to begin to make sure that the attraction and good vibes are there and to get to know the person or persons in question a little better , we are not on here to make our way through the entire site but more to meet select few that we can enjoy our time with "
In that case, the only down-to-earth suggestion I can come up with as help is, if you have a swingers' club near you, arrange to meet a guy there. The more outlandish scenario I can suggest is, for the purposes of a sexy weekend, try speaking to more than 3 blokes at the same time. I don't know if you like gangbangs at all but if you do, speaking to more than 2 or 3 people at the same time for a sexy weekend will give you more chances of somebody showing up. Also, always exchange phone numbers with the intent of making a voice call before the arranged meet. It's probably not fool-proof but, like many, I've found that fakes will usually never speak on the phone before a meet. |
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This is the one reason I won't travel out of my city, I don't usually go much further than the end on the main road!
I've had wobbles, and cancelled on people, but always in good time, not at the time we should have been meeting or left them wondering. |
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So this has not happened to us, dare I say that and jinx us now.
We do not meet people without veris if that helps.
We also go to clubs and socials.
I also think that these times are not as easy as they used to be with people testing positive with covid.
Us as a couple had planned to go to xtasia this evening but hubby got a tummy bug so we are staying in. What if we had planned a meet and had to cancel we too could have been seen as time wasters.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
There are many time wasters, liars, cheats, fantasists here male, female and couple profiles, it’s the nature of the site and it won’t change
If you can’t spot them and choose well you have to take some responsibility for that, not everyone has the experience you are having , it’s works well for many of us |
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Just had a guy on here mail me “Hi” with a pic of himself.
I mailed saying thanks for mailing but your profile says straight?
He said he was passing & would I give him a bj.
I mailed him that he is under the misconception that I am desperate. I am not, but you are ignorant & selfish. Then blocked him.
Twats like that ruin this site.
Happy New Year people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just had a guy on here mail me “Hi” with a pic of himself.
I mailed saying thanks for mailing but your profile says straight?
He said he was passing & would I give him a bj.
I mailed him that he is under the misconception that I am desperate. I am not, but you are ignorant & selfish. Then blocked him.
Twats like that ruin this site.
Happy New Year people. "
Do you feel it was a productive use of your time to tell us all that? |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
If only we were nearer each other xx |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before .
If only we were nearer each other xx"
Thank you for the positivity. |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
Sadly, in our experience couples are far worse than single men.
That's why we only meet initially for a drink and chat.
That way, if it's a no show, had a nice evening together in the pub.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve also been ghosted by women and couples after arranging meets etc so it’s not just guys that do this.
Sadly, as said previously, people tend to tar us all with the same brush when I wouldn’t dream of messing people around. "
chances are you were not talking to women or couples and that they were in fact men,,
as for the ''we all get tarred with the same brush'' rubbish no you dont only the idoits who do wrong do ... stop blaming others for your experience |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"2 years ago a let down was unusual. Now it's every other meet. I was wondering if it was personal to me. Even guys I've met previously make plans then cancel last minute, so I can't say it's the newbies and wannabes to blame.
You're not alone, a lot of people are saying the same."
there are guys on here that once they've met you a few times and gained trust then use you as a back up plan ie say they wanna meet whiles carrying on to look for others then come back at the last min if nothing else turns up or back out if found someone else .. we had quite a few like this over the years ...when they start to go like this its a block and no more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP all I can say is for some reason you are making poor choices or not qualifying people well enough! Plenty great reliable men on here you just have to get better at finding them
how else can you qualify people other than chatting on fab then kik and making sure they are who they say they are ect checking veris and the likes . just dont see why people get such a kick out of wasting peoples time "
Sorry to here that you are having some back luck with meets OP hopefully your idea of arranging the borders social will help all in identifying who are less likely to cancel. |
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"It’s not a choice or an option for everyone. But this is why I prefer clubs. No time wasted, no expectations, a night out etc, meet others. Win win x"
Exactly this, we had so many guys let us down from here.90% let us down. When we have met guys in a club setting first and then arranged to meet at a later date - 100% have showed up as agreed. Clubs only for us now for the initial meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I simply don't get it. If you're here trying to arrange a meet you should be wanting the meet, it's just insanity to be doing it otherwise. If only there was some kind of bond system where both parties put a deposit in and if the other fails to show they get the cash and the no show gets blocked from the site - that would stop most of them! Closest thing would be 50/50 on a hotel? |
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"I simply don't get it. If you're here trying to arrange a meet you should be wanting the meet, it's just insanity to be doing it otherwise. If only there was some kind of bond system where both parties put a deposit in and if the other fails to show they get the cash and the no show gets blocked from the site - that would stop most of them! Closest thing would be 50/50 on a hotel?"
Problem is there are a lot of guys on here living in fantasy and just adding to their wank bank. It is so prevalent that even couples like us that like to meet single guys won't direct from this site. We always tell them to meet us at a club. The vast majority never do but we still have a good night, so it's their loss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
Because nearly all of them are married.there are only so many mates who need a lift.lol |
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"thats what we are thinking as people cant hide behind a keyboard then , beyond a joke now to the point our faith in the scene is non existant "
The scene as i see it takes place in the clubs and at parties - then people use this site to stay connected to those they meet. I'm guessing, but i reckon only 25-30 of genuine meets on Fab come from people meeting on here - i bet the rest happen between people that first met at a club. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before .
It’s not just men I’m afraid. I’ve had similar situations when planning on meeting single women or couples.
Can’t say it’s something that I have ever done.
That said life does sometimes through a spanner in the works no matter how genuine somebody is.
I do feel your frustration though.
It’s guys like you refer to give the genuine ones like myself a bad name.
Try not to tar everybody with the same brush, though
C x"
Hear, hear. Quite a few people like the idea of meeting, but don't heave enough courage to meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our experience when we’re ready to meet.
Brief message exchange with about 10 guys.
5 will shortlist.
2 will agree to meet sometime this month.
1 will turn up.
We insist on a WhatsApp / message off Fab and a short social before arranging a hotel.
Thins the herd a bit but still plenty of fantasists out there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would ask for the guy to book the hotel and send confirmation, I know it probably sounds silly but really a true gent would book the hotel anyway surely. I’m not an expert but at least if they change their mind you only waste your time not money :-/ |
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Ive had the same experience of men on other sites wanting to meet a cd when chatted for ages and arranging meet only for it to be cancelled last minute or treated like dirt when got to their place.
They say "I didn't know you are disabled and then tell me to f;.k off |
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"I would ask for the guy to book the hotel and send confirmation, I know it probably sounds silly but really a true gent would book the hotel anyway surely. I’m not an expert but at least if they change their mind you only waste your time not money :-/"
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"Same with couples. We have noticed a decline over the last year or so (since Covid) of couples who seem to be here just to chat and with little intention to meet. Even since the easing of restrictions and “better” patches when the virus isn’t quite as prevalent. Trying to keep the faith but yep - a lot of time wasters. "
Everyone is missing "The work from home rule"
Even years ago we ( I was then a cpl profile) had couples and singles not turning up.
My wife would be fuming, as she spent ages getting ready.
So in the end it was just two clubs we went to.
Times change, but people don't
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely happens on both sides, but I'd rather folk were upfront about only wanting to chat rather than pretending they want to meet till they find someone better.."
This ...being upfront and not being selfish  |
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"Ive had the same experience of men on other sites wanting to meet a cd when chatted for ages and arranging meet only for it to be cancelled last minute or treated like dirt when got to their place.
They say "I didn't know you are disabled and then tell me to f;.k off"
They all said the 'disabled line' to you? I cant believe a guy accommodated, and it actually occurred, must have been detached, wife not just away, in another country. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We only met couples and have had zero success on this site compared to clubs. Though on the bright side it has puttered out before we left our home to go anywhere and we've not been left hanging in a bar or something. Still frustrating to waste an evening waiting for a response. |
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"We get that couples and single females do not also but we are not alone with it being predominately men that waste peoples time . "
Married/have partners.
Avoid any guy who says can't accommodate on profile? |
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"I don't looking for meet!"
You don't looking for meet with anyone? Don't looking for meet with a specific group?
Or if dont looking for anyone, anything anytime at all, what do looking for?
Im intrigued, all other stuff nice and sparkly and lovely. Hoping for a twist somewhere |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
Because so many of them are just dreamers, or use this site for want material and then when they actually message someone and it gets as far as meet when all they wanted was some sex talk they get cold feet...the amount of men we have spoken to on here and when we mention having a social they always says yeah that would be good but make no effort to plan that even when we ask them when would suit them we never hear back from them then weeks down the line the same guy msgs again and we have the same conversation and bang they disappear again..its just plain rude and if they don't want to use the site as its meant for then they need to just bugger off. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If only I knew the technique of these timewasters. I would use their successful techniques to arrange meets and actually turn up.
Fab life would be so much better"
Hahaha
Good point |
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We’ve just been called sad pathetic fakes for not replying to messages
But we’ve always had good lines of communication before a meet exchanging numbers etc but prefer clubs for this exact reason it’s cuts out all the bullshit. |
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"easier said than done when the last 4 meets we have planned have all been put to a sharp stop with shitty excuses
"
There are timewaster of both sex's and there are genuine, I do my best to be genuine xx |
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"Verifications from others always help making decision if some one going to let you down. Correct me if I am wrong. Agree?"
100% we look at verifications and the people who verified them it all ads to the credibility |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friends of mine on here have been sent to wrong addresses, booked hotel rooms and even have a married guy they know pose as a couple posting pictures of someone completely different. What makes people do it???? |
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"Interesting post as 12 of your 25 verifications have come from single men. I wonder how they would feel.
I feel your frustrations, but tarring everyone with the same brush is somewhat unfair. "
I wouldn’t say we are tarring everyone with the same brush as we still give a chance to men. However you saying that 12 of our Veris are from single men.. some of them are single men we’ve met at private parties/events. Not ones we have had first hand sexual meets with. |
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Why likewise do women and couples? I only say this because I had similar experiences with some women when I was a single guy on here. To be fair in my opinion its annoying but I wouldn't want to be with anyone who's not 100% into meeting up with me. Any no one owes you their time or body just because you've invested something in them. Granted I'd prefer not to be messed around especially when my biggest commodity is time. However it's better than then wasting even more time by actually meeting and spending time with someone who's not down for it.
And I think _ased on my Single experience on Fab why we generally use clubs to meet people, not fab. Everyone at a club is generally there for the same reasons. In a club you go, know there's going to be people to meet and after a couple of minutes of talking you know if there's attraction or not. If there isn't attraction you move on and find someone else. Also if its working really well you can get physical then and there (and do the same with others the same night if it goes really well). Plus if you find something that works you can always arrange something outside of the club another time. In our opinion clubs are best places to get results and to avoid getting messed around. |
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"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
Something I'd never do |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"why do men in particular use so many stupid excuses as to why they cant meet all of a sudden after chatting and arranging something . beyond a joke now how many times this has happened resulting in loss of money due to traveling ect to the point we now refuse to travel unless we have met before ."
It goes both ways women do this as well might not be as much but theirs no smoke without fire |
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By *m389Man
over a year ago
Bromley |
I have a theory. The men that get your attention are the ones who beef themselves up so when the time comes they can’t deliver.
The normal men, much more down to earth and modest don’t capture attention so are missed. |
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By *oobaaMan
over a year ago
South Shields |
Its not just men though is it?
Sadly this site is full of people who get a kick out of wasting peoples time.
My latest is a couple who I arranged a meet with. They were well verified locally and all seemed ok.
I booked a national chain hotel in the area and times were agreed to meet.
Come the night time ...total silence.
Next day they are displaying a new verification. So, I know Ive been bumped for someone else, but why the hell could they not just be honest and tell me. |
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