FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Transwomen - a primer for the curious/unaware.

Transwomen - a primer for the curious/unaware.

By *alice OP Woman over a year ago

Birmingham

I thought I'd put together a post based on some common themes I see on the forums about transgendered women.

Caveat - We're all diferrent, so some transwomen won't agree with everything in this list, so the golden rule is get to know us, treat us as individuals, and ask us respectful questions if you're not sure.

Hopefully though this will help the trans curious/admirers/wannabe allies get a little more educated on some common misconceptions and basic do's and don'ts.

In no particular order:

1) gender and sexuality are diferrent. We don't all like men, we aren't all submissive, and you can't assume preference or role. It's common for transwomen to be more fluid in sexuality with hormone therapy, but don't assume. We are as diverse in sexuality as any other group.

2) chick's with dicks, shemales, ladyboys are terms that are rarely used outside of porn. And most of only describe ourselves as transgender because it helps people understand what we are. Most of us self identify and would prefer to be recognised and referred to as women, and we hugely appreciate it if you'd do that. Its why the 'transwomen are women' message is so important. It's not a statement of biological equivalence, but a statement of identity.

3) we aren't a new phenomenon and we aren't going anywhere. We've been documented for thousands of years in just about every culture you can think of. Quoting reproductive biology at us is a waste of time. We'd rather you spent your time thinking in humanistic terms about how we can be integrated into society rather than being told why we aren't real.

4) we know many of you admirers fantasise about being fucked by a beautifully presented femme with breasts and a nice hard dick. But that's rare outside of porn. Our birth genitalia cause most of us massive dysphoria, and most of us will have to manage that for our whole lives. Some won't want it touched, some will take an 'I'm stuck with it so I'll use it because otherwise I'm denying myself pleasure' approach, but most of us would get rid of it if we could. Surgery is expensive, has ridiculous waiting lists, has limited provision on the NHS and is a significant operation with real risks and intensive aftercare. Transgender tops who can perform are generally found either in porn or escorting, and mainly able to do that because they aren't on hormones and doing it to help fund surgery.

Most transwomen will pursue hormone therapy, and commonly that will lead to a drastic reduction in size and ability to get an erection. So in short - if you're looking for a busty enthusiastic penis user you're going to be disappointed and most likely insult us.

5) being transgender isn't a sexual thing. We don't transition to become women - we always were from an identity perspective- and we aren't defined by our genitals. We transition to help make dysphoria more bearable and to lead authentic, visible lives. Pre-op women are just as valid as post-op, and we aren't cats so stop trying to see whats between our legs to work out our gender.

6) We didn't choose to be transgender any more than gay people choose to be gay. We can't explain it, or point to a cause, we just 'know'. Most of us would really appreciate it if you didn't fetishise us, and we aren't here to help you explore your 'bi side'. Find a man to help you do that.

6) don't ask us if we are convincing or if we pass. Those terms are based on misogynistic beauty standards. We work hard on our appearance as we have a lot of birth biology stacked against us. Testosterone blockers and estrogen are wonderfully powerful things but they aren't miracles. You're under no obligation to find us attractive but don't be an arsehole about it if you don't.

7) some of are blessed with femme sounding vocal registers, some of us are prepared to put the time in to do vocal feminisation exercises, but don't expect most of us to sound like biological women. We're working with what we can and there's only so much many of us can do. Hormone therapy does nothing vocally for transwomen, unlike transmen.

8) we have very little in common with crossdressers and/or transvestites. That's not a criticism of those groups, but this isn't roleplay for us, we're women. We don't have a female persona, and generally speaking our interests, personalities and preferences don't fluctuate once we come out or based on what we're wearing. Sending us messages like ' you look hot I love wearing my wife's knickers and playing with tvs and trans' is a sure fire way to let us know you don't understand us. Unless its a specific and personal bedroom preference that you've established we like, calling us sluts or whores or whatever else is a hard no and likely to get you exactly the same response as if you said that to a ciswoman.

9) many of have complex mental health pictures because we've managed dysphoria and wrestled with identity our whole lives, not to mention fear of acceptance, belonging, and the increased risks we face in society and with our health. We aren't trans because we are mentally ill, and the psychiatric community has started to accept this and changed its classifications over the last few years to reflect this. We aren't looking for special treatment , and we don't have life any more difficult than any other marginalised group, but if you're an admirer or ally we'd appreciate your support and you being vocal in that support.

Finally to my trans sisters I'd like to reiterate I'm not speaking for you so if some of the above doesn't resonate with you, I respect and understand that, just trying to address some common misconceptions.

And anyone-If you have any genuine and polite questions I'll do my best to answer.

This is a really long post so if you've got this far, thankyou. 3

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By *arieTsTV/TS over a year ago

Wrexham

Great post!

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By * Sophie xTV/TS over a year ago

Derby

Beautifully worded and simple to understand, I hope this is read in the way in which it is intended and gets a few folk thinking differently to how they do currently

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By *oannefife1982TV/TS over a year ago

Fife

What an amazing post I just hope more read it to understand.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Brilliant and true xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thanks for sharing Malice, it is very informative and it does cover pretty much a lot of stuff.

Especially loved the “don’t call us trannies”

I had a message yesterday from a guy who said

“So you’re a tranny”

What a charmer…

Luckily it doesn’t happen a lot, but it does bother me, (and it bothers me when some say “omg the prettiest tv!! ….. like wtf)

also I’m finding wording to be very important

For me, trans obviously is part of me and it is important, but it isn’t all that makes me me.

So my emphasis on it is second, and I prefer to say I’m a girl who is trans, or I’m a girl of trans experience.

Id say I’m pretty bog standard white bread, I like men , always have and the rest you can imagine x

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By *elkieWoman over a year ago

Durham

Thankyou!

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By *alice OP Woman over a year ago

Birmingham

"Thanks for sharing Malice, it is very informative and it does cover pretty much a lot of stuff.

Especially loved the “don’t call us trannies”

I had a message yesterday from a guy who said

“So you’re a tranny”

What a charmer…

Luckily it doesn’t happen a lot, but it does bother me, (and it bothers me when some say “omg the prettiest tv!! ….. like wtf)

also I’m finding wording to be very important

For me, trans obviously is part of me and it is important, but it isn’t all that makes me me.

So my emphasis on it is second, and I prefer to say I’m a girl who is trans, or I’m a girl of trans experience.

Id say I’m pretty bog standard white bread, I like men , always have and the rest you can imagine x

Absolutely. I'm proud to be part of the T in LGBT but its not the sum total of my identity, and I'm a woman at heart.

It'd be nice if it hadn't taken me so long to come to terms with it all and admit it but regret is such a futile exercise and I'm just trying to make the most of it now.

Thanks to everyone else for the kind comments - and the eye roll that helpfully bumped the post.

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By *ane DTV/TS over a year ago

London - till 25th

"Thanks for sharing Malice, it is very informative and it does cover pretty much a lot of stuff.

Especially loved the “don’t call us trannies”

I had a message yesterday from a guy who said

“So you’re a tranny”

What a charmer…

Luckily it doesn’t happen a lot, but it does bother me, (and it bothers me when some say “omg the prettiest tv!! ….. like wtf)

also I’m finding wording to be very important

For me, trans obviously is part of me and it is important, but it isn’t all that makes me me.

So my emphasis on it is second, and I prefer to say I’m a girl who is trans, or I’m a girl of trans experience.

Id say I’m pretty bog standard white bread, I like men , always have and the rest you can imagine x

Absolutely. I'm proud to be part of the T in LGBT but its not the sum total of my identity, and I'm a woman at heart.

It'd be nice if it hadn't taken me so long to come to terms with it all and admit it but regret is such a futile exercise and I'm just trying to make the most of it now.

Thanks to everyone else for the kind comments - and the eye roll that helpfully bumped the post."

Very well written, congratulations and thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Great post, thank you!

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By *jb1811Man over a year ago

Plymouth

I ways find it awkward why I'm attracted to trans women. I totally get, understand and agree with everything on OP, and I like to think I wouldn't do anything to upset a ts I meet. I do totally see you as women, but for some reason I find it so hot, and never understood why.

I feel bad for fetishising someone's very existence, especially since it can be quite a big struggle for lots of you.

Great OP though.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Thanks for sharing Malice, it is very informative and it does cover pretty much a lot of stuff.

Especially loved the “don’t call us trannies”

I had a message yesterday from a guy who said

“So you’re a tranny”

What a charmer…

Luckily it doesn’t happen a lot, but it does bother me, (and it bothers me when some say “omg the prettiest tv!! ….. like wtf)

also I’m finding wording to be very important

For me, trans obviously is part of me and it is important, but it isn’t all that makes me me.

So my emphasis on it is second, and I prefer to say I’m a girl who is trans, or I’m a girl of trans experience.

Id say I’m pretty bog standard white bread, I like men , always have and the rest you can imagine x

Absolutely. I'm proud to be part of the T in LGBT but its not the sum total of my identity, and I'm a woman at heart.

It'd be nice if it hadn't taken me so long to come to terms with it all and admit it but regret is such a futile exercise and I'm just trying to make the most of it now.

Thanks to everyone else for the kind comments - and the eye roll that helpfully bumped the post."

Green arrow the eye

Roll seems to appear alot xxx

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By *alice OP Woman over a year ago

Birmingham

"I ways find it awkward why I'm attracted to trans women. I totally get, understand and agree with everything on OP, and I like to think I wouldn't do anything to upset a ts I meet. I do totally see you as women, but for some reason I find it so hot, and never understood why.

I feel bad for fetishising someone's very existence, especially since it can be quite a big struggle for lots of you.

Great OP though. "

That's very honest of you so thanks for contributing. There's nothing wrong with finding an aspect of someone's personality, appearance or some other characteristic hot. We all have aspects we find particularly desirable.

I think the key thing is recognising the person first and foremost. If you have a thing for transwomen, or women of colour, or plus size women or whatever else it might be - thats cool as long as you uphold them as human beings first and foremost.

There's nothing more demeaning than being chased by someone who you know wouldn't want to be seen dead with you if their mates were around, or is only interested in you because you're ticking off some taboo bucket list they have.

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By *jb1811Man over a year ago

Plymouth

Totally get that, and yeah, I certainly wouldn't ever feel the need to hide being with a trans woman at all.

And I still need to like them as a person, ultimately my attraction is to femininity, and with that I need to enjoy their company too. Whether trans, cis, TV, effeminate man...

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

fantastic informative post x

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By *AM2214Man over a year ago

Manchester Area

What a great read...

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By *edantic SheilaWoman over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I have learnt a lot . Thank you OP for sharing this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel bad for fetishising someone's very existence, especially since it can be quite a big struggle for lots of you.

Great OP though.

This totally!! I tend to avoid trans chasers, and by that it means someone who’s only interested by the fact that I’m trans. It gives me the ick as I’m a person first, woman second and third I’m trans (an adjective to state that I wasn’t born a biological woman)

So those who do end up fetishising, get the axe.

Generally speaking I do prefer guys who have little to no experience with girls like us.

But I agree that I certainly don’t want a guy who’d be ashamed to tell his mates that he’s dating me. That’s another no-no

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One of the best posts on the topic I’ve ever seen here Malice, thank you for summing it up so nicely.

It should get pinned as a “must read” post

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By *orkshireDrifterMan over a year ago

Nafferton, nr Driffield.

Thank you for such a enlightening post.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Very interesting indeed..ime not one for labels tho..i dont fancy men only women..but a sexy woman with a fully functional penis i find a huge turn on..i dont care what someone labels me for that..it is what it is..we are all differnt...what turns us on is our business eh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

What do you mean by “you aren’t a woman”

By no means anyone who has transitioned has ever claimed to be a biological woman, but if someone has, it’d be (obviously) not true.

Having said that, am I woman? Yes. Me being a woman Is dictated by my brain (some refer it to a soul)

Trans only refers to the fact that I went across to align my brain with my exterior.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 09/12/21 14:32:13]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

So, in a post designed to help others to understand how we feel and to help their chances of understanding us, you come along and deny the very principle of what we believe.

What did you hope to gain by this?

No one was asking for your opinion on it, if you want to state your opinion go and start your own thread about it.

You’re free to believe what you want to believe but coming onto a thread like this and denying our belief just makes you look like a horrid human.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

So, in a post designed to help others to understand how we feel and to help their chances of understanding us, you come along and deny the very principle of what we believe.

What did you hope to gain by this?

No one was asking for your opinion on it, if you want to state your opinion go and start your own thread about it.

You’re free to believe what you want to believe but coming onto a thread like this and denying our belief just makes you look like a horrid human."

Totally agree!

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By *ave1963BarnsleyMan over a year ago

Barnsley

Brilliant post _alice. I'm friends with a Trans lady on Fab and we've had a few discussions about public perception etc.

Most people really are still in the dark ages on the subject, not helped by a mainstream media that seeks to fetishise any body who doesn't fit the male, female, heterosexual, social "norm".

Thanks so much for sharing. Just reading your post makes me want to sit down with you over a cuppa and have a chat. x

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By *umslaveTV/TS over a year ago

Sheffield

Thank you for posting that. I have terrible trouble with my gender and dysphoria and I wish every man who messaged me could read your post. I ask for female pronouns in my profile and ask for men to treat me as a woman but it doesn't usually take long for them to say they can't wait to suck my cock and it's an instant turn off and totally destroys me inside. All I want is to be treated exactly like you'd treat a woman, that can't be asking too much. I don't like to moan but I hate the thought of having to give a lecture to all the men who message me for a meet. I don't want my penis touched really on a meet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash.

What do you mean by “you aren’t a woman”

By no means anyone who has transitioned has ever claimed to be a biological woman, but if someone has, it’d be (obviously) not true.

Having said that, am I woman? Yes. Me being a woman Is dictated by my brain (some refer it to a soul)

Trans only refers to the fact that I went across to align my brain with my exterior.

Trans movement needs a huge reality check.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

Also it is clear you have no clue what it means to transition and live a true to self life, and that’s shown by how you even insinuated how claiming a Ladies toilet (I picked an example) is for extremists………………….

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Trans movement needs a huge reality check. "

Again, that has nothing to do with OP’s post, stop trying to hijack this one and start your own thread

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By *alice OP Woman over a year ago

Birmingham

Thanks to the majority. Its nice go see cis men and women offering their support. It's much needed at the moment due to the odd post above.

I didnt want to make the original post political so I avoided the much amplified but small choir of exclusionary feminist brigade. I've never been made to feel unwelcome in what are traditionally women's spaces, and I've never felt I've made a cis woman uncomfortable by being there.

Where do people think we go? To the gents? We inherit the same risks as cis women when it comes to assault, misogyny, sexual harassment, and indeed much of the same health risks. We're at enhanced risk of strokes, and need to undertake breast screenings etc. The notion that we are a threat to womens spaces has no basis in fact.

I trust the good people of fab to decide who seems go be taking a human, empathetic and integrated approach to how we all live together.

And Dave, I've been saying to friends for years that we will look back on these times as a 2nd Dark Ages Where for all our technological advances we still couldn't see and accommodate humanity in people who speak diferrent languages, have diferrent skin pigmentation, worship diferrent gods and reject traditional societal constructs of identity.

Sex and gender are not the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well written.

I also find it funny that crossdressers and TVs on here are the one's that disagree.

Fab really needs to seperate the TS/TV genders.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Brilliant post OP. As the mother of a trans son, thank you for explaining so beautifully what so many fail to understand xx

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By *ity_BoyMan over a year ago

London

Trans women are women

Also, fuck TERFs.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

I'm a woman

But love my tv friends

You see I don't judge

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Trans women are women

Also, fuck TERFs."

Fuck TERFs!!!

The arguments of some, really are ridiculous!! X

And yes trans women are women, trans men are men. End of

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By *ity_BoyMan over a year ago

London

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

This is just shows how ignorant you are about this.

What you've mentioned is just a strawman argument much like cotton ceiling.

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By *umslaveTV/TS over a year ago

Sheffield

I consider myself genderfuid and I struggle with all sorts of different feelings of dysphoria around my body on a daily basis. I'm always hoping that I can treat Fab as a safe space. I've always been too frightened to come out to the people I know. I feel isolated and lonely and I just want people to be nice to everyone. I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi, pan or whatever.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

Back lash

I face no backlash

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well written.

I also find it funny that crossdressers and TVs on here are the one's that disagree.

Fab really needs to seperate the TS/TV genders. "

It takes a lot of courage to jump into the unknown , to basically have a rebirth.

Because that’s how it is.

But yes, transvestites / crossdressers aren’t the same as trans x especially if the first do it as a kink or fetish.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I consider myself genderfuid and I struggle with all sorts of different feelings of dysphoria around my body on a daily basis. I'm always hoping that I can treat Fab as a safe space. I've always been too frightened to come out to the people I know. I feel isolated and lonely and I just want people to be nice to everyone. I don't care if you're gay, straight, bi, pan or whatever.

Beautiful xxx

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By *amMan over a year ago

Ilford

As someone attracted to transgender women (as well as cis women) I really like the points op and others have made. My attraction to transgender women isn't a fetish but rather appreciating woman who have the strength of character to want the world to see them as they see themselves.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

Reality check; you’re a tv. Someone who dresses as the opposite gender for sexual reasons.

Please don’t waste your breath on a subject you know nothing about.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

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By *aughtycheshirecoupleCouple over a year ago

Cheshire

Beautifully described and very informative. Thank you for taking the time to write this

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By *uzie69xTV/TS over a year ago

Maidstone

Firstly, OP, great post! It deserves a "sticky" so stays at the top of forum!

"Reality check; you’re a tv. Someone who dresses as the opposite gender for sexual reasons. Please don’t waste your breath on a subject you know nothing about."

There was a time, like you, I would take offence at Simone's post but I think you miss her point. Certainly we don't need to get into the trans hierarchy.

What the Kathleen Stock saga teaches us is that we can exist too much in our echo chamber. Yes, of course we must speak up against TERFs but not attack them.

BTW I loved Lorraine's interview of Kathleen Stock... She is being controversial so she can publicise the book she's just written... Our Lorraine was dismissive without attacking her ...

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By *1bttmMan over a year ago

Shoreditch east London

OP.....Respect

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not goinng to lie

I feel like posts like this do more harm than good. We are a community that should be supporting of one another

But comments made by certain people shows they think they are better than me

the same peopple who will say thet the "trans tiers" dont exist are the same ones perpetuating it

I label myself a TV, but i dont dress for sexual pleasue. So what am I? Obviously im not allowed in your little club because for what reason im not lucky to be like you

These areguments just make me fucking depressed tbh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's very informative, thank you.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Not goinng to lie

I feel like posts like this do more harm than good. We are a community that should be supporting of one another

But comments made by certain people shows they think they are better than me

the same peopple who will say thet the "trans tiers" dont exist are the same ones perpetuating it

I label myself a TV, but i dont dress for sexual pleasue. So what am I? Obviously im not allowed in your little club because for what reason im not lucky to be like you

These areguments just make me fucking depressed tbh"

We are all the same xxxx

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Chloe no one is better than you xx

Whatever one is be you be unique and have fun xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not goinng to lie

I feel like posts like this do more harm than good. We are a community that should be supporting of one another

But comments made by certain people shows they think they are better than me

the same peopple who will say thet the "trans tiers" dont exist are the same ones perpetuating it

I label myself a TV, but i dont dress for sexual pleasue. So what am I? Obviously im not allowed in your little club because for what reason im not lucky to be like you

These areguments just make me fucking depressed tbh"

I get this totally.

Same as Abby. There is a big part of her that feels feminine. She dresses because it brings her comfort,it feels natural,it’s not for any sexual kick or gratification. She’s not defined by what she has between her legs.

However, she doesn’t want to transition, she also doesn’t want to dress 24/7 but she doesn’t stop feeling feminine even when she’s in male mode.

So what does this make her? Quite simply she’s in some kind of no man’s land (pardon the pun)

The OP’s thread IS highly informative but not everyone fits neatly into a certain category.

No matter what your reason for dressing you all deserve respect and should support each other.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Not goinng to lie

I feel like posts like this do more harm than good. We are a community that should be supporting of one another

But comments made by certain people shows they think they are better than me

the same peopple who will say thet the "trans tiers" dont exist are the same ones perpetuating it

I label myself a TV, but i dont dress for sexual pleasue. So what am I? Obviously im not allowed in your little club because for what reason im not lucky to be like you

These areguments just make me fucking depressed tbh

I get this totally.

However, she doesn’t want to transition, she also doesn’t want to dress 24/7 but she doesn’t stop feeling feminine even when she’s in male mode.

So what does this make her? Quite simply she’s in some kind of no man’s land (pardon the pun)

The OP’s thread IS highly informative but not everyone fits neatly into a certain category.

No matter what your reason for dressing you all deserve respect and should support each other.

Xxxxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not goinng to lie

I feel like posts like this do more harm than good. We are a community that should be supporting of one another

But comments made by certain people shows they think they are better than me

the same peopple who will say thet the "trans tiers" dont exist are the same ones perpetuating it

I label myself a TV, but i dont dress for sexual pleasue. So what am I? Obviously im not allowed in your little club because for what reason im not lucky to be like you

These areguments just make me fucking depressed tbh

I get this totally.

However, she doesn’t want to transition, she also doesn’t want to dress 24/7 but she doesn’t stop feeling feminine even when she’s in male mode.

So what does this make her? Quite simply she’s in some kind of no man’s land (pardon the pun)

The OP’s thread IS highly informative but not everyone fits neatly into a certain category.

No matter what your reason for dressing you all deserve respect and should support each other.

It sounds to me that you are potentially transgender pre transitioning, but for whatever personal situation or reason you have, might not feel like it’s an option for you (yet or, never. That’s your decision)

But you can’t deny that there are men who just like the put panties (or whatever) on for the kicks of it, and just fetishises wearing Women’s clothes. And can I say that I am personally not a fan?

Regarding what Chloe said about the community turning on each other because there are “tiers”, well look who started first attacking, by saying … “you aren’t a woman, but you can just call yourself trans woman”

btw for those who know… who the heck goes around saying yeah .. I’m so and so.. and im a TRANSwoman

Being trans is for me and then for the ones I strictly want to disclose it to - but for the rest. I’m sorry but no , they don’t need to know from me if I don’t want to , and no, I don’t have to share my journey with every single person on the planet either

I’m going off to a tangent here, my point being is that that person has been disrespectful and by also mentioning that women or men like us, we can’t use toilets and the facilities of the gender we transitioned to, is just INSANE. And clearly knows nothing while still being part of said community by dressing up.

Shouldn’t that person know better???

I think Malice has done quite an informative post that handles transgender issues , and I praise her for that cos it covers some decent points

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By *adyJayneWoman over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash. "

And women, be they cis or trans should have access to all of those things. Because... Wait for it...

They are women.

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By *umslaveTV/TS over a year ago

Sheffield

I often feel like I should transition or that I could but I can't. Sometimes I feel a total failure for that and I hate the life I lead and the body I have. Lots of men fetishise me and I must admit that I often allow myself to be fetishised just to be able to feel and iota of who I really am.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I often feel like I should transition or that I could but I can't. Sometimes I feel a total failure for that and I hate the life I lead and the body I have. Lots of men fetishise me and I must admit that I often allow myself to be fetishised just to be able to feel and iota of who I really am.

Its not easy transitioning

Alot of people want to but circumstances wont allow it xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You aren't a woman.

You are a transwoman. Nothing wrong with that but that is the reality.

What has aggravated so many is the extremist who are demanding access to female changing rooms/female wc/female prisons/female r ape crisis centres/female sports.

Trans need to realise that it's not going down well with the vast majority of society & leading to a backlash.

And women, be they cis or trans should have access to all of those things. Because... Wait for it...

They are women. "

EXACTLY! And men, be they cis or trans should have to access those things because they are MEN!

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By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

I have been reading alot about trans people as well as radical feminist literature.

I support the rights of people to choose their identity, live to their full potential, have respect and real equality in society.

I have an issue with being called a "cis" woman. I would like to be referred to as a person.

I don't understand when others say they feel like a certain gender, as it appears to include stereotypes of that gender.

I feel women have had so many struggles and continue to have. Many of us have experienced sexual violation,male aggression and disrespectful behaviors.dismissing feminist concerns about trans women is unhelpful. I'm a feminist - not anti men or anybody. Anti injustice. Just my thoughts.

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By *heDesiCandiTV/TS over a year ago

Leicester

Love love love

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been reading alot about trans people as well as radical feminist literature.

I support the rights of people to choose their identity, live to their full potential, have respect and real equality in society.

I have an issue with being called a "cis" woman. I would like to be referred to as a person.

I don't understand when others say they feel like a certain gender, as it appears to include stereotypes of that gender.

Saying cis only comes into place when there needs to be made a difference between a trans woman and a biological woman.

I used to say a “normal woman” to point out cis women, which..made me feel not normal?!

Also, like you don’t like to be called cis, I don’t like to be always referred as trans. That’s the same concept really because cis is the opposite of trans

Hope I’m making sense?

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

This topic gets tired

We are all human

No labels please

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By *uzie69xTV/TS over a year ago

Maidstone

"Chloe no one is better than you xx

Whatever one is be you be unique and have fun xx"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been reading alot about trans people as well as radical feminist literature.

I support the rights of people to choose their identity, live to their full potential, have respect and real equality in society.

I have an issue with being called a "cis" woman. I would like to be referred to as a person.

I don't understand when others say they feel like a certain gender, as it appears to include stereotypes of that gender.

Last but not least I totally agree with the last bit. I think all those things U mentioned are experience across the board, when it comes being a woman.

Be it a woman like yourself, or a woman like me. At different degrees and intensity of course, but I did get the spiel from certain feminist women who said “but you have no idea really”

To me it shouldn’t be an Olympic of who got it worst. We are all women, we all bring different things on the table, and have different experiences after all . But yeah, some get it worse from men, some not as bad. But we are definitely experiencing what is really a misogynistic behaviour (whether it’s cat call, or sexual assault or whatever)

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By *uzie69xTV/TS over a year ago

Maidstone

"This topic gets tired

We are all human

No labels please "

It's clear we are on our life journeys at different points. Stick in there sister, we're all in this together!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been reading alot about trans people as well as radical feminist literature.

I support the rights of people to choose their identity, live to their full potential, have respect and real equality in society.

I have an issue with being called a "cis" woman. I would like to be referred to as a person.

I don't understand when others say they feel like a certain gender, as it appears to include stereotypes of that gender.

I get what you are saying and completely agree, I really dislike being referred to as cis, don’t impose a label on me, I’m a women. I am fully supportive of every person and have no issue with anything but I don’t want to be referred to as cis.

I can only imagine the struggles that the trans community face and they have my full support

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been reading alot about trans people as well as radical feminist literature.

I support the rights of people to choose their identity, live to their full potential, have respect and real equality in society.

I have an issue with being called a "cis" woman. I would like to be referred to as a person.

I don't understand when others say they feel like a certain gender, as it appears to include stereotypes of that gender.

I can only imagine the struggles that the trans community face and they have my full support

Exactly! But hence why the person who suggested that we have to out ourselves and say “we are trans women”

It’s the same concept that you just described

Happy to go into details but for me, this label is for myself, and I’ll disclose it to whoever I want or not want x

Hence why for me trans always come second

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By *uzie69xTV/TS over a year ago

Maidstone

"There are men who just like the put panties (or whatever) on for the kicks of it, and just fetishises wearing Women’s clothes. And can I say that I am personally not a fan?"

You may not be a fan but please respect and don't judge others who can't be "convincing" and will always stick out, whether they like it or not. Besides I can't claim to like all "kinks" but your distaste for HPWs may be a bit too triggering? May I suggest, be worth some reflection?

If you can be "stealth", I always think you're doing a Michael Jackson who was ashamed of his past and trying to erase it. That can't be healthy?

Finally if some Men (and Women) find trans kinky, that is their problem. Stop blaming the victim.

Me? I'm Asian and trans. That just screams to be exoticised... And as they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"This topic gets tired

We are all human

No labels please

It's clear we are on our life journeys at different points. Stick in there sister, we're all in this together!"

Girl I'm good just labels are not for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are men who just like the put panties (or whatever) on for the kicks of it, and just fetishises wearing Women’s clothes. And can I say that I am personally not a fan?

If you can be "stealth", I always think you're doing a Michael Jackson who was ashamed of his past and trying to erase it. That can't be healthy?

Finally if some Men (and Women) find trans kinky, that is their problem. Stop blaming the victim.

Me? I'm Asian and trans. That just screams to be exoticised... And as they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

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By *alice OP Woman over a year ago

Birmingham

I absolutely understand that and avoid using any labels wherever possible unless it's absolutely necessary to make a distinction.

I'm a big advocate of intersectionalism and recognise everyone's life is unique and their journey comes with its own challenges and perspectives.

I help run a support group for people who are trans and we are inclusive of gender non conforming or questioning so anyone who thinks im exclusionary to people who are dressers, TV or just not sure is wide of the mark, and I tried to make it clear in the original post that there was no implied sleight on those people, and also clarified twice that I wasn't speaking everyone's truth, but just raising some perspectives and clearing up some misconceptions that many people like me experience on a regular basis.

Thanks all for your support and if the post or subsequent discussions have made anyone feel 'othered' then that wasn't the intendion. I take a proactive role and volunteer in the wider LGBT community and my DMs are always open if anyone who is feeling confused or uncertain or has questions.

Love to all.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"There are men who just like the put panties (or whatever) on for the kicks of it, and just fetishises wearing Women’s clothes. And can I say that I am personally not a fan?

If you can be "stealth", I always think you're doing a Michael Jackson who was ashamed of his past and trying to erase it. That can't be healthy?

Finally if some Men (and Women) find trans kinky, that is their problem. Stop blaming the victim.

Me? I'm Asian and trans. That just screams to be exoticised... And as they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

I'm also Asian and Muslim x

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By *alice OP Woman over a year ago

Birmingham

Inshallah!

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Inshallah!"

Bless

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By *lairekTV/TS over a year ago

Manchester

I wonder if it comes down to management of expectations, specifically when dealing with dating practice on a site like this?

Why would a guy seek out a trans woman compared to someone who was born as a woman?

Allow people to be honest. Is it sometimes that they desire a novel experience? Obviously, the reasons could be many, and we might not agree with some of them, but they exist.

Being honest, I have been out with trans people as a guy, and I loved hearing about their journey. Sure, it's selfish, just like any other reason. You get accused of being nosey.. which is true!

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By *ity_BoyMan over a year ago

London

"I have been reading alot about trans people as well as radical feminist literature.

I support the rights of people to choose their identity, live to their full potential, have respect and real equality in society.

I have an issue with being called a "cis" woman. I would like to be referred to as a person.

I don't understand when others say they feel like a certain gender, as it appears to include stereotypes of that gender.

Cis is not an inult nor a label though. All it means is you identify with the same gender identity as the one you had at birth.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are men who just like the put panties (or whatever) on for the kicks of it, and just fetishises wearing Women’s clothes. And can I say that I am personally not a fan?

If you can be "stealth", I always think you're doing a Michael Jackson who was ashamed of his past and trying to erase it. That can't be healthy?

Finally if some Men (and Women) find trans kinky, that is their problem. Stop blaming the victim.

Me? I'm Asian and trans. That just screams to be exoticised... And as they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"

I guess I live my life kinda stealth now but I’m not ashamed of my past. There’s so much more to me than being trans and people tire of hearing trans this trans that from me so I just get on with life as me. Rachael.

I actively support the trans community by sponsoring a trans radio station and I’m pretty vocal on several trans support groups.

I’ve documented my journey on here for all to read to try to help others understand and make it easier for those who want to do what I’ve done.

I also work for free as guest speaker online explaining what it is to be trans and the things we go through to a variety of groups who want to understand how they could include us and avoid discriminating against us.

I’ve also been heavily involved in a working group trying to create the online process to apply for gender recognition certificates.

I have nothing against people dressing up for the thrill. They do them. I do me. Dressing for fun and drag is all many people know of trans people though and that doesn’t make it any easier to transition when the world is either laughing at you or getting cross with you thinking you’re an inconvenience demanding unreasonable things.

I live my life just as another woman though. I’m not another Michael Jackson.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"There are men who just like the put panties (or whatever) on for the kicks of it, and just fetishises wearing Women’s clothes. And can I say that I am personally not a fan?

If you can be "stealth", I always think you're doing a Michael Jackson who was ashamed of his past and trying to erase it. That can't be healthy?

Finally if some Men (and Women) find trans kinky, that is their problem. Stop blaming the victim.

Me? I'm Asian and trans. That just screams to be exoticised... And as they say, if life gives you lemons, make lemonade!

I actively support the trans community by sponsoring a trans radio station and I’m pretty vocal on several trans support groups.

I’ve documented my journey on here for all to read to try to help others understand and make it easier for those who want to do what I’ve done.

I’ve also been heavily involved in a working group trying to create the online process to apply for gender recognition certificates.

I live my life just as another woman though. I’m not another Michael Jackson. "

Beat it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder if it comes down to management of expectations, specifically when dealing with dating practice on a site like this?

Why would a guy seek out a trans woman compared to someone who was born as a woman?

Allow people to be honest. Is it sometimes that they desire a novel experience? Obviously, the reasons could be many, and we might not agree with some of them, but they exist.

Being honest, I have been out with trans people as a guy, and I loved hearing about their journey. Sure, it's selfish, just like any other reason. You get accused of being nosey.. which is true!

I’m trying dating myself now. I don’t say I’m trans in my profile on the app I use because I want guys to be attracted to me for me not because I’m trans.

I tell them I am once we’re talking so I’m not misleading anyone. I want to be found attractive in spite of my past not because of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have been reading alot about trans people as well as radical feminist literature.

I support the rights of people to choose their identity, live to their full potential, have respect and real equality in society.

I have an issue with being called a "cis" woman. I would like to be referred to as a person.

I don't understand when others say they feel like a certain gender, as it appears to include stereotypes of that gender.

Cis is not an inult nor a label though. All it means is you identify with the same gender identity as the one you had at birth."

Cis is literally a label term

If somone doesnt like it dont try and gaslight them into thinking they should accept it.