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BDSM
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Any advice on starting off in the world of BDSM?
Have known I'm submissive for some time, never really acted on it and not sure my likes and dislikes just yet!
Although would love to dip my toe and see if it's for me..
Any advice welcome..!
  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Find a local munch which is a social for kink people
Make friends, get info on the local scene
Don't rush things, have limits
Have safe call for any meets |
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|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
The first person who comes at you as a Dom, listen to what hr has to say and then likely run a fucking mile.
Find a munch if you can.
If not join the other more fetish friendly website
Read
Read
Listen
Read
Listen
Ask questions
Listen
Read
Ask questions
Read
Read
Remember this is your physical and mental wellbeing you are putting at risk, so while the allure os there try not to just jump in with both feet.
Communication, negotiation and consent are key.
Do some research to figure out ehat you like, what you are looking for, what you may be curious about, what you know you don’t like.
There are books on amazon and a whole host of free resources on line and youtube etc.
Most people in the lifestyle will offer advice to people who are genuinely interested, however some may prefer their privacy so respect that.
Make sure you understand the principles being things like RACK, PRICK and SSC. Anyone that is genuinely into the scene will understand these concepts.
Learn about scene/club etiquette such as no touching, people or kit.
Above all else remember to look after yourself, its an amazing ride but as with all scenes has its dangers. |
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The best advice I can offer you is to learn to walk before you run. Find another submissive and talk to them. Don't expect to be the same as them, because you won't be, but they will be able to help you and help you avoid some of the pitfalls etc. Be yourself and understand that your submission is about you and no one else. Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The first person who comes at you as a Dom, listen to what hr has to say and then likely run a fucking mile.
Find a munch if you can.
If not join the other more fetish friendly website
Read
Read
Listen
Read
Listen
Ask questions
Listen
Read
Ask questions
Read
Read
Remember this is your physical and mental wellbeing you are putting at risk, so while the allure os there try not to just jump in with both feet.
Communication, negotiation and consent are key.
Do some research to figure out ehat you like, what you are looking for, what you may be curious about, what you know you don’t like.
There are books on amazon and a whole host of free resources on line and youtube etc.
Most people in the lifestyle will offer advice to people who are genuinely interested, however some may prefer their privacy so respect that.
Make sure you understand the principles being things like RACK, PRICK and SSC. Anyone that is genuinely into the scene will understand these concepts.
Learn about scene/club etiquette such as no touching, people or kit.
Above all else remember to look after yourself, its an amazing ride but as with all scenes has its dangers."
Thanks for the advice!
Although it's something I definitely want to try, I won't be rushing in
Hopefully starting on a long journey! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Any advice on starting off in the world of BDSM?
Have known I'm submissive for some time, never really acted on it and not sure my likes and dislikes just yet!
Although would love to dip my toe and see if it's for me..
Any advice welcome..!
"
Get someone you trust, and get some toys and read up on it to make sure you know what you're getting into. Most women want to try it but are not ready for it tbh |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The best advice I can offer you is to learn to walk before you run. Find another submissive and talk to them. Don't expect to be the same as them, because you won't be, but they will be able to help you and help you avoid some of the pitfalls etc. Be yourself and understand that your submission is about you and no one else. Good luck x"
Thank you, great advice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The first person who comes at you as a Dom, listen to what hr has to say and then likely run a fucking mile.
Find a munch if you can.
If not join the other more fetish friendly website
Read
Read
Listen
Read
Listen
Ask questions
Listen
Read
Ask questions
Read
Read
Remember this is your physical and mental wellbeing you are putting at risk, so while the allure os there try not to just jump in with both feet.
Communication, negotiation and consent are key.
Do some research to figure out ehat you like, what you are looking for, what you may be curious about, what you know you don’t like.
There are books on amazon and a whole host of free resources on line and youtube etc.
Most people in the lifestyle will offer advice to people who are genuinely interested, however some may prefer their privacy so respect that.
Make sure you understand the principles being things like RACK, PRICK and SSC. Anyone that is genuinely into the scene will understand these concepts.
Learn about scene/club etiquette such as no touching, people or kit.
Above all else remember to look after yourself, its an amazing ride but as with all scenes has its dangers."
 |
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|
By *aul349Man
over a year ago
Newcastle area |
"The first person who comes at you as a Dom, listen to what hr has to say and then likely run a fucking mile.
Find a munch if you can.
If not join the other more fetish friendly website
Read
Read
Listen
Read
Listen
Ask questions
Listen
Read
Ask questions
Read
Read
Remember this is your physical and mental wellbeing you are putting at risk, so while the allure os there try not to just jump in with both feet.
Communication, negotiation and consent are key.
Do some research to figure out ehat you like, what you are looking for, what you may be curious about, what you know you don’t like.
There are books on amazon and a whole host of free resources on line and youtube etc.
Most people in the lifestyle will offer advice to people who are genuinely interested, however some may prefer their privacy so respect that.
Make sure you understand the principles being things like RACK, PRICK and SSC. Anyone that is genuinely into the scene will understand these concepts.
Learn about scene/club etiquette such as no touching, people or kit.
Above all else remember to look after yourself, its an amazing ride but as with all scenes has its dangers."
This is great advice. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The first person who comes at you as a Dom, listen to what hr has to say and then likely run a fucking mile.
Find a munch if you can.
If not join the other more fetish friendly website
Read
Read
Listen
Read
Listen
Ask questions
Listen
Read
Ask questions
Read
Read
Remember this is your physical and mental wellbeing you are putting at risk, so while the allure os there try not to just jump in with both feet.
Communication, negotiation and consent are key.
Do some research to figure out ehat you like, what you are looking for, what you may be curious about, what you know you don’t like.
There are books on amazon and a whole host of free resources on line and youtube etc.
Most people in the lifestyle will offer advice to people who are genuinely interested, however some may prefer their privacy so respect that.
Make sure you understand the principles being things like RACK, PRICK and SSC. Anyone that is genuinely into the scene will understand these concepts.
Learn about scene/club etiquette such as no touching, people or kit.
Above all else remember to look after yourself, its an amazing ride but as with all scenes has its dangers."
I started into that world 3 years ago. ^^^^ This is accurate and great advice. One thing that new subs do is just talk to Doms. Super important to have a broad range of experiences and opinions around you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Any advice on starting off in the world of BDSM?
Have known I'm submissive for some time, never really acted on it and not sure my likes and dislikes just yet!
Although would love to dip my toe and see if it's for me..
Any advice welcome..!
"
I'm pretty experienced in this department! If you would ever like any advice, or even want a friend you can speak to about this, feel free to get in touch with me! It can be very daunting at first but oh my God its so amazing! Having kinky friends always helps xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You can never be too careful. Talking and listening is key.
A good Dom will never push you into something you don't want. They will never go straight into Domming you, they will start off gently.
A good Dom and sub will listen to each other. They will never assume each other knows everything they need to know about the dynamic between them because it's different for and with different people. They will both ask questions about experiences, expectations, likes, limits. They will always be able to ask questions.
If anyone tries insisting that you call them Master/Sir/anything else like this before you've met or on a first meet up, then they're doing it wrong. I had someone try and insist they were my Dom just because I had replied to their initial message. My Sir is only my Sir because He has proved Himself to me over a period of a few months. I am His sub/princess for the same reason. It didn't happen overnight and we are continually evolving in that dynamic.
Going down this route, you will discover whether you are a sub needing the right Dom or a lover who likes the other person to take charge of what happens. Lots of people get these mixed up. And please have a safe word and signal. Hopefully you'll never need them, but you never know.
Have fun and stay safe x |
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or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Research research research and then some more. Never jump straight into play. Go to local munches and meet people who can vouch for a good dom.
I didnt and met some serious abusers and got hurt. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Research research research and then some more. Never jump straight into play. Go to local munches and meet people who can vouch for a good dom.
I didnt and met some serious abusers and got hurt."
I hope you're ok now xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You can never be too careful. Talking and listening is key.
A good Dom will never push you into something you don't want. They will never go straight into Domming you, they will start off gently.
A good Dom and sub will listen to each other. They will never assume each other knows everything they need to know about the dynamic between them because it's different for and with different people. They will both ask questions about experiences, expectations, likes, limits. They will always be able to ask questions.
If anyone tries insisting that you call them Master/Sir/anything else like this before you've met or on a first meet up, then they're doing it wrong. I had someone try and insist they were my Dom just because I had replied to their initial message. My Sir is only my Sir because He has proved Himself to me over a period of a few months. I am His sub/princess for the same reason. It didn't happen overnight and we are continually evolving in that dynamic.
Going down this route, you will discover whether you are a sub needing the right Dom or a lover who likes the other person to take charge of what happens. Lots of people get these mixed up. And please have a safe word and signal. Hopefully you'll never need them, but you never know.
Have fun and stay safe x"
Omg.
SO MANY men think they can order you around just because you’ve responded.
Agree with what you’ve said.
Op- there is lots of good advice on this thread, happy to answer any questions from a subs pov if you wish. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You can never be too careful. Talking and listening is key.
A good Dom will never push you into something you don't want. They will never go straight into Domming you, they will start off gently.
A good Dom and sub will listen to each other. They will never assume each other knows everything they need to know about the dynamic between them because it's different for and with different people. They will both ask questions about experiences, expectations, likes, limits. They will always be able to ask questions.
If anyone tries insisting that you call them Master/Sir/anything else like this before you've met or on a first meet up, then they're doing it wrong. I had someone try and insist they were my Dom just because I had replied to their initial message. My Sir is only my Sir because He has proved Himself to me over a period of a few months. I am His sub/princess for the same reason. It didn't happen overnight and we are continually evolving in that dynamic.
Going down this route, you will discover whether you are a sub needing the right Dom or a lover who likes the other person to take charge of what happens. Lots of people get these mixed up. And please have a safe word and signal. Hopefully you'll never need them, but you never know.
Have fun and stay safe x
Omg.
SO MANY men think they can order you around just because you’ve responded.
Agree with what you’ve said.
Op- there is lots of good advice on this thread, happy to answer any questions from a subs pov if you wish. "
Thank you. I'm so lucky to have found such a caring Sir. I hope everyone looking for one can find one even half as good x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The Topping book, the bottoming book and screw the roses send me the thorns are some good books that will give you some idea's insight and hopefully help you figure a few things out
Also the BBB is coming up shortly, they have a meet and greet in place, lots of stalls, friendly staff, a demo etc etc it might be a good place to go and mingle to see what's going on and to meet some people |
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By *aliceWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"Wow now I like to give it a try but really don’t know where to start "
If you read this thread and still don't know where to start I don't know how to help you. The advice had been very good. |
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"Wow now I like to give it a try but really don’t know where to start
If you read this thread and still don't know where to start I don't know how to help you. The advice had been very good. "
Agreed! Top advise on this thread |
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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago
Burnleyish (She/They) |
"The first person who comes at you as a Dom, listen to what hr has to say and then likely run a fucking mile.
Find a munch if you can.
If not join the other more fetish friendly website
Read
Read
Listen
Read
Listen
Ask questions
Listen
Read
Ask questions
Read
Read
Remember this is your physical and mental wellbeing you are putting at risk, so while the allure os there try not to just jump in with both feet.
Communication, negotiation and consent are key.
Do some research to figure out ehat you like, what you are looking for, what you may be curious about, what you know you don’t like.
There are books on amazon and a whole host of free resources on line and youtube etc.
Most people in the lifestyle will offer advice to people who are genuinely interested, however some may prefer their privacy so respect that.
Make sure you understand the principles being things like RACK, PRICK and SSC. Anyone that is genuinely into the scene will understand these concepts.
Learn about scene/club etiquette such as no touching, people or kit.
Above all else remember to look after yourself, its an amazing ride but as with all scenes has its dangers."
All of this! If you want a recommended reading list let me know |
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or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You can never be too careful. Talking and listening is key.
A good Dom will never push you into something you don't want. They will never go straight into Domming you, they will start off gently.
A good Dom and sub will listen to each other. They will never assume each other knows everything they need to know about the dynamic between them because it's different for and with different people. They will both ask questions about experiences, expectations, likes, limits. They will always be able to ask questions.
If anyone tries insisting that you call them Master/Sir/anything else like this before you've met or on a first meet up, then they're doing it wrong. I had someone try and insist they were my Dom just because I had replied to their initial message. My Sir is only my Sir because He has proved Himself to me over a period of a few months. I am His sub/princess for the same reason. It didn't happen overnight and we are continually evolving in that dynamic.
Going down this route, you will discover whether you are a sub needing the right Dom or a lover who likes the other person to take charge of what happens. Lots of people get these mixed up. And please have a safe word and signal. Hopefully you'll never need them, but you never know.
Have fun and stay safe x
Omg.
SO MANY men think they can order you around just because you’ve responded.
Agree with what you’ve said.
Op- there is lots of good advice on this thread, happy to answer any questions from a subs pov if you wish.
Thank you. I'm so lucky to have found such a caring Sir. I hope everyone looking for one can find one even half as good x"
I’m super lucky too, I have too  |
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I’m a Dom of 10+ years. My advice would be as follows:-
Research. Lots and lots. Both into kinks and those with whom you want to play.
Talk. Lots of open and honest conversation is key. It’s about open and safe exploration.
Take your time. Don’t rush. Start slow and basic. Building up to where you want to go.
Aftercare. Discuss this at length with potential doms. Their views on it will be enlightening.
What do you want or need? Is it entirely physical or mental or a mix of both. Is it 24/7 or just in the bedroom. Being open and clear about this.
Keep your eyes open. Be cynical and suspicious. Real doms know how precious their subs are. It can take a long time to find one and we tend to hold on tight! Fake doms are all too common and just want some rough sex with a submissive woman. Don’t get trapped into that!
Any questions please ask! Always happy to answer. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You can never be too careful. Talking and listening is key.
A good Dom will never push you into something you don't want. They will never go straight into Domming you, they will start off gently.
A good Dom and sub will listen to each other. They will never assume each other knows everything they need to know about the dynamic between them because it's different for and with different people. They will both ask questions about experiences, expectations, likes, limits. They will always be able to ask questions.
If anyone tries insisting that you call them Master/Sir/anything else like this before you've met or on a first meet up, then they're doing it wrong. I had someone try and insist they were my Dom just because I had replied to their initial message. My Sir is only my Sir because He has proved Himself to me over a period of a few months. I am His sub/princess for the same reason. It didn't happen overnight and we are continually evolving in that dynamic.
Going down this route, you will discover whether you are a sub needing the right Dom or a lover who likes the other person to take charge of what happens. Lots of people get these mixed up. And please have a safe word and signal. Hopefully you'll never need them, but you never know.
Have fun and stay safe x
Omg.
SO MANY men think they can order you around just because you’ve responded.
Agree with what you’ve said.
Op- there is lots of good advice on this thread, happy to answer any questions from a subs pov if you wish.
Thank you. I'm so lucky to have found such a caring Sir. I hope everyone looking for one can find one even half as good x
I’m super lucky too, I have too "
I'm so happy for you. Not just a good Dom, but the right Dom is so difficult to find xx |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a Dom of 10+ years. My advice would be as follows:-
Research. Lots and lots. Both into kinks and those with whom you want to play.
Talk. Lots of open and honest conversation is key. It’s about open and safe exploration.
Take your time. Don’t rush. Start slow and basic. Building up to where you want to go.
Aftercare. Discuss this at length with potential doms. Their views on it will be enlightening.
What do you want or need? Is it entirely physical or mental or a mix of both. Is it 24/7 or just in the bedroom. Being open and clear about this.
Keep your eyes open. Be cynical and suspicious. Real doms know how precious their subs are. It can take a long time to find one and we tend to hold on tight! Fake doms are all too common and just want some rough sex with a submissive woman. Don’t get trapped into that!
Any questions please ask! Always happy to answer. "
Definitely the aftercare. Both the sub and Dom need that. |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Research research research and then some more. Never jump straight into play. Go to local munches and meet people who can vouch for a good dom.
I didnt and met some serious abusers and got hurt.
I hope you're ok now xx"
I am thank you xxx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Research research research and then some more. Never jump straight into play. Go to local munches and meet people who can vouch for a good dom.
I didnt and met some serious abusers and got hurt.
I hope you're ok now xx
I am thank you xxx"
That makes me happy to hear xx |
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or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Any advice on starting off in the world of BDSM?
Have known I'm submissive for some time, never really acted on it and not sure my likes and dislikes just yet!
Although would love to dip my toe and see if it's for me..
Any advice welcome..!
"
It's a total minefield nowadays. Research as much as you can and try forums and local munches. The three main priorities of any potential meets are safety, respect and trust. Everything else is a byproduct of a healthy sub/dom dynamic.
Just be careful. But have fun! |
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