FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is being up front and honest a draw back?
Is being up front and honest a draw back?
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I'm on here as a 'Single' who is married and part of a swinging couple both of us are open to playing individually, with the wife having her own profile as well.
I seem to be at a bit of a disadvantage with being completely honest and open about it when messaging couples. They all seem okay to meet if the wife is involved and say no not interested if I'm on my own. 'As I'm attached' even though she is fully aware and will validate if required.
Whereas if I hadn't been honest and open the chances are things may have progressed. We know from experience that the odd dishonest attached guy slips through.
So I'm feeling a little dishearten in being open and honest about my relationship status. |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
Always better to be up front and honest I reckon, even though for some it would be a turn off - that's okay just move on, I guess.
Nobody wants to find out something they don't like at the meet - far more frustrating, surely? |
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I’m in a situation where I use to be a couple on here, but now alone, but not a massive secret, she’s aware, but health issues mean only I play, although it’s currently just seeking. Sometimes honesty, or over explanation can cloud. I’d definitely more meets if I’d have said I was single or proper cheating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I must admit, I’m a bit confused by your opening post as you start by saying you’re part of a swinging couple and you’re both open to playing individually but then go on to say you’re getting rejected because couples won’t meet you on your own. I got the impression from reading the first part that you mostly meet as a couple anyway so why don’t you arrange to meet as a couple if the couple you’re talking to will only meet other couples? Maybe after you’ve met them as a couple they’ll be comfortable meeting you individually as they will know then that you’re genuine. |
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It is just the nature of the beast. Like others have said being a guy is though. I suspect for couples are genuinely looking for a guy to join you having a partner doesn't matter. Some would even prefer it as you kind of understand the dynamic. Although I do understand some couples are a bit naughty and if they know you have a partner suddenly want the cow and the milk. And maybe there are some genuinely put off by the idea of someone not truly single, even if it's all above board. But I'd say those exceptions are rare.
It may be the frustration of many single guys and guys in open relationships that cheats do get action. But you can't do anything about that. All you can do is be honest and trustworthy yourself. |
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"I must admit, I’m a bit confused by your opening post as you start by saying you’re part of a swinging couple and you’re both open to playing individually but then go on to say you’re getting rejected because couples won’t meet you on your own. I got the impression from reading the first part that you mostly meet as a couple anyway so why don’t you arrange to meet as a couple if the couple you’re talking to will only meet other couples? Maybe after you’ve met them as a couple they’ll be comfortable meeting you individually as they will know then that you’re genuine. "
We spend more time meeting individually rather than as a couple, as we find it easier to arrange meets that way. I'm either away at weekends with work, or we have to sort out child care at other times and having been messed about plenty of times before we get put off with doing the latter.
There is also the issue that we have slightly different interests so are looking for different things in people and my wife isn't overly keen on meeting with other couples. |
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If people aren't interested in meeting there's not a thing you can do about it. You say they're keen when they think you're meeting as a couple but don't want to meet you as a single. There's your answer. It's nothing to do with honesty (although I'm not sure where the mix up between meeting as a single vs couple happens) they just don't want to meet a single guy it's, as you know, a completely different dynamic.
Also it's a pain confirming with someone's wife that it's ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally, it’s easier to meet a single guy as it’s less hassle in regards to checking with the wife etc. with so many single guys to choose from, I personally wouldn’t choose a married/partnered guy. I’m grateful for the honesty though.
The cynic in me also never truly believes that the wife is happy, which is unfair of me but it’s because I’ve been lied to so often. |
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Your honesty is commendable but in this situation you’re over thinking it.
Others have suggested putting your couples profile on your single profile as worthwhile, and I’d add your respective single profile s on the couple’s profile. That’s that issue taken care of.
As others have rightly said, meeting a single guy is different to a couple. We don’t meet single guys regardless, as that dynamic isn’t something we’re looking for, but would meet a single woman. We would think that in your case this is the reason for reduced meets.
Before being a couple we each had single profiles. We know how different the fab experience is for a single guy. |
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My partner and I meet separately so have a couples profile and individual ones.
I am happy to confirm that he meets with my permission to anyone and have in the past, he has had some good meets.
Honesty is always best, as others said cross reference your couple ans single profiles so people can have a look and confirm the info.
Good luck |
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Hi OP,
Being honest with someone is never a waste of effort in my experience. Would you be comfortable in getting what you want but being underhand about how you go about achieving it? I wouldn't be, and you don't sound like you would be either.
You're battling a number of different things here. Being a guy that wants to meet couples, and a small pool of couples that want to meet a guy on his own. Within that small pool are couples (just like yourself and your wife) that have been 'burned' by an attached guy pretending to be single so they're bound to be cautious/wary.
I've seen couples profiles which also list their individual profiles as well if they play separately. What harm is there in referencing your couples profile on your single one?
Please don't get disheartened, I know we all do at times. It's a marathon and not a sprint. Meeting the right people is definitely worth it when it does happen.
Best wishes. |
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Thanks all for the replies, I appreciate what the odds are like for a guy on here so I hope it didn't come over as whinny why am I not getting any meets type post. Its more from frustration that by being open and honest others think it's another way to get to play with the wife.
I use to reference our couples profile but had as many people still ask about meeting us as a couple, so it didn't overly appear to help as we only use the couple's profile when we are in a position for us both to meet.
I may well remove one of the sentences about the wife from my profile, I had hoped it would help explain one of the reasons why I'm here with a singles profile, but I guess it may well not be necessary.
Think I just had a crap day with regards to single guys and couples thinking the wife would be involved as she is mentioned as being on here as well. |
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I always just assume that everyone on here is lying about something and just don’t dig too deep into there reasons. Ask no questions hear no lies. Most of us are not looking for a life partner after all. So it doesn’t matter that much. If you like a profile just chat and get a feel for the person and if it feels right just do it. NSA |
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We'd much prefer that kind of openness and mentioning your couple's profile gives us the opportunity to verify things, at least in our own minds.
We arranged a meet recently with a guy, only to call it off because his chat didn't seem to add up. We walk away from drama in a heartbeat.
It'll pay dividends in the end, OP. It seems now is a funny time on Fab. Stay positive and true to yourself.
C |
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"My partner and I meet separately so have a couples profile and individual ones.
I am happy to confirm that he meets with my permission to anyone and have in the past, he has had some good meets.
Honesty is always best, as others said cross reference your couple ans single profiles so people can have a look and confirm the info.
Good luck "
Think they have nailed the way ahead for you ? Being able to have your partner verify you can play separately |
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By * and BCouple
over a year ago
Durham |
Most people don't like folk who are upfront and honest, in fact some take offence. We know this by experience but will always be upfront. Some people don't like hearing the obvious. We like asking as many questions as we feel we need to ask so we can work out if folk are real swingers or just wanting to use us. Upfront and honest for us   |
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By *urio77Man
over a year ago
northampton |
I’ve been totally honest in posting a picture of my psoriasis.I would always send a potential meet the picture if I thought it was heading that way and having to explain that it’s not contagious. This has been to my detriment and I don’t get anywhere near the interest I experienced before I posted the picture. But I’ve got nothing to hide,it’s all there to see. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Truth and honesty is the way.
Been turned down this week as well as turned down others but everyone has been polite and pleasant about it.
Thanks to those involved. |
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By *aiseiMan
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I'm on here as a 'Single' who is married and part of a swinging couple both of us are open to playing individually, with the wife having her own profile as well.
I seem to be at a bit of a disadvantage with being completely honest and open about it when messaging couples. They all seem okay to meet if the wife is involved and say no not interested if I'm on my own. 'As I'm attached' even though she is fully aware and will validate if required.
Whereas if I hadn't been honest and open the chances are things may have progressed. We know from experience that the odd dishonest attached guy slips through.
So I'm feeling a little dishearten in being open and honest about my relationship status."
You’re doing exactly the right thing; I have pretty much the same situation and have made it clear too.
It’s easier said than done, but don’t let the many ‘automated opinions’ on here get to you…..the ones that decide your truth for you based on what’s comfortable for them to grasp.
The right people will come to you. |
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"I'm on here as a 'Single' who is married and part of a swinging couple both of us are open to playing individually, with the wife having her own profile as well.
I seem to be at a bit of a disadvantage with being completely honest and open about it when messaging couples. They all seem okay to meet if the wife is involved and say no not interested if I'm on my own. 'As I'm attached' even though she is fully aware and will validate if required.
Whereas if I hadn't been honest and open the chances are things may have progressed. We know from experience that the odd dishonest attached guy slips through.
So I'm feeling a little dishearten in being open and honest about my relationship status."
So are you saying you would have more luck if you said you were brining a woman.
What happens when you turn up with out a woman.
Let’s stop being silly now |
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You need to reword it. Just put this is your singles profile and then mention your couples profile name. Your profile and what you wrote here makes it sound way more confusing than it is.
I have done the same on mine and have no issues . |
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"I'm on here as a 'Single' who is married and part of a swinging couple both of us are open to playing individually, with the wife having her own profile as well.
I seem to be at a bit of a disadvantage with being completely honest and open about it when messaging couples. They all seem okay to meet if the wife is involved and say no not interested if I'm on my own. 'As I'm attached' even though she is fully aware and will validate if required.
Whereas if I hadn't been honest and open the chances are things may have progressed. We know from experience that the odd dishonest attached guy slips through.
So I'm feeling a little dishearten in being open and honest about my relationship status."
I'm in the same boat. Has its advantages of being honest and upfront. I've met people who have checked with her it's OK and some who wouldn't meet as I'm attached even though she is on here too. Swings and roundabouts my friend. But I prefer to be open and honest. |
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I’d like to think being honest and a decent person is more important than getting laid all the time.
Being married (with or without permission) will always put off a group of people.
But you can’t please everyone. At least you know you’ve been 100% genuine. |
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