FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > How not to get a reply
How not to get a reply
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"(Or, the Seven Horsemen of the Inbox). This is a brief guide to save folk some time and energy. If you are considering messaging me, the following kinds of intro message are 100% guaranteed to be ignored. "hi how are u" Problem: Why would you expect a reply to this? Lord, you didn't even care enough to punctuate the sentence. "[Detailed description of sender's desires. Paragraphs and paragraphs about what they're into, with the lack of personalisation that suggests this spiel has been copy+pasted to a hundred other women]" Problem: I get that approaching people on Fab is tiring. There is definitely a case for keeping some boilerplate copy about your kink saved somewhere to save you a little time, but it should not form the entire message. This might surprise you, but I can tell. We can all tell. And if you aren't going to treat me like an individual, I see no reason I should extend that courtesy to you. "You say you don't reply to people who've not read your profile so I've skimmed it and picked out one or two keywords in passing anyway that's done so now let me unload my fetish in great detail" Problem: One step above the Copy-Paste, but still fooling nobody. What happened here was that you perhaps liked a picture and thought you'd do the bare minimum to get a reply. If your profile is interesting and I'm not run off my feet, there's a slim chance I'll reply, but if you don't ask a single interesting question, I'll assume you're not all that interested in getting to know me, and I'll mirror that. "Hi, I'm new here. Haven't filled out my profile yet but I'll get round to it." Problem: I understand that new people might wait to put up a picture of themselves, but no About Me or Into List? If you're not giving me a basic idea of who you are, what you're looking for and why we might have things in common, that's work I have no reason to undertake. Do this in a smart order. Before you message ANYONE, set out your stall, describe yourself accurately and show some personality. If you're afraid people won't like you, remember someone out there might love to meet you, but nobody at all is interested in meeting a blank profile. Give yourself a chance. Also are you really looking for 18-99 year old? That shows a complete level of desperation. "You probably won't want to get to know someone like me. I'll probably delete my profile soon anyway but one last bite of the apple. Sigh." Problem: I'm not your therapist. I'm not here to be guilted into replying to someone I don't know. This is not you being attractively vulnerable. This is intrusive and demanding. Get yourself the care and support you need from a professional health worker, and make sure you're in decent working order before messaging people, rather than laying your insecurities on the women of Fab. "I am Cocky McCockface and I have X years' experience of pleasuring the ladies. I am accomplished in implements, reaming, I have a huuuuge member, I can circular breathe" Problem: That's nice for you. I'm not a job interviewer so I don't want your CV, and people with decades of experience can still be completely clueless, just as newbies can sometimes have great instincts and the spirit of fun that delights me. This message is po-faced and over-performative, and likely also boilerplate. Thus far you have told me (whether or not it's actually the case) that you are insecure, take yourself far too seriously and are not interested in me as an individual. The feeling is mutual. Also please don't refer to women on Fab as "ladies" - at least not to me. It's up there with kissing the hand on a first meeting or double-clasping a handshake. Brr. "You mention that you're not interested in tits or vaginas. Nevertheless thought I'd ask whether you'd consider playing with my girlfriend as she's been wanting to play with women for a while now." Problem: Sir, you have answered your own damned question. There are many, many women on this site who enjoy playing with women. I do on occasion, but I will talk to her and nit you if I am interested. Scram! Yes, I know you think your gf is so super-hot that nobody can resist her once they've met her, but you are wrong. See also emails about things that have no relevance to my carefully-written About Me page, e.g. "you into tights I like tights yum tights". There have been countless similar posts on Fab over the years (mostly by women), but apparently the message is not getting through. It may also be that during lockdown, newbies have joined Fab (Welcome!) and not seen the advice posted in the past. Thankfully, due to my age, size, looks, partner etc, I don't get the onslaught of messages many women do on Fab. But there are enough hopeless rolls of the dice that I wanted to rattle this out once again. I'm not trying to damn anyone for messaging women - it's how we meet folk, and it is undoubtedly scary. I simply ask that you stop carpet-bombing and send fewer, better, more tailored messages to people with whom you have things in common beyond "she-has-an-ass-I-like-asses-yahtzee". You may not get that response, or the one you want, but you up your chances significantly. I would also like to add that if someone sends me a friendly, thoughtful message that avoids all of the above nonsense and has interesting stuff in it, I will generally try to respond, but during busy times or bad times, I may not, because it takes energy I do not have. " I absolutely love this!!!!  | |||
" I absolutely love this!!!! "Ditto. Can we add this to the site FAQs please!!!  | |||
"(Or, the Seven Horsemen of the Inbox). This is a brief guide to save folk some time and energy. If you are considering messaging me, the following kinds of intro message are 100% guaranteed to be ignored. "hi how are u" Problem: Why would you expect a reply to this? Lord, you didn't even care enough to punctuate the sentence. "[Detailed description of sender's desires. Paragraphs and paragraphs about what they're into, with the lack of personalisation that suggests this spiel has been copy+pasted to a hundred other women]" Problem: I get that approaching people on Fab is tiring. There is definitely a case for keeping some boilerplate copy about your kink saved somewhere to save you a little time, but it should not form the entire message. This might surprise you, but I can tell. We can all tell. And if you aren't going to treat me like an individual, I see no reason I should extend that courtesy to you. "You say you don't reply to people who've not read your profile so I've skimmed it and picked out one or two keywords in passing anyway that's done so now let me unload my fetish in great detail" Problem: One step above the Copy-Paste, but still fooling nobody. What happened here was that you perhaps liked a picture and thought you'd do the bare minimum to get a reply. If your profile is interesting and I'm not run off my feet, there's a slim chance I'll reply, but if you don't ask a single interesting question, I'll assume you're not all that interested in getting to know me, and I'll mirror that. "Hi, I'm new here. Haven't filled out my profile yet but I'll get round to it." Problem: I understand that new people might wait to put up a picture of themselves, but no About Me or Into List? If you're not giving me a basic idea of who you are, what you're looking for and why we might have things in common, that's work I have no reason to undertake. Do this in a smart order. Before you message ANYONE, set out your stall, describe yourself accurately and show some personality. If you're afraid people won't like you, remember someone out there might love to meet you, but nobody at all is interested in meeting a blank profile. Give yourself a chance. Also are you really looking for 18-99 year old? That shows a complete level of desperation. "You probably won't want to get to know someone like me. I'll probably delete my profile soon anyway but one last bite of the apple. Sigh." Problem: I'm not your therapist. I'm not here to be guilted into replying to someone I don't know. This is not you being attractively vulnerable. This is intrusive and demanding. Get yourself the care and support you need from a professional health worker, and make sure you're in decent working order before messaging people, rather than laying your insecurities on the women of Fab. "I am Cocky McCockface and I have X years' experience of pleasuring the ladies. I am accomplished in implements, reaming, I have a huuuuge member, I can circular breathe" Problem: That's nice for you. I'm not a job interviewer so I don't want your CV, and people with decades of experience can still be completely clueless, just as newbies can sometimes have great instincts and the spirit of fun that delights me. This message is po-faced and over-performative, and likely also boilerplate. Thus far you have told me (whether or not it's actually the case) that you are insecure, take yourself far too seriously and are not interested in me as an individual. The feeling is mutual. Also please don't refer to women on Fab as "ladies" - at least not to me. It's up there with kissing the hand on a first meeting or double-clasping a handshake. Brr. "You mention that you're not interested in tits or vaginas. Nevertheless thought I'd ask whether you'd consider playing with my girlfriend as she's been wanting to play with women for a while now." Problem: Sir, you have answered your own damned question. There are many, many women on this site who enjoy playing with women. I do on occasion, but I will talk to her and nit you if I am interested. Scram! Yes, I know you think your gf is so super-hot that nobody can resist her once they've met her, but you are wrong. See also emails about things that have no relevance to my carefully-written About Me page, e.g. "you into tights I like tights yum tights". There have been countless similar posts on Fab over the years (mostly by women), but apparently the message is not getting through. It may also be that during lockdown, newbies have joined Fab (Welcome!) and not seen the advice posted in the past. Thankfully, due to my age, size, looks, partner etc, I don't get the onslaught of messages many women do on Fab. But there are enough hopeless rolls of the dice that I wanted to rattle this out once again. I'm not trying to damn anyone for messaging women - it's how we meet folk, and it is undoubtedly scary. I simply ask that you stop carpet-bombing and send fewer, better, more tailored messages to people with whom you have things in common beyond "she-has-an-ass-I-like-asses-yahtzee". You may not get that response, or the one you want, but you up your chances significantly. I would also like to add that if someone sends me a friendly, thoughtful message that avoids all of the above nonsense and has interesting stuff in it, I will generally try to respond, but during busy times or bad times, I may not, because it takes energy I do not have. " Sorry, pardon? | |||
"(Or, the Seven Horsemen of the Inbox). This is a brief guide to save folk some time and energy. If you are considering messaging me, the following kinds of intro message are 100% guaranteed to be ignored. "hi how are u" Problem: Why would you expect a reply to this? Lord, you didn't even care enough to punctuate the sentence. "[Detailed description of sender's desires. Paragraphs and paragraphs about what they're into, with the lack of personalisation that suggests this spiel has been copy+pasted to a hundred other women]" Problem: I get that approaching people on Fab is tiring. There is definitely a case for keeping some boilerplate copy about your kink saved somewhere to save you a little time, but it should not form the entire message. This might surprise you, but I can tell. We can all tell. And if you aren't going to treat me like an individual, I see no reason I should extend that courtesy to you. "You say you don't reply to people who've not read your profile so I've skimmed it and picked out one or two keywords in passing anyway that's done so now let me unload my fetish in great detail" Problem: One step above the Copy-Paste, but still fooling nobody. What happened here was that you perhaps liked a picture and thought you'd do the bare minimum to get a reply. If your profile is interesting and I'm not run off my feet, there's a slim chance I'll reply, but if you don't ask a single interesting question, I'll assume you're not all that interested in getting to know me, and I'll mirror that. "Hi, I'm new here. Haven't filled out my profile yet but I'll get round to it." Problem: I understand that new people might wait to put up a picture of themselves, but no About Me or Into List? If you're not giving me a basic idea of who you are, what you're looking for and why we might have things in common, that's work I have no reason to undertake. Do this in a smart order. Before you message ANYONE, set out your stall, describe yourself accurately and show some personality. If you're afraid people won't like you, remember someone out there might love to meet you, but nobody at all is interested in meeting a blank profile. Give yourself a chance. Also are you really looking for 18-99 year old? That shows a complete level of desperation. "You probably won't want to get to know someone like me. I'll probably delete my profile soon anyway but one last bite of the apple. Sigh." Problem: I'm not your therapist. I'm not here to be guilted into replying to someone I don't know. This is not you being attractively vulnerable. This is intrusive and demanding. Get yourself the care and support you need from a professional health worker, and make sure you're in decent working order before messaging people, rather than laying your insecurities on the women of Fab. "I am Cocky McCockface and I have X years' experience of pleasuring the ladies. I am accomplished in implements, reaming, I have a huuuuge member, I can circular breathe" Problem: That's nice for you. I'm not a job interviewer so I don't want your CV, and people with decades of experience can still be completely clueless, just as newbies can sometimes have great instincts and the spirit of fun that delights me. This message is po-faced and over-performative, and likely also boilerplate. Thus far you have told me (whether or not it's actually the case) that you are insecure, take yourself far too seriously and are not interested in me as an individual. The feeling is mutual. Also please don't refer to women on Fab as "ladies" - at least not to me. It's up there with kissing the hand on a first meeting or double-clasping a handshake. Brr. "You mention that you're not interested in tits or vaginas. Nevertheless thought I'd ask whether you'd consider playing with my girlfriend as she's been wanting to play with women for a while now." Problem: Sir, you have answered your own damned question. There are many, many women on this site who enjoy playing with women. I do on occasion, but I will talk to her and nit you if I am interested. Scram! Yes, I know you think your gf is so super-hot that nobody can resist her once they've met her, but you are wrong. See also emails about things that have no relevance to my carefully-written About Me page, e.g. "you into tights I like tights yum tights". There have been countless similar posts on Fab over the years (mostly by women), but apparently the message is not getting through. It may also be that during lockdown, newbies have joined Fab (Welcome!) and not seen the advice posted in the past. Thankfully, due to my age, size, looks, partner etc, I don't get the onslaught of messages many women do on Fab. But there are enough hopeless rolls of the dice that I wanted to rattle this out once again. I'm not trying to damn anyone for messaging women - it's how we meet folk, and it is undoubtedly scary. I simply ask that you stop carpet-bombing and send fewer, better, more tailored messages to people with whom you have things in common beyond "she-has-an-ass-I-like-asses-yahtzee". You may not get that response, or the one you want, but you up your chances significantly. I would also like to add that if someone sends me a friendly, thoughtful message that avoids all of the above nonsense and has interesting stuff in it, I will generally try to respond, but during busy times or bad times, I may not, because it takes energy I do not have. I absolutely love this!!!! "You mean you actually read it all! | |||
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Sadly no one will take any notice and you’ll still get a 100 messages from some smiley scumbag who thinks it’s easy to get a quick fuck if he sends a dick pic and graphic details of how he’s some ultra hung John Holmes reincarnation that must rate as one of the greatest fucks in the known world…. When in reality, he’s a sexually immature little boy who still lives at home with his mother sleeping in his Batman pyjamas. | |||
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"Couldn't be arsed reading that. Please write a short version lol" I gave up after #2 lol | |||
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(I soo want to take it all in, but my eyelids are slowly closing) | |||
"(Or, the Seven Horsemen of the Inbox). This is a brief guide to save folk some time and energy. If you are considering messaging me, the following kinds of intro message are 100% guaranteed to be ignored. "hi how are u" Problem: Why would you expect a reply to this? Lord, you didn't even care enough to punctuate the sentence. "[Detailed description of sender's desires. Paragraphs and paragraphs about what they're into, with the lack of personalisation that suggests this spiel has been copy+pasted to a hundred other women]" Problem: I get that approaching people on Fab is tiring. There is definitely a case for keeping some boilerplate copy about your kink saved somewhere to save you a little time, but it should not form the entire message. This might surprise you, but I can tell. We can all tell. And if you aren't going to treat me like an individual, I see no reason I should extend that courtesy to you. "You say you don't reply to people who've not read your profile so I've skimmed it and picked out one or two keywords in passing anyway that's done so now let me unload my fetish in great detail" Problem: One step above the Copy-Paste, but still fooling nobody. What happened here was that you perhaps liked a picture and thought you'd do the bare minimum to get a reply. If your profile is interesting and I'm not run off my feet, there's a slim chance I'll reply, but if you don't ask a single interesting question, I'll assume you're not all that interested in getting to know me, and I'll mirror that. "Hi, I'm new here. Haven't filled out my profile yet but I'll get round to it." Problem: I understand that new people might wait to put up a picture of themselves, but no About Me or Into List? If you're not giving me a basic idea of who you are, what you're looking for and why we might have things in common, that's work I have no reason to undertake. Do this in a smart order. Before you message ANYONE, set out your stall, describe yourself accurately and show some personality. If you're afraid people won't like you, remember someone out there might love to meet you, but nobody at all is interested in meeting a blank profile. Give yourself a chance. Also are you really looking for 18-99 year old? That shows a complete level of desperation. "You probably won't want to get to know someone like me. I'll probably delete my profile soon anyway but one last bite of the apple. Sigh." Problem: I'm not your therapist. I'm not here to be guilted into replying to someone I don't know. This is not you being attractively vulnerable. This is intrusive and demanding. Get yourself the care and support you need from a professional health worker, and make sure you're in decent working order before messaging people, rather than laying your insecurities on the women of Fab. "I am Cocky McCockface and I have X years' experience of pleasuring the ladies. I am accomplished in implements, reaming, I have a huuuuge member, I can circular breathe" Problem: That's nice for you. I'm not a job interviewer so I don't want your CV, and people with decades of experience can still be completely clueless, just as newbies can sometimes have great instincts and the spirit of fun that delights me. This message is po-faced and over-performative, and likely also boilerplate. Thus far you have told me (whether or not it's actually the case) that you are insecure, take yourself far too seriously and are not interested in me as an individual. The feeling is mutual. Also please don't refer to women on Fab as "ladies" - at least not to me. It's up there with kissing the hand on a first meeting or double-clasping a handshake. Brr. "You mention that you're not interested in tits or vaginas. Nevertheless thought I'd ask whether you'd consider playing with my girlfriend as she's been wanting to play with women for a while now." Problem: Sir, you have answered your own damned question. There are many, many women on this site who enjoy playing with women. I do on occasion, but I will talk to her and nit you if I am interested. Scram! Yes, I know you think your gf is so super-hot that nobody can resist her once they've met her, but you are wrong. See also emails about things that have no relevance to my carefully-written About Me page, e.g. "you into tights I like tights yum tights". There have been countless similar posts on Fab over the years (mostly by women), but apparently the message is not getting through. It may also be that during lockdown, newbies have joined Fab (Welcome!) and not seen the advice posted in the past. Thankfully, due to my age, size, looks, partner etc, I don't get the onslaught of messages many women do on Fab. But there are enough hopeless rolls of the dice that I wanted to rattle this out once again. I'm not trying to damn anyone for messaging women - it's how we meet folk, and it is undoubtedly scary. I simply ask that you stop carpet-bombing and send fewer, better, more tailored messages to people with whom you have things in common beyond "she-has-an-ass-I-like-asses-yahtzee". You may not get that response, or the one you want, but you up your chances significantly. I would also like to add that if someone sends me a friendly, thoughtful message that avoids all of the above nonsense and has interesting stuff in it, I will generally try to respond, but during busy times or bad times, I may not, because it takes energy I do not have. " Your not very picky then, a bit easy for my taste...i like women that are challenging... | |||
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" One question I have though, I always start my messages by saying ‘Hi (name), how are you doing?’ So is that as bad as saying ‘hi how are u’? When you ask how are you meant to reply to it then surely you just have to say something like ‘I’m fine thanks, how are you?’ As it’s just a polite exchange of pleasantries that I, and I think most people do, when they meet someone face to face so why is it wrong to do it on here? " 2 reasons. 1. In a lot of cases, that's the entire message. If you, as I'm sure you do, continue to write a little about yourself and the recipient, then the fact that you started with meaningless small talk matters a lot less. However... 2. When any of us get a message, all we initially see is the first few words, a thumbnail pic and a title. If all that can be seen is a clichéd welfare enquiry, then you run the risk of being lumped into the crowd who ONLY write that, and ignored accordingly. | |||
" One question I have though, I always start my messages by saying ‘Hi (name), how are you doing?’ So is that as bad as saying ‘hi how are u’? When you ask how are you meant to reply to it then surely you just have to say something like ‘I’m fine thanks, how are you?’ As it’s just a polite exchange of pleasantries that I, and I think most people do, when they meet someone face to face so why is it wrong to do it on here? 2 reasons. 1. In a lot of cases, that's the entire message. If you, as I'm sure you do, continue to write a little about yourself and the recipient, then the fact that you started with meaningless small talk matters a lot less. However... 2. When any of us get a message, all we initially see is the first few words, a thumbnail pic and a title. If all that can be seen is a clichéd welfare enquiry, then you run the risk of being lumped into the crowd who ONLY write that, and ignored accordingly. " I absolutely always write more than just that, it really is just a throw away, opening greeting. I see what you mean though about it being all the recipient sees in the preview and it’s a good point so you’ve convinced me to stop writing it. I have seen a few people complain about and I have tried to stop writing it in the past but I feel really uncomfortable sending an initial message without it and feel like I’m being rude and unfriendly. Hopefully that’s the reason why no one replies to me though and as soon as I stop doing it I’m going to have a 100% reply rate to my messages.... | |||
"I gave up reading and just looked at your photos. Don't worry no message sent "Hahahhahaha my thoughts. | |||
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I think you've more or less covered every guy. I'm just wondering what types are actually left
A great read though, so thank you! | |||
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" I absolutely love this!!!!
Ditto. Can we add this to the site FAQs please!!! "Great post!! | |||
" One question I have though, I always start my messages by saying ‘Hi (name), how are you doing?’ So is that as bad as saying ‘hi how are u’? When you ask how are you meant to reply to it then surely you just have to say something like ‘I’m fine thanks, how are you?’ As it’s just a polite exchange of pleasantries that I, and I think most people do, when they meet someone face to face so why is it wrong to do it on here? 2 reasons. 1. In a lot of cases, that's the entire message. If you, as I'm sure you do, continue to write a little about yourself and the recipient, then the fact that you started with meaningless small talk matters a lot less. However... 2. When any of us get a message, all we initially see is the first few words, a thumbnail pic and a title. If all that can be seen is a clichéd welfare enquiry, then you run the risk of being lumped into the crowd who ONLY write that, and ignored accordingly. " You actually forgot the main one which is hes expecting a courtesy im fine reply but we don't owe any reply also when we do reply it breaks out filters and as my profile clearly states your not really interested how I am your intersted if we are going to chat with the hope of meeting and playing so make your profile interesting and your chat more interesting xx | |||
"Well that's one way to stop a guy messaging you, put all your demands and self entitlement in. No wonder this place isn't what it used to be. " I agree it's not what it used to be....it was rare to see an account without pictures!  | |||
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"(Or, the Seven Horsemen of the Inbox). This is a brief guide to save folk some time and energy. If you are considering messaging me, the following kinds of intro message are 100% guaranteed to be ignored. "hi how are u" Problem: Why would you expect a reply to this? Lord, you didn't even care enough to punctuate the sentence. "[Detailed description of sender's desires. Paragraphs and paragraphs about what they're into, with the lack of personalisation that suggests this spiel has been copy+pasted to a hundred other women]" Problem: I get that approaching people on Fab is tiring. There is definitely a case for keeping some boilerplate copy about your kink saved somewhere to save you a little time, but it should not form the entire message. This might surprise you, but I can tell. We can all tell. And if you aren't going to treat me like an individual, I see no reason I should extend that courtesy to you. "You say you don't reply to people who've not read your profile so I've skimmed it and picked out one or two keywords in passing anyway that's done so now let me unload my fetish in great detail" Problem: One step above the Copy-Paste, but still fooling nobody. What happened here was that you perhaps liked a picture and thought you'd do the bare minimum to get a reply. If your profile is interesting and I'm not run off my feet, there's a slim chance I'll reply, but if you don't ask a single interesting question, I'll assume you're not all that interested in getting to know me, and I'll mirror that. "Hi, I'm new here. Haven't filled out my profile yet but I'll get round to it." Problem: I understand that new people might wait to put up a picture of themselves, but no About Me or Into List? If you're not giving me a basic idea of who you are, what you're looking for and why we might have things in common, that's work I have no reason to undertake. Do this in a smart order. Before you message ANYONE, set out your stall, describe yourself accurately and show some personality. If you're afraid people won't like you, remember someone out there might love to meet you, but nobody at all is interested in meeting a blank profile. Give yourself a chance. Also are you really looking for 18-99 year old? That shows a complete level of desperation. "You probably won't want to get to know someone like me. I'll probably delete my profile soon anyway but one last bite of the apple. Sigh." Problem: I'm not your therapist. I'm not here to be guilted into replying to someone I don't know. This is not you being attractively vulnerable. This is intrusive and demanding. Get yourself the care and support you need from a professional health worker, and make sure you're in decent working order before messaging people, rather than laying your insecurities on the women of Fab. "I am Cocky McCockface and I have X years' experience of pleasuring the ladies. I am accomplished in implements, reaming, I have a huuuuge member, I can circular breathe" Problem: That's nice for you. I'm not a job interviewer so I don't want your CV, and people with decades of experience can still be completely clueless, just as newbies can sometimes have great instincts and the spirit of fun that delights me. This message is po-faced and over-performative, and likely also boilerplate. Thus far you have told me (whether or not it's actually the case) that you are insecure, take yourself far too seriously and are not interested in me as an individual. The feeling is mutual. Also please don't refer to women on Fab as "ladies" - at least not to me. It's up there with kissing the hand on a first meeting or double-clasping a handshake. Brr. "You mention that you're not interested in tits or vaginas. Nevertheless thought I'd ask whether you'd consider playing with my girlfriend as she's been wanting to play with women for a while now." Problem: Sir, you have answered your own damned question. There are many, many women on this site who enjoy playing with women. I do on occasion, but I will talk to her and nit you if I am interested. Scram! Yes, I know you think your gf is so super-hot that nobody can resist her once they've met her, but you are wrong. See also emails about things that have no relevance to my carefully-written About Me page, e.g. "you into tights I like tights yum tights". There have been countless similar posts on Fab over the years (mostly by women), but apparently the message is not getting through. It may also be that during lockdown, newbies have joined Fab (Welcome!) and not seen the advice posted in the past. Thankfully, due to my age, size, looks, partner etc, I don't get the onslaught of messages many women do on Fab. But there are enough hopeless rolls of the dice that I wanted to rattle this out once again. I'm not trying to damn anyone for messaging women - it's how we meet folk, and it is undoubtedly scary. I simply ask that you stop carpet-bombing and send fewer, better, more tailored messages to people with whom you have things in common beyond "she-has-an-ass-I-like-asses-yahtzee". You may not get that response, or the one you want, but you up your chances significantly. I would also like to add that if someone sends me a friendly, thoughtful message that avoids all of the above nonsense and has interesting stuff in it, I will generally try to respond, but during busy times or bad times, I may not, because it takes energy I do not have. I absolutely love this!!!! "Agreed with it all, totally empathised and giggled at the relatively dark humour in places..........until the very last comment that suggested you also may well not bother. There's a touch of irony in there.
Spot on otherwise I'd say.
Personally I've pretty much given up sending messages as I've been trying to do it the 'right way' for years. The results are the same whether you message with class or behave like the disrespectful herd.........total silence.
It is what it is. | |||
"I'll give your post OP, the respect it deserves and read it in the morning!
(I soo want to take it all in, but my eyelids are slowly closing)" | |||
"" This is a brief guide " If that's your brief guide, I dread to think what the full version looks like .
" | |||
" I absolutely love this!!!!
Agreed with it all, totally empathised and giggled at the relatively dark humour in places..........until the very last comment that suggested you also may well not bother. There's a touch of irony in there.
Spot on otherwise I'd say.
Personally I've pretty much given up sending messages as I've been trying to do it the 'right way' for years. The results are the same whether you message with class or behave like the disrespectful herd.........total silence.
It is what it is. "The end bit crept in after one fella contacted me a few times in the space of a couple of hours to ask why I hadn't responded to his original "u ok?" At the time, I was dealing with a less than fun fibro flare and really had no energy. The bombardment was getting aggressive. I can't always respond immediately, it might be in a day, a week, when time and health allows. | |||
" I absolutely love this!!!!
Agreed with it all, totally empathised and giggled at the relatively dark humour in places..........until the very last comment that suggested you also may well not bother. There's a touch of irony in there.
Spot on otherwise I'd say.
Personally I've pretty much given up sending messages as I've been trying to do it the 'right way' for years. The results are the same whether you message with class or behave like the disrespectful herd.........total silence.
It is what it is.
The end bit crept in after one fella contacted me a few times in the space of a couple of hours to ask why I hadn't responded to his original "u ok?"
At the time, I was dealing with a less than fun fibro flare and really had no energy. The bombardment was getting aggressive.
I can't always respond immediately, it might be in a day, a week, when time and health allows.
"Absolutely fair enough. No one should ever bombard anyone. It's also true to say that once you've messaged someone and they don't reply you have to make the assumption that they had no intention of doing so and move on, taking it as a 'no thanks', but also that they weren't worth the bother so no loss. Life (including health and family) should always be the priority, so that rightly and inevitably causes delays in responding, so to be impatient in expecting replies is totally uncalled for and unacceptable. Sending a second (or third etc.) message shows a complete lack of class (and looks a tad desperate) in my opinion. Not good either way! | |||
Sorry. Couldn’t be bothered to read all that. | |||
"I gave up reading and just looked at your photos. Don't worry no message sent
Hahahhahaha my thoughts. " | |||
" I absolutely love this!!!!
Agreed with it all, totally empathised and giggled at the relatively dark humour in places..........until the very last comment that suggested you also may well not bother. There's a touch of irony in there.
Spot on otherwise I'd say.
Personally I've pretty much given up sending messages as I've been trying to do it the 'right way' for years. The results are the same whether you message with class or behave like the disrespectful herd.........total silence.
It is what it is.
The end bit crept in after one fella contacted me a few times in the space of a couple of hours to ask why I hadn't responded to his original "u ok?"
At the time, I was dealing with a less than fun fibro flare and really had no energy. The bombardment was getting aggressive.
I can't always respond immediately, it might be in a day, a week, when time and health allows.
Absolutely fair enough. No one should ever bombard anyone. It's also true to say that once you've messaged someone and they don't reply you have to make the assumption that they had no intention of doing so and move on, taking it as a 'no thanks', but also that they weren't worth the bother so no loss.
Life (including health and family) should always be the priority, so that rightly and inevitably causes delays in responding, so to be impatient in expecting replies is totally uncalled for and unacceptable. Sending a second (or third etc.) message shows a complete lack of class (and looks a tad desperate) in my opinion. Not good either way!
"Exactly! This is supposed to be fun, a bit of an enhancement to life. I want to like the people I play with. Makes everything more fun. | |||
"(Or, the Seven Horsemen of the Inbox). This is a brief guide to save folk some time and energy. If you are considering messaging me, the following kinds of intro message are 100% guaranteed to be ignored. "hi how are u" Problem: Why would you expect a reply to this? Lord, you didn't even care enough to punctuate the sentence. "[Detailed description of sender's desires. Paragraphs and paragraphs about what they're into, with the lack of personalisation that suggests this spiel has been copy+pasted to a hundred other women]" Problem: I get that approaching people on Fab is tiring. There is definitely a case for keeping some boilerplate copy about your kink saved somewhere to save you a little time, but it should not form the entire message. This might surprise you, but I can tell. We can all tell. And if you aren't going to treat me like an individual, I see no reason I should extend that courtesy to you. "You say you don't reply to people who've not read your profile so I've skimmed it and picked out one or two keywords in passing anyway that's done so now let me unload my fetish in great detail" Problem: One step above the Copy-Paste, but still fooling nobody. What happened here was that you perhaps liked a picture and thought you'd do the bare minimum to get a reply. If your profile is interesting and I'm not run off my feet, there's a slim chance I'll reply, but if you don't ask a single interesting question, I'll assume you're not all that interested in getting to know me, and I'll mirror that. "Hi, I'm new here. Haven't filled out my profile yet but I'll get round to it." Problem: I understand that new people might wait to put up a picture of themselves, but no About Me or Into List? If you're not giving me a basic idea of who you are, what you're looking for and why we might have things in common, that's work I have no reason to undertake. Do this in a smart order. Before you message ANYONE, set out your stall, describe yourself accurately and show some personality. If you're afraid people won't like you, remember someone out there might love to meet you, but nobody at all is interested in meeting a blank profile. Give yourself a chance. Also are you really looking for 18-99 year old? That shows a complete level of desperation. "You probably won't want to get to know someone like me. I'll probably delete my profile soon anyway but one last bite of the apple. Sigh." Problem: I'm not your therapist. I'm not here to be guilted into replying to someone I don't know. This is not you being attractively vulnerable. This is intrusive and demanding. Get yourself the care and support you need from a professional health worker, and make sure you're in decent working order before messaging people, rather than laying your insecurities on the women of Fab. "I am Cocky McCockface and I have X years' experience of pleasuring the ladies. I am accomplished in implements, reaming, I have a huuuuge member, I can circular breathe" Problem: That's nice for you. I'm not a job interviewer so I don't want your CV, and people with decades of experience can still be completely clueless, just as newbies can sometimes have great instincts and the spirit of fun that delights me. This message is po-faced and over-performative, and likely also boilerplate. Thus far you have told me (whether or not it's actually the case) that you are insecure, take yourself far too seriously and are not interested in me as an individual. The feeling is mutual. Also please don't refer to women on Fab as "ladies" - at least not to me. It's up there with kissing the hand on a first meeting or double-clasping a handshake. Brr. "You mention that you're not interested in tits or vaginas. Nevertheless thought I'd ask whether you'd consider playing with my girlfriend as she's been wanting to play with women for a while now." Problem: Sir, you have answered your own damned question. There are many, many women on this site who enjoy playing with women. I do on occasion, but I will talk to her and nit you if I am interested. Scram! Yes, I know you think your gf is so super-hot that nobody can resist her once they've met her, but you are wrong. See also emails about things that have no relevance to my carefully-written About Me page, e.g. "you into tights I like tights yum tights". There have been countless similar posts on Fab over the years (mostly by women), but apparently the message is not getting through. It may also be that during lockdown, newbies have joined Fab (Welcome!) and not seen the advice posted in the past. Thankfully, due to my age, size, looks, partner etc, I don't get the onslaught of messages many women do on Fab. But there are enough hopeless rolls of the dice that I wanted to rattle this out once again. I'm not trying to damn anyone for messaging women - it's how we meet folk, and it is undoubtedly scary. I simply ask that you stop carpet-bombing and send fewer, better, more tailored messages to people with whom you have things in common beyond "she-has-an-ass-I-like-asses-yahtzee". You may not get that response, or the one you want, but you up your chances significantly. I would also like to add that if someone sends me a friendly, thoughtful message that avoids all of the above nonsense and has interesting stuff in it, I will generally try to respond, but during busy times or bad times, I may not, because it takes energy I do not have. " Love it. Absolutely spot on. | |||
" I absolutely love this!!!!
Agreed with it all, totally empathised and giggled at the relatively dark humour in places..........until the very last comment that suggested you also may well not bother. There's a touch of irony in there.
Spot on otherwise I'd say.
Personally I've pretty much given up sending messages as I've been trying to do it the 'right way' for years. The results are the same whether you message with class or behave like the disrespectful herd.........total silence.
It is what it is.
The end bit crept in after one fella contacted me a few times in the space of a couple of hours to ask why I hadn't responded to his original "u ok?"
At the time, I was dealing with a less than fun fibro flare and really had no energy. The bombardment was getting aggressive.
I can't always respond immediately, it might be in a day, a week, when time and health allows.
Absolutely fair enough. No one should ever bombard anyone. It's also true to say that once you've messaged someone and they don't reply you have to make the assumption that they had no intention of doing so and move on, taking it as a 'no thanks', but also that they weren't worth the bother so no loss.
Life (including health and family) should always be the priority, so that rightly and inevitably causes delays in responding, so to be impatient in expecting replies is totally uncalled for and unacceptable. Sending a second (or third etc.) message shows a complete lack of class (and looks a tad desperate) in my opinion. Not good either way!
Exactly!
This is supposed to be fun, a bit of an enhancement to life.
I want to like the people I play with. Makes everything more fun.
"I make you spot on in that! All of this kind of stuff should be obvious really. I'd love think that 'getting it right' naturally and instinctively made a difference fir the good single guys, but in truth it doesn't seem to. I tend to shrug it off now and put it down to the imbalance of numbers. Although I send very few messages these days my expectation is that my inbox will always remain empty. That being said I also feel for my female friends who get so much garbage sent to them, so it's the exact opposite problem really. | |||
