FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > how do you have "that" convo
how do you have "that" convo
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense? |
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Its never to soon to be honest.
I male half) recently started seeing a lady regularly on my own (both our spouses are well aware). We are all active swingers but she was unsure if we where going to just see each other Individually or still meet other people if we so wished. One short talk about it and its all good.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Its never to soon to be honest.
I male half) recently started seeing a lady regularly on my own (both our spouses are well aware). We are all active swingers but she was unsure if we where going to just see each other Individually or still meet other people if we so wished. One short talk about it and its all good.
"
I suppose I should put my big girl pants on and bite the bullet.  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?"
What is it you want?
Do you want exclusivity or the ability to meet others?
If he wants to be able yo play around and have you as a booty call, will that work for you?
Never settle for less than you want, you will regret it in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So your worried he's seeing other people bon this site as well as you? How about thinking about his wife and the carnage you'd cause if she found out!!! Laughable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe he’s now ridden with guilt?? Probably not lol. You’re not in a relationship so why would you be exclusive I mean, he’s married and not being exclusive with the one woman he claims to love more than anyone else so why should he care if you meet others, he clearly doesn’t care. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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He's married, I wouldn't be forgoing seeing other people for him as he's not doing that for you.
In reality he's likely hidden his profile because he feels guilty
I'm not judging you for anything here when I say that, I just know the pain of getting involved with a married man.
My advice is do your own thing and if that is to keep seeing him, keep your heart well out of it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?
What is it you want?
Do you want exclusivity or the ability to meet others?
If he wants to be able yo play around and have you as a booty call, will that work for you?
Never settle for less than you want, you will regret it in the end."
I'd like us to be in the same page, whatever that may be. I guess the only way I'm going to know that is by asking him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So your worried he's seeing other people bon this site as well as you? How about thinking about his wife and the carnage you'd cause if she found out!!! Laughable "
This.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'll be very honest as always. I want to see my wife fuck strangers but if she was on here before we got married, it would never have resulted in our marriage. yes, i'km a hypocrite/shallow etc but its the truth |
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Unfortunately long term relationships on a swinging site should NOT be expected however, friendships and friends with benefits can be slightly different and then you have many people who just want whatever they can get when they want it.
But most importantly treat everything as a one off and talk honestly. If the meet goes well or as planned and all seems well for all involved feel free to leave it with something like I've really enjoyed that and feel free to keep in touch and just see how things develop |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll be very honest as always. I want to see my wife fuck strangers but if she was on here before we got married, it would never have resulted in our marriage. yes, i'km a hypocrite/shallow etc but its the truth"
Sadly I think lots of men feel this way. And lots of women end up in the good enough to fuck but not for more category. I think I've been put there a while ago |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just remember this is a swingers site not a dating app.
Big difference. . It can actually be whatever you want it to be "
I agree There are plenty of people on dating sites looking for no strings sex so people can use it how they wish. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi OP,
The guy is married, he is cheating on his wife and you are most likely nothing more than a willing "option". Don't read too much into his messages and whether or not he hides his profile, he isn't yours and isn't available for anything more than the no-strings fuck behind his wife's back that he was after.
If you are catching the feels, knock it on the head now would be my best advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi OP,
The guy is married, he is cheating on his wife and you are most likely nothing more than a willing "option". Don't read too much into his messages and whether or not he hides his profile, he isn't yours and isn't available for anything more than the no-strings fuck behind his wife's back that he was after.
If you are catching the feels, knock it on the head now would be my best advice."
I think this would be my opinion too.
It could end up with a lot of heart break for you, and really, why should you stop seeing anyone else, when he’s married.
What will happen on the weekend, will you just sit around alone, while he’s at home? |
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OP you’ve said the man is married, is he here behind his wife’s back or does he have permission to be here playing and seeking a girlfriend? The advice for the 2 scenarios is quite different.
In either scenario, if you were in a relationship with him and he was giving up his Fab freedom for you then you’d know. You wouldn’t have to wonder. I would suggest that if you’re unsure then you’re not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?"
I think the balls in your court.
I've been in this situation. You either sit around and wait for him to contact you when HE'S ready or you take control over what you do whilst on here!
Personally, I'd have more pics on my profile, be more active to seek others in his absence.
You have pride, why ask him?
Will it be a question sat in his DM's till he appears? 
I'd look busy on my own profile, meet others and put him in the back of your mind.
Don't be a door mat for another's man! That's too much of yourself you are giving up....x
Be in control of your own mind lovely! You deserve it!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You shouldn't need to have that convo with someone on here. Meet, have fun, move on especially if he's married as that's all sorts of baggage you don't need. This lifestyle needs no commitment, meet who you like and enjoy. You'd be his second, or who knows, maybe third or fourth choice. Don't put yourself in that position. |
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"Unfortunately long term relationships on a swinging site should NOT be expected however, friendships and friends with benefits can be slightly different and then you have many people who just want whatever they can get when they want it.
But most importantly treat everything as a one off and talk honestly. If the meet goes well or as planned and all seems well for all involved feel free to leave it with something like I've really enjoyed that and feel free to keep in touch and just see how things develop "
As Pete Townshend said... Always leave them wanting more. |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"You shouldn't need to have that convo with someone on here. Meet, have fun, move on especially if he's married as that's all sorts of baggage you don't need. This lifestyle needs no commitment, meet who you like and enjoy. You'd be his second, or who knows, maybe third or fourth choice. Don't put yourself in that position. "
I agree with this.
I have chatted to some “Fab” couples who really have a full, parallel relationship to their marriages, but they are the exception rather than the rule. Married people see this as an extra really- the hope and/or expectation of him not seeing anyone but you seems quite unrealistic to be honest.
Having seen mostly married men myself, I used to wait for them to be available and message- the equivalent to waiting for the phone to ring, haha- but I am here for fun, not for drama, so I have my little group of fwbs and I meet new people as and when I find them fascinating enough, attend socials and clubs. Couldn’t see myself waiting for one man, especially if they’re married. I actually did for about 6 months or so, but never again.
In my mind, there is no conversation to be had. Just enjoy the times together and enjoy meeting new people or the attention you get here...  |
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By *elkieWoman
over a year ago
Durham |
He’s gaming you. Chat for a while, meet, then goes no contact for a few days and hides his profile. It’s all drama to make you insecure and catch feels, and you don’t need his drama in your life. Run like hell from this one.
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"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?
What is it you want?
Do you want exclusivity or the ability to meet others?
If he wants to be able yo play around and have you as a booty call, will that work for you?
Never settle for less than you want, you will regret it in the end.
I'd like us to be in the same page, whatever that may be. I guess the only way I'm going to know that is by asking him. "
To be honest you could ask him but having recieved an answer you still would not know.
The difference is that it would be even easier for him to lie to you than it would be his wife.
Scenario
You;can we meet on Tuesday?
Him: sorry can't do anything this week as I have so much on with the wife and kids.
Meanwhile he had arranged other meets, but having hidden his profile there would be nothing for you to see.
If you are going to engage with someone who lies, then don't expect any better treatment than his nearest and dearest would. |
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"Just remember this is a swingers site not a dating app.
Big difference. . It can actually be whatever you want it to be "
I just feel that the great majority of men on here want NSA sex.
No problem with that as I like meeting couples and men for the same thing, if I wanted a new husband this would be the last place I'd look.
Just be careful you don't get drawn into thinking NSA sex is the start of a meaningful relationship.
But as always, hope you find what you are looking for. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?"
Hey OP
Im the married lady that had the honest convo with my regular friend above. I think how I would advise is very dependent on if his wife is aware. I appreciate you may not want to say on here but pm me if you like.
If his wife knows hiding profile isnt a good sign for me it means he is hiding something from you or you from someone else...what are his veris like? Are there more than he is showing? Moreover he can never be exclusive to you because he is already committed to his wife in this sense you will always be an addition- which isn't always easy to deal with or hear so you need to know what you want or are willing to accept. From reading you op you said it took months to sleep with him after chatting- is this a normal time frame for you? /Him seems a little on the long side especially if you 'click' A and are were in a hotel room within weeks because it was that intense we literally couldn't wait.
If his wife doesn't know then I would run for the hills... if he can lie to her you can never trust what he is saying to you.
Side note about the feels... if you're getting them again try and stop cos they won't be returned they can't be. I agree with the advice of being super active and in a week you'll be wondering why you were even bothered... there are loads of others who you can have fun with.
Look after yourself xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?
Hey OP
Im the married lady that had the honest convo with my regular friend above. I think how I would advise is very dependent on if his wife is aware. I appreciate you may not want to say on here but pm me if you like.
If his wife knows hiding profile isnt a good sign for me it means he is hiding something from you or you from someone else...what are his veris like? Are there more than he is showing? Moreover he can never be exclusive to you because he is already committed to his wife in this sense you will always be an addition- which isn't always easy to deal with or hear so you need to know what you want or are willing to accept. From reading you op you said it took months to sleep with him after chatting- is this a normal time frame for you? /Him seems a little on the long side especially if you 'click' A and are were in a hotel room within weeks because it was that intense we literally couldn't wait.
If his wife doesn't know then I would run for the hills... if he can lie to her you can never trust what he is saying to you.
Side note about the feels... if you're getting them again try and stop cos they won't be returned they can't be. I agree with the advice of being super active and in a week you'll be wondering why you were even bothered... there are loads of others who you can have fun with.
Look after yourself xx"
i realise it isnt a good position to be in. i think i may have got slightly carried away with my feelings. his wife doesnt knnow however it is complicated. it isnt as black and white as one may think.
anyway i think the decision has been made for me. i havent heard from him since so it would appear it wasnt such a great fuck as i thought it was. no doubt some on here will say its karma, perhaps it is. lesson learnt  |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
Don’t beat yourself up. As you say, it tends to be more complicated than it looks.
Take it as an experience and move on. Keep busy and time will heal you. I know, easier said than done! The way I see my married fwbs (and the way they see me) is just as that- friends. We catch up about life in general, have the odd social when time/life allows and the great sex is the icing on the cake. But that is it. I did allow myself to get very close to one and it was becoming quite painful for me. Thankfully I managed to pull away just in time, and the presence of other fwbs certainly made it easier for me! 
My inbox is open if you fancy a chat. xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?
Hey OP
Im the married lady that had the honest convo with my regular friend above. I think how I would advise is very dependent on if his wife is aware. I appreciate you may not want to say on here but pm me if you like.
If his wife knows hiding profile isnt a good sign for me it means he is hiding something from you or you from someone else...what are his veris like? Are there more than he is showing? Moreover he can never be exclusive to you because he is already committed to his wife in this sense you will always be an addition- which isn't always easy to deal with or hear so you need to know what you want or are willing to accept. From reading you op you said it took months to sleep with him after chatting- is this a normal time frame for you? /Him seems a little on the long side especially if you 'click' A and are were in a hotel room within weeks because it was that intense we literally couldn't wait.
If his wife doesn't know then I would run for the hills... if he can lie to her you can never trust what he is saying to you.
Side note about the feels... if you're getting them again try and stop cos they won't be returned they can't be. I agree with the advice of being super active and in a week you'll be wondering why you were even bothered... there are loads of others who you can have fun with.
Look after yourself xx
i realise it isnt a good position to be in. i think i may have got slightly carried away with my feelings. his wife doesnt knnow however it is complicated. it isnt as black and white as one may think.
anyway i think the decision has been made for me. i havent heard from him since so it would appear it wasnt such a great fuck as i thought it was. no doubt some on here will say its karma, perhaps it is. lesson learnt "
Oh hun don't think like that! Life is never black and white and while the grey areas can cause heart ache it can also let us have the fun. Im sure plenty of us have fucked married men without knowing so sometimes its easy to judge from the outside...but I wouldn't worry or think that its what you deserve.
I think he has done you a massive favour if im honest shown his true colours before you in too deep plenty would just continue as long as they can... sounds like he may have liked the chase...plenty do.
So stop feeling bad. Get your big girl sexy pants on and find someone decent to fuck (if that's what your after).
 xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe he's left you not knowing, so you have time to sort your head out (feelings)....
Give yourself that time, preoccupy yourself with something else in your life. Maybe take time out from here ....
After that, come back on with a different frame of mind.
All the best xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don’t beat yourself up. As you say, it tends to be more complicated than it looks.
Take it as an experience and move on. Keep busy and time will heal you. I know, easier said than done! The way I see my married fwbs (and the way they see me) is just as that- friends. We catch up about life in general, have the odd social when time/life allows and the great sex is the icing on the cake. But that is it. I did allow myself to get very close to one and it was becoming quite painful for me. Thankfully I managed to pull away just in time, and the presence of other fwbs certainly made it easier for me!
My inbox is open if you fancy a chat. xx "
i think ive been a bit knaive, maybe i need a few more fwbs to not get emotionally attached. thank you for the offer for a chat, i will message you later todya if thats ok? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"ive been chatting on and off to a guy for months, we finally ended up sleeping together recently. he didnt come on here for a few days after we'd met then we he did he hid his profile. so im now unsure whether this is a good sign or not. hes intimated he wants to see me again but not mentioned whether we are seeing other people at the same time (hes married). do you thin this is a good sign that hes hidden his profile? im struggling to find the right words to ask him without coming across as heavy. make sense?
Hey OP
Im the married lady that had the honest convo with my regular friend above. I think how I would advise is very dependent on if his wife is aware. I appreciate you may not want to say on here but pm me if you like.
If his wife knows hiding profile isnt a good sign for me it means he is hiding something from you or you from someone else...what are his veris like? Are there more than he is showing? Moreover he can never be exclusive to you because he is already committed to his wife in this sense you will always be an addition- which isn't always easy to deal with or hear so you need to know what you want or are willing to accept. From reading you op you said it took months to sleep with him after chatting- is this a normal time frame for you? /Him seems a little on the long side especially if you 'click' A and are were in a hotel room within weeks because it was that intense we literally couldn't wait.
If his wife doesn't know then I would run for the hills... if he can lie to her you can never trust what he is saying to you.
Side note about the feels... if you're getting them again try and stop cos they won't be returned they can't be. I agree with the advice of being super active and in a week you'll be wondering why you were even bothered... there are loads of others who you can have fun with.
Look after yourself xx
i realise it isnt a good position to be in. i think i may have got slightly carried away with my feelings. his wife doesnt knnow however it is complicated. it isnt as black and white as one may think.
anyway i think the decision has been made for me. i havent heard from him since so it would appear it wasnt such a great fuck as i thought it was. no doubt some on here will say its karma, perhaps it is. lesson learnt
Oh hun don't think like that! Life is never black and white and while the grey areas can cause heart ache it can also let us have the fun. Im sure plenty of us have fucked married men without knowing so sometimes its easy to judge from the outside...but I wouldn't worry or think that its what you deserve.
I think he has done you a massive favour if im honest shown his true colours before you in too deep plenty would just continue as long as they can... sounds like he may have liked the chase...plenty do.
So stop feeling bad. Get your big girl sexy pants on and find someone decent to fuck (if that's what your after).
xx"
the rose tinted glasses have come off. the length of time it took us to mee tshould have been a red flag for me but i just couldnt see it. my fault though, i should have known better to get involved with someone that wasnt mine. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I believe he's left you not knowing, so you have time to sort your head out (feelings)....
Give yourself that time, preoccupy yourself with something else in your life. Maybe take time out from here ....
After that, come back on with a different frame of mind.
All the best xxx"
your right, maybe a little time is out is whats needed for me. thank you x |
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"Maybe he’s now ridden with guilt?? Probably not lol. You’re not in a relationship so why would you be exclusive I mean, he’s married and not being exclusive with the one woman he claims to love more than anyone else so why should he care if you meet others, he clearly doesn’t care. "
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